AN: I know, I'm getting as sick of these as you are. But I have to say it. I don't own any of
Kevin Smith's characters, settings, etc.
ChApTeR 6
Bartleby was horribly, wonderfully, completely drunk. He and Tzipora had finished off the bottle of
champagne, and now were halfway through their second bottle of wine. His vision was getting so
bad, he could barely see where his glass was. Tzipora was lying on the bed next to him, not even
bothering to use a glass and drinking straight out of the bottle. Bartleby noticed his glass was almost
empty, so he slurred, "Hey, Zippy, can you pour me s'more wine?"
"Sure, why not?" Tzipora answered. She climbed on top of Bartleby and filled his glass to the rim.
She then finished off the little bit remaining in the bottom of the bottle and dropped it softly to the
floor. Bartleby smiled at her.
"You know what, Tzipora? You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen," he whispered, running a
hand through her hair. "Even more beautifuller than God."
Tzipora sat up so that she was stradling his waist, and lightly hit him on the chest. "No I'm not, and
you know it. God's is way more pretty than me."
Bartleby thought for a moment, then said, "Yep, you're right. But you're still beautiful." He pulled
Tzipora back down on top of him and kissed her fiercely. She fell into the kiss, running her fingers
through his short, dark hair. They continued to kiss until Bartleby pulled away, a strange look on his
face. "Tzipora, somethin's happenin' down, um, there."
Tzipora climbed off of Bartleby and looked down, um, there. She saw his large erection poking up in his
blood and wine drenched pants. "That, B, is what us mortals like to call a boner. You use it when you
have sex. Kinda hard to have sex if you don't have a boner," she laughed, leaning over to kiss him. "Do
you know what to do?"
"No, I have no fucking idea."
"Okay, then...let's see if we get porn on the T.V. in here." Tzipora grabbed the remote and turned the
television on, quickly flipping through the channels. "Shit, just our luck, the only fuckin' motel in the
nation without porn." She turned the T.V. off and chucked the remote control across the room. "First
things first...let's get naked."
"I'm pretty sore...Think maybe you could, uh, undress me?" Bartleby asked, smirking. Tzipora thought
that smirk was irresistible.
"I can do that...But only if you help me a little..." Bartleby nodded that he would, so Tzipora started
stripping him. She pulled off his stained pants in one quick little move, and then pulled off his blood-
stained armor, along with the silky maroon shirt beneath it. "Wow. You have a really hot body," she
giggled, rolling over on the bed. "Now me, now me."
Clad only in his white boxers, though why he had worn them in the first place was a complete mystery
to him since angels were "ill-equipped," Bartleby got up and started to undress Tzipora. He carefully
pulled her blue denim jacket off, and slowly peeled her baby blue tank off. With unsteady fingers, he
unbuttoned and unzipped her denim bellbottoms and pulled them off. "Cute," he remarked, glancing
at her pink undergarments. Now that they were down to the not-quite-bare essentials, Bartleby
wondered what they were going to do next. "We're not quite naked yet."
"I know. I gots an idea," Tzipora answered him, sitting up and gently pushing him back onto his pillow.
She crawled down the bed and slowly, tantalizingly started removing his boxers with her teeth. Bartleby
moaned quietly in anticipation. 'Being human fucking kicks ASS!' he thought excitedly. When Tzipora
finished, she threw his underwear across the room. "Come on, hurry up, I wanna do this now..." she
whispered into his ear. Bartleby got the hint. He achingly sat back up and started to remove her re-
maining clothing. He got a little hooked up with her bra, but quickly figured it out. Tzipora giggled as he
traced his fingers down the sides of her torso toward her underwear. He slowly pulled those off, then
stared in wonder at her naked body. "Now just go with the flow."
"I'm gonna fuck your brains out," Bartleby said, going in. Just as he was about to show her heaven on
Earth, he passed out. Tzipora wasn't more than a few seconds behind him. They lay naked in each
other's arms until the sun rose the next morning.
Kevin Smith's characters, settings, etc.
ChApTeR 6
Bartleby was horribly, wonderfully, completely drunk. He and Tzipora had finished off the bottle of
champagne, and now were halfway through their second bottle of wine. His vision was getting so
bad, he could barely see where his glass was. Tzipora was lying on the bed next to him, not even
bothering to use a glass and drinking straight out of the bottle. Bartleby noticed his glass was almost
empty, so he slurred, "Hey, Zippy, can you pour me s'more wine?"
"Sure, why not?" Tzipora answered. She climbed on top of Bartleby and filled his glass to the rim.
She then finished off the little bit remaining in the bottom of the bottle and dropped it softly to the
floor. Bartleby smiled at her.
"You know what, Tzipora? You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen," he whispered, running a
hand through her hair. "Even more beautifuller than God."
Tzipora sat up so that she was stradling his waist, and lightly hit him on the chest. "No I'm not, and
you know it. God's is way more pretty than me."
Bartleby thought for a moment, then said, "Yep, you're right. But you're still beautiful." He pulled
Tzipora back down on top of him and kissed her fiercely. She fell into the kiss, running her fingers
through his short, dark hair. They continued to kiss until Bartleby pulled away, a strange look on his
face. "Tzipora, somethin's happenin' down, um, there."
Tzipora climbed off of Bartleby and looked down, um, there. She saw his large erection poking up in his
blood and wine drenched pants. "That, B, is what us mortals like to call a boner. You use it when you
have sex. Kinda hard to have sex if you don't have a boner," she laughed, leaning over to kiss him. "Do
you know what to do?"
"No, I have no fucking idea."
"Okay, then...let's see if we get porn on the T.V. in here." Tzipora grabbed the remote and turned the
television on, quickly flipping through the channels. "Shit, just our luck, the only fuckin' motel in the
nation without porn." She turned the T.V. off and chucked the remote control across the room. "First
things first...let's get naked."
"I'm pretty sore...Think maybe you could, uh, undress me?" Bartleby asked, smirking. Tzipora thought
that smirk was irresistible.
"I can do that...But only if you help me a little..." Bartleby nodded that he would, so Tzipora started
stripping him. She pulled off his stained pants in one quick little move, and then pulled off his blood-
stained armor, along with the silky maroon shirt beneath it. "Wow. You have a really hot body," she
giggled, rolling over on the bed. "Now me, now me."
Clad only in his white boxers, though why he had worn them in the first place was a complete mystery
to him since angels were "ill-equipped," Bartleby got up and started to undress Tzipora. He carefully
pulled her blue denim jacket off, and slowly peeled her baby blue tank off. With unsteady fingers, he
unbuttoned and unzipped her denim bellbottoms and pulled them off. "Cute," he remarked, glancing
at her pink undergarments. Now that they were down to the not-quite-bare essentials, Bartleby
wondered what they were going to do next. "We're not quite naked yet."
"I know. I gots an idea," Tzipora answered him, sitting up and gently pushing him back onto his pillow.
She crawled down the bed and slowly, tantalizingly started removing his boxers with her teeth. Bartleby
moaned quietly in anticipation. 'Being human fucking kicks ASS!' he thought excitedly. When Tzipora
finished, she threw his underwear across the room. "Come on, hurry up, I wanna do this now..." she
whispered into his ear. Bartleby got the hint. He achingly sat back up and started to remove her re-
maining clothing. He got a little hooked up with her bra, but quickly figured it out. Tzipora giggled as he
traced his fingers down the sides of her torso toward her underwear. He slowly pulled those off, then
stared in wonder at her naked body. "Now just go with the flow."
"I'm gonna fuck your brains out," Bartleby said, going in. Just as he was about to show her heaven on
Earth, he passed out. Tzipora wasn't more than a few seconds behind him. They lay naked in each
other's arms until the sun rose the next morning.