Wow...I scare people?..neat..well same as usual peeps enjoy! This is the last installment so yeah..Review to tell me if my shot at comedy was worth 2 days of typing..love ya!
"Who can help us?"
"Don can..'cept for
he lives 2 hours away with none of that thier fancy vehicle transportation" explained the old man.
"Bill's coming this way today ain't he Pa, he 's got them steeds a his and he lives by Don" congered the woman.
"Fine then , call Bill , tell him to pick up Don!"exclaimed Brad who was getting fed up with this charade.
"Can't, Bill don't have the talking machine...Don do"
"This FUCKING hurts!!! Brad's eyes twitched once again.
"Then call Don so he'll go to Bill's and they can come here and help the friggen woman."
There was a silence as the two old duffers just stared at Brad , who was having a fit because his schedule was ruined.
"Can't. Don and Bill don't get along." That was it. Brad totally lost control of his eye and felt sick. He was never going to escape!
Schu waddled over after drinking a couple[12] beers and started laughing and pointing at Brad.
"Looks like yur..*hic*..gonna hafta..d..de..dilhiver...d-deliv..de..uhhhh...make her unpregnant! HA!"
Brad regretinly looked up her skirt to see the baby was definitly coming.He felt sick..ACK!..blood...
Just then Nagi came out of the washroom. Brad looked at him.
"What the hell took so long?"he asked
"I was playing with the balloon machine in there....funny looking balloons though...whats going on?"
"There's that nasty little girl, Ma. She there just needs a good whipping "
Nagi looked at the old couple and snuffed as if they were beneath him.
He then walked over to Brad and again asked what was going on.He stood beside Brad and looked at the woman in distress.
"See for yourself" he said grabbing Nagi's head and shoving it up her skirt.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"Nagi screamed and pulled away looking pale and dizzy. "Ah..uh...oh..shh..chu.." he babbled until finally the snickering Schu yelled out "Vagina!"
And that was it, Nagi fainted.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH" yelled the woman again in pain."GET IT THE FUCK OUT!!"
The drunken Schu , who was now out of the laughing stage and in the talking maniacally stage approached her, making calming hand gestures.
"Now , now...calm yourself down, don t y-*hic* you have any respect for your neighbours?..Jeez ..pregnant people..." He stated then began to trail off on how Napkin dispensers were to better humanity in years to come. Brad's eye twitched some more.
"I feel it coming, get the fuck ready.!!"
Brad again, seeing he had no real choice , looked in her skirt trying to find a way to go about this mission.Thats when Brad realized, he didn't even know how the baby came out!
"Someone else is going to have to do this...I don't know how.." said Brad almost fearing what the in-pain woman might say.
"Listen you pansy! You're the only man around..if YOU can't do it then WHO CAN?"
Brad looked like he was about to cry knowing he couldn't escape his fate carved from pure Hell itself , when who should fly through the door?...Why none other then Farfie !!
The doors swung open to reveal a very energetic Farfarello . ..Hey if you were locked up in a car for like 12 hours non-stop, you'd be feeling puhretty restless yourself.
"Guess what guys?...I found ROAD-KILL on the side of the road...and poked it with a STICK!!..Mwaahahahaha.."he laughed insanely.
Farfie looked at drunk Schu, stressed Brad , unconscious Nagi and the pregnant lady.
"AWWW..you guys were having a party...without..me.."Farfie looked sad(aww..poor Farfie)
He then looked at the pregnant woman and started laughing.
"HA! Your in pain..bet that hurts God! ,Thats one for me pal!"He squealed pointing and looking towards the ceiling, and cackling maniacally. Everyone sweat-dropped.
"Listen..uhh..crazy guy, help me you little..Aug!!..pain.."She squealed.
"Whats the time between your contractions?" Surprised, everyone looked at Farfie.
"Uhh..3 minutes i thi-Ahh!" the woman attempted.
He put his hand to his chin as if in deep thought and nodded. He then ducted to look up her skirt with a passive face..almost professionally ..
"Your 10 cm dialated , thats good." he then began feeling her belly.
"How do you know all this?" asked a shocked Brad. Farfie smiled.
"Hehe..you see, I watch the health channel and 'the baby show' is on between 'When surgery goes wrong' and 'When heart structures collapse' so..." explained Farfie matter-of-factly. Brad sweat-dropped.
During this time, Nagi was coming too. He stood behind the woman trying to keep from throwing up.
Farfie , who was done feeling Mary Sue's belly, put fourth his diagnoses .
"There is something wrong, the baby is coming out in the wrong direction, we gotta turn it around." he explained.
"How do we do that?"demanded Brad who was not enjoying his vacation up to this date.
"Well there's surgery..or we can reach up there and turn the little bugger around..haha" he cackled."OHH!..OOH!!let me cut her open , Braddy, let me!!"whined Farfie"This is the best vacation ever!!"Farfie was very excited. The woman started panicking.
"There is no way ANY of you are coming near me with a Knife!" she yelled at the four guys.
"Aww..come on Mary Sue! Haven't you known me long enough to trust me?" asked Farfie giving her huge puppy eyes..er..eye..-.0.
"Farfarello!" yelled Brad angrily.
.."Sorry..."the irishman apoligized.
"What have i Told you about talking to people?"Brad began his lecture with a question.
"Don't talk...just look pretty"..
"Good boy" replied Brad patting Farfie on the head.
Meanwhile, Drunk Schu began torturing the labouring woman.Brad pulled Schu away from poking her and asked Farfie what to do next.
They couldn.t do a c-section because,
A)They didn't know how
B)It was really dangerous
C)She wouldn't let them
and D) Farfie might get carried away
"What do we do to turn the baby around?" For a moment Farf looked clueless, then in deep thought, finally he stuck his finger in the air as if he had something to say and announced
"I do not know!"..everyone fell over.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW?"yelled Brad frustrated.
"..well...I kinda changed the channel to surfing.." Whimpered Farfie, shielding his head with his arms.
"Just don't hurt me...."
"Farfie, you have the gift of no pain.." informed Nagi coming back into the picture.
"I'll no-pain you!" argued Farfie waving his fist at Nagi.
After watching the fights between the four boys and suffering for what felt like an Eternity, Mary Sue finally spoke up and said something reasonable.
"I have been in this state for 9 months, its finally coming to an end..Im going through the worst of it now...you wouldn't believe the excruciating pain I am feeling right now..but I'll say this..you are all gonna do as I say ..unless you DO want to feel the pain Im going through..Now we are going to deliver this baby and you 're all gonna like it..UNDERSTAND!!!"It was a mighty scary thing to deal with, a pregnant woman."Now whose gonna turn this sucker around?"She asked looking at the four assassins in disguise.The four guys were standing around her,looking at her. Farfie smiling evily and Schu holding a beer.
"Let me!..ME!!"was Farfie's chant
She looked at Schu."You're too drunk"
"ME ME!!"
She looked at Brad. "You're too stupid"
"ME ME ME!!!"whined Farfie, Mary looked at him
"You want it too much"
"Awww."Farfie looked disapointed.
"You! The wussy boy with the girly hands!your up!"She squealed in a pained voice. Wussy boy..er..Naggles, looked at his hands in shock.
"My hands are girly?...but Omi likes my hands...wah..." muttered Nagi to himself. The woman grabbed him and flipped him over to the front of her.
"Now get down there!!"
Nagi cried when he was forced to..uhh stick his hands up there.
"Gross gross gross gross" he squealed.
While he was doing that, Farfie was snickering and Schu was leaning over him with a beer inhand , trying to play with his mind, not realizing saying these things because of his drunken state.
"Nagi, oooh Naaaaagiiii..VAGINA!...CLITORIS ...UTERUS!...WOMEN GENITALIA! .. Sticking your hands up there is like having Sex you know..heh..I'll just have to tell your little Weiss boy friend that your cheating on him!"
Nagi looked pale.There were funny squishing noises coming from the woman. He felt like tossing his cookies."I think I'm gonna be sick"
The woman wailed in pain.
"There Im done!" said Nagi "There you see, I did it and I could do it again!" confirmed the boy .
As he pulled his goo-covered hands out and looked at them in disgust , Schu yelled out his last profanity out "FEETUS!" And that was all it took to make Nagi faint again. His head landing in the girls crotch.
Schu bursted out in drunken laughter.
"Bwahahaha..I never thought I'd see the day when Nagi Naoe's head in a woman's crotch!"
He gave farfie a high five.
Brad pulled Nagi's head out of her crotch and kneeled down in his place.
"Ok, this part is just like football right?"he said placing his hands in the position to catch.
Farfie yelled out."32, 54 HIKE HIKE!!"
"SHUT UP FARFIE!!"yelled Brad.
"...sorry.."
"Now push...i guess.."
The woman began pushing while Farfie was repeatingly telling her to breath.Schu occupied himself by poking the knocked-out Nagi and Brad was thinking how he couldn't believe he was doing this.
"BREATH WOMAN BREATH I TELL YOU!!"
"AHHHH!" and with one final push, the agony was over.There was a new voice in the room now.
Brad lifted up the new born and the guys were in awe as she was silhouetted by the light
"IT'S A BOY!!!..wow , look at the size of his...-"Schu was about to comment, when Brad interrupted.
" thats the Ambilical cord , it's a girl." Brad lowered her for his teamates to see.
"Wow, shes so beautiful, ....and this one shall be here by known as...Farfie Jr. " stated Farfie again with a matter-of - factly monotone.
"A true gift from God...lets kill it"Brad pulled her away from Farfie.
"Alright, lets go..finally" said Brad ,angry for wasting so much time at this stupid café .
He was about to go out the door with the baby , when the woman piped up.
"Can I have my baby back?"
Brad realized he still had the baby in-hand.
"Huh? Uh..sorry" Brad was going to give her back but she looked at him with big blue eyes. He was finding it to hard to give her away..she was just too cuute!!"
Schu and Farfie croeded around the baby dubbed 'Farfie Jr'
"Can't we keep her Brad? Huh Huh?..we'll take good care of her!" The two men begged childlike.
"Thats what you said about the dog!..and look what happened to it" he retorted.
"Braaaad, that was different!"
"We had a dog?" They both looked at Farfie. He looked down
"yeah, yeah..I know, Shut up Farfie"
Brad looked at the cute lil tyke in his arms than in the eyes of his pleading teammates .
"Oh fine" He then turned to the other inhabitants of the café.
"May we propose a trade?"
*^*^*^^*^***^*^*^*^***^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
When nagi awoke , he was greeted by the stench of a dirt farm. He found his hair to be up in curls and himself in a dress.
The old couple appeared with what looked to be like their toothless Grandson.
"Yure parents traded you for that there baby. Yure now our here boy's lawfully wedded wife. Say hello to yure wife, Cletus."
"Heyuk!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
And thats how Nagi ended up in America, and how Shwartz got a new baby. Awww!
And everyone lived happily and crazily ever after..'cept for Nagi who just lived crazily ever after.
Fin
Wow...that was strange I know, I also know that nobody would tru ly trade their new born for a bishonen no matter how cute he is...I just did that for this fic..yep!..Im one messed up kid..
Now excuse me while I run from a banjo toting Nagi in a dress! Bye all
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~LOVE ALWAYS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yasha: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
Nagi:Get back here you cotton-picking little vixen!!*throws banjo..misses*
Yasha:Haha!! Wussy boy!
"Who can help us?"
"Don can..'cept for
he lives 2 hours away with none of that thier fancy vehicle transportation" explained the old man.
"Bill's coming this way today ain't he Pa, he 's got them steeds a his and he lives by Don" congered the woman.
"Fine then , call Bill , tell him to pick up Don!"exclaimed Brad who was getting fed up with this charade.
"Can't, Bill don't have the talking machine...Don do"
"This FUCKING hurts!!! Brad's eyes twitched once again.
"Then call Don so he'll go to Bill's and they can come here and help the friggen woman."
There was a silence as the two old duffers just stared at Brad , who was having a fit because his schedule was ruined.
"Can't. Don and Bill don't get along." That was it. Brad totally lost control of his eye and felt sick. He was never going to escape!
Schu waddled over after drinking a couple[12] beers and started laughing and pointing at Brad.
"Looks like yur..*hic*..gonna hafta..d..de..dilhiver...d-deliv..de..uhhhh...make her unpregnant! HA!"
Brad regretinly looked up her skirt to see the baby was definitly coming.He felt sick..ACK!..blood...
Just then Nagi came out of the washroom. Brad looked at him.
"What the hell took so long?"he asked
"I was playing with the balloon machine in there....funny looking balloons though...whats going on?"
"There's that nasty little girl, Ma. She there just needs a good whipping "
Nagi looked at the old couple and snuffed as if they were beneath him.
He then walked over to Brad and again asked what was going on.He stood beside Brad and looked at the woman in distress.
"See for yourself" he said grabbing Nagi's head and shoving it up her skirt.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"Nagi screamed and pulled away looking pale and dizzy. "Ah..uh...oh..shh..chu.." he babbled until finally the snickering Schu yelled out "Vagina!"
And that was it, Nagi fainted.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH" yelled the woman again in pain."GET IT THE FUCK OUT!!"
The drunken Schu , who was now out of the laughing stage and in the talking maniacally stage approached her, making calming hand gestures.
"Now , now...calm yourself down, don t y-*hic* you have any respect for your neighbours?..Jeez ..pregnant people..." He stated then began to trail off on how Napkin dispensers were to better humanity in years to come. Brad's eye twitched some more.
"I feel it coming, get the fuck ready.!!"
Brad again, seeing he had no real choice , looked in her skirt trying to find a way to go about this mission.Thats when Brad realized, he didn't even know how the baby came out!
"Someone else is going to have to do this...I don't know how.." said Brad almost fearing what the in-pain woman might say.
"Listen you pansy! You're the only man around..if YOU can't do it then WHO CAN?"
Brad looked like he was about to cry knowing he couldn't escape his fate carved from pure Hell itself , when who should fly through the door?...Why none other then Farfie !!
The doors swung open to reveal a very energetic Farfarello . ..Hey if you were locked up in a car for like 12 hours non-stop, you'd be feeling puhretty restless yourself.
"Guess what guys?...I found ROAD-KILL on the side of the road...and poked it with a STICK!!..Mwaahahahaha.."he laughed insanely.
Farfie looked at drunk Schu, stressed Brad , unconscious Nagi and the pregnant lady.
"AWWW..you guys were having a party...without..me.."Farfie looked sad(aww..poor Farfie)
He then looked at the pregnant woman and started laughing.
"HA! Your in pain..bet that hurts God! ,Thats one for me pal!"He squealed pointing and looking towards the ceiling, and cackling maniacally. Everyone sweat-dropped.
"Listen..uhh..crazy guy, help me you little..Aug!!..pain.."She squealed.
"Whats the time between your contractions?" Surprised, everyone looked at Farfie.
"Uhh..3 minutes i thi-Ahh!" the woman attempted.
He put his hand to his chin as if in deep thought and nodded. He then ducted to look up her skirt with a passive face..almost professionally ..
"Your 10 cm dialated , thats good." he then began feeling her belly.
"How do you know all this?" asked a shocked Brad. Farfie smiled.
"Hehe..you see, I watch the health channel and 'the baby show' is on between 'When surgery goes wrong' and 'When heart structures collapse' so..." explained Farfie matter-of-factly. Brad sweat-dropped.
During this time, Nagi was coming too. He stood behind the woman trying to keep from throwing up.
Farfie , who was done feeling Mary Sue's belly, put fourth his diagnoses .
"There is something wrong, the baby is coming out in the wrong direction, we gotta turn it around." he explained.
"How do we do that?"demanded Brad who was not enjoying his vacation up to this date.
"Well there's surgery..or we can reach up there and turn the little bugger around..haha" he cackled."OHH!..OOH!!let me cut her open , Braddy, let me!!"whined Farfie"This is the best vacation ever!!"Farfie was very excited. The woman started panicking.
"There is no way ANY of you are coming near me with a Knife!" she yelled at the four guys.
"Aww..come on Mary Sue! Haven't you known me long enough to trust me?" asked Farfie giving her huge puppy eyes..er..eye..-.0.
"Farfarello!" yelled Brad angrily.
.."Sorry..."the irishman apoligized.
"What have i Told you about talking to people?"Brad began his lecture with a question.
"Don't talk...just look pretty"..
"Good boy" replied Brad patting Farfie on the head.
Meanwhile, Drunk Schu began torturing the labouring woman.Brad pulled Schu away from poking her and asked Farfie what to do next.
They couldn.t do a c-section because,
A)They didn't know how
B)It was really dangerous
C)She wouldn't let them
and D) Farfie might get carried away
"What do we do to turn the baby around?" For a moment Farf looked clueless, then in deep thought, finally he stuck his finger in the air as if he had something to say and announced
"I do not know!"..everyone fell over.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW?"yelled Brad frustrated.
"..well...I kinda changed the channel to surfing.." Whimpered Farfie, shielding his head with his arms.
"Just don't hurt me...."
"Farfie, you have the gift of no pain.." informed Nagi coming back into the picture.
"I'll no-pain you!" argued Farfie waving his fist at Nagi.
After watching the fights between the four boys and suffering for what felt like an Eternity, Mary Sue finally spoke up and said something reasonable.
"I have been in this state for 9 months, its finally coming to an end..Im going through the worst of it now...you wouldn't believe the excruciating pain I am feeling right now..but I'll say this..you are all gonna do as I say ..unless you DO want to feel the pain Im going through..Now we are going to deliver this baby and you 're all gonna like it..UNDERSTAND!!!"It was a mighty scary thing to deal with, a pregnant woman."Now whose gonna turn this sucker around?"She asked looking at the four assassins in disguise.The four guys were standing around her,looking at her. Farfie smiling evily and Schu holding a beer.
"Let me!..ME!!"was Farfie's chant
She looked at Schu."You're too drunk"
"ME ME!!"
She looked at Brad. "You're too stupid"
"ME ME ME!!!"whined Farfie, Mary looked at him
"You want it too much"
"Awww."Farfie looked disapointed.
"You! The wussy boy with the girly hands!your up!"She squealed in a pained voice. Wussy boy..er..Naggles, looked at his hands in shock.
"My hands are girly?...but Omi likes my hands...wah..." muttered Nagi to himself. The woman grabbed him and flipped him over to the front of her.
"Now get down there!!"
Nagi cried when he was forced to..uhh stick his hands up there.
"Gross gross gross gross" he squealed.
While he was doing that, Farfie was snickering and Schu was leaning over him with a beer inhand , trying to play with his mind, not realizing saying these things because of his drunken state.
"Nagi, oooh Naaaaagiiii..VAGINA!...CLITORIS ...UTERUS!...WOMEN GENITALIA! .. Sticking your hands up there is like having Sex you know..heh..I'll just have to tell your little Weiss boy friend that your cheating on him!"
Nagi looked pale.There were funny squishing noises coming from the woman. He felt like tossing his cookies."I think I'm gonna be sick"
The woman wailed in pain.
"There Im done!" said Nagi "There you see, I did it and I could do it again!" confirmed the boy .
As he pulled his goo-covered hands out and looked at them in disgust , Schu yelled out his last profanity out "FEETUS!" And that was all it took to make Nagi faint again. His head landing in the girls crotch.
Schu bursted out in drunken laughter.
"Bwahahaha..I never thought I'd see the day when Nagi Naoe's head in a woman's crotch!"
He gave farfie a high five.
Brad pulled Nagi's head out of her crotch and kneeled down in his place.
"Ok, this part is just like football right?"he said placing his hands in the position to catch.
Farfie yelled out."32, 54 HIKE HIKE!!"
"SHUT UP FARFIE!!"yelled Brad.
"...sorry.."
"Now push...i guess.."
The woman began pushing while Farfie was repeatingly telling her to breath.Schu occupied himself by poking the knocked-out Nagi and Brad was thinking how he couldn't believe he was doing this.
"BREATH WOMAN BREATH I TELL YOU!!"
"AHHHH!" and with one final push, the agony was over.There was a new voice in the room now.
Brad lifted up the new born and the guys were in awe as she was silhouetted by the light
"IT'S A BOY!!!..wow , look at the size of his...-"Schu was about to comment, when Brad interrupted.
" thats the Ambilical cord , it's a girl." Brad lowered her for his teamates to see.
"Wow, shes so beautiful, ....and this one shall be here by known as...Farfie Jr. " stated Farfie again with a matter-of - factly monotone.
"A true gift from God...lets kill it"Brad pulled her away from Farfie.
"Alright, lets go..finally" said Brad ,angry for wasting so much time at this stupid café .
He was about to go out the door with the baby , when the woman piped up.
"Can I have my baby back?"
Brad realized he still had the baby in-hand.
"Huh? Uh..sorry" Brad was going to give her back but she looked at him with big blue eyes. He was finding it to hard to give her away..she was just too cuute!!"
Schu and Farfie croeded around the baby dubbed 'Farfie Jr'
"Can't we keep her Brad? Huh Huh?..we'll take good care of her!" The two men begged childlike.
"Thats what you said about the dog!..and look what happened to it" he retorted.
"Braaaad, that was different!"
"We had a dog?" They both looked at Farfie. He looked down
"yeah, yeah..I know, Shut up Farfie"
Brad looked at the cute lil tyke in his arms than in the eyes of his pleading teammates .
"Oh fine" He then turned to the other inhabitants of the café.
"May we propose a trade?"
*^*^*^^*^***^*^*^*^***^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
When nagi awoke , he was greeted by the stench of a dirt farm. He found his hair to be up in curls and himself in a dress.
The old couple appeared with what looked to be like their toothless Grandson.
"Yure parents traded you for that there baby. Yure now our here boy's lawfully wedded wife. Say hello to yure wife, Cletus."
"Heyuk!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
And thats how Nagi ended up in America, and how Shwartz got a new baby. Awww!
And everyone lived happily and crazily ever after..'cept for Nagi who just lived crazily ever after.
Fin
Wow...that was strange I know, I also know that nobody would tru ly trade their new born for a bishonen no matter how cute he is...I just did that for this fic..yep!..Im one messed up kid..
Now excuse me while I run from a banjo toting Nagi in a dress! Bye all
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~LOVE ALWAYS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yasha: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
Nagi:Get back here you cotton-picking little vixen!!*throws banjo..misses*
Yasha:Haha!! Wussy boy!