1212 - TOW the Soap Opera Channel
It had been a month since Ross found out that he was going to Arizona. He, Rachel, Hannah, the boys, and the twins were in Arizona, living in a small house close to the Grand Canyon. Hannah was now exactly forty-five months old. She'd be four in a few months and she was really excited about that! Thomas, Caleb and Jonah were well on their way to the terrible two's at eighteen months old. And the five-month-old twins, Amber and Cheyenne were a cute as ever.
Ross and Rachel had been spending less time together since his job began, but Rachel filled her days by watching the Soap Opera Channel, which was now becoming an obsession. You could probably sit down and ask her to trace the lineage of every family on every soap opera and she could tell you!
Ross walked through the door with a frown on his face. He sighed and looked at Rachel, who was sitting on the couch watching Days of Our Lives and feeding Amber her bottle. Cheyenne was sitting up by herself on the floor and Thomas, Caleb, Jacob, and Hannah were running around the house playing tag.
Ross: Hey Rachel.
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: Honey? I'm home.
Rachel: I know.
Ross sighed and turned off the television.
Rachel: Hey!
Ross: Honey, look at me!
Rachel looked over at her husband who looked really depressed.
Rachel: Oh, honey, what's wrong?
Ross: We're moving back to New York.
Rachel gasped and looked at Ross with bulging eyes. She walked over to him with Amber in her arms and hugged him.
*~*
Phoebe was sitting with her newly two-year-old son. His birthday party had been that morning and Phoebe and Joey were cleaning up after it. Five-month-olds Brandon and Courtney were sitting in their swings, watching their parents and big brother.
Phoebe: Hey, this place is almost cleaned up. I'm taking Draven over to see Katie and Valerie.
Joey: Okay. I'll watch the girls.
Phoebe walks out of the apartment and down the hall to Ross and Rachel's apartment. She opened the door to see Katie running around, chasing after her naked fifteen-month-old daughter.
Katie: Come on Val! You need a bath!
Phoebe: Having problems?
Katie: God! This kid won't let me give her a bath!
Phoebe: Oh, she's not even in her terrible two's yet! Now . . .Draven has just hit his and he just turned two!
Phoebe looked over at Draven who was now jumping on the couch with a devilish grin on his face.
Phoebe: Oh God . . .help me!
Katie: Well, I guess that once I move back out to California, I can get a bigger place and she won't feel so closed in.
Phoebe: What do you mean? You're going back?
Katie: Well, I can't stay here forever.
*~*
Chandler and Monica were sitting in their bedroom with their kids. The kids had been bugging them all afternoon about letting them get a pet. Well, five-month-olds Jessie and Casey didn't have much to say about it, but thirty-three-month olds Ally and Alex had plenty to say!
Alex: I want a dog!
Ally: I want a pony!
Alex: Dog!
Ally: Pony!
Alex: No! Doggy!
Ally: Eew! No! Pony!
Chandler: Hey! We're not getting a dog or a pony!
Alex: But . . .
Monica: No buts sweetie . . .I agree with daddy.
Ally: But . . .
Chandler: That goes for you too!
Ally and Alex both pouted and crossed their arms. They stomped out of the room together and Monica and Chandler looked at each other and laughed.
Monica: Oh the joys of parenthood!
Chandler: Maybe we should let them get a pet. A small one.
Monica: No! Pets take a lot of work, they smell, and it takes most of your day just to clean up after them!
Chandler: A bird?
Monica: No . . .I don't want poop all over my wall!
Chandler: Well . . . how about a cat?
Monica: Are you serious? Cat hair all over my apartment? I don't think so.
Chandler: How about a fish?
Monica: Well . . .I guess that could work . . .you don't have to clean the tank too much . . .I guess we can get them a fish.
*~*
Rachel pulled back from Ross and smiled widely at him.
Rachel: We're really going back? So soon? It was supposed to be like a year wasn't it?
Ross: Yeah, but, the excavation got cancelled and we have to go back now.
Rachel: Oh . . .well, you've still got your job at the museum and teaching and everything . . .
Ross: That's true.
Rachel: And you've still got me . . .and the kids.
Ross: I know . . .
Rachel: Oh no!
Ross: What is it?!
Rachel: I'm missing Days of Our Lives!
Rachel ran back over to her chair with the baby and sat down, turned on the TV and continued to feed her daughter as she watched one of her favorite soaps.
Ross just sighed and shook his head. He walked into the kitchen and pulled a cold beer out of the fridge. He took a drink and sat down at the table. His dream had just went down the drain. Well, at least the one dream of his big break, but his other dream was still in full swing. He still had his family.
*~*
Phoebe and Katie were sitting in Monica and Chandler's apartment with Joey and Monica know. Chandler was out buying a goldfish for Ally and Alex. Valerie and Draven were running around with Ally and Alex. Courtney, Brandon, Jessie, and Casey were all lying on the floor rolling over onto their tummies, and looking at each other.
Monica: Katie, what is this I heard from Phoebe about you moving back to California?
Katie: Mom, you know I'm going to move back. Not yet, but someday. I'm just not ready to go back. When I'm ready, I will.
Monica: But . . .you can stay here.
Katie: Mom, I'm doing fine! I'm single and sixteen with a daughter! I'm working at Central Perk and I've got money from the movies. Things are okay for me.
Monica: What if Ross and Rachel decide to move back?
Katie: Well, I'll just move back out. It's as simple as that. I can afford my own apartment.
Monica: Well, you seem to have things planned out really well.
Katie: I do mom. I've grown up a lot.
*~*
Ross and Rachel were packing for the trip back to New York. Rachel had ever television in the house on so she wouldn't miss a second of the Soap Opera Channel. Ross thought it was getting ridiculous. But, he didn't dare say anything for awhile.
Rachel: God, I love this show. But, Dr. Drake isn't on there!
Ross: Didn't you hear that he fell down another elevator shaft?
Rachel: No! Oh my God!
Ross: Rachel, I'm just kidding!
Rachel: God! Don't do that to me! I almost had a heart attack!
Ross: Rachel, I think that . . .
Rachel: What?
Ross swallowed nervously.
Ross: Um . . .I think you're addicted.
Rachel: No I'm not!
Ross: Ah hah! Denial!
Rachel: Ross! I just like soap operas! Is that a crime?
Ross: I think it is when you watch it 24 hours a day!
Rachel: Fine! I'll turn it off!
Rachel reached over and flipped the television off. That didn't seem to phase Ross a bit.
Rachel: Happy?
Ross: There are three more TV's in this house.
Rachel: You don't miss a beat do you?!
*~*
That evening, Monica was sitting on the couch with Ally and Alex. The twins were asleep and Chandler was just getting home. He had a fish tank under one arm and a bag with a goldfish in it in the other. Ally and Alex jumped up and down.
Ally/Alex: Yay! A fish! We get a fish!
Monica: You have to help us take care of him though. He's gonna need fed every day and his tank will have to be cleaned.
Chandler: And the floor will need swept, the windows cleaned, and the food cooked.
Monica laughed as Chandler filled up the tank with water and put the fish in there.
Ally and Alex laughed as they watched the fish swim round and round in the tank.
Monica: Now that they're entertained for a while . . .
Chandler: We can have S-E-X?
Monica: No!
Chandler: Why not?
Monica: Chandler!
Monica kissed him and went over to the stove. She put a pan full of water on and started to boil it. Chandler walked over behind her and put his arms around her waist. He kissed her neck and she smiled.
Chandler: This parenting thing isn't hard at all.
Monica: Right . . .you must be forgetting about the first few months Ally and Alex were home.
Chandler: Well, it's fun and easy now.
Monica: I know . . .it's not really tough yet. Just wait thought. Soon we'll have four running children. Jessie and Casey are five months old. They're going to be crawling soon!
While Chandler and Monica weren't looking, Ally stuck her hand in the fish tank.
Ally: Too small for fishy! Needs a bigger bowl!
Ally and Alex ran into the bathroom and put the fish in the toilet.
Alex: Yay!
Ally: Fishy want to swim?
Ally flushed the toilet and watched as the goldfish was sucked down the toilet. They heard their parents running into the bathroom and Ally began to cry. Alex started in and Ally was screaming.
Ally: Fishy come back! Come back!
Monica and Chandler saw their children in the bathroom, crying tears of sorrow. Monica picked up Ally and Chandler got Alex.
Monica: Oh sweetie, it's okay.
Ally: Fishy go bye-bye!
Alex: No more fishy!
Chandler: Maybe a fish wasn't such a great idea.
Monica: You think?!
Chandler: Come on kids, don't cry. We'll get you another . . .
Monica: No we won't! Not until they are old enough!
*~*
After the kids were settled down, fed, bathed, and put to bed, Monica and Chandler sat in the living room, leaning against each other on the couch.
Monica: Not so tough, huh?
Chandler: This bites! We buy a fish and it's dead before we even name it!
Monica: They're kids, they don't know any better.
Chandler: I know . . .
Monica: Maybe when they're oh . . . say ten or eleven, maybe then we can get a pet.
Chandler: A real pet? Not one that bores you to sleep by swimming around and pooping and eating?
Monica: Okay.
Chandler laughed and he and Monica continued to sit on the couch.
*~*
On the plane, Rachel looked at all of the kids who slept in separate seats in first class. They were sleeping happily and Ross was fast asleep too in the first-class seat next to Rachel. Rachel made sure he was sound asleep before pulling a lab top computer out from under her seat, hooking it up, and turning it on.
She smiled wickedly to herself as she found the downloaded soap operas she'd gotten online. She could now catch up on what she was missing on TV right now. She laughed as the show popped up and one of her favorite characters was running around chasing after her boyfriend.
Rachel: Oh yes, I'm so good!
She continued watching her soaps as the plane continued to fly towards New York City. In a matter of hours, she was going to be back home with her friends and family and that was a great thing to know. She couldn't wait to get back to the apartment and move back in. Things were great! She was so excited!
Rachel yawned and turned the computer off. She was actually beginning to get sick of the wasting her time every day by doing nothing but watching television. So, she put the computer down, rested her head against the window and fell asleep quickly.
It had been a month since Ross found out that he was going to Arizona. He, Rachel, Hannah, the boys, and the twins were in Arizona, living in a small house close to the Grand Canyon. Hannah was now exactly forty-five months old. She'd be four in a few months and she was really excited about that! Thomas, Caleb and Jonah were well on their way to the terrible two's at eighteen months old. And the five-month-old twins, Amber and Cheyenne were a cute as ever.
Ross and Rachel had been spending less time together since his job began, but Rachel filled her days by watching the Soap Opera Channel, which was now becoming an obsession. You could probably sit down and ask her to trace the lineage of every family on every soap opera and she could tell you!
Ross walked through the door with a frown on his face. He sighed and looked at Rachel, who was sitting on the couch watching Days of Our Lives and feeding Amber her bottle. Cheyenne was sitting up by herself on the floor and Thomas, Caleb, Jacob, and Hannah were running around the house playing tag.
Ross: Hey Rachel.
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: Honey? I'm home.
Rachel: I know.
Ross sighed and turned off the television.
Rachel: Hey!
Ross: Honey, look at me!
Rachel looked over at her husband who looked really depressed.
Rachel: Oh, honey, what's wrong?
Ross: We're moving back to New York.
Rachel gasped and looked at Ross with bulging eyes. She walked over to him with Amber in her arms and hugged him.
*~*
Phoebe was sitting with her newly two-year-old son. His birthday party had been that morning and Phoebe and Joey were cleaning up after it. Five-month-olds Brandon and Courtney were sitting in their swings, watching their parents and big brother.
Phoebe: Hey, this place is almost cleaned up. I'm taking Draven over to see Katie and Valerie.
Joey: Okay. I'll watch the girls.
Phoebe walks out of the apartment and down the hall to Ross and Rachel's apartment. She opened the door to see Katie running around, chasing after her naked fifteen-month-old daughter.
Katie: Come on Val! You need a bath!
Phoebe: Having problems?
Katie: God! This kid won't let me give her a bath!
Phoebe: Oh, she's not even in her terrible two's yet! Now . . .Draven has just hit his and he just turned two!
Phoebe looked over at Draven who was now jumping on the couch with a devilish grin on his face.
Phoebe: Oh God . . .help me!
Katie: Well, I guess that once I move back out to California, I can get a bigger place and she won't feel so closed in.
Phoebe: What do you mean? You're going back?
Katie: Well, I can't stay here forever.
*~*
Chandler and Monica were sitting in their bedroom with their kids. The kids had been bugging them all afternoon about letting them get a pet. Well, five-month-olds Jessie and Casey didn't have much to say about it, but thirty-three-month olds Ally and Alex had plenty to say!
Alex: I want a dog!
Ally: I want a pony!
Alex: Dog!
Ally: Pony!
Alex: No! Doggy!
Ally: Eew! No! Pony!
Chandler: Hey! We're not getting a dog or a pony!
Alex: But . . .
Monica: No buts sweetie . . .I agree with daddy.
Ally: But . . .
Chandler: That goes for you too!
Ally and Alex both pouted and crossed their arms. They stomped out of the room together and Monica and Chandler looked at each other and laughed.
Monica: Oh the joys of parenthood!
Chandler: Maybe we should let them get a pet. A small one.
Monica: No! Pets take a lot of work, they smell, and it takes most of your day just to clean up after them!
Chandler: A bird?
Monica: No . . .I don't want poop all over my wall!
Chandler: Well . . . how about a cat?
Monica: Are you serious? Cat hair all over my apartment? I don't think so.
Chandler: How about a fish?
Monica: Well . . .I guess that could work . . .you don't have to clean the tank too much . . .I guess we can get them a fish.
*~*
Rachel pulled back from Ross and smiled widely at him.
Rachel: We're really going back? So soon? It was supposed to be like a year wasn't it?
Ross: Yeah, but, the excavation got cancelled and we have to go back now.
Rachel: Oh . . .well, you've still got your job at the museum and teaching and everything . . .
Ross: That's true.
Rachel: And you've still got me . . .and the kids.
Ross: I know . . .
Rachel: Oh no!
Ross: What is it?!
Rachel: I'm missing Days of Our Lives!
Rachel ran back over to her chair with the baby and sat down, turned on the TV and continued to feed her daughter as she watched one of her favorite soaps.
Ross just sighed and shook his head. He walked into the kitchen and pulled a cold beer out of the fridge. He took a drink and sat down at the table. His dream had just went down the drain. Well, at least the one dream of his big break, but his other dream was still in full swing. He still had his family.
*~*
Phoebe and Katie were sitting in Monica and Chandler's apartment with Joey and Monica know. Chandler was out buying a goldfish for Ally and Alex. Valerie and Draven were running around with Ally and Alex. Courtney, Brandon, Jessie, and Casey were all lying on the floor rolling over onto their tummies, and looking at each other.
Monica: Katie, what is this I heard from Phoebe about you moving back to California?
Katie: Mom, you know I'm going to move back. Not yet, but someday. I'm just not ready to go back. When I'm ready, I will.
Monica: But . . .you can stay here.
Katie: Mom, I'm doing fine! I'm single and sixteen with a daughter! I'm working at Central Perk and I've got money from the movies. Things are okay for me.
Monica: What if Ross and Rachel decide to move back?
Katie: Well, I'll just move back out. It's as simple as that. I can afford my own apartment.
Monica: Well, you seem to have things planned out really well.
Katie: I do mom. I've grown up a lot.
*~*
Ross and Rachel were packing for the trip back to New York. Rachel had ever television in the house on so she wouldn't miss a second of the Soap Opera Channel. Ross thought it was getting ridiculous. But, he didn't dare say anything for awhile.
Rachel: God, I love this show. But, Dr. Drake isn't on there!
Ross: Didn't you hear that he fell down another elevator shaft?
Rachel: No! Oh my God!
Ross: Rachel, I'm just kidding!
Rachel: God! Don't do that to me! I almost had a heart attack!
Ross: Rachel, I think that . . .
Rachel: What?
Ross swallowed nervously.
Ross: Um . . .I think you're addicted.
Rachel: No I'm not!
Ross: Ah hah! Denial!
Rachel: Ross! I just like soap operas! Is that a crime?
Ross: I think it is when you watch it 24 hours a day!
Rachel: Fine! I'll turn it off!
Rachel reached over and flipped the television off. That didn't seem to phase Ross a bit.
Rachel: Happy?
Ross: There are three more TV's in this house.
Rachel: You don't miss a beat do you?!
*~*
That evening, Monica was sitting on the couch with Ally and Alex. The twins were asleep and Chandler was just getting home. He had a fish tank under one arm and a bag with a goldfish in it in the other. Ally and Alex jumped up and down.
Ally/Alex: Yay! A fish! We get a fish!
Monica: You have to help us take care of him though. He's gonna need fed every day and his tank will have to be cleaned.
Chandler: And the floor will need swept, the windows cleaned, and the food cooked.
Monica laughed as Chandler filled up the tank with water and put the fish in there.
Ally and Alex laughed as they watched the fish swim round and round in the tank.
Monica: Now that they're entertained for a while . . .
Chandler: We can have S-E-X?
Monica: No!
Chandler: Why not?
Monica: Chandler!
Monica kissed him and went over to the stove. She put a pan full of water on and started to boil it. Chandler walked over behind her and put his arms around her waist. He kissed her neck and she smiled.
Chandler: This parenting thing isn't hard at all.
Monica: Right . . .you must be forgetting about the first few months Ally and Alex were home.
Chandler: Well, it's fun and easy now.
Monica: I know . . .it's not really tough yet. Just wait thought. Soon we'll have four running children. Jessie and Casey are five months old. They're going to be crawling soon!
While Chandler and Monica weren't looking, Ally stuck her hand in the fish tank.
Ally: Too small for fishy! Needs a bigger bowl!
Ally and Alex ran into the bathroom and put the fish in the toilet.
Alex: Yay!
Ally: Fishy want to swim?
Ally flushed the toilet and watched as the goldfish was sucked down the toilet. They heard their parents running into the bathroom and Ally began to cry. Alex started in and Ally was screaming.
Ally: Fishy come back! Come back!
Monica and Chandler saw their children in the bathroom, crying tears of sorrow. Monica picked up Ally and Chandler got Alex.
Monica: Oh sweetie, it's okay.
Ally: Fishy go bye-bye!
Alex: No more fishy!
Chandler: Maybe a fish wasn't such a great idea.
Monica: You think?!
Chandler: Come on kids, don't cry. We'll get you another . . .
Monica: No we won't! Not until they are old enough!
*~*
After the kids were settled down, fed, bathed, and put to bed, Monica and Chandler sat in the living room, leaning against each other on the couch.
Monica: Not so tough, huh?
Chandler: This bites! We buy a fish and it's dead before we even name it!
Monica: They're kids, they don't know any better.
Chandler: I know . . .
Monica: Maybe when they're oh . . . say ten or eleven, maybe then we can get a pet.
Chandler: A real pet? Not one that bores you to sleep by swimming around and pooping and eating?
Monica: Okay.
Chandler laughed and he and Monica continued to sit on the couch.
*~*
On the plane, Rachel looked at all of the kids who slept in separate seats in first class. They were sleeping happily and Ross was fast asleep too in the first-class seat next to Rachel. Rachel made sure he was sound asleep before pulling a lab top computer out from under her seat, hooking it up, and turning it on.
She smiled wickedly to herself as she found the downloaded soap operas she'd gotten online. She could now catch up on what she was missing on TV right now. She laughed as the show popped up and one of her favorite characters was running around chasing after her boyfriend.
Rachel: Oh yes, I'm so good!
She continued watching her soaps as the plane continued to fly towards New York City. In a matter of hours, she was going to be back home with her friends and family and that was a great thing to know. She couldn't wait to get back to the apartment and move back in. Things were great! She was so excited!
Rachel yawned and turned the computer off. She was actually beginning to get sick of the wasting her time every day by doing nothing but watching television. So, she put the computer down, rested her head against the window and fell asleep quickly.