She stumbled and fell before he could catch her, landing awkwardly,
ankle buckled under her.
"Ow. That would be major pain," she said, trying not to swear.
"You okay, pet?" he crouched down beside her, holding out his hand. She took it and he pulled her back onto her feet. She tried to walk a few steps, but nearly passed out from the pain in her ankle. This time he caught her.
"Ankle. Must have twisted it or something."
"Lean on me till we get you home." They started off, but it was obvious to him that she was tiring rapidly.
"Spike, I need to sit down for a bit, I can't use my ankle at all, and hopping's tiring."
"Well, there's nowhere to sit, pet, except the ground. And that would make getting back up again difficult…"
"But I can't…"
"Put your arms round my neck. DON'T argue. And don't wriggle."
He picked her up and carried her home. Well, patrolling was getting to be more than a little interesting these days. Though he hadn't expected to be carrying Buffy home after having accidentally twisted her ankle from simply tripping over a tree-root. He almost laughed, it seemed so idiotic. The slayer, having to be carried home by a vampire. Okay, so he was on her side. 'Inside' something whispered wickedly inside him. He banished the thought. Her ankle was rather more important at the moment. Just as well she wasn't too heavy. He glanced at her. She was clinging to him, her head bowed. He could sense her pain.
"Nearly there, love," he said comfortingly. "Soon have you home." He knew she was trying not to let him see the tears of pain that were coursing down her cheeks. He pretended not to notice.
He took her into the house, setting her down on the sofa. His fingers started pressing on the rapidly swelling ankle, a frown on his face.
"I think you should have this checked out. Just to make sure," he said to reassure her. "I can't tell what you've done to it, but no harm in checking and being over-cautious. I'll drive you to the hospital."
Everyone stared at them as he carried her inside the hospital. He didn't care. They sat down in the waiting area.
"How you doing, pet?"
"Okay." She didn't want to admit it wasn't.
"Hell of a nasty fall, slayer. Made me wince. I'd have been sobbing like a baby if that'd been me." He slung an arm round her. "I think pretty much anyone would cry." He didn't look at her, but she knew what he meant. He was giving her a let-out – to cry without looking weak. She reached out and took his free hand, holding it tightly as she let the tears out.
"It hurts so much…" she sobbed. He held her tightly.
"Hold onto me, pet," he said gently.
The sobbing subsided, but she kept a tight hold on his hand. "Sorry."
"Don't be. No one's invulnerable. Even slayers." She glanced up quickly and grimaced.
"So you've told me. I expect the others you've come across would agree."
"You know I'd never hurt you."
She laid her head on his shoulder. "I know. If you'd wanted me hurt or dead you could have left me in the woods. Some vamp would have done it for you." She felt him shudder at the thought as he held her tighter.
"Never that. Never."
"So – what makes me different from the ones you killed, then?"
He looked at her as though considering. "Well, you're far better looking, for one thing."
She rolled her eyes. "Is that all you ever think about?"
He chuckled. "No. Only every time I see you."
She pursed her lips, trying not to show that she was secretly pleased.
"Seriously. Why?"
"Well, we keep on ending up on the same side, for one thing. Then I got to know you. I liked the way you could be rebellious and cynical, yet still be funny and caring. And you're smart. And very attractive. And you're loyal." He thought of his grandsire at this. She would always love Angel, in some way. Even if she married, had children, Angel would be her first love. There would always be a place for him in her heart. In her life. He wondered if she'd ever care about him enough for that.
"Spike? Earth to Spike!" He realised he'd been staring blankly at her.
"Sorry, just thinking."
"What about?"
"Oh, just – stuff. Friendship. You know."
"Not really. Care to elaborate?"
"Just…" he didn't really know what to say. "Well – you're the best friend I've ever had. Well, you and Dawn. You know, vampires aren't noted for having bosom buddies, and all that. And. And, whatever happens, if you meet someone, get married, have children, I'd – I'd like to think we could still be friends…" he trailed off lamely.
She looked at him as if seeing him for the first time, and squeezed his hand. "You'll always be my friend, Spike. I need you around too much."
He smiled. "Thank you." He seemed subdued. They were silent for a few minutes, then he spoke again. "You know, that's the worst thing about being a vampire, for me. I never had the chance to have children…" he said sadly.
The statement surprised her. It was the last thing she'd have thought… "You'd like to have children?"
"Mm. I think it's being around Dawn so much that does it."
Buffy nearly choked. "WHAT?!"
"No, no, not like that!" He looked shocked. "No, just – well, you know, looking after her and stuff. It's – well, as though she was – I mean, I love her as though she was – well, my child. Can't help it"
"Hm, you certainly spoil her enough!" she admonished.
"I know. Little minx has me wound round her finger."
"She'd do anything for you, though. You can manage her so much better than me."
"Ah, so that's why you need to have me around," he teased. "Do you want to have children?" he asked curiously.
"Don't know, really. Not bothered at the moment." She added, "You'd have made a good father," not sure if she meant it or not. Still, where was the harm?
'So would Angel,' he thought, wondering if she'd thought the same thing. He didn't want to know. He wanted to keep the conversation going. It was rare they ever managed to sit and talk.
"Maybe with the right person?" he said.
"Mm, maybe. But the problem is, slayer duties? Kinda hard, mixing motherhood and slaying."
"I could babysit," he said hopefully. She laughed.
"Can you imagine it? 'Go stay with Uncle Spike while I go out slaying.' 'Mom, he drinks blood!' 'Yes, dear, he's a vampire. All vampires drink blood.' 'But I thought you killed vampires, mom.' 'Yes, dear, but it's not polite to kill your best fr…'" She stopped, realising what she'd been about to say. He raised a scarred eyebrow at her, surprised.
"BEST friend?"
"Well, apart from Willow," she said, trying to shrug it off.
"Really?" His voice was suddenly wistful, and she realised how much he just wanted to be loved and accepted.
"'Course."
"You – you never said…"
"Well, I didn't want you to get any more cocky than you already are."
He was far from cocky, as he replied softly "I'm flattered. Really. Means a lot…"
"Don't go mushy on me!" she commanded. She could feel tears stinging her eyes at this rare show of weakness. She wanted to hold him, reassure him. 'Must be all the talk of kids,' she thought. 'I'm getting all maternal over a vampire!' Not that he was you average vampire anyway.
"Told Xander yet? That I've supplanted him?" Back to his cocky self. She rolled her eyes.
"I wish you two could get on better!"
"He has a problem with vampires. Not going to happen."
"Mm. He had a problem with Angel, too. Never really trusted him. But really, Spike, you do bait him."
"Oh, but it's fun!" His blue eyes trying so hard to look innocent.
"Cut the innocent look, you know I don't believe you," she laughed.
"Always makes you laugh, though, pet. That's why I do it."
'Yes,' she thought, 'every time I'm hurt or upset or down. Without fail. He's the one who makes me laugh, the cheeky sod.' She nestled her head onto his shoulder. "How much longer d'you think well have to wait? Don't want to be here still by sunrise…"
"Not long." He hoped. Her hand was almost crushing his, she was holding it so tightly. He'd probably need his hand set before the evening was out. "Hurting any less?"
"A bit. Talking keeps my mind off it."
There it was – permission to carry on the conversation without getting beaten to a pulp. He was glad she wanted to keep on talking. Somehow, he felt closer to her like this than at any time before. Including her clandestine visits to his crypt. She was opening up to him, letting him see the real Buffy. 'Mind, she was probably finding out more about him,' he thought wryly. Though she seemed not to dislike what she was finding out.
"Well, then, lovely weather we're having," he said, mocking the English stereotype.
"Delightful. It always is in Sunnydale, or had you not noticed?"
"That'll be because of its geographical location," mock-wisely.
"Yeah, the fact that it's over a hellmouth." Small pause. "Just hope there's not too much action until I've got my ankle better."
"I'll patrol until it is. And I'll give you a full report afterwards." She smiled gratefully.
"You don't mind?"
"Anything for you, pet," he drawled, wondering at his own daring. She didn't object, just cuddled closer. She suddenly seemed small and fragile, almost child-like herself. He wondered fleetingly if that was part of the attraction – the look of vulnerability making him want to protect her.
"You know, there are times I forget you're a vampire," she remarked. "You're really not like any other vampires…"
"Not even Angel?" He could have kicked himself for saying it. He didn't want to be compared to his grandsire. Too late.
"No, still different. I mean, Angel's different too, because of his soul. And that's what makes him Mr. Nice Guy." 'Her love. Her hero. In a way.' "But without a soul…" she trailed off. 'Her worst nightmare…' "But you – you don't have a soul. Okay, you have a chip that stops you hurting humans, but you could still live – er, unlive – without me and the gang. But you help us. Help us to fight evil. Look after Dawn. Listen to me whining about work, and life in general. You do good things, altruistic things, and you don't have a soul, so it's not out of guilt. Is it?"
"Well, I do feel guilty sometimes – like, not saving you…"
"Don't get started on that. You did your best. Don't!" she chided.
"Okay," he smiled sheepishly. "Well, I feel guilty sometimes if things don't go according to plan. You know. But usually afterwards. It's not why I do things."
"So, why do you do it? Fight evil, help us?"
"Hm, fighting evil. Well, can't kill humans, got to get my aggression out some way…"
"And training with me doesn't do that?"
"Well, not entirely," he said, grinning. "Pent-up emotions, you know… anyway, that's how it started."
"And then?"
"Then – well, I did it to please you." She smiled to herself.
"And now?"
"Well, bit of both. And also, it's just a way of unlife. I've got used to it." The next thought surprised him. "I actually like doing it. You know, helping people. You, Dawn, the others. Even the wider public at times. Making the world a better place." He paused. "Hell, I am getting to be like Angel, aren't I?"
She smiled. "Not really. And I prefer you as you are."
"Really?"
"Oh yes. I don't think I'd like Spike-as-hero. Angel was my hero. Beautiful, noble, and untouchable – unless I wanted him to turn nasty. I couldn't go through that again…" She seemed to be thinking aloud. "You're more like – I don't know, some mafia boss maybe. Dangerous unless you're on his side, but who'd protect his own to the death…" she trailed off.
"Hm, me as a gangster? Maybe. But only if you'll be my doll!" She laughed and cuffed him playfully.
"You know what I mean. You're not either one extreme or the other – either perfectly wonderful or horrendously evil. You're – well, like most humans. More complex than that. Good and bad all mixed up. You know what I mean?"
"Mm." He couldn't ask if she was really trying to say he was better than Angel. It seemed to comfort her to talk to him about Angel. It certainly comforted him to know she didn't want him to be like his grandsire. "So, you actually like my bad side then?" he teased. 'Oh, c'mon love, admit it. You love my bad side… you like it when I'm bad…'
She looked puzzled rather than embarrassed. "In some ways, I suppose so – because I know you'd never hurt me and mine. Because you'd use that nastiness to protect us. Because I know that, under the hard edge, there's a tender heart."
He looked surprised. "You write poetry, love?"
"No – no – it just came out that way. Don't know why."
He shrugged. "Just sounded – kind of poetic."
"You still write poetry?" He thought she'd have forgotten.
"Sometimes. Not worth reading, though," he said hastily.
"Ah, William and his poetry," she said smiling. "Vampires have a lot in common with the humans they were sired from, don't they?" He nodded his assent. She smiled. "He must have been a lovely person. Truly lovely. So much of him shines through you, untarnished by evil, even after decades of corruption…"
He looked at her, barely believing what he was hearing. She looked as though she was in a trance. Maybe it was the pain. He hoped it wasn't.
She looked suddenly confused. "Buffy?"
"What - what happened?" She looked dazed, puzzled.
"You tell me. I don't know."
"I saw something. You looked different. I hardly recognised you. But it was you, I could tell from the eyes…" He didn't like the sound of that.
"Tell me what you saw," he said gently.
"He had brown hair, slightly curly. And glasses, I think. But it was you. Your eyes…" He was relieved, and kissed her forehead gently.
"That was William, not me. I bleached my hair, comb it back. And vampires don't need glasses."
"It was you, then?"
"Well - in a manner of speaking."
"Oh, so I'm not going crazy." He cuddled her closer.
"No, not crazy. You've just been delving deep into my psyche, and seeing things that are in my mind rather than yours. Partly because I wanted you to see them. I didn't know you'd actually be able to do that, though, or I might have tried to stop you."
"Why? Afraid of me knowing stuff about you? I know all the evil things you've done. Nothing could shock me now."
"It wasn't the evil things I was thinking about, actually. More – everything else. The things that make me vulnerable…"
She smiled. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone that you're really-"
"A big fluffy puppy with bad teeth?" She laughed.
"Acting tougher than you really are. You're a romantic under all that I'm-so-scary-and-bad exterior, aren't you" He glanced side-long at her, admitting it. He'd have blushed if he could.
"Yeah, just a softie. Some of the time," he added quickly. After all, he had his reputation to think about.
"I won't tell. Promise." They sat in silence for a while. "Anyway, I prefer you as a non-slayer-killing vampire," she said firmly.
"Never said I was non-slayer-killing," he pointed out. "I just said I wouldn't ever kill you." He wondered if she'd take the point.
"You'd kill another slayer?"
"There's one more I'd kill, given the chance," he said grimly.
"Faith." A statement, not a question. "Why?"
"The only thing worse than a slayer is a slayer gone bad. One who likes evil, torture, maiming, beating up. Not a quick kill." He'd never really liked the whole torture thing. "And the way she tried to mess up your life. And the lives of your friends. Tried to kill you. Tried to kill Angel…"
"I thought you hated him?"
"Resent him. Not hate him. He's my grandsire. I adored him. Respected him. Then he got souled. I hated seeing him so – well, crippled. He never found out I killed the gypsies who did it. I hated them for it. I loved him, see? I wanted revenge. Didn't make me feel any better. Then, losing his soul – stealing Dru from me…"
"You hated me for that too, though, didn't you? Blamed me for it."
"At the time. But it wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known. But you're another reason I resent him."
"Me? Why?" She realised why too late and nearly kicked herself for it.
"He got there first," he said simply. "Hell always be your first love, your hero, your dream. As he was with Dru. I'll always be second best to him. Always in his shadow. I can't be more evil than him – it just really isn't in my nature. I know, I'm impetuous, I rush at things, do things when I'm angry that I regret later. But I don't pre-meditate evil and torture…" She remembered him coming after her, intending to kill her, being unable to because she was crying. "I can't be better than him, either. Can't be more good than he is now. Can't be noble and – souled. That's what I resent. Being second best. Inadequate."
"I don't think you're inadequate."
"You're just saying that to make me feel better."
"No," she said softly. "I mean it. You're a loyal friend. You're always there when I need you…" he grinned to himself, 'you're right there, pet – any time you need me, any time you want me…' "Angel usually just turned up to warn me I was in danger – always used to worry me slightly. You know, boyfriend turns up, oh, I must be in danger again … not a good vibe. Not that I minded at the time. It's just – now, I need someone around that I can count on, who'll always be there. Someone to take away the pain…"
"Literally."
She nodded and smiled. "It's a little better. Anyway. You also make me laugh. You're intelligent and well-read, you can speak other languages…"
"Only French and Latin!" 'Oh, and the language of love…' he added mentally.
"More than me. I never was very good with languages." She went on. "Bluntly honest. And brave – you'd give your life for me without a second thought."
"Angel would have done that too."
"And you're not untouchable. Not out of reach…" 'Right again, slayer…' he thought to himself. 'I'm right here…'
"Doesn't that make me less attractive?" 'Mm, this was getting interesting…'
"Duh – that's why I creep round to your crypt for some after hours activity!" They were both surprised she'd actually admitted to it. She hadn't intended to. Even though it was true.
"So… you find me attractive then?" He was brightening up considerably.
"Do you really think I'd sleep with you if I didn't?"
"Well – it might have been – you know, just needing someone, and what with me being around the whole time…"
"No. Well. Partly. Perhaps. But I wouldn't have slept with you, even if I'd just been using you, if I hadn't found you attractive."
"So, were you using me or not?" He wasn't sure.
"Well, I thought I was. Oh, I don't know…" She wasn't sure either. And wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.
'At least she found him attractive,' he thought.
She felt she was beginning to understand him. She'd never really taken the time, made the effort, before. Now – he just seemed like a sensitive, slightly shy, very attractive man. She'd never really seen that side of him before. 'Quite a sweetie, really,' she thought. And he loved her. Devotedly. There was no doubt about that. Suddenly, she wondered what she'd done to deserve it. Somehow, the fact that he happened to be a vampire no longer entered into the equation.
"I wish I could take you into the sunlight," he said wistfully. "See the sunlight on your hair … go for picnics with you and Dawn…"
She almost made the same comment she'd made to Angel when he'd said something similar. Instead, she said, "I'm as much a creature of the night as you. That's when I do my real work. When I become my real self, the slayer. At night." She smiled. "And the night can be very beautiful. When there aren't any demons trying to kill you…"
"You like the night?"
"Mm, moonlight and starlight. Mystery and stillness. Depends. Sometimes it's kind of scary. You never know what's going to pounce on you." She grinned at him." Luckily for me, it's usually you doing the pouncing these days!"
"Oh, you think you're lucky for that, do you?"
"Way more fun than being jumped by a slimy demon who's trying to kill you," she smiled.
"Hm, remind me to pounce on you more often, then, and drag you off to my crypt for 'after hours activity'," he teased.
"When my ankle's better, perhaps…" Was it a concession? She didn't know. Part of her wanted it to be. At least, if he was going to be like this – sensitive, gentle, tender. She liked this side of him. More than was entirely comfortable. But a part of her longed just to be held and comforted by him. To let him be strong for her, just let herself be weak, let him protect her, cosset her. As though she were a child… She cuddled closer, wondering what he was thinking. He wrapped his arm closer round her, wondering the same thing.
"Hope neither of you faints at the sight of blood," said a passing nurse. "If you do, close your eyes now. Man's had a nasty accident. They're bringing him through on a stretcher now…" she handed Buffy an ice pack. "Sorry it's taking so long. There's been a bad road accident. Blood everywhere, broken bones. Shut your eyes if it's likely to upset you." The nurse wandered off. Buffy could feel Spike shaking with laughter next to her and her own mouth twitched into a smile.
"Spike, really, those poor people…" she tried to reprimand.
"Sorry, love," he said, wiping the tears from his eyes. "It's just – the idea of a vampire fainting at the sight of blood…" he started laughing again. Buffy stifled a giggle.
"She didn't know you were a vampire!" she reminded him, desperately trying to banish the smile that was lurking round her lips. His laughs subsided a little.
"I know. Still funny, though," he smirked. "Anyway, give me the ice pack." He held it to her ankle, now stretched across his knees. She was glad of it. It numbed the pain.
"Comfortable?"
"Not – entirely," she replied. "Could you – I could do with something to support my back." He wrapped his arm back round her so that she could lean against him, her head propped up on his shoulder.
"Better?" 'It was certainly better for him…'
"Mm." She'd never felt quite so aware of him as she did now, liking the feel of his arm round her. He seemed unaware of how she was feeling. She was glad of it Somehow, she just wanted to savour the feeling.
The change in her pulse gave her away, but Spike made no comment. Somehow, he just wanted to savour the feeling… her sitting in his arms, wanting to feel their closeness, somehow loving the slight tension it brought between them. Neither of them wanted to break that tension of desire. Not even by the tiniest of kisses or a single word. Buffy hardly dared to breathe. Spike closed his eyes, knowing she was wondering what it would be like with him in this mood – unexplored territory… 'slow, gentle, perfect,' he thought, imagining it too.
"Buffy Summers?" The voice broke into their thoughts. The tension was broken, the fantasy gone. Spike picked her up and carried her over to the doctor.
"Well, it's not broken," he said. "You've just strained it. Don't walk on it for a couple of days until the swelling's gone down – an ice pack will help. If necessary, take some painkillers. It'll hurt for a bit, but no harm done. Remember, don't put any weight on it for a while. Will you be all right getting her home?" He turned to Spike. "Sorry, I didn't catch your name."
"William." It was Buffy who spoke. Spike looked at her, surprised but grateful, blue eyes soft with tenderness.
"No problem. My car's out back, and she's not heavy…"
The doctor smiled at him before turning back to Buffy. "You know, you're lucky to have a friend like that."
"I know," she smiled.
"Right. Come back if it's not better in a couple of days. And don't put any weight on it," he said as he showed them out.
Spike fussed over her as he sat her in the car, wrapping a blanket round her knees.
"Spike, I'm not an invalid, it's just a strained ankle! Don't fuss!"
"Sorry…" 'anything to get you under a blanket…' he dismissed the thought rapidly.
'Nice eyes,' she thought to herself dreamily as she smiled up at him. He shut the car door carefully.
Neither of them spoke on the way home, though Spike often looked over at her to make sure she was all right. Her eyes were dreamy and she was smiling. He wanted to reach out and touch her, but was unwilling to break into her daydream. 'She's dreaming of you,' said the insistent, insidious voice inside him.' Like he hadn't worked that one out by the way she was…
Hand break on, out of gear. She sighed. They were home. As he opened the door, she held her arms up to be lifted out of the car, and he carried her inside.
"How's it feeling?"
"Still hurts."
"Where do you keep your painkillers?"
"Kitchen cupboard." He returned a few minutes later with the painkillers and a glass of water. She took them gratefully. "Thanks." He sat on the arm of the sofa, gently stroking her hair, not knowing quite what to say or do.
"I'm glad you're here," she said softly, as she stretched her legs out on the sofa. He popped a cushion under her ankle and started massaging her shoulders gently.
"Tense…" he said, fingers searching out the knots and deftly easing them away.
"Not any more," she said, letting her head fall back to rest on his thigh. "Mm, feels good."
'Bloody right it feels good…' he thought. 'But this really isn't the time, with the ankle in that state, don't want to damage it…' "Want me to pick Dawn up from Willow's? You shouldn't be on your own for too long, in case you need something.."
"No, just phone, Willow'll bring her back, then you can drive Willow home on your way back to the crypt."
"Good as done." He was a trifle disappointed she hadn't asked him to stay…
Days passed, the swelling went down. Spike patrolled, giving Buffy a detailed account every evening. Well, it gave him an excuse to see her…
"I think I'll come with you tomorrow."
"Oh no you won't, love. You're out of practice, you'll need to do some training before I let you patrol. Come and train at the crypt tomorrow, see how it goes."
"But…" she was half cross, half touched. And he was sounding just like Giles in a flap.
"C'mon, I don't want you to get hurt. It's just a safety net thing, y'know? Just to make sure you'll be okay with the real thing." She rolled her eyes.
"Okay. Crypt. Tomorrow." 'He was right'.
She went to the crypt just as the sun was setting. No sign of him. 'He can't be out' she thought. 'It's only just getting dark…'
She caught the sound of a movement behind her and whirled around. Spike in game face. She tensed, waiting for him to attack. 'So, he'd been going to see how she'd deal with an ambush, then?' He pounced, and they sparred, first one getting the other hand, then the other. The sparring went on, Buffy eventually starting to win. Then she found herself pinned to the ground. She felt a heatwave going through her, and couldn't fight back. He lowered his head as if to bite her. She closed her eyes, unable to resist.
He let her go and she looked up. Blue eyes, now. "Well, that was going fine until you let me 'bite' you, slayer," he said dryly. 'Hm, she really couldn't resist…' "Just as well I wasn't actually trying to kill you!" 'there are so many things I'd rather do to you…' whispered the voice in his mind.
She sat up, annoyed. 'How could she tell him it was just him that was the problem – that she just wanted…' She pushed the thought away. 'She'd be okay with any other vampire. Even Angel. She'd killed him once before, after all. But not Spike. She just couldn't…' She tried to ignore the suspicion that she might just be falling for him. "Mm, maybe you're right. Maybe I do need to train more before I go patrolling." 'It was the safest option for tonight to say that, anyway. Did he suspect?' She couldn't tell.
"How's the ankle?"
"Fine now, thanks. Good as new."
"Didn't hurt while we were sparring?" She shook her head.
"No, I didn't even think about it," 'just about a lot of other things.' "Completely normal."
"Drink?"
"No thanks." She was beginning to suspect he suspected, but unusually for him, he wasn't taunting her with it. Maybe she was just getting paranoid.
"More sparring?" Hell, was she tempted!
"Uh – maybe not tonight. Tomorrow?"
He gave her a lascivious grin. "Can't wait. Walk you home?"
"Mm." Actually, she'd be glad of the company.
They set out in silence. They hadn't gone far when Buffy muttered, "we're being followed."
"Yeah. Two vamps. Keep walking and hope they don't attack." She obeyed. But they did.
Spike was worrying as he fought the larger of the two vampires. 'Would Buffy be okay?' He staked the vamp and turned just in time to see her throw the other one to the ground and stake him, too. "Okay, I take it back," he remarked. "You obviously haven't lost your touch." He made no mention about the reason for what had happened earlier in the crypt. But she could see he was thinking it.
"So, I'm allowed to patrol on my own now?" she asked, trying to keep the tone light.
"Well…" he'd like to go with her… He caught her eye. "Yeah. But if you want a hand…"
"I know." 'Jeez, part of her had almost asked where! Now, interesting thought…' she banned it from her mind.
The rest of the walk home was uneventful. Spike went in to see Dawn, then returned to the crypt. Buffy decided an early night would be a good plan, but couldn't get to sleep. The suspicion that she was falling for Spike was becoming more and more of a reality. 'Maybe it was a slayer thing – falling for vampires?' she wondered. 'Angel and Spike. Same bloodline. Strange…'
She woke up, shocked, about midnight. 'Okay, she couldn't ignore her feelings for him any longer. Not after that dream. She'd have to tell him, however he might taunt her about it. This was getting crazy! It scared her, though. All the males in her life seemed to desert her – her father, Angel, Riley, even Giles, now.' She realised how afraid she was that Spike would leave her too. 'Irrational' she thought. But she knew she'd still hold back from telling him. Just in case.
When she set off to patrol that evening, she'd resolved to let him know. She loved him. Simple as that.
It was remarkably quiet. She wondered if Spike had got there first, and smiled. 'Probably.' She stalked on. Still no sign of anything.
Thoughts of Spike kept invading her mind. The feel of his arm around her. The tension there had been… She wondered for about the hundredth time what it would be like when he was in that kind of mood – gentle, tender, sensitive. A tremor ran up her spine. She wished he was there with her…
Tiny movement behind her. But before she could react, a pair of strong arms grabbed her round the waist. Heat surged through her as she wriggled round – to be confronted with a pair of blue eyes.
"So… fancy some 'after hours activity', slayer?" he teased.
"Only if it's with you, William…"
"Ow. That would be major pain," she said, trying not to swear.
"You okay, pet?" he crouched down beside her, holding out his hand. She took it and he pulled her back onto her feet. She tried to walk a few steps, but nearly passed out from the pain in her ankle. This time he caught her.
"Ankle. Must have twisted it or something."
"Lean on me till we get you home." They started off, but it was obvious to him that she was tiring rapidly.
"Spike, I need to sit down for a bit, I can't use my ankle at all, and hopping's tiring."
"Well, there's nowhere to sit, pet, except the ground. And that would make getting back up again difficult…"
"But I can't…"
"Put your arms round my neck. DON'T argue. And don't wriggle."
He picked her up and carried her home. Well, patrolling was getting to be more than a little interesting these days. Though he hadn't expected to be carrying Buffy home after having accidentally twisted her ankle from simply tripping over a tree-root. He almost laughed, it seemed so idiotic. The slayer, having to be carried home by a vampire. Okay, so he was on her side. 'Inside' something whispered wickedly inside him. He banished the thought. Her ankle was rather more important at the moment. Just as well she wasn't too heavy. He glanced at her. She was clinging to him, her head bowed. He could sense her pain.
"Nearly there, love," he said comfortingly. "Soon have you home." He knew she was trying not to let him see the tears of pain that were coursing down her cheeks. He pretended not to notice.
He took her into the house, setting her down on the sofa. His fingers started pressing on the rapidly swelling ankle, a frown on his face.
"I think you should have this checked out. Just to make sure," he said to reassure her. "I can't tell what you've done to it, but no harm in checking and being over-cautious. I'll drive you to the hospital."
Everyone stared at them as he carried her inside the hospital. He didn't care. They sat down in the waiting area.
"How you doing, pet?"
"Okay." She didn't want to admit it wasn't.
"Hell of a nasty fall, slayer. Made me wince. I'd have been sobbing like a baby if that'd been me." He slung an arm round her. "I think pretty much anyone would cry." He didn't look at her, but she knew what he meant. He was giving her a let-out – to cry without looking weak. She reached out and took his free hand, holding it tightly as she let the tears out.
"It hurts so much…" she sobbed. He held her tightly.
"Hold onto me, pet," he said gently.
The sobbing subsided, but she kept a tight hold on his hand. "Sorry."
"Don't be. No one's invulnerable. Even slayers." She glanced up quickly and grimaced.
"So you've told me. I expect the others you've come across would agree."
"You know I'd never hurt you."
She laid her head on his shoulder. "I know. If you'd wanted me hurt or dead you could have left me in the woods. Some vamp would have done it for you." She felt him shudder at the thought as he held her tighter.
"Never that. Never."
"So – what makes me different from the ones you killed, then?"
He looked at her as though considering. "Well, you're far better looking, for one thing."
She rolled her eyes. "Is that all you ever think about?"
He chuckled. "No. Only every time I see you."
She pursed her lips, trying not to show that she was secretly pleased.
"Seriously. Why?"
"Well, we keep on ending up on the same side, for one thing. Then I got to know you. I liked the way you could be rebellious and cynical, yet still be funny and caring. And you're smart. And very attractive. And you're loyal." He thought of his grandsire at this. She would always love Angel, in some way. Even if she married, had children, Angel would be her first love. There would always be a place for him in her heart. In her life. He wondered if she'd ever care about him enough for that.
"Spike? Earth to Spike!" He realised he'd been staring blankly at her.
"Sorry, just thinking."
"What about?"
"Oh, just – stuff. Friendship. You know."
"Not really. Care to elaborate?"
"Just…" he didn't really know what to say. "Well – you're the best friend I've ever had. Well, you and Dawn. You know, vampires aren't noted for having bosom buddies, and all that. And. And, whatever happens, if you meet someone, get married, have children, I'd – I'd like to think we could still be friends…" he trailed off lamely.
She looked at him as if seeing him for the first time, and squeezed his hand. "You'll always be my friend, Spike. I need you around too much."
He smiled. "Thank you." He seemed subdued. They were silent for a few minutes, then he spoke again. "You know, that's the worst thing about being a vampire, for me. I never had the chance to have children…" he said sadly.
The statement surprised her. It was the last thing she'd have thought… "You'd like to have children?"
"Mm. I think it's being around Dawn so much that does it."
Buffy nearly choked. "WHAT?!"
"No, no, not like that!" He looked shocked. "No, just – well, you know, looking after her and stuff. It's – well, as though she was – I mean, I love her as though she was – well, my child. Can't help it"
"Hm, you certainly spoil her enough!" she admonished.
"I know. Little minx has me wound round her finger."
"She'd do anything for you, though. You can manage her so much better than me."
"Ah, so that's why you need to have me around," he teased. "Do you want to have children?" he asked curiously.
"Don't know, really. Not bothered at the moment." She added, "You'd have made a good father," not sure if she meant it or not. Still, where was the harm?
'So would Angel,' he thought, wondering if she'd thought the same thing. He didn't want to know. He wanted to keep the conversation going. It was rare they ever managed to sit and talk.
"Maybe with the right person?" he said.
"Mm, maybe. But the problem is, slayer duties? Kinda hard, mixing motherhood and slaying."
"I could babysit," he said hopefully. She laughed.
"Can you imagine it? 'Go stay with Uncle Spike while I go out slaying.' 'Mom, he drinks blood!' 'Yes, dear, he's a vampire. All vampires drink blood.' 'But I thought you killed vampires, mom.' 'Yes, dear, but it's not polite to kill your best fr…'" She stopped, realising what she'd been about to say. He raised a scarred eyebrow at her, surprised.
"BEST friend?"
"Well, apart from Willow," she said, trying to shrug it off.
"Really?" His voice was suddenly wistful, and she realised how much he just wanted to be loved and accepted.
"'Course."
"You – you never said…"
"Well, I didn't want you to get any more cocky than you already are."
He was far from cocky, as he replied softly "I'm flattered. Really. Means a lot…"
"Don't go mushy on me!" she commanded. She could feel tears stinging her eyes at this rare show of weakness. She wanted to hold him, reassure him. 'Must be all the talk of kids,' she thought. 'I'm getting all maternal over a vampire!' Not that he was you average vampire anyway.
"Told Xander yet? That I've supplanted him?" Back to his cocky self. She rolled her eyes.
"I wish you two could get on better!"
"He has a problem with vampires. Not going to happen."
"Mm. He had a problem with Angel, too. Never really trusted him. But really, Spike, you do bait him."
"Oh, but it's fun!" His blue eyes trying so hard to look innocent.
"Cut the innocent look, you know I don't believe you," she laughed.
"Always makes you laugh, though, pet. That's why I do it."
'Yes,' she thought, 'every time I'm hurt or upset or down. Without fail. He's the one who makes me laugh, the cheeky sod.' She nestled her head onto his shoulder. "How much longer d'you think well have to wait? Don't want to be here still by sunrise…"
"Not long." He hoped. Her hand was almost crushing his, she was holding it so tightly. He'd probably need his hand set before the evening was out. "Hurting any less?"
"A bit. Talking keeps my mind off it."
There it was – permission to carry on the conversation without getting beaten to a pulp. He was glad she wanted to keep on talking. Somehow, he felt closer to her like this than at any time before. Including her clandestine visits to his crypt. She was opening up to him, letting him see the real Buffy. 'Mind, she was probably finding out more about him,' he thought wryly. Though she seemed not to dislike what she was finding out.
"Well, then, lovely weather we're having," he said, mocking the English stereotype.
"Delightful. It always is in Sunnydale, or had you not noticed?"
"That'll be because of its geographical location," mock-wisely.
"Yeah, the fact that it's over a hellmouth." Small pause. "Just hope there's not too much action until I've got my ankle better."
"I'll patrol until it is. And I'll give you a full report afterwards." She smiled gratefully.
"You don't mind?"
"Anything for you, pet," he drawled, wondering at his own daring. She didn't object, just cuddled closer. She suddenly seemed small and fragile, almost child-like herself. He wondered fleetingly if that was part of the attraction – the look of vulnerability making him want to protect her.
"You know, there are times I forget you're a vampire," she remarked. "You're really not like any other vampires…"
"Not even Angel?" He could have kicked himself for saying it. He didn't want to be compared to his grandsire. Too late.
"No, still different. I mean, Angel's different too, because of his soul. And that's what makes him Mr. Nice Guy." 'Her love. Her hero. In a way.' "But without a soul…" she trailed off. 'Her worst nightmare…' "But you – you don't have a soul. Okay, you have a chip that stops you hurting humans, but you could still live – er, unlive – without me and the gang. But you help us. Help us to fight evil. Look after Dawn. Listen to me whining about work, and life in general. You do good things, altruistic things, and you don't have a soul, so it's not out of guilt. Is it?"
"Well, I do feel guilty sometimes – like, not saving you…"
"Don't get started on that. You did your best. Don't!" she chided.
"Okay," he smiled sheepishly. "Well, I feel guilty sometimes if things don't go according to plan. You know. But usually afterwards. It's not why I do things."
"So, why do you do it? Fight evil, help us?"
"Hm, fighting evil. Well, can't kill humans, got to get my aggression out some way…"
"And training with me doesn't do that?"
"Well, not entirely," he said, grinning. "Pent-up emotions, you know… anyway, that's how it started."
"And then?"
"Then – well, I did it to please you." She smiled to herself.
"And now?"
"Well, bit of both. And also, it's just a way of unlife. I've got used to it." The next thought surprised him. "I actually like doing it. You know, helping people. You, Dawn, the others. Even the wider public at times. Making the world a better place." He paused. "Hell, I am getting to be like Angel, aren't I?"
She smiled. "Not really. And I prefer you as you are."
"Really?"
"Oh yes. I don't think I'd like Spike-as-hero. Angel was my hero. Beautiful, noble, and untouchable – unless I wanted him to turn nasty. I couldn't go through that again…" She seemed to be thinking aloud. "You're more like – I don't know, some mafia boss maybe. Dangerous unless you're on his side, but who'd protect his own to the death…" she trailed off.
"Hm, me as a gangster? Maybe. But only if you'll be my doll!" She laughed and cuffed him playfully.
"You know what I mean. You're not either one extreme or the other – either perfectly wonderful or horrendously evil. You're – well, like most humans. More complex than that. Good and bad all mixed up. You know what I mean?"
"Mm." He couldn't ask if she was really trying to say he was better than Angel. It seemed to comfort her to talk to him about Angel. It certainly comforted him to know she didn't want him to be like his grandsire. "So, you actually like my bad side then?" he teased. 'Oh, c'mon love, admit it. You love my bad side… you like it when I'm bad…'
She looked puzzled rather than embarrassed. "In some ways, I suppose so – because I know you'd never hurt me and mine. Because you'd use that nastiness to protect us. Because I know that, under the hard edge, there's a tender heart."
He looked surprised. "You write poetry, love?"
"No – no – it just came out that way. Don't know why."
He shrugged. "Just sounded – kind of poetic."
"You still write poetry?" He thought she'd have forgotten.
"Sometimes. Not worth reading, though," he said hastily.
"Ah, William and his poetry," she said smiling. "Vampires have a lot in common with the humans they were sired from, don't they?" He nodded his assent. She smiled. "He must have been a lovely person. Truly lovely. So much of him shines through you, untarnished by evil, even after decades of corruption…"
He looked at her, barely believing what he was hearing. She looked as though she was in a trance. Maybe it was the pain. He hoped it wasn't.
She looked suddenly confused. "Buffy?"
"What - what happened?" She looked dazed, puzzled.
"You tell me. I don't know."
"I saw something. You looked different. I hardly recognised you. But it was you, I could tell from the eyes…" He didn't like the sound of that.
"Tell me what you saw," he said gently.
"He had brown hair, slightly curly. And glasses, I think. But it was you. Your eyes…" He was relieved, and kissed her forehead gently.
"That was William, not me. I bleached my hair, comb it back. And vampires don't need glasses."
"It was you, then?"
"Well - in a manner of speaking."
"Oh, so I'm not going crazy." He cuddled her closer.
"No, not crazy. You've just been delving deep into my psyche, and seeing things that are in my mind rather than yours. Partly because I wanted you to see them. I didn't know you'd actually be able to do that, though, or I might have tried to stop you."
"Why? Afraid of me knowing stuff about you? I know all the evil things you've done. Nothing could shock me now."
"It wasn't the evil things I was thinking about, actually. More – everything else. The things that make me vulnerable…"
She smiled. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone that you're really-"
"A big fluffy puppy with bad teeth?" She laughed.
"Acting tougher than you really are. You're a romantic under all that I'm-so-scary-and-bad exterior, aren't you" He glanced side-long at her, admitting it. He'd have blushed if he could.
"Yeah, just a softie. Some of the time," he added quickly. After all, he had his reputation to think about.
"I won't tell. Promise." They sat in silence for a while. "Anyway, I prefer you as a non-slayer-killing vampire," she said firmly.
"Never said I was non-slayer-killing," he pointed out. "I just said I wouldn't ever kill you." He wondered if she'd take the point.
"You'd kill another slayer?"
"There's one more I'd kill, given the chance," he said grimly.
"Faith." A statement, not a question. "Why?"
"The only thing worse than a slayer is a slayer gone bad. One who likes evil, torture, maiming, beating up. Not a quick kill." He'd never really liked the whole torture thing. "And the way she tried to mess up your life. And the lives of your friends. Tried to kill you. Tried to kill Angel…"
"I thought you hated him?"
"Resent him. Not hate him. He's my grandsire. I adored him. Respected him. Then he got souled. I hated seeing him so – well, crippled. He never found out I killed the gypsies who did it. I hated them for it. I loved him, see? I wanted revenge. Didn't make me feel any better. Then, losing his soul – stealing Dru from me…"
"You hated me for that too, though, didn't you? Blamed me for it."
"At the time. But it wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known. But you're another reason I resent him."
"Me? Why?" She realised why too late and nearly kicked herself for it.
"He got there first," he said simply. "Hell always be your first love, your hero, your dream. As he was with Dru. I'll always be second best to him. Always in his shadow. I can't be more evil than him – it just really isn't in my nature. I know, I'm impetuous, I rush at things, do things when I'm angry that I regret later. But I don't pre-meditate evil and torture…" She remembered him coming after her, intending to kill her, being unable to because she was crying. "I can't be better than him, either. Can't be more good than he is now. Can't be noble and – souled. That's what I resent. Being second best. Inadequate."
"I don't think you're inadequate."
"You're just saying that to make me feel better."
"No," she said softly. "I mean it. You're a loyal friend. You're always there when I need you…" he grinned to himself, 'you're right there, pet – any time you need me, any time you want me…' "Angel usually just turned up to warn me I was in danger – always used to worry me slightly. You know, boyfriend turns up, oh, I must be in danger again … not a good vibe. Not that I minded at the time. It's just – now, I need someone around that I can count on, who'll always be there. Someone to take away the pain…"
"Literally."
She nodded and smiled. "It's a little better. Anyway. You also make me laugh. You're intelligent and well-read, you can speak other languages…"
"Only French and Latin!" 'Oh, and the language of love…' he added mentally.
"More than me. I never was very good with languages." She went on. "Bluntly honest. And brave – you'd give your life for me without a second thought."
"Angel would have done that too."
"And you're not untouchable. Not out of reach…" 'Right again, slayer…' he thought to himself. 'I'm right here…'
"Doesn't that make me less attractive?" 'Mm, this was getting interesting…'
"Duh – that's why I creep round to your crypt for some after hours activity!" They were both surprised she'd actually admitted to it. She hadn't intended to. Even though it was true.
"So… you find me attractive then?" He was brightening up considerably.
"Do you really think I'd sleep with you if I didn't?"
"Well – it might have been – you know, just needing someone, and what with me being around the whole time…"
"No. Well. Partly. Perhaps. But I wouldn't have slept with you, even if I'd just been using you, if I hadn't found you attractive."
"So, were you using me or not?" He wasn't sure.
"Well, I thought I was. Oh, I don't know…" She wasn't sure either. And wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.
'At least she found him attractive,' he thought.
She felt she was beginning to understand him. She'd never really taken the time, made the effort, before. Now – he just seemed like a sensitive, slightly shy, very attractive man. She'd never really seen that side of him before. 'Quite a sweetie, really,' she thought. And he loved her. Devotedly. There was no doubt about that. Suddenly, she wondered what she'd done to deserve it. Somehow, the fact that he happened to be a vampire no longer entered into the equation.
"I wish I could take you into the sunlight," he said wistfully. "See the sunlight on your hair … go for picnics with you and Dawn…"
She almost made the same comment she'd made to Angel when he'd said something similar. Instead, she said, "I'm as much a creature of the night as you. That's when I do my real work. When I become my real self, the slayer. At night." She smiled. "And the night can be very beautiful. When there aren't any demons trying to kill you…"
"You like the night?"
"Mm, moonlight and starlight. Mystery and stillness. Depends. Sometimes it's kind of scary. You never know what's going to pounce on you." She grinned at him." Luckily for me, it's usually you doing the pouncing these days!"
"Oh, you think you're lucky for that, do you?"
"Way more fun than being jumped by a slimy demon who's trying to kill you," she smiled.
"Hm, remind me to pounce on you more often, then, and drag you off to my crypt for 'after hours activity'," he teased.
"When my ankle's better, perhaps…" Was it a concession? She didn't know. Part of her wanted it to be. At least, if he was going to be like this – sensitive, gentle, tender. She liked this side of him. More than was entirely comfortable. But a part of her longed just to be held and comforted by him. To let him be strong for her, just let herself be weak, let him protect her, cosset her. As though she were a child… She cuddled closer, wondering what he was thinking. He wrapped his arm closer round her, wondering the same thing.
"Hope neither of you faints at the sight of blood," said a passing nurse. "If you do, close your eyes now. Man's had a nasty accident. They're bringing him through on a stretcher now…" she handed Buffy an ice pack. "Sorry it's taking so long. There's been a bad road accident. Blood everywhere, broken bones. Shut your eyes if it's likely to upset you." The nurse wandered off. Buffy could feel Spike shaking with laughter next to her and her own mouth twitched into a smile.
"Spike, really, those poor people…" she tried to reprimand.
"Sorry, love," he said, wiping the tears from his eyes. "It's just – the idea of a vampire fainting at the sight of blood…" he started laughing again. Buffy stifled a giggle.
"She didn't know you were a vampire!" she reminded him, desperately trying to banish the smile that was lurking round her lips. His laughs subsided a little.
"I know. Still funny, though," he smirked. "Anyway, give me the ice pack." He held it to her ankle, now stretched across his knees. She was glad of it. It numbed the pain.
"Comfortable?"
"Not – entirely," she replied. "Could you – I could do with something to support my back." He wrapped his arm back round her so that she could lean against him, her head propped up on his shoulder.
"Better?" 'It was certainly better for him…'
"Mm." She'd never felt quite so aware of him as she did now, liking the feel of his arm round her. He seemed unaware of how she was feeling. She was glad of it Somehow, she just wanted to savour the feeling.
The change in her pulse gave her away, but Spike made no comment. Somehow, he just wanted to savour the feeling… her sitting in his arms, wanting to feel their closeness, somehow loving the slight tension it brought between them. Neither of them wanted to break that tension of desire. Not even by the tiniest of kisses or a single word. Buffy hardly dared to breathe. Spike closed his eyes, knowing she was wondering what it would be like with him in this mood – unexplored territory… 'slow, gentle, perfect,' he thought, imagining it too.
"Buffy Summers?" The voice broke into their thoughts. The tension was broken, the fantasy gone. Spike picked her up and carried her over to the doctor.
"Well, it's not broken," he said. "You've just strained it. Don't walk on it for a couple of days until the swelling's gone down – an ice pack will help. If necessary, take some painkillers. It'll hurt for a bit, but no harm done. Remember, don't put any weight on it for a while. Will you be all right getting her home?" He turned to Spike. "Sorry, I didn't catch your name."
"William." It was Buffy who spoke. Spike looked at her, surprised but grateful, blue eyes soft with tenderness.
"No problem. My car's out back, and she's not heavy…"
The doctor smiled at him before turning back to Buffy. "You know, you're lucky to have a friend like that."
"I know," she smiled.
"Right. Come back if it's not better in a couple of days. And don't put any weight on it," he said as he showed them out.
Spike fussed over her as he sat her in the car, wrapping a blanket round her knees.
"Spike, I'm not an invalid, it's just a strained ankle! Don't fuss!"
"Sorry…" 'anything to get you under a blanket…' he dismissed the thought rapidly.
'Nice eyes,' she thought to herself dreamily as she smiled up at him. He shut the car door carefully.
Neither of them spoke on the way home, though Spike often looked over at her to make sure she was all right. Her eyes were dreamy and she was smiling. He wanted to reach out and touch her, but was unwilling to break into her daydream. 'She's dreaming of you,' said the insistent, insidious voice inside him.' Like he hadn't worked that one out by the way she was…
Hand break on, out of gear. She sighed. They were home. As he opened the door, she held her arms up to be lifted out of the car, and he carried her inside.
"How's it feeling?"
"Still hurts."
"Where do you keep your painkillers?"
"Kitchen cupboard." He returned a few minutes later with the painkillers and a glass of water. She took them gratefully. "Thanks." He sat on the arm of the sofa, gently stroking her hair, not knowing quite what to say or do.
"I'm glad you're here," she said softly, as she stretched her legs out on the sofa. He popped a cushion under her ankle and started massaging her shoulders gently.
"Tense…" he said, fingers searching out the knots and deftly easing them away.
"Not any more," she said, letting her head fall back to rest on his thigh. "Mm, feels good."
'Bloody right it feels good…' he thought. 'But this really isn't the time, with the ankle in that state, don't want to damage it…' "Want me to pick Dawn up from Willow's? You shouldn't be on your own for too long, in case you need something.."
"No, just phone, Willow'll bring her back, then you can drive Willow home on your way back to the crypt."
"Good as done." He was a trifle disappointed she hadn't asked him to stay…
Days passed, the swelling went down. Spike patrolled, giving Buffy a detailed account every evening. Well, it gave him an excuse to see her…
"I think I'll come with you tomorrow."
"Oh no you won't, love. You're out of practice, you'll need to do some training before I let you patrol. Come and train at the crypt tomorrow, see how it goes."
"But…" she was half cross, half touched. And he was sounding just like Giles in a flap.
"C'mon, I don't want you to get hurt. It's just a safety net thing, y'know? Just to make sure you'll be okay with the real thing." She rolled her eyes.
"Okay. Crypt. Tomorrow." 'He was right'.
She went to the crypt just as the sun was setting. No sign of him. 'He can't be out' she thought. 'It's only just getting dark…'
She caught the sound of a movement behind her and whirled around. Spike in game face. She tensed, waiting for him to attack. 'So, he'd been going to see how she'd deal with an ambush, then?' He pounced, and they sparred, first one getting the other hand, then the other. The sparring went on, Buffy eventually starting to win. Then she found herself pinned to the ground. She felt a heatwave going through her, and couldn't fight back. He lowered his head as if to bite her. She closed her eyes, unable to resist.
He let her go and she looked up. Blue eyes, now. "Well, that was going fine until you let me 'bite' you, slayer," he said dryly. 'Hm, she really couldn't resist…' "Just as well I wasn't actually trying to kill you!" 'there are so many things I'd rather do to you…' whispered the voice in his mind.
She sat up, annoyed. 'How could she tell him it was just him that was the problem – that she just wanted…' She pushed the thought away. 'She'd be okay with any other vampire. Even Angel. She'd killed him once before, after all. But not Spike. She just couldn't…' She tried to ignore the suspicion that she might just be falling for him. "Mm, maybe you're right. Maybe I do need to train more before I go patrolling." 'It was the safest option for tonight to say that, anyway. Did he suspect?' She couldn't tell.
"How's the ankle?"
"Fine now, thanks. Good as new."
"Didn't hurt while we were sparring?" She shook her head.
"No, I didn't even think about it," 'just about a lot of other things.' "Completely normal."
"Drink?"
"No thanks." She was beginning to suspect he suspected, but unusually for him, he wasn't taunting her with it. Maybe she was just getting paranoid.
"More sparring?" Hell, was she tempted!
"Uh – maybe not tonight. Tomorrow?"
He gave her a lascivious grin. "Can't wait. Walk you home?"
"Mm." Actually, she'd be glad of the company.
They set out in silence. They hadn't gone far when Buffy muttered, "we're being followed."
"Yeah. Two vamps. Keep walking and hope they don't attack." She obeyed. But they did.
Spike was worrying as he fought the larger of the two vampires. 'Would Buffy be okay?' He staked the vamp and turned just in time to see her throw the other one to the ground and stake him, too. "Okay, I take it back," he remarked. "You obviously haven't lost your touch." He made no mention about the reason for what had happened earlier in the crypt. But she could see he was thinking it.
"So, I'm allowed to patrol on my own now?" she asked, trying to keep the tone light.
"Well…" he'd like to go with her… He caught her eye. "Yeah. But if you want a hand…"
"I know." 'Jeez, part of her had almost asked where! Now, interesting thought…' she banned it from her mind.
The rest of the walk home was uneventful. Spike went in to see Dawn, then returned to the crypt. Buffy decided an early night would be a good plan, but couldn't get to sleep. The suspicion that she was falling for Spike was becoming more and more of a reality. 'Maybe it was a slayer thing – falling for vampires?' she wondered. 'Angel and Spike. Same bloodline. Strange…'
She woke up, shocked, about midnight. 'Okay, she couldn't ignore her feelings for him any longer. Not after that dream. She'd have to tell him, however he might taunt her about it. This was getting crazy! It scared her, though. All the males in her life seemed to desert her – her father, Angel, Riley, even Giles, now.' She realised how afraid she was that Spike would leave her too. 'Irrational' she thought. But she knew she'd still hold back from telling him. Just in case.
When she set off to patrol that evening, she'd resolved to let him know. She loved him. Simple as that.
It was remarkably quiet. She wondered if Spike had got there first, and smiled. 'Probably.' She stalked on. Still no sign of anything.
Thoughts of Spike kept invading her mind. The feel of his arm around her. The tension there had been… She wondered for about the hundredth time what it would be like when he was in that kind of mood – gentle, tender, sensitive. A tremor ran up her spine. She wished he was there with her…
Tiny movement behind her. But before she could react, a pair of strong arms grabbed her round the waist. Heat surged through her as she wriggled round – to be confronted with a pair of blue eyes.
"So… fancy some 'after hours activity', slayer?" he teased.
"Only if it's with you, William…"