Chapter 10
The pains were getting closer together and more violent. Those pains that were all to familiar but broke her heart once more each time she felt them. Each one gripped her stomach like a force of strength – each one brought the life inside her closer to its end.
Nancy rested her clammy forehead against the cool stone wall of the alleyway. Five months she had carried. The longest she had ever had a child inside her and she bloomed too as the knowledge that she would finally have someone who would give her unconditional love was no longer a fantasy but a reality that drew nearer with each day.
The hot salty tears ran down her cheeks unchecked as the reality slowly and painfully turned back to a fantasy. She didn't care anymore. As another spasm of pain gripped her she slid to the pavement and into the gutter. "The gutter" she thought, "Where nothings like me belong"
The past 5 months hadn't been too bad. She had found work in an inn that had paid its way. The hardest part was leaving him. She couldn't stay there with Bill, she hadn't even told him why or where she was going. She had said bye in the morning and didn't come back. Bill. Why did she love him? Why after all that had happened after all that he had done would she run back at a drop of a hat? It wasn't love, really. How can someone say they are in love when they have never been loved to begin with?
Another pain came and she thought her body would tear in two. This is it she thought here in the gutter how fitting to die where you were born.
The hands came down as if the heavens had opened up. She heard someone scream his name. It was her she was calling out for him. Where was he? All she ever wanted was to be in his arms but as per usual he was not there. It was then Nancy realized it was her who was screaming, her that was calling out for him.
But this wasn't him. The man who's arms went around her and called for help this wasn't what she wanted. She was going to die she could sense it. A feeling of immense peace and happiness surrounded her-the only time she had felt like this was when Bill had took her home that fatal night when she decided enough was enough and it had to end. She was all ready she had had the dirty piece of glass in her hand and was examining her snow white wrist when he had found her and put his arms around her. Then she had felt happy because someone cared.
The next thing she knew she was in a bed with clean…she checked again yes clean bedding! The feeling that something was missing suddenly engulfed her and her hand went instantly to her stomach. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream, shout and sob hysterically and beat the walls and let the world know that life wasn't fair! But nothing for she had no tears left. She felt empty and dead inside. She gazed up at the ceiling of the room she was in. Why was she being punished? Why could she just not die and be done with it? What pleasure was some higher being getting seeing her life being ripped to shreds?
Just then her thoughts on life and death were interrupted by the door to the room being carefully opened and in stepped a young man. She knew him. He had been in the pub that night…. That night when…
"Morning mademoiselle" He greeted her with a gentle smile but eyes full of concern.
She smiled back but it did not reach her eyes.
"I'm Nicholas Feuilly I believe we have already met once in an inn when you gave one of my friends a run for his money" He chuckled at the memory.
"Yeah I remember" No laugh, no smirk not even a smile.
Feuilly regarded this young girl in his bed. She was pretty but could be beautiful but life had dealt her some blows judging from the state he had found her in. And her eyes. They were the worse he forced himself to look into them when he spoke to her but inwardly shuddered at the empty look in them. They reminded him of the eyes of a dead dog he had seen in the street. They were dead eyes that's what was so errie about her she was like a corpse.
Nancy studied the young man hovering in the doorway. Was tall, not as tall as Bill but he wasn't what she would call short. He had dark brown hair and soft gentle brown eyes. She knew he was summing up her appearance just as she was his and she decided it was time she was off a day off the streets was a day out of the pub as far as she was concerned.
"Well thanks for the bed but I gotta be off you know I can't afford to send two days off the street"
"Two days? You have been here for two weeks we didn't think you'd make it but against the odds you pulled through thank god Joly would have lost it if he's first real patient had died!" A look of horror crossed his face " Oh god Im sorry! I didn't mean for it to sound like that I mean I was supposed to say that-"
"It's ok" Nancy smiled at the young mans rambling but once again Feuilly noticed the eyes stayed blank "I know what you meant all the same I'll be on me way" She went to move and felt a wave of sickness come over her and collapsed back against the pillow. He was there in a second sat next to her on the bed.
"You aren't well, there's no need to rush off you can stay here as long as you like- there is only me here and well it will be nice to have a woman's touch around the place."
In an instant Nancy's mind went back 3 years it all replayed in her mind as if it was yesterday.
"Nance" as he said her name he took her small hands in his rough ones "why don't you stay here? I know I ain't always here and it's no the Ritz or anything but I couldn't bare to see to you on the streets again." He hesitated saying stuff like this weren't easy for him, he weren't the kind of bloke who wore his heart on his sleeve and she saw it. She took her hands out of his and wrapped them around his neck "Bill…I..I dunno what to say"
"Yes might be a good start" He said with a laugh
"Yes if you'll have me"
The laughter went from his eyes
"Nance you gotta keep quiet though you hear? What I do it could send me to the gallows and a few more beside if I thought I couldn't trust ya I would slit your throat lord knows I've done worse."
"But you do trust me don't you? You wouldn't ask me to live in would you if you didn't?"
Bill looked down into her eyes and saw they were sparkling what had he done to deserve a treasure like her?
"Nah your right I wouldn't" and with that he kissed her and Nance knew this was the start of her life.
The image of her happier days faded and the need to be with Bill increased but the fear of history repeating itself was greater
" Thanks but I shall be off me regulars will be wondering where I am"
Nicholas's face dropped then and a flash of confusion
"You talk about it as if your proud of being a… a"
"Whore go on say it its easy"
"You talk about it as if it's normal as if it's something you are brought up in!" What was wrong with him? He could feel himself getting in a rage this was so unlike him! And what for? This girl who he had only met twice but then hadn't he cared for her for two weeks non stop?
She laughed a bitter laugh "Well of course I do stupid for haven't I been doing it since I was 10? 7 years that is almost half me life as a whore." She laughed bitterly which was really a laugh of desperation.
"Don't use that word it isn't a word for ladies to use" He wanted to help her why couldn't she see that? Give her a chance to better herself. He didn't know why or what made him want to do this but it needed to be done!
"Ladies ha! Where is she then?" At this Nance staggered off the bed and proceeded to look under it" Lady? Here lady lady!"
"Nancy…I , I had just meant that.. whore isn't a good word and you shouldn't use it"
"For God's sake!!!" She screamed the words straight at him the empty eyes now blazing like fire "Why do people get a complete thrill by telling me what to do?I shall say what I like! Whore Whore Whore Whore Whore Whore!" Each time she said the word she became loader and took another step towards nicholas and he took another step back.
"Nancy...you are not well" What on earth had happened to this poor girl? "Sit down and we can talk about this"
"See! There you go again telling me what to do! I am perfectly fine!" And with that she broke down sobbing in a heap on the floor leaving Nicholas dazed and confused.
He kneeled down and went to put his arms round her but she pulled away and sat up wrapping her arms around her knees trying to protect herself from the world
"Let me help you, please, that is, if you want me to help you."
"But I don't want you I want him." The fire left her eyes and was replaced by the haunted emptiness again.
Just then came a knock on the door.
Nicholas got up, opened the door and was met by Courfeyrac who had a huge grin on his face and simply said "You don't half pick them well!"
Nicholas slammed the door shut to the echo of Courfeyrac's laughter.
The pains were getting closer together and more violent. Those pains that were all to familiar but broke her heart once more each time she felt them. Each one gripped her stomach like a force of strength – each one brought the life inside her closer to its end.
Nancy rested her clammy forehead against the cool stone wall of the alleyway. Five months she had carried. The longest she had ever had a child inside her and she bloomed too as the knowledge that she would finally have someone who would give her unconditional love was no longer a fantasy but a reality that drew nearer with each day.
The hot salty tears ran down her cheeks unchecked as the reality slowly and painfully turned back to a fantasy. She didn't care anymore. As another spasm of pain gripped her she slid to the pavement and into the gutter. "The gutter" she thought, "Where nothings like me belong"
The past 5 months hadn't been too bad. She had found work in an inn that had paid its way. The hardest part was leaving him. She couldn't stay there with Bill, she hadn't even told him why or where she was going. She had said bye in the morning and didn't come back. Bill. Why did she love him? Why after all that had happened after all that he had done would she run back at a drop of a hat? It wasn't love, really. How can someone say they are in love when they have never been loved to begin with?
Another pain came and she thought her body would tear in two. This is it she thought here in the gutter how fitting to die where you were born.
The hands came down as if the heavens had opened up. She heard someone scream his name. It was her she was calling out for him. Where was he? All she ever wanted was to be in his arms but as per usual he was not there. It was then Nancy realized it was her who was screaming, her that was calling out for him.
But this wasn't him. The man who's arms went around her and called for help this wasn't what she wanted. She was going to die she could sense it. A feeling of immense peace and happiness surrounded her-the only time she had felt like this was when Bill had took her home that fatal night when she decided enough was enough and it had to end. She was all ready she had had the dirty piece of glass in her hand and was examining her snow white wrist when he had found her and put his arms around her. Then she had felt happy because someone cared.
The next thing she knew she was in a bed with clean…she checked again yes clean bedding! The feeling that something was missing suddenly engulfed her and her hand went instantly to her stomach. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream, shout and sob hysterically and beat the walls and let the world know that life wasn't fair! But nothing for she had no tears left. She felt empty and dead inside. She gazed up at the ceiling of the room she was in. Why was she being punished? Why could she just not die and be done with it? What pleasure was some higher being getting seeing her life being ripped to shreds?
Just then her thoughts on life and death were interrupted by the door to the room being carefully opened and in stepped a young man. She knew him. He had been in the pub that night…. That night when…
"Morning mademoiselle" He greeted her with a gentle smile but eyes full of concern.
She smiled back but it did not reach her eyes.
"I'm Nicholas Feuilly I believe we have already met once in an inn when you gave one of my friends a run for his money" He chuckled at the memory.
"Yeah I remember" No laugh, no smirk not even a smile.
Feuilly regarded this young girl in his bed. She was pretty but could be beautiful but life had dealt her some blows judging from the state he had found her in. And her eyes. They were the worse he forced himself to look into them when he spoke to her but inwardly shuddered at the empty look in them. They reminded him of the eyes of a dead dog he had seen in the street. They were dead eyes that's what was so errie about her she was like a corpse.
Nancy studied the young man hovering in the doorway. Was tall, not as tall as Bill but he wasn't what she would call short. He had dark brown hair and soft gentle brown eyes. She knew he was summing up her appearance just as she was his and she decided it was time she was off a day off the streets was a day out of the pub as far as she was concerned.
"Well thanks for the bed but I gotta be off you know I can't afford to send two days off the street"
"Two days? You have been here for two weeks we didn't think you'd make it but against the odds you pulled through thank god Joly would have lost it if he's first real patient had died!" A look of horror crossed his face " Oh god Im sorry! I didn't mean for it to sound like that I mean I was supposed to say that-"
"It's ok" Nancy smiled at the young mans rambling but once again Feuilly noticed the eyes stayed blank "I know what you meant all the same I'll be on me way" She went to move and felt a wave of sickness come over her and collapsed back against the pillow. He was there in a second sat next to her on the bed.
"You aren't well, there's no need to rush off you can stay here as long as you like- there is only me here and well it will be nice to have a woman's touch around the place."
In an instant Nancy's mind went back 3 years it all replayed in her mind as if it was yesterday.
"Nance" as he said her name he took her small hands in his rough ones "why don't you stay here? I know I ain't always here and it's no the Ritz or anything but I couldn't bare to see to you on the streets again." He hesitated saying stuff like this weren't easy for him, he weren't the kind of bloke who wore his heart on his sleeve and she saw it. She took her hands out of his and wrapped them around his neck "Bill…I..I dunno what to say"
"Yes might be a good start" He said with a laugh
"Yes if you'll have me"
The laughter went from his eyes
"Nance you gotta keep quiet though you hear? What I do it could send me to the gallows and a few more beside if I thought I couldn't trust ya I would slit your throat lord knows I've done worse."
"But you do trust me don't you? You wouldn't ask me to live in would you if you didn't?"
Bill looked down into her eyes and saw they were sparkling what had he done to deserve a treasure like her?
"Nah your right I wouldn't" and with that he kissed her and Nance knew this was the start of her life.
The image of her happier days faded and the need to be with Bill increased but the fear of history repeating itself was greater
" Thanks but I shall be off me regulars will be wondering where I am"
Nicholas's face dropped then and a flash of confusion
"You talk about it as if your proud of being a… a"
"Whore go on say it its easy"
"You talk about it as if it's normal as if it's something you are brought up in!" What was wrong with him? He could feel himself getting in a rage this was so unlike him! And what for? This girl who he had only met twice but then hadn't he cared for her for two weeks non stop?
She laughed a bitter laugh "Well of course I do stupid for haven't I been doing it since I was 10? 7 years that is almost half me life as a whore." She laughed bitterly which was really a laugh of desperation.
"Don't use that word it isn't a word for ladies to use" He wanted to help her why couldn't she see that? Give her a chance to better herself. He didn't know why or what made him want to do this but it needed to be done!
"Ladies ha! Where is she then?" At this Nance staggered off the bed and proceeded to look under it" Lady? Here lady lady!"
"Nancy…I , I had just meant that.. whore isn't a good word and you shouldn't use it"
"For God's sake!!!" She screamed the words straight at him the empty eyes now blazing like fire "Why do people get a complete thrill by telling me what to do?I shall say what I like! Whore Whore Whore Whore Whore Whore!" Each time she said the word she became loader and took another step towards nicholas and he took another step back.
"Nancy...you are not well" What on earth had happened to this poor girl? "Sit down and we can talk about this"
"See! There you go again telling me what to do! I am perfectly fine!" And with that she broke down sobbing in a heap on the floor leaving Nicholas dazed and confused.
He kneeled down and went to put his arms round her but she pulled away and sat up wrapping her arms around her knees trying to protect herself from the world
"Let me help you, please, that is, if you want me to help you."
"But I don't want you I want him." The fire left her eyes and was replaced by the haunted emptiness again.
Just then came a knock on the door.
Nicholas got up, opened the door and was met by Courfeyrac who had a huge grin on his face and simply said "You don't half pick them well!"
Nicholas slammed the door shut to the echo of Courfeyrac's laughter.