Back in the Gryffindor common room, Hermione is wrecking havoc upon her
less than feeble mind. What is she doing in the common room? I don't know.
How did she get there? See previous answer. I though she was in the dining
hall? Well, haven't you learned anything? The Harry Potter books are magic,
as are everything related to them. Is it even possible for one person to be
in two places at once? Of course! How else to you explain this troubled
tangent?
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
She wonders about love all the time. Why she's in it and why she so longed to surrender herself to it. And after all that hopeless romantic shit she wonders why she's not happy.
She can send an owl – though every time she gets within feet of the owl tower she shakes and her heart violently beats, threatening to collapse on her – only 17 years old and unable to express feelings.
She thinks too much. What about Ron? What about Harry – yeah look at Harry! He's "in love" or so he says-but look how miserable he is! I don't want to be miserable like him-but wait- she thinks about it.
I am miserable. I am miserable and where there should be love (RON!) I can't find anything. I look into his eyes, the same ones I could get lost in for hours – but now, nothing.
Why I can't I pick up a quill, and write her a flaming note! I am scared of everything. Everything that does not matter, that should not matter, to anyone – I care.
She thinks back to the *fight*. That damn fight! Malfoy SCREAMING and she SCREAMING right back. "MUGGLE! STUPID BITCH!" Oh, how she wanted to Kill him – right then and there! She had her wand, the spell, the means, the motive. But what the fuck was stopping her!?
It certainly wasn't Harry – they had been at odds ever since she nearly cracked that fuckmouth Malfoy over his head that one night. Yeah when noone was looking (or so I thought) I marched right up and hit him good upside the head. It took the nurse two days to figure out what was growing out of his ears. And by that time, I was long gone.
Off in the library perhaps, she thought with a bit of glee. Yes, over these years I *have* put up a nice façade haven't I. She giggled subconsciously. But now, *that girl* has presented her with a matter that couldn't be fixed with a spell.
She had tried many times – late at night – in the abandoned classroom she and Ron found the last time they were out. (The last time I loved him, the last time I cared.) That really was the last time we were together. I miss him!! And yet, I have this feeling that I don't really miss him, I'm just supposed to be missing him. I don't want to be with him – and I don't want to know why… that damn note! What can't I write the fucking thing and be done with it! It's all Stupid Ron's fucking fault! If I weren't prancing around with him I could have written that note, and sent it, and have been having a grand ol' time by now! What the hell happened to me that now I'm too much of a puss that I can't do anything to please myself! I want to scream to the world. Right here right now. I want Ron and Harry and even Malfoy that stupid prick to know about the girl I love! That's right goody two shoes Hermione loves a girl! She's a fucking dyke and you know what – she likes it! But I'm gonna torture you, like you did to me Ron. I'll never forgive you for those nights when I was saying yes but meaning no. I don't know how I could be so afraid of a stupid git like you. You always were the strong one – but not anymore buddy! I have broken you. And to my grave I will take with me the name of the one girl who holds my heart in her hands (oh those beautiful hands).
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
She wonders about love all the time. Why she's in it and why she so longed to surrender herself to it. And after all that hopeless romantic shit she wonders why she's not happy.
She can send an owl – though every time she gets within feet of the owl tower she shakes and her heart violently beats, threatening to collapse on her – only 17 years old and unable to express feelings.
She thinks too much. What about Ron? What about Harry – yeah look at Harry! He's "in love" or so he says-but look how miserable he is! I don't want to be miserable like him-but wait- she thinks about it.
I am miserable. I am miserable and where there should be love (RON!) I can't find anything. I look into his eyes, the same ones I could get lost in for hours – but now, nothing.
Why I can't I pick up a quill, and write her a flaming note! I am scared of everything. Everything that does not matter, that should not matter, to anyone – I care.
She thinks back to the *fight*. That damn fight! Malfoy SCREAMING and she SCREAMING right back. "MUGGLE! STUPID BITCH!" Oh, how she wanted to Kill him – right then and there! She had her wand, the spell, the means, the motive. But what the fuck was stopping her!?
It certainly wasn't Harry – they had been at odds ever since she nearly cracked that fuckmouth Malfoy over his head that one night. Yeah when noone was looking (or so I thought) I marched right up and hit him good upside the head. It took the nurse two days to figure out what was growing out of his ears. And by that time, I was long gone.
Off in the library perhaps, she thought with a bit of glee. Yes, over these years I *have* put up a nice façade haven't I. She giggled subconsciously. But now, *that girl* has presented her with a matter that couldn't be fixed with a spell.
She had tried many times – late at night – in the abandoned classroom she and Ron found the last time they were out. (The last time I loved him, the last time I cared.) That really was the last time we were together. I miss him!! And yet, I have this feeling that I don't really miss him, I'm just supposed to be missing him. I don't want to be with him – and I don't want to know why… that damn note! What can't I write the fucking thing and be done with it! It's all Stupid Ron's fucking fault! If I weren't prancing around with him I could have written that note, and sent it, and have been having a grand ol' time by now! What the hell happened to me that now I'm too much of a puss that I can't do anything to please myself! I want to scream to the world. Right here right now. I want Ron and Harry and even Malfoy that stupid prick to know about the girl I love! That's right goody two shoes Hermione loves a girl! She's a fucking dyke and you know what – she likes it! But I'm gonna torture you, like you did to me Ron. I'll never forgive you for those nights when I was saying yes but meaning no. I don't know how I could be so afraid of a stupid git like you. You always were the strong one – but not anymore buddy! I have broken you. And to my grave I will take with me the name of the one girl who holds my heart in her hands (oh those beautiful hands).