Distracted by a sudden breeze blew across his bare toes. They'd gotten
dirty, or they'd been dirty before he walked across the ground from the
ship. A smile slowly spread across his face as he began to wiggle his toes.
Long toes, with toe nails that needed clipping and an odd little scar in
the shape of a heart on his right foot, just above the little toe. He
reached down and touched it, slide a finger between his big tow and the
others, just enjoying the sensation. "I'm alive," he whispered.
And other people weren't. And that was probably his fault, at least some of them. He took a deep breath, sucking air into his body, feeling as if life were coming back to life.
Okay, so Squall was probably right. Whatever quirk of the universe that left him alive and other's not, if there was mechanism that made those choices, he didn't remember what it was. Whatever he'd done, it might be really bad, or it might just seem bad to this wild haired guy that meant so much to him. The guy had issues.
Yawning, Seifer got up from the bed and scratched his head, throwing blond hair around. There was enough guilt and misery in the room, he decided and he didn't feel like contributing anymore at the moment.
This place needed cleaning, needed to look like it had at one time. The memory of that hovered just out side his thoughts, like a word on the tip of your tongue and completely out of reach at the moment. Maybe, he though, if he could clean some things up, put some things right, his memories would start to come back. Squall didn't seem of a mind to want to answer a lot of questions, so Seifer decided he'd just look around on his own.
He refused to believe that the exhaustion he felt had always been with him. Walking slowly, now aware of the rough ground on his bare feet, he started to explore the place.
Squall felt a deep weariness in his bones. Seifer had some strange ideas alright, but what did they matter? He wasn't a threat- so it seemed- but his presence brought with it many bad memories. Torment and desperate flight, battle and pain, and death...so much death. Seifer had always been at the heart of things, beside the Sorceress, laughing- so happy to see the destruction and ruin caused by his Mistress. And yet, Squall found that his heart was not hard when he thought of Seifer, just...sore in some strange sense, like a deep bruise in his chest. Seifer had had potential and he had wasted it, and so much suffering had come from that.
Squall hadn't questioned Seifer's actions at first, it had just been Them and Us before it became Good and Bad...things had been so much simpler.
But had they been better? No, Rinoa knew, there was such a thing as right and wrong...
Squall didn't pay attention to Seifer's amblings, let him do what he
would so long as he gave Squall some peace for a little while.
After a couple hours of slowly wandering around the house, small hard to catch butterfly memories flitting by him, Seifer wandered out onto the stairs in the back. It was so silent around here, just the sound of the waves, and if he listened very hard, Squall's breathing. It was peaceful, nice. He turned and looked back through the house. For the only day he could remember, it wasn't a half bad day.
Slower now, his body sore, he took a few small steps down the stairs. He could still see the sunset as he sat down and leaned his head against the stone wall. Maybe he'd just close his eyes for a couple moments. It had been an intense day. He'd found the one with gray eyes. Maybe he'd be able to sleep peacefully. Maybe.
It seemed that even though Seifer was physically gone, Squall wouldn't be allowed any rest. Into his mind came strange, disturbing images accompanied by a feeling of deep unease. Seifer- still weak and careless- stumbling on the broad stone stairs and cracking his head. Seifer trying to swim and drowning himself by accident, Seifer alone and helpless, ambushed by brave monsters ravening along the beach.
Nonsense. Squall rubbed his eyes, it was all nonsense. Seifer would be fine- and why should it matter?
Well it did, regardless of shoulds or should nots. Maybe it was the specter of Rinoa, pointing an admonishing finger at him for his deliberate attempt and being cold. Rinoa had seen something in Seifer, had cared for him.
With a resigned groan Squall trudged over to the corner of the room where he had left his gunblade, and buckled the weapon onto his hip. One couldn't be too careful in this world...
The thought came with a laugh, bitterly ironic. He chuckled darkly to himself as he made his way down the stairs, all the power and caution that was in him hadn't kept the most important person in the world safe.
There was Seifer, taking his ease, head resting on the gray rocks. Or...Squall remembered the strange vision of Seifer falling and hitting his head. He bent low over the young man, and put a hand on his shoulder.
"You awake?" He asked softly.
Seifer woke, eyes snapping open, body cringing, magically healed bruises aching anyway. Gray eyes. Remember, he commanded himself. Those eyes. Squall. Safe. "Yes, yes, I'm awake."
The wounds of his body were healed, but not the exhaustion, the malnutrition. Shakily, he got to his feet. Over the wide expanse of ocean.. oranges and yellows, reds made up the sunset. Seifer reached around for his bag, but realized he'd left it up stairs, so he couldn't draw the sunset. "I don't have the colors for it anyway. Isn't it beautiful, Squall? The sunset. Are they always like that? Like they could turn the water into all those melted colors?"
Squall let his hand fall back down to his side. So- Seifer was fine. It had just been a stupid impulse and now he would have to talk to the guy. He looked out at the sunset and couldn't help but recognize it as beautiful. He didn't want to- he wanted to say that all he saw was drab colors, or just blurs of light- but he saw a gorgeous, vibrant sunset. Without a word to Seifer he started down the steps towards the beach. The light from the fading sun turned the waters incandescent, and the sand licked at his shoes, blown about by the warm evening air. It was vespers, the moon would soon rise. Squall set his gunblade against the bottom of the stone stairs- Seifer was no threat, and if he tried to become one...
He quashed that thought, it was beneath him...utterly beneath the shreds of dignity he had left. He had saved Seifer, succored him back to health- there was nothing to be gained by nurturing hatred...
Those were her words....
He saw her eyes on the water, dancing amid the rainbow lights of the setting sun.
Seifer followed, watching, taking every detail in as if it were the first time he'd ever seen Squall walk, or the fading sunlight bring out the reds and golds in his hair. And there was that lost look in his eyes like he was some kind of ghost, or saw some kind of ghost. The woman he'd talked about, Seifer guessed. He couldn't remember her name. He wondered if she'd be angry at him too. He couldn't remember, but it seemed like a very lot of people were angry at him.
This place though, and being with Squall here in this place.. it made him feel like there was a world, was a Seifer beyond the black nothingness. The sand squished between his toes and after he'd caught up with Squall, he took a couple minutes, just watching it, moving it around. In the back of his mind, so distant that he could only hear the echoes... like voices passed by and carried away in the winds of time.. but there were small voices, young.. him and Squall maybe with the sound of the water behind them. "We were here before. I was a child here." And I must sound like a fucking idiot, he thought to himself.
Though, why he cared, he didn't know. He'd found Gray Eyes, and he'd didn't feel like he was going to lose him any time soon, but... there was something else he wanted to tell him. He didn't think Squall believed him about loving him and that bugged him too. Thoughtful, Seifer squatted down and dug up a handful of wet sand. His hands knew the motions, the patting, adding, smoothing, even if his mind didn't. Quickly a small sand castle was started and he looked up at Squall with a small smile. His smile faded though. Squall was so sad, and somehow.. he just knew it was because of him.
Squall stared at the sand castle, his mind gone blank. For a brief while it seemed that his thoughts would not haunt him, so long as he did not try to move, try to speak or act- he could just stand, gazing with eyes half- focused as Seifer went about the motions of raising a sandy fortress.
It was such a stupid thing to do. Some part of him condemned Seifer for his childish behavior...another part of him urged him to bend down towards the dark beach and help...
And other people weren't. And that was probably his fault, at least some of them. He took a deep breath, sucking air into his body, feeling as if life were coming back to life.
Okay, so Squall was probably right. Whatever quirk of the universe that left him alive and other's not, if there was mechanism that made those choices, he didn't remember what it was. Whatever he'd done, it might be really bad, or it might just seem bad to this wild haired guy that meant so much to him. The guy had issues.
Yawning, Seifer got up from the bed and scratched his head, throwing blond hair around. There was enough guilt and misery in the room, he decided and he didn't feel like contributing anymore at the moment.
This place needed cleaning, needed to look like it had at one time. The memory of that hovered just out side his thoughts, like a word on the tip of your tongue and completely out of reach at the moment. Maybe, he though, if he could clean some things up, put some things right, his memories would start to come back. Squall didn't seem of a mind to want to answer a lot of questions, so Seifer decided he'd just look around on his own.
He refused to believe that the exhaustion he felt had always been with him. Walking slowly, now aware of the rough ground on his bare feet, he started to explore the place.
Squall felt a deep weariness in his bones. Seifer had some strange ideas alright, but what did they matter? He wasn't a threat- so it seemed- but his presence brought with it many bad memories. Torment and desperate flight, battle and pain, and death...so much death. Seifer had always been at the heart of things, beside the Sorceress, laughing- so happy to see the destruction and ruin caused by his Mistress. And yet, Squall found that his heart was not hard when he thought of Seifer, just...sore in some strange sense, like a deep bruise in his chest. Seifer had had potential and he had wasted it, and so much suffering had come from that.
Squall hadn't questioned Seifer's actions at first, it had just been Them and Us before it became Good and Bad...things had been so much simpler.
But had they been better? No, Rinoa knew, there was such a thing as right and wrong...
Squall didn't pay attention to Seifer's amblings, let him do what he
would so long as he gave Squall some peace for a little while.
After a couple hours of slowly wandering around the house, small hard to catch butterfly memories flitting by him, Seifer wandered out onto the stairs in the back. It was so silent around here, just the sound of the waves, and if he listened very hard, Squall's breathing. It was peaceful, nice. He turned and looked back through the house. For the only day he could remember, it wasn't a half bad day.
Slower now, his body sore, he took a few small steps down the stairs. He could still see the sunset as he sat down and leaned his head against the stone wall. Maybe he'd just close his eyes for a couple moments. It had been an intense day. He'd found the one with gray eyes. Maybe he'd be able to sleep peacefully. Maybe.
It seemed that even though Seifer was physically gone, Squall wouldn't be allowed any rest. Into his mind came strange, disturbing images accompanied by a feeling of deep unease. Seifer- still weak and careless- stumbling on the broad stone stairs and cracking his head. Seifer trying to swim and drowning himself by accident, Seifer alone and helpless, ambushed by brave monsters ravening along the beach.
Nonsense. Squall rubbed his eyes, it was all nonsense. Seifer would be fine- and why should it matter?
Well it did, regardless of shoulds or should nots. Maybe it was the specter of Rinoa, pointing an admonishing finger at him for his deliberate attempt and being cold. Rinoa had seen something in Seifer, had cared for him.
With a resigned groan Squall trudged over to the corner of the room where he had left his gunblade, and buckled the weapon onto his hip. One couldn't be too careful in this world...
The thought came with a laugh, bitterly ironic. He chuckled darkly to himself as he made his way down the stairs, all the power and caution that was in him hadn't kept the most important person in the world safe.
There was Seifer, taking his ease, head resting on the gray rocks. Or...Squall remembered the strange vision of Seifer falling and hitting his head. He bent low over the young man, and put a hand on his shoulder.
"You awake?" He asked softly.
Seifer woke, eyes snapping open, body cringing, magically healed bruises aching anyway. Gray eyes. Remember, he commanded himself. Those eyes. Squall. Safe. "Yes, yes, I'm awake."
The wounds of his body were healed, but not the exhaustion, the malnutrition. Shakily, he got to his feet. Over the wide expanse of ocean.. oranges and yellows, reds made up the sunset. Seifer reached around for his bag, but realized he'd left it up stairs, so he couldn't draw the sunset. "I don't have the colors for it anyway. Isn't it beautiful, Squall? The sunset. Are they always like that? Like they could turn the water into all those melted colors?"
Squall let his hand fall back down to his side. So- Seifer was fine. It had just been a stupid impulse and now he would have to talk to the guy. He looked out at the sunset and couldn't help but recognize it as beautiful. He didn't want to- he wanted to say that all he saw was drab colors, or just blurs of light- but he saw a gorgeous, vibrant sunset. Without a word to Seifer he started down the steps towards the beach. The light from the fading sun turned the waters incandescent, and the sand licked at his shoes, blown about by the warm evening air. It was vespers, the moon would soon rise. Squall set his gunblade against the bottom of the stone stairs- Seifer was no threat, and if he tried to become one...
He quashed that thought, it was beneath him...utterly beneath the shreds of dignity he had left. He had saved Seifer, succored him back to health- there was nothing to be gained by nurturing hatred...
Those were her words....
He saw her eyes on the water, dancing amid the rainbow lights of the setting sun.
Seifer followed, watching, taking every detail in as if it were the first time he'd ever seen Squall walk, or the fading sunlight bring out the reds and golds in his hair. And there was that lost look in his eyes like he was some kind of ghost, or saw some kind of ghost. The woman he'd talked about, Seifer guessed. He couldn't remember her name. He wondered if she'd be angry at him too. He couldn't remember, but it seemed like a very lot of people were angry at him.
This place though, and being with Squall here in this place.. it made him feel like there was a world, was a Seifer beyond the black nothingness. The sand squished between his toes and after he'd caught up with Squall, he took a couple minutes, just watching it, moving it around. In the back of his mind, so distant that he could only hear the echoes... like voices passed by and carried away in the winds of time.. but there were small voices, young.. him and Squall maybe with the sound of the water behind them. "We were here before. I was a child here." And I must sound like a fucking idiot, he thought to himself.
Though, why he cared, he didn't know. He'd found Gray Eyes, and he'd didn't feel like he was going to lose him any time soon, but... there was something else he wanted to tell him. He didn't think Squall believed him about loving him and that bugged him too. Thoughtful, Seifer squatted down and dug up a handful of wet sand. His hands knew the motions, the patting, adding, smoothing, even if his mind didn't. Quickly a small sand castle was started and he looked up at Squall with a small smile. His smile faded though. Squall was so sad, and somehow.. he just knew it was because of him.
Squall stared at the sand castle, his mind gone blank. For a brief while it seemed that his thoughts would not haunt him, so long as he did not try to move, try to speak or act- he could just stand, gazing with eyes half- focused as Seifer went about the motions of raising a sandy fortress.
It was such a stupid thing to do. Some part of him condemned Seifer for his childish behavior...another part of him urged him to bend down towards the dark beach and help...