ChApTeR 14
Jay and Silent Bob met up with Bethany, Rufus, Serendipity, and Loki in Car 2, as they were heading back
to (surprise, surprise) the dining car, once again. A three-second update by Rufus informed the duo what
was about to go down so they would know what their roles would be. "Fucking security guards?" Jay
whined, adjusting his hat. "Now, what the shit is that? They get to kick some ass, and we get to stand
here like fucking retarded motherfuckers." Silent Bob gaped at Jay. "What? Oh, the swearing? Screw
that goody-two-shoes bit, it wasn't helping me get Bethany in the sack." Silent Bob sadly shook his head.
Well, this tangent had lasted longer than most.
"Just make sure no one interrupts us, all right?" Loki asked. "This is going to be a long, complicated ritual,
and I don't need anyone--"
"Including you two," Bethany interrupted.
"--barging in and making me lose my place," Loki finished.
They worked their way through the other two cars in a parade formation, Bethany and Loki marching side
by side in front, followed by Serendipity and Rufus, and taking up the rear were Jay and his hetero-lifemate,
Silent Bob. Anyone who saw them marching down the hall was quick to step out of the way. As they
entered Car 5, they found it eerily quiet. Even the noise of the wheels on the track were muted. "Room 8,
right?" Bethany asked nervously. Loki nodded. As she reached out to grab the door handle, her hand was
stopped, as if it had hit a wall. "...the Hell?"
"That's where you're going soon, foolish mortal," Azrael hissed. "You are not going to fuck this up for me.
You are not ruining my dream again." He grabbed her, spun her around and held a knife to her throat. "If
any one of you so much as blinks, the Scion gets it. I'm not joking." He pushed the blade slightly into her
skin, a thin line of red appearing soon after. None of the gang moved. They knew there would be dire
consequences if the Last Scion ceased to be. Suddenly, the door behind Azrael opened and Bartleby
stumbled out, roughly bumping into Azrael and Bethany. Azrael, thrown off balance, pulled the knife away
from Bethany long enough for her to run to her protectors. "Shit," he mumbled.
A look of drunked confusion crossed Bartleby's face. "Azrael, what in th' Hell are you doing here?" he
slurred, stumbling slightly with the gentle swaying of the train. "I though' you were in Hell."
"Why the Hell aren't you in New Jersey yet?!" Azrael screamed at him. "Why is all this still here? Why
can you never finish anything right?"
Bartleby reeled back. "Hey, hey, now, calm the fuck down. I'm gettin' there, I'm gettin' there. Oh, hey,
have you met my girlfriend? Zippy? Zippy, come on out here and meet my frien' Azrael."
"I've already met the douche bag," a soft voice said from within the compartment. Tzipora suddenly
appeared in the hallway. "Fuck," she said under her breath.
"Well, aren't you looking beautiful this afternoon," Azrael said, coming up behind her, pulling her hair
back from her neck. Bartleby stared at them, attempting to figure out what was going on; Bethany and
the others hoped to God no one would have to die besides the demon. Azrael planted a soft kiss on
her neck, then whispered in her ear, "You know, Bartleby's not as experienced as I am. He's only been
a man for a few hours. I've been one for millennia. I can show you a good time." Tzipora rolled her eyes.
"Quit hittin' on my woman, Azrael!" Bartleby shouted, slowly swinging a fist at the demon's head. Azrael
easily blocked the shot. He couldn't, however, block the bullet shot from Silent Bob's pistol.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Soon after Azrael was "dead," Rufus knocked Bartleby unconscious with a few well-aimed punches to the
head. Tzipora's hands and feet were tied and a large piece of duct tape placed over her mouth so she
couldn't interrupt the ritual. The six who were allowed into the small room took their positions while Jay
and Silent Bob took their positions outside the door as guards. "You guys have the candles?" Loki asked.
Serendipity nodded and handed them to the former angel. "Okay, I need someone at his feet, and the
other two at his hands. I'll be at his head, forming the cross." Loki then handed each of them a long, white
candle. He lit them with a lighter, and told them to hold the candles in their right hands, in front of them,
but not with arms fully outstretched.
"This seems kinda...Pagan," Bethany commented from Bartleby's left side.
"Yeah, I know. The Church stole a lot of things from the Druids and Wiccans without ever properly
thanking them." Loki took a deep breath. "Here we go...I need each of you to pour a little wax on him."
They did, and Tzipora winced a little. Hot wax hurt when it was poured on you. "Now, close your
eyes and chant these words: 'Bartleby, of Heaven and of Earth, return to your angelic form and be evil
no longer. Amen.' Got it?" They nodded. Serendipity, Rufus, and Bethany started chanting quietly
while Loki began the Latin ritual.
Azrael appeared on the seat next to Tzipora. He sighed dramatically, then moaned, "This will never do.
Oh, and stop killing me, please." He pulled the knife out again and plunged it deep within Bartleby's
chest. The candles went out and everyone seemed frozen in place. "What?" Azrael asked innocently.
"I just realized he never did anything horribly wrong as a mortal. He's going to Heaven, and by my
count, that'll destroy existence. Bye!" and with that, Azrael disappeared in a puff of smoke. Bartleby's
red human blood was seeping into the carpet.
Jay and Silent Bob met up with Bethany, Rufus, Serendipity, and Loki in Car 2, as they were heading back
to (surprise, surprise) the dining car, once again. A three-second update by Rufus informed the duo what
was about to go down so they would know what their roles would be. "Fucking security guards?" Jay
whined, adjusting his hat. "Now, what the shit is that? They get to kick some ass, and we get to stand
here like fucking retarded motherfuckers." Silent Bob gaped at Jay. "What? Oh, the swearing? Screw
that goody-two-shoes bit, it wasn't helping me get Bethany in the sack." Silent Bob sadly shook his head.
Well, this tangent had lasted longer than most.
"Just make sure no one interrupts us, all right?" Loki asked. "This is going to be a long, complicated ritual,
and I don't need anyone--"
"Including you two," Bethany interrupted.
"--barging in and making me lose my place," Loki finished.
They worked their way through the other two cars in a parade formation, Bethany and Loki marching side
by side in front, followed by Serendipity and Rufus, and taking up the rear were Jay and his hetero-lifemate,
Silent Bob. Anyone who saw them marching down the hall was quick to step out of the way. As they
entered Car 5, they found it eerily quiet. Even the noise of the wheels on the track were muted. "Room 8,
right?" Bethany asked nervously. Loki nodded. As she reached out to grab the door handle, her hand was
stopped, as if it had hit a wall. "...the Hell?"
"That's where you're going soon, foolish mortal," Azrael hissed. "You are not going to fuck this up for me.
You are not ruining my dream again." He grabbed her, spun her around and held a knife to her throat. "If
any one of you so much as blinks, the Scion gets it. I'm not joking." He pushed the blade slightly into her
skin, a thin line of red appearing soon after. None of the gang moved. They knew there would be dire
consequences if the Last Scion ceased to be. Suddenly, the door behind Azrael opened and Bartleby
stumbled out, roughly bumping into Azrael and Bethany. Azrael, thrown off balance, pulled the knife away
from Bethany long enough for her to run to her protectors. "Shit," he mumbled.
A look of drunked confusion crossed Bartleby's face. "Azrael, what in th' Hell are you doing here?" he
slurred, stumbling slightly with the gentle swaying of the train. "I though' you were in Hell."
"Why the Hell aren't you in New Jersey yet?!" Azrael screamed at him. "Why is all this still here? Why
can you never finish anything right?"
Bartleby reeled back. "Hey, hey, now, calm the fuck down. I'm gettin' there, I'm gettin' there. Oh, hey,
have you met my girlfriend? Zippy? Zippy, come on out here and meet my frien' Azrael."
"I've already met the douche bag," a soft voice said from within the compartment. Tzipora suddenly
appeared in the hallway. "Fuck," she said under her breath.
"Well, aren't you looking beautiful this afternoon," Azrael said, coming up behind her, pulling her hair
back from her neck. Bartleby stared at them, attempting to figure out what was going on; Bethany and
the others hoped to God no one would have to die besides the demon. Azrael planted a soft kiss on
her neck, then whispered in her ear, "You know, Bartleby's not as experienced as I am. He's only been
a man for a few hours. I've been one for millennia. I can show you a good time." Tzipora rolled her eyes.
"Quit hittin' on my woman, Azrael!" Bartleby shouted, slowly swinging a fist at the demon's head. Azrael
easily blocked the shot. He couldn't, however, block the bullet shot from Silent Bob's pistol.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Soon after Azrael was "dead," Rufus knocked Bartleby unconscious with a few well-aimed punches to the
head. Tzipora's hands and feet were tied and a large piece of duct tape placed over her mouth so she
couldn't interrupt the ritual. The six who were allowed into the small room took their positions while Jay
and Silent Bob took their positions outside the door as guards. "You guys have the candles?" Loki asked.
Serendipity nodded and handed them to the former angel. "Okay, I need someone at his feet, and the
other two at his hands. I'll be at his head, forming the cross." Loki then handed each of them a long, white
candle. He lit them with a lighter, and told them to hold the candles in their right hands, in front of them,
but not with arms fully outstretched.
"This seems kinda...Pagan," Bethany commented from Bartleby's left side.
"Yeah, I know. The Church stole a lot of things from the Druids and Wiccans without ever properly
thanking them." Loki took a deep breath. "Here we go...I need each of you to pour a little wax on him."
They did, and Tzipora winced a little. Hot wax hurt when it was poured on you. "Now, close your
eyes and chant these words: 'Bartleby, of Heaven and of Earth, return to your angelic form and be evil
no longer. Amen.' Got it?" They nodded. Serendipity, Rufus, and Bethany started chanting quietly
while Loki began the Latin ritual.
Azrael appeared on the seat next to Tzipora. He sighed dramatically, then moaned, "This will never do.
Oh, and stop killing me, please." He pulled the knife out again and plunged it deep within Bartleby's
chest. The candles went out and everyone seemed frozen in place. "What?" Azrael asked innocently.
"I just realized he never did anything horribly wrong as a mortal. He's going to Heaven, and by my
count, that'll destroy existence. Bye!" and with that, Azrael disappeared in a puff of smoke. Bartleby's
red human blood was seeping into the carpet.