Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone.
A/n: please r/r
Chapter 9 – Telling Leila
It hadn't been easy for Claire after Sunday, and she had spent the last two days consoling herself and metaphorically 'licking her wounds'. She knew it was her own fault and it was up to her to try to put everything right, even if it meant losing some of her daughters love and respect and not having anything but friendship with Leila's father. If she could ever just be friends with John. And who was to say that he wanted her anyway, she thought she had felt some recognition of their past when she had looked at him during the dinner, but was that just because of the situation they had been in. Who was to say that he wasn't with another of his infamous girls anyway, and had he done that from the moment she had left him, left him alone to 'hang' with one or another of those pictured beauties he had had in his wallet. 'Thinking like this isn't helping' she considered.
As Leila had been out for most of the last two days, Claire was able to screen her calls quite effectively. Letting the machine pick them up she would only select those people she felt she needed to talk to. And one of those persons wasn't Brian right now, he must have left over two dozen messages and considering she hadn't heard from him in a while had guessed that he had given up trying, probably felt that if she needed him she would ring. The one thing she knew she shouldn't do was keep Brian involved, she had to stand up for herself and work this out, to keep running would be the biggest mistake of her life if she hadn't already made it by not believing in John in the first place. If she loved him so much why did she believe, so long ago, that she couldn't rely on him.
She had rung Allison and they had talked for over an hour or so and some of the things that Allison had said made sense. And the first thing Allison had told Claire to do was tell Leila, after all Claire had been determined to tell her anyway it had just been a question of when. Allison had told her to do it as soon as possible. 'If only she were here now,' she thought 'now would be as good a time as any other.'
The phone began to ring for the umpteenth time that day and she listened intently for the voice, but no one said anything, there was just a void, a black space of nothing on her machine. Then it was gone, whoever it had been hung up. Claire checked the number and realised it was one she didn't recognise, but decided that it would have been withheld if it were one of those weirdo crank callers. She made a note of the number on the pad by the phone and went back into the living room to console herself once again.
***
"Hey there sleepy head, wake up my love" John lent in and gently kissed her lips so that her eyes fluttered open.
"Mmm. I love it when you wake me up like that. If only we could be like this forever." Claire said as she watched him sit back on his heels, wearing nothing but the silk boxers she had bought him for his birthday. He observed her bemused, studying the looks she was giving him. She made her way up his body until her eyes met his, those dark smouldering eyes with that hint of wickedness that she loved. And his hair unruly as ever but so endearing. She smiled and he followed suit. Bringing her arm out of its cocoon of covers she reached out and pushed his hair back over his ears. He moved his head slightly so that he was able to caress her wrist with his lips as well as find the exposed flesh at her neck with his left hand.
"Mum"
Touching and caressing carefully and slowly they soon found themselves in a passionate embrace, cuddling, kissing, loving.
"Mum"
Leila watched as her mother seemed to be enjoying whoever it was she was enjoying, writhing about on the sofa she seemed to have made her resting place for the last two days. Something was definitely up. "Mum" she shouted a third time and gave Claire a push to try and bring her back into the real world.
"Mmm," Claire breathed "I love it when you do that!"
Leila, dazed and confused by the turn of events, began to shake her mother as much as she dare to bring her back to reality. Claire, shocked at the violence of it all, sat up abruptly with eyes distant, where was she? What was she doing? Where was John? It was then she was able to comprehend, recognised the dream from events past, it had been the moment that Leila had been conceived, ironic then that it was Leila who had pulled her from this dream. 'There is no time like the present' she thought.
"Mum are you okay. I couldn't help but notice you having some weird dream."
"Leila I'm fine, really, please don't look so worried. Just do me a favour and sit down, there's something I need to tell you" Claire said.
Obediently she sat opposite her mother and rested her hands together between her knees, she always had done that when she thought she was in trouble and Claire was familiar with the worry immediately. "It's nothing you've done, its something I've done."
"Mum, what? What could you have possibly done to make yourself look so wretched, so …"
Wretched eh? "I have done something terrible, I have lied to you, to Brian, to your uncle, to myself … and worst of all to your father."
"My father? What has my father gotta do with this? You told me he was dead, he is dead isn't he, mum?"
Leila looked so lost, Claire thought; immediately Claire's eyes began to fill up. "I'm such a horrible person I don't deserve anyone's love and when you know the truth I guess you won't want to love me either."
"Mum" anger now appeared in Leila's voice, exactly like it had in John's two nights previously. "What the hell is going on?"
By this time Claire was sobbing, her body rocking with the convulsions of tears running through her. "Your father … your father …"
"YES!!!"
"Your father is alive, he's a critic at the 'Tribune', … he's not dead … there was never any accident."
Leila got up from her seat and began to pace, up and down the room. Claire just watched silently, the odd cry escaping her lips every few moments. Leila's eyes were glazed but she refused to cry, she just became more and more annoyed with every step she took. When she was ready to find out more she stopped still in front of Claire, turned to face her and asked "Why?"
"Why what?
"Why did it take you sixteen years to tell me the truth? Has it got something to do with that damned reunion? And if it has, mum … were you ever going to tell me the truth?"
"I don't know," Claire said weakly, her spirit gone, it was the only thing she could say.
Leila looked away briefly, when she returned to eye her mother, Claire could see hatred. "I thought I knew you, mum. Thought you loved and cared for me enough to let me know what had happened to John, but you don't. I don't understand you, I don't KNOW YOU, and I now don't know whether I ever have. I love you, I will always love you but I will never trust you again." With that she stormed from the room and the last thing Claire heard was Leila slamming the front door behind her.
Claire's heart was broken, over the course of two days she had managed to alienate the two people she loved most in the world, and possibly three if she kept missing Brian's calls, and now it seemed like she was losing everything else. But then Brian had warned her, he had told her that Leila was more likely to react in the way that she had than to try and calm her mother and maybe endeavour to fix the hurting, but instead of getting better it was getting ten times worse. And all she could do was cry, she didn't even know where the tears were coming from after a while but they just kept on coming. 'Talk about "Cry me a River"' she had thought. It was about 2 am when she finally found sleep, sleep from wretchedness and weakness rather than that of solace. She was alone, no family, no friends, totally alone … forever. It would take a miracle to get everything straight, this mess that she and she alone had made for herself. And in her sleep her dreams were no better, tormenting and torturing her about what could have been if she had only made different choices in life.
A/n: please r/r
Chapter 9 – Telling Leila
It hadn't been easy for Claire after Sunday, and she had spent the last two days consoling herself and metaphorically 'licking her wounds'. She knew it was her own fault and it was up to her to try to put everything right, even if it meant losing some of her daughters love and respect and not having anything but friendship with Leila's father. If she could ever just be friends with John. And who was to say that he wanted her anyway, she thought she had felt some recognition of their past when she had looked at him during the dinner, but was that just because of the situation they had been in. Who was to say that he wasn't with another of his infamous girls anyway, and had he done that from the moment she had left him, left him alone to 'hang' with one or another of those pictured beauties he had had in his wallet. 'Thinking like this isn't helping' she considered.
As Leila had been out for most of the last two days, Claire was able to screen her calls quite effectively. Letting the machine pick them up she would only select those people she felt she needed to talk to. And one of those persons wasn't Brian right now, he must have left over two dozen messages and considering she hadn't heard from him in a while had guessed that he had given up trying, probably felt that if she needed him she would ring. The one thing she knew she shouldn't do was keep Brian involved, she had to stand up for herself and work this out, to keep running would be the biggest mistake of her life if she hadn't already made it by not believing in John in the first place. If she loved him so much why did she believe, so long ago, that she couldn't rely on him.
She had rung Allison and they had talked for over an hour or so and some of the things that Allison had said made sense. And the first thing Allison had told Claire to do was tell Leila, after all Claire had been determined to tell her anyway it had just been a question of when. Allison had told her to do it as soon as possible. 'If only she were here now,' she thought 'now would be as good a time as any other.'
The phone began to ring for the umpteenth time that day and she listened intently for the voice, but no one said anything, there was just a void, a black space of nothing on her machine. Then it was gone, whoever it had been hung up. Claire checked the number and realised it was one she didn't recognise, but decided that it would have been withheld if it were one of those weirdo crank callers. She made a note of the number on the pad by the phone and went back into the living room to console herself once again.
***
"Hey there sleepy head, wake up my love" John lent in and gently kissed her lips so that her eyes fluttered open.
"Mmm. I love it when you wake me up like that. If only we could be like this forever." Claire said as she watched him sit back on his heels, wearing nothing but the silk boxers she had bought him for his birthday. He observed her bemused, studying the looks she was giving him. She made her way up his body until her eyes met his, those dark smouldering eyes with that hint of wickedness that she loved. And his hair unruly as ever but so endearing. She smiled and he followed suit. Bringing her arm out of its cocoon of covers she reached out and pushed his hair back over his ears. He moved his head slightly so that he was able to caress her wrist with his lips as well as find the exposed flesh at her neck with his left hand.
"Mum"
Touching and caressing carefully and slowly they soon found themselves in a passionate embrace, cuddling, kissing, loving.
"Mum"
Leila watched as her mother seemed to be enjoying whoever it was she was enjoying, writhing about on the sofa she seemed to have made her resting place for the last two days. Something was definitely up. "Mum" she shouted a third time and gave Claire a push to try and bring her back into the real world.
"Mmm," Claire breathed "I love it when you do that!"
Leila, dazed and confused by the turn of events, began to shake her mother as much as she dare to bring her back to reality. Claire, shocked at the violence of it all, sat up abruptly with eyes distant, where was she? What was she doing? Where was John? It was then she was able to comprehend, recognised the dream from events past, it had been the moment that Leila had been conceived, ironic then that it was Leila who had pulled her from this dream. 'There is no time like the present' she thought.
"Mum are you okay. I couldn't help but notice you having some weird dream."
"Leila I'm fine, really, please don't look so worried. Just do me a favour and sit down, there's something I need to tell you" Claire said.
Obediently she sat opposite her mother and rested her hands together between her knees, she always had done that when she thought she was in trouble and Claire was familiar with the worry immediately. "It's nothing you've done, its something I've done."
"Mum, what? What could you have possibly done to make yourself look so wretched, so …"
Wretched eh? "I have done something terrible, I have lied to you, to Brian, to your uncle, to myself … and worst of all to your father."
"My father? What has my father gotta do with this? You told me he was dead, he is dead isn't he, mum?"
Leila looked so lost, Claire thought; immediately Claire's eyes began to fill up. "I'm such a horrible person I don't deserve anyone's love and when you know the truth I guess you won't want to love me either."
"Mum" anger now appeared in Leila's voice, exactly like it had in John's two nights previously. "What the hell is going on?"
By this time Claire was sobbing, her body rocking with the convulsions of tears running through her. "Your father … your father …"
"YES!!!"
"Your father is alive, he's a critic at the 'Tribune', … he's not dead … there was never any accident."
Leila got up from her seat and began to pace, up and down the room. Claire just watched silently, the odd cry escaping her lips every few moments. Leila's eyes were glazed but she refused to cry, she just became more and more annoyed with every step she took. When she was ready to find out more she stopped still in front of Claire, turned to face her and asked "Why?"
"Why what?
"Why did it take you sixteen years to tell me the truth? Has it got something to do with that damned reunion? And if it has, mum … were you ever going to tell me the truth?"
"I don't know," Claire said weakly, her spirit gone, it was the only thing she could say.
Leila looked away briefly, when she returned to eye her mother, Claire could see hatred. "I thought I knew you, mum. Thought you loved and cared for me enough to let me know what had happened to John, but you don't. I don't understand you, I don't KNOW YOU, and I now don't know whether I ever have. I love you, I will always love you but I will never trust you again." With that she stormed from the room and the last thing Claire heard was Leila slamming the front door behind her.
Claire's heart was broken, over the course of two days she had managed to alienate the two people she loved most in the world, and possibly three if she kept missing Brian's calls, and now it seemed like she was losing everything else. But then Brian had warned her, he had told her that Leila was more likely to react in the way that she had than to try and calm her mother and maybe endeavour to fix the hurting, but instead of getting better it was getting ten times worse. And all she could do was cry, she didn't even know where the tears were coming from after a while but they just kept on coming. 'Talk about "Cry me a River"' she had thought. It was about 2 am when she finally found sleep, sleep from wretchedness and weakness rather than that of solace. She was alone, no family, no friends, totally alone … forever. It would take a miracle to get everything straight, this mess that she and she alone had made for herself. And in her sleep her dreams were no better, tormenting and torturing her about what could have been if she had only made different choices in life.