Episode 1 – Odd Advice.
Snake awoke to a new morning when his alarm clock went off. He would have slammed his fist down on it causing it to shatter into many pieces, but he decided not to do so this time. Wal-Mart no longer believed that the clocks fell apart the instant Snake took them out of the box. Snake threw off the sheets of his bed and got himself moving before the fifth shrill beep of the alarm clock. Boot camp had given birth to that trait. Snake switched off his buzzing alarm clock. He then pulled back his curtains to see what the weather was like. A raging blizzard greeted him. After admiring the ferocity of nature for a few minutes, Snake closed his curtains and wandered out of his bedroom.
Today would be another day of solitude. Snake had gone back to being a recluse after the Big Shell Incident. He'd given up on making friends and maintaining any of the relationships he had with the people he knew. Snake did not need them and the solitude helped him cope with all of his inner demons. At least that's what he preferred to believe. Deep down inside past his crusty exterior rich in iron and protein he could not help but feel a bit detached.
However, he was not completely secluded in the Alaskan wilderness. Snake had a sled team of five dogs that slept in the garage attached to this house. Mushing was still a hobby of his and his dogs often brought him many victories in local competitions. They were the only particular living entities that he cared for these days and served as his company since very few people went to Snake's place uninvited. Perhaps the best thing about his dogs was their inability to speak. Animals were cursed to listen patiently, if they listened at all. Snake sometimes found himself admiring this. Silence, especially for him, was golden.
He would attend to them later. Snake went into his living room. There was a heavy chill in the air. His heater had to be on the fritz again. He was usually proficient when it came to fixing things, but his heater was proving to be a great challenge and he refused to hire someone to do the job for him. Buying a new one was also out of the question as that would mean letting the unit win. It would really help if he could find the manual.
Three messages awaited him on his answering machine, but he ignored them. If it had to deal with anything truly important, the army would have kicked down his door and shoved him in the back of a van by now. Snake walked over to his television and switched it on. He caught his local forecast just in time to learn that the blizzard would go on for a few more hours.
The messages on the phone continued to taunt him. Snake decided to devote his attention to them. None of the messages on his phone were from Otacon. Their lead on the Patriots had gone cold. FOXDIE was still something to worry about. Compared to the fact that Ocelot was in town, those two problems were insignificant.
"Good morning, Snake," a cultured voice said.
Someone else was in his house. Uninvited. Snake turned around to face the individual, ready to fight whoever it was. His eyes fell on Blitz. The dog was sitting down and looking up at Snake as if he was expecting a treat. Snake sighed in relief and sat down on his couch, thankful that it was just his imagination. Thinking about Ocelot made him nervous, especially since Ocelot had managed to convince Campbell and Raiden that he had changed his ways. Snake wasn't buying it.
Blitz rounded the corner of the couch and looked up at Snake. The voice came again.
"Did you sleep well? Any more nightmares? I should hope not."
Snake slapped at his face and tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He only heard voices if he was having an episode and that always occurred when he was in a much darker mood.
"Down here!"
He focused on Blitz, who nodded in a manner uncharacteristic of a dog.
"Blitz, is that you?"
"Yes. My, what it takes to get your attention these days. Very well. I shall now proceed to roll over five times for you."
The dog did as he had said he would. Snake braced himself against the couch, sinking into the exquisite leather like a turtle trying to hide inside its shell.
"Still unconvinced?" Blitz asked. "How's this?"
Blitz's mouth began moving as he spoke. The voice was still the same. Apparently Blitz had not only somehow learned telepathy, but he had conquered the limitations of his jaw and tongue and could now manipulate both into producing speech. Snake could feel his heart slamming against his chest. His mind raced for some type of logical explanation, but he couldn't come up with one.
"My goodness Snake, are you ill?" Blitz asked in a concerned tone, his mouth still moving in an eerie manner.
That's just wonderful. I'm finally going crazy.
A feeling of primal terror filled Snake to the point where he became short of breath. To be conscious of his clear lapse in sanity was truly horrifying. It was the first time in his life that he had felt such mortal terror and he was thankful nobody was around to see it. Nobody but Blitz, but who would he ever tell? All logic appeared to be lost now. His dog had just talked to him and even expressed concern for his well-being. Where was the science behind this? Nowhere. That could only mean one thing.
"Are you a ghost? Some kind of demon? Why have you possessed my dog?"
Snake cursed himself. Replying to the voice indicated he had accepted its existence.
"I think you've been reading a little too much Lovecraft lately."
This was too much for him to handle. It was bad enough to begin with, but now his dog had expressed brainpower beyond his normal reach by indicating he understood the complexity of Lovecraft, which put Blitz ahead of Mei Ling and Meryl.
If I really am going crazy, how will I ever be normal again? Snake asked himself.
Was he really losing his mind? Insanity ran in his family. It then occurred to him this might be happening because he had neglected to take the meds that had been prescribed to him for his PTSD. His doctor had given him an anti-depressant, an anti-psychotic, a sleep aid, and a painkiller for his back pain. Doped up on all those at once, Snake normally found himself drooling over titty magazines and eating coffee beans. He didn't like feeling so out of it and had been without any of the pills for two weeks. That had to be the answer. Now that he had an explanation for the hallucination in front of him, Snake began to calm down.
"Well, have it no matter. As you can plainly see, I am talking to you," Blitz stated, bringing Snake out of his introspection.
"Stop moving your mouth."
"I assure you that this is far more comfortable than telepathy."
Blitz's mouth moved with uncanny precision. If a dog could speak at all, its speech would be severally impaired and it would not sound like a normal human voice due to how the snout was shaped. Yet there it was right in front of him, moving perfectly in sync with what Blitz had to say in an overwhelmingly grotesque manner.
"You look like you just gave blood," Blitz observed. With a smirk.
"I should have just settled for a colony of dwarf hamsters."
Snake was beginning to think that this might not actually have anything to do with the drugs he had forgotten to take. This was a completely different kind of experience. He was far too lucid and his mind wasn't focusing on any sort of trauma.
"Why am I seeing this? Is this some sort of guilt trip for killing those wolves on Shadow Moses? What do you want, Blitz? Should I run to the pound and free all of the dogs that are about to be neutered? Shall we call it a revolution? Is that was this is all about?" Snake caught himself. "Damn, what the hell am I babbling? You are a bad dog, Blitz. Bad dog! Stop talking to me or I'll rub your nose in it!"
"Have I even begun to suggest such a preposterous idea? There's absolutely no need to panic. You need to calm down. I am your friend, remember?"
"It's a dream!" Snake shouted, snapping his fingers. "I must still be asleep."
Snake then tried everything he could do to wake himself up. He pinched the palm of his left hand until it was purple. When that didn't work he closed his eyes and jerked his head. For whatever reason, that usually woke him up. Every time he opened his eyes, he could still see Blitz in front of him. He began to realize that his dream theory wasn't holding up and that's when panic tried to get back in. Snake held it at bay and realized that if he played along everything might eventually return to normal.
"Were you just exercising?" Blitz asked. "It's good to keep in shape. You never know when Campbell will give away your address again, do you?"
Snake could almost smell the smoke shooting out of his ears due to the strain this entire ordeal was putting on his brain.
"You two sure are loud," a female voice stated.
Blitz and Snake turned to see another dog enter the room. It was Nikki, the only female of the pack.
"Is something wrong?" Nikki asked Blitz.
"Snake was a bit shocked when I greeted him. That's to be expected, though," Blitz answered.
"Wait a second, how did you two get into the house? The dog door is locked from the inside."
"You forgot to lock it last night. Shame on you," Nikki said.
"No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did," Blitz said.
Who would still be on first by the time they finished this argument. Snake got up and walked past Nikki and Blitz.
"Where are you going?" Nikki asked.
Snake ignored her. If they really wanted to know they'd follow him and he was sure they would. The door to the garage was locked. He knelt down to inspect the dog door and saw that the bolt was retracted, which was impossible. Snake made sure his house was locked up tight every night out of habit. He stood up and opened the door. A nasty creak emitted from the hinge that Snake promised himself he would oil later if he hadn't shot himself first. Snake stepped inside the garage.
A wave of warmth hit him, signaling that the separate heater Snake kept out here for his dogs was working, unlike his own. He had put a small lamp on top of an old box next to where the pack slept so they would have light when they needed it. In the corner to his left was the feeding area, and in the corner to his right was his sled. The dogs shared their nest with Snake's green Jeep Wrangler. Finally, a large crate which contained an assortment of heavy duty weapons he had snuck home was sitting innocently in the middle of the room.
"Oh, you want to meet the rest of my pack?" Blitz asked. "What a splendid idea. Go ahead, we don't bite."
The rest of the dogs were still resting next to the heater. Snake checked the garage for signs of intrusion. The only way in was through a regular door near the shutters. He never used it. Snake noticed that the deadbolt and chain weren't in position, which was impossible. He blinked and took a step forward only to discover that he had been seeing things. The stress was really getting to him. Snake fiddled with the door and made certain that it was locked.
"Hey, James Bond. Down here."
Reece was looking up at him. Out of all his dogs, this one was the one he had trouble getting along with. Stubborn and lazy, Reece was an apathetic underachiever who only wanted to eat and sleep.
"I'm hungry and I want some of those downers you give to Dayne."
"Did somebody say Dayne?" asked the dog who happened to have been given that name. "Door open! The Dayne will run through house! Semper fidelis, ab uno disce omnes!"
Always faithful, from one, learn all? Snake didn't even try to make sense out of that. Dayne took off at full speed, bumping past Blitz and Nikki on the quest he had just announced before indicating that he knew some Latin. Dayne was overly energetic. He was faster than the other dogs and could not ever be bothered to pace himself. As Reece had mentioned, Snake gave Dayne medicine to keep him mellow since he could be a real handful.
Reece walked over to his bowl and began scratching at it. He gave Snake a distasteful look. Snake didn't like the idea of being ordered around by one of his dogs, but he would bear with it for the time being. He gave them a rationed meal and didn't need to fill up their water dishes. Reece began eating immediately.
"Foods on," Snake announced in a broken tune.
Snake heard a loud thud and a yelp.
"The bookcase challenges The Dayne, who is a gentleman and knows better than to pick fights with the Master's loot!"
Once they were fed, Snake would get to the bottom of this and do whatever he needed to do to get it to stop. Given all he had experienced, this was nothing. He had taken down a tank with a couple of grenades. A cowboy psychopath had somehow managed to live after being shot in the chest ten times. His days as a mercenary were even more colorful, but nobody was around to talk about them but him, which was fantastic. He really needed a beer.
Snake spotted Blitz whispering something into Nikki's ear. She disappeared into the house while Blitz came in to eat. Clearly they were conspiring against him. Only one dog remained silent. Skyler, the oldest dog in the pack, was still lying on his side next to the heater.
"So, you don't talk?" Snake asked. "I thought it was contagious."
Skyler was silent for a moment. A slight hint of uncertainty was in his eyes as he looked around the room.
"Skyler, get with the program," Reece said.
"This wasn't my idea," Skyler was quick to proclaim with a heavy Australian accent. "I wanted us to do something a bit more subtle, but nobody agreed with me."
"Leaving sticky notes around the house would have just made him more paranoid," Nikki stated as she entered the room with Dayne.
His dogs must have planned this out. Snake could picture all of them huddled in a circle while he was deep in sleep having dreams about being chased by armed soldiers when all he had to defend himself with was a bunch of water balloons painted over with a pattern that made them resemble grenades. Somehow his dogs had managed to light the lamp and each of them could only see the other's face. Blitz would be the one leading the discussion while drawing some type of diagram out with his paw while the rest of them nodded in agreement.
"Why do you have an accent?" Snake asked Skyler. "You weren't bred in Australia."
"Who the hell told you that? I bet it was that Roy Campbell again. He's always lying to you about something," Skyler snapped.
"I have your papers in. . .you know what, never mind."
An idea suddenly came to him. All his dogs were now in the garage. This might be his only chance to get away from them. Snake slowly began to edge his way toward the door while his animals finished their meal.
"Snakie is stalking!" Dayne declared.
"What did you just call him?" Skyler asked Dayne.
"Is that really what you look like before you break someone's neck?" Nikki asked.
"He's trying to escape! Reece, block the doorway with your body!" Blitz ordered.
"Why don't you do it?" Reece asked.
As graceful as a retired member of an elite espionage unit could, Snake bolted for the door with complete disregard for his animals. He tripped over Blitz, who tried to block Snake's path with his side. Snake crawled out of the garage and used his foot to close the door behind him just as Dayne and Nikki slammed against the wooden barrier. He quickly bolted the dog door.
Snake remained on his back and sighed in relief. The nightmare was finally over. He'd need to beg his pharmacy to fill his prescription on the same day if he could make it into town.
"Nobody panic! We'll get out of here," Blitz said.
How exactly could a dog open a locked door? A screeching noise came from inside the garage. It sounded like they were dragging something heavy across the floor. Was it the sled? Snake really wished he knew. He stood up and pressed his ear against the door so he might be able to hear what they were doing a little better. None of them said a word. They were back to communicating with each other in dog rather than English. A new noise greeted him. His dogs were opening a crate. Nails groaned in protest as they were pried out of wood.
That couldn't possibly be his heavy munitions crate they were playing in. His Stinger missile launcher was there, just in case he had to shoot down another helicopter, which honestly seemed very likely to him given how his life went. One of the dogs put something on the other end of the door. They were playing around with his C-4.
"Snake, I'd advise you move about thirty feet away from the door! You have ten seconds, starting now!" Blitz shouted.
"Wait! Stop! I'll let you out! Blitz!" Snake shouted.
Blitz didn't answer. Snake tried to open the door, but it was stuck. That took about five seconds to discover. Were they using the whole brick? Snake started running. The door exploded, sending shrapnel everywhere. Wasting no time, he immediately dropped to the ground and put his hands over his head. It was over just as quickly as it had begun.
That could have killed him. Snake's ears were ringing. He could smell smoke. Snake got off the floor and looked down his hallway where a hole opened up to reveal his garage. His dogs emerged from the cloud of debris like a pack of superheroes walking away from the burning remains of a base full of baby killers.
"You're all just full of surprises," Snake said.
"I do believe that it would be appropriate to explain why we are speaking with you."
"I await your reply with baited breath."
"How limited do you think the intelligence of a dog is? I admit that we dogs do not appear to - "
"Get to the point," Snake said.
"Look, we've seen the way you live your life. It pains us that we are your only friends. I think that we might be able to help you change that. Do you care enough to give us a chance to share our thoughts about your habits and personal quirks?"
"It doesn't look like I have a choice. Follow me," Snake replied.
Was he really going to take advice from sled dogs that barked at the sound of snow falling off of the roof, tried attacking the cup of coffee he burned himself with, and ate Meryl's goulash? The only way out of this predicament was shooting them with his M9. Snake entered his living room with his dogs following right behind him. He stopped by his gun cabinet and wondered just how much he would hate himself if he went through with that idea. Snake didn't have to think long because that particular weapon was missing from his cabinet.
That must have been what Blitz had told Nikki to do earlier. There was simply no way she could have opened his cabinet on her own, but Snake would have to accept that she had. He briefly considered driving away, but the weather outside was still terrible. They had him trapped and there was only one thing he could do about it. Snake went into his kitchen, took out a bottle of whiskey, and poured himself a glass of the sweet nectar.
"Cheers," he said to his dogs.
He drank the booze quickly and then poured himself another glass.
"Before we begin, let's remember how I got here," Snake said. "Our lead on the Patriots went cold. Any credibility Philanthropy had was thrown out the window when that tanker sank. Technically, I'm still a terrorist. If it weren't for Otacon, the spooks would have already found me. I told Otacon that I wanted to go back to Alaska for a little while, he told Campbell, and then suddenly everyone wants to live within a five mile radius of me."
Snake downed half of his second glass before continuing. At least his dogs were giving him a chance to defend himself.
"Six months later Ocelot shows up with a bunch of people I thought were dead. People I saw die in front of me during Shadow Moses and the Big Shell. It's such an obvious trap that it is quite frankly insulting. Ocelot buttered up Campbell and now they expect all of us to get along. I'd kill him, but Campbell said that if I did I might as well kill everyone I know because Ocelot is on our side now. And here we are."
"You're digging yourself into a hole," Nikki said. "This isn't living, Snake. What if Ocelot is really on your side now?"
"Then he's double crossing the Patriots and he might as well give Otacon a lead so we can put them out of their misery."
"Maybe he can't right now," Skyler said.
"Or perhaps he's here to lure us into a false sense of security so he can strike when the time is right. He certainly has the opportunity to do so. We're packed in so close together that Campbell knows when Naomi farts."
"But Campbell trusts him," Nikki insisted.
Snake had a good laugh at that. He had heard this entire argument before. His dogs were bringing nothing new to the table.
"Do you honestly expect me to accept your argument because of who Campbell trusts?" Snake asked. "Skyler, what do you think? You seem to know what he's like."
Skyler licked his lips and twitched his right ear a couple of times.
"I don't think we know enough to make a decision. One thing is for sure, though. Barricading yourself inside of your home is not the answer. If you really are in danger, strike before the enemy does. Prove to everyone that you're right."
He hadn't thought of that. Suddenly Snake felt incredibly foolish. It had been a month since Ocelot had arrived. Some sort of plan might have already been in motion, but it wasn't too late to act.
"You should at least get a hobby," Dayne suggested. "I bet you could be a painter, but what good would painting do you if you didn't have anyone to share your art with? You haven't even started yet and already you have problems."
"I do have hobbies. I collect cardboard boxes."
"I think we should talk about that too since you brought it up," Nikki said.
"No, bad dog! You can talk to me about anything else but that. I'm not giving up cardboard boxes for anyone. I don't care what it costs me and that is the end of this particular discussion. Period."
"Remember that time you tried to sneak into the theater without paying?" Reece asked. "Nobody suspects an inconspicuous box of Orville Redenbacher, especially at a movie theater. Isn't that what you said? I'm pretty sure it was."
Snake sat back down and reflected on that memory.
"Okay, but that was only one time and I learned my lesson," Snake insisted.
"You told yourself you were going to plan that one out a little better next time." Reece reminded him.
"There will be no next time," Snake assured them, disgusted with the memory. "That was just a terrible idea to begin with."
"But what about the bowling alley? They just had to be expecting a delivery and sometimes UPS waits until the last minute to drop off a package," Skyler stated.
"Alright! I'll stop trying to use the box to get into places without having to pay."
"You can still theater hop!" Dayne said.
"Thank goodness, what would I do if my dogs disapproved of my occasional spurts of petty theft? With as much as I have done for the world, everybody owes me a couple bucks. Besides, I have to sneak. It's not an addiction. It's a way of life."
"Mei Ling," Nikki said simply.
Snake knew what she was referring to. He had once stalked Mei Ling by following her around for a week so he could observe what she liked doing. It was far more fun than asking her in person. Eventually Snake began to feel bad about it and stopped shadowing her. He never apologized to her for it. She was oblivious to the entire thing. Alcoholism ensued.
"Raiden."
"I should be nice to the people I know, right?" Snake said, taking the hint immediately.
"Especially Raiden. And what about the time you stood Meryl up at the movies?"
"She's so young I would have felt like her father."
"She asked you! How often does that happen?"
Snake shrugged, unable to come up with an excuse. Meryl had only wanted to see how he had been doing since he disappeared shortly after they were both taken to the Galena air force base.
"What about the time you promised to come save Campbell when his car died?"
"It was two in the morning and I accidentally fell right back to sleep. He could have called me back, but the battery in my phone was dead. That was just a stroke of bad luck. How do you even know all of this? I don't talk about these people around you."
"We can smell it," Dayne said.
"Ignoring the people I know gives off an odor?"
Dayne nodded enthusiastically.
"You sure do ask a lot of questions," Reece observed.
"Who asked you?" Snake demanded.
"Ignore him," Blitz urged. "To summarize, we suggest that you get out of the house more often and stop being such a pessimist. Think, Snake. You should be outside enjoying your life, not waiting until Campbell inevitably needs you on another secret mission and has a SWAT team come pick you up."
"Don't say that, because it's not funny," Snake warned.
"Yeah, it is," Reece said.
Snake threw the remote to his television at Reece. He intentionally missed, but at least it got Reece moving.
"Blitz, he's not learning!" Reece said.
"He's just keeping you in line," Blitz said. "It doesn't count."
"I'm going to go pee on something if you don't apologize!" Reece threatened. "I'll do it!"
Reece wandered over to the couch and lifted his leg, looking at Snake defiantly.
"I dare you," Snake said, cracking his knuckles.
Reece put his leg back down. Blitz quickly intervened before things got too off track.
"Snake, we want to see you live a happy life. I know you do have some things that you are perfectly allowed to be concerned about, but that doesn't mean that you have to let them destroy you. Don't forsake the people you know. If you do happen to get shot at, apprehend your attacker and dump the body in Ocelot's vegetable garden."
Even though they were just dogs, they were right. It was time to stop cutting himself off from the world like a hermit. He had a troubled past, but he could put that behind him. There wasn't really a point in living like he did. Nothing ever changed and life was simply stagnant. The most exciting thing he could remember happening to him recently was successfully making stir fry. That wasn't the way things were supposed to be. He did have people who respected him. Some had even befriended him. Snake realized he didn't let them in because he was too caught up in doing everything by himself. Normally wanting to be independent wasn't such a bad thing, but he had gone to the extreme. He had nothing to show for it, other than a very good recipe for stir fry.
"Okay, Blitz. I'll do what needs to be done," Snake said truthfully. "I guess I'll call Otacon and see what he's up to."
He already knew the answer to that. Otacon was probably busy selling loot from some video game at exuberant prices and hacking into the Pentagon again, but he always had time to entertain company. His home would also have heat, which reminded Snake of how cold it was in his house. Perhaps one of his dogs could help him with that problem.
"By the way, I don't suppose any of you know where the manual to my heater is, do you?" Snake asked.
"Check between your couch cushions," Blitz said.
Snake had done that before, but he looked again. Sure enough, this time the manual was actually there. Battered and heavily worn from frequent use, the tattered book filled with Snake's highlights and page markers felt like some long lost treasure in his hands. He wondered if his dogs were smarter than he was, which was a frightening thought he didn't entertain for more than a second. Snake set the manual on the table next to his alcohol.
"Figures. So are we done here or is there something you forgot to mention?" Snake asked his dogs.
"We're almost finished. You might want to take a look outside," Nikki suggested.
That was an odd request, but Snake got up from his seat and headed for his back door anyway. Once outside, he saw the storm had calmed down a bit. Dog tracks were in the snow and lead to a patch of upturned snow. After some digging, Snake found a large plastic bag containing his M9. Given the nature of the day he was having, it made perfect sense that Nikki had been able to hide this weapon in the manner that she had.
When he went back inside his house, the only dog in the living room was Reece. Everyone else had left.
"Hey, Blitz told me to tell you to. . ." Reece trailed off. "Umm. . ."
"He just spoke to you a second ago, right?" Snake asked.
"Maybe."
"And you can't remember?"
"No, I wasn't listening."
Snake narrowed his eyes at Reece, clearly seeing through the poorly veiled ruse.
"What do you want?" Snake demanded.
"It's more of a need than a want, but could you possibly as a favor maybe shoot me with that M9?"
Snake blinked, which made Reece even more nervous.
"You know how I love downers and everyone said that it'd be a fine way of paying everyone back since we stuck our necks out and spoke with you about stuff and things. I know I didn't say much, but I still love you."
Snake narrowed his eyes at Reece.
"Get back in the garage." He said.
"Sometimes I don't think I can live the life of a sled dog!" Reece blurted out. "I need something to help me because I'm not strong enough to do it on my own. You expect too much work out of me. What if I told you I really wanted to herd sheep instead?"
"I'd say you're full of it."
"This is animal cruelty. You're keeping me from what I really want to do. I'm going to call Animal Planet and tell them what you've done to me."
"Yeah, and the cops are going to look you over and find absolutely nothing wrong with you except that you might be a few pounds overweight. What a tragedy it is that I feed you so well when other dogs have to eat their own waste to survive. Get back in the garage."
Reece whined and then did as he was told. Snake set the weapon down on the table next to his booze. Only it wasn't booze. A carton of orange juice was where his whiskey had just been less than a minute ago. Snake checked the glass and gave it a sniff. Fruit. He smacked his lips and tried to bring back the taste of what he had been drinking. A piece of pulp that had been stuck in his teeth broke free and sailed down his throat. He hadn't been drinking booze.
Snake took a deep breath and wandered back to the hallway that lead to his garage. The door was back on its hinges and there was no evidence that an explosion had occurred. This was too weird. Snake didn't dare to open the door to his garage, but he made certain that the dog door was locked. Not that it would matter, but it made him feel better. His M9 and the manual to his heater were where he had left them. Apparently that much had been real.
He found the local telephone directory and began to search for Otacon. When that failed, he searched for Hal Emmerich, which was what he should have done in the first place. Otacon was unlisted. Snake closed the phone book and saw a sticky note at his feet. He hesitantly leaned forward and picked it up. A typewriter had been used to produce the information on the note, which contained Otacon's phone number and address. It wasn't clear where the note had come from. Snake needed to get out of his house. Immediately.
After he dialed the number, his query was answered on the fourth beep.
"Hello?" Otacon asked.
"Otacon, let me come over to your house," Snake demanded.
"What?"
"I know it's sudden, but I want to hang out. Like right now."
"Are you feeling alright?"
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" Snake lied.
There was no way Snake was going to tell anyone about what had just happened if he could avoid it. Besides, revealing that the only reason he wanted to come chill with Otacon was because his dogs wouldn't leave him alone if he didn't seemed like a rather rude thing to say.
"I'm a bit surprised," Otacon replied.
"It's nothing to get all giddy about. What's going on in the circle of nut jobs we loosely refer to as friends?"
"Actually, there's some stuff happening later tonight. Raiden's hosting Scrabble."
"Are you kidding me?"
"Trust me, it's a hoot. The last time he couldn't even manage to spell 'disappear' correctly, but we let it slide because he was losing anyway and the extra point didn't matter. That doesn't start until eight and Ocelot will probably invite himself again since he always seems to know when two of us get together."
"I love how you can say that like it's nothing."
Otacon chuckled.
"If you came over now, I guess we could watch an anime or play a video game."
Par for the course, but then again it wasn't like they could go out and slay a dragon together.
"I'll be over shortly. Thank you, Otacon."
Snake switched off his phone and placed it back in its cradle. He couldn't deny that it felt nice knowing someone actually wanted to see him. People in general were still stupid, but his friends were his friends. Snake didn't leave right away. There was a few important matters to take care of. First, he raided his medicine cabinet and phoned his pharmacy for a refill on all his meds. He was also running low on fish oil and Vitamin B, which he took for his heart. It wouldn't stop FOXDIE and his smoking habit nullified the supplements, but it made him feel better.
He grabbed his M9 and checked to make sure that it was loaded with darts instead of bullets. One could never be too careful. He put on a holster and carried the gun at his side. Snake dressed appropriately for the weather, which further concealed the weapon. Though the gun was hidden, anyone going after him would already know that he was packing heat. Snake left his home in a rush, eager to get away.
The carton of orange juice was still sitting next to the booze chalice on the table. If Snake had taken the time to check in on his dogs, he would have found them sleeping lazily next to their heater. He would have also discovered that his crate of heavy munitions had not been disturbed. A figure appeared out of nowhere in front of the door to his garage, floating above the carpet. The visitor was dressed in a trench coat and was wearing a gas mask.
"That could not have gone any better," Mantis said to himself.
Before leaving, Psycho Mantis stole a beer from Snake's fridge. He then vanished without another word, leaving Snake's home gripped in an eerie silence.
X
"I figured you were behind this," Otacon said over his cell phone.
"Of course. Keep this between us. Definitely do not tell Campbell. If you tell Campbell, he'll make posters and staple them to every telephone pole in town," Mantis said.
While Otacon was busy trying to figure out why Snake had finally decided to step out of his man cave, Mantis had called him and had explained everything. He was gloating, as usual. Otacon was looking outside his window, hoping Snake would arrive after he'd finished having the current conversation he was engaged in.
"A man like Snake is impossible to break physically. Threaten his sanity, however, and he'll eat out of your hand."
Otacon picked up a notebook and began flipping through it. He had diligently recorded the comrades and enemies who now lived nearby. Snake, Campbell, Naomi, Meryl, Mei Ling, Raiden, and Rose were there on defense. Otacon had arranged them as if they were playing a game of football out of boredom even though he was short a few players. Nastasha was off to the side serving as a cheerleader since she mainly kept in contact with them over Skype and currently resided in Canada.
Ocelot, Psycho Mantis, Vulcan Raven, and Olga occupied offense. Olga was technically on their side, but Otacon had grouped her in with Ocelot anyway. Otacon had a sneaking suspicion that Campbell might actually be in on their plot since he kept placating their concerns. Only time would tell what they were all up to because Otacon certainly couldn't find any incriminating evidence against them.
Vamp was still out there somewhere, but Ocelot had told Otacon to forget about him. That was a little hard for him to do. Ocelot had said the same thing about Olga's child and wouldn't reveal anything further. Otacon put the matter aside for the moment and began writing down what Mantis had done since keeping track of their activity would make it easier to draw conclusions.
"Don't tell Snake anything. It would undo everything I've accomplished today."
Otacon turned to his notes on Mantis, which he had mostly gotten from the man himself. After a near death experience and a few operations to reconstruct his face, Mantis had come to Alaska and opened up a psychiatric institute. At least that's what he preferred to call it. Anyone who asked too many questions about it wound up trying to sell fictitious shows that were on blank VHS tapes to college students until they were brought back to their senses.
Out of all the villains that Ocelot had arrived with, Mantis seemed to be the most reformed and he had been the most vocal opponent of Snake's seclusion.
"Otacon, are you still there?"
"Yes. I won't say anything to anyone."
Otacon saw Snake's jeep pull into his driveway.
"Mantis, he's here."
"Excellent. Don't make any sudden movements around him. I'll call you back tomorrow afternoon to see how things went."
"You won't be joining us for Scrabble? What a shame."
"Bite me. I told you before that I don't use my powers when we're playing games, but none of you seem to listen and all I do is wind up ruining everyone's evening because I'm better than all of you. Have fun handing Raiden his ass at Scrabble, but just remember that doing so is about as easy as beating a walrus at a game of racquetball."
Mantis hung up just as Snake rang Otacon's doorbell.
"Morning," Snake muttered as he was let inside.
"What's up? It's good to see you again."
"Yeah, yeah. Same here."
"I figured I'd show you some Ghost in the Shell : Stand Alone Complex. Some of the combat is iffy, but I think you'll dig the story. It's got a lot to do with conspiracies."
"Nah, forget that. How about we watch something that doesn't remind me of work?"
"How about Ika Musume, then?"
"Squid Daughter? I'll pass. You can watch that sort of thing by yourself."
"No, it's about a little girl who's a squid and – "
"Something else, Otacon."
"How about Spirited Away, then? It's about a little girl that wanders into this alternate dimension of sorts that helps her mature."
That certainly got his attention. Otacon should have suggested that in the first place based on what Snake had been through earlier in the morning.
"Both of those are about little girls?" Snake asked.
"I see you've noticed the pattern," Otacon replied.
"Is the little girl in Spirited Away a squid?"
"Nope."
"Put it on."
Snake sat down in a recliner while Otacon prepared the movie.
"You've got a pretty tidy place for a nerd," Snake said.
Otacon smirked. It was common to believe that hackers like him lived in their own filth, but Otacon felt above those slobs and focused on hip decorations and feng shui. His house was typically used for all the get-togethers among his friends.
"Does it bring back memories?" Otacon asked.
Snake nodded. This was truly a blessing. Otacon felt that they owed something to Mantis. It was good to get to know Snake as a person as opposed to a soldier. Though the Patriots were currently in limbo, they almost certainly would not remain that way forever. All the time spent together within their little group would mean more than anything when they had to start fighting again.