Title: Stay Anyway 4/?
Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)
Disclaimers and other notes can be found in Prologue
Previously, in Stay Anyway…
Part 1…
… Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.
… The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday evening.
… Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You
were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can
say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."
Part 2…
… I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.
… She shifts in her seat suddenly and thrusts a manicured hand in my direction. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Donnatella Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant." I chortle in amused sympathy, which causes Donna to grin. "I somehow doubt Josh's personality has changed much in three years." I pause. "You're a very brave woman."
… The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.
Part 3…
… Lisa and I are staring at each other, and Donna coughs slightly, backing into the Roosevelt Room. "I'll be in here, if you, uh, well, we'll be here." Then she's gone, and it's just Lisa and me... and Alex.
… Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?
*****
Who knows how long I've loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to - I will
... Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together
Love you when we're apart
- I Will, The Beatles
*****
"DONNA!"
Josh's shout interrupts our conversation. I smile knowingly as Donna groans. "What?"
"Can you order some Chinese food?" Josh yells. Donna rolls her eyes.
"Josh, I already did. It should be here in five minutes. Do you want me to wait at the door?"
"Yes!"
"Fine," As she's leaving, Sam appears in the doorway, an apologetic look on his face.
"Lisa, I'm so sor-"
"Sam, it's okay," I interrupt. "Really, it is."
His face brightens and he smiles one of his killer smiles. I always loved his perfect white teeth, and it has nothing to do with professional appreciation.
"Really? That's great. This whole situation with H.R. 206 has been controlling our lives lately." He says, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I guess we're ordering some Chinese takeout. Would that be okay?"
I smile at him reassuringly, bouncing Alex on my lap. "That would be wonderful."
The motion catches Sam's attention, and something strange passes over his features. The look is gone before I can identify it, an odd smile now in its place.
"How's he doing?" Sam asks, tilting his head towards Alex on my lap.
"He's doing fine. Can you sit for a moment?" I pat the chair next to me.
"Sure," He nods and takes the seat next to me. Alex looks up from the Dr. Seuss book I'd been reading him and studies Sam curiously. Sam looks back at him, appearing just as curious.
He turns to face me. "He's reading already?"
I laugh slightly, turning the page for Alex. "No, he's not reading yet. He recognizes some words, though. And he knows this book by heart, so it might _seem_ like he's reading it."
Sam gently reaches out to close the book, trying to see the cover.
"'Green Eggs and Ham'?" He inquires, laughter in his voice. I shrug.
"It's his favorite book. My father gave it to him for his first birthday."
Our eyes turn to Alex, who is opening the book again and eying Sam suspiciously. Sam makes a face at him and he breaks into laughter. They smile at each other, and my heart swells at the interaction. Ever since Alexander's birth, I've feared running into Sam. I feared that it would be awkward, and Sam would hold some sort of resentment for the boy. A weight has been lifted now that I know he hasn't judged Alex. I know it's asking too much to wish that he hadn't judged me.
"You wanna read to him?" I ask of Sam. He looks at me, surprised and... excited?
"I can?"
"Well, I'm assuming you still know how to read," I reply sarcastically, a smile on my face. "Although, you _are_ working in the White House."
Sam rolls his eyes as I hand over the chattering baby.
"Stawt hewa," Alex insists, pointing at a page in the book. Sam glances over at me before he starts reading.
"No one's ever too old for Dr. Seuss," A voice behind me comments dryly. My smile transforms into a smirk, and I stand to face the speaker.
"I suppose you're a leading expert on the subject," I quip, holding out my hand to Josh Lyman. He grins and shakes it.
"Nice to know you haven't changed, Lisa."
"Same with you, Josh."
We stare at each other for a moment before Donna comes to our rescue. "Dinner is served," She announces, heading down the hallway with an aromatic bag. Like a pack of hungry dogs, we all follow her, Sam carrying Alex as I push the empty stroller.
"So..." Josh says once Sam has placed Alex in my lap and we've all filled our plates and begun eating. "I'm sorry to have kept Sam here all night."
"Oh, it's okay," I assure, feeding Alex another spoonful of rice. "I didn't want to interrupt anything anyhow. I know how important politics is to Sam."
Sam and Josh share a look, and I berate myself internally. I didn't mean for it to come out that way.
"I didn't mean for it to come out that way," I apologize, wiping Alex's mouth before looking at Sam. "Really, I didn't."
"I know," Sam says. He seems distracted, and I resolve to keep my mouth shut.
"So, Lisa. What do you know about H.R. 206?" Josh asks conversationally, swallowing a mouthful of egg roll. I can tell by the gleam in his eyes that he's in one of his explaining moods. I'll show him.
"Oh, not much," I answer. So much for my resolution. "I know it involves increased funding for health care, focusing mainly on dental, nursing homes, and emergency procedures. There's going to be a vote in three weeks, and many politicians think the Republicans won't pass it because of the clause promoting dependency on the federal government for referrals and funds. I also know that 97.8% of dentists in the American Dental Association, despite partisanship, fully support the amendment, and some even think that it does not do enough to make dental care and payment easier for the lower classes. Other than that, I know nothing."
All eyes are on me, and I feel foolish, yet proud, of my rambling. Sam looks pleasantly surprised, and Josh appears... impressed. Wow. I never thought I'd see the day that I impressed Joshua Lyman.
"Are you a political junkie?" Donna inquires, waving her chopstick in the air. "It sounds like you'd fit right in here."
I smile appreciatively, but shake my head. "Nah, politics was never really my thing. I just happen to know a lot about it because we watch CNN and C-SPAN sometimes at work, and we've all been discussing the issue for weeks."
Donna nods and offers me the carton with the kung pao chicken. I graciously accept, avoiding both Josh and Sam's gazes.
Polite conversation ensues, with Josh and Donna handling the bulk of it. Sam is remaining silent for an eerily long amount of time, and I find myself discreetly staring at him. Ah, that blue shirt really brings out his eyes. And his hair - I like how it's slightly longer than he normally cut it. And -
Breathe in. Breathe out. Focus. No - not on him. Focus on the conversation. Uh oh - it's quiet now.
"Mommy," Alex speaks up, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had settled over the room. "I want my cookie."
"How do you ask?" I reply automatically.
"Pwease may I have my cookie?"
"Three more bites of rice first," I proclaim. Alex shakes his head, much to the amusement of our dinner companions.
"One more bite."
"Two."
"One and a haff," he concludes, crossing his arms over his chest. I grin and, momentarily forgetting where I am, lean over and tickle him.
"How can you have one and a half bites?" I demand playfully as Alex wiggles and giggles.
"Stop, stop!" He gasps, laughing as I continue to tickle. "Two bites."
I halt my attack and scoop up a spoonful of rice as Alex catches his breath. I realize with embarrassment that I'm still in the White House, and I'm still sitting in front of Josh, Donna, and Sam.
I turn to look at them, a blush rising to my pale cheeks. "Sorry. I guess I got a little carried away there."
All three are smiling at me, though, so I don't feel quite so horrible.
"Don't apologize, Lisa," Donna advises me.
"I just wish we could get the Republicans to compromise so quickly," Josh jokes.
I turn to Sam after feeding Alex the second bite and find him chewing his food thoughtfully. I wonder what's wrong with him. Why isn't he talking?
"May I have my cookie now?" Alex requests. I hand him the treat after warning him to chew carefully.
"So, Lisa, how's your job going?" Inquires Josh as he tries to ward off the silence.
"It's great, actually," I declare cheerfully. I inform him of my promotion as humbly as possible, but it's hard because for once I _am_ proud of myself. I haven't achieved much in this life, yet the small pleasure of knowing I'm appreciated at work and that I've accomplished at least one of my goals makes up for part of the overwhelming sense of failure.
"Congratulations," Josh says, a sincere smile on his face. He seems to have changed a lot. I realize guiltily that I've been misjudging people, too.
'Thank you, Josh." We smile at each other for a moment, then Josh turns away to request a file from Donna.
"Josh, I'm eating," Donna states matter-of-factly.
"Yeah, that much I can see."
"Then why can't it wait a few minutes? Unless I'm mistaken, you and Sam are still eating, too."
A twinkle actually appears in Josh's eyes. "Yes, but while you're getting the file, Sam and I will finish, and then we'll be ready to work when you get back."
Donna rolls her eyes and stands. "I want a raise, Joshua," She demands.
Josh only shakes his head no.
"One day, Josh. One day," She warns, walking out the door. I watch as Josh's eyes follow her, lingering at the door. Hmm...
"Josh?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you and Donna ever dated?" I ask innocently. From talking to Donna earlier, I in fact know the answer, but something makes me ask anyway.
I relish in the wide array of emotions clearly visible on his face. Shock, anger, confusion, and ... regret?
"What?" He manages to choke out. He reaches for his glass of water and gulps down half of it.
"Have you two ever... you know, dated?"
Josh shakes his head so hard I fear it's going to fall off. "N-no, no no no. Nonono."
"Why not?" I ask, truly curious. I clean up Alex's face and place him into his stroller. The poor kid's yawning; I have to get back to the hotel soon.
"I - I... we... why does everyone think we should date? Donna is my friend and a fine assistant, and we are both professionals."
I can see the familiar vein pop up on his forehead. He's exasperated. This should get interesting.
"You can both be professionals and be in love," I tell him truthfully. He doesn't meet my eyes.
"It wouldn't -"
Just then, Donna walks back into the room. Josh shuts up immediately, clam-style. I make a pledge for Donna's sake to continue bugging Josh until he admits his feelings. If only he knew they were so obvious! The way he tries to hide the fact that he's staring at her, the look she gets on her face when she's near him, the vibe anyone else notices as soon as they enter a room. And, according to Donna, there's also some world-class bantering between them. What they have is love in its purest repressed form.
It sounds achingly familiar.
It's at this point that I notice the fortune from Alex's cookie. It's been in my hands for the past three or so minutes, but I haven't paid any attention to it yet. Now my stomach flip-flops as I read the cryptic message : "An old friend will change your life forever."
I'm not superstitious, but...
No. No way. I cannot live through that pain again - I'm not strong enough. Glancing over at Sam, I start to clean up my area of the table.
"I've got to get going," I announce as I stand to throw away the trash. "It's way past Alex's bedtime."
Donna lets out a disappointed groan, and even Josh looks vaguely sad. Sam, however, refuses to meet my eyes. I guess that's for the best.
I should never have come to the White House at all, especially not tonight.
"Thank you. I've had a wonderful time. It's good seeing you again, Josh, and it was great meeting you, Donna."
I know I'm probably being rude with my abrupt departure, but I don't care. I can't let myself get attached to him again, and certainly not now. Lord, what was I thinking? Having to move on to a life without him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do - why on Earth would I want to do it again?
All I hear is Alex's soft snores as I push the stroller through the silent hallway. Curious, I glance at my watch. It's already 10:14 pm.
I turn the corner and find myself in unfamiliar territory. I stop and close my eyes, taking a deep breath to calm down. It's not a big deal. I'll just turn around and retrace my steps.
So I maneuver the stroller around and freeze. Sam is standing right in front of me. His hands are hanging at his sides and his eyes are dark with intensity. We stare at each other for a moment before he swallows and starts talking.
"Lisa, I want... I want to apologize."
"Gee, Sam. You're doing an awful lot of that lately," I surprise myself with the unexpected acidity in my response. Sam is undeterred.
"Lisa, I'm so sorry. Really, I am. I'm sorry we didn't go out to eat tonight, I'm sorry I was thoughtless and preoccupied during dinner, and most of all I'm sorry about how we left things before."
My body tenses immediately. "Sam, I don't want to do this right now," My voice carries with it a silent plea. Sam either misses or ignores it.
"Lisa, please. I think we need to talk about it."
Damn him and his piercing blue eyes. Why can't I think straight when I look at him? I force myself to break his gaze and stare down at the stroller instead.
"Not now, Sam. I - I have to get Alex into bed."
He shifts slightly, but I refuse to look up. "There's a couch in Josh's office..." He trails off. While I stare at my son I silently curse the White House for having offices big enough for couches.
I sigh, steeling myself for the emotional hell I'm about to go through, and slowly raise my head. I meet Sam's eyes head-on, and there's another odd moment of silence -neither of us blinking, neither of us even breathing. Then Sam coughs and the spell is broken, and he leads the way to Josh's office.
TBC
(For those of you who are wondering where Ainsley is, don't worry - she'll be factoring into the story in a major way really soon. J Be patient.)