Nursery Rhymes
(That are majorly screwed up!)
By Stupid Kitten
Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (my apologies…)
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Now I'm messing with nursery rhymes. See how low I'm beginning to sink.
In that case- You had better review!
Now on with the rhymes…
)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)
#1: Merry, Merry, Feet are Hairy (Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary)
Merry, Merry,
Feet are hairy;
How does your pipe blow?
With lung cancer,
And asthma,
And emphysema in a row.
#2: Messy King Aragorn (Old King Cole)
Messy King Aragorn was never shorn,
And never shorn was he.
He fired his barber,
And he fired the scissors worn,
And he fired the nail clippers, see.
#3: Hey Pippin Pippin (Hey Diddle Diddle)
Hey Pippin Pippin,
He's really trippin';
He peed over the moon.
Little Merry laughed to see the dork,
And Sam ate a spoon.
#4: Sick Rub a Dub Dub (Rub a Dub Dub)
Rub a dub dub,
Three men in a tub,
Who do you think they be?
An elf, another elf,
And yet another elf.
Turns out they're gay, all three.
#5: The Queen of the Woods (The Queen of Hearts)
The queen of the woods,
Met some hoods,
All on a lousy day.
The guards of the woods,
They killed those hoods,
And with their drugs ran away.
The king of the woods
Hated hoods,
And also disliked drugs;
The guards of the woods
Who had killed the hoods,
Were turned into Persian rugs.
#6: Little Sam Gamgee (Little Jack Horner)
Little Sam Gamgee took a pee,
Drinking herbal tea;
He put in his finger a bit, and scalded it,
And said, "OH SHIT!--- I mean, oh gee!"
#7: This Little Elf (This Little Pig)
This little elf did his hair,
This little elf painted his nails,
This little was really gay,
This little elf was too,
This little elf screamed, "Eat me!"
All the way home.
#8: Gandalf be Old (Jack be Nimble)
Gandalf be old,
Gandalf be sick,
Gandalf has got
Really arthritic.
#9: Elrond, Elrond, Souffle Eater (Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater)
Elrond, Elrond, soufflé eater,
Had a feast but couldn't have dinner;
He threw it in the kitchen sink,
Until it began to really stink.
#10: Frodo Baggins (Humpty Dumpty)
Frodo Baggins sat on the ground,
Frodo Baggins was never found;
All the Wizard's potions and all the Wizard's tricks
Didn't find anything but a sack of bricks.
#11: The Old Hobbit who Lived in a Hole (The Old Woman who lived in a shoe)
There was an old hobbit who lived in a hole;
He had so much money he lost his soul.
He gave Frodo a ring, without any warning;
He shut the door soundly as he left before morning.
#12: Legolas and Gimli (Jack and Jill)
Legolas and Gimli went up a chimney
Just for the hell of it.
Gimli did trip and busted his lip
And the chimney echoed with Legolas's laughter.
Down Gimli fell, and he went to hell
And escaped as fast as the dickens,
He ran to his cave and curses he gave
To Legolas and his pet chickens.
#13: Little Mister Celeborn (Little Miss Muffet)
Little mister Celeborn
Sat on some corn,
Guzzling margaritas and wine.
Along came Haldir,
Drinking beer,
And with Celeborn he discussed sine and cosine.
#14: All Around the Muddy Gush (All Around the Mulberry Bush)
All around the muddy gush,
The man chased the hobbit,
The man chopped down a tree,
And squish! went the hobbit!
#15: Ring Around the Sauron (Ring Around the Rosie)
Ring around the Sauron,
Now his Ring is gone,
Upstairs, downstairs,
It all fell down.
^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$
Was it good? I wrote it very late at night because I had imsomnia. Tell me which one was your favorite. I'll do more if you ask in your reviews.
Can you believe I actually had to look in my old baby books to remember how the words to the rhymes went?
_______________________As always:
Stupid Kitten
(That are majorly screwed up!)
By Stupid Kitten
Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (my apologies…)
&#&&#&#&##&#&#&#&####&&#&#&#&#&#&##&#&#&###&37#&##&#
Now I'm messing with nursery rhymes. See how low I'm beginning to sink.
In that case- You had better review!
Now on with the rhymes…
)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)
#1: Merry, Merry, Feet are Hairy (Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary)
Merry, Merry,
Feet are hairy;
How does your pipe blow?
With lung cancer,
And asthma,
And emphysema in a row.
#2: Messy King Aragorn (Old King Cole)
Messy King Aragorn was never shorn,
And never shorn was he.
He fired his barber,
And he fired the scissors worn,
And he fired the nail clippers, see.
#3: Hey Pippin Pippin (Hey Diddle Diddle)
Hey Pippin Pippin,
He's really trippin';
He peed over the moon.
Little Merry laughed to see the dork,
And Sam ate a spoon.
#4: Sick Rub a Dub Dub (Rub a Dub Dub)
Rub a dub dub,
Three men in a tub,
Who do you think they be?
An elf, another elf,
And yet another elf.
Turns out they're gay, all three.
#5: The Queen of the Woods (The Queen of Hearts)
The queen of the woods,
Met some hoods,
All on a lousy day.
The guards of the woods,
They killed those hoods,
And with their drugs ran away.
The king of the woods
Hated hoods,
And also disliked drugs;
The guards of the woods
Who had killed the hoods,
Were turned into Persian rugs.
#6: Little Sam Gamgee (Little Jack Horner)
Little Sam Gamgee took a pee,
Drinking herbal tea;
He put in his finger a bit, and scalded it,
And said, "OH SHIT!--- I mean, oh gee!"
#7: This Little Elf (This Little Pig)
This little elf did his hair,
This little elf painted his nails,
This little was really gay,
This little elf was too,
This little elf screamed, "Eat me!"
All the way home.
#8: Gandalf be Old (Jack be Nimble)
Gandalf be old,
Gandalf be sick,
Gandalf has got
Really arthritic.
#9: Elrond, Elrond, Souffle Eater (Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater)
Elrond, Elrond, soufflé eater,
Had a feast but couldn't have dinner;
He threw it in the kitchen sink,
Until it began to really stink.
#10: Frodo Baggins (Humpty Dumpty)
Frodo Baggins sat on the ground,
Frodo Baggins was never found;
All the Wizard's potions and all the Wizard's tricks
Didn't find anything but a sack of bricks.
#11: The Old Hobbit who Lived in a Hole (The Old Woman who lived in a shoe)
There was an old hobbit who lived in a hole;
He had so much money he lost his soul.
He gave Frodo a ring, without any warning;
He shut the door soundly as he left before morning.
#12: Legolas and Gimli (Jack and Jill)
Legolas and Gimli went up a chimney
Just for the hell of it.
Gimli did trip and busted his lip
And the chimney echoed with Legolas's laughter.
Down Gimli fell, and he went to hell
And escaped as fast as the dickens,
He ran to his cave and curses he gave
To Legolas and his pet chickens.
#13: Little Mister Celeborn (Little Miss Muffet)
Little mister Celeborn
Sat on some corn,
Guzzling margaritas and wine.
Along came Haldir,
Drinking beer,
And with Celeborn he discussed sine and cosine.
#14: All Around the Muddy Gush (All Around the Mulberry Bush)
All around the muddy gush,
The man chased the hobbit,
The man chopped down a tree,
And squish! went the hobbit!
#15: Ring Around the Sauron (Ring Around the Rosie)
Ring around the Sauron,
Now his Ring is gone,
Upstairs, downstairs,
It all fell down.
^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$
Was it good? I wrote it very late at night because I had imsomnia. Tell me which one was your favorite. I'll do more if you ask in your reviews.
Can you believe I actually had to look in my old baby books to remember how the words to the rhymes went?
_______________________As always:
Stupid Kitten