(I don't own Everquest, BUT I WISH I DID; all EQ implied themes are members
of SONY!)
Today it is Necrazor, the good Necromancer, and the Good cleric Lumenex's birthday.
"Hey Necrazor, remember when we were little characters?" Said lumenex.
"Yes, I remember it vividly," replied Necrazor.
"Remember when we were newbies and for our birthdays you gave me a plat???"
"Yeah that was amusing. But here is your birthday present now!" He chuckled as he laid 50,000 platinum into the pack of the cleric. Lumenex almost fell over with the weight of the coins. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!"
"Heh heh, I won't mention my stupid 20 bone chips present to you…."
"It wasn't that bad."
"YES IT WAS, YOU GAVE ME AN ENTIRE PLAT AND LOOK WHAT I GAVE YOU!"
"Dude, it isn't that bad, a plat isn't that much"
"At the time it was"
"Well," he said as he looked around mischievously implying a great favor. "You could make up for it now….."
"BUT I JUST DIED AND ALL MY PLAT IS GONE!"
"You're a cleric….. Improvise off of that"
"hmm…….. Well, let's see what this does…" The sanctified priest intoned. A faint white glow appeared around Necrazor.
"What the?" the dark wizard turned good inquired. All of the sudden, Necrazor's dark black robe transmuted a brilliant divine white. Also, a gleaming halo appeared around his head and a pair of angelic wings grew out of his back.
"Hmmmm, there's something missing," the cleric murmured. Necrazor looked at his staff.
"NOT THE STAFF, THIS IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME FROM TURNING INTO GOO!" The holy dark wizard said.
"JUST CHILL, I'm not gonna touch the staff. Your robe has all the properties that it used to but now you emit a holy aura, AND people will think you're a priest but SOMETHING IS MISSING!!!!!" The holy warrior proclaimed.
"The skele you moron….."
"Oh…." the divine elf pointed a finger at the holy dark wizard's pet and uttered a few words in Latin. The skele seemed to smile as a divine force washed over him. His scythe turned pearly silver and a bible appeared in his other bony hand. His tarnished bones turned a scintillating immaculate white and the inscription of "sacer mortuus corpus" appeared on his head.
The dark wizard chuckled, "this should be interesting…"
The cleric looked pleased, "I have to go to Queynos to convene with the Priests of Life there, in the meantime go to the temple and pray a bit, I'll come back to Freeport in a little while.
Lumenex departed and left Necrazor to explore the powers of his new found "holiness" "Well, mortuuscorpus, lets go. I wonder what the priests will think." The young wizard conversed to his now blessed skeleton. The skeleton had a joyful look of glee on his skull as they strode through the streets. Some of the common folk stared, others gasped in astonishment, and others grimaced in signs of disgust as they thought he was just another one of those "danged enchanters".
When they finally arrived at the temple, Necrazor looked at mortuuscorpus and told him that he deserved a present too. With a wiggle of his fingers, the divine skeleton had a voice. Not one of those harsh voices, but a soft and subtle one that was worth listening to and good for public speaking. The team turned to the good side strode up the temple steps, glee in every stride. Well not really because I don't think that a bony skeleton could stride, much less gleefully, but somehow they both strode gleefully up the steps. As they were climbing the steps, the skeleton asked his master, "Could I change my name to Tim? It's a lot easier for the author to write and it's shorter." The now divine wizard responded without a thought process, "Absolutely, I mean if it's easier for the author to remember, much less spell. I also think its best because when he writes mortuuscorpus, the stupid spell check on Word keeps underlining it." And it came to pass that the humble skeleton became Tim. The duo opened the wondrous doors and entered the temple. It was filled with gleaming tile and colorful stained glass windows. Both of them were highly impressed. Almost like glue, the many priests and monks came to see who this strange holy man was. The divine invoker conveyed that he was a necromancer who was accepted by the deities of the light to fight for them. They were intrigued! This was unheard of in those times. They enjoyed his company for a good amount of time.
After about half an hour, things turned for the worse. A grim aura seemed to float about the temple. The candles were blown out, the people left, and everyone was for the most part scared out of their mind. A dark shadow crept from the altar to the middle of the spacious temple. Tim got scared and went outside for some fresh air. It was still mid-afternoon and the priests knew something was aloof. They gathered around the middle of the temple to see what was going on. Necrazor knew immediately what was happening. "Get BACK!!!!!!" He yelled to the priests. They did. All of the sudden, a demonic figure appeared in the middle of the temple.
"Bertoxxulous, GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU CAME FROM!"
The dark voice replied, "Fair necromancer of the dark, come back to me."
"NO! I LIKE THE LIGHT SO BRING IT FOO! GANIEE" Luckily, he had just recently attained five skill points in Chinese at the temple.
The plaguebringer replied, "I'm sorry, I don't do favors. NOW FEEL THE POWER OF THE DARKSIDE!!!!!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" The young necro was forced into a fiendish creature from the dark. THE THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, Tim was having a marvelous time with half of Freeport sitting in front of him. He was witnessing the wonders of Tunare and Rodcent Nife to the townspeople, using his EQ bible as a guide. He heard an explosion behind him coming from the temple. He told the townsfolk to ignore it. It probably was just a sign from the deities of light anyway.
Tim continued, "People of Freeport, feel the love that the deities of light have for you. Tunare loves you. She wants to hug you and kiss you and play with you and never let u go! Wait a sec, how did that get into the bible? Anyway, it says here that Rodcent Nife wants you to go to UFO land in Qeynos. So, go do that sometime, ok?" He yelled out in an expression of good tidings and great joy, "TUNARE LOVES YOU!!!!!!" At that exact moment, the temple exploded, all of the forty-three priests were projected out of the building and flew over Freeport through the sky. The peopled were stunned; Tunare had given them a sign. They were children of Tunare. Tim turned around to be face to face with a demon. Yes my friends, that demon was the newly demonic Necrazor. The townspeople ran away in fear, also trying to fly over Freeport by jumping off of random buildings. Unfortunately that didn't work and led to a mass suicide by most of the townsfolk in Freeport. Tim was angry. He started yelling very loudly at Necrazor.
"HEY! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO WITNESS HERE!?!?!?!?!?!" the infuriated skeleton yelled.
"Come back, mortuuscorpus." The droned evil voice of the dark wizard said.
"Excuse me? I thought we just agreed that my name was TIM, for purposes of the author????" The confused skeleton tried to explain.
"Come back to the dark side, Tim" droned the wizard.
"I don't want to get all icky and dirty. I have a self-image to keep. Do you know how hard it is to keep these bones white when you don't have a digestive system?" the skeleton explained.
"If you don't join me, I'll destroy you," the doomed invoker informed.
"Necrazor, are you ok?" the skeleton worryingly inquired.
"COME BACK TO THE DARK SIDE," the dark one yelled.
"Oh CRAP!! You have been reverted!" Tim panicked. He swung up his EQ bible, opened it, and thrust it into Necrazor's face while screaming, "THE POWER OF TUNARE COMPEL YOU!!!!!!!" There was a flash of brilliant light and Necrazor was converted back to his holy self. He thanked his pet for returning him. The newly reformed wizard suggested they run because Bertoxxulous would NOT be happy. They ran for a good while until they came to the Tassle's Tavern, a bar. They ran inside to talk.
"Tim, we aren't going to be able to banish him back, our powers are blessed now but not "clerical" in a sense. If only Lumenex didn't leave." The reformed wizard said.
"Don't worry, Tunare will help us………. I hope" Luckily at that exact moment, Tunare DID hear them as it was her lunch break. She felt sorry for the exiled holy ones, and aided them. Of course, she sent her most favorite chewing gum in all of Norrath, or Luclin for that matter, to take care of the operation.
Meanwhile, Lumenex was finished delivering the Koalindi fish to the Priests of Life for a small (40k) amount of platinum….. But Lumenex didn't think it small. He was just about to exit the town when he looked down and saw something pink and wrapped in pink foil. It said "Tunare: chic to the max, Pink Bits brand chewing gum. Extra Spicy." He decided that it was a blessing from Tunare and ate it. He was immediately whisked away to Freeport where his friends were waiting. Unfortunately he was teleported by the mischievous Tunare to behind the bar in Tassle's. He finally squeezed his way out of the serving window.
"Hey Necrazor, how did I get here?" The young cleric inquired.
Tim was overjoyed, "PRAISE BE TO TUNARE!!!!!!" Lumenex fell down he was so startled.
"Where the…. How the…. What the….. You…. Have….. voice……" He was about to faint but Necrazor found a bucket of water and woke him up. He explained "Lumen, I gave him a voice because he has been a faithful skele, and converted me back from the dark side" The holy necromancer explained.
"Just now?"
"Yeah, Bertoxxulous is loose in the city. We said if only Lumenex was here, and then you came." The divine necromancer said.
"OHMYGOSH!!!!!!" The cleric shot out the door closely followed by his two other friends.
Meanwhile, Bertoxxulous was busy terrorizing the city, until of course Lumen showed up, chanted a short spell (Word of souls if you must know), and banished him back to you know where. The entire town was grateful, At least the people that were left were, and celebrated the rest of the day in the duo's name. The duo was also granted rooms in the palace, two REALLY Nice-looking elves by Tunare, and a TV/VCR combo by Rodcent Nife. THE END!
REVIEW IT PLEEEZEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today it is Necrazor, the good Necromancer, and the Good cleric Lumenex's birthday.
"Hey Necrazor, remember when we were little characters?" Said lumenex.
"Yes, I remember it vividly," replied Necrazor.
"Remember when we were newbies and for our birthdays you gave me a plat???"
"Yeah that was amusing. But here is your birthday present now!" He chuckled as he laid 50,000 platinum into the pack of the cleric. Lumenex almost fell over with the weight of the coins. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!"
"Heh heh, I won't mention my stupid 20 bone chips present to you…."
"It wasn't that bad."
"YES IT WAS, YOU GAVE ME AN ENTIRE PLAT AND LOOK WHAT I GAVE YOU!"
"Dude, it isn't that bad, a plat isn't that much"
"At the time it was"
"Well," he said as he looked around mischievously implying a great favor. "You could make up for it now….."
"BUT I JUST DIED AND ALL MY PLAT IS GONE!"
"You're a cleric….. Improvise off of that"
"hmm…….. Well, let's see what this does…" The sanctified priest intoned. A faint white glow appeared around Necrazor.
"What the?" the dark wizard turned good inquired. All of the sudden, Necrazor's dark black robe transmuted a brilliant divine white. Also, a gleaming halo appeared around his head and a pair of angelic wings grew out of his back.
"Hmmmm, there's something missing," the cleric murmured. Necrazor looked at his staff.
"NOT THE STAFF, THIS IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME FROM TURNING INTO GOO!" The holy dark wizard said.
"JUST CHILL, I'm not gonna touch the staff. Your robe has all the properties that it used to but now you emit a holy aura, AND people will think you're a priest but SOMETHING IS MISSING!!!!!" The holy warrior proclaimed.
"The skele you moron….."
"Oh…." the divine elf pointed a finger at the holy dark wizard's pet and uttered a few words in Latin. The skele seemed to smile as a divine force washed over him. His scythe turned pearly silver and a bible appeared in his other bony hand. His tarnished bones turned a scintillating immaculate white and the inscription of "sacer mortuus corpus" appeared on his head.
The dark wizard chuckled, "this should be interesting…"
The cleric looked pleased, "I have to go to Queynos to convene with the Priests of Life there, in the meantime go to the temple and pray a bit, I'll come back to Freeport in a little while.
Lumenex departed and left Necrazor to explore the powers of his new found "holiness" "Well, mortuuscorpus, lets go. I wonder what the priests will think." The young wizard conversed to his now blessed skeleton. The skeleton had a joyful look of glee on his skull as they strode through the streets. Some of the common folk stared, others gasped in astonishment, and others grimaced in signs of disgust as they thought he was just another one of those "danged enchanters".
When they finally arrived at the temple, Necrazor looked at mortuuscorpus and told him that he deserved a present too. With a wiggle of his fingers, the divine skeleton had a voice. Not one of those harsh voices, but a soft and subtle one that was worth listening to and good for public speaking. The team turned to the good side strode up the temple steps, glee in every stride. Well not really because I don't think that a bony skeleton could stride, much less gleefully, but somehow they both strode gleefully up the steps. As they were climbing the steps, the skeleton asked his master, "Could I change my name to Tim? It's a lot easier for the author to write and it's shorter." The now divine wizard responded without a thought process, "Absolutely, I mean if it's easier for the author to remember, much less spell. I also think its best because when he writes mortuuscorpus, the stupid spell check on Word keeps underlining it." And it came to pass that the humble skeleton became Tim. The duo opened the wondrous doors and entered the temple. It was filled with gleaming tile and colorful stained glass windows. Both of them were highly impressed. Almost like glue, the many priests and monks came to see who this strange holy man was. The divine invoker conveyed that he was a necromancer who was accepted by the deities of the light to fight for them. They were intrigued! This was unheard of in those times. They enjoyed his company for a good amount of time.
After about half an hour, things turned for the worse. A grim aura seemed to float about the temple. The candles were blown out, the people left, and everyone was for the most part scared out of their mind. A dark shadow crept from the altar to the middle of the spacious temple. Tim got scared and went outside for some fresh air. It was still mid-afternoon and the priests knew something was aloof. They gathered around the middle of the temple to see what was going on. Necrazor knew immediately what was happening. "Get BACK!!!!!!" He yelled to the priests. They did. All of the sudden, a demonic figure appeared in the middle of the temple.
"Bertoxxulous, GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU CAME FROM!"
The dark voice replied, "Fair necromancer of the dark, come back to me."
"NO! I LIKE THE LIGHT SO BRING IT FOO! GANIEE" Luckily, he had just recently attained five skill points in Chinese at the temple.
The plaguebringer replied, "I'm sorry, I don't do favors. NOW FEEL THE POWER OF THE DARKSIDE!!!!!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" The young necro was forced into a fiendish creature from the dark. THE THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, Tim was having a marvelous time with half of Freeport sitting in front of him. He was witnessing the wonders of Tunare and Rodcent Nife to the townspeople, using his EQ bible as a guide. He heard an explosion behind him coming from the temple. He told the townsfolk to ignore it. It probably was just a sign from the deities of light anyway.
Tim continued, "People of Freeport, feel the love that the deities of light have for you. Tunare loves you. She wants to hug you and kiss you and play with you and never let u go! Wait a sec, how did that get into the bible? Anyway, it says here that Rodcent Nife wants you to go to UFO land in Qeynos. So, go do that sometime, ok?" He yelled out in an expression of good tidings and great joy, "TUNARE LOVES YOU!!!!!!" At that exact moment, the temple exploded, all of the forty-three priests were projected out of the building and flew over Freeport through the sky. The peopled were stunned; Tunare had given them a sign. They were children of Tunare. Tim turned around to be face to face with a demon. Yes my friends, that demon was the newly demonic Necrazor. The townspeople ran away in fear, also trying to fly over Freeport by jumping off of random buildings. Unfortunately that didn't work and led to a mass suicide by most of the townsfolk in Freeport. Tim was angry. He started yelling very loudly at Necrazor.
"HEY! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO WITNESS HERE!?!?!?!?!?!" the infuriated skeleton yelled.
"Come back, mortuuscorpus." The droned evil voice of the dark wizard said.
"Excuse me? I thought we just agreed that my name was TIM, for purposes of the author????" The confused skeleton tried to explain.
"Come back to the dark side, Tim" droned the wizard.
"I don't want to get all icky and dirty. I have a self-image to keep. Do you know how hard it is to keep these bones white when you don't have a digestive system?" the skeleton explained.
"If you don't join me, I'll destroy you," the doomed invoker informed.
"Necrazor, are you ok?" the skeleton worryingly inquired.
"COME BACK TO THE DARK SIDE," the dark one yelled.
"Oh CRAP!! You have been reverted!" Tim panicked. He swung up his EQ bible, opened it, and thrust it into Necrazor's face while screaming, "THE POWER OF TUNARE COMPEL YOU!!!!!!!" There was a flash of brilliant light and Necrazor was converted back to his holy self. He thanked his pet for returning him. The newly reformed wizard suggested they run because Bertoxxulous would NOT be happy. They ran for a good while until they came to the Tassle's Tavern, a bar. They ran inside to talk.
"Tim, we aren't going to be able to banish him back, our powers are blessed now but not "clerical" in a sense. If only Lumenex didn't leave." The reformed wizard said.
"Don't worry, Tunare will help us………. I hope" Luckily at that exact moment, Tunare DID hear them as it was her lunch break. She felt sorry for the exiled holy ones, and aided them. Of course, she sent her most favorite chewing gum in all of Norrath, or Luclin for that matter, to take care of the operation.
Meanwhile, Lumenex was finished delivering the Koalindi fish to the Priests of Life for a small (40k) amount of platinum….. But Lumenex didn't think it small. He was just about to exit the town when he looked down and saw something pink and wrapped in pink foil. It said "Tunare: chic to the max, Pink Bits brand chewing gum. Extra Spicy." He decided that it was a blessing from Tunare and ate it. He was immediately whisked away to Freeport where his friends were waiting. Unfortunately he was teleported by the mischievous Tunare to behind the bar in Tassle's. He finally squeezed his way out of the serving window.
"Hey Necrazor, how did I get here?" The young cleric inquired.
Tim was overjoyed, "PRAISE BE TO TUNARE!!!!!!" Lumenex fell down he was so startled.
"Where the…. How the…. What the….. You…. Have….. voice……" He was about to faint but Necrazor found a bucket of water and woke him up. He explained "Lumen, I gave him a voice because he has been a faithful skele, and converted me back from the dark side" The holy necromancer explained.
"Just now?"
"Yeah, Bertoxxulous is loose in the city. We said if only Lumenex was here, and then you came." The divine necromancer said.
"OHMYGOSH!!!!!!" The cleric shot out the door closely followed by his two other friends.
Meanwhile, Bertoxxulous was busy terrorizing the city, until of course Lumen showed up, chanted a short spell (Word of souls if you must know), and banished him back to you know where. The entire town was grateful, At least the people that were left were, and celebrated the rest of the day in the duo's name. The duo was also granted rooms in the palace, two REALLY Nice-looking elves by Tunare, and a TV/VCR combo by Rodcent Nife. THE END!
REVIEW IT PLEEEZEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!