Title: Stay Anyway 25/?
Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)
Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1
Previously, in Stay Anyway...
Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore. At lunch, Sam decides to ask Ainsley out to dinner and she agrees. Fast forward to Lisa and Alex waiting in the mess to eat lunch with Donna. Before she arrives, Lisa meets Ainsley, who is waiting to eat with Sam. An awkward situation ensues, in which both Sam and Lisa pretend to not know each other. That Friday, HR 206 passes, and everyone is happy. Sam and Ainsley decline the invitation to celebrate with Josh, Donna, Toby, and CJ, and instead go to dinner. After dinner, Ainsley offers to cut Sam's hair. They go to his apartment, where they both change out of their rain-drenched clothes into sweatpants. While Ainsley is cutting Sam's hair, he leans forward and kisses her. A knock at the door interrupts them. It's Lisa, who has just found out that her dad died. She can't get in touch with Donna and feels overwhelmed. She takes Alex on a walk in the rain and winds up at Sam's building. Lisa admits she never stopped loving Sam. Then Ainsley opens the door to see if everything is okay, and Sam admits that Lisa is his ex-fiancée. Lisa mumbles that she's sorry and leaves. Sam is torn between staying with Ainsley and running after Lisa. He decides to stay, and Ainsley wants to know what happened. At her apartment, Lisa gives Alex a bath and puts him to sleep. Then she makes a few phone calls before she collapses in tears. Meanwhile, Sam and Ainsley have a talk in which Sam tells her about his engagement to Lisa, and Ainsley suggests that Alex is his son. In the end, Ainsley breaks up with him, unwilling to compete with Lisa. Sam calls Donna (who's with Josh) and discovers that Lisa's dad died. He leaves and heads over to Lisa's apartment. Lisa watches home movies and, becoming depressed, decides to move back to Pennsylvania after the funeral. She's about to go to sleep when Sam knocks on the door. He holds her while she cries. When he asks her what the second thing she had to tell him was, she kisses him.
*****
"Nothing ages so quickly as yesterday's vision of the future."- Richard Corliss
*****
Oh God. What have I done?
I look over next to me and watch Sam as he sleeps. My eyes narrow in confusion when I notice that half his hair is shorter than the rest. Hmm. I didn't see that before.
Anyway, back to my lamenting, Oh, of all the terrible ways for this night to end… well, actually, it was as far from terrible as you can get, but still… this definitely wasn't a smart move on my part. On either of our parts.
I can't help but wonder what's going to happen when Sam wakes up. Alex will be happy to see his friend again, and he's thankfully too young to understand why Sam will already be here.
And me? I'm… happy he's here, too. On one level. On another I'm afraid. Very afraid. My willpower has gradually widdled away so much that I'm now at the point where I just don't feel like fighting it anymore. Screw the press, screw his job. I love him. I love him and for once, I'd like to be selfish.
Selfish, but still incredibly guilty-ridden. Especially about… what he's certainly going to find out about. I rest my head on his bare chest and close my eyes, listening to the peaceful rhythm of his breathing. Even after all we've been through, we're still not in the clear. Once he finds out, we might never talk again.
I used to know Sam better than I knew myself, but it's been too long, and something like this has never come up before. I can't even imagine how he'll take the news. And I don't know if I'm strong enough to tell him it myself.
The way I see it, though, is that I don't even have a choice. He's going to know soon enough, and once the press gets wind of it, the situation will not be pleasant. It's better if I tell him, give him time to absorb the information, maybe even find a way to spin it.
It's not even that bad of a situation. It will get blown out of proportion, of course – this IS America, afterall- but maybe the people won't see it that way. Maybe they won't even care. I mean, so what if the Deputy Communications Director of the White House had a child out of wedlock with his ex-fiancée, who wasn't even his ex-fiancee at the time? The only way it could be bad is if they think he forced me to keep his name off of the birth certificate, which he didn't. I don't know how I could prove that though. Phone records, maybe?
I'm getting ahead of myself. I have to tell Sam he's Alex's father first.
Sam shifts under me, yawning loudly. It's like he just read my revealing thoughts. With a determined sigh I look up at him, startled to find him staring at me.
"Good morning," I say quietly. For some reason I feel a blush creeping up my cheeks.
"Good morning to you, too," He smiles and leans down to kiss the top of my head. "Sleep well?"
"Not really. I kept getting up to check on Alex."
"Ah," He murmurs, closing his eyes. I reposition myself so I'm laying on my back, head tilted towards his.
"You?"
"Me? I slept just fine."
We settle into silence.
"Is this going to be a problem?" I ask suddenly. His eyebrows furrow, but his eyes remain closed.
"Hmm?"
"Is this going to be a problem?" I repeat. One eye opens and peeps at me.
"What? Us?"
"Yeah."
"I dunno," He answers truthfully. It makes me simultaneously happy and sad that he's being realistic – happy because he's assessing the situation practically, sad because I think we both could use his optimism.
"Sam, I think I should tell you that second thing now."
Both blue eyes flutter open at the serious tone of my voice. I shift and sit up, wrapping the blanket around me as he follows suit.
"Okay."
I take a deep breath. 'Like a band-aid,' I tell myself. Just get it out quickly and get it over with.
"I never called you when my mom died because… well, I was a little preoccupied. Remember how when we broke up, I had been sick for a while before? I thought it was the flu, but I went to the doctor, and, well.... I lied to you last night – I did think about calling you. Everyday. You see…I found out I was pregnant a week after we broke up."
Sam just stares at me. He's shocked, I can tell, and he has every right to be. I wonder how long it will be before the anger takes over. It's inevitable. I just hope after the yelling that he'll forgive me. Eventually.
We sit there for an uncomfortably-long five minutes or so. It feels like an eternity longer, though. When he finally talks, his eyes are eerily dark. It worries me. "Why did you never tell me?"
I take a deep breath and look everywhere but at his eyes. "I know it will sound stupid now, but it made a lot of sense at the time. Not that I was in the best frame of mind anyhow, what with Mom dying and the morning sickness during the funeral plans, but… I was in shock for a while. And part of me kept thinking we'd get back together. But as the campaign progressed, I realized how wrong I was. By then, of course, it was too late. You were already in the public eye, and Bartlet seemed like such a great guy. I wanted him to win, I wanted YOU to win, and I didn't want any scandals, I didn't want to hurt you guys. So I… I never called you," He opens his mouth to comment, but I plunge onward. "Sam, I don't even know how many times I picked up the phone and dialed most of the numbers. I just… I couldn't let myself do it. And when Alex was born, coincidently on the day President Bartlet was sworn in, I did what I felt was right at the time. I left your name off the birth certificate… Listen, I know how this sounds, how this puts me in a bad light, and I don't deny what I did might not have been the best idea. But, you have to understand, Sam. An irrational part of me kept me going. I made myself believe that when Bartlet's term was up, for some reason you'd come back to me, and we'd be a family and everything would be fine. And Alex, I know it's not fair to him, but he knows he has a father. An important father. We used to watch the news together, Alex and I, and I'd tell him that his daddy lived in the big white house in DC. That's all he knows. And I feel like scum, I really do, but I don't know what to do to make it all better. I wish I did. I wish I could make it better for you, and for Alex. I wish I could make it so you didn't hate me, but I don't know how."
By the end of my speech, tears are streaming down my face. Sam reaches over with his hands and wipes my tears away with his thumbs. He leaves his hands cupping my face, staring straight into my eyes, seemingly into my soul.
"Lisa…" He pauses and laughs nervously. "You know, for someone who spends his days wrapped up in words, the English language sure is failing me now."
I smile half-heartedly at his words, but silent tears continue to drip down my cheeks.
"Lisa, I… Last night, before I came over here… Ainsley said something that – I mean, she suggested that… she made me wonder if maybe Alex was my son. And I'll be honest – at first I didn't believe it. Why would I? She was breaking up with me, and just threw that into the mess as she was leaving. But then I got to thinking, and the idea didn't seem ridiculous at all. In fact, I started wondering why I hadn't picked up on it earlier. When I asked you, way back in the White House lobby, who the father was, and you said you "certainly didn't expect him to stay" – I should have known, right? I mean, you used almost those exact words when we broke up – "I certainly don't expect you to stay, Sam." But I didn't think, I didn't even consider that he was my son. Not for a second. Not until Ainsley… And even then I had my doubts. But when I thought about you coming over, dripping wet, to tell me two things, two important things… it all started to make sense. On the way over here last night, I was so set to yell at you, to demand the truth, to get all high-and-mighty on you – but I couldn't. I remembered that Edward had just died, and you're a single mother, you'd just moved here, and you have to plan his funeral. The anger just magically dissipated. And now… now I'm left with amazement. Excitement. A little bit of hurt for having missed the last two and a half years of his life. And love for both of you. Amazement, excitement, hurt, and love. Most of all love. As corny as it is…" He trailed off, smiling. I am surprised to see tears on his cheeks, too.
We sit there for a moment, staring at each other with both our faces wet. Suddenly I feel something bubbling up from inside of me. Mere seconds later, I'm laughing hysterically. Sam stares at me, smiling in confusion.
"What?" He asks curiously.
I try to catch my breath, but to no avail. "I… don't… know," I gasp between laughs. "It just… it's funny… we're both so… happy… for once… and we're crying… like babies."
Sam shoots me a full-blown smile and wipes at his cheeks. "I wasn't crying," He defends with a lighthearted chuckle.
My laughter dies down, and I grin at the man sitting in front of me. "What's next?"
He looks slightly taken-aback at my words. "What?" I inquire, intrigued.
"Nothing. That was just – the President always says that. It was a little weird, that's all."
I nod and suddenly hear an electronic version of 'Hail to the Chief' chirping from across the room, almost as if on cue. We look at each other in confusion until it sinks in that it's Sam's cell phone. He leaps up to answer it and I climb out of bed, too, grabbing my robe and slipping it on as I go to see how Alex is doing.
I enter his little room and smile at his sleeping form. I sweep the brown locks of hair out of his face and check his forehead for a fever. Thankfully, he feels normal.
I hear footsteps and turn around to find Sam standing in the doorway, wearing his boxers and holding his clothes in his hand.
"Lisa, that was Toby. I'm really sorry, but he needs me to come in.'
I make a 'shooing' gesture and follow him into the hallway, quietly shutting Alex's door.
"That's fine, Sam. He has a one thirty doctor's appointment anyway, then I have to swing by the Institute, and I have to get packed for Pennsylvania."
"I want to come with," He states determinedly. I shrug.
"I'm not going to say no," I say, walking into the kitchen. "It'd be economical to share a car, so when do you think you'll be done?"
"I don't know," Sam sighs, sinking into a chair at the kitchen table. I can tell he's frustrated.
"Rough estimate. Seven? Eight? Eight thirty?" I open the cabinet above the sink and pull out a large container of oatmeal. Sam's disgusted look at my choice doesn't go unnoticed.
"Eight sounds good. Even if we're not done, I can just staff it out to some interns or something." He pauses, watching me as I prepare two bowls (one for me and one for Alex, who will be awake soon – he's always been an early- riser). "Ick. I don't want any, thank you."
"Sam, you haven't changed at all, have you?" I chide. He rolls his eyes.
"Oatmeal and I have never gotten along. I know it's healthy and all, but I just can't stomach it."
"Okay. Suit yourself. This was for Alex and me anyway- I figured you still didn't like it."
"Ah,"
"Help yourself to something else, though."
"Maybe." He pauses as I join him at the table. "Is it okay if I take a shower?"
"No, you must remain smelly."
"Ha ha," He sticks his tongue out at me playfully. I return the favor.
"Seriously, though…" His tone and demeanor change suddenly. "Are we, uh… you know, are we dating now?"
I consider his question momentarily. It IS a good one. "I don't know. Would you like to?"
"Would you?"
I roll my eyes at his avoidance of the question. "Yes. I would like to give us a second chance."
He nods, then leans forward to kiss me softly. The kiss is quick, and he leaps to his feet. "I have to get ready. Toby'll have my ass if I'm late," He turns to go to the bathroom, then stops and spins around. "Wait. I – I have to tell CJ about the funeral and my days off, and she'll be wondering…"
"You want to tell the world?" I guess, unsure of my feelings on the topic. He nods, scrunching up his face a little.
"It would be best to tell her before anything gets out to the Press."
"Yeah, that's fine with me," I answer before even realizing it. He smiles brightly.
"Good. Okay, I gotta hurry now," He dashes off into the bathroom. I hear the door close and let out a sigh. I take one of the bowls of oatmeal and sit at the table. Just as I put the spoon to my mouth, I hear the distant chirping of 'Hail to the Chief.'
I toss the spoon back in the bowl and hurry to my bedroom, knocking on the bathroom door as I pass it. Sam peeks his head out as I enter my room, spinning around in search of the ringing phone.
"Your phone," I call down the hall, picking it up triumphantly from the dresser. He jogs into the room and snatches it from my hand.
"Sam Seaborn," He answers, breathless. I watch him as he listens and he rolls his eyes. "Toby, calm down. I'm getting in the shower right now… He did? When?… Oh. How did CJ take it?… Oh… Yeah, I'll just forget the shower then."
He presses the end button and looks at me. "Well, there's some good news and some bad news," He says, walking to the bathroom to get his clothes.
"Okay. Good news first."
"It appears that Josh and Donna are now a couple."
"Really?" I can't believe it. I'm so happy for them! Ah! No wonder Donna didn't answer her phone last night. "And what's the bad news?"
"The bad news," He says, hopping on one foot as he slips on his pants. "Is that Josh told CJ about the relationship today, and she's not very happy about it."
"Why?"
"You know, I'm not sure. I don't know the particulars yet, but I'm sure that since Josh is involved, it's something that's going to be bad, or at least irritating, for poor CJ."
"Okay," I say, following him to the apartment door as he buttons his shirt. He slips on his shoes while I fiddle with his tie. "Sam, you look atrocious."
"Thanks. I'll just tell everyone I slept out in the storm last night."
"I don't think anyone would doubt you," I tease, leaning in to give him a quick kiss on the lips. He returns it with more energy than he should, and we stand there for a minute or two before we both stop for some air.
"I'm sorry. I gotta go."
"It's okay, Sam. Really. Go on."
"Hey, don't forget to give Alex what's in that little white bag. I think he'll like it."
"What is it?"
"A sailboat."
"Oh, so you're already trying to turn him into your little protégé, huh?" I accuse with a smile.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
He winks at me before bounding down the hall.
"Wait!" I call after him. He stops in his tracks and turns around.
"What?" He yells.
"I forgot to tell you before – only half your hair is cut!"
Even from the other end of the hallway, I can see his eyes grow wide with realization. "That's okay. No time to fix it now!" He calls before dashing out the door.
TBC
Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)
Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1
Previously, in Stay Anyway...
Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore. At lunch, Sam decides to ask Ainsley out to dinner and she agrees. Fast forward to Lisa and Alex waiting in the mess to eat lunch with Donna. Before she arrives, Lisa meets Ainsley, who is waiting to eat with Sam. An awkward situation ensues, in which both Sam and Lisa pretend to not know each other. That Friday, HR 206 passes, and everyone is happy. Sam and Ainsley decline the invitation to celebrate with Josh, Donna, Toby, and CJ, and instead go to dinner. After dinner, Ainsley offers to cut Sam's hair. They go to his apartment, where they both change out of their rain-drenched clothes into sweatpants. While Ainsley is cutting Sam's hair, he leans forward and kisses her. A knock at the door interrupts them. It's Lisa, who has just found out that her dad died. She can't get in touch with Donna and feels overwhelmed. She takes Alex on a walk in the rain and winds up at Sam's building. Lisa admits she never stopped loving Sam. Then Ainsley opens the door to see if everything is okay, and Sam admits that Lisa is his ex-fiancée. Lisa mumbles that she's sorry and leaves. Sam is torn between staying with Ainsley and running after Lisa. He decides to stay, and Ainsley wants to know what happened. At her apartment, Lisa gives Alex a bath and puts him to sleep. Then she makes a few phone calls before she collapses in tears. Meanwhile, Sam and Ainsley have a talk in which Sam tells her about his engagement to Lisa, and Ainsley suggests that Alex is his son. In the end, Ainsley breaks up with him, unwilling to compete with Lisa. Sam calls Donna (who's with Josh) and discovers that Lisa's dad died. He leaves and heads over to Lisa's apartment. Lisa watches home movies and, becoming depressed, decides to move back to Pennsylvania after the funeral. She's about to go to sleep when Sam knocks on the door. He holds her while she cries. When he asks her what the second thing she had to tell him was, she kisses him.
*****
"Nothing ages so quickly as yesterday's vision of the future."- Richard Corliss
*****
Oh God. What have I done?
I look over next to me and watch Sam as he sleeps. My eyes narrow in confusion when I notice that half his hair is shorter than the rest. Hmm. I didn't see that before.
Anyway, back to my lamenting, Oh, of all the terrible ways for this night to end… well, actually, it was as far from terrible as you can get, but still… this definitely wasn't a smart move on my part. On either of our parts.
I can't help but wonder what's going to happen when Sam wakes up. Alex will be happy to see his friend again, and he's thankfully too young to understand why Sam will already be here.
And me? I'm… happy he's here, too. On one level. On another I'm afraid. Very afraid. My willpower has gradually widdled away so much that I'm now at the point where I just don't feel like fighting it anymore. Screw the press, screw his job. I love him. I love him and for once, I'd like to be selfish.
Selfish, but still incredibly guilty-ridden. Especially about… what he's certainly going to find out about. I rest my head on his bare chest and close my eyes, listening to the peaceful rhythm of his breathing. Even after all we've been through, we're still not in the clear. Once he finds out, we might never talk again.
I used to know Sam better than I knew myself, but it's been too long, and something like this has never come up before. I can't even imagine how he'll take the news. And I don't know if I'm strong enough to tell him it myself.
The way I see it, though, is that I don't even have a choice. He's going to know soon enough, and once the press gets wind of it, the situation will not be pleasant. It's better if I tell him, give him time to absorb the information, maybe even find a way to spin it.
It's not even that bad of a situation. It will get blown out of proportion, of course – this IS America, afterall- but maybe the people won't see it that way. Maybe they won't even care. I mean, so what if the Deputy Communications Director of the White House had a child out of wedlock with his ex-fiancée, who wasn't even his ex-fiancee at the time? The only way it could be bad is if they think he forced me to keep his name off of the birth certificate, which he didn't. I don't know how I could prove that though. Phone records, maybe?
I'm getting ahead of myself. I have to tell Sam he's Alex's father first.
Sam shifts under me, yawning loudly. It's like he just read my revealing thoughts. With a determined sigh I look up at him, startled to find him staring at me.
"Good morning," I say quietly. For some reason I feel a blush creeping up my cheeks.
"Good morning to you, too," He smiles and leans down to kiss the top of my head. "Sleep well?"
"Not really. I kept getting up to check on Alex."
"Ah," He murmurs, closing his eyes. I reposition myself so I'm laying on my back, head tilted towards his.
"You?"
"Me? I slept just fine."
We settle into silence.
"Is this going to be a problem?" I ask suddenly. His eyebrows furrow, but his eyes remain closed.
"Hmm?"
"Is this going to be a problem?" I repeat. One eye opens and peeps at me.
"What? Us?"
"Yeah."
"I dunno," He answers truthfully. It makes me simultaneously happy and sad that he's being realistic – happy because he's assessing the situation practically, sad because I think we both could use his optimism.
"Sam, I think I should tell you that second thing now."
Both blue eyes flutter open at the serious tone of my voice. I shift and sit up, wrapping the blanket around me as he follows suit.
"Okay."
I take a deep breath. 'Like a band-aid,' I tell myself. Just get it out quickly and get it over with.
"I never called you when my mom died because… well, I was a little preoccupied. Remember how when we broke up, I had been sick for a while before? I thought it was the flu, but I went to the doctor, and, well.... I lied to you last night – I did think about calling you. Everyday. You see…I found out I was pregnant a week after we broke up."
Sam just stares at me. He's shocked, I can tell, and he has every right to be. I wonder how long it will be before the anger takes over. It's inevitable. I just hope after the yelling that he'll forgive me. Eventually.
We sit there for an uncomfortably-long five minutes or so. It feels like an eternity longer, though. When he finally talks, his eyes are eerily dark. It worries me. "Why did you never tell me?"
I take a deep breath and look everywhere but at his eyes. "I know it will sound stupid now, but it made a lot of sense at the time. Not that I was in the best frame of mind anyhow, what with Mom dying and the morning sickness during the funeral plans, but… I was in shock for a while. And part of me kept thinking we'd get back together. But as the campaign progressed, I realized how wrong I was. By then, of course, it was too late. You were already in the public eye, and Bartlet seemed like such a great guy. I wanted him to win, I wanted YOU to win, and I didn't want any scandals, I didn't want to hurt you guys. So I… I never called you," He opens his mouth to comment, but I plunge onward. "Sam, I don't even know how many times I picked up the phone and dialed most of the numbers. I just… I couldn't let myself do it. And when Alex was born, coincidently on the day President Bartlet was sworn in, I did what I felt was right at the time. I left your name off the birth certificate… Listen, I know how this sounds, how this puts me in a bad light, and I don't deny what I did might not have been the best idea. But, you have to understand, Sam. An irrational part of me kept me going. I made myself believe that when Bartlet's term was up, for some reason you'd come back to me, and we'd be a family and everything would be fine. And Alex, I know it's not fair to him, but he knows he has a father. An important father. We used to watch the news together, Alex and I, and I'd tell him that his daddy lived in the big white house in DC. That's all he knows. And I feel like scum, I really do, but I don't know what to do to make it all better. I wish I did. I wish I could make it better for you, and for Alex. I wish I could make it so you didn't hate me, but I don't know how."
By the end of my speech, tears are streaming down my face. Sam reaches over with his hands and wipes my tears away with his thumbs. He leaves his hands cupping my face, staring straight into my eyes, seemingly into my soul.
"Lisa…" He pauses and laughs nervously. "You know, for someone who spends his days wrapped up in words, the English language sure is failing me now."
I smile half-heartedly at his words, but silent tears continue to drip down my cheeks.
"Lisa, I… Last night, before I came over here… Ainsley said something that – I mean, she suggested that… she made me wonder if maybe Alex was my son. And I'll be honest – at first I didn't believe it. Why would I? She was breaking up with me, and just threw that into the mess as she was leaving. But then I got to thinking, and the idea didn't seem ridiculous at all. In fact, I started wondering why I hadn't picked up on it earlier. When I asked you, way back in the White House lobby, who the father was, and you said you "certainly didn't expect him to stay" – I should have known, right? I mean, you used almost those exact words when we broke up – "I certainly don't expect you to stay, Sam." But I didn't think, I didn't even consider that he was my son. Not for a second. Not until Ainsley… And even then I had my doubts. But when I thought about you coming over, dripping wet, to tell me two things, two important things… it all started to make sense. On the way over here last night, I was so set to yell at you, to demand the truth, to get all high-and-mighty on you – but I couldn't. I remembered that Edward had just died, and you're a single mother, you'd just moved here, and you have to plan his funeral. The anger just magically dissipated. And now… now I'm left with amazement. Excitement. A little bit of hurt for having missed the last two and a half years of his life. And love for both of you. Amazement, excitement, hurt, and love. Most of all love. As corny as it is…" He trailed off, smiling. I am surprised to see tears on his cheeks, too.
We sit there for a moment, staring at each other with both our faces wet. Suddenly I feel something bubbling up from inside of me. Mere seconds later, I'm laughing hysterically. Sam stares at me, smiling in confusion.
"What?" He asks curiously.
I try to catch my breath, but to no avail. "I… don't… know," I gasp between laughs. "It just… it's funny… we're both so… happy… for once… and we're crying… like babies."
Sam shoots me a full-blown smile and wipes at his cheeks. "I wasn't crying," He defends with a lighthearted chuckle.
My laughter dies down, and I grin at the man sitting in front of me. "What's next?"
He looks slightly taken-aback at my words. "What?" I inquire, intrigued.
"Nothing. That was just – the President always says that. It was a little weird, that's all."
I nod and suddenly hear an electronic version of 'Hail to the Chief' chirping from across the room, almost as if on cue. We look at each other in confusion until it sinks in that it's Sam's cell phone. He leaps up to answer it and I climb out of bed, too, grabbing my robe and slipping it on as I go to see how Alex is doing.
I enter his little room and smile at his sleeping form. I sweep the brown locks of hair out of his face and check his forehead for a fever. Thankfully, he feels normal.
I hear footsteps and turn around to find Sam standing in the doorway, wearing his boxers and holding his clothes in his hand.
"Lisa, that was Toby. I'm really sorry, but he needs me to come in.'
I make a 'shooing' gesture and follow him into the hallway, quietly shutting Alex's door.
"That's fine, Sam. He has a one thirty doctor's appointment anyway, then I have to swing by the Institute, and I have to get packed for Pennsylvania."
"I want to come with," He states determinedly. I shrug.
"I'm not going to say no," I say, walking into the kitchen. "It'd be economical to share a car, so when do you think you'll be done?"
"I don't know," Sam sighs, sinking into a chair at the kitchen table. I can tell he's frustrated.
"Rough estimate. Seven? Eight? Eight thirty?" I open the cabinet above the sink and pull out a large container of oatmeal. Sam's disgusted look at my choice doesn't go unnoticed.
"Eight sounds good. Even if we're not done, I can just staff it out to some interns or something." He pauses, watching me as I prepare two bowls (one for me and one for Alex, who will be awake soon – he's always been an early- riser). "Ick. I don't want any, thank you."
"Sam, you haven't changed at all, have you?" I chide. He rolls his eyes.
"Oatmeal and I have never gotten along. I know it's healthy and all, but I just can't stomach it."
"Okay. Suit yourself. This was for Alex and me anyway- I figured you still didn't like it."
"Ah,"
"Help yourself to something else, though."
"Maybe." He pauses as I join him at the table. "Is it okay if I take a shower?"
"No, you must remain smelly."
"Ha ha," He sticks his tongue out at me playfully. I return the favor.
"Seriously, though…" His tone and demeanor change suddenly. "Are we, uh… you know, are we dating now?"
I consider his question momentarily. It IS a good one. "I don't know. Would you like to?"
"Would you?"
I roll my eyes at his avoidance of the question. "Yes. I would like to give us a second chance."
He nods, then leans forward to kiss me softly. The kiss is quick, and he leaps to his feet. "I have to get ready. Toby'll have my ass if I'm late," He turns to go to the bathroom, then stops and spins around. "Wait. I – I have to tell CJ about the funeral and my days off, and she'll be wondering…"
"You want to tell the world?" I guess, unsure of my feelings on the topic. He nods, scrunching up his face a little.
"It would be best to tell her before anything gets out to the Press."
"Yeah, that's fine with me," I answer before even realizing it. He smiles brightly.
"Good. Okay, I gotta hurry now," He dashes off into the bathroom. I hear the door close and let out a sigh. I take one of the bowls of oatmeal and sit at the table. Just as I put the spoon to my mouth, I hear the distant chirping of 'Hail to the Chief.'
I toss the spoon back in the bowl and hurry to my bedroom, knocking on the bathroom door as I pass it. Sam peeks his head out as I enter my room, spinning around in search of the ringing phone.
"Your phone," I call down the hall, picking it up triumphantly from the dresser. He jogs into the room and snatches it from my hand.
"Sam Seaborn," He answers, breathless. I watch him as he listens and he rolls his eyes. "Toby, calm down. I'm getting in the shower right now… He did? When?… Oh. How did CJ take it?… Oh… Yeah, I'll just forget the shower then."
He presses the end button and looks at me. "Well, there's some good news and some bad news," He says, walking to the bathroom to get his clothes.
"Okay. Good news first."
"It appears that Josh and Donna are now a couple."
"Really?" I can't believe it. I'm so happy for them! Ah! No wonder Donna didn't answer her phone last night. "And what's the bad news?"
"The bad news," He says, hopping on one foot as he slips on his pants. "Is that Josh told CJ about the relationship today, and she's not very happy about it."
"Why?"
"You know, I'm not sure. I don't know the particulars yet, but I'm sure that since Josh is involved, it's something that's going to be bad, or at least irritating, for poor CJ."
"Okay," I say, following him to the apartment door as he buttons his shirt. He slips on his shoes while I fiddle with his tie. "Sam, you look atrocious."
"Thanks. I'll just tell everyone I slept out in the storm last night."
"I don't think anyone would doubt you," I tease, leaning in to give him a quick kiss on the lips. He returns it with more energy than he should, and we stand there for a minute or two before we both stop for some air.
"I'm sorry. I gotta go."
"It's okay, Sam. Really. Go on."
"Hey, don't forget to give Alex what's in that little white bag. I think he'll like it."
"What is it?"
"A sailboat."
"Oh, so you're already trying to turn him into your little protégé, huh?" I accuse with a smile.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
He winks at me before bounding down the hall.
"Wait!" I call after him. He stops in his tracks and turns around.
"What?" He yells.
"I forgot to tell you before – only half your hair is cut!"
Even from the other end of the hallway, I can see his eyes grow wide with realization. "That's okay. No time to fix it now!" He calls before dashing out the door.
TBC