Boromir's Diary
Hi all this is Boromir's diary or wat it might have looked like if LOTR was screwy (or screwier, depending on who u ask) Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR or anything related 2 it I only own me so there. Who ever got sued over fanfic neways? A'ight on we go w/ the story, sorry
First day:
Council of Elrond, boooring. I'm sooo fed up with Aragorn; he thinks he's so noble. Ugh. Neways I somehow managed to get talked into a very silly quest to go chuck the Ring (which I personally think would be very useful but nooooooo, it's all "Boromir's evil, he'll destroy the world, blah blah blah") into a volcano. Fun fun fun.
2nd day:
Off we go to Mordor! This is a mad idea but, hey, what do expect from a batty old wizard, a snooty not-quite-king, a gaggle of midgets, a hairy dwarf, and a "regal" elf. Honestly.
Some day:
I don't know how long it's been so I've stopped counting days but I think it's been 3-6 ish. O well. Honestly, Aragorn is SUCH a bother. He's all "don't go near Frodo you may be influenced by the ring to try and take it blah blah blah". I neeeeeeeed a shower. Ugh.
Next day:
For some reason Gandalf is all freaky about going into the Mines of Moira so we have to go over the mountains. Very cold. Frodo dropped the ring (clumsy fool) & I picked it up to GIVE TO HIM and everyone was like "evil evil evil" and Aragorn was all like "give him the ring, Boromir blah blah blah" Like I was REALLY going to take it. Then Legolas said something about evil air or something & there was an avalanche which was apparently caused by Sauron. Nasty Sauron. So I got even colder & wet, too.
Next next day:
Yay! No more Caradhras! Into the Mines of Moira instead, though. I do not want to go into the Mines but will the other 8 listen? Noooooo. Actually it was only the Dwarf who really wanted to go but oh well we had to. Gimli has a cousin there or sumat.
Ya you get the point:
Wonderful day, NOT. Into the Mines: one of those stupid hobbits had to chuck stones into a pond outside the doors & wake up a squid thing which nearly took my HEAD off. Nasty squid. Shame it didn't get Aragorn. THEN to make my day even better, we got lost. And we were being followed by a Gollumy thing. Eww. Then we got un-lost when Gandalf's memory returned. Sometimes I wonder what the hell he's smoking in that pipe of his…
Later, or next day, I'm not quite sure:
Attacked by Orcs, which had killed Gimli's cousin Balin, like, 15 years ago (Gimli's a bit slow/thick sometimes, err all the time). Fortunately no one died except for about a million Orcs, a cave troll and nearly Frodo but he was wearing a funny vest or something.
Orcs are very ugly, they've got slimy green yucky skin & freaky eyes & they smell. Nasty Orcs.
Next day/later:
Got chased by a really big beastie thing on fire called a Baroque or something, very scary. Then Gandalf fell off a bridge with the Baroque. I shall miss the batty wizard (. Then of course everybody was sad but Aragorn went all slave-driver & made us all keep going. Nasty Aragorn.
Next day/later:
Ended up in Freaky Elf Land a.k.a. Lothlorien. Very creepy. But Elf-lady was hot so oh well. But still creepy. Very bright.
N.D.:
Left Lothlorien on funny swan boats. SWAN BOATS for crying out loud! Now we're going down a big river to…err…somewhere. Very boring…I wonder if I can get Pippin to play Boat Bingo with me.
Later:
Poo, Pippin's winning, he's already got three trees, 2 rocks & a frog but I only Have 2 frogs & a rock. Argh.
Next day:
Camping by a big waterfall on the shore. I tried to, um, BORROW the Ring from Frodo but he was all "evil evil" so he punched me & then went invisible. What a brat. Then we were attacked by Orcs, but not normal Orcs, big Orcs.
Later:
Poo, killed by Orcs. Nasty Orcs. Oh well.
I hope you enjoyed I'm very sorry if I unintentionally offended nebody. Pleeeze r&r, Thanx.
Hi all this is Boromir's diary or wat it might have looked like if LOTR was screwy (or screwier, depending on who u ask) Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR or anything related 2 it I only own me so there. Who ever got sued over fanfic neways? A'ight on we go w/ the story, sorry
First day:
Council of Elrond, boooring. I'm sooo fed up with Aragorn; he thinks he's so noble. Ugh. Neways I somehow managed to get talked into a very silly quest to go chuck the Ring (which I personally think would be very useful but nooooooo, it's all "Boromir's evil, he'll destroy the world, blah blah blah") into a volcano. Fun fun fun.
2nd day:
Off we go to Mordor! This is a mad idea but, hey, what do expect from a batty old wizard, a snooty not-quite-king, a gaggle of midgets, a hairy dwarf, and a "regal" elf. Honestly.
Some day:
I don't know how long it's been so I've stopped counting days but I think it's been 3-6 ish. O well. Honestly, Aragorn is SUCH a bother. He's all "don't go near Frodo you may be influenced by the ring to try and take it blah blah blah". I neeeeeeeed a shower. Ugh.
Next day:
For some reason Gandalf is all freaky about going into the Mines of Moira so we have to go over the mountains. Very cold. Frodo dropped the ring (clumsy fool) & I picked it up to GIVE TO HIM and everyone was like "evil evil evil" and Aragorn was all like "give him the ring, Boromir blah blah blah" Like I was REALLY going to take it. Then Legolas said something about evil air or something & there was an avalanche which was apparently caused by Sauron. Nasty Sauron. So I got even colder & wet, too.
Next next day:
Yay! No more Caradhras! Into the Mines of Moira instead, though. I do not want to go into the Mines but will the other 8 listen? Noooooo. Actually it was only the Dwarf who really wanted to go but oh well we had to. Gimli has a cousin there or sumat.
Ya you get the point:
Wonderful day, NOT. Into the Mines: one of those stupid hobbits had to chuck stones into a pond outside the doors & wake up a squid thing which nearly took my HEAD off. Nasty squid. Shame it didn't get Aragorn. THEN to make my day even better, we got lost. And we were being followed by a Gollumy thing. Eww. Then we got un-lost when Gandalf's memory returned. Sometimes I wonder what the hell he's smoking in that pipe of his…
Later, or next day, I'm not quite sure:
Attacked by Orcs, which had killed Gimli's cousin Balin, like, 15 years ago (Gimli's a bit slow/thick sometimes, err all the time). Fortunately no one died except for about a million Orcs, a cave troll and nearly Frodo but he was wearing a funny vest or something.
Orcs are very ugly, they've got slimy green yucky skin & freaky eyes & they smell. Nasty Orcs.
Next day/later:
Got chased by a really big beastie thing on fire called a Baroque or something, very scary. Then Gandalf fell off a bridge with the Baroque. I shall miss the batty wizard (. Then of course everybody was sad but Aragorn went all slave-driver & made us all keep going. Nasty Aragorn.
Next day/later:
Ended up in Freaky Elf Land a.k.a. Lothlorien. Very creepy. But Elf-lady was hot so oh well. But still creepy. Very bright.
N.D.:
Left Lothlorien on funny swan boats. SWAN BOATS for crying out loud! Now we're going down a big river to…err…somewhere. Very boring…I wonder if I can get Pippin to play Boat Bingo with me.
Later:
Poo, Pippin's winning, he's already got three trees, 2 rocks & a frog but I only Have 2 frogs & a rock. Argh.
Next day:
Camping by a big waterfall on the shore. I tried to, um, BORROW the Ring from Frodo but he was all "evil evil" so he punched me & then went invisible. What a brat. Then we were attacked by Orcs, but not normal Orcs, big Orcs.
Later:
Poo, killed by Orcs. Nasty Orcs. Oh well.
I hope you enjoyed I'm very sorry if I unintentionally offended nebody. Pleeeze r&r, Thanx.