Disclaimer: The usual legal stuff applies. Tom Paris and the rest
of the Voyager's crew belong to Paramount. But, the people of
Port-Ayalexis (all this little universe) is ours. This story is 4/5
of the In the Dark saga.
SYNOPSIS: Chakotay goes back into Tom's reality in order to
convince him to come home. This time, with some additional help.
In The Dark, part 4: It Happened One Night.
by Synbou.
Synbou@hotmail.com
Captain Kathryn Janeway jumped, startled at the sound of another
alarm. She instinctively looked at Tom Paris's readings before
realizing that the sound hadn't come from beside her, but from
behind her. Her gaze crossed B'Elanna's own look of desperation
before she turned to Commander Chakotay's bedside, ready to give
The Doctor some assistance. With a quick nod, the EMH left Paris
under Ensign Wildman's supervision, then joined the Captain.
The tension in Sickbay had risen in a matter of seconds. First,
Tom's blood pressured had dropped for the umpteen time today. Now,
Chakotay's vitals were getting life threatening as well. His pulse
was awfully fast, his breathing quick and shallow, as thought he
was running a marathon. She bit her lower lip as the fear of losing
either man, or even worse both of them, crossed her mind. The
Doctor applied a hypospray on Chakotay's neck and the Commander
literally bolted upright. Janeway stepped backward in surprise
while B'Elanna almost cried out-loud.
"Commander! Are you all right?" The Doctor asked concerned.
Chakotay blinked several times. His confusion was obvious on his
tattooed face. Janeway could have sworn she saw a haunted look in
his dark eyes. Quickly regaining her control, she approached her
First Officer.
"Chakotay." It took him a moment to register her voice and look at
her. His eyes seemed clearer, but he was wearing the same
expression. "You're back on Voyager."
"What... what happened?" he managed between two harsh breaths.
"Your vitals were erratic. They were starting to be life
threatening, so I revived you," explained The Doctor. "Thee is
enough of Lieutenant Paris's critical-"
"Tom!" he interrupted. "Is he...?" He didn't dare finish his
sentence as his eyes searched for the pilot. He found him laying on
the main biobed, unconscious, but still alive. *Thank you Spirits,*
he sighed as he got to his feet.
He looked at Janeway, grateful for the support she was giving him.
He came closer to Tom and rested a hand on the young man's
shoulder. Tom's condition hadn't changed. He tried to hide his
disappointment at seeing him again, in his sleeping state.
"Chakotay," B'Elanna began barely above a whisper. Her voice was
a ghost of its usual strength and self-confidence. "Have you been
able to make another connection with Tom?"
"I have. You shouldn't have-" He was about to continue, but changed
his mind in resignation.
What was done, was done.
Chakotay's eyes dropped on his friend's silent features again. He
allowed himself an other sigh, before turning back them.
"Tom isn't in the Winter Garden any more. It seems like he's
reliving a part of his life, or a fantasy. I just don't know him
well enough to know where the line is drawn. Except for what I saw
back in the Maquis, what I know from his reputation and his record.
Tom has kept his past mostly to himself. I learned things about
him, I would never had imagine. The setting prevented me from
confronting him and telling him that he is in coma before it was
too late." The Commander paused and looked at all of them. "He's
dying and if we ever want to convince him that he has to wake up
and come back to us, I need to know more about him. I need to know
who he *really* is."
Janeway kept staring at him while he was speaking. She heard every
word, understood their importance, felt there urgency, but somehow
she didn't grasp their whole meaning.
She knew too well that there were more to Thomas Eugene Paris than
met the eye. She also knew that there were some damn good reasons
for him to keep not only his past, but also his true self hidden
under a tainted career, and a strong, cocky, arrogant persona.
However, Tom's past mistakes were now buried under dozens of
commendations, and the persona had started to slip and vanish. Tom
had found his place on Voyager. The need to constantly protect
himself had lessened over the years. The crew was now relying on a
dedicated officer and a caring friend. Someone who was slowly
letting himself be unwrapped by the power of friendship and love.
They had learned a lot about him recently, but still so little.
Would it be enough to help Chakotay bring him back.
"Commander, we haven't discussed the possibility for you to go
back, yet," the Doctor told him.
"I have to. He needs my help. Tom is not only sick, here, he's sick
in *his* reality, too. What's happening to him here, seems to
translate itself by a relapse of his cancer over there, in his
mind."
"His cancer?..." echoed B'Elanna, understanding the implications.
An uneasy silence fell between them.
"If you feel you can discuss what you learned about Tom with us,
surely we can find something that can help you, help him," Janeway
finally conceded.
"Like I said, I need to know more about him before I try to reach
him once more."
"Why don't we go to my office?" suggested The Doctor.
Once in the privacy of the CMO's office, Chakotay started to relate
his encounter with Tom in the market. He concentrated on every
detail that he could remember: the season; the way Tom greeted him,
treating him like a friend he had not seen for a long time; his
shopping, his interactions with the merchants, and how everyone
knew him and were aware of his tastes.
"I asked him if he was still working for Starfleet. Tom answered
that he did but more as a . . . consultant. He was working with
Admiral Audrey Larsen, for the Missing Person Department. He
actually refereed to her by her fist name."
"Admiral Audrey Larsen suggested Tom to me for the mission,"
Janeway said with some reserved. This conversation was taking a
turn that was starting to worry her.
"That would make sense if he was working with her; even more if it
was for the Missing Person Department. My ship was missing," the
former Maquis Captain pointed out. "I learned later on that he was
really working for the Silver-Seas Foundation whom was
collaborating with Starfleet."
"The Silver-Seas Foundation?" asked The Doctor.
"It's a civilian, non-political organization that provides
humanitarian aid to people in need."
"Didn't the Foundation make a name for itself when it brought aid
to the people of the DMZ without Starfleet's consent?" B'Elanna
inquired.
"Yes, it did. Although, it's been around for more than 15 years,
since the Irsian/Kimirian War," Chakotay responded. "Tom talked a
lot about the War. I had the impression that he had been there."
"He has been there," B'Elanna confirmed. "He has some family in
Kimira. If he was working for the Foundation, could it explain why
he was in the DMZ when you met him?" she asked.
"I don't know, B'Elanna. Maybe, assuming all this is true,"
Chakotay consented. "But, he did end-up in prison. Then again,
Starfleet wasn't pleased with the presence of the Foundation in the
DMZ. Tom said that he's known Larsen for many years, maybe she's
a friend of his father's. Maybe she jumped on the first occasion to
sent him free."
"Don't mix Tom's father into this," Janeway warned. "Admiral Paris
didn't do anything to help his son. That something I know for
sure."
Janeway paused weighing the implications of her next words.
"Admiral Larsen is Tom's aunt: Audrey Breana Paris Larsen," she
revealed. "Like I said, Larsen suggested Tom for the mission, but
Admiral Netchev actually ordered me to talk to him. A fact that
both Tom and I wasn't pleased with. Tom doesn't use a friendly tone
when he speaks about the Admiral. He said that on the few occasions
he met her, he never liked what she had to offer." She took a
breath and changed the subject. "Still, I wouldn't be surprised if
Tom was or is working for the Foundation considering that he
studied in Port-Ayalexis."
Chakotay shrugged as everyone stayed silent, still recovering from
what Janeway had just told them.
I'm still wondering how he managed to do everything," he said after
a while. "Tom said that he had done his doctorate in Astrophysics
at Yanka University in Port-Ayalexis. That surprised me. But, when
he said that he had started a *doctorate* in criminology: that
really threw me."
"Two doctorates?" voiced the EMH.
"Criminology?" asked B'Elanna.
Janeway smiled sadly. "Tom handed in his dissertation in
criminology before he joined Voyager," she said, taking everyone
aback.
"So, what your telling us is that Mr. Paris is a criminologist?"
the EMH warranted.
"He might be," Janeway answered. "Voyager ended up in the Delta
Quadrant before he received the results." She smiled sadly again,
knowing the time and the effort Tom must have put into it, and
remembering her own dedication back at the Academy. "I read his
paper. It was quite impressive."
"What is it about?" asked The Doctor.
"Different profiles of kidnappers."
"Which must be rather useful for the Missing Person Department,"
Chakotay granted. "You didn't know that when he first came onboard,
did you?"
"No, Tuvok brought it up to me when we considered sending Tom
undercover. Tom and I had a few talks about his studies. He said
that the work of his Aunt Audrey always fascinated him and that it
motivated him to study in criminology. I know that he was on Kimira
when he had the first relapse of his cancer. That's where he
underwent the decytologenesis treatment."
She paused for a sigh. They had learned a few months earlier, when
Tom's cancer had relapsed, how devastating cancer could be and how
difficult it was to treat.
"Tom is always careful of what he confesses about himself," she
went on. "Tuvok, on his part, told me that he had found intriguing
facts concerning Tom, but since it was not a matter of ship
security that he didn't see the point of disclosing them at that
time."
"Sounds like the Tuvok I know," grinned Chakotay. "One of those
facts might just be coming and it's the most important thing of
all. We were talking with the butcher, I don't remember his name.
He mentioned Loreena and the children."
"Solenn and Sayana?" asked B'Elanna.
"You know about them?" came Chakotay's replied unable to hide the
surprise in his voice.
Janeway's caught herself with her mouth open. Tom definitely hadn't
shared that part of his life with her. The Doctor remained
uncharacteristically quiet while B'Elanna explained:
"When Tom had his last brush with cancer, he told me. He had
already turned to Samantha to talk about them. They've been friends
for a long time, and being the only one with a child onboard, it
was easier for him."
"Were Tom and Loreena really married?"
"Married?!" echoed the Captain.
"Yes, they were for 6 or 7 years. The only thing I know is that she
died tragically. Tom never talks about how it happened. It is a
very difficult subject for him. When it comes to the children, he
says that he knows that people who love them are looking after
them. From what I understood, Tom gave up Solenn's custody to
Adrian, Sayana's father, after Loreena's death. He said that it was
the best thing to do under the circumstances whatever they were,
and that it would prevent the Paris family from separating the
girls. But, it was hard on him. He says that Naomi helps him a
lot." She told them more softly, "He must I've been a great
father."
"He *is* a great father," Chakotay whispered. "If what I saw is
anything like whatever actually happened, losing Loreena must have
been devastating, and the children..."
"If it can comfort you," said The Doctor. "You'll be happy to know
that I gave Tom a message from them when I came back from the
Alpha-Quadrant, given to me by Admiral Larsen. Tom received an
other message from them by the array. It had been sent directly to
me, hidden through some medical files."
"Why, was it sent to you and not Tom?" asked Janeway.
"There are apparently security reasons to it," The Doctor replied.
"From what I understood, Tom and his family were in some danger
before he joined Voyager, and he had to constantly look over his
shoulder."
"That would explain a lot about his behavior," voiced Chakotay
wondering, like everyone else, what the danger might have been;
what had happened to Loreena; and who was taking care of the
children. "I feel like I'm walking on eggshells here," he admitted.
"Obviously, Tom being married, and having children weren't meant to
be common knowledge, and people back home seem to be very careful.
I would hate to put the safety of the girls in jeopardy. Who knows
when we are going to get home."
"I agree with you, Chakotay," Janeway said. "We'll have to be
careful. Who's Loreena?"
Chakotay allowed himself a small grin, that he shared with
B'Elanna.
"Ricky, Tom's favorite holo-character, that seemed to have
disappeared since Tom and I are a couple. He still runs her program
from time to time. She has been a very important part of his life,
and he misses her."
"He made a holo-character of his late-wife," Janeway stated keeping
her tone neutral, but still feeling surprised.
"Actually," replied B'Elanna. "Ricky is the character of a play
they did while they were taking acting classes together. Megan told
me one evening that he was hanging with a holo-character and
flirting with too many women at the same time, in order to keep
everyone away. She even agreed to pretend going out with him for
the sake of rumors. Although, he never gave her the real reason
why."
"I can hardly believe that," commented The Doctor. "He was quite
attracted to Kes."
"Kes was an other matter. Tom is the first one to tell you that he
didn't handle that situation very well, but he would had never
stepped between her and Neelix. At the time, he needed a friend
other than Harry. A woman. Kes was kind to him, he misread the
signals, and got himself in more trouble than intended. I don't
think-"
An alarm went off, cutting the discussion short. The Doctor was out
of his office in two steps, followed closely by the three other
officers. The Captain explained to the commander that Tom's blood
pressure kept dropping dramatically. A few minutes later, visibly
satisfied, the physician walked to them.
"Whatever you do, Commander, I suggest you do it soon," The Doctor
told him. "Tom's condition is deteriorating. He's extremely weak.
I keep building back his stamina, but it's running thin. He can
breath on his own, but I keep him on minimum respiratory support to
lessen his effort. As you put it earlier, B'Elanna, time is running
out."
"Well," began Chakotay. "I could go back right now. The problem is,
I'm not getting through to him. He sees me as a good friend, but
nothing more. He made it clear that I don't outrank him anymore.
Each time I tried to bring up the subject, something happened. It
got very frustrating. He has all those defense mechanisms in place.
He sigh, the time to look at Janeway.
"I was hoping on you, Captain. Maybe... You should come with me.
You entered the Spirit Plane many times before. Tom always looked
up to you, much more than he did me. As far as he knows, you
disappeared awhile back. Actually, your picture, along with the
ones of the other members of the crew, serves as his office's
wallpaper. For him, Voyager is only a bedtime story he tells his
children at night."
Janeway eyes flew on Tom's still form again. His skin was an
unhealthy shade of white. She missed him. He had become a good
friend over the years. She had seen her protge blossom in such a
dedicated officer. She hated the simple thought of doing the rest
of the trip home without him. Tom had too much to live for. The
Doctor had made it quite clear that they were losing him. The fears
she had felt for him, as she had left him in her ready room the
week before, and when the anomaly had caused his condition to
change yesterday, were tormenting her even more deeply. But this
time, Chakotay was offering her a way to help Tom. To help her
friend.
So, she contacted Tuvok, briefed him on the situation, and turned
Voyager over to him during her absence.
"I still have so many questions, and things to tell you," Chakotay
told them. "B'Elanna, is Tom a light sleeper? Because, he doesn't
seem to sleep. If he does, it's very little. Everyone keeps telling
him to rest and get some sleep. I was wondering if it was normal
for him or if it was due to his condition."
"Tom doesn't sleep much," B'Elanna answered. "I remember Harry
saying that since Tom and I are together he doesn't get awakened in
the middle of the night anymore. Apparently, Tom used to wake him
up on a regular basis because he was restless and wanted company.
Tom says that he doesn't need more than four or five hours of
sleep. That all he usually gets." She looked at her commanding
officers sadly. "Please bring him back."
***
It was a clear winter day. The mid-afternoon sun was shining on the
snowed covered ground. Kathryn Janeway was mesmerized by the beauty
of house by the sea, surrounded by a forest green pine trees. She
was glad that Chakotay and herself had changed into warm civilian
clothes. However, it wasn't warm enough. They had expected it to be
autumn, not Winter. They walked on the front porch and rang the
bell. A few minutes later, the door opened reveling Ricky. Janeway
was stunned for a moment. *Not Ricky, Loreena,* she reminded
herself.
A smile appeared on Loreena's face when she recognized the
Commander.
"Chakotay! It's so good to see you," she greeted them. "Please come
in. Don't stay in the cold."
The first thing Janeway noticed when she stepped into the house,
before the sound of the piano or the children's laughter, was the
smell of freshly brewed coffee. She would definitively like this
place.
"Hello, Loreena. It's good to see you too. Let me introduce you
Captain Kathryn Janeway," Chakotay replied happily.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Captain," Loreena told her sincerely.
"Likewise. Please call me Kathryn."
"Kathryn it is. So, how long have you been on Kimira?" Loreena
asked.
"Oh, we just arrived." Chakotay answered. "How is Tom? Last time I
was here, you had concerns about his health."
Loreena sighed sadly.
"Is it the cancer?" Chakotay asked concerned.
"It's not official yet, but it is trying to make a comeback. He has
good days, and he has bad days." She sighed again, then abruptly
changed the subject, on a more joyous tone said: "Tom will be so
happy to see you."
To the sound of the music, Kathryn followed Loreena and Chakotay
through the hallway. The house was decorated with a lot of taste.
The walls were painted a light green. A narrow band of wallpaper of
small purple flowers and green leaves had been placed about five
centimeters below the ceiling. A few steps later, they were in the
living room.
Kathryn eyes grew wide in amazement. The warm scene in front of her
stole her heart away. She exchanged a smile with Chakotay and
Loreena.
There, in the far end of the room, near a window, Tom was sitting
at a baby-grant piano, a little girl on his laps.
*She has to be Solenn*, Kathryn thought.
The sunshine was flooding through the room by the huge windows. It
was making Tom's and his child's blond hair shine and the grey fur
of the Himalayan's, laying on the piano, sparkle. Tom and Solenn
were playing a song, and the trio stayed in the entrance silent,
enjoying the sight and the soft music. At the end of the piece, Tom
mumbled a few words to his daughter, who chuckled, then gave her a
light kiss on the forehead.
Loreena was the first one to break the spell by saying softly:
"That was beautiful."
And three pairs of blue eyes look up to them.
They caught Kathryn by surprise. She was mesmerized. It was as if
you could drown in the azure colored eyes of her pilot, his little
girl, and their cat.
"I hope were not intruding," said her male companion.
"Of course not, Chakotay. Welcome back," Tom replied joyfully.
His gaze focused on Kathryn and he smiled. He whispered something
to Solenn, then helped her off the bench. Without wasting a second,
the little girl rushed out the room. Tom rose and walked toward
Kathryn. He took the hand that she was offering him.
"Captain Janeway. I'm so happy to see you. It's been such a long
time," he told her.
"Tom," she said placing a hand on his upper arm. "I'm so happy to
see you as well. You can't imagine."
She felt overwhelmed at his warm touch, at seeing him standing in
front her. It was so real. She pulled away a little. It was then
that she noticed his appearance. He was a bit pallid and fatigue
was showing on his face. It reminded her of the grim reality of the
*outside world*. One look at him and she could tell that he was not
well. Both Chakotay and herself knew that the clock was ticking.
"Tom," she began squeezing both his hands. "This is not exactly a
social visit. We need to talk to you." Her voice was soft, but it
held the strength of command.
"Oh? Well why don't we sit down?" he proposed.
"I just made some fresh coffee," Loreena told them. "Care for any?
They all nodded. Kathryn, the first one.
"That would be great M'Love," Tom agreed, as he moved away from
Kathryn and kissed his wife.
Loreena left for the kitchen, on the other side of the living room,
and the three officers sat by the fire place, under the watchful
eye of the cat.
Chakotay expected Solenn to show up anytime with something for Tom
to do, but it never happened.
Tom was sensing the uneasiness his friends were feeling and broke
the silence.
"So Captain, what can I do for you?"
She met Chakotay's dark eyes and left him answered back.
"Tom, it has to do with what I told you when I left you on the pier
the last time I was here."
The pilot was confused for a moment.
"What did you told me on the pier?" he asked obviously not
remembering.
"Tom, this isn't real," Janeway answered. "Humor us, please. I know
it sounds strange. You are the chief pilot of the U.S.S. Voyager.
A week ago, Voyager was hit by an energy wave and the helm blew up
in front of you. You have been in a coma for a week. Then, Voyager
was affected by a special anomaly that affected the crew's brain
waves. It rendered everyone unconscious and you woke up for a short
while. But now, you're in a coma again."
As she was talking, they say Tom's defenses fall in place. His
features harden and his eyes darken into a shade of grey.
"If I'm in a coma, what about you?" he asked incredulously.
"It seems like the anomaly put you on another plane of existence,"
Chakotay answered. "I entered in a meditative state and met with
you in the Winter Garden."
"Are you listening to yourself," he asked with disbelief. "A
spatial anomaly that interfere with people's brain waves? Other
plane of existence? Voyager... Voyager is a bedtime story I tell
the children. What's the game your playing?" he finished
dangerously.
"It's not a game," Janeway defended dead serious. "Your life is at
stake."
"Tom, I believe that the bedtime story is one way for your mind to
make sense of things, just like all the pictures on the wall of
your office," Chakotay explained cautiously. "Those people are
mostly from Voyager's crew: Tuvok, Neelix, Seven, Samantha Wildman,
Joe Carey, the Delaney Sisters, Harry, and B'Elanna..."
There was suddenly a flash of recognition in Tom's blue eyes.
"B'Elanna..." he trailed of.
"Yes, B'Elanna," Chakotay replied. "She loves you and she's waiting
for you."
Silence fielded the room. Clearly what they were telling Tom had
some meaning for him. But, they could still read scepticism and
confusion on the young man's face. Who could blame him.
"Tom, what's going on?" came Loreena's concerned voice.
The tall brunette was standing in the entrance of the room. God
knew for how long. She was holding a serving tray with the coffee
pot, four cups, and some milk and sugar.
"Loreena, please come and sit down," Chakotay told her.
The Commander helped her with the tray. Everyone remained silent
as she served the coffee.
***
Their hearts heavy, Kathryn and Chakotay had moved to the kitchen,
leaving Tom and Loreena alone together by the fireplace. They could
still hear the soft voices of the young couple, despite themselves.
They had told them everything they knew about their lives, mostly
what they knew about Tom's. Sadness, fear, worry, grief and hope
had played on their faces as tears had been shed.
Kathryn and Chakotay had not learned much more about Tom's life
before Voyager. His defense mechanisms, his confusion, and
emotional blender were preventing him to answer even his own
questions.
"I can't do it, Loreena," Tom said, a knot in his throat. "I can't
leave you and the children. I'd rather die. I can't believe I left
the girls behind. What kind of father am I?"
"You're the kind of father who does everything he can to keep his
children safe," his wife assured him. "Tom, with everything that
happened to us since Caldik Prime in order to find the truth I know
you did the best you could do."
She had been Tom's voice of reason all along, just like she must
have been when they had been married.
"Tom, you know that what Kathryn and Chakotay told us is true. It's
the only thing that explains all those little things that just
don't make sense."
"I know."
"You have to go back, M'Love. Our children are waiting for you back
in the Alpha Quadrant. There's a woman on that ship who loves you
and who's waiting for you too. You have friends who put their lives
at risk in order to get to you."
"Loreena," he croaked.
"Oh, Tom you can't give up," she cried. "Not now. You can't do this
to me. I... I can't stand watching you die not knowing that you
can survive this. Don't let this damn cancer take you away Don't
let *them* win."
Kathryn looked up at Chakotay. His arms were resting on the Dinner
table. Tears were running freely down his cheeks, such as hers.
"Let *them* win?" she asked just above a whisper. "In order to find
the truth since Caldik Prime?"
Chakotay stared back her helplessly.
"After tonight, I'll go," they heard Tom promised.
"They said that time was running out for you, Tom," Loreena argued.
"Forget the play and go back with them."
"Loreena, I want to say good bye to the children. I want to do the
play. I remembered it to be special. I want us to have that moment.
Then, I'll go."
"Tom... "
"Please, Sweetheart don't argue with me."
"Okay, after the play," Loreena agreed.
Kathryn sigh in dismay. She could only hope there would be enough
time.
***
"Adrian is here," Loreena announced to Tom and the children as she
walked in living room, a tall man with brown hair on her heels.
"Daddy!" called Sayana running into her father's embrace.
"What wrong, Sayana?" Adrian asked tossing away his daughter's
tears.
His eyes met Loreena's sad ones and his expression grew sober. His
gaze flew over Tom. His friend sat in a chair, Solenn in his arms.
He then nodded to the two strangers standing in the entrance of the
kitchen.
"It's time," Tom told his children softly.
"Noooo!" cried out Solenn. "I don't wanna go!"
"Soleil, we talked about this," Tom calmly remanded the three-
year-old little girl.
"I don't wanna leave you," she sniffed. "I won't see you again."
"I know Sunshine. But, you'll never be alone. And..." he swallowed
painfully. "And daddy and mommy will never stop loving you and
Sayana. You know that."
The child nodded and burying herself in Tom's arm.
"Do you have your magic blanket?"
Solenn nodded again.
"You don't need to be scared with your magic blanket, Soleil," he
waited a few seconds as the cries of the child subsided. "Mommy and
Sayana will be with you. Adrian, Claire, your aunts Christine and
Victoria, and your grand-ma Hester will be there too. Will you go
like a big girl?"
"Okay Like a big girl," she agreed.
Tom gave her a bear hug for the last time before letting her go.
Loreena picked up Solenn in her arms as Tom invited Sayana in his
embrace, lovingly kissed away each of her tears.
***
The play had been one of the best Kathryn had ever seen. The
classic tale of forbidden love had never been played with so much
emotions. Kathryn knew that Tom was a good actor. She had seen him
pulled the wool over the eyes of the entire crew when she had sent
him undercover. But, this just wasn't the same. Was it because they
knew it was the last time?
The audience had seen Tom become a totally different person. A
young and passionate man displaying to all his unconditional love
for a woman from a mystical world, bringing everyone to tears. All
of them had been moved by the depth of the feeling between all the
characters. And nobody had been immune to the love shared by Tom
and Loreena. It had filled the theater to the rafters.
Kathryn's heart swelled once more at the thought of having to take
Tom away from this. He had created a perfect world, here. A
wonderful and loving home. A home that once had truly been his own.
What could have possible happen to her friend and his family?
Kathryn and Chakotay were walking a little ahead of the young
couple, to give them a little privacy. She could hear them laugh
and gently tease each other about mistakes in the play that only
they had noticed. She could feel their love from where she was, ten
paces ahead of them.
In that instant, she had another insight into Tom Paris. She
suddenly understood with a vivid clarity the young cocky smart Alec
she had met in the New Zealand penal colony. How he must have felt
lost without this woman that he loved so much. How he must have
jumped into the first opportunity to loose some of the pain, to
forget some of the loneliness. Kathryn had known then, but was
certain now, that the young man that had stepped on her ship as an
observer was not cocky nor arrogant, just someone who had been in
a lot of pain. Her heart went out to him.
If she had known, maybe she could have been there for him, helped
him worked through some of that pain. She knew what it felt like to
lose a lover, and understood why it had taken Tom so long to really
fall in love all over again. Kathryn realized how much she was
feeling alone at that moment, and how she needed to feel close to
someone. She extended her hand and slipped it into Chakotay's. He
took it without hesitation nor question.
They crossed the street and entered a park. Kathryn felt Chakotay's
hand tighten over hers, as his whole body stiffened. He stopped
dead in his tracks and look over his shoulder where he saw Tom and
Loreena heading for the pond. His eyes fell back on her with a
panicked look she never had seen in him before. His gaze shifted
from the young couple to Kathryn as he told her that the park was
the Winter Garden. Chakotay pointed the bench where he had met Tom
earlier, and the icy pond where he had subsequently lost him.
They started walking quickly toward them, when they saw the two
make their way on the ice. Tom and Loreena were laughing, holding
to each other's hands in order to keep their balance. Kathryn's
blood ran cold as she felt the cool midnight air turn frigid. Her
captain's sixth sense kicked in. Her gaze flew around the park, but
she never saw from where the first shot of light came from as it
hit Loreena. A fraction of a second later, another one hit Tom.
Like rag-dolls shaken by a dog, they both twisted in their tracks
and started to fall into the icy water.
All hell broke loose.
She heard Chakotay yell that this couldn't be, not again, as they
ran toward the fallen couple.
Men, clad in black came from every direction. Kathryn had never
noticed them until that moment. For a second she thought that they
were the assailants, but on their black jackets, she saw the
Foundation's emblem, and she understood. They were bodyguards. The
men had surrounded them, shielding them from further assault. They
helped her and Chakotay to pull Tom and Loreena out of the pond.
Kathryn knelt next to them as they were placing blankets over Tom
and Loreena's bloody and frozen bodies. Despite his massive
injuries, Tom was rapidly regaining his bearings. He reached his
wife and cradled her in his arms.
"Loreena, don't leave me again!" he cried.
Blood was soaking the front of Loreena's coat. Even though he
refused to admit it, he knew that she had just a few minutes left.
"This is not what happened! This is not the night you died. Please
I'm the one who's suppose to go, not you stay with me. I love
you..." he pleaded.
"I love you too." she whispered. Her gaze turned up toward Kathryn
and Chakotay. "Tom, let go. Someone who loves you is waiting for
you where Kathryn and Chakotay come from. Go with them, M'Love,"
she painfully told him.
Her last breath left her and her eyes closed for the last time, to
the sound of the emergency vehicle arriving on the scene. Kathryn
took Tom by the shoulders and pulled him back gently to give some
room to the paramedics. But everyone knew that it was too late.
She was gone.
The bodyguards melted back into the decor as the sun rose. Before
they knew it, they were left alone in the bright shining Winter
Garden. The big blue Himalayan approached them quietly, and sat
beside Tom.
End of Part 4
It took us three versions to finally come up with what we wanted
to say. Loved it, hated it, please let us know.
Big thanks to Amanda B. and PJ in NH for giving their support and
Beta/reading this text.
We know, Tom isn't awake yet. So, look for the last part of this
saga: *In The Dark: Faith Has Led Him Through It*.
Isabelle S. and Louise B.
synbou@hotmail.com
Copyrights June 1998
of the Voyager's crew belong to Paramount. But, the people of
Port-Ayalexis (all this little universe) is ours. This story is 4/5
of the In the Dark saga.
SYNOPSIS: Chakotay goes back into Tom's reality in order to
convince him to come home. This time, with some additional help.
In The Dark, part 4: It Happened One Night.
by Synbou.
Synbou@hotmail.com
Captain Kathryn Janeway jumped, startled at the sound of another
alarm. She instinctively looked at Tom Paris's readings before
realizing that the sound hadn't come from beside her, but from
behind her. Her gaze crossed B'Elanna's own look of desperation
before she turned to Commander Chakotay's bedside, ready to give
The Doctor some assistance. With a quick nod, the EMH left Paris
under Ensign Wildman's supervision, then joined the Captain.
The tension in Sickbay had risen in a matter of seconds. First,
Tom's blood pressured had dropped for the umpteen time today. Now,
Chakotay's vitals were getting life threatening as well. His pulse
was awfully fast, his breathing quick and shallow, as thought he
was running a marathon. She bit her lower lip as the fear of losing
either man, or even worse both of them, crossed her mind. The
Doctor applied a hypospray on Chakotay's neck and the Commander
literally bolted upright. Janeway stepped backward in surprise
while B'Elanna almost cried out-loud.
"Commander! Are you all right?" The Doctor asked concerned.
Chakotay blinked several times. His confusion was obvious on his
tattooed face. Janeway could have sworn she saw a haunted look in
his dark eyes. Quickly regaining her control, she approached her
First Officer.
"Chakotay." It took him a moment to register her voice and look at
her. His eyes seemed clearer, but he was wearing the same
expression. "You're back on Voyager."
"What... what happened?" he managed between two harsh breaths.
"Your vitals were erratic. They were starting to be life
threatening, so I revived you," explained The Doctor. "Thee is
enough of Lieutenant Paris's critical-"
"Tom!" he interrupted. "Is he...?" He didn't dare finish his
sentence as his eyes searched for the pilot. He found him laying on
the main biobed, unconscious, but still alive. *Thank you Spirits,*
he sighed as he got to his feet.
He looked at Janeway, grateful for the support she was giving him.
He came closer to Tom and rested a hand on the young man's
shoulder. Tom's condition hadn't changed. He tried to hide his
disappointment at seeing him again, in his sleeping state.
"Chakotay," B'Elanna began barely above a whisper. Her voice was
a ghost of its usual strength and self-confidence. "Have you been
able to make another connection with Tom?"
"I have. You shouldn't have-" He was about to continue, but changed
his mind in resignation.
What was done, was done.
Chakotay's eyes dropped on his friend's silent features again. He
allowed himself an other sigh, before turning back them.
"Tom isn't in the Winter Garden any more. It seems like he's
reliving a part of his life, or a fantasy. I just don't know him
well enough to know where the line is drawn. Except for what I saw
back in the Maquis, what I know from his reputation and his record.
Tom has kept his past mostly to himself. I learned things about
him, I would never had imagine. The setting prevented me from
confronting him and telling him that he is in coma before it was
too late." The Commander paused and looked at all of them. "He's
dying and if we ever want to convince him that he has to wake up
and come back to us, I need to know more about him. I need to know
who he *really* is."
Janeway kept staring at him while he was speaking. She heard every
word, understood their importance, felt there urgency, but somehow
she didn't grasp their whole meaning.
She knew too well that there were more to Thomas Eugene Paris than
met the eye. She also knew that there were some damn good reasons
for him to keep not only his past, but also his true self hidden
under a tainted career, and a strong, cocky, arrogant persona.
However, Tom's past mistakes were now buried under dozens of
commendations, and the persona had started to slip and vanish. Tom
had found his place on Voyager. The need to constantly protect
himself had lessened over the years. The crew was now relying on a
dedicated officer and a caring friend. Someone who was slowly
letting himself be unwrapped by the power of friendship and love.
They had learned a lot about him recently, but still so little.
Would it be enough to help Chakotay bring him back.
"Commander, we haven't discussed the possibility for you to go
back, yet," the Doctor told him.
"I have to. He needs my help. Tom is not only sick, here, he's sick
in *his* reality, too. What's happening to him here, seems to
translate itself by a relapse of his cancer over there, in his
mind."
"His cancer?..." echoed B'Elanna, understanding the implications.
An uneasy silence fell between them.
"If you feel you can discuss what you learned about Tom with us,
surely we can find something that can help you, help him," Janeway
finally conceded.
"Like I said, I need to know more about him before I try to reach
him once more."
"Why don't we go to my office?" suggested The Doctor.
Once in the privacy of the CMO's office, Chakotay started to relate
his encounter with Tom in the market. He concentrated on every
detail that he could remember: the season; the way Tom greeted him,
treating him like a friend he had not seen for a long time; his
shopping, his interactions with the merchants, and how everyone
knew him and were aware of his tastes.
"I asked him if he was still working for Starfleet. Tom answered
that he did but more as a . . . consultant. He was working with
Admiral Audrey Larsen, for the Missing Person Department. He
actually refereed to her by her fist name."
"Admiral Audrey Larsen suggested Tom to me for the mission,"
Janeway said with some reserved. This conversation was taking a
turn that was starting to worry her.
"That would make sense if he was working with her; even more if it
was for the Missing Person Department. My ship was missing," the
former Maquis Captain pointed out. "I learned later on that he was
really working for the Silver-Seas Foundation whom was
collaborating with Starfleet."
"The Silver-Seas Foundation?" asked The Doctor.
"It's a civilian, non-political organization that provides
humanitarian aid to people in need."
"Didn't the Foundation make a name for itself when it brought aid
to the people of the DMZ without Starfleet's consent?" B'Elanna
inquired.
"Yes, it did. Although, it's been around for more than 15 years,
since the Irsian/Kimirian War," Chakotay responded. "Tom talked a
lot about the War. I had the impression that he had been there."
"He has been there," B'Elanna confirmed. "He has some family in
Kimira. If he was working for the Foundation, could it explain why
he was in the DMZ when you met him?" she asked.
"I don't know, B'Elanna. Maybe, assuming all this is true,"
Chakotay consented. "But, he did end-up in prison. Then again,
Starfleet wasn't pleased with the presence of the Foundation in the
DMZ. Tom said that he's known Larsen for many years, maybe she's
a friend of his father's. Maybe she jumped on the first occasion to
sent him free."
"Don't mix Tom's father into this," Janeway warned. "Admiral Paris
didn't do anything to help his son. That something I know for
sure."
Janeway paused weighing the implications of her next words.
"Admiral Larsen is Tom's aunt: Audrey Breana Paris Larsen," she
revealed. "Like I said, Larsen suggested Tom for the mission, but
Admiral Netchev actually ordered me to talk to him. A fact that
both Tom and I wasn't pleased with. Tom doesn't use a friendly tone
when he speaks about the Admiral. He said that on the few occasions
he met her, he never liked what she had to offer." She took a
breath and changed the subject. "Still, I wouldn't be surprised if
Tom was or is working for the Foundation considering that he
studied in Port-Ayalexis."
Chakotay shrugged as everyone stayed silent, still recovering from
what Janeway had just told them.
I'm still wondering how he managed to do everything," he said after
a while. "Tom said that he had done his doctorate in Astrophysics
at Yanka University in Port-Ayalexis. That surprised me. But, when
he said that he had started a *doctorate* in criminology: that
really threw me."
"Two doctorates?" voiced the EMH.
"Criminology?" asked B'Elanna.
Janeway smiled sadly. "Tom handed in his dissertation in
criminology before he joined Voyager," she said, taking everyone
aback.
"So, what your telling us is that Mr. Paris is a criminologist?"
the EMH warranted.
"He might be," Janeway answered. "Voyager ended up in the Delta
Quadrant before he received the results." She smiled sadly again,
knowing the time and the effort Tom must have put into it, and
remembering her own dedication back at the Academy. "I read his
paper. It was quite impressive."
"What is it about?" asked The Doctor.
"Different profiles of kidnappers."
"Which must be rather useful for the Missing Person Department,"
Chakotay granted. "You didn't know that when he first came onboard,
did you?"
"No, Tuvok brought it up to me when we considered sending Tom
undercover. Tom and I had a few talks about his studies. He said
that the work of his Aunt Audrey always fascinated him and that it
motivated him to study in criminology. I know that he was on Kimira
when he had the first relapse of his cancer. That's where he
underwent the decytologenesis treatment."
She paused for a sigh. They had learned a few months earlier, when
Tom's cancer had relapsed, how devastating cancer could be and how
difficult it was to treat.
"Tom is always careful of what he confesses about himself," she
went on. "Tuvok, on his part, told me that he had found intriguing
facts concerning Tom, but since it was not a matter of ship
security that he didn't see the point of disclosing them at that
time."
"Sounds like the Tuvok I know," grinned Chakotay. "One of those
facts might just be coming and it's the most important thing of
all. We were talking with the butcher, I don't remember his name.
He mentioned Loreena and the children."
"Solenn and Sayana?" asked B'Elanna.
"You know about them?" came Chakotay's replied unable to hide the
surprise in his voice.
Janeway's caught herself with her mouth open. Tom definitely hadn't
shared that part of his life with her. The Doctor remained
uncharacteristically quiet while B'Elanna explained:
"When Tom had his last brush with cancer, he told me. He had
already turned to Samantha to talk about them. They've been friends
for a long time, and being the only one with a child onboard, it
was easier for him."
"Were Tom and Loreena really married?"
"Married?!" echoed the Captain.
"Yes, they were for 6 or 7 years. The only thing I know is that she
died tragically. Tom never talks about how it happened. It is a
very difficult subject for him. When it comes to the children, he
says that he knows that people who love them are looking after
them. From what I understood, Tom gave up Solenn's custody to
Adrian, Sayana's father, after Loreena's death. He said that it was
the best thing to do under the circumstances whatever they were,
and that it would prevent the Paris family from separating the
girls. But, it was hard on him. He says that Naomi helps him a
lot." She told them more softly, "He must I've been a great
father."
"He *is* a great father," Chakotay whispered. "If what I saw is
anything like whatever actually happened, losing Loreena must have
been devastating, and the children..."
"If it can comfort you," said The Doctor. "You'll be happy to know
that I gave Tom a message from them when I came back from the
Alpha-Quadrant, given to me by Admiral Larsen. Tom received an
other message from them by the array. It had been sent directly to
me, hidden through some medical files."
"Why, was it sent to you and not Tom?" asked Janeway.
"There are apparently security reasons to it," The Doctor replied.
"From what I understood, Tom and his family were in some danger
before he joined Voyager, and he had to constantly look over his
shoulder."
"That would explain a lot about his behavior," voiced Chakotay
wondering, like everyone else, what the danger might have been;
what had happened to Loreena; and who was taking care of the
children. "I feel like I'm walking on eggshells here," he admitted.
"Obviously, Tom being married, and having children weren't meant to
be common knowledge, and people back home seem to be very careful.
I would hate to put the safety of the girls in jeopardy. Who knows
when we are going to get home."
"I agree with you, Chakotay," Janeway said. "We'll have to be
careful. Who's Loreena?"
Chakotay allowed himself a small grin, that he shared with
B'Elanna.
"Ricky, Tom's favorite holo-character, that seemed to have
disappeared since Tom and I are a couple. He still runs her program
from time to time. She has been a very important part of his life,
and he misses her."
"He made a holo-character of his late-wife," Janeway stated keeping
her tone neutral, but still feeling surprised.
"Actually," replied B'Elanna. "Ricky is the character of a play
they did while they were taking acting classes together. Megan told
me one evening that he was hanging with a holo-character and
flirting with too many women at the same time, in order to keep
everyone away. She even agreed to pretend going out with him for
the sake of rumors. Although, he never gave her the real reason
why."
"I can hardly believe that," commented The Doctor. "He was quite
attracted to Kes."
"Kes was an other matter. Tom is the first one to tell you that he
didn't handle that situation very well, but he would had never
stepped between her and Neelix. At the time, he needed a friend
other than Harry. A woman. Kes was kind to him, he misread the
signals, and got himself in more trouble than intended. I don't
think-"
An alarm went off, cutting the discussion short. The Doctor was out
of his office in two steps, followed closely by the three other
officers. The Captain explained to the commander that Tom's blood
pressure kept dropping dramatically. A few minutes later, visibly
satisfied, the physician walked to them.
"Whatever you do, Commander, I suggest you do it soon," The Doctor
told him. "Tom's condition is deteriorating. He's extremely weak.
I keep building back his stamina, but it's running thin. He can
breath on his own, but I keep him on minimum respiratory support to
lessen his effort. As you put it earlier, B'Elanna, time is running
out."
"Well," began Chakotay. "I could go back right now. The problem is,
I'm not getting through to him. He sees me as a good friend, but
nothing more. He made it clear that I don't outrank him anymore.
Each time I tried to bring up the subject, something happened. It
got very frustrating. He has all those defense mechanisms in place.
He sigh, the time to look at Janeway.
"I was hoping on you, Captain. Maybe... You should come with me.
You entered the Spirit Plane many times before. Tom always looked
up to you, much more than he did me. As far as he knows, you
disappeared awhile back. Actually, your picture, along with the
ones of the other members of the crew, serves as his office's
wallpaper. For him, Voyager is only a bedtime story he tells his
children at night."
Janeway eyes flew on Tom's still form again. His skin was an
unhealthy shade of white. She missed him. He had become a good
friend over the years. She had seen her protge blossom in such a
dedicated officer. She hated the simple thought of doing the rest
of the trip home without him. Tom had too much to live for. The
Doctor had made it quite clear that they were losing him. The fears
she had felt for him, as she had left him in her ready room the
week before, and when the anomaly had caused his condition to
change yesterday, were tormenting her even more deeply. But this
time, Chakotay was offering her a way to help Tom. To help her
friend.
So, she contacted Tuvok, briefed him on the situation, and turned
Voyager over to him during her absence.
"I still have so many questions, and things to tell you," Chakotay
told them. "B'Elanna, is Tom a light sleeper? Because, he doesn't
seem to sleep. If he does, it's very little. Everyone keeps telling
him to rest and get some sleep. I was wondering if it was normal
for him or if it was due to his condition."
"Tom doesn't sleep much," B'Elanna answered. "I remember Harry
saying that since Tom and I are together he doesn't get awakened in
the middle of the night anymore. Apparently, Tom used to wake him
up on a regular basis because he was restless and wanted company.
Tom says that he doesn't need more than four or five hours of
sleep. That all he usually gets." She looked at her commanding
officers sadly. "Please bring him back."
***
It was a clear winter day. The mid-afternoon sun was shining on the
snowed covered ground. Kathryn Janeway was mesmerized by the beauty
of house by the sea, surrounded by a forest green pine trees. She
was glad that Chakotay and herself had changed into warm civilian
clothes. However, it wasn't warm enough. They had expected it to be
autumn, not Winter. They walked on the front porch and rang the
bell. A few minutes later, the door opened reveling Ricky. Janeway
was stunned for a moment. *Not Ricky, Loreena,* she reminded
herself.
A smile appeared on Loreena's face when she recognized the
Commander.
"Chakotay! It's so good to see you," she greeted them. "Please come
in. Don't stay in the cold."
The first thing Janeway noticed when she stepped into the house,
before the sound of the piano or the children's laughter, was the
smell of freshly brewed coffee. She would definitively like this
place.
"Hello, Loreena. It's good to see you too. Let me introduce you
Captain Kathryn Janeway," Chakotay replied happily.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Captain," Loreena told her sincerely.
"Likewise. Please call me Kathryn."
"Kathryn it is. So, how long have you been on Kimira?" Loreena
asked.
"Oh, we just arrived." Chakotay answered. "How is Tom? Last time I
was here, you had concerns about his health."
Loreena sighed sadly.
"Is it the cancer?" Chakotay asked concerned.
"It's not official yet, but it is trying to make a comeback. He has
good days, and he has bad days." She sighed again, then abruptly
changed the subject, on a more joyous tone said: "Tom will be so
happy to see you."
To the sound of the music, Kathryn followed Loreena and Chakotay
through the hallway. The house was decorated with a lot of taste.
The walls were painted a light green. A narrow band of wallpaper of
small purple flowers and green leaves had been placed about five
centimeters below the ceiling. A few steps later, they were in the
living room.
Kathryn eyes grew wide in amazement. The warm scene in front of her
stole her heart away. She exchanged a smile with Chakotay and
Loreena.
There, in the far end of the room, near a window, Tom was sitting
at a baby-grant piano, a little girl on his laps.
*She has to be Solenn*, Kathryn thought.
The sunshine was flooding through the room by the huge windows. It
was making Tom's and his child's blond hair shine and the grey fur
of the Himalayan's, laying on the piano, sparkle. Tom and Solenn
were playing a song, and the trio stayed in the entrance silent,
enjoying the sight and the soft music. At the end of the piece, Tom
mumbled a few words to his daughter, who chuckled, then gave her a
light kiss on the forehead.
Loreena was the first one to break the spell by saying softly:
"That was beautiful."
And three pairs of blue eyes look up to them.
They caught Kathryn by surprise. She was mesmerized. It was as if
you could drown in the azure colored eyes of her pilot, his little
girl, and their cat.
"I hope were not intruding," said her male companion.
"Of course not, Chakotay. Welcome back," Tom replied joyfully.
His gaze focused on Kathryn and he smiled. He whispered something
to Solenn, then helped her off the bench. Without wasting a second,
the little girl rushed out the room. Tom rose and walked toward
Kathryn. He took the hand that she was offering him.
"Captain Janeway. I'm so happy to see you. It's been such a long
time," he told her.
"Tom," she said placing a hand on his upper arm. "I'm so happy to
see you as well. You can't imagine."
She felt overwhelmed at his warm touch, at seeing him standing in
front her. It was so real. She pulled away a little. It was then
that she noticed his appearance. He was a bit pallid and fatigue
was showing on his face. It reminded her of the grim reality of the
*outside world*. One look at him and she could tell that he was not
well. Both Chakotay and herself knew that the clock was ticking.
"Tom," she began squeezing both his hands. "This is not exactly a
social visit. We need to talk to you." Her voice was soft, but it
held the strength of command.
"Oh? Well why don't we sit down?" he proposed.
"I just made some fresh coffee," Loreena told them. "Care for any?
They all nodded. Kathryn, the first one.
"That would be great M'Love," Tom agreed, as he moved away from
Kathryn and kissed his wife.
Loreena left for the kitchen, on the other side of the living room,
and the three officers sat by the fire place, under the watchful
eye of the cat.
Chakotay expected Solenn to show up anytime with something for Tom
to do, but it never happened.
Tom was sensing the uneasiness his friends were feeling and broke
the silence.
"So Captain, what can I do for you?"
She met Chakotay's dark eyes and left him answered back.
"Tom, it has to do with what I told you when I left you on the pier
the last time I was here."
The pilot was confused for a moment.
"What did you told me on the pier?" he asked obviously not
remembering.
"Tom, this isn't real," Janeway answered. "Humor us, please. I know
it sounds strange. You are the chief pilot of the U.S.S. Voyager.
A week ago, Voyager was hit by an energy wave and the helm blew up
in front of you. You have been in a coma for a week. Then, Voyager
was affected by a special anomaly that affected the crew's brain
waves. It rendered everyone unconscious and you woke up for a short
while. But now, you're in a coma again."
As she was talking, they say Tom's defenses fall in place. His
features harden and his eyes darken into a shade of grey.
"If I'm in a coma, what about you?" he asked incredulously.
"It seems like the anomaly put you on another plane of existence,"
Chakotay answered. "I entered in a meditative state and met with
you in the Winter Garden."
"Are you listening to yourself," he asked with disbelief. "A
spatial anomaly that interfere with people's brain waves? Other
plane of existence? Voyager... Voyager is a bedtime story I tell
the children. What's the game your playing?" he finished
dangerously.
"It's not a game," Janeway defended dead serious. "Your life is at
stake."
"Tom, I believe that the bedtime story is one way for your mind to
make sense of things, just like all the pictures on the wall of
your office," Chakotay explained cautiously. "Those people are
mostly from Voyager's crew: Tuvok, Neelix, Seven, Samantha Wildman,
Joe Carey, the Delaney Sisters, Harry, and B'Elanna..."
There was suddenly a flash of recognition in Tom's blue eyes.
"B'Elanna..." he trailed of.
"Yes, B'Elanna," Chakotay replied. "She loves you and she's waiting
for you."
Silence fielded the room. Clearly what they were telling Tom had
some meaning for him. But, they could still read scepticism and
confusion on the young man's face. Who could blame him.
"Tom, what's going on?" came Loreena's concerned voice.
The tall brunette was standing in the entrance of the room. God
knew for how long. She was holding a serving tray with the coffee
pot, four cups, and some milk and sugar.
"Loreena, please come and sit down," Chakotay told her.
The Commander helped her with the tray. Everyone remained silent
as she served the coffee.
***
Their hearts heavy, Kathryn and Chakotay had moved to the kitchen,
leaving Tom and Loreena alone together by the fireplace. They could
still hear the soft voices of the young couple, despite themselves.
They had told them everything they knew about their lives, mostly
what they knew about Tom's. Sadness, fear, worry, grief and hope
had played on their faces as tears had been shed.
Kathryn and Chakotay had not learned much more about Tom's life
before Voyager. His defense mechanisms, his confusion, and
emotional blender were preventing him to answer even his own
questions.
"I can't do it, Loreena," Tom said, a knot in his throat. "I can't
leave you and the children. I'd rather die. I can't believe I left
the girls behind. What kind of father am I?"
"You're the kind of father who does everything he can to keep his
children safe," his wife assured him. "Tom, with everything that
happened to us since Caldik Prime in order to find the truth I know
you did the best you could do."
She had been Tom's voice of reason all along, just like she must
have been when they had been married.
"Tom, you know that what Kathryn and Chakotay told us is true. It's
the only thing that explains all those little things that just
don't make sense."
"I know."
"You have to go back, M'Love. Our children are waiting for you back
in the Alpha Quadrant. There's a woman on that ship who loves you
and who's waiting for you too. You have friends who put their lives
at risk in order to get to you."
"Loreena," he croaked.
"Oh, Tom you can't give up," she cried. "Not now. You can't do this
to me. I... I can't stand watching you die not knowing that you
can survive this. Don't let this damn cancer take you away Don't
let *them* win."
Kathryn looked up at Chakotay. His arms were resting on the Dinner
table. Tears were running freely down his cheeks, such as hers.
"Let *them* win?" she asked just above a whisper. "In order to find
the truth since Caldik Prime?"
Chakotay stared back her helplessly.
"After tonight, I'll go," they heard Tom promised.
"They said that time was running out for you, Tom," Loreena argued.
"Forget the play and go back with them."
"Loreena, I want to say good bye to the children. I want to do the
play. I remembered it to be special. I want us to have that moment.
Then, I'll go."
"Tom... "
"Please, Sweetheart don't argue with me."
"Okay, after the play," Loreena agreed.
Kathryn sigh in dismay. She could only hope there would be enough
time.
***
"Adrian is here," Loreena announced to Tom and the children as she
walked in living room, a tall man with brown hair on her heels.
"Daddy!" called Sayana running into her father's embrace.
"What wrong, Sayana?" Adrian asked tossing away his daughter's
tears.
His eyes met Loreena's sad ones and his expression grew sober. His
gaze flew over Tom. His friend sat in a chair, Solenn in his arms.
He then nodded to the two strangers standing in the entrance of the
kitchen.
"It's time," Tom told his children softly.
"Noooo!" cried out Solenn. "I don't wanna go!"
"Soleil, we talked about this," Tom calmly remanded the three-
year-old little girl.
"I don't wanna leave you," she sniffed. "I won't see you again."
"I know Sunshine. But, you'll never be alone. And..." he swallowed
painfully. "And daddy and mommy will never stop loving you and
Sayana. You know that."
The child nodded and burying herself in Tom's arm.
"Do you have your magic blanket?"
Solenn nodded again.
"You don't need to be scared with your magic blanket, Soleil," he
waited a few seconds as the cries of the child subsided. "Mommy and
Sayana will be with you. Adrian, Claire, your aunts Christine and
Victoria, and your grand-ma Hester will be there too. Will you go
like a big girl?"
"Okay Like a big girl," she agreed.
Tom gave her a bear hug for the last time before letting her go.
Loreena picked up Solenn in her arms as Tom invited Sayana in his
embrace, lovingly kissed away each of her tears.
***
The play had been one of the best Kathryn had ever seen. The
classic tale of forbidden love had never been played with so much
emotions. Kathryn knew that Tom was a good actor. She had seen him
pulled the wool over the eyes of the entire crew when she had sent
him undercover. But, this just wasn't the same. Was it because they
knew it was the last time?
The audience had seen Tom become a totally different person. A
young and passionate man displaying to all his unconditional love
for a woman from a mystical world, bringing everyone to tears. All
of them had been moved by the depth of the feeling between all the
characters. And nobody had been immune to the love shared by Tom
and Loreena. It had filled the theater to the rafters.
Kathryn's heart swelled once more at the thought of having to take
Tom away from this. He had created a perfect world, here. A
wonderful and loving home. A home that once had truly been his own.
What could have possible happen to her friend and his family?
Kathryn and Chakotay were walking a little ahead of the young
couple, to give them a little privacy. She could hear them laugh
and gently tease each other about mistakes in the play that only
they had noticed. She could feel their love from where she was, ten
paces ahead of them.
In that instant, she had another insight into Tom Paris. She
suddenly understood with a vivid clarity the young cocky smart Alec
she had met in the New Zealand penal colony. How he must have felt
lost without this woman that he loved so much. How he must have
jumped into the first opportunity to loose some of the pain, to
forget some of the loneliness. Kathryn had known then, but was
certain now, that the young man that had stepped on her ship as an
observer was not cocky nor arrogant, just someone who had been in
a lot of pain. Her heart went out to him.
If she had known, maybe she could have been there for him, helped
him worked through some of that pain. She knew what it felt like to
lose a lover, and understood why it had taken Tom so long to really
fall in love all over again. Kathryn realized how much she was
feeling alone at that moment, and how she needed to feel close to
someone. She extended her hand and slipped it into Chakotay's. He
took it without hesitation nor question.
They crossed the street and entered a park. Kathryn felt Chakotay's
hand tighten over hers, as his whole body stiffened. He stopped
dead in his tracks and look over his shoulder where he saw Tom and
Loreena heading for the pond. His eyes fell back on her with a
panicked look she never had seen in him before. His gaze shifted
from the young couple to Kathryn as he told her that the park was
the Winter Garden. Chakotay pointed the bench where he had met Tom
earlier, and the icy pond where he had subsequently lost him.
They started walking quickly toward them, when they saw the two
make their way on the ice. Tom and Loreena were laughing, holding
to each other's hands in order to keep their balance. Kathryn's
blood ran cold as she felt the cool midnight air turn frigid. Her
captain's sixth sense kicked in. Her gaze flew around the park, but
she never saw from where the first shot of light came from as it
hit Loreena. A fraction of a second later, another one hit Tom.
Like rag-dolls shaken by a dog, they both twisted in their tracks
and started to fall into the icy water.
All hell broke loose.
She heard Chakotay yell that this couldn't be, not again, as they
ran toward the fallen couple.
Men, clad in black came from every direction. Kathryn had never
noticed them until that moment. For a second she thought that they
were the assailants, but on their black jackets, she saw the
Foundation's emblem, and she understood. They were bodyguards. The
men had surrounded them, shielding them from further assault. They
helped her and Chakotay to pull Tom and Loreena out of the pond.
Kathryn knelt next to them as they were placing blankets over Tom
and Loreena's bloody and frozen bodies. Despite his massive
injuries, Tom was rapidly regaining his bearings. He reached his
wife and cradled her in his arms.
"Loreena, don't leave me again!" he cried.
Blood was soaking the front of Loreena's coat. Even though he
refused to admit it, he knew that she had just a few minutes left.
"This is not what happened! This is not the night you died. Please
I'm the one who's suppose to go, not you stay with me. I love
you..." he pleaded.
"I love you too." she whispered. Her gaze turned up toward Kathryn
and Chakotay. "Tom, let go. Someone who loves you is waiting for
you where Kathryn and Chakotay come from. Go with them, M'Love,"
she painfully told him.
Her last breath left her and her eyes closed for the last time, to
the sound of the emergency vehicle arriving on the scene. Kathryn
took Tom by the shoulders and pulled him back gently to give some
room to the paramedics. But everyone knew that it was too late.
She was gone.
The bodyguards melted back into the decor as the sun rose. Before
they knew it, they were left alone in the bright shining Winter
Garden. The big blue Himalayan approached them quietly, and sat
beside Tom.
End of Part 4
It took us three versions to finally come up with what we wanted
to say. Loved it, hated it, please let us know.
Big thanks to Amanda B. and PJ in NH for giving their support and
Beta/reading this text.
We know, Tom isn't awake yet. So, look for the last part of this
saga: *In The Dark: Faith Has Led Him Through It*.
Isabelle S. and Louise B.
synbou@hotmail.com
Copyrights June 1998