AN: Me = poor. I own absolutely nothing of Kevin Smith's. Kevin = rich.
ChApTeR 5
Bethany was back on a train. A different train, yes, but unfortunately she was with the same people.
Across from her sat the "prophets," Jay and Silent Bob. Next to her, the former muse Serendipity.
Rufus, the Thirteenth Apostle, was in the bathroom. Bethany thought a moment...'If he's dead, then
why does he eat and...relieve himself? Don't think about it. Don't think about your situation any
more, or your head'll explode.' She laughed at herself, then took a long sip from her beer.
Jay, long blonde hair thrown back, was, once again, smoking a joint. "You know, one of these days
I might get caught for doing this in public," he said, voice raspy. He then coughed loudly, and
Bethany shook her head sadly. "What?" Jay asked, finishing his smoke. "That is some good shit. I
don't know if I've mentioned that before, but it is. Ever smoke a blunt, honey?"
"First of all, no, I try to stay away from illegal drugs, and second, don't call me honey," the Last Scion
sighed. She ran her fingers through her tousled hair. Silent Bob gave her a sympathetic look as he
lit up a cigarette. She smiled back at him. "Jay, you know, maybe you should quit. It's addictive--"
"Like chicks with huge tits?" he interrupted. Bob glared at him. You could practically see him think-
ing, 'God! What a moron!'
"No, as in you could DIE from it. And, you know, I'm pregnant now. I can't be breathing that in."
Jay thought a moment. "Yeah, okay, I see your point." He took a sip from Bethany's beer. "Then you
can't have this." He grinned devilishly as he took the bottle from her.
"Oh, my God, you're right. Jesus, how could I forget no alcohol?" Bethany slapped her forehead.
"It's late, mommy-to-be. You'd better go to bed," Serendipity suggested, flipping her long, dark hair
over one shoulder. "I'll stay here to try and make sure these two don't get into any trouble."
"Yeah, remember the last time we left them alone on a train?" Rufus said, taking Bethany's seat as she
got up. "Damn, girl, your butt sure is warm."
"That's what happens when you're still alive and sit in one place for a while. The thing you're on gets
warm." Bethany ran her fingers through her hair again. "I am going to sleep forever. Don't disturb me,
Jay." She looked directly at him.
"WHAT?" he asked again. Bob shook his head sadly, then sighed deeply. Bethany couldn't understand
how this nice, normal guy could stand to be around a guy like Jay all the time.
"Good night, all," she said as she headed toward her and Serendipity's sleeping quarters. The minute
she left the train car, a familiar figure appeared. Metatron. And he didn't look happy.
"Hey, Metty, what's up, my man?" Rufus greeted him. Not getting the upbeat response he had wished
for, the Apostle asked, "Seriously, what's up?"
"It's Bartleby. I can't help you locate him anymore." Metatron sighed, leaning against a wall.
"Why not?" Serendipity demanded.
"He has cut off his wings and is now human. The Divine Being says since now he's mortal, you
mortals have to find him on your own."
"Can you tell us where he was last?" Rufus asked.
"Central northern Nevada, by a little town called Orovada. Well, that's where he was last an angel.
Him and Tzipora might've moved on by now."
"What's up with that bitch Tzipora? Doesn't she know Bartleby's the bad guy?" Jay said, grabbing a
mint from the small bowl on the table and sucking on it. "Now, if she had known me before all this
started, she would've run to me and not that angel prick when she got scared. You see her, Bob?
Bitch was hot."
"Believe it or not, Tzipora is a kind of scion," Metatron said, taking a seat at the table across from
the others.
"What do you mean, kind of?" Rufus asked, also grabbing a mint.
"Well, Bethany is a descendant of Christ. Tzipora is a direct descendant of...Judas. And she can't
help what she is. She naturally, instinctively betrays people. I'd not hate her if I were you. She
might actually betray Bartleby."
"Who's Judas? One of the guys from Judas Priest?" Jay asked. Bob promptly hit him in the back of
the head.
"He was an Apostle, like me," Rufus answered. "That is the motherfucker who turned J.C. over to
the Romans, who then crucified him. I never could stand that guy." He shook his head. "He was
dumb as a pile of shit, too."
"Yes, we all know about your dislike of Judas. Anyway, I have to be getting back. Good luck. You're
gonna need it," Metatron said in farewell. He disappeared just as quickly as he had appeared.
"This just keep getting better and better," Serendipity muttered, leaning against Rufus. The train
sped on westward through the dark night.
ChApTeR 5
Bethany was back on a train. A different train, yes, but unfortunately she was with the same people.
Across from her sat the "prophets," Jay and Silent Bob. Next to her, the former muse Serendipity.
Rufus, the Thirteenth Apostle, was in the bathroom. Bethany thought a moment...'If he's dead, then
why does he eat and...relieve himself? Don't think about it. Don't think about your situation any
more, or your head'll explode.' She laughed at herself, then took a long sip from her beer.
Jay, long blonde hair thrown back, was, once again, smoking a joint. "You know, one of these days
I might get caught for doing this in public," he said, voice raspy. He then coughed loudly, and
Bethany shook her head sadly. "What?" Jay asked, finishing his smoke. "That is some good shit. I
don't know if I've mentioned that before, but it is. Ever smoke a blunt, honey?"
"First of all, no, I try to stay away from illegal drugs, and second, don't call me honey," the Last Scion
sighed. She ran her fingers through her tousled hair. Silent Bob gave her a sympathetic look as he
lit up a cigarette. She smiled back at him. "Jay, you know, maybe you should quit. It's addictive--"
"Like chicks with huge tits?" he interrupted. Bob glared at him. You could practically see him think-
ing, 'God! What a moron!'
"No, as in you could DIE from it. And, you know, I'm pregnant now. I can't be breathing that in."
Jay thought a moment. "Yeah, okay, I see your point." He took a sip from Bethany's beer. "Then you
can't have this." He grinned devilishly as he took the bottle from her.
"Oh, my God, you're right. Jesus, how could I forget no alcohol?" Bethany slapped her forehead.
"It's late, mommy-to-be. You'd better go to bed," Serendipity suggested, flipping her long, dark hair
over one shoulder. "I'll stay here to try and make sure these two don't get into any trouble."
"Yeah, remember the last time we left them alone on a train?" Rufus said, taking Bethany's seat as she
got up. "Damn, girl, your butt sure is warm."
"That's what happens when you're still alive and sit in one place for a while. The thing you're on gets
warm." Bethany ran her fingers through her hair again. "I am going to sleep forever. Don't disturb me,
Jay." She looked directly at him.
"WHAT?" he asked again. Bob shook his head sadly, then sighed deeply. Bethany couldn't understand
how this nice, normal guy could stand to be around a guy like Jay all the time.
"Good night, all," she said as she headed toward her and Serendipity's sleeping quarters. The minute
she left the train car, a familiar figure appeared. Metatron. And he didn't look happy.
"Hey, Metty, what's up, my man?" Rufus greeted him. Not getting the upbeat response he had wished
for, the Apostle asked, "Seriously, what's up?"
"It's Bartleby. I can't help you locate him anymore." Metatron sighed, leaning against a wall.
"Why not?" Serendipity demanded.
"He has cut off his wings and is now human. The Divine Being says since now he's mortal, you
mortals have to find him on your own."
"Can you tell us where he was last?" Rufus asked.
"Central northern Nevada, by a little town called Orovada. Well, that's where he was last an angel.
Him and Tzipora might've moved on by now."
"What's up with that bitch Tzipora? Doesn't she know Bartleby's the bad guy?" Jay said, grabbing a
mint from the small bowl on the table and sucking on it. "Now, if she had known me before all this
started, she would've run to me and not that angel prick when she got scared. You see her, Bob?
Bitch was hot."
"Believe it or not, Tzipora is a kind of scion," Metatron said, taking a seat at the table across from
the others.
"What do you mean, kind of?" Rufus asked, also grabbing a mint.
"Well, Bethany is a descendant of Christ. Tzipora is a direct descendant of...Judas. And she can't
help what she is. She naturally, instinctively betrays people. I'd not hate her if I were you. She
might actually betray Bartleby."
"Who's Judas? One of the guys from Judas Priest?" Jay asked. Bob promptly hit him in the back of
the head.
"He was an Apostle, like me," Rufus answered. "That is the motherfucker who turned J.C. over to
the Romans, who then crucified him. I never could stand that guy." He shook his head. "He was
dumb as a pile of shit, too."
"Yes, we all know about your dislike of Judas. Anyway, I have to be getting back. Good luck. You're
gonna need it," Metatron said in farewell. He disappeared just as quickly as he had appeared.
"This just keep getting better and better," Serendipity muttered, leaning against Rufus. The train
sped on westward through the dark night.