Part the Third: Legolas, Aragorn, and a small blue bottle

Aragorn stopped where he was. In all his experience as a Ranger, he had never witnessed such a spectacle.

"What are you doing, Legolas?" he croaked, bewildered.

Legolas looked up abruptly, startled. His elbow caught a small blue bottle, knocking it off the bank into the river. With a yelp, Legolas plunged his hands in after it. Not finding it (and the river was deeper than he'd expected) he dove in.

When he emerged - bearing the precious bottle - his tunic and leggings were completely soaked. He glared at Aragorn.

"Now see what you've done, sneaking up on people like that," he began reproachfully.

"You're an elf! You should have heard me coming a mile off!" Aragorn protested.

"I was distracted," came the haughty reply. "Well, what did you want? You were hardly chasing after me to enquire about my welfare."

"Actually, that is what I was doing," said Aragorn. He turned to leave, but curiosity got the better of him. "What were you doing, Legolas?"

Legolas put his hands on his hips in an effeminate yet breathtakingly sexy gesture. "You may be entitled to boss the others around, my Lord, but my business is my own," he spat. The viciousness of this retort was somewhat diluted by the fact that he was standing in the middle of the stream, wet up to his thighs, clutching a bottle in his left hand. Add the dripping hair and you have a very unintimidating elf.

Aragorn's eyes glittered mischievously. "Then I shall have to find out for myself." He strode into the stream, pushed Legolas over, and grabbed the bottle. "Herbal Essences. New formula, washes, conditions, moisturises. For fine hair," he read.

"That's mine! Give it back!" yelled Legolas, sitting on the riverbed. "Aragorn!"

Aragorn had more important things to worry about than Legolas wanting his shampoo back. "But what does it do?" he asked, scratching his head. "What were you doing with it? Is it some kind of potion?"

Legolas stood up and snatched the bottle back. "You could say that," he huffed. "I can't believe that you, of all people, have never heard of washing one's hair… wait, actually, I can believe that. Easily."

Still baffled, Aragorn sat on the bank. "Washing your hair? Why would you do that?"

Legolas sighed in frustration. "Look, I'll wash your hair for you if you want. Eärendil knows you need it."

"How?"

"Sit." Legolas gestured to the space in front of him. "It's like talking to a five year old," he muttered to himself in Elvish.

"What was that? I do understand Elvish you know," Aragorn snapped, reasserting himself. "And, see here Legolas, you can't order me around like that. I am Isildur's heir, you know."

"I know," Legolas snarled. "No one else would have if I hadn't told them. They all thought you were a common Ranger. That's why you need to work on your image! Now, sit!"

"Okay," said Aragorn meekly, and sat.

Legolas rinsed off his own hair before starting on Aragorn's. It wasn't as bad as he had feared, the shininess was natural oils more than anything else; shouldn't be too much of a problem. He wished fervently that he'd brought another bottle - see, if he didn't bring a spare, then he'd need it!

Aragorn closed his eyes and leaned back, against Legolas. "That feels nice," he admitted.

"That's because your hair is getting clean," Legolas laughed. His bad mood had evaporated. His hair was clean, Aragorn's hair was going to be clean, maybe he could even persuade Gimli to do something about his overgrown facial hair… Could life get any better?

Aragorn murmured happily, eyes still closed. "Wake me up when you're done," he told Legolas.

It was in this relaxed state that Boromir, who had just woken up and realised that two beds were empty, found them.

He froze with one hand holding the ferns out of his way, the other hanging limply at his side. His jaw hung open in a comical attitude of astonishment and disbelief. Realising how silly he would look to anyone happening to see him, he closed his mouth. His eyes were still staring at the two figures, sitting in the river.

Aragorn had his eyes shut, and actually seemed to be moaning. Legolas had that little quirky smile on his face while he ran his hands through Aragorn's hair. No… it could not be… Were Aragorn and Legolas having some sort of kinky sex? If so, could he join? Oh, where did that thought come from? Bad Boromir, bad. You are not gay, he reprimanded himself sternly.

Legolas looked up suddenly. Boromir did some quick thinking and realised that if Legolas saw him, which he undoubtedly would, then he (Legolas) would think that he (Boromir) had been spying on them. Which, although it was true, would never do. So he would have to take the initiative.

Gathering his wits about him, he called across to Legolas in a voice louder than was strictly necessary.

"What are you doing, Legolas?"

-fin part three-

To all the kind souls who reviewed (Anna Lyn, Legolas's Lover, Lady Ev, HarpWire, Feriofreak, RedT, Sarindra, Lady Robyn) thank you! One phrase has been said in every chapter. Can you guess what phrase that is? Difficult, I know.

Next chapter: What does Boromir think is going on between Legolas and Aragorn, apart from kinky sex? And is he gay or not? Does he join them?