crucio
By Shaina
Disclaimer: I don't own Snape, Harry Potter, or Hogwarts.
Author's note: Thanks for sticking with me this long. Remember if you want more
you have to review so I know I'm not boring you. Suggestions welcome! POV fic
Update:text added.
Journal of Severus Snape
June 21 1989
I think about her sometimes. Late at night, shut up in my private hell under Hogwarts. I think about those shining black eyes. That smiling little face looking up at me.
Its amazing that I can still picture her so clearly in my mind. Always clutching that green bear I bought when Fancy told me she was pregnant.
And when she was born...so tiny…so fragile. A perfect little girl with my eyes and hair. A miracle. Something that neither of us deserved.
Even Fancy had to love her. I still think that surprised her, that she loved her child. Loving anything but herself came quite as a shock to her. But love Jessie she did. Enough to kill for her, enough to die for her, enough to kill her.
The only noble and decent thing my late wife ever did was to take Jessica from me. She'd changed toward the end. Something happened when she was out helping kill and torture muggles. She came back one night almost in tears, hurrying into Jessica's room to check on the child. Fancy wouldn't tell me what had happened, but she cried in my arms that night. Bawling like a child, saying she wouldn't let it happen to Jessie. That I had to promise never to let it happen to our daughter.
Something changed between us after that.
Sometimes I wake up thinking I've heard her call out to me. Sometimes Fancy…sometimes Jessica. Or hear a soft giggle coming from behind a corner. I'll see a first year with black hair and remember how many years it would have been before she'd have come to Hogwarts.
I'll wonder if she would have shared my passion for potions. If she would have wanted to play Qudditch. Or have tired to learn to fly before she was even seven.
I don't let myself dwell on her often, I'd drive myself mad if I did. But it's the hardest to push her memory away on nights like tonight. Her birthday. She would have been eight today. Sometimes I'm surprised it still hurts as much as
it does. To think of her.
I deserve the pain. The torment of knowing I was the cause of my only child's death. That I caused my 'loving' wife, to kill her just to save her. That I am the reason she never lived to her second birthday let alone her eighth.
I try to redeem myself, spying for Dumbledore...for the Ministry. I started this for her. For Jessica, to some how redeem my sins so when I die I can be with her perhaps in heaven. Though that is to much to even hope for.
Secretly hoping HE will find me out. That I'll died a horrible lingering death. But perhaps it's a better punishment for me to live with the knowledge that I killed the only person that ever truly loved me.
Signed Severus Snape
tbc
Reviews make the world go round.