…A Tiger is a Tiger…
"Are you going to die?"
"Jenny!" The little girl sat straight up in her chair, indignant at being hushed. A sudden silence fell over the dining room as mother, father and son squirmed under an 8-year-old's curiosity.
"I was asking Cameron, mom!" Cameron played with the handkerchief in his lap. His sister tilted her head to the side in a mimicry of her father's favorite 'I'm waiting' expression.
"I'm not going to die," he said quietly.
"Of course not. No one's going to die." Cameron's mother reached across the table to squeeze her son's shoulder. He looked up and smiled as best as he could. His father stood and started clearing the table.
"Now, do you want to show us the song you did for the play last semester?" he asked. Cameron bit his lip.
"I dunno. I mean…" Jenny was already running into the living room, eager to show off her piano playing skills. The sounds of 'Heart and Soul' drifted into the dining room. Cam loved being home. Despite everything, despite the awkwardness, he knew he was home, and he knew his parents loved him. They'd accepted having a mutant in the family. Cam knew that his mother still cried many nights, and he noticed that his father no longer walked around with a newspaper under his arm, but otherwise things were wonderfully unchanged. Still, accepting a mutant son was one thing. Accepting a son who was able to change his gender? Accepting a son who had a crush on another boy? Accepting a son who was beginning to wonder if he was really a _he_ at all?
"Are you going to come sing with me?" his sister called. His mother came out of the kitchen, a damp rag in her hand.
"Go sing with your sister. She's missed you." She bent over and gave him a hug. She smelled of apple-scented shampoo and dishwashing soap. "We all have."
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Having escaped the possibility of showing off his mutation in front of his family, Cameron escaped to his room. As soon as the door had closed behind him, he felt a burden rise from him and he relaxed with a sigh. And he changed.
Sitting down at his desk, he looked at his laptop, idly moving the mouse to turn off the screensaver. A blank Word document was open on the screen, the cursor blinking teasingly, daring him to fill the page with words.
"If I wrote the story of my life…" he typed, muttering out loud as he wrote.
if I wrote the story of my life
what pronouns would I use?
He sighed, and considered curling up on the bed and wallowing in self-pity. It was an appealing prospect. But he could hear his best friend's voice in his head. Marie hated angsting. She said it was a waste of time and energy to feel sorry for one's self. And she said if she ever caught him angsting, she'd turn his skin blue and leave it like that. Then if anyone asked him what was wrong, he could say, quite honestly, that he was blue. Ha, ha, ha.
"Are you in there, Cam?" His father. Should he change back? No. His parents knew who he was. They had to accept him as who he was.
"Come in dad." Cameron's father was a tall, thin man with a light mustache and slightly thinning hair. He suffered from chronic back pain, and thus wore the expression of a man who was always under a great deal of stress. He'd worked in the local doctor's office as a nurse practitioner until his medical problems had become too severe, and he had been forced to retire. He hated retirement, though, and was probably doing more work around the house then he ever had at his job. He still moved with some grace, though, a reminder of a youth spent working as a dancer to pay for graduate school.
"How are you doing, Cam?" he asked, sitting down on the bed with a slight sigh.
"I'm okay." There was a pause. Cameron saved his poem and turned away from his computer. "It's always tough to be back. Things are different at school."
"I can only imagine how nice it must be to be around other kids like you." Another silence. Cam stared at his hands. He felt an urge to bite his fingernails but ignored it.
"I'm not all that normal there, either."
"Even mutant teenagers are still teenagers?" Cameron snickered.
"I guess." He'd never had a lot of trouble taking to his dad before he'd went away to school, but now it was unbearable. "Dad... I just want you to know... um... I really appreciate how great you and mom have been about this. I mean, you've always been great, but I really appreciate it a lot more since I've been at Xavier's. Like, it's Christmas, and I get to go home, but a lot of my friends don't have anywhere to go. Like, my friend Marie, she's from Philadelphia, and her parents just told her not to come home. Like, ever. And.. um... I just want you to know it means a lot to me."
"I love you too, Cam." They smiled at each other. Cameron felt more at ease then he had since he'd arrived four days before. Break had started before that, but there had been problems with his flight and he'd been delayed two days. He'd arrived the day before Christmas to stressed out parents and a house filled with relatives who hadn't seen him since nearly two years before, when he'd gone off to Xavier's. On top of that, his sister had become convinced that someone was going to kill her brother because he was a mutant. It hadn't been pretty. He'd had to face his only living grandparent, a grandmother suffering through the early stages of Alzheimer's, alternately ignoring him and forgetting who he was, which was worse because then she wouldn't shut up about how her only daughter had raised a mutant, and how could they let him come home where he might attack any of them, and he'd better keep his eyes out for that horrible boy.
It hadn't been his worst Christmas ever, but it had definitely come close.
"Tell me more about school. You're still friends with Braun and Marie? " Cam nodded.
"Yea, they're my best friends. But I know lots of people. Umm.. the teachers are great and I like my classes."
"What happened to your friends who couldn't go home?"
"Some of them stayed on campus. Marie went to stay with another friend of ours."
"If you'd like to have any of your friends here, that would be fine. I don't think we'll be inviting your grandmother next year." Cam sighed. "I don't think she'll be around next year anyhow." Cam's father fixed him with a stare. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that. But she's old- fashioned and very sick. There's only so much she can handle at this point." Cam nodded.
"Dad?" He tried to form the thought in his head clearly before he could get the sentence out. "Does it bother you to see me like this?" He looked down at his body, clearly female beneath his baggy tee-shirt and jeans.
"It's strange, I have to admit. But you seem more comfortable like that." Cameron nodded.
"I don't think about it so much, but it's becoming easier and easier just to stay in this form a lot of the time. When I get stressed out, it's easier to be male. When I relax, it's easier to be female." Cam's father laced his fingers and stared at his hands for a moment.
"Cam, your mother and I love you. yes, we're used to you as a boy, but first and foremost, we're used to you as Cameron. I don't think that's changed at all. I guess that's oversimplifying, but the most important thing has to be your happiness." Cam went over to the bed and gave his father a hug. The man stiffened briefly in surprise, but quickly relaxed, and embraced his child back. He had so many fears for his first-born, but above all the worries about discrimination and hatred had been his fears that Cameron wouldn't be able to learn to love himself again, wouldn't become comfortable in his new body. But it seemed as though, whatever happened, Cameron was going to be okay.
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"Did you have a good break, Cam? You look good." Cameron smiled and scooped Marie into a bear hug.
"Thanks, you. I feel great. Did you and Nicole have a good time?" She nodded.
"Yea." He changed into male form, grabbed one of his friend's bags and headed up towards the dorms. "Her mom's totally nuts, but it was pretty funny. Wouldn't wanna live in that family, though. Too much pressure." They passed their classmate Javier in the hallway.
"Hey man," Cameron said. "How was your break?" The young man's lips thinned in anger.
"Fine. Just great." Cameron watched as he walked quickly away, then turned to Marie.
"Do you think I..." Marie shifted her bag so she could put a hand on her friend's shoulder.
"I don't think it was you." They reached her room. He set down her bag and sat down on the floor at the foot of her bed. "Are you still going to go through with it? Asking him out I mean." Cam shrugged. Marie opened her bag and began unpacking as she talked. "Well, I think you should. I mean, at least then you'll be out of this angsty funk."
"Yea, but is homicidal depression all that much better?"
"He might say yes. Then you'll be homicidally happy."
"I don't think he's gonna say yes."
"Josh said he thinks Javier likes you." Cam straightened up and blushed in pleasure. Josh was an empath.
"He said that, really?" Marie nodded. Cameron felt himself changing form. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, relaxing and resisting the change, just to see if he could. To his pleasure, his body remained male.
"Your control's getting better." He grinned and shifted into female.
"I spent a lot of time practicing back home. My dad's really cool with it, but my mom still thinks it's weird. And Christmas was the worst. All my relatives were there, and I just wanted to disappear. I had to be tense the entire night." Marie didn't say anything, but Cameron saw how her shoulders tensed. He felt bad for bringing up his family at all. "Hey, my dad said you can come stay with us over the next vacation."
"That'd be great," she said, smiling slightly. "So, what color hair do you want today?" She narrowed her eyes and advanced on him, hands extended. Cam pulled his hair back in a ponytail with one hand and covered his head with the other.
"Oh no you don't. No color changes for me, thank you." She laughed and tackled him. He wrestled with her for a while in his female form, then let reflex take over and changed into male form, where he was stronger and quickly able to subdue her.
"That was cheating!" she said breathlessly, her face flushed. Cameron laughed. Marie got up and got back to unpacking.
"So I did some research over the break about gender identity and stuff. And I found some really interesting stuff. Like, you know how we were talking about chromosomal gender in genetics last semester, and how you're XX if you're female and XY if you're male? And Professor McHugh had that whole thing about how some people are born XXY or XYY or whatever and can have really ambiguous like, genitals, and how we usually just make them fit into our ideas of gender instead of changing our idea of gender to fit them. So I thought that sounded really interesting so I went online and I found all these websites about this condition called intersexuality, right? And it said that something like every one in 100 people's bodies don't fit into the 'normal' male or female idea, and that like, one out of 1500 people aren't XX or XY."
"That's pretty interesting, I guess. Do you think that you might be something like that?"
"I don't know. I mean, when I'm male I'm totally male, and when I'm female I'm totally female. When I first got here they did all these tests, and like, apparently when I change, it's not just my outside that changes, but my entire body. Like, theoretically I could get pregnant if I stayed female long enough, or vice versa." Marie frowned.
"You don't get a period, do you Cam?" she asked in a hushed voice. He rolled his eyes and leaned forward slightly.
"I did once." She laughed.
"No way!" Cameron grinned and nodded.
"Yea. Remember before break when I was a girl for like, two weeks straight?"
"Around the time you were doing Les Mis'?" He nodded.
"Yea. I was rehearsing all the time, so I figured I'd see how long I could stay female, to get into character and all. So then I go to the bathroom and I'm bleeding all over the place."
"What did you do?"
"I changed back to male and took a shower!" Marie clutched her sides and laughed.
"I wish I could do that sometimes!" Cam rolled his eyes dramatically. "So, when you were doing all this research, did you find anything that might apply to you?"
"Nothing exactly... but it was good to read about people who weren't... normal. Does that make sense?" Marie frowned slightly, but nodded. "I mean, reading about these conditions really made the think about how society really wants to put everyone in these little boxes, you know? Like, we make such a huge deal out of the differences between men and women, but we act like those two groups are so set. But people don't just fit into perfect formulas.
"I've gone through so much grief trying to figure out whether I'm male or female or whatever, but why is it such a big deal that I decide on one? Why couldn't I just be me, forget about this whole idea of choosing a single gender and sticking to it. And if Javier is going to make a big deal about that, then maybe I don't want to be in a relationship with him." Cameron leaned back and took a deep breath. He felt better, somehow, for having put into words what he was thinking about. Then he remembered something. "Hey, I totally forgot. Remember right before we left for vacation I got a genetic test done?"
"Yea?"
"Well they did a test in my female form and in my male form, and it turns out that even through the rest of my body changes, my genes stay the same. And apparently my genetic gender is XXY. That's why I got so interested in this whole 'intersex' thing. When I went home, I had my parents request my medical records from when I was little, and it turns out that I had a genetic test done when I was born, because my mom's a carrier for Huntington's Disease, and guess what? I was born XXY. And I started to wonder, what if that had something to do with how my mutation turned out? I mean, we don't really know why these mutations develop the way they do, right? So maybe my being born with an XXY chromosome and as active X- factor is why I can change genders." Marie closed her closet door with a firm click and walked over to her friend.
"I'm really happy you were able to find all this stuff out, Cam. And I'm really glad to hear you've settled that whole Javier thing in your head. So uses what you have to do now?"
"You're not going to tell me to ask him out, are you?" Marie smiled and nodded smugly. Cam stood and gave her a hug. "We'll see. Come help me get ready for dinner?"
"Sure." As they headed out of the room arm in arm, Marie paused. "So you think there's some explanation why I can change things' color?" Cam made a face of deep concentration.
"Did you eat a lot of paint chips as a child?" She punched him in the side and they laughed together.
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Like any other school, Xavier's Connecticut Academy for the Gifted had its cliques. There were popular kids, computer geeks, Goths, athletes and brains. Of course, the brains were all certifiable geniuses due to their mutations, and many of the athletes could run faster than most Olympians, but still, they were fairly normal teenagers doing what came natural to teenagers: forming groups and excluding others.
Most of the students at the Connecticut Academy were there because their mutations were so minimal that they would not have benefited from the more intense training given at the Massachusetts Academy. They would not be superheroes, and though they were taught to defend themselves, none of them would have stood up in a fight against any of the X-Men. Javier was an exception to that rule. 19 years old and straight out of the London Mutants' Underground, he'd have fit in at the Massachusetts Academy without blinking an eyelash. Only he had three younger sisters, two of whom were low-level mutants, who needed him, the only family they had left. So the young man had found a place for himself at the Connecticut Academy, his mutant powers of teleportation and telekinesis only making it that much easier to become one of the most popular young men at the school.
He lived in one of the many cottages surrounding the campus, shielded from almost any form of detection by alien camouflage technology the X-Men had salvaged on one of their trips into space. He lived with his sisters, 7, 14 and 16, and a young widower who called himself John Doe and left glowing prints on anything that touched his bare skin. John had unofficially adopted a young Chinese girl named Yet Kwai who'd come to the Academy as a battered catatonic and still didn't talk to any adults besides John. Though she didn't talk to Javier, she would listen to him sometimes, and let him touch her, which was more than she let most people do.
Javier had been at the Academy for nearly three years. His youngest sister no longer remembered her life before coming to Connecticut. She spoke flawless American English and was looking forward to the day she would become a mutant like her older sisters and brother. He was happy for the first time in a long time, at least the first time since his parents had died in a car crash five years before, taking with them his only brother and any sort of security the 14 year old boy had had. Foster homes didn't like mutants much, and the oldest of his sisters had begun growing scales at about the time their parents had died. So he'd taken his sisters and ran, and their case was confidently forgotten. Two years in the Underground and now he was here. One of the lucky ones.
A good Catholic, Javier had observed Christmas with his sisters, John and Yet Kwai at the Academy. While many of the students who lived in the dorms had gone home for the holidays, most of those who lived in the cottages had no where to go. It didn't bother Javier, though. There were dozens of people living in the cottages, and he knew most of them. He did errands for the older people while John looked after his sisters, and hung out with those of his friends who were still around. Though he was a certainly popular, he didn't notice most of the people he spent time with. Yes, he liked them, but he didn't feel that connected to any of them. They were always about him, hanging on his footsteps and his every word, and he wondered how many of them really cared about him and how many were just there because of what he could do.
And then he'd become friends with Cameron.
Cameron wasn't one of his groupies. He was friends with lots of Javier's friends, but wasn't the sort to follow someone around like he was a lost puppy. Javier liked that. Cameron was a low level shapeshifter with the ability to become female. That was it. A pretty crappy power, he had to admit. But Cameron was more than that. He was a nice person. He'd been the one to notice that Javier was having trouble in genetics- a required course at Xavier's- and had helped him out. He hadn't made Javier feel stupid for being tutored by a boy more than two years younger than himself. And he'd made genetics make sense. They had the same taste in music- female punk-rockers and indie-folk. Cameron had burned him a copy of the Gorillaz' newest CD and introduced Javier to his new favorite band. Cameron had never been a member of Javier's group, but he was his friend. That meant a lot to a kid with as much on his shoulders as Javier.
It had been early the past summer when things had started to change. In the past, Cam had changed gender almost randomly, and once he'd learned how to control himself better, he'd spent most of his time in male form. It was some time that summer that he'd started spending more and more time as a girl.
Javier spent every summer at Xavier's, and though Cameron usually went home, he'd stayed at Xavier's that past summer to take part in an acting workshop at a nearby college. He'd become interested in singing, and realized that his female voice was much stronger than his male voice. As a girl, he'd started taking vocal lessons. As a girl, he'd made friends in the town who couldn't know he was a mutant. As a girl, he'd started wearing makeup and dressing nicely. And as a 16 year old girl, he had become suddenly very attractive to an 18 year old Javier. An 18 year old Javier with a conservative Catholic upbringing. An 18 year old Javier who was not at all happy with being attracted to someone he knew best as a young man.
So he'd withdrawn. Cameron had asked what was wrong and he'd lied. He'd been cruel. Anything to get him to leave him alone.
He wasn't completely sure why he made such a big deal about it. Something from his upbringing, something about fags and a resistance to being any more of a freak than he already was. Like if he wasn't even nice to Cameron, he's stop being attracted to him. Right. He'd been trying to push Cameron away for what? Six months now? And he was more unhappy- and more attracted to Cameron- than before. And besides that, he had lost a friend. His best friend. He hadn't even realized that Cameron was his best friend until he'd lost him. And it had been his fault. Stupid!
And so Javier headed into the school cafeteria on the weekend after break with a head full of confusion and irritation. The Christmas holiday was over and the students who'd left were coming back. Cameron was back.
He entered the cafeteria and was met by several friends. He got his food without noticing what he was taking and was sitting down before he realized that he'd gotten a grilled cheese sandwich with ham instead of without. He was a vegetarian.
"You okay, man?" someone asked. Javier shrugged.
"A little tired, I guess," he lied. "I was out way too late last night. Any of you seen the new Jackie Chan movie?" That started a conversation he could duck out of and concentrate on not letting anyone see him scanning the cafeteria for Cameron. Only he was looking so hard, he almost missed him. Hell.
Cameron was with Marie. The two had been friends since Cameron had enrolled, but had become inseparable since the last summer. Ever since Javier had started being a jerk. Cameron was in his female form, and by the look of his tight jeans, he wasn't planning on becoming male any time soon. He was wearing a tight tee-shirt and new Doc Martins. He looked really, really good. Fuck.
Cameron scanned the room briefly, probably looking for a place to sit. He met Javier's eyes and didn't look away. Javier panicked and teleported himself out of the room.
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"Did you see that?" Cameron asked Marie. She nodded.
"It's official. He likes you. This proves it." They moved into the line for the hot food.
"How does this prove it?"
"Cam, listen to what your feelings are telling you. Act like a girl for once! He likes you. Period." They ate quickly and headed over to the auditorium, where there was a welcome back speech by the headmistress and a demonstration by members of the X-Men. Even though the students at the Academy knew they would probably never be able to join the team of mutant super-heroes, everyone knew who they were. All of the younger kids had their favorite X-Man, and even many of the older ones talked about them in reverent tones. Cameron and Marie sat on an aisle near the front and paid close attention to the presentations, which included a demonstration by Gambit- Marie's favorite X-Man- on six ways to disarm an opponent, and a show of sword fighting by Nightcrawler, who was, if Cameron recalled correctly, Javier's favorite. Cameron's favorite was Storm. She'd been the one to come to his home and talk to him and his parents about the institute. He still remembered seeing her for the first time- her dark-as- night skin, her white hair and flashing eyes- and feeling for the first time a little bit proud to be a mutant.
Marie elbowed him partway though the assistant-headmaster's dismissing remarks on security and the recent bout of underage drinking on campus.
"What?"
"Javier just came in. No, don't look. He's looking at you."
"Do I look okay?" Marie laughed.
"You look fine. You should go talk to him when we're done."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm dead sure." Cameron slouched down in his seat and looked around, pretending that he was stretching his neck. Javier stood by one of the doors, alone for once. He looked really good now that Cameron wasn't actively trying not to be attracted to him. Tall, thin but not too thin, dark hair and tan skin inherited from his Spanish mother, lips tight in a frown, dressed fashionably but casual enough to fit in amongst American teenagers.
Applause.
His heart was pounding.
The assistant headmistress was thanking the X-Men, shaking their hands. Joking with Nightcrawler over the advantages of having fur during New England winters.
His clothing was too constricting. He couldn't breath. He felt himself starting to change form and forced himself to breath out, to relax, to remain female. If he changed to male form in these pants, only God knew if he'd ever recover. Let alone be able to have children.
The X-men were coming down off of the stage, being mobbed by teenagers, children and adults. Gambit looked almost uncomfortable surrounded by a group of near hysterical females.
Cameron started to laugh. Marie looked up at him in surprise, and he pointed towards the stage.
"Look at Braun." Marie began to laugh too. Their friend had infiltrated the crowd around the attractive Cajun X-Man and was trying to get his attention, barely disguised lust showing plain on his face. Cameron looked back towards the door. For a minute, he couldn't see Javier. Then he spotted him turning and heading out of the auditorium. "I'm going. Wish me luck." Marie squeezed his arm.
"Good luck Cam." He squeezed through the crowd, grateful for his slimmer, more maneuverable female form. It was funny, but gaining the ability to change his gender had given Cameron a great appreciation of the different advantages of being male or being female. It was easier to move quickly and nimbly as a girl. It was easier to get himself heard as a guy. It was easier to get people to do what he wanted as a girl. People were less likely to bother a guy, but it was easier to win a fight when he was male. Cam did half of his required self-defense training in female form, because he knew that if he got into trouble as a girl, changing to male form so he could fight better would only get him in more trouble.
"Javier!" he called as he began to catch up. The older teen turned. A clear look of dismay passed over his face when he saw Cameron. Cam caught the look and nearly turned around right there, but got his nerve back and walked quickly up to Javier.
"Hi Cam."
"Hey. Can we go somewhere to talk?" Javier's jaw tightened, but he nodded.
"Hold still." Javier closed his eyes and Cam froze, unsure of what was about to happen. Then the world shifted and he was out in the trees behind the playground.
"How did you do that?" he gasped, clutching his throat in surprise, taking deep breaths to calm himself. Javier smiled for the first time since Cameron had seen him.
"I've been working a lot. Right before break I got permission to teleport one other person with me, as long as they weight less than I do."
"That is so cool!" Cam walked over to the swings, strongly aware of how he looked as he moved, wondering if Javier was watching him. He sat down and wrapped his arms around the chains. "Why did you stop hanging out with me all of the sudden," he blurted out. Javier froze. "It really hurt my feelings. I mean, we were friends." Javier sighed and rubbed his eyes with his hand.
"It was… I'm sorry. But things changed, I guess. I mean, it's weird for my best friend to totally turn into a girl all of the sudden.
"What are you talking about? You've known my power was to change genders since you met me." Javier threw up his hands in disgust. Cam sat quietly and watched the young man get control of his emotions. Despite what one might say about Brits and emotional constipation, Javier had a definite temper.
"But you… you never…" He growled in frustration. "Before, it was always like you couldn't help it. But with the play, and you getting into singing, all of the sudden it was like you… liked being a girl." Cam was reminded yet again of his current very female status. He wanted to say something, but Javier went on. "I mean, it used to be you'd get all ticked off when you changed into a girl, but then you started wearing dresses, and makeup, and it just freaked me out." There was a pause.
"You have female friends. Why would I be different?"
"Because I like you." Despite the joy that filled him at hearing that, Cameron found himself also angry. He stood and closed the distance between them with wide steps.
"And you treat everyone you like like shit?" He squared his shoulders and stood glaring up at the young man's face. Javier's eyes gleamed with something that could have been regret, but he didn't back off.
"I'm sorry." And he meant it. Cam didn't know how to react to that.
"Well what now? Do you think we can be friends again?"
"No."
"Why not?" Cameron exploded.
"Because I like you, okay? How many times do I have to fucking say it! I have a crush on you. I think you're hot. I have a crush on a boy!" Javier sat so quickly it was like someone had cut the strings holding him up. Cameron settled to the ground slower.
"Javier, I'm not a boy." The European looked at him with blank eyes. "I mean, okay, I was born male. But genetically, I'm not male or female. I have two X chromosomes, and one Y chromosome. Right now, I have all the characteristics of any other 17 year old girl." They were pretty close together at that point, and both highly aware of that fact. The tension was so thick Cam felt like laughing. I'm living a movie, he thought. All I need now is to get this right. Please get this right. "I like you a lot too. I want to go out with you. But you have to know that this is who I am. I mean, if you can't deal with that, than there's no way."
"It's… it's hard. My parents were very conservative. But they knew I was a mutant, and they still loved me. So… I don't know. Things happen." They sat and stared at each other for a long moment. Then Javier leaned forward and kissed Cameron. And Cameron kissed him back.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you've just finished reading this story and like it, please let me know. If you're finding things that bother you, PLEASE let me know. Feedback makes this author happy.
Thanks go to Queen Bamfie for sparking this idea. See my note at the end of 'He's Unsure…' for more details. I couldn't have gotten this part written if it hadn't been for two classes I've taken this year: Maureen Basha's 'Biology of the Human Body' and Corwin Kruse's 'Introduction to Sociology.' It was from those classes that my interest in gender was moved from just thinking about people not fitting into classic societal gender roles to thinking about people who don't fit into classic biological gender roles either. The information on intersexuality comes from those classes, and from the webpage for the Intersex Society of North America at http://www.isna.org.
One problem I encountered while writing this story came up with the issue of pronouns. As Cameron said 'if I wrote the story of my life / what pronouns would I use?' See, that was me talking. The author. Hi there. Cameron, as he said quite clearly, is not male. He's not female either. But for the sake of clarity, Cameron will be referred to by the third person narrator as a 'he.' I debated over this for a long time, but decided that changing pronouns (he when Cam is in male form, she when Cam's in female form) would just get confusing. And I did not want to refer to him as an 'it.' If anyone has a better solution, please let me know.
"Are you going to die?"
"Jenny!" The little girl sat straight up in her chair, indignant at being hushed. A sudden silence fell over the dining room as mother, father and son squirmed under an 8-year-old's curiosity.
"I was asking Cameron, mom!" Cameron played with the handkerchief in his lap. His sister tilted her head to the side in a mimicry of her father's favorite 'I'm waiting' expression.
"I'm not going to die," he said quietly.
"Of course not. No one's going to die." Cameron's mother reached across the table to squeeze her son's shoulder. He looked up and smiled as best as he could. His father stood and started clearing the table.
"Now, do you want to show us the song you did for the play last semester?" he asked. Cameron bit his lip.
"I dunno. I mean…" Jenny was already running into the living room, eager to show off her piano playing skills. The sounds of 'Heart and Soul' drifted into the dining room. Cam loved being home. Despite everything, despite the awkwardness, he knew he was home, and he knew his parents loved him. They'd accepted having a mutant in the family. Cam knew that his mother still cried many nights, and he noticed that his father no longer walked around with a newspaper under his arm, but otherwise things were wonderfully unchanged. Still, accepting a mutant son was one thing. Accepting a son who was able to change his gender? Accepting a son who had a crush on another boy? Accepting a son who was beginning to wonder if he was really a _he_ at all?
"Are you going to come sing with me?" his sister called. His mother came out of the kitchen, a damp rag in her hand.
"Go sing with your sister. She's missed you." She bent over and gave him a hug. She smelled of apple-scented shampoo and dishwashing soap. "We all have."
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Having escaped the possibility of showing off his mutation in front of his family, Cameron escaped to his room. As soon as the door had closed behind him, he felt a burden rise from him and he relaxed with a sigh. And he changed.
Sitting down at his desk, he looked at his laptop, idly moving the mouse to turn off the screensaver. A blank Word document was open on the screen, the cursor blinking teasingly, daring him to fill the page with words.
"If I wrote the story of my life…" he typed, muttering out loud as he wrote.
if I wrote the story of my life
what pronouns would I use?
He sighed, and considered curling up on the bed and wallowing in self-pity. It was an appealing prospect. But he could hear his best friend's voice in his head. Marie hated angsting. She said it was a waste of time and energy to feel sorry for one's self. And she said if she ever caught him angsting, she'd turn his skin blue and leave it like that. Then if anyone asked him what was wrong, he could say, quite honestly, that he was blue. Ha, ha, ha.
"Are you in there, Cam?" His father. Should he change back? No. His parents knew who he was. They had to accept him as who he was.
"Come in dad." Cameron's father was a tall, thin man with a light mustache and slightly thinning hair. He suffered from chronic back pain, and thus wore the expression of a man who was always under a great deal of stress. He'd worked in the local doctor's office as a nurse practitioner until his medical problems had become too severe, and he had been forced to retire. He hated retirement, though, and was probably doing more work around the house then he ever had at his job. He still moved with some grace, though, a reminder of a youth spent working as a dancer to pay for graduate school.
"How are you doing, Cam?" he asked, sitting down on the bed with a slight sigh.
"I'm okay." There was a pause. Cameron saved his poem and turned away from his computer. "It's always tough to be back. Things are different at school."
"I can only imagine how nice it must be to be around other kids like you." Another silence. Cam stared at his hands. He felt an urge to bite his fingernails but ignored it.
"I'm not all that normal there, either."
"Even mutant teenagers are still teenagers?" Cameron snickered.
"I guess." He'd never had a lot of trouble taking to his dad before he'd went away to school, but now it was unbearable. "Dad... I just want you to know... um... I really appreciate how great you and mom have been about this. I mean, you've always been great, but I really appreciate it a lot more since I've been at Xavier's. Like, it's Christmas, and I get to go home, but a lot of my friends don't have anywhere to go. Like, my friend Marie, she's from Philadelphia, and her parents just told her not to come home. Like, ever. And.. um... I just want you to know it means a lot to me."
"I love you too, Cam." They smiled at each other. Cameron felt more at ease then he had since he'd arrived four days before. Break had started before that, but there had been problems with his flight and he'd been delayed two days. He'd arrived the day before Christmas to stressed out parents and a house filled with relatives who hadn't seen him since nearly two years before, when he'd gone off to Xavier's. On top of that, his sister had become convinced that someone was going to kill her brother because he was a mutant. It hadn't been pretty. He'd had to face his only living grandparent, a grandmother suffering through the early stages of Alzheimer's, alternately ignoring him and forgetting who he was, which was worse because then she wouldn't shut up about how her only daughter had raised a mutant, and how could they let him come home where he might attack any of them, and he'd better keep his eyes out for that horrible boy.
It hadn't been his worst Christmas ever, but it had definitely come close.
"Tell me more about school. You're still friends with Braun and Marie? " Cam nodded.
"Yea, they're my best friends. But I know lots of people. Umm.. the teachers are great and I like my classes."
"What happened to your friends who couldn't go home?"
"Some of them stayed on campus. Marie went to stay with another friend of ours."
"If you'd like to have any of your friends here, that would be fine. I don't think we'll be inviting your grandmother next year." Cam sighed. "I don't think she'll be around next year anyhow." Cam's father fixed him with a stare. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that. But she's old- fashioned and very sick. There's only so much she can handle at this point." Cam nodded.
"Dad?" He tried to form the thought in his head clearly before he could get the sentence out. "Does it bother you to see me like this?" He looked down at his body, clearly female beneath his baggy tee-shirt and jeans.
"It's strange, I have to admit. But you seem more comfortable like that." Cameron nodded.
"I don't think about it so much, but it's becoming easier and easier just to stay in this form a lot of the time. When I get stressed out, it's easier to be male. When I relax, it's easier to be female." Cam's father laced his fingers and stared at his hands for a moment.
"Cam, your mother and I love you. yes, we're used to you as a boy, but first and foremost, we're used to you as Cameron. I don't think that's changed at all. I guess that's oversimplifying, but the most important thing has to be your happiness." Cam went over to the bed and gave his father a hug. The man stiffened briefly in surprise, but quickly relaxed, and embraced his child back. He had so many fears for his first-born, but above all the worries about discrimination and hatred had been his fears that Cameron wouldn't be able to learn to love himself again, wouldn't become comfortable in his new body. But it seemed as though, whatever happened, Cameron was going to be okay.
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"Did you have a good break, Cam? You look good." Cameron smiled and scooped Marie into a bear hug.
"Thanks, you. I feel great. Did you and Nicole have a good time?" She nodded.
"Yea." He changed into male form, grabbed one of his friend's bags and headed up towards the dorms. "Her mom's totally nuts, but it was pretty funny. Wouldn't wanna live in that family, though. Too much pressure." They passed their classmate Javier in the hallway.
"Hey man," Cameron said. "How was your break?" The young man's lips thinned in anger.
"Fine. Just great." Cameron watched as he walked quickly away, then turned to Marie.
"Do you think I..." Marie shifted her bag so she could put a hand on her friend's shoulder.
"I don't think it was you." They reached her room. He set down her bag and sat down on the floor at the foot of her bed. "Are you still going to go through with it? Asking him out I mean." Cam shrugged. Marie opened her bag and began unpacking as she talked. "Well, I think you should. I mean, at least then you'll be out of this angsty funk."
"Yea, but is homicidal depression all that much better?"
"He might say yes. Then you'll be homicidally happy."
"I don't think he's gonna say yes."
"Josh said he thinks Javier likes you." Cam straightened up and blushed in pleasure. Josh was an empath.
"He said that, really?" Marie nodded. Cameron felt himself changing form. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, relaxing and resisting the change, just to see if he could. To his pleasure, his body remained male.
"Your control's getting better." He grinned and shifted into female.
"I spent a lot of time practicing back home. My dad's really cool with it, but my mom still thinks it's weird. And Christmas was the worst. All my relatives were there, and I just wanted to disappear. I had to be tense the entire night." Marie didn't say anything, but Cameron saw how her shoulders tensed. He felt bad for bringing up his family at all. "Hey, my dad said you can come stay with us over the next vacation."
"That'd be great," she said, smiling slightly. "So, what color hair do you want today?" She narrowed her eyes and advanced on him, hands extended. Cam pulled his hair back in a ponytail with one hand and covered his head with the other.
"Oh no you don't. No color changes for me, thank you." She laughed and tackled him. He wrestled with her for a while in his female form, then let reflex take over and changed into male form, where he was stronger and quickly able to subdue her.
"That was cheating!" she said breathlessly, her face flushed. Cameron laughed. Marie got up and got back to unpacking.
"So I did some research over the break about gender identity and stuff. And I found some really interesting stuff. Like, you know how we were talking about chromosomal gender in genetics last semester, and how you're XX if you're female and XY if you're male? And Professor McHugh had that whole thing about how some people are born XXY or XYY or whatever and can have really ambiguous like, genitals, and how we usually just make them fit into our ideas of gender instead of changing our idea of gender to fit them. So I thought that sounded really interesting so I went online and I found all these websites about this condition called intersexuality, right? And it said that something like every one in 100 people's bodies don't fit into the 'normal' male or female idea, and that like, one out of 1500 people aren't XX or XY."
"That's pretty interesting, I guess. Do you think that you might be something like that?"
"I don't know. I mean, when I'm male I'm totally male, and when I'm female I'm totally female. When I first got here they did all these tests, and like, apparently when I change, it's not just my outside that changes, but my entire body. Like, theoretically I could get pregnant if I stayed female long enough, or vice versa." Marie frowned.
"You don't get a period, do you Cam?" she asked in a hushed voice. He rolled his eyes and leaned forward slightly.
"I did once." She laughed.
"No way!" Cameron grinned and nodded.
"Yea. Remember before break when I was a girl for like, two weeks straight?"
"Around the time you were doing Les Mis'?" He nodded.
"Yea. I was rehearsing all the time, so I figured I'd see how long I could stay female, to get into character and all. So then I go to the bathroom and I'm bleeding all over the place."
"What did you do?"
"I changed back to male and took a shower!" Marie clutched her sides and laughed.
"I wish I could do that sometimes!" Cam rolled his eyes dramatically. "So, when you were doing all this research, did you find anything that might apply to you?"
"Nothing exactly... but it was good to read about people who weren't... normal. Does that make sense?" Marie frowned slightly, but nodded. "I mean, reading about these conditions really made the think about how society really wants to put everyone in these little boxes, you know? Like, we make such a huge deal out of the differences between men and women, but we act like those two groups are so set. But people don't just fit into perfect formulas.
"I've gone through so much grief trying to figure out whether I'm male or female or whatever, but why is it such a big deal that I decide on one? Why couldn't I just be me, forget about this whole idea of choosing a single gender and sticking to it. And if Javier is going to make a big deal about that, then maybe I don't want to be in a relationship with him." Cameron leaned back and took a deep breath. He felt better, somehow, for having put into words what he was thinking about. Then he remembered something. "Hey, I totally forgot. Remember right before we left for vacation I got a genetic test done?"
"Yea?"
"Well they did a test in my female form and in my male form, and it turns out that even through the rest of my body changes, my genes stay the same. And apparently my genetic gender is XXY. That's why I got so interested in this whole 'intersex' thing. When I went home, I had my parents request my medical records from when I was little, and it turns out that I had a genetic test done when I was born, because my mom's a carrier for Huntington's Disease, and guess what? I was born XXY. And I started to wonder, what if that had something to do with how my mutation turned out? I mean, we don't really know why these mutations develop the way they do, right? So maybe my being born with an XXY chromosome and as active X- factor is why I can change genders." Marie closed her closet door with a firm click and walked over to her friend.
"I'm really happy you were able to find all this stuff out, Cam. And I'm really glad to hear you've settled that whole Javier thing in your head. So uses what you have to do now?"
"You're not going to tell me to ask him out, are you?" Marie smiled and nodded smugly. Cam stood and gave her a hug. "We'll see. Come help me get ready for dinner?"
"Sure." As they headed out of the room arm in arm, Marie paused. "So you think there's some explanation why I can change things' color?" Cam made a face of deep concentration.
"Did you eat a lot of paint chips as a child?" She punched him in the side and they laughed together.
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Like any other school, Xavier's Connecticut Academy for the Gifted had its cliques. There were popular kids, computer geeks, Goths, athletes and brains. Of course, the brains were all certifiable geniuses due to their mutations, and many of the athletes could run faster than most Olympians, but still, they were fairly normal teenagers doing what came natural to teenagers: forming groups and excluding others.
Most of the students at the Connecticut Academy were there because their mutations were so minimal that they would not have benefited from the more intense training given at the Massachusetts Academy. They would not be superheroes, and though they were taught to defend themselves, none of them would have stood up in a fight against any of the X-Men. Javier was an exception to that rule. 19 years old and straight out of the London Mutants' Underground, he'd have fit in at the Massachusetts Academy without blinking an eyelash. Only he had three younger sisters, two of whom were low-level mutants, who needed him, the only family they had left. So the young man had found a place for himself at the Connecticut Academy, his mutant powers of teleportation and telekinesis only making it that much easier to become one of the most popular young men at the school.
He lived in one of the many cottages surrounding the campus, shielded from almost any form of detection by alien camouflage technology the X-Men had salvaged on one of their trips into space. He lived with his sisters, 7, 14 and 16, and a young widower who called himself John Doe and left glowing prints on anything that touched his bare skin. John had unofficially adopted a young Chinese girl named Yet Kwai who'd come to the Academy as a battered catatonic and still didn't talk to any adults besides John. Though she didn't talk to Javier, she would listen to him sometimes, and let him touch her, which was more than she let most people do.
Javier had been at the Academy for nearly three years. His youngest sister no longer remembered her life before coming to Connecticut. She spoke flawless American English and was looking forward to the day she would become a mutant like her older sisters and brother. He was happy for the first time in a long time, at least the first time since his parents had died in a car crash five years before, taking with them his only brother and any sort of security the 14 year old boy had had. Foster homes didn't like mutants much, and the oldest of his sisters had begun growing scales at about the time their parents had died. So he'd taken his sisters and ran, and their case was confidently forgotten. Two years in the Underground and now he was here. One of the lucky ones.
A good Catholic, Javier had observed Christmas with his sisters, John and Yet Kwai at the Academy. While many of the students who lived in the dorms had gone home for the holidays, most of those who lived in the cottages had no where to go. It didn't bother Javier, though. There were dozens of people living in the cottages, and he knew most of them. He did errands for the older people while John looked after his sisters, and hung out with those of his friends who were still around. Though he was a certainly popular, he didn't notice most of the people he spent time with. Yes, he liked them, but he didn't feel that connected to any of them. They were always about him, hanging on his footsteps and his every word, and he wondered how many of them really cared about him and how many were just there because of what he could do.
And then he'd become friends with Cameron.
Cameron wasn't one of his groupies. He was friends with lots of Javier's friends, but wasn't the sort to follow someone around like he was a lost puppy. Javier liked that. Cameron was a low level shapeshifter with the ability to become female. That was it. A pretty crappy power, he had to admit. But Cameron was more than that. He was a nice person. He'd been the one to notice that Javier was having trouble in genetics- a required course at Xavier's- and had helped him out. He hadn't made Javier feel stupid for being tutored by a boy more than two years younger than himself. And he'd made genetics make sense. They had the same taste in music- female punk-rockers and indie-folk. Cameron had burned him a copy of the Gorillaz' newest CD and introduced Javier to his new favorite band. Cameron had never been a member of Javier's group, but he was his friend. That meant a lot to a kid with as much on his shoulders as Javier.
It had been early the past summer when things had started to change. In the past, Cam had changed gender almost randomly, and once he'd learned how to control himself better, he'd spent most of his time in male form. It was some time that summer that he'd started spending more and more time as a girl.
Javier spent every summer at Xavier's, and though Cameron usually went home, he'd stayed at Xavier's that past summer to take part in an acting workshop at a nearby college. He'd become interested in singing, and realized that his female voice was much stronger than his male voice. As a girl, he'd started taking vocal lessons. As a girl, he'd made friends in the town who couldn't know he was a mutant. As a girl, he'd started wearing makeup and dressing nicely. And as a 16 year old girl, he had become suddenly very attractive to an 18 year old Javier. An 18 year old Javier with a conservative Catholic upbringing. An 18 year old Javier who was not at all happy with being attracted to someone he knew best as a young man.
So he'd withdrawn. Cameron had asked what was wrong and he'd lied. He'd been cruel. Anything to get him to leave him alone.
He wasn't completely sure why he made such a big deal about it. Something from his upbringing, something about fags and a resistance to being any more of a freak than he already was. Like if he wasn't even nice to Cameron, he's stop being attracted to him. Right. He'd been trying to push Cameron away for what? Six months now? And he was more unhappy- and more attracted to Cameron- than before. And besides that, he had lost a friend. His best friend. He hadn't even realized that Cameron was his best friend until he'd lost him. And it had been his fault. Stupid!
And so Javier headed into the school cafeteria on the weekend after break with a head full of confusion and irritation. The Christmas holiday was over and the students who'd left were coming back. Cameron was back.
He entered the cafeteria and was met by several friends. He got his food without noticing what he was taking and was sitting down before he realized that he'd gotten a grilled cheese sandwich with ham instead of without. He was a vegetarian.
"You okay, man?" someone asked. Javier shrugged.
"A little tired, I guess," he lied. "I was out way too late last night. Any of you seen the new Jackie Chan movie?" That started a conversation he could duck out of and concentrate on not letting anyone see him scanning the cafeteria for Cameron. Only he was looking so hard, he almost missed him. Hell.
Cameron was with Marie. The two had been friends since Cameron had enrolled, but had become inseparable since the last summer. Ever since Javier had started being a jerk. Cameron was in his female form, and by the look of his tight jeans, he wasn't planning on becoming male any time soon. He was wearing a tight tee-shirt and new Doc Martins. He looked really, really good. Fuck.
Cameron scanned the room briefly, probably looking for a place to sit. He met Javier's eyes and didn't look away. Javier panicked and teleported himself out of the room.
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"Did you see that?" Cameron asked Marie. She nodded.
"It's official. He likes you. This proves it." They moved into the line for the hot food.
"How does this prove it?"
"Cam, listen to what your feelings are telling you. Act like a girl for once! He likes you. Period." They ate quickly and headed over to the auditorium, where there was a welcome back speech by the headmistress and a demonstration by members of the X-Men. Even though the students at the Academy knew they would probably never be able to join the team of mutant super-heroes, everyone knew who they were. All of the younger kids had their favorite X-Man, and even many of the older ones talked about them in reverent tones. Cameron and Marie sat on an aisle near the front and paid close attention to the presentations, which included a demonstration by Gambit- Marie's favorite X-Man- on six ways to disarm an opponent, and a show of sword fighting by Nightcrawler, who was, if Cameron recalled correctly, Javier's favorite. Cameron's favorite was Storm. She'd been the one to come to his home and talk to him and his parents about the institute. He still remembered seeing her for the first time- her dark-as- night skin, her white hair and flashing eyes- and feeling for the first time a little bit proud to be a mutant.
Marie elbowed him partway though the assistant-headmaster's dismissing remarks on security and the recent bout of underage drinking on campus.
"What?"
"Javier just came in. No, don't look. He's looking at you."
"Do I look okay?" Marie laughed.
"You look fine. You should go talk to him when we're done."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm dead sure." Cameron slouched down in his seat and looked around, pretending that he was stretching his neck. Javier stood by one of the doors, alone for once. He looked really good now that Cameron wasn't actively trying not to be attracted to him. Tall, thin but not too thin, dark hair and tan skin inherited from his Spanish mother, lips tight in a frown, dressed fashionably but casual enough to fit in amongst American teenagers.
Applause.
His heart was pounding.
The assistant headmistress was thanking the X-Men, shaking their hands. Joking with Nightcrawler over the advantages of having fur during New England winters.
His clothing was too constricting. He couldn't breath. He felt himself starting to change form and forced himself to breath out, to relax, to remain female. If he changed to male form in these pants, only God knew if he'd ever recover. Let alone be able to have children.
The X-men were coming down off of the stage, being mobbed by teenagers, children and adults. Gambit looked almost uncomfortable surrounded by a group of near hysterical females.
Cameron started to laugh. Marie looked up at him in surprise, and he pointed towards the stage.
"Look at Braun." Marie began to laugh too. Their friend had infiltrated the crowd around the attractive Cajun X-Man and was trying to get his attention, barely disguised lust showing plain on his face. Cameron looked back towards the door. For a minute, he couldn't see Javier. Then he spotted him turning and heading out of the auditorium. "I'm going. Wish me luck." Marie squeezed his arm.
"Good luck Cam." He squeezed through the crowd, grateful for his slimmer, more maneuverable female form. It was funny, but gaining the ability to change his gender had given Cameron a great appreciation of the different advantages of being male or being female. It was easier to move quickly and nimbly as a girl. It was easier to get himself heard as a guy. It was easier to get people to do what he wanted as a girl. People were less likely to bother a guy, but it was easier to win a fight when he was male. Cam did half of his required self-defense training in female form, because he knew that if he got into trouble as a girl, changing to male form so he could fight better would only get him in more trouble.
"Javier!" he called as he began to catch up. The older teen turned. A clear look of dismay passed over his face when he saw Cameron. Cam caught the look and nearly turned around right there, but got his nerve back and walked quickly up to Javier.
"Hi Cam."
"Hey. Can we go somewhere to talk?" Javier's jaw tightened, but he nodded.
"Hold still." Javier closed his eyes and Cam froze, unsure of what was about to happen. Then the world shifted and he was out in the trees behind the playground.
"How did you do that?" he gasped, clutching his throat in surprise, taking deep breaths to calm himself. Javier smiled for the first time since Cameron had seen him.
"I've been working a lot. Right before break I got permission to teleport one other person with me, as long as they weight less than I do."
"That is so cool!" Cam walked over to the swings, strongly aware of how he looked as he moved, wondering if Javier was watching him. He sat down and wrapped his arms around the chains. "Why did you stop hanging out with me all of the sudden," he blurted out. Javier froze. "It really hurt my feelings. I mean, we were friends." Javier sighed and rubbed his eyes with his hand.
"It was… I'm sorry. But things changed, I guess. I mean, it's weird for my best friend to totally turn into a girl all of the sudden.
"What are you talking about? You've known my power was to change genders since you met me." Javier threw up his hands in disgust. Cam sat quietly and watched the young man get control of his emotions. Despite what one might say about Brits and emotional constipation, Javier had a definite temper.
"But you… you never…" He growled in frustration. "Before, it was always like you couldn't help it. But with the play, and you getting into singing, all of the sudden it was like you… liked being a girl." Cam was reminded yet again of his current very female status. He wanted to say something, but Javier went on. "I mean, it used to be you'd get all ticked off when you changed into a girl, but then you started wearing dresses, and makeup, and it just freaked me out." There was a pause.
"You have female friends. Why would I be different?"
"Because I like you." Despite the joy that filled him at hearing that, Cameron found himself also angry. He stood and closed the distance between them with wide steps.
"And you treat everyone you like like shit?" He squared his shoulders and stood glaring up at the young man's face. Javier's eyes gleamed with something that could have been regret, but he didn't back off.
"I'm sorry." And he meant it. Cam didn't know how to react to that.
"Well what now? Do you think we can be friends again?"
"No."
"Why not?" Cameron exploded.
"Because I like you, okay? How many times do I have to fucking say it! I have a crush on you. I think you're hot. I have a crush on a boy!" Javier sat so quickly it was like someone had cut the strings holding him up. Cameron settled to the ground slower.
"Javier, I'm not a boy." The European looked at him with blank eyes. "I mean, okay, I was born male. But genetically, I'm not male or female. I have two X chromosomes, and one Y chromosome. Right now, I have all the characteristics of any other 17 year old girl." They were pretty close together at that point, and both highly aware of that fact. The tension was so thick Cam felt like laughing. I'm living a movie, he thought. All I need now is to get this right. Please get this right. "I like you a lot too. I want to go out with you. But you have to know that this is who I am. I mean, if you can't deal with that, than there's no way."
"It's… it's hard. My parents were very conservative. But they knew I was a mutant, and they still loved me. So… I don't know. Things happen." They sat and stared at each other for a long moment. Then Javier leaned forward and kissed Cameron. And Cameron kissed him back.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you've just finished reading this story and like it, please let me know. If you're finding things that bother you, PLEASE let me know. Feedback makes this author happy.
Thanks go to Queen Bamfie for sparking this idea. See my note at the end of 'He's Unsure…' for more details. I couldn't have gotten this part written if it hadn't been for two classes I've taken this year: Maureen Basha's 'Biology of the Human Body' and Corwin Kruse's 'Introduction to Sociology.' It was from those classes that my interest in gender was moved from just thinking about people not fitting into classic societal gender roles to thinking about people who don't fit into classic biological gender roles either. The information on intersexuality comes from those classes, and from the webpage for the Intersex Society of North America at http://www.isna.org.
One problem I encountered while writing this story came up with the issue of pronouns. As Cameron said 'if I wrote the story of my life / what pronouns would I use?' See, that was me talking. The author. Hi there. Cameron, as he said quite clearly, is not male. He's not female either. But for the sake of clarity, Cameron will be referred to by the third person narrator as a 'he.' I debated over this for a long time, but decided that changing pronouns (he when Cam is in male form, she when Cam's in female form) would just get confusing. And I did not want to refer to him as an 'it.' If anyone has a better solution, please let me know.