Muahahahahahah….I've figured out how I'm going to do this --- more than one story!
That way I can keep the rating for this, and get some K & H action, then return and still have a wholesome pg-13...
For me, I think that's an accomplishment. (Figuring something out on my own) On with the show.
Head - blood = faint. I think I have this figured out now, after all, I just gave a very good demonstration of said mathematical facts now, didn't I.
Whatever I'm lying on now feels nice though, as do the hands running through my hair. The faint skritch of a brush and a scalp massage at the same time…if you've got short hair you'd never understand, or if you've never let anyone just play with the stuff on your head you can't possible realize what it is you're missing. This makes every pain, every hassle with trying to comb it in time for practise or keep it clean worth it.
The thought alone is usually enough to turn me into a pile of mush. Shuichi likes to have his hair stroked or being scratched gently behind the ears, like a puppy almost. I like to have my hair brushed and be petted, like a cat. We're not as different as cats and dogs despite our physical melting points. Our boiling points differ greatly. Shuichi is like water on a mountain, it takes very little heat to get a rise from him. Me, I boil below sea level, you need to really crank the temperature to get bubbles to show. But, if you purify that water, the heat doesn't need to rise as much. My hair is how you can do that.
And no one touches my hair without my express permission. Even Shuichi took a long time to get close enough to me to fist it and toss it about as he is fond of doing, and he's not here, so whoever is smelling it has some explaining to do.
I open my eyes just as a gentle hand returns to the back of my head and rubs, and have to close them again and just enjoy the sensation. I think I'm purring, but I'm not aware enough to make that decision. I told you that I melted, and I'm not lying. All thoughts about even caring who it is vanish under the soft roving fingers. Yep, definitely purring.
"Hiroshi-kun wa koneko, ne?" (Hiro's a kitten, right?)
"Mmm." Just keep doing that, and I know I'll agree to anything.
"Supper's ready when you are, cat-boy." The hand disappears and I open my eyes to watch K's back do the same as he makes his way to the kitchen. I am so lucid right now…it's nice. Our manager has just been added to the list of people that can do that anytime he wants. Whatever he made smells good to, and I finally understand how Shuichi can do that floating thing as I do the same. I think my luck is definitely changing from what it's been the past few months.
K's waiting for me with my needle in hand, and even that doesn't spoil the lazy euphoria that I'm in. I've forgotten about everything that happened up to this point today, and find myself actually having a civilized, serious conversation with the blond. It's amazing, really, how much he knows, how much he remembers. Sometimes I forget he has a decade on me in years and a lifetime on me in experience. This is the first time that he's really been relaxed around me, and is slipping out of his K persona and into just being Crawd.
Crawd. God, what a horrible name. His parents must have either been very sadistic, deaf, or going with some sort of bizarre fad. Poor guy. It makes me wonder, after all he's done and been through…
"K-san, are you, happy? Like this?" He looks at me for a second and I can see everything that he hides behind either his sunglasses or his crazy American façade. He lets his fork and knife rest on the plate.
"What makes you ask such a thing as that?"
"I wanted to know…it, it's important to me." And it was. I was living with the guy, had known him for some of the most amazing years of my life, and trusted him. I wanted him to be happy.
"I, I would have to say yes… I am happy."
"Really?"
"Really Hiroshi-kun. What brought this on?"
"I… it's just a thought. Did you think you'd end up like this, when you came here?"
"No. Not at all." He's laughing again, that's good.
"What did you think?"
"About what?"
"About moving to Japan. Becoming our manager. About before that, with Sakuma-san, in America. I…I'd like to know." I have to say I forgot all about how they say curiosity killed the cat. He laughs, but it's more of a bark.
"I suppose you want to know how we met, ne?"
"That's part of it."
"It's none of your business."
"But…"
"Sorry Hiro, some things stay secrets. I can say however, that once I was here again, and yes, I did spend part of my youth in Japan, that I never expected to keep my job as Ryuichi's manager, and was shocked as all hell when I got offered this job to manage Bad Luck."
"K?" Now I'm really curious.
"Here was this group of, kids, really, trying to make their way into the music industry. No experience, no connections, nothing. But they were good. Very good. I paid attention, my interest was seen by one of the sneakiest bastards I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and I got to be their boss. The rest is history."
"Do you ever regret it?"
"Sometimes. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have days where I want to take the whole lot of you and dump you off the side of Fuji-yama* to see how many times you'd bounce. But there are other times where it's all worth it. A performance rush, if you will."
"That, I can understand. But you don't even set foot on stage." This was intriguing. I can be nosey at times, I know that, and after years of listening to Shuichi I believe my patience and ability to listen to people is near god-like. I think K needs to talk as much as I want to hear, so this is good, even though our food has been completely forgotten.
"I don't need to. Performances aren't that different from practises for me, they just mean more security work and set up for me to plan. It's when I can nail down a publicity stunt or a stage or set up a release that hits the charts instantly and know that it's a done deal that I get my sense of satisfaction from."
"And that's what makes you happy?"
"Yeah."
"Doesn't it get lonely?"
"Does that matter?"
"Don't you miss your family?"
"At times. Michael's a joy to be around and I love the kid to death, but he's growing up and I'm not there, so I miss out on a lot of things that would make us close. Judy…Judy's too much like me. I love her and all, but, too much time around each other and we both start to freak out. We're both far too explosive to spend quality time, and we both have jobs that don't allow us a lot of interaction. It's nice for the few hours we can manage, but our marriage is more for the paperwork and Michael than anything else, really." K's got this far away look in his eyes that tells me I'm going to need to spur him a bit to keep him going.
"Do you wish you could see them?"
"Yeah. It'd be nice to have a talk with my son, like we are now. Let him realize his Daddy's a real person with a real life and not just some guy who speaks another language and hangs out with people that have bizarre hair. Sometimes…sometimes I even forget what he looks like, or what colour Judy's eyes are. What memories I do have are fading with each year, and those aren't really crucial ones. Michael's going to start school, and I won't be there to see him off or help pack his lunch, but I do remember what it's like to feel him wriggling in my arms. I have mementoes to help, like the pictures he and Ryuichi drew on the airplane to Boston…but I can't tell which is his and which is Ryuichi's. So I keep them both, and hope that I will remember some day."
"K…" He sounds so sad, I need to say something. He looks at me with eyes more serious that I've ever seen him be and smiles. It's nothing more than a lift at the corners of his mouth.
"Sometimes, Hiro, you don't know what you have until it's too far away to touch, sometimes gone forever. Five, ten years from now, you'll be able to remember living here, remember how to get to your room from the front door, but you won't know the colour of the walls or what the carpet felt like under bare feet. It's times like those that you need some thing to trigger the memories and keep them from fading." He stands up and begins to clear the dishes. Neither of us speak until their done and put away and we go our separate ways. Me to practise, he to do whatever it is he does when his door's closed…probably polish his guns, but then again, maybe not.
"Make memories, but try and keep the ones you already have. They're worth more than you'd think. Remember that Hiro." The blond disappears into his room.
I've had good advice and bad advice, I've heard just about everything that can come out of people's mouths, but that night, he really made me think.
It doesn't matter what happens in life, it's how you look and act and react to it that counts. K's taught me that with one little eight minute talk, feeding me physically and giving me something to mentally chew on. I think I understand both him and Sakuma-san a bit better now, and I also realize that I don't understand them at all. It's fascinating and frustrating, but good advice.
Which is why I went out to the store instead of heading to my guitar, and started writing in you, stupid Sanrio diary.
I want to make memories that will last forever.
Now, whenever I think of the times I spent in K's apartment, I'll just have to picture Hello Kitty and I remember that the walls were beige, and the carpet was matted and slightly abrasive against my toes. It might not seem like something important to anyone else, but this is my life, right now.
And that's what matters.
I close the diary, stretch like the cat K has so recently compared me too, and sigh. It's been an interesting few months, fascinating couple days in this apartment. My week's almost up.
And I don't think I want to leave.
That realization spurs me on, and I leave my room to pad across the slightly scratchy carpet towards his.
K and I need to talk.
No, that's not right. I need to talk to Crawd.
Steeling myself, I knock on his door.
To be continued in Changing Luck…
Enough of a teaser for you? …please don't kill me… I'm really trying hard here…but it seems that I need to delete two lines for every one that I write.
I now know how Eiri feels sometimes.
Argle.
Pick up with the roommates in Changing Luck… sorry to all those under age readers out there, but it will be NC-17, so this is as far as you get.
* Fuji-yama - mount Fuji. After spending time in Japan, referring to it as mount Fuji seems awkward and I actually find myself saying Fuji-yama instead and then the people I'm talking to look at me funny and I gotta
give an explanation like this…