***May 30***
Tomorrow night is the big night. I almost don't even care anymore. We spent the whole day at the beach today, Willow, Xander and I. Almost like old times. Except it wasn't. No one wanted to say anything, but we were all thinking it. Today was one of the last days I'll ever get to sunbathe. I gave up on mirrors about a week ago. It's too depressing to see myself like this.
Giles is worried. He thinks that things are too quiet around Sunnydale. I'm just glad. Angel is the only one really patrolling. I've been having trouble getting out of bed some days. Tomorrow everyone is coming and we'll all spend the day together. I'm so tired. It seems like I don't have the strength to go on. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.
I almost feel like I'm deserting everyone, though. Less desertion than if I was dead, but still. I don't want to die again, twice was enough. I'm going to spend the rest of their lives protecting them whenever I can.
I'm going to write everyone letters, just because I can't shake the feeling that something isn't right. If Travers ever gets his hands on this journal, he's going to have a heart attack. But that's not the point anymore. This is more for my friends and family than some stuck-up Watchers Counsel in London.
Tomorrow night is the big night. I almost don't even care anymore. We spent the whole day at the beach today, Willow, Xander and I. Almost like old times. Except it wasn't. No one wanted to say anything, but we were all thinking it. Today was one of the last days I'll ever get to sunbathe. I gave up on mirrors about a week ago. It's too depressing to see myself like this.
Giles is worried. He thinks that things are too quiet around Sunnydale. I'm just glad. Angel is the only one really patrolling. I've been having trouble getting out of bed some days. Tomorrow everyone is coming and we'll all spend the day together. I'm so tired. It seems like I don't have the strength to go on. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.
I almost feel like I'm deserting everyone, though. Less desertion than if I was dead, but still. I don't want to die again, twice was enough. I'm going to spend the rest of their lives protecting them whenever I can.
I'm going to write everyone letters, just because I can't shake the feeling that something isn't right. If Travers ever gets his hands on this journal, he's going to have a heart attack. But that's not the point anymore. This is more for my friends and family than some stuck-up Watchers Counsel in London.