Chapter 20

"Life is cheap...especially mine." -Heero Yuy

I smiled and walked out of the door, shaking my hips flirtatiously. "Hey now!" Trowa called after me. I flashed a grin towards him and continued down the hall towards my room. Our problems were finally resolved, and I felt as though a weight was lifted from my shoulder, for lack of a better simile.

"Sarah!"

I stopped dead in my tracks, and my content mood heightened ever more as I heard Trente's husky voice. Turning to face him, I composed myself to a nonchalant expression and asked quietly, "Yes?"

"What were you two talking about?"

I winked at him. "Oh, nothing."

"Sarah…"

"What?"

He frowned at me, then wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close. "Please tell me! What were you talking about?"

"Oh," I said, lips drawn up in a broad smile. "Just godfather to goddaughter stuff. Don't worry about it. Everything's fine." I smiled as his moist lips brushed against my cheek.

"You sure?" he asked, expression imploring.

"Sure," I replied.

"Really?"

"Really really. Now let me go! I have to get out of this dress and get my things ready. We've already been here too long. It's time to move on," I stated while pulling away from his warm embrace.

Trente's eyes flew wide. "Already? But…we just got here!" he pleaded as his eyebrows drew down to a point between his crystal blue eyes. This expression, although adorable by all means, did not phase my decision, or my stern attitude towards it.

"No, my dear…we've been here for seven days already. We both just woke up, though, so it seems like we just got here. We leave tomorrow at dawn."

The famed 'Maxwell Puppy Eyes' shot in my direction as Trente tried once more to change my mind. " I don't want to leave tomorrow, Sar! Can't we just stay for a day or so more? Don't you want to get to know your godfather?" He asked while leaning in close to me. I scowled at him and turned my back as I crossed my arms.

"Well, I suppose you can stay," I reluctantly stated. "But I'm leaving tomorrow at dawn, with or without you. Our next pilot is Quatre, and who knows where he lives? He could live all the way in outer space, for all I know!" I turned to face him but was immediately confused by the odd expression on his face. "What?"

While pursing his lips, Trente's eyes settled on the richly embellished hall runner under our feet. "He does," he whispered.

"Who does what?

"Quatre lives in outer space."

"What?!"

Duo's son nodded slowly, those eyes I loved staring into still focused on the floor. "Quatre Raberba Winner, previous pilot of the Gundam Sandrock, lives in outer space at the Winner Foundation Mansion. Everyone knows that," he declared matter-of-factly. I breathed deeply and contemplated this last statement. Sure, everyone knew that…but me.

"Yeah, everyone knows that. Sure." I brushed past him and headed as quickly as my heels would allow to the room I was staying in, tears sneakily leading their way out onto my cheeks only to be flung aside by my fingers as I wiped them from existence. If Trente called after me, I didn't hear him. Shutting my door, I made my way to the bathroom and began to take my hair down. As my hair brushed down against my shoulders in soft sways, I walked out into the sleeping area of my room and pulled off my heels, reveling in the relief that instantly washed over my formerly aching feet.

"Why did that upset you, when Trente said that everyone knows where Quatre lives?" a familiar voice called from nearby. Facing the source, I sighed and continued to pull off my panty hose.

"What are you, a spy?" I asked sarcastically.

Trowa nodded. "Yes. No quit avoiding the question. Why did it upset you?"

Annoyed, I inquired nastily, "Are you just going to sit there while I change?"

Another nod from the tall man sitting on the edge of my bed

heightened my impatience to be rid of his absence, yet he persisted in his questioning. "Why, Peacecraft?"

My eyes flashed up to his face, which resembled a blank piece of paper, at the use of this very personal nickname. "Don't ever call me that again, Trowa," I stated angrily, emphasizing each syllable. "Ever."

Trowa's stony expression never flickered for an instant, just remained as emotionless as a brick wall. "Answer my question, Sarah."

I turned from him, determined to keep him from seeing the hot droplets of emotion spring from my eyes, and shook my head. "I don't know why it upset me," I answered with a choke in my throat. "It just did."

"There has to be a reason. People don't get upset for no reason. What could possibly be the reason?"

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me, you're so smart!" I shouted while facing him, hands on my hips as my emotion switched drastically to anger.

"Thank you for the compliment, but not every genius is a mind-reader," he responded lightly while polishing his nails on his shirt.

By this time, I could not take it any longer. "Why do you have to be so much like him? Why does it matter how I feel? Why do you care?"

"Because he and I went through the same training and we understand each other. Because you're family. Because you're my best friend's daughter." I stood still, arms crossed, and bowed my head in front of him. I could not give into my emotions in his presence, I told myself, because that is a weakness. My father's mantra chanted itself in my mind: 'Your emotions show your heart, and when your heart is exposed, it is more easily attacked. Never disclose your feelings, for they, in the end, will do you in.' Feet appeared in my sight line as I realized Trowa had stood and walked over to me. He paused for a brief moment, and then encased me in his strong arms, forming my body to his. I felt his soft hand smooth my hair over in a gesture that was, oddly enough, comforting. Not stiff or militaristic, but consoling and caring. He was like my father, yes, but without the emotional struggle my father endured every day. Without the emotional struggle I endured every day.

"Honey, why don't you just tell me what's bothering you?" Trowa asked softly. I shook my head and continued to cry, feeling his shirt against my face slowly get more and more damp as it soaked my tears.

"Please?" he pleaded while stroking my back and trailing his long, delicate fingers over my spine. I shivered involuntarily, tears subsiding momentarily, and pulled my arms tighter into my body to preserve warmth. I was suddenly very cold and tired, my least favorite combination of feelings.

I held onto him as a child would a favorite teddy bear, and shut my eyes tight. "We're leaving tomorrow at dawn," I spoke into his shirt, dignity wanting to sound strong, but vocal chords creating a scared, weak croak from my throat instead.

"You are?"

I forced myself to nod. "Yes," was my muffled reply as I inhaled the intoxicatingly familiar smell of his cologne.

Old Spice.

The same thing my father wore.

"Why are you leaving so soon, Sarah?" Trowa asked quietly a few moments later. I answered with, "Because Quatre lives in outer space and that's quite a journey, if I'm not mistaken."

"Just because of the travel issue?"

Confusion muddled my brain. "Travel issue?"

A light chuckle brushed through Trowa's lips, starting deep down in his chest in an echoing rumble. "Your only reason for leaving so soon is because it is a bit of a trip to Quatre's?" I nodded, unable to force myself awake enough to answer as I slowly drifted into the cloud-filled dreamland of sleep, lulled there by emotional strain, the warmth of his body, and the smell of him, which seeped into my every pore and took hold of my senses. "I don't believe you," he stated firmly.

"Hm?"

Upsetting me, he pulled me from his embrace and held me at arm's length. "Why are you leaving tomorrow?"

I frowned. "I told you."

"Why else?"

"What do you mean? That's all. There is nothing else to say."

He sighed, his jade eyes adopting a sudden look of weariness. "Why are you so much like your father?" An almost invisible smile barely lifted the corners of his mouth as he added, "I should be asking you that instead of you asking me." Trowa stared at me intensely, causing me to shift uncomfortably in his gaze. I was not used to such scrutiny, and did not enjoy it in the least. Looking away, I bit my lip and breathed deeply.

"I'm tired. I think I'm going to go to bed now."

A pained expression passed over Trowa's features as I said this, however he nodded and dropped his arms from my shoulders. Slowly, his left hand rose again and he extended a finger to trace my jaw.

I watched, amazed, as his grace would rival that of a ballet dancer, he was so smooth in his movements. "Well, then I suppose I should leave you be, then." My head slowly bobbed up and down in a movement of consent, and without looking at me, he strode towards the door. I feared he would leave in an upset mood and without saying goodnight, yet he turned before his feet met the doorjamb and looked me in the eye. "Good night, Sarah. I hope you sleep well. What time would you like to be woken up?"

I closed my eyes for a moment, then glanced back at the clock behind me. "Five o-clock, if you don't mind."

A shadow of a smile pulled his lips upwards.

"Of course, Sarah." Without a second glance back, he left my room, closing the door softly behind him. I sat still, stunned, on the edge of my bed until finally standing and unzipping my dress. I moved in a trance, not paying attention to what I did, until eventually I was in a large t-shirt that I found in the closet and pulling the covers for my bed aside.

Yet before I laid down, my mind did a quick U-turn and I was walking down the hall before I knew it. I did not know my destination, yet I followed the hallway until I came upon a large ballroom, elegantly decorated as the rest of the house was. I walked across the recently waxed hardwood floor, shivering involuntarily as my bare feet slid over the panels. I stood underneath the large chandelier in the middle of the room and looked up at it, blinking back my tears as I stared at the multitude of miniature candles adorning it. I sat down on the floor, still watching the large golden light above me, and breathed deeply. Light music, sounding much like a lullaby of my past, began to play in the empty room, filling it with a false sense of security and comfort. Swaying with the music, I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around my goose-bump covered body.

"It's not that cold in here, is it?"

"You must have a surveillance system in here, don't you?" I glanced towards the tall man leaning against the wall, smile forming on my lips.

"Of course I do. You've seen the size of this place. It's humongous. I have to protect my investments." Trowa smirked.

"Right."

The lullaby took over our conversation, and I closed my eyes again, reveling in the childishly comforting tune. Soon I could not control myself and began to hum along with it, all the time swaying back and forth in time with it, until I felt long-fingered, ice-cold hands settle on my shoulders. I looked up with a start at Trowa, tears streaming down my cheeks, and buried my face into his chest as he kneeled next to me. "I just...I don't understand it. I don't know why I am the way I am. I wish he was different, but at the same time, I wouldn't like it if he was."

"Sarah...he's your father. He will always be your father no matter what. True, he has some problems, but everyone has problems. What you need to do is learn to get past them and see the true Heero underneath that shell he has built up around him."

I tried to speak, however my words were muddled with tears as they clogged my nose and leaked down the back of my throat, choking me momentarily. Trowa handed me a tissue he produced from his pocket and I blew my nose. "It's hard when he doesn't want you to break down the shell, though," I protested eventually.

Trowa's hand found its way underneath my chin and lifted it up. "He does."

I frowned at him, confused by this. "What are you talking about? How do you know?"

"Because I do. Trust me on this one, Sarah."

"Trust is hard to come by when your father is Heero Yuy."

His hand dropped from my chin and he stood up over me. "That is completely untrue and you have no basis for that declaration whatsoever." My eyebrows raised as he said this, as I was surprised at his sudden exclamation of defense for my father. "Heero Yuy is the first person in this world I did learn to trust. He was always there for me when I needed it, and whenever there was something that had to be done, he did it without question. I'm sure he was the same way while raising you, however you were so caught up in your own problems that you never noticed it. When something upset you, was he there?"

I thought back over my childhood. "Yes, but telling me to get up and stop whining about it. He never offered me any comfort when I hurt the most, and that's why I have such trust issues. How can you trust someone who, in hurting you the most, told you to get over it and live life?"

"Very easily. You just do. Do you want to know why he always said that?" I nodded with conviction and stood so I didn't feel so insignificant in his presence, he was so much taller than I was. "Because he was so proud of you that he never wanted you to fail. He wanted to make sure that you got the most out of life, and didn't spend your time moping about some little problem that you would not remember in ten years, or, even ten minutes. Heero did everything he could to prepare you for the real world, the world that kicks you when you're down and laughs as you writhe in pain. He never wanted you to experience that, but he still prepared you for the day he knew would come. If he didn't care, do you think he would have continued training you and spending time with you? He could have became a recluse after Mariemaia, but he didn't." At this, Trowa paused to consider something. "Well, he did to the rest of the world, but to Relena, he did not. He vowed to spend the rest of his life with her, and they produced you. You are what has his attention, his care, his love...his trust.

"When he called me to tell me that Relena was pregnant, I was amazed at how happy he sounded. He was joyful beyond joyfulness. Many that knew him would not have thought that type of emotion possible in his psyche because we all remembered him as the stony, cold-hearted SOB that could kick anybody's ass, in his Gundam or not. But he was in tears when he told me that he was going to have a child, a kid to call his own. No matter what you need, he will always be there, even if you shut him out. He's your father, Sarah, and nothing will change the bond you two share."

I brought the tissue he had handed me earlier back up to my face as my nose was clogged again. After blowing my nose several times and wiping my cheeks on my shirt, I finally looked into Trowa's sympathetic face, enraptured by his gleaming jade eyes filled with emotion. Speechless, I wrapped my arms around his torso and hugged him with all my might, and was instantly comforted when I felt his arms encircle my shoulders and squeeze tightly. "Thank you," I whispered.

He chuckled lightly. "For what?"

"For opening my eyes. Thank you."

Trowa pulled me from him and smiled warmly, nodding. "Of course. Now go to bed! I'll wake you up at five."

Suddenly the thought of only getting three to four hours of sleep seemed very unwelcome. "Ah...do you think you could maybe push that time back a few hours? Or perhaps...ah, a day?"

"How about I get you up when I'm done making waffles in the morning, okay? About, oh, say, nine-o-clock?"

I nodded. "Sure."