Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone.
A/n: please r/r
Chapter 14 – Reconciliation?
"Come on Claire," Brian said totally frustrated. He had to get her out of her house before she turned suicidal, and so that phase two of 'Operation Reconciliation' could take shape. "You look absolutely wrecked, wouldn't you like to get yourself sorted out and go shopping or something."
"Not particularly, Brian. And what exact role are you going to have. Chief bag handler?"
"Sarcasm was always your strong point wasn't it. Look, Allison phoned me last night because she couldn't get hold of you, she wants to meet you in the city, see if she can help to cheer you up. She also wants some advice on where the best clothing shops, and beauty salons are; I can't give her any information on anything like that can I? Anyway, I said I would try to get you to go, and even take you in to meet her if you wanted me to."
"Brian, look at me, do I look like I really want to face the outside world?" Claire spat out.
"No, you look like someone who has got this enormous great chip on their shoulder. Get a grip will you. Allison isn't going to be concerned about how you look, she's only going to be upset if you don't show."
Claire stared at him. Maybe he was right. Maybe she did need to sort herself, get herself going again, and forget about John. 'John who?' she began to think.
"Snap out of it, Claire. I said I would try to get you two together by about 10. If you don't get ready soon your going to be late."
"Okay, okay, Brian. Who died and made you Pope." He glared at her wryly. "I'm sorry, I know your only trying to help."
"Yes, well any more remarks like that and I'll consider removing you from my Christmas list" he joked.
Claire sniggered, it must have been the first happy emotion she had had over the last four days, and she was glad of it, it began to make things look different. Not that huge developments with her and Leila or John's relationships were going to drastically improve very soon. "Okay, I'm up, I'll just get myself showered and ready and then you can drop me in the city as promised."
"Thank god, just don't take hours to get ready will you." She heard Brian call out as she made her way upstairs to the bathroom.
As soon as Claire was safely tucked away in the bathroom, Leila sneaked from her room and went downstairs to talk to Brian. She had so far managed to keep up the pretence with Claire that she wasn't happy with what her mum had done, and although it had seemed to make Claire more depressed than she deserved, it meant she would hopefully be in a tolerable mood later on when she returned home from her trip out with Allison. Gaining Andy and Allison's help had been easy; they, along with the rest of them couldn't wait to see John and Claire back together, they only hoped it would be sooner rather than later.
"How's it going so far?" Leila said quietly to Brian.
"Well, I've at least managed to get her interested in this trip, so then all we've got to do is make sure we can keep her out for a while too."
"Brian, I reckon dad, Andy and I can get finished in a couple of hours but I'm sure that you and Allison can keep her occupied for a little longer than that."
"We'll try our best for you, Leila," he said affectionately, "just make sure your dad knows what he's going to say to her so he doesn't mess up."
"I'll make sure he's prepared" Leila responded, "Sounds like mum's on her way back down." She nodded to Brian 007 style, grabbed herself a bowl of cereal from the kitchen, pushed the headphones of her personal cd player over her ears and made her way back up the stairs pushing past Claire, who by this time was on her way back down. Reaching the bottom step, remorse swept through Claire and she sighed heavily.
Brian put his arm around her shoulder. "Look, Claire, she just needs time to get used to the idea."
"I know, I just wish I could take back the last sixteen years, even if I still had left her father - in scenario B, I should have told her the truth from the very beginning."
"Stop crucifying yourself over it. I'm sure things will turn out okay in the end."
"Brian stop kidding yourself, things never turn out okay, never turn out the way you want them to."
"No, right. So that's why the five of us became very close friends eighteen years ago was it. Claire, don't you realise even now, all you've got to do is make a stand, instead of taking a stand in front of your 'richie' friends though this time, you have to take a stand up to your emotions." She motioned for him to continue. "You want John don't you?" She nodded. "Then forget what your head is telling you at the moment and follow your heart, if you need help finding him I will do my best to help and I'm sure Allison and Andy will do the same, I also know that Leila will thank you for it too."
"But what if he doesn't want me, Brian. If that happened I think I'd die."
"Point being, if you don't ask you will never know, and if you never know you may as well be dead anyway. Until you can face up to reality, you can never love again, Claire."
"Your right. Okay, I need to find him and ask him how he feels but I think right now I need to be pampered a bit."
"Good, your chariot awaits ma'am."
Leila, watched from her window to see when Brian's car had pulled away from the house and had disappeared around the corner of the street. Picking up her cell phone she rang John, who was sitting in his car a little way down the street and had also seen them leave. "Are you and Andy ready?" Leila asked.
"As ready as we will ever be." John answered
"Good lets get started." Leila said.
***
"Okay, so the music's ready, the wine is on ice, and you do know what you are going to say to mum, don't you dad?" Leila said straightening John's tie, they had all felt that on an occasion such as this a decent suit was warranted, so John had made sure that his best was up to scratch before bringing it over with him. Leila surveyed the man before her; she couldn't believe it was the same person from this morning let alone from his pictures. He and Andy had turned up two minutes after Claire and Brian had left. John had looked rough then, like he'd had a restless night, and as if to quantify her questioning face he had simply said, "I didn't sleep". She had let him wander through the house so that he could get a feel for Claire and how she now lived. Leila assumed he was pleased given his reaction, especially with the lilac walls in Claire's study and examining some of her work attached to the cork tiles. "This stuff is pretty good" he said to himself more that to anyone else.
"If only mum could see you now, I'm sure she would welcome you back with open arms if she saw you standing there like that."
"What do you mean by that exactly?" John had asked her.
"Well you and the house seem to harmonize one another, almost like you're one with it."
"Mmm. Maybe. Look Leila, I don't think we should dwell too much on what might happen, your mother might not accept me yet."
"If she doesn't she's a fool," Leila retorted.
"She'll have her reasons, you know. Perhaps we had better get started."
And in little over an hour they had accomplished what they had set out to do. It was now time for John to get changed. Leila showed him where the bathroom was situated and showed him into what had appeared to be Claire's bedroom. Not entirely sure why Leila had put him in there, he placed his suit out on the bed and made his way to the bathroom with his kit to make himself more presentable. After showering and shaving, he made his way back into the bedroom and began to put on his suit. Briefly looking around the room he noticed her dresser and made a beeline for it. Contemplating what to do he decided that he was going to find out exactly what Claire had in her jewellery box. Opening the drawer he immediately recognised the ornate box as the one he had given Brian years before and pulled it out from where it sat. He looked at himself in the mirror and thought 'you gave up being a criminal a long time ago', but it did not deter him. Opening the lid he immediately located the diamond earring, and pushing it to one side was able to pull out the photos that were lying on the bottom. The first few were of the five of them, one at the prom, one at one of Andy's meets, one at the local café they had always met at each week and the final one of them all in the library where they had all first met. Then came the ones of the two of them and he wasn't ready for his reaction to them either. When she had left him she had taken very few possessions with her, and as far as he had been aware she had never taken any photos of them together either, 'she must have had them copied before she went' he thought. The memory of her leaving was hard for him to bear and he remembered painfully that he had thought she had left him because she didn't love him, 'if she had why would she have left all of our photos behind' he had kept telling himself then. But it now became apparent that the reason she had left was not down to not loving him, in fact quite the opposite – she had loved him and still did. Shuffling through the pictures and trying to keep back the tears that welled in his eyes he noticed a piece of paper. Pulling it from the pile he became aware that it was folded and so he opened it up. It was a note addressed to him, and read:
Dear John, I cannot express how much I love you but know this, you may not think at the moment I do but I do, very much and always will. Two weeks ago I found out that I was expecting our baby, I was overjoyed but I have since begun to believe that you don't want anything to do with having a family at the moment. That is fine, I, however, have to accept responsibility for my actions, as I know you would too, but I can't bring a baby into our family knowing that you will not ultimately love them, as perhaps your father had done to you. I'm sorry to do this to you, so very sorry my love, but I must leave and find my own way – please do not try to find me. My love is yours forever. Claire.
John couldn't believe it, why hadn't she left this note for him, why had she simply left a note saying, "I'm sorry" and left without another word. Determined to find out the answer to this one undeniable question, John replaced everything back into the box, and in its turn the box back in the drawer. He finished dressing, left everything in the bedroom as he had found it and made his way downstairs. Leila met him at the bottom "You look good, dad" she said "not that you didn't this morning in you jeans and checked shirt but the suit is a more sophisticated touch, very dashing, mum won't be able to resist." She straightened his tie and questioned him on what he was going to say. What he had been going to say he now believed could come later. If they were ever to get over what had happened all those years ago they had to start the new phase of their relationship on trust, and that meant questioning Claire about the note.
***
Claire, Brian and Allison arrived back at Claire's house just after 2 pm. As she had enjoyed her day with them both tremendously, she had decided to invite both of them back to continue from where they had left off, and after all that had suited Brian and Allison very well – they needed to know what was going to happen with the next phase.
"Is your dad ready?" Andy asked Leila, as he looked out though the front bedroom window.
"Yes" Leila exclaimed, as she looked out the back.
"Okay they've parked up" Andy threw back.
Leila signalled for her dad to start the music, and John noticing the signal from his daughter did exactly that. The soulful croon of Ella Fitzgerald and 'Ev'ry time we say goodbye' swept through the garden and over the house, finding its way to the car parked out front and the occupants that were getting out from it.
"God, someone's got their music on loud around here," Brian said
"Yeah," recognising the song but dubious that it was coming from a neighbour's house. "So come on in, I'll make some tea, and as its nice perhaps we can sit our back."
Brian and Allison agreed and followed her into the house.
"What a lovely place you have here, Claire" Allison said
"It's very nice isn't it, I'm quite envious as Claire got a really good deal with this place." Brain replied following Claire through to the kitchen, "You got a great deal, didn't you?"
It was obvious that Claire wasn't listening as she replied to neither one of them. Putting the kettle on to boil she allowed the words of the song to flow through her mind, she hadn't heard it in such a long time but she still remembered, John used to sing it to her, it had become one of their songs, a secret song, they had never told anybody. Walking over to the cabinet by the back window, she retrieved her teapot. It was then that she became aware that in fact the song was definitely not coming from a neighbour's it was coming from her garden. She proceeded to make her way through the back door and on to the porch, stopping abruptly as she couldn't believe what she saw. In the middle of her lawn a gazebo had been set up and white, cream and pale pink roses had been threaded through the sides and over the roof. Further obscuring her vision were chiffon drapes around each of the sides also. It was exquisite. She realised that the music was coming from that direction and began to walk over to it. As she approached its entrance she had to turn slightly and noticed a figure sitting on one of her garden seats beneath it all. She pulled up, her breath became short and she felt her pulse quicken. She looked over her shoulder and noticed that Leila was standing on the porch, accompanied by Brian, Andrew and Allison, meaning only one thing, John was inside the tent waiting for her.
Her confidence rocked but she pulled it together and entered. John got to his feet and took her hand, leading the way over to another one of her seats, allowing her to seat herself he made his way back to the other chair and retook his position. "Hi" she said, nervously.
"Hi" he replied, so softly that she couldn't believe that this man before her was the same man that had bodily moved her and shouted at her on Sunday evening. 'But then he did always have a fiery temper' she thought, 'perhaps he has learned to manage it better these days.' "How you doin', Claire?" he asked her.
"Fine" she replied taking in the sight of him before her, he was certainly dressed very well, wearing the most remarkable suit she had ever seen, teamed with a crisp white shirt and mauve silk tie. "You?" she enquired.
"Yeah good," hesitating a little before continuing, "I'm sorry about Sunday, I should never have flown of the handle like I did."
"Its okay. If the truth be known then I deserved it, I deserve everything awful you need to dish out my way, I've behaved so badly, its me that should apologise."
"Mmm. Well. I came here today to ask you a question." He was agitated. "I wanted to find out how you felt about me and I realised yesterday when I spoke to Leila that you still loved me, like I still love you."
"Oh."
"Claire, I can't deny how I feel but I need to know why you left."
"I told you on Sunday."
"No you avoided the question, like you did when we all bullied you about being a virgin remember?"
"Yes" she said quietly.
"Okay, I'll state some facts and you answer yes or no, alright?"
"Yes."
"You left me because you were pregnant with Leila?"
"No."
"You left me because you didn't love me? Although I think I already know the answer to this one."
"No."
"You left me because you thought that with everything that had happened between me and my father, I wouldn't want to be a father to my child?"
He had hit the nail on the head. With her reaction the way it had been, he knew the truth. She was left to wonder how he had come to that conclusion. "How … did you … know?"
"Lucky guess!"
"I don't believe that" Claire said, her head reeling.
"Leila showed me into you bedroom earlier on so that I had some privacy when I got changed. She had already told me about the box and the drawer, it was just a question of whether I could bring myself to look in it. I'm sorry to say my conscience got the better of me and the next thing I knew I was looking through all of our old photographs. Because you had made copies of all of our photos made me realise that you loved me when you walked out, it was then that I noticed you note, I guess you wrote it before the one you actually left on my dresser. Why couldn't you just have said something, a piece of my heart went missing the day you left and I have never been able to fill it again. I used to keep thinking that if you would only come back to me that it would all be okay. In all the years we were apart I have had very few girlfriends and even fewer physical relations with them. I just couldn't bring myself to do it – I guess I felt like I was being unfaithful or something."
Claire just sat there, bewildered, not knowing what to do or say.
"I came here today to ask you to be mine, to ask you to become my wife once and for all but I can't do that now, I'm sorry, I have to know I trust you and at the moment I don't." He got up from his seat and made his way out of the gazebo, looking across at Leila he could see confusion, she expected him to be happy, but how could he be when he didn't know how to forgive Claire and to begin to trust her. Making his way around the outside of the house he found his car, got in and drove off.
Leila rushed over to the tent and went inside, "Mum? Are you okay?"
"No" Claire wailed, Ella still singing away in her ears " My heart has been broken into a million pieces, I think I might shrivel up and die."
A/n: please r/r
Chapter 14 – Reconciliation?
"Come on Claire," Brian said totally frustrated. He had to get her out of her house before she turned suicidal, and so that phase two of 'Operation Reconciliation' could take shape. "You look absolutely wrecked, wouldn't you like to get yourself sorted out and go shopping or something."
"Not particularly, Brian. And what exact role are you going to have. Chief bag handler?"
"Sarcasm was always your strong point wasn't it. Look, Allison phoned me last night because she couldn't get hold of you, she wants to meet you in the city, see if she can help to cheer you up. She also wants some advice on where the best clothing shops, and beauty salons are; I can't give her any information on anything like that can I? Anyway, I said I would try to get you to go, and even take you in to meet her if you wanted me to."
"Brian, look at me, do I look like I really want to face the outside world?" Claire spat out.
"No, you look like someone who has got this enormous great chip on their shoulder. Get a grip will you. Allison isn't going to be concerned about how you look, she's only going to be upset if you don't show."
Claire stared at him. Maybe he was right. Maybe she did need to sort herself, get herself going again, and forget about John. 'John who?' she began to think.
"Snap out of it, Claire. I said I would try to get you two together by about 10. If you don't get ready soon your going to be late."
"Okay, okay, Brian. Who died and made you Pope." He glared at her wryly. "I'm sorry, I know your only trying to help."
"Yes, well any more remarks like that and I'll consider removing you from my Christmas list" he joked.
Claire sniggered, it must have been the first happy emotion she had had over the last four days, and she was glad of it, it began to make things look different. Not that huge developments with her and Leila or John's relationships were going to drastically improve very soon. "Okay, I'm up, I'll just get myself showered and ready and then you can drop me in the city as promised."
"Thank god, just don't take hours to get ready will you." She heard Brian call out as she made her way upstairs to the bathroom.
As soon as Claire was safely tucked away in the bathroom, Leila sneaked from her room and went downstairs to talk to Brian. She had so far managed to keep up the pretence with Claire that she wasn't happy with what her mum had done, and although it had seemed to make Claire more depressed than she deserved, it meant she would hopefully be in a tolerable mood later on when she returned home from her trip out with Allison. Gaining Andy and Allison's help had been easy; they, along with the rest of them couldn't wait to see John and Claire back together, they only hoped it would be sooner rather than later.
"How's it going so far?" Leila said quietly to Brian.
"Well, I've at least managed to get her interested in this trip, so then all we've got to do is make sure we can keep her out for a while too."
"Brian, I reckon dad, Andy and I can get finished in a couple of hours but I'm sure that you and Allison can keep her occupied for a little longer than that."
"We'll try our best for you, Leila," he said affectionately, "just make sure your dad knows what he's going to say to her so he doesn't mess up."
"I'll make sure he's prepared" Leila responded, "Sounds like mum's on her way back down." She nodded to Brian 007 style, grabbed herself a bowl of cereal from the kitchen, pushed the headphones of her personal cd player over her ears and made her way back up the stairs pushing past Claire, who by this time was on her way back down. Reaching the bottom step, remorse swept through Claire and she sighed heavily.
Brian put his arm around her shoulder. "Look, Claire, she just needs time to get used to the idea."
"I know, I just wish I could take back the last sixteen years, even if I still had left her father - in scenario B, I should have told her the truth from the very beginning."
"Stop crucifying yourself over it. I'm sure things will turn out okay in the end."
"Brian stop kidding yourself, things never turn out okay, never turn out the way you want them to."
"No, right. So that's why the five of us became very close friends eighteen years ago was it. Claire, don't you realise even now, all you've got to do is make a stand, instead of taking a stand in front of your 'richie' friends though this time, you have to take a stand up to your emotions." She motioned for him to continue. "You want John don't you?" She nodded. "Then forget what your head is telling you at the moment and follow your heart, if you need help finding him I will do my best to help and I'm sure Allison and Andy will do the same, I also know that Leila will thank you for it too."
"But what if he doesn't want me, Brian. If that happened I think I'd die."
"Point being, if you don't ask you will never know, and if you never know you may as well be dead anyway. Until you can face up to reality, you can never love again, Claire."
"Your right. Okay, I need to find him and ask him how he feels but I think right now I need to be pampered a bit."
"Good, your chariot awaits ma'am."
Leila, watched from her window to see when Brian's car had pulled away from the house and had disappeared around the corner of the street. Picking up her cell phone she rang John, who was sitting in his car a little way down the street and had also seen them leave. "Are you and Andy ready?" Leila asked.
"As ready as we will ever be." John answered
"Good lets get started." Leila said.
***
"Okay, so the music's ready, the wine is on ice, and you do know what you are going to say to mum, don't you dad?" Leila said straightening John's tie, they had all felt that on an occasion such as this a decent suit was warranted, so John had made sure that his best was up to scratch before bringing it over with him. Leila surveyed the man before her; she couldn't believe it was the same person from this morning let alone from his pictures. He and Andy had turned up two minutes after Claire and Brian had left. John had looked rough then, like he'd had a restless night, and as if to quantify her questioning face he had simply said, "I didn't sleep". She had let him wander through the house so that he could get a feel for Claire and how she now lived. Leila assumed he was pleased given his reaction, especially with the lilac walls in Claire's study and examining some of her work attached to the cork tiles. "This stuff is pretty good" he said to himself more that to anyone else.
"If only mum could see you now, I'm sure she would welcome you back with open arms if she saw you standing there like that."
"What do you mean by that exactly?" John had asked her.
"Well you and the house seem to harmonize one another, almost like you're one with it."
"Mmm. Maybe. Look Leila, I don't think we should dwell too much on what might happen, your mother might not accept me yet."
"If she doesn't she's a fool," Leila retorted.
"She'll have her reasons, you know. Perhaps we had better get started."
And in little over an hour they had accomplished what they had set out to do. It was now time for John to get changed. Leila showed him where the bathroom was situated and showed him into what had appeared to be Claire's bedroom. Not entirely sure why Leila had put him in there, he placed his suit out on the bed and made his way to the bathroom with his kit to make himself more presentable. After showering and shaving, he made his way back into the bedroom and began to put on his suit. Briefly looking around the room he noticed her dresser and made a beeline for it. Contemplating what to do he decided that he was going to find out exactly what Claire had in her jewellery box. Opening the drawer he immediately recognised the ornate box as the one he had given Brian years before and pulled it out from where it sat. He looked at himself in the mirror and thought 'you gave up being a criminal a long time ago', but it did not deter him. Opening the lid he immediately located the diamond earring, and pushing it to one side was able to pull out the photos that were lying on the bottom. The first few were of the five of them, one at the prom, one at one of Andy's meets, one at the local café they had always met at each week and the final one of them all in the library where they had all first met. Then came the ones of the two of them and he wasn't ready for his reaction to them either. When she had left him she had taken very few possessions with her, and as far as he had been aware she had never taken any photos of them together either, 'she must have had them copied before she went' he thought. The memory of her leaving was hard for him to bear and he remembered painfully that he had thought she had left him because she didn't love him, 'if she had why would she have left all of our photos behind' he had kept telling himself then. But it now became apparent that the reason she had left was not down to not loving him, in fact quite the opposite – she had loved him and still did. Shuffling through the pictures and trying to keep back the tears that welled in his eyes he noticed a piece of paper. Pulling it from the pile he became aware that it was folded and so he opened it up. It was a note addressed to him, and read:
Dear John, I cannot express how much I love you but know this, you may not think at the moment I do but I do, very much and always will. Two weeks ago I found out that I was expecting our baby, I was overjoyed but I have since begun to believe that you don't want anything to do with having a family at the moment. That is fine, I, however, have to accept responsibility for my actions, as I know you would too, but I can't bring a baby into our family knowing that you will not ultimately love them, as perhaps your father had done to you. I'm sorry to do this to you, so very sorry my love, but I must leave and find my own way – please do not try to find me. My love is yours forever. Claire.
John couldn't believe it, why hadn't she left this note for him, why had she simply left a note saying, "I'm sorry" and left without another word. Determined to find out the answer to this one undeniable question, John replaced everything back into the box, and in its turn the box back in the drawer. He finished dressing, left everything in the bedroom as he had found it and made his way downstairs. Leila met him at the bottom "You look good, dad" she said "not that you didn't this morning in you jeans and checked shirt but the suit is a more sophisticated touch, very dashing, mum won't be able to resist." She straightened his tie and questioned him on what he was going to say. What he had been going to say he now believed could come later. If they were ever to get over what had happened all those years ago they had to start the new phase of their relationship on trust, and that meant questioning Claire about the note.
***
Claire, Brian and Allison arrived back at Claire's house just after 2 pm. As she had enjoyed her day with them both tremendously, she had decided to invite both of them back to continue from where they had left off, and after all that had suited Brian and Allison very well – they needed to know what was going to happen with the next phase.
"Is your dad ready?" Andy asked Leila, as he looked out though the front bedroom window.
"Yes" Leila exclaimed, as she looked out the back.
"Okay they've parked up" Andy threw back.
Leila signalled for her dad to start the music, and John noticing the signal from his daughter did exactly that. The soulful croon of Ella Fitzgerald and 'Ev'ry time we say goodbye' swept through the garden and over the house, finding its way to the car parked out front and the occupants that were getting out from it.
"God, someone's got their music on loud around here," Brian said
"Yeah," recognising the song but dubious that it was coming from a neighbour's house. "So come on in, I'll make some tea, and as its nice perhaps we can sit our back."
Brian and Allison agreed and followed her into the house.
"What a lovely place you have here, Claire" Allison said
"It's very nice isn't it, I'm quite envious as Claire got a really good deal with this place." Brain replied following Claire through to the kitchen, "You got a great deal, didn't you?"
It was obvious that Claire wasn't listening as she replied to neither one of them. Putting the kettle on to boil she allowed the words of the song to flow through her mind, she hadn't heard it in such a long time but she still remembered, John used to sing it to her, it had become one of their songs, a secret song, they had never told anybody. Walking over to the cabinet by the back window, she retrieved her teapot. It was then that she became aware that in fact the song was definitely not coming from a neighbour's it was coming from her garden. She proceeded to make her way through the back door and on to the porch, stopping abruptly as she couldn't believe what she saw. In the middle of her lawn a gazebo had been set up and white, cream and pale pink roses had been threaded through the sides and over the roof. Further obscuring her vision were chiffon drapes around each of the sides also. It was exquisite. She realised that the music was coming from that direction and began to walk over to it. As she approached its entrance she had to turn slightly and noticed a figure sitting on one of her garden seats beneath it all. She pulled up, her breath became short and she felt her pulse quicken. She looked over her shoulder and noticed that Leila was standing on the porch, accompanied by Brian, Andrew and Allison, meaning only one thing, John was inside the tent waiting for her.
Her confidence rocked but she pulled it together and entered. John got to his feet and took her hand, leading the way over to another one of her seats, allowing her to seat herself he made his way back to the other chair and retook his position. "Hi" she said, nervously.
"Hi" he replied, so softly that she couldn't believe that this man before her was the same man that had bodily moved her and shouted at her on Sunday evening. 'But then he did always have a fiery temper' she thought, 'perhaps he has learned to manage it better these days.' "How you doin', Claire?" he asked her.
"Fine" she replied taking in the sight of him before her, he was certainly dressed very well, wearing the most remarkable suit she had ever seen, teamed with a crisp white shirt and mauve silk tie. "You?" she enquired.
"Yeah good," hesitating a little before continuing, "I'm sorry about Sunday, I should never have flown of the handle like I did."
"Its okay. If the truth be known then I deserved it, I deserve everything awful you need to dish out my way, I've behaved so badly, its me that should apologise."
"Mmm. Well. I came here today to ask you a question." He was agitated. "I wanted to find out how you felt about me and I realised yesterday when I spoke to Leila that you still loved me, like I still love you."
"Oh."
"Claire, I can't deny how I feel but I need to know why you left."
"I told you on Sunday."
"No you avoided the question, like you did when we all bullied you about being a virgin remember?"
"Yes" she said quietly.
"Okay, I'll state some facts and you answer yes or no, alright?"
"Yes."
"You left me because you were pregnant with Leila?"
"No."
"You left me because you didn't love me? Although I think I already know the answer to this one."
"No."
"You left me because you thought that with everything that had happened between me and my father, I wouldn't want to be a father to my child?"
He had hit the nail on the head. With her reaction the way it had been, he knew the truth. She was left to wonder how he had come to that conclusion. "How … did you … know?"
"Lucky guess!"
"I don't believe that" Claire said, her head reeling.
"Leila showed me into you bedroom earlier on so that I had some privacy when I got changed. She had already told me about the box and the drawer, it was just a question of whether I could bring myself to look in it. I'm sorry to say my conscience got the better of me and the next thing I knew I was looking through all of our old photographs. Because you had made copies of all of our photos made me realise that you loved me when you walked out, it was then that I noticed you note, I guess you wrote it before the one you actually left on my dresser. Why couldn't you just have said something, a piece of my heart went missing the day you left and I have never been able to fill it again. I used to keep thinking that if you would only come back to me that it would all be okay. In all the years we were apart I have had very few girlfriends and even fewer physical relations with them. I just couldn't bring myself to do it – I guess I felt like I was being unfaithful or something."
Claire just sat there, bewildered, not knowing what to do or say.
"I came here today to ask you to be mine, to ask you to become my wife once and for all but I can't do that now, I'm sorry, I have to know I trust you and at the moment I don't." He got up from his seat and made his way out of the gazebo, looking across at Leila he could see confusion, she expected him to be happy, but how could he be when he didn't know how to forgive Claire and to begin to trust her. Making his way around the outside of the house he found his car, got in and drove off.
Leila rushed over to the tent and went inside, "Mum? Are you okay?"
"No" Claire wailed, Ella still singing away in her ears " My heart has been broken into a million pieces, I think I might shrivel up and die."