Warnings: Strong Language

Gandalf's diary.

Day 1?: Hobbiton?

I went to a hobbit party.....shot off some fireworks......a few tents caught fire.....a few hobbits caught fire. I had to beat Merry and Pippin with my staff.....can't remember why. My next stop was at Bag End and I wound up beating Bilbo with my staff so he would drop the Ring. When I tried to approach him he bit my leg and I broke my staff over his head. Damn it. Now I need to get a new staff. Found out Bilbo's Ring is the one Ring.....crap.....I entrusted the Ring to Frodo and told him to go to Bree along with that stalker....can't remember his name. Left the two in the woods so I could council with Saruman. I'm sure those two can look out for themselves.....right?

Day 235?: Orthnac?

Found out Saruman is a traitor and working with Sauron. Got into an outlandish fight where he flung me around like a rag doll and then launched me to the top of the tower. It's cold....and scary....and wet....How am I supposed to go to the bathroom? Oh well. Look out below orcs!!

Day 20: Orthnac?

I was chatting with Saruman today.....we couldn't remember why I was put up here.....then an orc reminded us. Damn orc. Thrown around for an hour.....nothing else happened.

Day 00: Orthnac?

Caught a moth thingie in my hand.....very tempted to eat it.....but told it to find that eagle king...whatever the hell his name is. Then, I let it let it go....I changed my mind and tried to eat it. Damn thing got away....

Day 90: Orthnac?

Flung around by Saruman....saved by eagle lord.....rode on its back for hours......got whiplash......fell off into a patch of prickers.....ow....don't know where I am.....some forest area......ow....Now I have to spend an hour picking these needles out of my ass!

Day 6: Weathertop

Attacked by nine guys dressed in black robes.....what the hell are they?! At least I got to break in my new staff....literally.....Oh well. This quiet period will give me a chance to catch up on my reading. Ohhh.....Wizard Staff Weekly....Hey, wait a minute...was I attacked before or after I was held captive by Saruman? I can't remember.....

Day 45: Rivendell

Stupid hobbit was stabbed by a black rider. I thought I put Aragorn in charge of them to prevent this type of incident! How hard is it to protect four midgets?! How much longer before I can leave this hobbit's side?! Why won't the damn thing wake up?! I've got better things to do then watch this hobbit sleep. Maybe if I violently shook him.....

Day 65: Rivendell

Got into trouble with Elrond for shaking and smacking Frodo. No, it did not wake him up.....it put him deeper into a coma. Damn it! Also received some complaints from the elves......apparently some prized plants were wilting.....I wonder why.....Hmm, I wonder where that God awful stench is coming from....

Day 999: Rivendell

The hobbit finally woke up....about damn time.....Sheesh, he was only stabbed in the shoulder...not like it was life threatening or something. Held a council with Elrond which was way too long. I fell asleep for half the meeting....drooled on Frodo......sneezed on Gimili....Well, you can't really notice on him since he's naturally grungy. At the end I think I volunteered to go on some journey or something. Ugh, why did I have to fall asleep during the council?!

Day 42: Forest?

The others are saying we've been walking in circles for several hours and now are complaining that we have passed the same tree ten times now. Oh come on! For God's sake they're trees! They all look the same! What do they think I am?! An old wizard with dementia?! I have a very keen sense of direction! Besides, even if we are perhaps a little lost, we'll get to where we're going.....eventually. Wait, where are we going again?

Day 79: Forest?

Boromir has been trying to steal the Ring from Frodo.......had to whack him in the legs....broke my staff again....Damn it! Where the hell do they make these things?! Gotta find the label......Mordor?! I've been buying my staffs from Mordor?! Damn it! No wonder Sauron has such a big army. He's been gaining his finances from me!! Of all the rotten fucking.........what was I saying? Oh yeah, buy new staff......

Day 789: Mountain?

Chose to go up a below freezing, snow covered, highly dangerous mountain path....am I a genius or what? Where would the Fellowship be without me? We were doing quite find except for a few delays, thanks to Pippin. Damn hobbit. Oh, then an avalanche fell on us.....can't remember who caused it. Decided it would be best to pass through the Mines of Moria. Oi, here comes the elf.....probably to complain no doubt. He's worse then the hobbits. Why can't he just talk to himself like Boromir? I notice he's been doing a lot of that lately.........

Day 1.45: Outside Moria?

I can't remember the damn password to that damn door! It only took an hour to figure it out though....all on my own too.....at least I think. Just as we were getting in the watcher attacked and grabbed Frodo. I had to restrain myself from laughing. That poor hobbit just looked so funny being flung around and having him shriek like a woman in labor didn't help matters either. Then, as Frodo fell from its grasp, I became quite worried. It appeared Aragorn and Boromir were going to get into a bitch fight over who was going to catch Frodo. Aragorn won of course....

Day 666: Moria

I confronted the Balrog at the bridge. Of course the Fellowship left me behind....probably thought I was bravely confronting it so they could escape. Morons. The only reason I faced the damn thing was because my robe got snared in a crack. Argh!! Why couldn't I have worn pants like any other normal man?! Vanquished the Balrog....then got hit with its massive whip and clung to the edge before falling along with it. Why didn't someone make an attempt to come rescue me? Stupid, cowardly Fellowship! If I wasn't such a good person I'd have them flung into the Cracks of Doom! Hey, I just remembered that's where we were supposed to go! Oh, well, I can't go there now considering that I trapped in this cave.....Well, I'm off to chase the Balrog around and then die......what a life I live.....

Next: Aragorn