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[A/N Here's a ton from AIT the Almighty Spork]
How many Gringotts goblins does it take to light a wand?
-I don't know, those goblins never tell anyone anything.
How many Veela does it take to light a wand?
-Just one, really, but chances are there'll be about a hundred guys begging to do it for her.
How many Knight Bus conductors does it take to light a wand?
-Why do they need a wand? They've got those headlights...
How many Quidditch players does it take to light a wand?
-Fifteen: Three to throw it around first, three more to try and steal it, four to try and break it with their clubs, two to stop the other team from lighting it, two to compete to be the one to find it and light it, and one to provide incredibly biased commentary and brag about how great the wand is.
How many Dark Lords does it take to light a wand?
-One, but he prefers it to be light of the green variety.
How many Transfiguration teachers does it take to light a wand?
-Two, one to change a pen into a wand and one to light the wand.
How many house-elves does it take to light a wand?
-Just one, but they better hope the Ministry doesn't find out about it.
How many stuck-up arrogant teachers *coughLockhartcough* does it take to light a wand?
-Only one, but he's too busy fixing his oh-so-perfect hair and coordinating his robes. But of course, he could light a wand with his hands tied behind his back, if he wanted to.
[A/N Lots more from thistlemeg]
How many Ravenclaws does it take to light up a wand?
- None, they learned that one in infancy and wouldn't dream of wasting time on such a juvenile spell.
How many Marauders does it take to light up a wand?
- Only one, but he'll have to do Wormtail's as well.
How many Slytherins does it take to light up a wand?
- Three; one to do the actual spell and two to look stand around looking menacing in case any Gryffindors come along...
How many Gryffindors does it take to light up a wand?
- None, a *Gryffindor*, scared of the dark??
How many Divination professors does it take to light up a wand?
- None, her Inner Eye has just informed her it'll be bright and sunny all day, and who is she to refuse the promptings of fate? (PoA, pg. 228 at the end there, i can cite too!)
How many muggle kids does it take to light up wand?
-Two, one to light it (with a match), and the other to be blamed for burning down the school. [by hpfan12]
How many Muggles does it take to light up a wand?
-Fourty-one, one to light it with a match thingy and the other fourty to put out the fire that the first Muggle starts! [by Christina]
[A/N And two by Kocchi Highwind ...]
How many Hufflepuffs does it take to light up a wand?
-It doesn't matter. As long as they tried their hardest, they're all winners.
How many Slytherins does it take to light up a wand?
-Just one, since Malfoy's dad bought them all automatic-lighting wands.