Summary: What happens when you take your favorite fairy tales and add Tokyo
Babylon and X/1999 characters? Pure mayhem!!!
This Chapter: Twins Subaru and Hokuto are starving to death and they must find food in the deep dark woods. However, they find something extremely…disturbing.
Rating: PG-13 for shounen-ai (well, let's just say people get in the sac with the same sex here). S/S, S/S/K. Mild swearing, too, but you don't really mind that, do you?
Author's Note: This is madness gone way too far. If this is REALLY stupid to you, it's stupid to me too. I just felt fairy tales needed a face lift.
Fairy Tales Get Messed Up Tokyo Babylon/X Style
Chapter I: Subaru and Hokuto
Scene One:
The scene opens with Subaru and Hokuto in ragged, medieval peasant costume in a medieval peasant house with medieval peasant furniture. Subaru is sitting at a rough wooden table, reading, his eyes slowly drooping while Hokuto is vigorously sweeping the dirt floor. She stops to glance over at Subaru.
Hokuto: (right hand on her hip as she leans against the broom) Subaru! Why aren't you working?
Subaru: (looks up, pouts) I'm too hungry to eat.
Hokuto: (walks over to him and very maternally, puts an arm around him) There, there, Subaru, Mother will be back with something to eat sure enough.
Subaru: (looks at her) Really?
Hokuto: (nods and smiles) But until then… (shoves the broom in his face) Sweep! I'm going to try to tidy up before Mother comes home. (starts straightening out the table)
Subaru: (takes the broom and begins sweeping) So hungry.
1 Mother enters wearing equally ragged medieval peasant clothing. She's carrying a large, stuffed burlap sack.
Mother: Hello, children.
Subaru and Hokuto: (in unison) Good afternoon, Mother.
Hokuto: (skips over to Mother, attempting to peek inside the sack, but mother snatches it away) How was market?
Mother: (plops down into a chair) Wonderful!
Subaru and Hokuto look at each other greedily, dribble excreting from their mouths.
Mother: (opens up the sack and takes out a Precious Moments statuette) These were only 10 pounds a piece and I got seven!
Hokuto: (flabbergasted) You spent 70 pounds on…on… statuettes?
Mother: (nods) And get this…(pulls out a Beanie Baby) …two for 11 pounds!
By now, Hokuto is having a seizure, mumbling, "We have not money, no food, no money, no food…"; and Subaru's frozen in time.
Subaru: (meekly) Did you get any food?
Mother: (smiles and reaches into the bag) Of course, silly, you think I'm a bad mother? (pulls out a loaf of bread) It was cheap because it's seven weeks old.
Subaru: (grabs it greedily) Mine!
Hokuto: (jumps at Subaru and wrestles the bread from his hands) I have a better idea! This bread is too old for us to eat.
Subaru: (ravenously) So? At least we'll die from food poisoning instead of hunger! (attempts to snatch it from Hokuto, but she moves quickly out of his way, causing him to fall flat on his face)
Hokuto: This is what we'll do: Subaru and I will try to find some food out in the woods. So we don't get lost, we can leave a trail of breadcrumbs behind us. Good plan, huh?
Subaru: (rolls over onto his back) Screw the plan! I'm hungry!
Mother: Sounds good to me, Hokuto. Be sure to watch out for the Witch. She's a very tricky old brawd, she is.
Hokuto: (rolls her eyes) Oh, please! Everyone knows there's no "Witch"! It's just some perverted guy stealing little boys. The villagers are calling him "The Witch" because they always blame woman! (grabs Subaru by his hair and drags him across the floor) Come on, Subaru.
Subaru: Ow! (makes an effort to stand)
Scene two:
Subaru and Hokuto are walking through the woods. Hokuto is picking off a tiny piece of bread every ten steps and dropping it to the ground.
Subaru: (meekly) Hokuto, what if we don't find any food?
Hokuto: We will. And if we don't… (laughs) …let's hope the wolves get us before the Witch!
Subaru: (gasps) Is the Witch real?
Hokuto: (laughs) Don't be silly! Didn't you listen to my little explanation of the Witch?
Subaru: (shakes his head)
Hokuto: Well, then, to sum it all up, there is no "Witch".
Subaru: (smiles) Right, it's just some urban legend.
They continue to trudge on, not noticing that they have entered The Really Scary Deep Dark Woods ™.
Subaru: (perks up) Do you smell something?
Hokuto: (closes her eyes and sniffs the air) Smells like…
Both: CANDY!
They run as fast as they can, forgetting to make the trail of breadcrumbs. Finally, after about a half a mile, they stop in front of a large gingerbread house with a frosting roof, gumdrop siding, crystallized sugar for windows, and a gram cracker door. The door slowly opens and a tall, handsome man steps out of the house. He gives them an amicable smile and begs them to come hither.
Man: You children seem very hungry.
They nod.
Man: (his smile broadens as he winks at Subaru) I've made way too much food for myself. Perhaps you two would like to share it with me.
They nod and Hokuto starts walking inside.
Subaru: (snatches her arm) Wait! What about the Witch?
Hokuto: What about her? Witches are female! Does this guy look like a woman to you?
Subaru: (timidly) But what you said earlier…(sighs) I guess you're right. (walks in with her)
Scene three
Inside the man's house. It looks very much like a typical medieval cottage: a warm fire, large oven, quaint dinette set, two cages hanging from the ceiling large enough to stuff teenagers in…um, cages?
Hokuto: (upon seeing the cages) Ah! He is the Witch! And he's going to stuff us in those cages, feed us lots of food so we get fat (God forbid), and then eat us!
Man: (smiles) Not quite, my dear. I am going to stuff you in those cages…(grabs Hokuto by the collar and tosses her into one of the cast-iron cages, and then slams it and locks it, while Subaru cowers towards the door) …but I certainly wouldn't eat you and I certainly wouldn't want you to get fat. (winks at Subaru as he grabs him by the fanny, carefully places him in the other cage, and then gently closes and locks the door)
Hokuto: (sighs) Oh, good. (grabs the bars and starts shaking the cage, causing it to rock back and forth) Then let us out! What are you going to do to us? (stops shaking the cage and turns white) Oh my God! You're going to kill Subaru and then… (gulps) …rape me. (begins crying) I thought my first time would be with the man I marry! Now I'll have to go into therapy, check into a mental hospital, start using drugs… oh, all my plans for the future have been ruined!
Subaru: (panics) Kill me? Rape you? Oh, Hokuto… (thinks) I have to be a man and save my sister from this pervert. I….uh…(realizes that the man is staring at him) …what is he doing?
Man: (walks over to the cage, putting his hand in through the bars and starts fiddling with Subaru's jacket sleeve) Who says I'm going to rape her and kill you?
Subaru: (backs away) Hokuto…help…!
Hokuto: (laughs out loud) Subaru has a boyfriend! When's the wedding?
Man: (has a dreamy look in his eyes) Subaru, when is the wedding, huh? (brushes his hand against Subaru's cheek)
Subaru: (slaps the man's hand) Stop it!
Man: (backs away, smiling) If you deny my love, then why don't I just eat you two now? (laughs maniacally)
Hokuto: (giggles nervously) Subaru's just nervous. He's never met a man of your caliber before and your beauty and charm overwhelm him.
Subaru: Hokuto! (looks at the man, who's winking at him) No I'm not!
Man: (hands Subaru a small twig with sakura on it) My name is Seishiro Sakurazuka. (grabs Subaru's hand) And you are?
Subaru: (blushes) Subaru Sumeragi and this is my sister, Hokuto Sumeragi. (motions towards Hokuto, who smiles and waves)
Seishiro: (kisses Subaru's hand) It's a pleasure to meet you… (his eyes twinkle) …Subaru.
Subaru: (blushes beet red) Um…I'm a boy.
Seishiro: (continues to hold Subaru's hand) So? You'll be a man soon enough.
Subaru: I mean…I'm male and males aren't supposed to like males.
Seishiro: (laughs deafeningly) You're too much, Subaru. (turns to Hokuto) Did he get out much?
Hokuto: (leans against the bars) Hardly. He always stayed at home complaining. "I'm hungry. I'm dirty. I need new clothes. I'm diseased. Where's the penicillin?" On and on.
Seishiro: Hungry? Dirty? Need new clothes? (winks) Well, I've got everything!
Subaru: (comes up to the bars) Food?
Seishiro: (nods) Of course. But first, you two need a bath. (unlocks their cages) Girls' bathroom's to your left, boys to the right. Don't think of escaping; I've locked the front and back doors. (jingles key in his pocket)
Hokuto: (using psychic communication line all twins have with each other, she talks to Subaru through her mind) Subaru, I have a feeling that guy's going to want to take a bath with you.
Subaru: (using the same line) Oh no! Hokuto, let's just kill ourselves now.
Hokuto: No! When he takes his pants off, try to get the keys out of his pocket on the sly. If that doesn't work, get him drunk and then take the keys from him. Got it?
Subaru: But, Hokuto!
Hokuto: What?
Subaru: Do I have to do anything with him? Ya know…
Hokuto: Oh, yeah! Have fun! (ends psychic twin transmission)
Seishiro leads Subaru into a bathroom.
Scene four
Subaru walks into an immense, nicely decorated bathroom that does not fit with the rest of the house. It has solid, white marble floors, a gigantic whirlpool tub (large enough for three people), fancy towels, candles placed around the tub and sink, and sakura spread throughout the bathroom. Seishiro follows Subaru in.
Subaru: Mr. Sakurazuka…
Seishiro: (puts a hand on Subaru's shoulder) Please, just call me Seishiro.
Subaru: Sorry. (stares at the various components of the bathroom) What's all this for?
Seishiro: (winks) For our romantic, candlelit bath.
Subaru: What? But I hardly know you and I'm straight, I think.
Seishiro: (grabs Subaru's hand and places it on his own chest) I feel like I've known you forever, yet we have just met. Fate has brought us together, Subaru Sumeragi, the same fate that will help me pronounce my affections towards you, and the same fate that will keep us together until the end of time.
Subaru: (has been wooed)
Seishiro: (lets go of Subaru's hand and claps his hands together) Now, then. Let's take a bath.
Subaru: (looks down at himself and realizes he's merely in his swim trunks [A/N: keeping it PG-13]) What the…?
Seishiro: My, you have such a beautiful, slender body. Can I touch it?
Subaru: (grabs a towel and wraps it around himself) No! (tries to open the door, but it's locked) Hokuto! Help!
Hokuto: (from the other room) Woo hoo! Go Subaru and Seishiro!
Seishiro: (makes his way slowly towards Subaru) Don't worry, I wouldn't do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.
Subaru: (sighs) Good.
Seishiro: (wraps his arms around Subaru's waist) But I know you wouldn't feel uncomfortable around me, now, would you?
Subaru: I would! (slaps Seishiro)
Hokuto: (psychic twin transmission) Subaru….remember the plan!
Subaru: Hokuto! Help!
Hokuto: Oh, come on! You know you want to.
Subaru: This isn't what happened to the real Hansel.
Seishiro: (obviously read Subaru's thoughts) The real Hansel didn't have a hot "witch" like myself. (smiles) Now, shall we get clean or… (deepens his voice) …shall we get dirty?
Scene five
Yes, folks, the scene you most wanted to see was cut out. Don't think I'm going to put it in there! I'm too innocent! Well, not really. But I'm not in the mood for righting a lemon. I'll give you the morning after conversation, okay? Anyway… the next scene has Subaru and Seishiro in the cottage's kitchen/dining room. They are both seated at the large wooden table drinking coffee. Subaru in wearing an expensive silk robe and pajamas as well as fancy slippers. Seishiro is wearing a similar outfit. Subaru looks depressed, embarrassed, violated and what not while Seishiro looks overly happy. Hokuto enters curiously, wearing some outlandish costume that she normally wears in Tokyo Babylon.
Hokuto: (excitedly sits next to Subaru) So? What happened last night?
Subaru: (stares into his coffee mug) I…uh…you see… we…
Seishiro: Oh, Hokuto, wouldn't you like to know.
Hokuto: (begs) Tell me, tell me!
Subaru: No!
Seishiro: Well, the other person involved in the event in question has spoken.
Hokuto: (leans back in her chair and folds her arms over her chest in a huff) You're no fun! After you said, "Shall we get clean or shall we get dirty." I didn't hear anything! (thinks) Actually, I heard a few no's, some yes's, and then later all yes's.
Subaru: (turns bright red and puts his hand above his eyes as if trying to shield sunlight) Just pretend you didn't hear anything, okay?
Hokuto: (giggles) Oh, alright. I'll try. (closes her eyes for a moment then opens them) I also heard water splashing. Must have been a real fun party last night. (breaks into a fit of laughter)
Seishiro: Oh, it was. (laughs too)
Subaru: (mumbles) This didn't happen to the real Hansel. (sighs and sinks low into the chair)
Hokuto: (wipes a tear from her eye) Well, looks like we better get going.
Seishiro: Going?
Hokuto: Yes, Mother must be awfully worried about us by now and we don't even have any food! So, nice meeting you Seishiro. (grabs Subaru by the sleeve and drags him to the door) And my brother thanks you for the splendid time he had last night, even though he won't admit it. (attempts to open the door but it's still locked) Oh, that's right. Could you unlock the door please?
Seishiro: (shakes his head no)
Subaru: What? (walks over to Seishiro) I gave you my… (looks at Hokuto, who's smiling) …nevermind. But after all I've…uh…done, you should let us go!
Seishiro: Oh, I admit that was quite the wonderful event last night. (stands and clutches Subaru's hand) However, I'm not through with you yet.
Hokuto: (walks to Seishiro and points a finger at him) Listen, you! As much as I encourage your relationship with Subaru, I still think that you should give us our freedom, which we highly deserve, especially after all that… (snickers) …action last night!
Seishiro: (laughs maniacally) Trust me, "all that" wasn't all enough for me.
Subaru: Wait! Are you saying I'm not good enough for you?
Seishiro: Oh, you're better than good. You just haven't given it to me enough times to deem it sufficient. (winks)
Subaru: (blushes) Oh.
Hokuto: (sighs and sits at the table) He's got a point. I mean, you don't kidnap a person and rape them once, now do you?
Subaru: Hokuto! Don't say that word!
Seishiro: Who ever said it was rape? (brings Subaru close to him) It wasn't rape, was it?
Subaru: (blushes) I don't know…
Hokuto: (sighs) Ya know, the real Hansel and Gretel threw the Witch into the oven. (smiles at Seishiro sinisterly)
Seishiro: The oven is only two feet deep. You don't seriously think that you could stuff all of me in there?
Hokuto: (laughs) We'll just have to stuff bits and pieces of you in there at a time.
Seishiro and Hokuto laugh.
Subaru: (stands from his seat) You wouldn't do that, Hokuto! I wouldn't let you.
Hokuto: Oh, are you getting attached to your kidnapper, eh?
Subaru: No! (blushes) I just think that you shouldn't treat people like that. (meekly) That's all.
Seishiro: (holds Subaru in his arms) You're such a kind, innocent person. I have to change that. (leans over Subaru's face, ready to kiss him)
Subaru: (stutters) Sei-sei-sei-…
Seishiro: (drops Subaru on the ground) But it's too early in the morning. Let's make some porridge. Hokuto?
Hokuto: (squeals) Oh! I love to cook! (scurries off to the kitchen)
Subaru: (manages to lift himself back into the chair) Ow…
Hokuto enters again momentarily carrying three bowls of porridge, each labeled with a name of the one of the inhabitants of the cottage. She places them on the table.
Seishiro: (takes a scoop of porridge and puts it near his lips) Hm… Too hot.
Subaru and Hokuto agree.
Seishiro: I know! Why don't we go for a walk? By the time we get back, the porridge will be just right.
Subaru: Wait! This is starting to sound like…
Hokuto: (covers Subaru's mouth with her hand) A walk would be nice. (again, using psychic twin telepathy) We could try to escape again.
Subaru: (through telepathy) Oh, right.
They all exit the cottage, leaving their porridge sitting on the table. But unbeknownst to them, a tired, hungry interloper was just waiting for them to leave…And a few minutes later, he sneaks in the cottage.
TO BE CONTINUED….Who is the guy sneaking up to the cottage? What are the rest of Seishiro's dirty plans? Are we gonna see a lemon? No, sorry. JOIN US NEXT TIME!!
This Chapter: Twins Subaru and Hokuto are starving to death and they must find food in the deep dark woods. However, they find something extremely…disturbing.
Rating: PG-13 for shounen-ai (well, let's just say people get in the sac with the same sex here). S/S, S/S/K. Mild swearing, too, but you don't really mind that, do you?
Author's Note: This is madness gone way too far. If this is REALLY stupid to you, it's stupid to me too. I just felt fairy tales needed a face lift.
Fairy Tales Get Messed Up Tokyo Babylon/X Style
Chapter I: Subaru and Hokuto
Scene One:
The scene opens with Subaru and Hokuto in ragged, medieval peasant costume in a medieval peasant house with medieval peasant furniture. Subaru is sitting at a rough wooden table, reading, his eyes slowly drooping while Hokuto is vigorously sweeping the dirt floor. She stops to glance over at Subaru.
Hokuto: (right hand on her hip as she leans against the broom) Subaru! Why aren't you working?
Subaru: (looks up, pouts) I'm too hungry to eat.
Hokuto: (walks over to him and very maternally, puts an arm around him) There, there, Subaru, Mother will be back with something to eat sure enough.
Subaru: (looks at her) Really?
Hokuto: (nods and smiles) But until then… (shoves the broom in his face) Sweep! I'm going to try to tidy up before Mother comes home. (starts straightening out the table)
Subaru: (takes the broom and begins sweeping) So hungry.
1 Mother enters wearing equally ragged medieval peasant clothing. She's carrying a large, stuffed burlap sack.
Mother: Hello, children.
Subaru and Hokuto: (in unison) Good afternoon, Mother.
Hokuto: (skips over to Mother, attempting to peek inside the sack, but mother snatches it away) How was market?
Mother: (plops down into a chair) Wonderful!
Subaru and Hokuto look at each other greedily, dribble excreting from their mouths.
Mother: (opens up the sack and takes out a Precious Moments statuette) These were only 10 pounds a piece and I got seven!
Hokuto: (flabbergasted) You spent 70 pounds on…on… statuettes?
Mother: (nods) And get this…(pulls out a Beanie Baby) …two for 11 pounds!
By now, Hokuto is having a seizure, mumbling, "We have not money, no food, no money, no food…"; and Subaru's frozen in time.
Subaru: (meekly) Did you get any food?
Mother: (smiles and reaches into the bag) Of course, silly, you think I'm a bad mother? (pulls out a loaf of bread) It was cheap because it's seven weeks old.
Subaru: (grabs it greedily) Mine!
Hokuto: (jumps at Subaru and wrestles the bread from his hands) I have a better idea! This bread is too old for us to eat.
Subaru: (ravenously) So? At least we'll die from food poisoning instead of hunger! (attempts to snatch it from Hokuto, but she moves quickly out of his way, causing him to fall flat on his face)
Hokuto: This is what we'll do: Subaru and I will try to find some food out in the woods. So we don't get lost, we can leave a trail of breadcrumbs behind us. Good plan, huh?
Subaru: (rolls over onto his back) Screw the plan! I'm hungry!
Mother: Sounds good to me, Hokuto. Be sure to watch out for the Witch. She's a very tricky old brawd, she is.
Hokuto: (rolls her eyes) Oh, please! Everyone knows there's no "Witch"! It's just some perverted guy stealing little boys. The villagers are calling him "The Witch" because they always blame woman! (grabs Subaru by his hair and drags him across the floor) Come on, Subaru.
Subaru: Ow! (makes an effort to stand)
Scene two:
Subaru and Hokuto are walking through the woods. Hokuto is picking off a tiny piece of bread every ten steps and dropping it to the ground.
Subaru: (meekly) Hokuto, what if we don't find any food?
Hokuto: We will. And if we don't… (laughs) …let's hope the wolves get us before the Witch!
Subaru: (gasps) Is the Witch real?
Hokuto: (laughs) Don't be silly! Didn't you listen to my little explanation of the Witch?
Subaru: (shakes his head)
Hokuto: Well, then, to sum it all up, there is no "Witch".
Subaru: (smiles) Right, it's just some urban legend.
They continue to trudge on, not noticing that they have entered The Really Scary Deep Dark Woods ™.
Subaru: (perks up) Do you smell something?
Hokuto: (closes her eyes and sniffs the air) Smells like…
Both: CANDY!
They run as fast as they can, forgetting to make the trail of breadcrumbs. Finally, after about a half a mile, they stop in front of a large gingerbread house with a frosting roof, gumdrop siding, crystallized sugar for windows, and a gram cracker door. The door slowly opens and a tall, handsome man steps out of the house. He gives them an amicable smile and begs them to come hither.
Man: You children seem very hungry.
They nod.
Man: (his smile broadens as he winks at Subaru) I've made way too much food for myself. Perhaps you two would like to share it with me.
They nod and Hokuto starts walking inside.
Subaru: (snatches her arm) Wait! What about the Witch?
Hokuto: What about her? Witches are female! Does this guy look like a woman to you?
Subaru: (timidly) But what you said earlier…(sighs) I guess you're right. (walks in with her)
Scene three
Inside the man's house. It looks very much like a typical medieval cottage: a warm fire, large oven, quaint dinette set, two cages hanging from the ceiling large enough to stuff teenagers in…um, cages?
Hokuto: (upon seeing the cages) Ah! He is the Witch! And he's going to stuff us in those cages, feed us lots of food so we get fat (God forbid), and then eat us!
Man: (smiles) Not quite, my dear. I am going to stuff you in those cages…(grabs Hokuto by the collar and tosses her into one of the cast-iron cages, and then slams it and locks it, while Subaru cowers towards the door) …but I certainly wouldn't eat you and I certainly wouldn't want you to get fat. (winks at Subaru as he grabs him by the fanny, carefully places him in the other cage, and then gently closes and locks the door)
Hokuto: (sighs) Oh, good. (grabs the bars and starts shaking the cage, causing it to rock back and forth) Then let us out! What are you going to do to us? (stops shaking the cage and turns white) Oh my God! You're going to kill Subaru and then… (gulps) …rape me. (begins crying) I thought my first time would be with the man I marry! Now I'll have to go into therapy, check into a mental hospital, start using drugs… oh, all my plans for the future have been ruined!
Subaru: (panics) Kill me? Rape you? Oh, Hokuto… (thinks) I have to be a man and save my sister from this pervert. I….uh…(realizes that the man is staring at him) …what is he doing?
Man: (walks over to the cage, putting his hand in through the bars and starts fiddling with Subaru's jacket sleeve) Who says I'm going to rape her and kill you?
Subaru: (backs away) Hokuto…help…!
Hokuto: (laughs out loud) Subaru has a boyfriend! When's the wedding?
Man: (has a dreamy look in his eyes) Subaru, when is the wedding, huh? (brushes his hand against Subaru's cheek)
Subaru: (slaps the man's hand) Stop it!
Man: (backs away, smiling) If you deny my love, then why don't I just eat you two now? (laughs maniacally)
Hokuto: (giggles nervously) Subaru's just nervous. He's never met a man of your caliber before and your beauty and charm overwhelm him.
Subaru: Hokuto! (looks at the man, who's winking at him) No I'm not!
Man: (hands Subaru a small twig with sakura on it) My name is Seishiro Sakurazuka. (grabs Subaru's hand) And you are?
Subaru: (blushes) Subaru Sumeragi and this is my sister, Hokuto Sumeragi. (motions towards Hokuto, who smiles and waves)
Seishiro: (kisses Subaru's hand) It's a pleasure to meet you… (his eyes twinkle) …Subaru.
Subaru: (blushes beet red) Um…I'm a boy.
Seishiro: (continues to hold Subaru's hand) So? You'll be a man soon enough.
Subaru: I mean…I'm male and males aren't supposed to like males.
Seishiro: (laughs deafeningly) You're too much, Subaru. (turns to Hokuto) Did he get out much?
Hokuto: (leans against the bars) Hardly. He always stayed at home complaining. "I'm hungry. I'm dirty. I need new clothes. I'm diseased. Where's the penicillin?" On and on.
Seishiro: Hungry? Dirty? Need new clothes? (winks) Well, I've got everything!
Subaru: (comes up to the bars) Food?
Seishiro: (nods) Of course. But first, you two need a bath. (unlocks their cages) Girls' bathroom's to your left, boys to the right. Don't think of escaping; I've locked the front and back doors. (jingles key in his pocket)
Hokuto: (using psychic communication line all twins have with each other, she talks to Subaru through her mind) Subaru, I have a feeling that guy's going to want to take a bath with you.
Subaru: (using the same line) Oh no! Hokuto, let's just kill ourselves now.
Hokuto: No! When he takes his pants off, try to get the keys out of his pocket on the sly. If that doesn't work, get him drunk and then take the keys from him. Got it?
Subaru: But, Hokuto!
Hokuto: What?
Subaru: Do I have to do anything with him? Ya know…
Hokuto: Oh, yeah! Have fun! (ends psychic twin transmission)
Seishiro leads Subaru into a bathroom.
Scene four
Subaru walks into an immense, nicely decorated bathroom that does not fit with the rest of the house. It has solid, white marble floors, a gigantic whirlpool tub (large enough for three people), fancy towels, candles placed around the tub and sink, and sakura spread throughout the bathroom. Seishiro follows Subaru in.
Subaru: Mr. Sakurazuka…
Seishiro: (puts a hand on Subaru's shoulder) Please, just call me Seishiro.
Subaru: Sorry. (stares at the various components of the bathroom) What's all this for?
Seishiro: (winks) For our romantic, candlelit bath.
Subaru: What? But I hardly know you and I'm straight, I think.
Seishiro: (grabs Subaru's hand and places it on his own chest) I feel like I've known you forever, yet we have just met. Fate has brought us together, Subaru Sumeragi, the same fate that will help me pronounce my affections towards you, and the same fate that will keep us together until the end of time.
Subaru: (has been wooed)
Seishiro: (lets go of Subaru's hand and claps his hands together) Now, then. Let's take a bath.
Subaru: (looks down at himself and realizes he's merely in his swim trunks [A/N: keeping it PG-13]) What the…?
Seishiro: My, you have such a beautiful, slender body. Can I touch it?
Subaru: (grabs a towel and wraps it around himself) No! (tries to open the door, but it's locked) Hokuto! Help!
Hokuto: (from the other room) Woo hoo! Go Subaru and Seishiro!
Seishiro: (makes his way slowly towards Subaru) Don't worry, I wouldn't do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.
Subaru: (sighs) Good.
Seishiro: (wraps his arms around Subaru's waist) But I know you wouldn't feel uncomfortable around me, now, would you?
Subaru: I would! (slaps Seishiro)
Hokuto: (psychic twin transmission) Subaru….remember the plan!
Subaru: Hokuto! Help!
Hokuto: Oh, come on! You know you want to.
Subaru: This isn't what happened to the real Hansel.
Seishiro: (obviously read Subaru's thoughts) The real Hansel didn't have a hot "witch" like myself. (smiles) Now, shall we get clean or… (deepens his voice) …shall we get dirty?
Scene five
Yes, folks, the scene you most wanted to see was cut out. Don't think I'm going to put it in there! I'm too innocent! Well, not really. But I'm not in the mood for righting a lemon. I'll give you the morning after conversation, okay? Anyway… the next scene has Subaru and Seishiro in the cottage's kitchen/dining room. They are both seated at the large wooden table drinking coffee. Subaru in wearing an expensive silk robe and pajamas as well as fancy slippers. Seishiro is wearing a similar outfit. Subaru looks depressed, embarrassed, violated and what not while Seishiro looks overly happy. Hokuto enters curiously, wearing some outlandish costume that she normally wears in Tokyo Babylon.
Hokuto: (excitedly sits next to Subaru) So? What happened last night?
Subaru: (stares into his coffee mug) I…uh…you see… we…
Seishiro: Oh, Hokuto, wouldn't you like to know.
Hokuto: (begs) Tell me, tell me!
Subaru: No!
Seishiro: Well, the other person involved in the event in question has spoken.
Hokuto: (leans back in her chair and folds her arms over her chest in a huff) You're no fun! After you said, "Shall we get clean or shall we get dirty." I didn't hear anything! (thinks) Actually, I heard a few no's, some yes's, and then later all yes's.
Subaru: (turns bright red and puts his hand above his eyes as if trying to shield sunlight) Just pretend you didn't hear anything, okay?
Hokuto: (giggles) Oh, alright. I'll try. (closes her eyes for a moment then opens them) I also heard water splashing. Must have been a real fun party last night. (breaks into a fit of laughter)
Seishiro: Oh, it was. (laughs too)
Subaru: (mumbles) This didn't happen to the real Hansel. (sighs and sinks low into the chair)
Hokuto: (wipes a tear from her eye) Well, looks like we better get going.
Seishiro: Going?
Hokuto: Yes, Mother must be awfully worried about us by now and we don't even have any food! So, nice meeting you Seishiro. (grabs Subaru by the sleeve and drags him to the door) And my brother thanks you for the splendid time he had last night, even though he won't admit it. (attempts to open the door but it's still locked) Oh, that's right. Could you unlock the door please?
Seishiro: (shakes his head no)
Subaru: What? (walks over to Seishiro) I gave you my… (looks at Hokuto, who's smiling) …nevermind. But after all I've…uh…done, you should let us go!
Seishiro: Oh, I admit that was quite the wonderful event last night. (stands and clutches Subaru's hand) However, I'm not through with you yet.
Hokuto: (walks to Seishiro and points a finger at him) Listen, you! As much as I encourage your relationship with Subaru, I still think that you should give us our freedom, which we highly deserve, especially after all that… (snickers) …action last night!
Seishiro: (laughs maniacally) Trust me, "all that" wasn't all enough for me.
Subaru: Wait! Are you saying I'm not good enough for you?
Seishiro: Oh, you're better than good. You just haven't given it to me enough times to deem it sufficient. (winks)
Subaru: (blushes) Oh.
Hokuto: (sighs and sits at the table) He's got a point. I mean, you don't kidnap a person and rape them once, now do you?
Subaru: Hokuto! Don't say that word!
Seishiro: Who ever said it was rape? (brings Subaru close to him) It wasn't rape, was it?
Subaru: (blushes) I don't know…
Hokuto: (sighs) Ya know, the real Hansel and Gretel threw the Witch into the oven. (smiles at Seishiro sinisterly)
Seishiro: The oven is only two feet deep. You don't seriously think that you could stuff all of me in there?
Hokuto: (laughs) We'll just have to stuff bits and pieces of you in there at a time.
Seishiro and Hokuto laugh.
Subaru: (stands from his seat) You wouldn't do that, Hokuto! I wouldn't let you.
Hokuto: Oh, are you getting attached to your kidnapper, eh?
Subaru: No! (blushes) I just think that you shouldn't treat people like that. (meekly) That's all.
Seishiro: (holds Subaru in his arms) You're such a kind, innocent person. I have to change that. (leans over Subaru's face, ready to kiss him)
Subaru: (stutters) Sei-sei-sei-…
Seishiro: (drops Subaru on the ground) But it's too early in the morning. Let's make some porridge. Hokuto?
Hokuto: (squeals) Oh! I love to cook! (scurries off to the kitchen)
Subaru: (manages to lift himself back into the chair) Ow…
Hokuto enters again momentarily carrying three bowls of porridge, each labeled with a name of the one of the inhabitants of the cottage. She places them on the table.
Seishiro: (takes a scoop of porridge and puts it near his lips) Hm… Too hot.
Subaru and Hokuto agree.
Seishiro: I know! Why don't we go for a walk? By the time we get back, the porridge will be just right.
Subaru: Wait! This is starting to sound like…
Hokuto: (covers Subaru's mouth with her hand) A walk would be nice. (again, using psychic twin telepathy) We could try to escape again.
Subaru: (through telepathy) Oh, right.
They all exit the cottage, leaving their porridge sitting on the table. But unbeknownst to them, a tired, hungry interloper was just waiting for them to leave…And a few minutes later, he sneaks in the cottage.
TO BE CONTINUED….Who is the guy sneaking up to the cottage? What are the rest of Seishiro's dirty plans? Are we gonna see a lemon? No, sorry. JOIN US NEXT TIME!!