Chapter 16
Nicholas carried on as he always had. The besotted doting husband. But the spark and joy of being with her had gone and she didn't even notice. His friends did though. Their companion was no longer bounding around like a young man in love but had the look of a man who had suffered a great loss.
Enjolras banged his fist on the table to get their attention. All eyes were on him.
"My comrades the day we thought would never come is here! Finally we can fight for our freedom!" A Cheer went up from them all bar one.
"Don't you mean die for our freedoom?"
"Grantaire our lives don't count now it is for the republic and the freedom of France that we fight for now and if we die, we die knowing that we made a difference!" Another cheer went up and then men departed in high spirits Nicholas included.
Nicholas temporailly forgot his miserey and went home feeling exciting finally some action! He opened the door and the joy of seeing her entered his heart. She may have lied but he could not stop his emotions. He ran towards her and twirled her in his arms leaving her a bit taken aback.
"Finally there is to be a Revolution! We are to fight!" she saw his eyes were dancing and she couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"You mean you are to die!" Despite everything Nicholas was a true friend for Nancy.
"If we die it will be a for a good cause"
"What cause would that be then?? The we are bored so lets have a war cause?! Why are men obsessed with war games?"
"This isn't a game!" He was shouting now "We fight for freedom, to let people in poverty lead better lives"
"Oh yes they will all lead great lives with no fathers, brothers and husbands!" Her voice had risen to match his own shouting.
He couldn't believe this! The one thing he cared about and she was calling it a game! All the hate he felt for her that had been building up since her confession poured out.
"Yes they will do very well when we over throw the king and everything will be equal between us!"
"Overthrow the…. Listen to yourself! You will have what a couple of guns? They will have cannons , they will blast you out of the sky!"
"And so what if I am blasted out of the sky?" Go on say it he thought say you love me
"Do you think I have no heart? I couldn't cope if you died you know I care for you."
"Bu you don't love me do you?" His question was uttered quietly and all thoughts of revolution went out the window.
"Of course I do."
"No more lies. No more do you hear me? I know Nancy!"
"Know what?" Even as she said it she knew exactly what he meant.
"I know that you don't love me. I heard you say it to… to him. Why? Why lie about something like that?"
"I … I didn't want to hurt you."
"Hurt me? And how do you think I feel now? I'll tell you what I feel."
He walked towards her and she held his gaze. He bought his face close to hers and wispered "I feel betrayed. I gave you everything and yet you did not love me. All this time I thought your feelings were the same as mine. Am I so unloveable? Or can you not let the love you have for Bill go? I heard you say you didn't love him either but that was a lie too wasn't it? I can see it in your eyes. I … I don't want you to be unhappy with me if you love him go to him. You are right the revolution most certainly means death. But if you don't love me and
I can't make you happy like a husband should then to me my life is worthless."
"Nicholas…I…" The tears flowed down Nancy's checks. What had she done? She longed to wrap her arms around him. To comfort him to tell him she loved him but she couldn't
"I… I can't help the way my heart feels. It's not your fault and you are in no way a bad husband it's just that I think now I am incapable of love. Any woman would be glad to have you, would love you back as much as you love them."
His eyes were misting over
"Any woman but you, and you are the only one I want."
She wiped the tear away from her eyes, annoyed that she should feel so deeply for him but not as deeply as he wanted her to.
"Nicholas I am no good, I seem to ruin everything I touch, me, Bill…you something always go wrong in everything I do. I don't know why I think maybe I am paying for my sins her on earth rather then later in life. You would be happier and better off with out me."
She slipped off the gold band from her finger and put it into his hand.
"Nancy… please…don't leave me…don't do this"
"Don't ask me to stay you know I can't, not now. Good bye Nicholas"
She kissed him one last time , then walked out of his room and out of his life
Nicholas carried on as he always had. The besotted doting husband. But the spark and joy of being with her had gone and she didn't even notice. His friends did though. Their companion was no longer bounding around like a young man in love but had the look of a man who had suffered a great loss.
Enjolras banged his fist on the table to get their attention. All eyes were on him.
"My comrades the day we thought would never come is here! Finally we can fight for our freedom!" A Cheer went up from them all bar one.
"Don't you mean die for our freedoom?"
"Grantaire our lives don't count now it is for the republic and the freedom of France that we fight for now and if we die, we die knowing that we made a difference!" Another cheer went up and then men departed in high spirits Nicholas included.
Nicholas temporailly forgot his miserey and went home feeling exciting finally some action! He opened the door and the joy of seeing her entered his heart. She may have lied but he could not stop his emotions. He ran towards her and twirled her in his arms leaving her a bit taken aback.
"Finally there is to be a Revolution! We are to fight!" she saw his eyes were dancing and she couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"You mean you are to die!" Despite everything Nicholas was a true friend for Nancy.
"If we die it will be a for a good cause"
"What cause would that be then?? The we are bored so lets have a war cause?! Why are men obsessed with war games?"
"This isn't a game!" He was shouting now "We fight for freedom, to let people in poverty lead better lives"
"Oh yes they will all lead great lives with no fathers, brothers and husbands!" Her voice had risen to match his own shouting.
He couldn't believe this! The one thing he cared about and she was calling it a game! All the hate he felt for her that had been building up since her confession poured out.
"Yes they will do very well when we over throw the king and everything will be equal between us!"
"Overthrow the…. Listen to yourself! You will have what a couple of guns? They will have cannons , they will blast you out of the sky!"
"And so what if I am blasted out of the sky?" Go on say it he thought say you love me
"Do you think I have no heart? I couldn't cope if you died you know I care for you."
"Bu you don't love me do you?" His question was uttered quietly and all thoughts of revolution went out the window.
"Of course I do."
"No more lies. No more do you hear me? I know Nancy!"
"Know what?" Even as she said it she knew exactly what he meant.
"I know that you don't love me. I heard you say it to… to him. Why? Why lie about something like that?"
"I … I didn't want to hurt you."
"Hurt me? And how do you think I feel now? I'll tell you what I feel."
He walked towards her and she held his gaze. He bought his face close to hers and wispered "I feel betrayed. I gave you everything and yet you did not love me. All this time I thought your feelings were the same as mine. Am I so unloveable? Or can you not let the love you have for Bill go? I heard you say you didn't love him either but that was a lie too wasn't it? I can see it in your eyes. I … I don't want you to be unhappy with me if you love him go to him. You are right the revolution most certainly means death. But if you don't love me and
I can't make you happy like a husband should then to me my life is worthless."
"Nicholas…I…" The tears flowed down Nancy's checks. What had she done? She longed to wrap her arms around him. To comfort him to tell him she loved him but she couldn't
"I… I can't help the way my heart feels. It's not your fault and you are in no way a bad husband it's just that I think now I am incapable of love. Any woman would be glad to have you, would love you back as much as you love them."
His eyes were misting over
"Any woman but you, and you are the only one I want."
She wiped the tear away from her eyes, annoyed that she should feel so deeply for him but not as deeply as he wanted her to.
"Nicholas I am no good, I seem to ruin everything I touch, me, Bill…you something always go wrong in everything I do. I don't know why I think maybe I am paying for my sins her on earth rather then later in life. You would be happier and better off with out me."
She slipped off the gold band from her finger and put it into his hand.
"Nancy… please…don't leave me…don't do this"
"Don't ask me to stay you know I can't, not now. Good bye Nicholas"
She kissed him one last time , then walked out of his room and out of his life