An Analysis of Spandex Space
By Admiral Albia/\/\/\
"I dunno, Fred, wouldn't that cause a knock-on effect?
I mean, do we really want to have to bury toxic waste, I thought they'd
dug all of that up and burned it years ago.... yes, I can see that... yeah...
yeah, but listen, Fred..."
Duo coughed politely to attract the attention of conference. "Uh... I'm the new guy?"
"The... new... oh, him! Sure, sit down." Duo took the only remaining chair, and realised suddenly that there was someone in the corner of the room. Just as he opened his mouth, however, Quatre put a finger to his lips. Duo shrugged and turned back to the table.
"So, what have you tried?"
"Everything!" Someone exploded. Duo nodded.
"Have you tried spandex?"
"What?" The entire table chorused, and he sighed.
"It'd be easier if I showed you... do you have an overhead projector? Thanks." Duo grabbed a pointer and began to display some slide which he had with him. "A few years ago, I had the privilege of observing the only known user of `Spandex Space`, as it is known, in the process of using it. This -" there was a click as the slide changed "- is Heero Yuy. I'm sure you've heard of him. He piloted Wing Zero in the war." There was a succession of nods around the table. "And these -" click "- are his... legs, his legs, yes.... Heero's legs...." The assembly of scientists sat quietly for a moment before realising that their new boy wasn't really paying attention. Whether this was because of the thin line of drool trickling from his mouth, or from the way he was staring at the slide, or possibly from the way the front of his trousers looked a little fuller than before, we may never know. But whatever it was, the scientist nearest Duo reached out and snapped his fingers in front of the besotted pilots face. Duo blinked.
"Oh... yes, sorry... well, as you can see, he's wearing spandex shorts. He was always wearing spandex shorts. And yet -" click "-can you see a gun in those shorts? And do you all agree that you should be able to see a gun?" There were murmurs from the audience. "And we know he had one, because he pulled it on me at various occasions. I never could work out where it came from. But this, ladies and gentlemen, isn't the end. Oh no. I expect you'd say that maybe he could carry it just under his groin, yes?.... yes... Heero's groin.... sorry, I lost myself for a minute there. Well, aside from it being a bit tricky to pull out, where did he keep the laptop? I know I've seen Heero pull that from his pocket, or what would have been his pocket if spandex shorts had pockets. Overall, though, I was forced to conclude that he could keep practically anything in those shorts... in spandex space." Duo turned round. There was a forest of hands in the air. He picked someone at random.
"How do we know you didn't just get him to put the gun away for those photos?" Someone asked. Duo exchanged looks with Quatre, who was grinning, and rolled the slide up, revealing that Heero was drawing his gun at the time; they could see the handle, but the trigger and butt were hidden under spandex, and their outlines weren't showing.
"This is just a joke, isn't it?" Someone else said. Duo blinked.
"No, I'm perfectly serious - Quatre, stop that!" But at this last statement of Duo's, Quatre had given up, and was now rolling around on the floor laughing. The majority of the scientists looked very surprised to see him there. "I am capable of being serious, you know." This, unfortunately, only made Quatre laugh harder, though he added in between gasps that he actually thought it was a very good idea, it was just the thought of Duo being serious.../\/\/\
"No, I really do like the idea," Quatre insisted half
an hour later. "It's just... your face when you looked at those slides
of Heero's legs... oh dear... you really did love him, didn't you?" Duo
blushed heavily.
"Quatre, I'm meant to be getting acquainted with you, not talking about my nonexistent sex life."
"But we're already acquainted," Quatre pointed out, still giggling. "Um... well, do you have any idea how it works?" Duo sighed and shook his head.
"I did ask him once. He said `hn`."
"Oh."
"I don't suppose you can translate that?"
"Not really, I'm a bit out of practice with Heero-speak. Oh well, looks like we'll have to track him down and ask him. Do you have any idea where-"
"Heero and Wufei went on a three-year tour of the Oriental countries," Duo said immediately, then slammed his hand over his mouth. "Damn..."
"Not too eager, then?" Quatre asked dryly. "Duo, don't blush like that, you'll rupture something." Laning back in his chair, he sighed. "It'll almost be a reunion..."
"Almost?"
"No Trowa."
"Oh... yeah... shame, that. He might be able to shed some light on the problem. You know, in mime." Quatre frowned.
"Duo, it's his business if he doesn't like talking much."
"Sorry."
"So, when do we leave?"
"Quatre? Are you coming with us?"
"I don't see why not. Come on, let's go and ask everyone when they can leave..."/\/\/\
Well, at least it's longer. I'm debating what to do with Trowa; should I bring him in or leave him? Your choice, people.
Don't forget to review, too ^_^
By Admiral Albia
Author's note; Well, I was wrong to call it Chapter 1 and only. And this chapter WILL be longer, because I really don't like writing things that short.
Warnings; Mild 2+1. I'm not sure if I'm going to actually bring Heero into it yet, so stay tuned...
Disclaimer; I own nothing. Not even the plot. Wish I had some of those slides of Duo's though...
Chapter Two
Duo stared up at the big W on the front gates and gulped. He hadn't realised he was sending his application to Winner Corp. Oh, sure, he knew the lab did work for them, but it wasn't quite the same thing. Sighing, he picked up his bag and went to get security clearance. What were the chances he'd see Quatre anyway? It wasn't like the guy had nothing to do but sit in the labs and talk to people...
Duo coughed politely to attract the attention of conference. "Uh... I'm the new guy?"
"The... new... oh, him! Sure, sit down." Duo took the only remaining chair, and realised suddenly that there was someone in the corner of the room. Just as he opened his mouth, however, Quatre put a finger to his lips. Duo shrugged and turned back to the table.
"So, what have you tried?"
"Everything!" Someone exploded. Duo nodded.
"Have you tried spandex?"
"What?" The entire table chorused, and he sighed.
"It'd be easier if I showed you... do you have an overhead projector? Thanks." Duo grabbed a pointer and began to display some slide which he had with him. "A few years ago, I had the privilege of observing the only known user of `Spandex Space`, as it is known, in the process of using it. This -" there was a click as the slide changed "- is Heero Yuy. I'm sure you've heard of him. He piloted Wing Zero in the war." There was a succession of nods around the table. "And these -" click "- are his... legs, his legs, yes.... Heero's legs...." The assembly of scientists sat quietly for a moment before realising that their new boy wasn't really paying attention. Whether this was because of the thin line of drool trickling from his mouth, or from the way he was staring at the slide, or possibly from the way the front of his trousers looked a little fuller than before, we may never know. But whatever it was, the scientist nearest Duo reached out and snapped his fingers in front of the besotted pilots face. Duo blinked.
"Oh... yes, sorry... well, as you can see, he's wearing spandex shorts. He was always wearing spandex shorts. And yet -" click "-can you see a gun in those shorts? And do you all agree that you should be able to see a gun?" There were murmurs from the audience. "And we know he had one, because he pulled it on me at various occasions. I never could work out where it came from. But this, ladies and gentlemen, isn't the end. Oh no. I expect you'd say that maybe he could carry it just under his groin, yes?.... yes... Heero's groin.... sorry, I lost myself for a minute there. Well, aside from it being a bit tricky to pull out, where did he keep the laptop? I know I've seen Heero pull that from his pocket, or what would have been his pocket if spandex shorts had pockets. Overall, though, I was forced to conclude that he could keep practically anything in those shorts... in spandex space." Duo turned round. There was a forest of hands in the air. He picked someone at random.
"How do we know you didn't just get him to put the gun away for those photos?" Someone asked. Duo exchanged looks with Quatre, who was grinning, and rolled the slide up, revealing that Heero was drawing his gun at the time; they could see the handle, but the trigger and butt were hidden under spandex, and their outlines weren't showing.
"This is just a joke, isn't it?" Someone else said. Duo blinked.
"No, I'm perfectly serious - Quatre, stop that!" But at this last statement of Duo's, Quatre had given up, and was now rolling around on the floor laughing. The majority of the scientists looked very surprised to see him there. "I am capable of being serious, you know." This, unfortunately, only made Quatre laugh harder, though he added in between gasps that he actually thought it was a very good idea, it was just the thought of Duo being serious...
"Quatre, I'm meant to be getting acquainted with you, not talking about my nonexistent sex life."
"But we're already acquainted," Quatre pointed out, still giggling. "Um... well, do you have any idea how it works?" Duo sighed and shook his head.
"I did ask him once. He said `hn`."
"Oh."
"I don't suppose you can translate that?"
"Not really, I'm a bit out of practice with Heero-speak. Oh well, looks like we'll have to track him down and ask him. Do you have any idea where-"
"Heero and Wufei went on a three-year tour of the Oriental countries," Duo said immediately, then slammed his hand over his mouth. "Damn..."
"Not too eager, then?" Quatre asked dryly. "Duo, don't blush like that, you'll rupture something." Laning back in his chair, he sighed. "It'll almost be a reunion..."
"Almost?"
"No Trowa."
"Oh... yeah... shame, that. He might be able to shed some light on the problem. You know, in mime." Quatre frowned.
"Duo, it's his business if he doesn't like talking much."
"Sorry."
"So, when do we leave?"
"Quatre? Are you coming with us?"
"I don't see why not. Come on, let's go and ask everyone when they can leave..."
Well, at least it's longer. I'm debating what to do with Trowa; should I bring him in or leave him? Your choice, people.
Don't forget to review, too ^_^