"Seifer. That's a nice name," he said, struggling now to sit up. "Do you
maybe have some clothes I could wear? It's not cold in here or anything,
but, uh, you got clothes on."
Feeling better than he could remember, he ran a hand through his much cleaner hair. Everything just felt so much better! "And is there any food? I don't think I got any money, but I can draw. Wanna see some?"
Squall shook his head. This was just too weird. But it was happening all the same- that much was certain. He almost wished it was some kind of dream brought on by too much sun. Almost.
"I don't have any clothes..." Wait- there were some lab suits back in the storage closet...Squall opened one of the large red metal lockers lining the wall of the infirmary. There a half dozen lab coats and trousers swung slightly on their metal hangers. Squall grabbed up a pair and brought them over to the bed, laying them down at Seifer's feet.
"That takes care of clothes. As for food- you don't have to pay. But..." He was curious...Seifer was an artist? He hadn't known that. Or was it just something new unlocked by his memory loss?
"You can show me the drawings if you want to..."
He darted into the galley for an apple and brought it back, holding it out in his hand to Seifer.
"Start with something small, if you eat too fast after being healed you'll vomit."
For a moment the apple was all Seifer could see, red, sweet he was sure. With a trembling and he took hold of the apple. He got himself into a sitting position and holding it in both hands, proceeded to devour it. It hit his stomach hard though. He hadn't had solid food in weeks, since he'd been locked away in that cell. His stomach cramped dreadfully, but he ignored it. He was not going to lose that food!
Slowly he reached for the clothes that had been brought for him. The coat was easy, and felt good to put it on, clothes the buttons, felt like some measure of pride coming back. Getting down off the table though was another matter and he got the pants on and slipped off the table carefully. Once he was standing, he pulled them up and tied the cord in a knot not a bow. His hair was a little longer than it had been and he needed a shave as well, but nothing more than a few days growth. "Where is my bag?"
Squall watched with impassive eyes as Seifer dressed himself. What was nudity? Male nudity especially had no particular mystery for him. Clothes were the norm- why bother with what was underneath? Squall shrugged eloquently. How should he know where the bag was? He gave a silent sigh, shaking his head a little.
"I don't know- it's probably around here somewhere..."
He craned his neck to see over the other side of the examination table. Sure enough- there was Seifer's beat-up bag.
"It's on the floor behind you."
Seifer breathed a sigh of relief and quickly walked around to his bag. He squatted down, got it and slung it over his shoulder. Trying to clear his thoughts, he fingered the strap to his bag. The confusion that had been there before was gone now, but in its place was a great big empty place. He knew that he was with Squall, that he loved him and it felt like he had forever. He knew that in his bag were sketch books, and pencils, and a small knife for sharpening his pencils and sometimes shaving.
There were a few general impressions he could gather. Squall wasn't exactly thrilled to have him there. It was awkward and Seifer had no idea why. He didn't even remember getting there or how long he'd been there. He ran a hand through his hair, fingers touching the base of his skull, only to be surprised that it was healed, nothing unusual there. It didn't even itch. This was something Squall had done. The man was a friend then. Seifer smiled, an unguarded and genuine smile that lit up his green eyes. "Thanks," he wasn't sure what all Squall had done, more than food and clothes and healing the back of his head. "I want to do something nice for you now."
Squall covered his face with one hand. He didn't know how to deal with a sweet, appreciative Seifer. This utterly non-threatening Seifer, lacking all his arrogance...how was he supposed to communicate with this person who looked like Seifer but...but wasn't. Yet- the Seifer who he knew had been cruel and hard and blind to everything else except his own advancement in life. Once upon a time that wouldn't have seemed so bad to Squall, but now he had all these emotions locked up inside himself and no where to put them.
"Oh Rinoa..." He whispered. "Why did you have to..."
He had been without the guiding star of his life for a full month now- it was amazing that he had survived that long. It was so hard to think or to do anything any more...nothing seemed to have value. Rinoa had found the key to his heart and opened it wide- and then she had...gone, without teaching him what to do with those feelings. She had been everything to him...
And here was Seifer- his enemy, helpless like some kind of little animal in need of guidance. His puppy-like trust was sickening. He wanted to do something nice for Squall- what could he do to ease the burning, rending pain?
"There's nothing you can do."
Smiling, Seifer took a step forward. All the anger and arrogance, the pain that drove that were gone now, but the determination, stubbornness, and even confidence, those were all deeply a part of who Seifer was. "There has to be something. I just haven't found it yet." He wanted to offer his hand to this important person. He felt like he'd crossed some great void to be here, walked through hell to be here, and it settled into him that he wasn't going to leave, that he was going to see this man happy.
Perhaps Squall was in love with this Rinoa. He didn't where this Rinoa was or if something bad had happened to her, but he'd find out.
Squall turned around quickly, not wanting to face Seifer at such close quarters. Why did he have to get closer? Wasn't the examination table good enough? And he wasn't giving up the idea of doing something for Squall either. But in all the world there was only one thing Squall could wish for...
"You can't bring her back Seifer...even if your somehow still alive- you can't bring her back."
Nothing could bring her back. It wasn't fair, why did Seifer survive- why did any of them survive when Rinoa died?
Squall walked slowly to the entrance of the med lab and leaned heavily against the wall, still keeping his back to Seifer. He probably didn't even remember her, Seifer forgetting Rinoa...it made him sick. Once Squall had vowed never to become just a memory- but to be forgotten...was even worse.
"You don't remember her do you?"
Seifer swallowed. He'd committed some crime and he didn't even know what it was. He sighed and put a hand on the table to make standing a little easier. Can't bring her back? She was dead. Seifer felt a deep sense of dread, hoping he hadn't had anything to do with her dying. What did he remember about magic and dying? This woman's soul would live still, he thought. Maybe he could learn some magic still, maybe he'd had magic at one point, yes that seemed to feel true in his mind. Maybe he could trade himself for this woman, if that would make Squall happy. "I don't remember her, but maybe there is some magic that could make a trade?"
That hurt more to say than he'd expected, but he meant it.
"I wish there was!"
Squall rounded on Seifer, a fist clenched to his chest- right over where the pain was worst.
"I'd trade you for her in a minute- in less than a heartbeat! Why should you live- your just a killer like the rest of us, but your even worse- you didn't even care that you were hurting everyone, if it wasn't for you maybe she wouldn't have...wouldn't have..." His voice broke, Squall found his eyes were starting to burn.
"She might not have died..." He scrubbed the back of a hand across his eyes. He wouldn't cry in front of Seifer- that would be the ultimate humiliation.
"Oh God I wish there was a way..."
Tears filled Seifer's eyes and rolled down his face without the slightest hint of self consciousness. Dark pain and sorrow filled him, covering over all the emptiness of his memory. He was a monster and he had atonement to do. He would find a way to atone for what he'd done. If Squall didn't know of a way to trade him for Rinoa though, the must not be a way to do it. "Kill me for my crimes then! I give you my life, what's left of it. Set me to some task, fight me? I was a fighter, I was your enemy?" That was the answer perhaps, to find a way to bleed that anger away, give Squall a sense of justice. Seifer blinked, hot tears slicking down his face. Maybe if he were to fulfill some justice, it would free him of his anger? He steeled his voice to sound angry, provoking and was surprised at how easy it came, second nature to be aggressive. "Let there be justice!"
Feeling better than he could remember, he ran a hand through his much cleaner hair. Everything just felt so much better! "And is there any food? I don't think I got any money, but I can draw. Wanna see some?"
Squall shook his head. This was just too weird. But it was happening all the same- that much was certain. He almost wished it was some kind of dream brought on by too much sun. Almost.
"I don't have any clothes..." Wait- there were some lab suits back in the storage closet...Squall opened one of the large red metal lockers lining the wall of the infirmary. There a half dozen lab coats and trousers swung slightly on their metal hangers. Squall grabbed up a pair and brought them over to the bed, laying them down at Seifer's feet.
"That takes care of clothes. As for food- you don't have to pay. But..." He was curious...Seifer was an artist? He hadn't known that. Or was it just something new unlocked by his memory loss?
"You can show me the drawings if you want to..."
He darted into the galley for an apple and brought it back, holding it out in his hand to Seifer.
"Start with something small, if you eat too fast after being healed you'll vomit."
For a moment the apple was all Seifer could see, red, sweet he was sure. With a trembling and he took hold of the apple. He got himself into a sitting position and holding it in both hands, proceeded to devour it. It hit his stomach hard though. He hadn't had solid food in weeks, since he'd been locked away in that cell. His stomach cramped dreadfully, but he ignored it. He was not going to lose that food!
Slowly he reached for the clothes that had been brought for him. The coat was easy, and felt good to put it on, clothes the buttons, felt like some measure of pride coming back. Getting down off the table though was another matter and he got the pants on and slipped off the table carefully. Once he was standing, he pulled them up and tied the cord in a knot not a bow. His hair was a little longer than it had been and he needed a shave as well, but nothing more than a few days growth. "Where is my bag?"
Squall watched with impassive eyes as Seifer dressed himself. What was nudity? Male nudity especially had no particular mystery for him. Clothes were the norm- why bother with what was underneath? Squall shrugged eloquently. How should he know where the bag was? He gave a silent sigh, shaking his head a little.
"I don't know- it's probably around here somewhere..."
He craned his neck to see over the other side of the examination table. Sure enough- there was Seifer's beat-up bag.
"It's on the floor behind you."
Seifer breathed a sigh of relief and quickly walked around to his bag. He squatted down, got it and slung it over his shoulder. Trying to clear his thoughts, he fingered the strap to his bag. The confusion that had been there before was gone now, but in its place was a great big empty place. He knew that he was with Squall, that he loved him and it felt like he had forever. He knew that in his bag were sketch books, and pencils, and a small knife for sharpening his pencils and sometimes shaving.
There were a few general impressions he could gather. Squall wasn't exactly thrilled to have him there. It was awkward and Seifer had no idea why. He didn't even remember getting there or how long he'd been there. He ran a hand through his hair, fingers touching the base of his skull, only to be surprised that it was healed, nothing unusual there. It didn't even itch. This was something Squall had done. The man was a friend then. Seifer smiled, an unguarded and genuine smile that lit up his green eyes. "Thanks," he wasn't sure what all Squall had done, more than food and clothes and healing the back of his head. "I want to do something nice for you now."
Squall covered his face with one hand. He didn't know how to deal with a sweet, appreciative Seifer. This utterly non-threatening Seifer, lacking all his arrogance...how was he supposed to communicate with this person who looked like Seifer but...but wasn't. Yet- the Seifer who he knew had been cruel and hard and blind to everything else except his own advancement in life. Once upon a time that wouldn't have seemed so bad to Squall, but now he had all these emotions locked up inside himself and no where to put them.
"Oh Rinoa..." He whispered. "Why did you have to..."
He had been without the guiding star of his life for a full month now- it was amazing that he had survived that long. It was so hard to think or to do anything any more...nothing seemed to have value. Rinoa had found the key to his heart and opened it wide- and then she had...gone, without teaching him what to do with those feelings. She had been everything to him...
And here was Seifer- his enemy, helpless like some kind of little animal in need of guidance. His puppy-like trust was sickening. He wanted to do something nice for Squall- what could he do to ease the burning, rending pain?
"There's nothing you can do."
Smiling, Seifer took a step forward. All the anger and arrogance, the pain that drove that were gone now, but the determination, stubbornness, and even confidence, those were all deeply a part of who Seifer was. "There has to be something. I just haven't found it yet." He wanted to offer his hand to this important person. He felt like he'd crossed some great void to be here, walked through hell to be here, and it settled into him that he wasn't going to leave, that he was going to see this man happy.
Perhaps Squall was in love with this Rinoa. He didn't where this Rinoa was or if something bad had happened to her, but he'd find out.
Squall turned around quickly, not wanting to face Seifer at such close quarters. Why did he have to get closer? Wasn't the examination table good enough? And he wasn't giving up the idea of doing something for Squall either. But in all the world there was only one thing Squall could wish for...
"You can't bring her back Seifer...even if your somehow still alive- you can't bring her back."
Nothing could bring her back. It wasn't fair, why did Seifer survive- why did any of them survive when Rinoa died?
Squall walked slowly to the entrance of the med lab and leaned heavily against the wall, still keeping his back to Seifer. He probably didn't even remember her, Seifer forgetting Rinoa...it made him sick. Once Squall had vowed never to become just a memory- but to be forgotten...was even worse.
"You don't remember her do you?"
Seifer swallowed. He'd committed some crime and he didn't even know what it was. He sighed and put a hand on the table to make standing a little easier. Can't bring her back? She was dead. Seifer felt a deep sense of dread, hoping he hadn't had anything to do with her dying. What did he remember about magic and dying? This woman's soul would live still, he thought. Maybe he could learn some magic still, maybe he'd had magic at one point, yes that seemed to feel true in his mind. Maybe he could trade himself for this woman, if that would make Squall happy. "I don't remember her, but maybe there is some magic that could make a trade?"
That hurt more to say than he'd expected, but he meant it.
"I wish there was!"
Squall rounded on Seifer, a fist clenched to his chest- right over where the pain was worst.
"I'd trade you for her in a minute- in less than a heartbeat! Why should you live- your just a killer like the rest of us, but your even worse- you didn't even care that you were hurting everyone, if it wasn't for you maybe she wouldn't have...wouldn't have..." His voice broke, Squall found his eyes were starting to burn.
"She might not have died..." He scrubbed the back of a hand across his eyes. He wouldn't cry in front of Seifer- that would be the ultimate humiliation.
"Oh God I wish there was a way..."
Tears filled Seifer's eyes and rolled down his face without the slightest hint of self consciousness. Dark pain and sorrow filled him, covering over all the emptiness of his memory. He was a monster and he had atonement to do. He would find a way to atone for what he'd done. If Squall didn't know of a way to trade him for Rinoa though, the must not be a way to do it. "Kill me for my crimes then! I give you my life, what's left of it. Set me to some task, fight me? I was a fighter, I was your enemy?" That was the answer perhaps, to find a way to bleed that anger away, give Squall a sense of justice. Seifer blinked, hot tears slicking down his face. Maybe if he were to fulfill some justice, it would free him of his anger? He steeled his voice to sound angry, provoking and was surprised at how easy it came, second nature to be aggressive. "Let there be justice!"