Warnings: Language and implied themes.

Sam's Diary.

Day 1: Hobbiton

I tried to dance with Frodo at the party tonight but Rose got in my way before I could reach him. How am I supposed to get him to notice me with her in the way? He's so dreamy.....handsome....rich....has a nice hobbit hole....I'd be set for life with him!

Day 2: Hobbiton

I love Mr. Frodo.

Day 3: Hobbiton

I love Mr. Frodo.

Day 4: Hobbiton

Have I written that I love Mr. Frodo? Well, I do.

Day 5: Hobbiton

I've taken a job clipping Mr. Frodo's hedges. I bet he doesn't even suspect that it's all a rouse so I can be closer to him. It was a hot day, much to my delight, so I took off my shirt and tried to show off my impressive chest and belly to Mr. Frodo. He didn't notice though. He just took a sip of water and kept reading his book. Damn it. What does it take to get his attention? I even tried bending over but that didn't seem to work either. I hid in the bushes that night and peeked through his window but he had already changed. Damn it. Perhaps tomorrow night. I love him so much.

Day 20: Hobbiton

I was peeping on Frodo again when I overheard him and Gandalf discussing a Ring and how it could lead to the end of the world. There was talk of Mr. Frodo leaving Hobbiton! No! I can't lose him! I must have whimpered too loud because the next thing I know I'm being flung over a table by Gandalf. At first I thought he was going to kill me but then he said I was to join Frodo on his quest. I'm ever so happy! Now I can prove my undying love to Mr. Frodo by showing him how loyal I can be! Hmm, there's going to be cold nights along the way....we might have to share a bed roll....I've got my fingers crossed. Gandalf left us alone in the woods...ohhhhh.....

Day 22: Crickhollow

Well, Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin spilled our little secret about spying on Frodo. He didn't seem too happy about the whole deal but I'm sure he'll get over it. Pippin actually suggested that we all take a group bath! Now, I wouldn't mind sharing a tub with Frodo but I wouldn't be caught dead sharing a tub with the likes of those two! There's something odd about them...Anywho, we all had separate tubs and I couldn't keep my eyes off of Mr. Frodo. His skin looked so silky and soft as the soapsuds slid down him....then I noticed Merry and Pippin watching too. I don't know why but I suddenly had the urge to dip their heads under the water and hold them down until they didn't move any more. Is there something wrong with me? When Mr. Frodo stood up from the tub wearing nothing but soapsuds I was almost certain I would pass out. I forgive Merry and Pippin for stealing his towel. Frodo locked his door tonight. I just about cried. I can't stand being apart from him....so I slept outside his door.

Day 23: Old Forest/Tom's house

Nothing really exciting happened today. A tree tried to eat Merry and Pippin, a guy named Tom saved us, met his wife, got food poisoning, and spent the night retching most of my guts up. Didn't get to sleep next to Frodo....Merry and Pippin snuggled against him. I'm feeling an urge to kill....

Day 24: Old Forest/Tom's house

Our journey was delayed due to the rain. I'm still hacking up my guts.....still didn't get sleep next to Frodo since Merry and Pippin took my spot yet again. They were moving against him this time...now why would they be doi----I will not kill them. I will not kill them. I will not kill them.

Day 25: Old Forest/Barrow Downs

Finally, we left Tom's house. Finally, I stopped vomiting. Goldberry came out throwing food at us and small package hit me in the head. I waved my finger at her but she didn't seem to notice. Mr. Frodo dumped the food into a stream......there goes the ecosystem of the forest. Reached the Barrow Downs and became separated from Mr. Frodo in the fog. I thought I would die at being away from him...then I saw this scary shape and passed out. When I woke back up I found Mr. Frodo and Tom hovering over me. He led us out of the forest somewhere close to Bree. What in God's name is that smell?

Day 26: Bree/Prancing Pony

Well, we made it to the inn in one piece. I noticed a grungy man in the corner watching Mr. Frodo. I had the sudden urge to walk over and stab him in the kneecap with my fork. Pippin wandered off and talked about Mr. Frodo. To distract everyone Mr. Frodo jumped on the table and began to dance. I had to restrain myself from yelling "take it off!" He tripped over a plate and fell to the floor. He must have accidentally put on the Ring because he went invisible. When we spotted him the ranger had grabbed him and pushed him up the stairs. I ran up the steps with Merry and Pippin to search for Mr. Frodo. After a few minutes of barging into random rooms and being hit with rotten fruit we finally got to the right one. Found Strider hunching over Frodo. Restrained myself from leaping onto his back and tearing his throat out. Tried to share a bed with Mr. Frodo but wound up squished between Merry and Pippin.....those two ain't right. There were loud pitch screams in the middle of the night....at least some one is getting on...unlike me....

Day 27: Somewhere in the forest

We started out into the woods today. Before we left I chucked an apple at this ugly guy for selling us a crappy pony named Bill. Felt good to unleash my growing tension. Am I the only one that can see how hot Mr. Frodo is? Note to self: get handkerchief.....drooling problem becoming frequent.

Day 28: Forest

Walked through a bunch of trees. Nothing happened. I love Mr. Frodo.

Day 29: Forest

Walked through a bunch of brush. Nothing happened. I love Mr. Frodo.

Day 30: Forest

Walked through a marsh. Mr. Frodo became lodged in the muck and I pulled him out. He touched my hand and thanked me! He loves me! He really loves me! Oh, how I love Mr. Frodo!

Day 31: Forest

Walked through some more trees. Nothing happened. I still love Mr. Frodo.

Day 35: Forest/Weathertop

Mr. Frodo had a callus on his foot. The poor dear. I offered to carry him but he just pushed me away. God he is so hot! That night Strider wandered off and left us alone. Almost got to cuddle with Mr. Frodo but the Black Riders attacked. Damn those freaks! No! They stabbed Mr. Frodo! Those bastards! I'll kill every last one of them! But, then again, Mr. Frodo looks awfully tasty being so helpless on the ground.....No! Think disgusting thoughts! Think disgusting thoughts! Oh good here comes Strider! Hey, why does he get to carry Mr. Frodo?

Day 36: Forest

That no good Strider handed Mr. Frodo over to an elf woman! Now she's taking him away to Rivendell while I have to stay here and walk! Do you know how long it will take me to reach Rivendell? It will take us six days! Six days! How am I to survive without him?! I feel like I'm going to die! Merry and Pippin hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and then they were both doing it at the same time! They both tried to reach my lip but I shoved them away. There is something wrong those two!

Day 40: Rivendell

I arrived at Rivendell sooner then I thought. Found Mr. Frodo in bed....fought the urge to kiss him...Then he was taken to a secret meeting. I hid in the bushes and when Mr. Frodo mentioned that he would take the Ring I jumped out and offered to go along with him. He had the cutest expression on his face when he saw me. At least we would go together and be rid of Merry and Pippin....Oops, spoke too soon...here come the two troublemakers now. I'm suspicious of the one called Boromir....he looks at my master in a strange way.

Day 46: On a mountain

Too much snow.....too cold....can't reach Mr. Frodo....Strider carrying him on opposite side. Damn Strider. Damn Gandalf for bringing us up this mountain! Now, after being buried in snow, frost bitten, and halfway across he wants to go to the Mines of Moria! Stupid old fart....

Day 52: Outside the Mines of Moria

Helped save Mr. Frodo from tentacle monster....Strider caught him though....damn Strider. Got trapped in the mine. Oh well, at least I can grope Mr. Frodo in the dark...

Day 56: Moria

Groped Mr. Frodo but stopped after he bit someone. Watched Mr. Frodo get stabbed by a cave troll and cried thinking he was dead. Watched as Mr. Frodo got up and cried in relief at his survival. Chased by orcs and Gandalf confronted a Balrog. Cried when he fell off the bridge. I'll miss that stinky wizard.

Day 58: Lothlorien

Reached the forbidden wood and was almost turned to a pincushion by some elves. Met Lady Galadriel and received a box of dirt. Of all the crappy things I could be given.....Is it just me or does it seem everyone else got a better gift? On a happier note I found the food to be quite satisfying but I've been hungry for something else....

Day 59: Some river...

Got to share a canoe with Mr. Frodo without Merry and Pippin. Very content....Saw Boromir staring at Mr. Frodo. I had the sudden urge to tip his canoe over....

Day 60: Amon Hen

All hell breaks loose.....I don't know where I'm going. Merry and Pippin dart off in one direction, Gimili and Legolas in another, Strider goes off too, and I'm left close to camp. I find Mr. Frodo trying to paddle away. When he doesn't turn around I jumped into the river....he'd have no choice but to take me now! Sure enough, he pulls me out but isn't too happy about it though. Ah well, he'll get over it. Now I'm finally alone with him! After all this time no more interruptions! The weight of the Ring seems to be affecting Mr. Frodo....he'll need someone to comfort him on those long, cold nights....and that someone will be me....

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