Title: Stay Anyway 24/?
Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)
Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1
Previously, in Stay Anyway...
Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore. At lunch, Sam decides to ask Ainsley out to dinner and she agrees. Fast forward to Lisa and Alex waiting in the mess to eat lunch with Donna. Before she arrives, Lisa meets Ainsley, who is waiting to eat with Sam. An awkward situation ensues, in which both Sam and Lisa pretend to not know each other. That Friday, HR 206 passes, and everyone is happy. Sam and Ainsley decline the invitation to celebrate with Josh, Donna, Toby, and CJ, and instead go to dinner. After dinner, Ainsley offers to cut Sam's hair. They go to his apartment, where they both change out of their rain-drenched clothes into sweatpants. While Ainsley is cutting Sam's hair, he leans forward and kisses her. A knock at the door interrupts them. It's Lisa, who has just found out that her dad died. She can't get in touch with Donna and feels overwhelmed. She takes Alex on a walk in the rain and winds up at Sam's building. Lisa admits she never stopped loving Sam. Then Ainsley opens the door to see if everything is okay, and Sam admits that Lisa is his ex-fiancée. Lisa mumbles that she's sorry and leaves. Sam is torn between staying with Ainsley and running after Lisa. He decides to stay, and Ainsley wants to know what happened. At her apartment, Lisa gives Alex a bath and puts him to sleep. Then she makes a few phone calls before she collapses in tears. Meanwhile, Sam and Ainsley have a talk in which Sam tells her about his engagement to Lisa, and Ainsley suggests that Alex is his son. In the end, Ainsley breaks up with him, unwilling to compete with Lisa. Sam calls Donna (who's with Josh) and discovers that Lisa's dad died. He leaves and heads over to Lisa's apartment.
*****
"I try to fool myself in believing
Things are going to get better
But life goes on
Should I stay or go
Should I sleep or stay awake
Am I really happy or is it all
Just an illusion"
- Illusion, Creed
*****
I used to crave silence, back when Dad's TV would be blasting loud enough to hear in the back yard and Alex's cries of pain from teething could shatter glass. But even then, when I'd lie alone in bed at night, trying to fall asleep… even then, when I would finally get what I wanted… the silence was too much to bear.
I look around me in the dark apartment and wonder, not for the first time, just what in the hell has become of me. I never imagined my life could be like this – so dark and so… quiet. So utterly empty.
The sole purpose of my life, my entire existence, is contained within the four thin walls of the tiny bedroom down the hall. Alexander is the only reason I get up in the morning, the only reason I don't unscrew a bottle of tequila and forget about the monumentally depressing day – hell, make that 'years' – I've had.
I stand up and start pacing. Really, he's all I have. I've given up everything else- my friends, career, co-workers, neighbors. Everything that remotely resembled my life is sitting back in Pennsylvania. I made a fresh start and, after effectively screwing that up, all I'm left with is Alex and me… and I'm not too sure I like what I've become. I was so strong, so sure, I had a plan before I moved to DC. Now I don't even have that.
I'll start small – let's focus on planning this weekend. I suppose I'll have to have the funeral on Monday. That means I'll have to head back up on Sunday, or maybe Saturday night, after Alex's doctor appointment and my appointment with the Institute. I could make good time if I leave at night. On the other hand, I probably won't be in the best mindset for driving after that meeting. Sunday it is.
I sigh and rub my eyes. I must have cried for a good fifteen minutes straight before. It felt cleansing at the time, but now all I have are red eyes and a huge headache. I stop pacing and go to the bathroom in search of some acetaminophen.
I grab a bottled water from the fridge, half-expecting that, if I concentrate hard enough, I can perform a miracle and turn it into wine. Despite my efforts, the metamorphosis does not occur. With a dejected sigh, I head back into the living room, plop down on the couch, and grab the remote. I need a major distraction, but there's a box in front of the TV. Groaning, I get back up and lift up the offending box, placing it a few feet closer to its relatives in the corner- the only thing worse than packing is unpacking. The top is open and when I put it back down I notice my videotape collection inside.
A sudden, inexplicable bout of nostalgia overwhelms me, and I yank out the first home movie I find. Popping it into the VCR, I settle back into the couch with my bottle of imaginary wine.
After some initial auto-tracking, the back yard of my parents' house comes into view. There are a few people I don't recognize at first – distant relatives I'll be seeing this weekend, I suppose – crowding around a picnic table. A gust of wind blows on a banner hanging over the back door and folds it over on top of itself. My mom walks out of the back door, notices the banner is messed up, and jumps up and down, trying to swipe at the part that's folded over. The frame shakes, and I can hear my dad – the cameraman- gently laughing at her attempts. There's a shuffle and a quiet request before I see my dad striding across the back yard and joining my mother on the porch. Raising his arm, he easily pulls the banner back down.
'HAPPY COLLEGE GRADUATION, LISA!' It screams in capital red letters.
I hear a fit of coughing from Alex's room and, unable to locate the VCR remote, let the tape continue playing as I go in to check on him. As long as he's up, I take his temperature. He feels warm, but he doesn't have a fever so I don't feel too worried. I pour him some cough syrup, and he actually drinks it without a fuss. He must be feeling sick.
I lay with him until he falls back to sleep – it doesn't take long.
Walking back into the living room, I hear Sam's voice. It startles me at first, until I realize that it's from the tape. The scene playing out on my TV screen is now from my parents' thirtieth wedding anniversary party. A younger Sam is standing next to a younger me, holding hands and smiling into the camera.
"Edward, Rose – I just want to say what an extraordinary occasion this is. It's getting harder and harder to find such a loving couple that's still happily married after all these years, and for that, I salute you," He did a mock salute with the hand that was holding mine, then kept our hands in view of the camera, turning them to show off the engagement rings. The young me giggled happily and leaned up to kiss his cheek. "And let me add that you are terrific role models. God willing, our marriage will be as joyous and long-lasting as yours."
The camera switches to my uncle Bernie, and I take a swig of water. Maybe this isn't the best thing to be watching right now. I'm depressed enough as it is. Yeah, this was a brilliant idea – let's rub some salt in the fresh wounds.
Nonetheless, I can't bring myself to turn it off. Instead, I watch, eyes glued to the screen, as it turns to static, then resumes taping in front of a piñata. My dad spins my blindfolded mom and she stumbles before taking three unsuccessful swings. Laughing, she hands the blindfold and bat to my dad and spins him. He manages to hit the target the second time, but doesn't smack it hard enough to crack it open.
The crowd insists that it's my turn next, and I'm laughing as Sam blindfolds me. He hands me the bat and spins me around. He kisses me on the forehead and gently pushes me in the right direction. I wobble slightly and, three swings later, have managed to whack the swinging piñata once.
Next it's Sam's turn. I spin him around five times and send him forward. Unfortunately, he is a bit dizzy and, before anyone can stop him, he takes a few steps in the wrong direction, brings the bat over his head, winds up for the hit, and BAM! Instead of smashing open the piñata, Sam had wandered over to the table and obliterated the large chocolate sheet cake.
Despite my mood, I find myself laughing at the chaos on the screen. I had totally forgotten about that mess.
I watch my dad remove the healthy piñata from its perch and stamp it open. A few scattered young children pounce on the freed candy. In the background I can see my younger self laughing and helping a red-faced Sam clean the splattered cake off of his white polo shirt.
The camera turns and zooms in on my parents. They're standing by the remnants of the piñata, lip-locked and looking totally in love.
The sight makes my heart ache, both for them and for me.
Will I ever find that happiness? Or have I foolishly let it slip out of my grasp? I feel so selfish.
Either way, I make up my mind right then and there. I'll give my new office the two week's notice they need, and as soon as I can I'll head back to Pennsylvania. I know I can't get the old house back, but even if I could I don't know if I'd want it. There are too many memories in that house. It's about time I get a new place, make a new home. I may not be able to provide Alex with the best family, but I know I can at least give him a nice house with a big yard. He deserves better than a cramped apartment in a crime-infested city and a mother hung up on the past.
The tape goes to static again, but for longer this time. I think it's over.
I rub my eyes, suddenly tired, and get up to turn off the TV and VCR and go to bed. As I'm pressing the power button, there's a knock on the door.
I wonder who that could possibly be. Maybe it's Donna. I remember as I walk to the door that I took the phone off the hook – maybe she got my message and was worried.
I peer through the peephole and my throat tightens. I'm too tired to deal with this, too weak to have to defend my reasoning.
Keeping the chain on, I open the door a crack.
"Sam, what do you want?" I ask tiredly,
He stares at me a moment, startled. "I want to talk to you."
I close the door in his face.
TBC