Summary: What happens when you take your favorite fairy tales and add Tokyo
Babylon and X/1999 characters? Pure mayhem!!!
This Chapter: Kamui tells the tale of the time he meets a confused giant. Well, kind of…
Rating: PG-13 for shounen-ai (well, let's just say people get in the sac with the same sex here). Mild swearing, too, but you don't really mind that, do you?
Author's Note: This is madness gone way too far. If this is REALLY stupid to you, it's stupid to me too. I just felt fairy tales needed a face lift.
Fairy Tales Get Messed Up Tokyo Babylon/X Style
Chapter III: Kamui and the Beanstalk
Scene Eight:
After an afternoon, evening, night, and early morning of sweaty, hot, medieval, gay sex, Subaru, Seishiro, and Kamui are all sitting up in the king-size bed with Subaru in the middle. The label on the bed has changed to "Subaru, Seishiro, and Kamui's Bed of Sweaty, Hot, Medieval, Gay Sex". Kamui is snuggled up with Subaru while Seishiro is smoking.
Subaru: (looks overwhelmed) What the hell happened last night?
Kamui: (kisses Subaru's bare neck) Only the best thing that's happened to me since I sold my cow.
Subaru: What?
Kamui: (sighs) I guess I should explain a little about myself.
Seishiro: After what happened last night, I think we know each other quite well.
Kamui: (laughs) Believe me! There's a lot you don't know…
Scene Nine:
Flashback. Kamui is walking along a dirt road dragging a cow with a rope behind him. Actually, it's Kotori in a cow costume. She is mooing and complaining.
Kotori: Kamoooooi?
Kamui: Yes? (not bothering to face her)
Kotori: Why do ymooooo have to sell me?
Kamui: (sighs) We're very poor and we need the money for food.
Kotori: Moo.
They walk for awhile in silence until they come across an old woman.
Kanoe: Hello, boy.
Kamui: (nods) Good morning, old woman.
Kanoe: (angrily) Who you calling old? (clears her throat and smiles) How you like to make a trade for your cow?
Kotori: Moo.
Kamui: How much?
Kanoe: (reaches into her cleavage and brings out three beans) How about these three magical beans?
Kamui: You're crazy. Who would trade this scrawny, ugly, stupid…(pauses) I'll take the beans. (he hands the rope to Kanoe and she hands him the beans)
Kanoe: You won't regret it, my boy. (when Kamui turns and leaves, she says) Now, my little cow, I'll be able to get the sacred sword from you.
Kotori: Moo.
Scene Nine:
Back to the bedroom
Subaru: Hold on. This is starting to sound like Jack and the Beanstalk.
Kamui: So?
Subaru: You can't be two different characters!
Seishiro: Well, Hokuto, you, and I were Hansel and Gretal characters as well as the three bears.
Subaru: Oh, yeah.
Kamui: May I continue?
Scene Ten:
Kamui is outside a medieval cottage planting his beans.
Kamui: I'm outside planting my beans.
He goes inside anxious to see what happens to the beans over night.
Kamui: I'm anxious to see what happens to the beans over night.
The next morning, Kamui wakes up to find the beanstalk has grown high into the sky. Curiously, Kamui decides to climb it to see what's at the top. And wouldn't you know it, there's a giant house there! Nosily, Kamui enters. Okay, it's not as big as he thought it was, just big enough for a tall person. Upon the table sits a golden goose laying golden eggs.
Kamui: Say, golden goose?
Goose: Yes?
Kamui: Can I take you home so you'll make millions of golden eggs for me and make me stinkin' rich so I can buy all the drugs and prostitutes I want and never feed you and probably abuse you?
Goose: (shrugs) Why not?
Just as Kamui's about to grab the goose, he hears foots steps coming from the other room.
Voice: Fee fie fo fum! I smell the blood of an anorexic Japanese schoolboy! (mutters) Must be Kamui.
Kamui: (quickly hides under the table, the tablecloth obstructing any view he would have of the person entering the room)
Voice: Goose, has Kamui been here?
Goose: Naw.
Voice: (sighs) Goose, what have I told you?
Goose: Oh, shoot. (clears its throat) Of course, master, I have seen "Kamui". You're "Kamui" and I'm seeing you now, so yes, I have seen "Kamui".
Kamui: (sits under the table, confused)
"Kamui": But where is the other Kamui?
Goose: I don't know, master. (motions towards under the table)
"Kamui": (lifts tablecloth to reveal Kamui) Kamui!
Kamui: Fuuma!
"Kamui": I'm not Fuuma. Who is Fuuma? I am "Kamui"!
Kamui: Fuuma?
"Kamui": Who's Fuuma?
Kamui: You're Fuuma.
"Kamui": No, I'm "Kamui".
Kamui: I'm Kamui.
"Kamui": Me too.
Kamui: No, Fuuma.
"Kamui": Who's Fuuma?
Kamui: You are.
"Kamui": I'm "Kamui".
Kamui: No, you're Fuuma.
Kamui: (narrating to Seishiro and Subaru) This went on for a few hours, then we finally came to a conclusion…
"Kamui": Okay, so I'm "Kamui" Formerly Known as Fuuma With Quotations Around the "Kamui" Part. But that's too long.
Kamui: Then we'll shorten it. How about just Fuuma?
"Kamui": But I'm…
Kamui: Fuuma it is, then!
Fuuma: Fuuma… Doesn't that mean he/she/you (formal) smokes in Spanish? I don't want to be an ad for cigarettes.
Kamui: No! Fuma with one "u" means he/she/you (formal) smokes in Spanish. You have two "u"s.
Fuuma: Oh. That makes sense.
Scene Eleven:
Back in bed.
Subaru: Not to be rude, but does this story have a point?
Kamui: (laughs) Not really. Fuuma and I made a lot of money off of that goose, then it ran away. We got in a fight, I ran away, he chased after me, I cut down the beanstalk, and he fell down with it. End of story.
Seishiro: (puts out his cigarette) What'd you do after that?
Kamui: I found a nice family to stay with.
Subaru: Why'd you leave them?
Kamui: (shrugs) I guess I was too crowded. But I miss them and would like to go back. Seishiro: (takes out another cigarette) Isn't that sweet.
Subaru: (to Seishiro) Let's take him home!
Kamui: (all starry eyed) You'd do that for me?
Subaru: (smiles and nods kindly) Of course. (thinks) Anything to give me a chance to escape.
This Chapter: Kamui tells the tale of the time he meets a confused giant. Well, kind of…
Rating: PG-13 for shounen-ai (well, let's just say people get in the sac with the same sex here). Mild swearing, too, but you don't really mind that, do you?
Author's Note: This is madness gone way too far. If this is REALLY stupid to you, it's stupid to me too. I just felt fairy tales needed a face lift.
Fairy Tales Get Messed Up Tokyo Babylon/X Style
Chapter III: Kamui and the Beanstalk
Scene Eight:
After an afternoon, evening, night, and early morning of sweaty, hot, medieval, gay sex, Subaru, Seishiro, and Kamui are all sitting up in the king-size bed with Subaru in the middle. The label on the bed has changed to "Subaru, Seishiro, and Kamui's Bed of Sweaty, Hot, Medieval, Gay Sex". Kamui is snuggled up with Subaru while Seishiro is smoking.
Subaru: (looks overwhelmed) What the hell happened last night?
Kamui: (kisses Subaru's bare neck) Only the best thing that's happened to me since I sold my cow.
Subaru: What?
Kamui: (sighs) I guess I should explain a little about myself.
Seishiro: After what happened last night, I think we know each other quite well.
Kamui: (laughs) Believe me! There's a lot you don't know…
Scene Nine:
Flashback. Kamui is walking along a dirt road dragging a cow with a rope behind him. Actually, it's Kotori in a cow costume. She is mooing and complaining.
Kotori: Kamoooooi?
Kamui: Yes? (not bothering to face her)
Kotori: Why do ymooooo have to sell me?
Kamui: (sighs) We're very poor and we need the money for food.
Kotori: Moo.
They walk for awhile in silence until they come across an old woman.
Kanoe: Hello, boy.
Kamui: (nods) Good morning, old woman.
Kanoe: (angrily) Who you calling old? (clears her throat and smiles) How you like to make a trade for your cow?
Kotori: Moo.
Kamui: How much?
Kanoe: (reaches into her cleavage and brings out three beans) How about these three magical beans?
Kamui: You're crazy. Who would trade this scrawny, ugly, stupid…(pauses) I'll take the beans. (he hands the rope to Kanoe and she hands him the beans)
Kanoe: You won't regret it, my boy. (when Kamui turns and leaves, she says) Now, my little cow, I'll be able to get the sacred sword from you.
Kotori: Moo.
Scene Nine:
Back to the bedroom
Subaru: Hold on. This is starting to sound like Jack and the Beanstalk.
Kamui: So?
Subaru: You can't be two different characters!
Seishiro: Well, Hokuto, you, and I were Hansel and Gretal characters as well as the three bears.
Subaru: Oh, yeah.
Kamui: May I continue?
Scene Ten:
Kamui is outside a medieval cottage planting his beans.
Kamui: I'm outside planting my beans.
He goes inside anxious to see what happens to the beans over night.
Kamui: I'm anxious to see what happens to the beans over night.
The next morning, Kamui wakes up to find the beanstalk has grown high into the sky. Curiously, Kamui decides to climb it to see what's at the top. And wouldn't you know it, there's a giant house there! Nosily, Kamui enters. Okay, it's not as big as he thought it was, just big enough for a tall person. Upon the table sits a golden goose laying golden eggs.
Kamui: Say, golden goose?
Goose: Yes?
Kamui: Can I take you home so you'll make millions of golden eggs for me and make me stinkin' rich so I can buy all the drugs and prostitutes I want and never feed you and probably abuse you?
Goose: (shrugs) Why not?
Just as Kamui's about to grab the goose, he hears foots steps coming from the other room.
Voice: Fee fie fo fum! I smell the blood of an anorexic Japanese schoolboy! (mutters) Must be Kamui.
Kamui: (quickly hides under the table, the tablecloth obstructing any view he would have of the person entering the room)
Voice: Goose, has Kamui been here?
Goose: Naw.
Voice: (sighs) Goose, what have I told you?
Goose: Oh, shoot. (clears its throat) Of course, master, I have seen "Kamui". You're "Kamui" and I'm seeing you now, so yes, I have seen "Kamui".
Kamui: (sits under the table, confused)
"Kamui": But where is the other Kamui?
Goose: I don't know, master. (motions towards under the table)
"Kamui": (lifts tablecloth to reveal Kamui) Kamui!
Kamui: Fuuma!
"Kamui": I'm not Fuuma. Who is Fuuma? I am "Kamui"!
Kamui: Fuuma?
"Kamui": Who's Fuuma?
Kamui: You're Fuuma.
"Kamui": No, I'm "Kamui".
Kamui: I'm Kamui.
"Kamui": Me too.
Kamui: No, Fuuma.
"Kamui": Who's Fuuma?
Kamui: You are.
"Kamui": I'm "Kamui".
Kamui: No, you're Fuuma.
Kamui: (narrating to Seishiro and Subaru) This went on for a few hours, then we finally came to a conclusion…
"Kamui": Okay, so I'm "Kamui" Formerly Known as Fuuma With Quotations Around the "Kamui" Part. But that's too long.
Kamui: Then we'll shorten it. How about just Fuuma?
"Kamui": But I'm…
Kamui: Fuuma it is, then!
Fuuma: Fuuma… Doesn't that mean he/she/you (formal) smokes in Spanish? I don't want to be an ad for cigarettes.
Kamui: No! Fuma with one "u" means he/she/you (formal) smokes in Spanish. You have two "u"s.
Fuuma: Oh. That makes sense.
Scene Eleven:
Back in bed.
Subaru: Not to be rude, but does this story have a point?
Kamui: (laughs) Not really. Fuuma and I made a lot of money off of that goose, then it ran away. We got in a fight, I ran away, he chased after me, I cut down the beanstalk, and he fell down with it. End of story.
Seishiro: (puts out his cigarette) What'd you do after that?
Kamui: I found a nice family to stay with.
Subaru: Why'd you leave them?
Kamui: (shrugs) I guess I was too crowded. But I miss them and would like to go back. Seishiro: (takes out another cigarette) Isn't that sweet.
Subaru: (to Seishiro) Let's take him home!
Kamui: (all starry eyed) You'd do that for me?
Subaru: (smiles and nods kindly) Of course. (thinks) Anything to give me a chance to escape.