Title: Stay Anyway 14/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimer & other notes in Part 1

Author's Note: In lieu of my version of Lisa being tainted forever by canon, I thought I'd post a chapter today. Enjoy!

(okay, so I've trimmed this down because it's gotten very long)

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

Part 1…

… Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.

… Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You

were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can

say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."

Part 2…

… I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.

… The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.

Part 3…

… Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?

Part 4…

… "I - I... we... why does everyone think we should date? Donna is my friend and a fine assistant, and we are both professionals."

… My body tenses immediately. "Sam, I don't want to do this right now," My voice carries with it a silent plea. Sam either misses or ignores it. "Lisa, please. I think we need to talk about it."

Part 5…

… I stand up, more furious than I should be but unable to help it. "No. You know what? No! We're not getting into this. I know you mean well, but frankly, this is none of your goddamn business. Yes, I was engaged to Lisa, but that was before the campaign and has no relevance to anything. And unless I express them verbally, my thoughts and feelings are mine and mine alone. I'm sick and tired of being 'Poor Little Innocent Sam' whose life's purpose is to amuse the White House Staff with tales of his misadventures.

… Oh great. This is fitting; this is perfect. I take it back - the last thing I want to do right now is talk to Lisa.

… "Oh, Sam," Lisa sighs. I look up at her as she gestures vaguely with her left hand. "This - this was never supposed to happen; this wasn't supposed to be us... How did we get here?"

Part 6…

… He laughs, and I can tell that despite his cavity problems he has a terrific smile. I wonder if he uses whitening toothpaste...?

… "I thed, 'ow woo fwee Fwiday night foh dinnah?'" I feel Helen's eyes boring a hole into the side of my head as I force my brain to respond coherently. "Y-yes. Yes, I am."

Part 7…

… "Hi, Lisa," I say, walking up to her while discreetly tucking the paper in my back jeans pocket. She raises her eyebrows at my apparently _in_discreet actions, and I answer her unasked question with a kiss.

… She's going to love her surprise party.

Part 8…

… It's 7:00 on Thursday, and I'm about to confront the woman with whom Sam has been cheating on me. What could I possibly be thinking?

Part 9…

… Finally, I turn around and follow her gaze to see what has shocked her. All I can see is my best friend, Josh Lyman.

… I grab him by the collar and pull him towards me. I'm out of control, but, for some reason, I can't stop myself.

Part 10…

… If Josh didn't tell him about the hotel, then why was Sam bleeding? Sam's never been the aggressive type. What exactly _did_ he tell him?

… "We were both stupid and insecure and admitted our mistakes. So, let's move on." "Just like that?" Why am I looking the gift horse in the mouth?

… Somehow I doubt the problem will go away so easily.

Part 11…

… "Listen, Lisa," I say gently, standing and walking around my desk. "Yeah, I don't think this is the time or the place. It was great seeing you, though. It really was. I - I know it's late and you'd like to get Alex in his bed-" "I'm moving here."

… I lean forward to kiss her. At the last second she backs up, foiling my attempt.

… "If you'd, uh, want to - you and Alex could stay with me. At my apartment. You know, for the week. It's the least I can do."

… "Let me think about it." Well, it isn't a flat out 'no.'

Part 12…

… "Anyway, if you don't want to stay with him, then why don't you come stay with me? It will be fun, and you'll be saving money!"

… The only thing that's troubling me is the tiny desire in the back of my head for Sam Seaborn to be a part of that new life.

Part 13…

… "It would look like a fairy tale, if it works out, which we all know it will. You need to stop coming up with phony excuses, Josh. Everybody's behind you two on this one. The President of the United States, the Leader of the Free World, knows you two are in love. He started an office-wide bet to guess when you'd admit it to each other. HE'S not the one that would have a problem with you and Donna starting a romantic relationship - YOU are!"

*****

"Just remember this

After a time it's through

And evermore

Will there be days

For me and you

This is all I ask

All I ask of you

Please remember darling, I do

Love you"

- Paul McCartney, I Do

*****

"What do you want for dinner?" I ask Donna, staring in the refrigerator.

"Oh, I don't know. Something easy," She calls from her spot on the couch. She hasn't moved from the couch since she got home two hours ago. I haven't gotten much out of her - just that she had a fight with Josh.

I wonder what her comfort food is...

"How 'bout some pizza?" I give up, closing the fridge door with a sigh. "My treat."

"That sounds great. Want me to order one?"

"Sure. Sausage and extra cheese?"

"Delicious," I hand Donna the phone before I plop down on the other end of the couch.

She knows the number by heart, and a few minutes later a pizza is on its way to the apartment.

"So... are you willing to talk, or do I need to bring out the 200 watt light bulb and the Chinese water torture?"

"Huh?" A look of grief briefly passes over Donna's features. She takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Lisa. It's just... I've been trying to sort out exactly what happened today."

"You can take all the time you need, Donna. I was just concerned."

She smiles at me and pulls her legs up under her. "Thank you for being concerned. It's nothing major... just Josh being his usual self."

I may not have been friends with Donna for a long time, but I think I've known her long enough to learn that she doesn't need prodding; she'll talk when she's ready.

I wait silently on the couch for her to gather her thoughts and make sense of all the emotions that must be running through her body. I can fully emphasize with the woman - it was only a little over three years ago that Sam and I had the most horrendous fight of our relationship - a fight that, to this day, brings me to tears when I think about it.

But, now's not the time to think about all that. Donna needs me.

Almost as if on cue, she takes a breath and starts speaking.

"I asked to leave early all week. Josh was a little upset about it. I'm sorry, but... even if it wasn't for a made-up reason, still - I've poured my heart and soul into that job and I've earned the right, just for five measly days, to leave at a reasonable hour. I mean, I haven't eaten dinner at home in... God only knows how long. He has no right to guilt me about it! I gave him two week's notice, I rescheduled his two dinner meetings. But..."

"He's still giving you a hard time?" I guess.

"Exactly! He's taking it personally. You know, sometimes I think he forgets I'm just his assistant and he treats me more like his girl-" She realizes what she was about to say and abruptly shuts her mouth. "

I try to hide my smile. "His girl what?"

She swallows audibly. "His girl... maid. Maid! I was going to say he treats me more like his girl maid!"

She looks at me, a hopeful gleam in her eyes. She wants me to qualify her state of denial. I want to let her keep pretending, but a part of me won't allow it. After all, it's easier to make someone else confront denied feelings than it is to make yourself do it. Plus, she's bound to be happier when she realizes her true feelings. Right?

"You think he treats you like his girlfriend?" I ask, feeling very shrink-like. Almost like a marriage counselor.

It takes her a moment to come to terms with the truth. "Well, in some aspects."

"Which aspects?" I could be a therapist. All I need is a little notebook, a leather couch, and a Ph.D.

"There are certain... things... that come from working so closely with someone for a long time. Josh and I are very good friends. Very good. I mean, at times we finish each other's sentences. I may occasionally finish some of his food, but he evens the score by making me pick up his dry-cleaning. We have a rhythm, a balance, if you will, which we have carefully established since the first day we met. We depend on each other and this balance, and - he takes it all for granted, like, like we're married and I'll always be there for him; ready and willing to obey his every command and fulfill his every desire..." A blush rises to her alabaster cheeks as she catches her breath. "Well, uh... not EVERY desire."

"So, what you're saying is that, for all intents and purposes, you are his platonic wife. Correct?"

Donna nods after a moment's thought.

"Yeah. And I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of having to walk this fine line between the professional and the personal. I'm so sick of having to balance everything for both of us, I'm sick of the bantering and the innuendo. You don't know how hard it is," She pauses, then smiles sadly at me. "Maybe you do know how hard it is to be so close to someone and have to FORCE yourselves to remain nothing more than friends."

I let out a sigh, thinking of Sam. Why is love so damn difficult?

"I wish there was something I could tell you," I say after a moment. "I really do wish I could offer some words of advice. But, the truth is, I'm not any better off than you are, and it'd be quite hypocritical of me to tell you how to run your love life when I'm making such a mess of mine."

We smile ruefully at each other until her doorbell buzzes.

"Pizza's here!" Donna chirps. I toss her my wallet and head to the kitchen. "What do you want to drink?"

"There's a couple of cold Frescas in the door of the fridge," Donna calls as I hear her open the door.

I grab the soft drinks, two paper plates, and a handful of napkins and walk back into the living room. I stop dead in my tracks.

It wasn't the pizza guy. It was Josh.

"Donna, pleassse let me in. I wanna 'pologize for the jerk that I am," I hear him slur. Donna is standing in front of the half-opened door, blocking my view of him. Even without looking at him, I can tell Josh is slightly drunk.

"Joshua, no. I do not want to talk to you right now."

"Is Eileen here?" He asks, hiccuping. "I'll 'pologize to her, too. I bought you some flowers. I bought you some wine, too, but I got thirsty on the walk over."

"Go away, Josh. I am not going to deal with this tonight."

"C'mon, Donna," With that, he pushes the door open more, inviting himself in. He trips slightly over the diaper bag by the door, but Donna catches him before he falls.

He's drunkenly confused. "Wh - what'sss that? Does Ei- Ei -Eileen have a baby?"

Donna sighs as Josh catches sight of me framed in the kitchen doorway.

"Lisssa?" He asks. I think I've gone and confused him even more. "Lisssa'sss here too?"

"No, Josh. Lisa is staying with me all week, not Eileen," Donna says, trying to usher him out the door. "And I don't want to deal with you tonight, much less a drunken you."

"But... but... Sssam will be mad. And sad."

"Yes, I suppose he might. But you won't remember enough to tell him."

He got a look in his eye, and for a moment I wondered if he was really drunk. "If you make me leave, I'll go tell Sssam now, so I don't forget."

Donna groans, slamming the door shut. "Fine. You can stay."

"Pleassse let me 'pologize, Donna. I'm a jerk. Sssam made me see that."

"You needed Sam to help you see that?" Donna seems slightly amused. She leads Josh to the living room and seats him in one corner of the couch. She moves to leave, but Josh pulls her down next to him on the couch.

"No, but he... he made me sssee other stuff. Better stuff," The conversation seems to be taking a toll on Josh's energy level, as he's yawning.

I remain rooted to my spot in the doorway, mesmerized by the scene unfolding in front of me. Only knocking on the apartment door makes me snap out of it long enough to greet the pizza guy.

I take the pizza into the kitchen and set it on the counter. I'm no longer that hungry.

Back in the living room, Donna's patience is wearing thin.

"Did you know there's a pool in the White House?" Josh asks, handing Donna the flowers. She holds them at a distance, as if they're a shield protecting her heart.

"Yes, Josh. It's under the Press Room. Remember how you spent an entire day last year trying to convince us all to go for a swim?"

"No, that's not what I meant. I meant, a poooool. A bet. About us."

Donna's back is facing me, but I'm sure her face is an emotional palette. I sense a change in her countenance.

"What about us?"

"Well, Donnatelllla, everybody knows I love you. And they made a bet to see when I would tell you that."

Donna is silent.

"Mrs. Landingham wins the bet, Donna, 'cause I'm tellllling you now. I love you. And I thought that you should know."

"Josh..."

"Sssam says he's not you, but he thinks you love me, too. That would be nice. Do you, Donna?"

I'm amazed at how childlike and innocent Josh sounds when he's drunk.

Donna's still silent, so Josh continues uninterrupted. "Sam and I had a talk. And we don't unnerstan women. At all. But that'ssss okay 'cause I just want you to know I love you and I'm sorry I'm a jerk. Okay?"

"Josh!" Donna's angry cry surprises us both. She jumps to her feet and begins pacing. "I... No, all right? This is not okay. Why does this always happen? Why can't you ever talk seriously with me when you're NOT drunk? I don't want to live this way, Josh. I don't want to have to wait for you to have a few cold ones before you can admit your feelings. I know it's a tough situation at work. I totally understand that it's hard for you to express your feelings. But I know you know how to say what you mean. You've done it before. Remember the book you gave me for Christmas? You did it then, Joshua. Why can't you do it anymore?"

Josh just sits and stares at her in a drunken stupor. She's shocked both of us, but I have to give her credit for having the courage to do it.

"Josh," She's standing across the room from him, staring at the floor. She raises a hand and points towards the door. "Josh, I think you should leave."

The dazed man on her couch considers her words for a few seconds before shakily climbing to his feet.

"Lisa, can you call him a cab?" Donna requests tiredly as she passes me on the way to her bedroom. I nod dumbly and search for the phone book. After I make the call, I don't feel right throwing him out all by his lonesome, so Josh and I sit in silence as we wait for the taxi to arrive.

"I do love her," He whispers to me. I can see the pain in his eyes. It's absolutely true.

"She loves you, too," I whisper back after checking over my shoulder for Donna. "You can make this right again, Josh. It's not that big of a problem."

He shakes his head slightly and winces. "I dunno 'bout that."

"Sure you can," I say, opening the door and motioning for him to follow me outside. He obeys, and I quietly shut the door behind us.

It's dark except for the few orange streetlamps dotting the sidewalk. I take a seat on the cool concrete and Josh clumsily follows suit.

"How, Lisa? How do I make this right?" His voice has lost all traces of alcohol.

"You'll know. You'll think of something and you'll just know."

We lapse into silence. A car passes and I start to stand, but I realize it's not the taxi and sit back down.

"Y'know, I always wondered why you came to my hotel room that time," He says quietly.

I'm surprised he's sober enough to remember that. "We talked about that a long time ago, Josh," I remind him.

"Yeah, I know. But, I mean... why. Why you didn't trussst Sam?"

I sigh. "I don't even know, Josh. All I know is that love plays tricks on you. It can turn an ordinary mind into a scared, aggressive, paranoid schizophrenic without any warning."

He laughs and I join him. It isn't full-blown laughter, but it nevertheless feels good.

"Can I tell you a secret? You have to promise not to tell Sam."

My curiosity is getting the best of me. "I promise. And you promise not to tell Sam I'm staying with Donna?"

"I promise," Josh says, then stops. I think I confused him by asking him a question before he got to reveal his secret. His face suddenly lights up. Ah, now he remembers.

"Can I tell you a secret?" He repeats, unaware he already asked.

"Sure. And I promise not to tell Sam."

"Okay," He nods for a second before leaning over to whisper in my ear. "I think Sam still loves you."

I sit there, speechless. Josh leans back against the building and smiles happily.

"He told you that?" I ask, finally finding my voice.

"He didn't have to. I see it. Like he sees me and knows I love Donna."

Fortunately, or unfortunately (I'm not quite sure), a taxi cab pulls into the apartment's parking lot right then. I help Josh to his feet and watch as he swaggers to the car. When he's gotten in safely, I open the apartment door and go back inside.

"He gone?" Donna asks quietly. She's sitting on the floor in the living room, pizza box on the table in front of her, open but untouched.

I nod and join her on the carpet. Even if she didn't sniffle just then, I could tell from the red around her eyes that she's been crying.

"Men," She says with a sigh. "Can't live with 'em, don't want to live without 'em."

"Donna, my dear. I couldn't agree more with you."

TBC