A/N: I have decided, shock upon shock, horror upon horror... that this story has developed a... PLOT! Yes, I know, for a while that didn't seem possible. Yes, it was touch and go... but now, with this regrettably kinda short installment that is the first step to actual ficdom, the plot is developing! I actually know where this is going to go (somewhere). Er... yay. Anyhoo, lets get on with it...
I was just walking down the corridor, wondering if Ginny would ever actually screw me in the broomshed (hmmm... maybe if I put a few pillows down...) when BAM! the floor disappeared from underneath my feet.
I am a very unlucky person.
Where does Snape get off giving me a four hour detention? It's not fair. I didn't even do anything wrong! It was Draco's fault, the stupid prick. Bumping into me like that, I bet he meant it. Speaking of Draco, is that him neck-deep in the Sinking Step?
Oh my God, I can't feel my legs, where are my legs? I need my legs! Oh no, will I still have what was between my legs?
After panicking over what seemed like a severe lack of manhood for a few minutes, I heard footsteps behind me. I struggled to turn round, and realised my neck was probably all I had left, panicked again, but decided to turn round anyway. After a few seconds I managed to face the other way, only to see my dear soon-to-be humping partner Ginny. Phew.
"Hey Ginny." I smiled my irresistible Malfoy smile. "How's it hanging?"
I had to remind myself that soon there might be nothing left to hang, and got to the point.
"I seem to have fallen into a sinking step..."
"Gee, I'd like to care, but I don't possess that gene." she replied, walking by. "And I have a detention to get to."
Like I'm going to help him, who does he think he is? After five years of snide remarks and sarcastic comments, he wants me to yank his sorry arse out of a sinking step? No way. I should go get Harry, Ron and Hermione, and we can all spit on him...
Uh-oh. She isn't going to help me. I'm going to waste away, and my life will end on a flight of stairs that Mrs Norris has probably peed on more times than Filch humped Lockhart. How undignified.
"Ginny." I called, "Aren't you going to help me?"
She turned around, folded her arms across her chest and walked back, looking at me. Damn. She's going to laugh. Now that's undignified.
"What makes you think I'm going to help you?" she asked innocently.
"Well, there's the fact I'm so handsome..."
"Screw you." she snapped, "I'm leaving, and you are just going to have to save yourself."
"But whyyyyyyyyyy?" I whined, pouting, hoping to get some sympathy. "What did I ever do to you?"
"Do you want a list, Malfoy? I think you're a cruel, nasty, sarcastic arsehole, and frankly, I think you should have to stay in that god-forsaken step until you change your attitude."
Excuse me? Is she insulting my attitude? I like my attitude!
"What time is it?" I asked.
She looked a little confused, then looked at her watch.
"Five past seven."
"Wow." I exclaimed, rolling my eyes, "Only fourteen billion hours till I start caring what you think about my attitude. Oh, and cruel is really just the same as nasty."
Oh, how predictable. Sarcastic reply.
"Don't start with me Malfoy."
"I'm not starting anything, I'm trying to get out of this fucking step!"
"And I care... why?" I replied, thouroughly enjoying watching Draco beg for help.
"Because you love me and wish to see me live?" I asked hopefully.
Apparently, Ginny neither loved me nor wished to see me live, and demonstrated this brand of what I assumed to be genetic Weasley coldheartedness perfectly when she spun on her heel and stalked away.
Arghhh.
As I walked away, I began to wonder whether or not leaving Draco to a certain death in the Sinking Step was the right thing to do. After all, he was damn fine...
Just then, Pansy Parkinson appeared out of nowhere (or from around a corner - I wasn't really looking). Purposely shoving into me on the way past and managing to look like a bulldog chewing a wasp at the same time, she snarled, "For God's sake, aren't you watching where you're going?"
After having the crappy day to top all crappy days, I was in no mood for this elitest Slytherin crap, so I snapped, "If I was watching where I was going, do you really think I'd have ended up within a square mile of you?"
Looking like she'd swallowed the wasp and it'd stung her in the throat on the way down, Pansy stared at me, open-mouthed. Uh-oh. She was going to wallop me one.
"By the way," I added, "Draco's up to his head in the Sinking Step. That way."
I pointed behind me, and watched her expression of shock and anger turn into one of a lovesick puppy.
"My baby!" she screeched, and ran off.
Phew.
But I can't help but pity Draco... er, I mean Malfoy...
I had resigned myself to the fact that I was going to die, and that it was a Weasley's fault... (being all intelligent and all, I'd figured out that it was Ginny who had detention) but I wasn't all that depressed. I mean, really, the look on Lucius' face when he finds out I was practically killed by a Weasley, without even putting up a fight... he'd die of shame. Which is quite good, actually. Apart from the fact I'd be dead too...
I busied myself thinking about Ginny, in a broomshed, trying to ignore my impending death. My little fantasy was interrupted, though, when Pansy ran round the corner. Geez, does everyone you bump into in this godforsaken place come round a bloody corner? Why can they just walk towards you in a bloomin' straight line?
"My poor wittle baby!" she cried, sniffing. Half wondering whether or not 'wittle' would be in the dictionary, and trying at the same time to imagine Ginny in the broomshed wearing, ahem, me, I attempted to ignore Pansy. But then she took her bony arms and wrapped them around my head, the only part of my body now that wasn't, well, gone.
"Arghhh! Gerroff!" I yelled, trying to bite her. Fortunately, my teeth didn't come in contact with her scaly skin, because at that very moment she yanked me out of the step with one tug. Her arms were still wrapped around my head, but we were now lying a good few feet away from the step. I could feel her pointy knees, crushing my legs into the concrete, and prayed that they wouldn't come near my groin.
"Get off me." I snapped, but she ignored me. Jesus, she was freakishly strong...
"Well, isn't this nice..." she cooed, breathing her rancid breath in my face.
"Well, to be honest... no." I replied, pushing her away. My strong, muscular arms were apparently useless. Who would have thought that toothpick Pansy Parkinson could overpower, well, me? Just then, a strand of her hair brushed my blemish free cheek. 'EWWWWWWWW' I screamed to myself as it left a track, like a snail...
Panicking, I twisted my head to the side, and made another futile attempt to escape. But Pansy had other ideas. She gripped my face in a bony hand, and lowered her head towards mine. As her cracked lips hovered close to my face, I wished to myself that the Sinking Step would develop legs, hobble over and swallow her whole.
I can't believe this is how I'm going to die. The Kiss of Death from Pansy Parkinson.
Sorry about the, well, massive delay... review, if you want :) I need suggestions! Should Draco be saved? By Ginny? Then what? S'up to you... well, kind of.