***May 3***
The last two weeks have been hectic all around. I haven't mentioned it to the others, but the more I patrol, the weaker I get. Just in little pieces, but weaker nonetheless. Angel has noticed, I know he has, but he hasn't said anything. All he's done is started to patrol with me.
Everything at home has been strained. Only Dawn has actually asked me if I was actually considering letting Angel turn me. I truthfully told her that I was considering it, but I was going to hold out as long as I could before I decided for sure. I think Dawn wants me to go for it. Everyone else is sort of tiptoeing around the subject.
The way that I've been thinking about it that Angel turning me is on the top of our list of two plans. The other is for me to die. I don't like that idea as well. Technically, being turned is also dying, but if I had my soul, that would be different. Well, a little different.
I seriously don't know if Angel would turn me. I know that he has to be thinking about it as much, if not more, than I am. But he knows that this is a decision that I have to make. Actually considering being turned is scary. I mean, what if when we did it, I was too weak to come back, or what if Tara (we decided that if this was going to happen, Tara should do the spell, not Willow) wasn't able to do the spell right away, or at all even. Then my friends and family would have to kill me themselves! Not a pleasant idea. I need to decide soon though. The cancer is making me weaker…
The last two weeks have been hectic all around. I haven't mentioned it to the others, but the more I patrol, the weaker I get. Just in little pieces, but weaker nonetheless. Angel has noticed, I know he has, but he hasn't said anything. All he's done is started to patrol with me.
Everything at home has been strained. Only Dawn has actually asked me if I was actually considering letting Angel turn me. I truthfully told her that I was considering it, but I was going to hold out as long as I could before I decided for sure. I think Dawn wants me to go for it. Everyone else is sort of tiptoeing around the subject.
The way that I've been thinking about it that Angel turning me is on the top of our list of two plans. The other is for me to die. I don't like that idea as well. Technically, being turned is also dying, but if I had my soul, that would be different. Well, a little different.
I seriously don't know if Angel would turn me. I know that he has to be thinking about it as much, if not more, than I am. But he knows that this is a decision that I have to make. Actually considering being turned is scary. I mean, what if when we did it, I was too weak to come back, or what if Tara (we decided that if this was going to happen, Tara should do the spell, not Willow) wasn't able to do the spell right away, or at all even. Then my friends and family would have to kill me themselves! Not a pleasant idea. I need to decide soon though. The cancer is making me weaker…