If Not Wisely
Chapter 3: The Magic Box
Spoilers: Begins immediately post-Wrecked, becomes AU after that.
Rating: R for swearing and some sexual situations.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Feedback: Would be highly appreciated. This is my first attempt at fanfic, and I'd like to know how I'm doing. Constructive criticism is welcome.
Distribution: So far, just here. If anyone wants it, just let me know.
Summary: Buffy continues to struggle with her feelings for Spike, and the whole gang tries to help Willow with her abuse of magic.
"Ow!" Dawn winced and clutched her head in pain.
"What?" Buffy looked up from her Mocha, alarmed. She had been lost in thought, remembering the feel of cool white hands on her hot body and the taste of his lips. Those soft, tender lips.
"Ow, ice cream headache," whined her little sister.
"That's what you get for slurping your shake like a little pig!" Buffy felt the blood rush to her face, embarrassed by what she had been thinking. She hoped that it wasn't written all over her face.
"Hey," pouted Dawn, "how's about a little sympathy for wounded girl over here?"
Relieved that her sister had not seemed to notice, Buffy began to tease her. "Oh, I'm sorry Dawnie. Does the little crippled girl need help drinking the big, bad shake? Do you want me to make little airplane noises and feed it to you one spoonful at a time?" She grabbed the spoon that Dawn had decided not to use and scooped up a spoonful of the thick, chocolate concoction. "Here ya go, Dawnie. Open the hanger, here comes the plane." She began to swirl the spoon in front of her sister's mouth, making little buzzing noises all the while.
"I'm not a baby," laughed Dawn, swatting the spoon out of the way and sending a big blob of shake flying. "Stop it," she giggled. "Buffy!"
Buffy finally relented and put the spoon down. "Sorry, couldn't resist." She looked at her watch, almost 4:00. "Hey, what do you say we take these to go and run on over to the Magic Box? I want to talk to Anya about Willow. She and Xander seemed pretty worried about her a few nights ago, and I kind of blew them off. What do you think?"
"Fine with me," replied Dawn. "I need some signatures for my cast anyways." Her face brightened, and she said, "Hey, maybe Spike will be there! I really want to thank him again for helping me out last night. Do you think he might be there?"
Once again, the mention of the blond vampire's name caused Buffy to stiffen slightly. Shit, she hadn't even considered that. Of course Spike would want to check on Dawn. It was amazing, really, how sweet and gentle he had been with her sister. He had been so worried about Dawn, and he'd hovered protectively over her the whole time they were waiting in the Emergency Room. Buffy had been surprised by his tenderness, and she remembered thinking that he could be that tender with her, if she would only let him. No, that wasn't a possibility. She would not let this evil, undead thing get that close to her. Their night together had been a mistake. Sure, it had felt good--God, it had felt wonderful--but it was wrong. She could not allow it to continue. Slayers should not be fucking vampires. It went against her very nature. Okay, so she had done it with Angel, but look what had come of that. Besides, Angel had a soul, and Spike didn't. Although, Buffy frowned as she thought it over,
sometimes it seemed like Spike had more of a soul than Angel ever did. How could that be possible? Spike claimed that he loved her, and, she had to admit, she was kind of starting to believe it herself. Yet, when Angel had lost his soul, he had been incapable of such feelings. How could the two vampires be so--
"Hello! Earth to Buffy!" Dawn's voice brought her out of her revere. "Are you even listening to me?"
"Wha'? I'm sorry, did you say something?" Buffy was still a little dazed from her deep thoughts.
"I said, can we stop by his crypt if he's not at the shop?"
"Um, his crypt? I dunno, Dawn. It's going to be getting dark soon. I really don't want you running around the cemetery at night." Buffy was trying to sound all big-sisterly and authoritative, but inside she was freaking. She really didn't think she could handle seeing Spike right now. What if she lost control and just jumped him? That would not be good, especially in front of her little sister.
"Come on Buffy," whined Dawn. "You'd be right there with me. It's not like you can't protect me. Besides, I really want to thank Spike. You guys never give him the recognition that he deserves. He helps us out a lot you know."
"I know," Buffy said softly. She knew that Spike did help a lot, and he wasn't even getting paid for it now. Dawn had told her how he had helped the rest of the gang patrol every single night while she had been...gone, and how he had taken care of Dawn more times than they could count. Buffy also knew that she didn't thank Spike as often or as profusely as she should. Maybe they should stop by and see him. "Well, let's just play it by ear, okay?"
"Fine!" Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. "But if you won't take me tonight, then I'm going over tomorrow. He's my friend, and I wanna thank him."
"Dawn," Buffy's voice took on a warning tone, "I said we'll see."
Realizing that she probably wasn't going to win this one, Dawn gave up. She picked up what was left of her shake and turned in the direction of the Magic Box. "Let's just go."
Ten minutes later, they arrived at the shop, and the first thing that Buffy saw when she walked through the door was a tattered old blanket flung over a chair. Great, he was there. What should she do? How should she act? Buffy tried not to let her confusion show on her face as she walked calmly into the store.
Dawn saw Spike right away and was delighted. Her eyes lit up, and she ran straight to him. "Spike! I'm so glad you're here," she cried, launching herself into his arms.
A huge smile spread across the vampire's face as he wrapped his arms tightly around the girl, careful not to jostle her broken arm. "Hey Nibblet. How's the patient today?"
"Oh, I'm fine. It hardly hurts at all anymore," came the reply.
"That's my girl. You're a tough one, aren't ya?" Spike carefully took Dawn's arms from around his neck and examined the cast on her arm.
"Tough as nails," laughed Dawn. "Grr."
Spike laughed and playfully ruffled her hair. "That's what I like to hear!" His face suddenly grew serious and he cupped Dawn's chin in one of his hands. Gently raising her face so that their eyes met, Spike asked, "You sure you're okay, pet? You know that you can tell me if you're not. I was very worried about you last night. Still am, as a matter of fact. I don't want anything bad to ever to happen to you."
Dawn gave a small sigh and lunged to wrap her arms around the vampire once again. She stood on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. "Thank you for taking care of me Spike. Your friendship means more to me than you'll ever know. I am so glad that you're here and that you care about me so much. I was really scared last night, and I won't deny it. But I'm okay, and I feel much better now. I'm still really angry about what happened though, and I don't think I'll be going anywhere near Willow for a long time. I can't trust her anymore, and she frightens me. I don't know what we're going to do." Dawn broke off her whispered confession and hugged him a little closer.
Hearing Dawn's words had caused Spike's eyes to tear up, and he was afraid that he couldn't hold back the flood much longer. He didn't know how or why it had happened, but he cared about this little girl more than his own unlife. If anything ever happened to her, he'd...well, he didn't know what he would do. Spike cleared his throat to get rid of the lump that had formed there and squeezed her back. "Don't worry, Nibblet. The Big Bad will protect you."
Dawn gave a little laugh and pulled slightly away to look at his face. "Come on, Spike! I'm badder than you! You're just a big softy." Seeing the look of outrage on the handsome vampire's face, she quickly amended her statement. "I take it back. You're the biggest, baddest Big Bad of them all!" Dawn dropped her arms and twirled away as Spike made a playful grab at her.
"And don't you forget it," came his reply.
Dawn went over to show her cast to Anya, and Spike finally noticed Buffy. She was standing just inside the door and looked frozen in place. He saw that her eyes were fixed intently on him, and he figured that she had probably been watching the whole time. Spike looked back at her, unsure of what to do. He wanted to run to the beautiful slayer and sweep her into his arms. He wanted to hold her and kiss her and ask how she was holding up in light of recent events. It took every ounce of his strength to turn away from her, to tear his eyes off her lovely face. He gave her a slight nod and walked over to the counter and join Anya and Dawn.
Buffy had been watching her sister and Spike. Once again, she was amazed at how gentle this formally brutal killer could be. Buffy knew that Spike loved Dawn and that he would protect her with his life, or unlife, as the case may be. What she couldn't figure out was why. At first, she had assumed that Spike was just using Dawn to get on her good side, but she didn't believe that anymore. He had kept his promise to protect the girl until the end of the world, despite the fact that Buffy was no longer around to see it. No, she could no longer pretend that Spike's affection toward Dawn was just part of some master plan to get into the Slayer's pants. As much as she hated to, Buffy had to admit that Spike's affection was true. He cared about Dawn; that was a fact.
Thinking about Spike's feelings for her sister threatened to overwhelm Buffy, and she had to fight the urge to run over and hug him. She wanted to tell him how grateful she was for all he had done. For everything he still continued to do. The only thing that stopped her from doing just that was Spike's reaction to her, or, actually, his lack of reaction. Buffy wasn't sure exactly what she had expected, but that surely wasn't it. For a moment, she felt hurt that he hadn't been glad to see her, and that he had barely acknowledged her presence. Then, she remembered that she felt nothing for this creature and shouldn't really care how he greeted her. What did she expect, that he'd run to her and profess his love, and they'd live happily ever after? She should have realized that Spike had just used her in order to get another notch on his Slayer belt. He was, after all, an evil, undead thing that was incapable of love. He does love you; he's proved it many times. It didn't matter
anyway. She didn't need him. It was wrong. He'd even said so himself.
Dawn noticed that Buffy had gone into some sort of daze again. She'd been doing that all day. It was kind of weird, but she decided to chalk it up to worries about Willow. Determined to bring her sister out of it, Dawn spoke up. "Hey, Buffy, Anya offered to let me fondle the money! Do you want a turn?"
Buffy came back to reality to see her sister and Spike laughing. Anya, on the other hand, was scowling.
"Dawn," moaned Anya, "I said that you could fondle the money. On account of your broken arm and all. Buffy doesn't have a broken arm, and I don't think that she should be allowed to fondle my money. It is my money after all. Well, I suppose some of it belongs to Giles, but he's gone now, so it's mine. All mine. Mostly mine."
Buffy smiled at this very Anya-like tirade and made her way over to the rest of the group. "It's okay Anya, I think I'll live if I don't get to fondle the money."
"Good," snapped Anya, "'cause you don't get to!"
"Buffy, look!" Dawn waved her cast in front of her sister's face. "Spike signed my cast. Isn't it cool?"
Buffy looked at the cast and saw that Spike had drawn a happy face with fangs sticking out. There were a few drops of blood falling from the fang on the left, and underneath he had written "Get Well Little Bit" followed by his signature. Buffy grimaced and said, "Cute, Dawn. Real cute. I'm sure you'll have that thing filled up in no time. Listen, why don't you go look at those new crystals that Anya just got in. I hear they're pretty cool. I need to talk to Anya and Spike for a minute."
"Come on, Buffy," wailed Dawn. "I know what you're going to talk about, and I think that I deserve to be here for it. It does have to do with me, you know. When are you going to stop treating me like a kid?"
"Dawnie," pleaded Buffy, "you're right, it does have to do with you. And you have every right to be included. It's just that it will be easier for me if you're not here right now. I promise, you will be included in on any future discussions. Okay?"
"But-"
"No buts. Please, for once, just do as I say?"
Dawn wasn't ready to give in, and she turned to Spike, looking for support. To her dismay, he just shook his head and said, "Go on, Little Bit. Do as big sis says. We'll tell you all about it later."
Sighing, Dawn turned on her heal and stalked away, mumbling under her breath about how much it sucked to be a kid.
Buffy looked at Spike, surprised that he had taken her side. "Thanks," she said quietly. Spike merely nodded in return. Why won't he talk to me? Okay, something was definitely wrong with this picture. One minute she was complaining that he wouldn't shut up, and the next she was complaining that he wouldn't talk to her at all. No, not complaining, just curious. She didn't really care either way.
Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Buffy turned to Anya. "Do you know what happened last night?"
"Yeah," replied Anya, "Spike told me all about it before you guys got here. I knew something like this was going to happen. Didn't I tell you? You were all, `Oh, it will be fine. She's a big girl; she can handle it. But she's so level-headed.' Didn't I tell you that it's those responsible types that you have to watch out for? Didn't I-"
"Yeah, Anya, you did," Buffy broke her off. She didn't want to think about the fact that she could have possibly averted this tragedy if only she had listened. "You were right, and I should have taken you more seriously at the time. But, as they say, hindsight..." she trailed off.
"What are we going to do? She's dangerous. Look what she did to Dawn. What if she hurts Xander?" Anya's voice began to rise, and she was on the verge of sounding hysterical.
Buffy was about to jump in and try to calm her down when Spike suddenly spoke up. "Don't worry. Now that everyone finally realizes exactly how bad Red has gotten, we can do something to stop it. She won't have a chance to hurt anyone else."
Spike's voice was almost a growl, and it made Buffy very uneasy. If not for the chip in his head, she might have thought that the vampire was planning on draining her friend, or something even worse.
Anya, however, seemed to find comfort in his words. She looked up at Spike with a small glimmer of hope in her eyes. "Really? We can stop her?"
"Yes, we can, and we will." Spike reached out and patted the ex-demon's shoulder somewhat awkwardly. It was funny how, after a century of delighting in the pain he had caused, he could no longer stand to see the sight of these women suffering. Bloody poofter!
Pushing away her surprise at Spike's attempt to comfort Anya, Buffy spoke up. "Listen you guys, it's really not as bad as all that. We had a long talk last night, and Willow knows that she has a problem. She's agreed to stop using magic." Buffy looked at Spike and gave him a small smile. "So, there's no need to make with the `Grr', okay?"
Buffy took one look at Spike and immediately saw that her feeble attempt at lightheartedness had not gone over well. The vampire's blue eyes flashed, and he was clenching his jaw tightly. This small movement only served to further accentuate his already prominent cheekbones. Oh, those cheekbones...Buffy had to fight the desire to reach out and run her finger lovingly down his beautifully sculpted face. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I-
"Dammit, Slayer! When the hell are you going to wise up? Are you too bloody blind to see what is right in front of you?" Spike's voice was shaking with rage.
Shocked by his outburst, Buffy unconsciously took a step backwards. "Spike? What? I...what are you..." she stammered.
"Slayer, remember that time when Red was hell-bent on getting payback against that Glory chippie after she brain sucked Tara? Remember how you calmed her down and talked her out of it that time? Remember how Willow went after Glory anyway? Remember how both of you almost ended up dead?" Some of the rage had gone from Spike's voice, but his blue eyes continued to flash with anger. Buffy kept her eyes averted, unable to meet his penetrating gaze. "Doesn't seem to me like your little speeches and clam rationalizations do much when it comes to Red. Do you really think that one little talk with you is going to be enough this time? Do you really think that she's just going to stop? It's not that easy, and you know it. You're just too bloody stubborn to admit it!"
Realizing that Spike was right, and hating every minute of it, Buffy finally raised her eyes to meet his. "Do you really think it's going to be that hard for her to quit? "
Spike sighed heavily and ran his hands through his hair in exasperation. "Yeah, Slayer, I really do." He turned from her and began to pace. As usual in times of great agitation, his hands automatically reached for his smokes. He knew that Anya would bitch if he lit up in her shop, but he didn't care. Bugger all; he needed a smoke. Spike lit a cigarette and took a long, hard drag. He turned toward Anya and effectively silenced the complaint forming on her lips with a pointed look. The shopkeeper acquiesced, and he was grateful. Exhaling the smoke in one long stream, he turned back to Buffy.
"Do you have any idea what real power feels like?" Buffy started to speak up, but the vampire raised a hand to silence her. "Yeah, I know. You're little Miss super-strength and all, but I'm talking about real power. The kind of power that takes over, fills you up, makes you feel invincible. Power that seeps into every ounce of your being until it becomes you, defines you, rules you. I've felt that kind of power. I've given in to it; let it overtake me. It's not something you give up willingly." Spike broke off to take another hard drag from his cigarette. He could tell by the look on Buffy's face that he was getting through. Some of this had to be sinking in.
"Remember what I was like when those commandos put this bleeding chip in my head? I tired everything I could think of to get my power back. I didn't want to live without it. I wanted to find those wankers and rip every single one of their bloody heads off. I wanted to make them pay. I wanted to reclaim what was mine. It took me a long time to get where I am today, and no little talk with you could have ever gotten me to this point. I-:" Spike suddenly broke off and resumed his pacing. Bollocks! He had gotten so wrapped up in thinking about himself that he had forgotten where he was going with this. Luckily, Anya chose that moment to speak up.
"He's right Buffy." Anya spoke quietly, but there was definite resolve in her voice. "I've felt that kind of power too. I spent over a thousand years as a vengeance demon, and I relished every second of it. Spike's right. The power takes you over until that power is all that's left. You are the power. Don't you remember what happened when my power was taken away and I became mortal?"
Buffy did remember. Anya had tricked Willow into helping her perform some sort of spell in order to try and get her amulet, the source of her powers, back. Of course, the spell had gone wrong and they had unleashed some sort of evil Willow doppelganger on the world. Buffy winced, remembering the havoc that had been created. She had been so devastated when she thought her best friend had been turned into a vampire. She had also been shocked when the ex-demon had been prepared to let Vamp Willow kill the real Willow just so that Anya could get her powers back. God, if they were right about this..."I remember," said Buffy. She looked at Spike, "I remember everything."
"Good," Anya seemed relieved, "then you're starting to understand. I hated being stuck in the body of a normal 12^th grade human. For over a millennium, I had caused pain and suffering. Mortal men quaked at the mere mention of my name, and scorned women everywhere worshipped me like a god. Now what am I? Nothing. Just a stupid human who can't even get a spell right and gets carded for beer. It wasn't easy Buffy, and it took falling in love with Xander and running this shop to help me realize that I am much better off now. Right now, I wouldn't want my powers back for anything, but back then, I would have stopped at nothing." A small smile crept over Anya's face as she finished, and as she looked down at her engagement ring, it only intensified.
There was a moment of silence in which Anya continued to beam at her ring, Spike continued to smoke, and Buffy let it all sink in. God, they were right. She had no idea what that kind of power felt like, but she didn't doubt that her friend must be feeling it now. Willow had even said as much. Magic is what made her special. Of course, Buffy knew that it wasn't true. She knew that Willow had been special long before she even learned how to float a pencil, but the witch couldn't see it. Well, they would just have to make her see it. They could show Willow that her incredible heart, her wit and intelligence, her loyalty and inner strength were her true powers, not just magic. They would find a way to get through to Willow, some way to make her see in herself what all of her friends already saw. It would be hard, but they could do it.
Feeling a new sense of determination, Buffy looked at Anya and Spike. It was funny; she'd never really realized how much those two had in common. They'd both been very powerful, very evil beings dedicated to death and destruction. They'd both had their power ripped from them against their wishes, and they had both had to adjust to a new way of life. Neither one of them had been exactly happy to be forced into this new white-hat role that they were currently in. Even now, neither the vampire nor the ex-demon fought against the forces of darkness for the sake of good itself. No, they fought only to keep their loved ones safe. If whatever the current evil was didn't immediately threaten them or any of those they cared about, Buffy seriously doubted that either Spike or Anya would care. Wow, they really were a lot alike, but for some reason, Anya got all the breaks, and Spike never got a one. It didn't seem fair.
Buffy frowned to herself as she considered this. Why did her little gang treat these two ex-enemies--who were really very much alike--so differently? Well, Anya was human now and therefore, theoretically at least, had a soul. Spike, on the other hand, was still a vampire and had no soul. Spike didn't regret his past crimes like Angel did. He didn't feel a single speck of remorse for all that he had done. Then again, Anya didn't seem to regret her past actions either. In fact, she seemed to take a strange delight in recounting all of the awful things she had done to thousands of men over the centuries. Don't forget that Anya had a body count stretching out over more than a thousand years. Spike had, what? 120? Hmm, Buffy was starting to get a bit wigged by the fact the Anya and Spike didn't seem different at all. Okay, Spike had tried to kill them all on numerous occasions. Wait...Buffy's mind raced, trying to remember something. Yes, there it was, Anya had told them once how
she had come to town to grant Cordelia's wish. Anya had actually killed them all; it had just been in an alternate universe. Add that to the thousand extra years of death and destruction, and Anya seemed even worse than Spike.
Buffy's head was starting to ache from all this heaving thinking, and she was getting seriously wigged. If Anya and Spike weren't really all that different, how could she keep on treating them so differently? How could she let the rest of the gang? But what should they do? Did her new revelation mean that Spike was good and should be treated like a member of the group, same as Anya? Or did it mean that Anya was still evil and should be shunned just like Spike? Oh God, she needed Giles. He would know what to do. Too bad Giles was back in England. Too bad Giles had decided that Buffy had to handle everything on her own from now on. Okay, so she couldn't go to Giles. Maybe she would talk to Xander. She wasn't planning on bringing up the Spike angle--Xander hated the vampire enough already. Maybe she would just ask him if he ever thought about Anya's past and how he felt about it.
"We need Giles." Anya's voice brought Buffy back to reality. How long had she been standing there lost in thought? She'd been spacing off all day. It was time to quit obsessing over her own petty problems and start dealing with the issue at hand. It was strange how Anya had just said the exact same thing that Buffy had been thinking only moments before. Too bad it wouldn't do any good.
"Giles? No." Buffy's voice was strangely cold as she spoke of her ex-watcher. "In case you forgot, Giles went back to England because he was tired of dealing with all of our problems. No, this is our problem and we have to deal with it ourselves. We can't go running to Giles anymore."
"Slayer," Spike broke in, "I know that you're still upset about his leaving, but-"
"No!" It came out with more force than Buffy had intended, but she pushed on. "You don't know anything about me! You have no idea how I feel, or what I've been going through." She felt the tears welling up in her eyes and had to turn away before Spike realized the extent of her pain.
It was too late. Spike could tell just how much his slayer was hurting, and he quickly went to her side. Placing a hand gently on her shoulder, he spoke in a quiet voice. "Yes. I do. I know how you feel. I know how hard this has been on you. I can see what you're going through." Buffy still refused to look at him, so Spike gently turned her to face him. "You forget that I know you, luv. Better than you know yourself. I can see right through you." He reached out and gently brushed a strand of hair off her face. "I can help you, if you let me."
Buffy's lower lip began to tremble from the effort of holding back her tears. She finally lost the battle and one lone tear managed to slip out and make its way down her cheek. God, he knew her so well. He was right, he did see right through her. Why did he have to be so damn perceptive? Why did he have such a powerful effect on her? Buffy wanted to throw herself into Spike's arms and let him hold her and console her. She wanted to hear him whisper words of comfort in her ear and feel his strong hands stroke her back. Spike reached out to wipe away the renegade tear, and Buffy shivered at his touch. He could help her, but she was afraid to let him. Somewhere, buried deep inside herself, Buffy knew that giving in to her growing feelings for Spike would be good for her. She knew that being with him made her feel better. Hell, he made her feel, period. She'd been so frozen for so long, and the only time that Buffy felt herself begin to thaw was when she was with Spike. But it
was wrong. That knowledge forced her to keep denying her true feelings, to Spike, to herself, to anyone that would listen. The only problem was that every time she pushed away her feelings for him, they just came back twice as strong. Maybe she should just stop fighting it. Maybe it would be worth it. How could something so wrong feel so right?
Spike continued to gently touch Buffy's face, all the while looking into her tear-filled hazel eyes. He could see that there was a battle raging inside of her. He was afraid to move or speak lest he accidentally tip the scales out of his favor. He could scarcely believe it, but it looked like the stubborn girl might actually be coming around. Spike was afraid to allow himself that small hope.
Suddenly, Anya cleared her throat. She had no idea what the hell was going on with Buffy and Spike, but it was starting to make her uncomfortable, and Anya was rarely uncomfortable. Her small action was rewarded with the sight of two blond heads turning to face her. Neither the vampire nor the slayer seemed to know what was happening, so Anya just gave them a "What the Fuck?" look, hoping that they'd get the point.
Buffy was the first to collect herself. Damn, she was having a major emotional moment, and Anya was staring at her like she'd just grown another head. Well, she could talk to Spike later. Right now, she just wanted to wrap this up and get the hell out of there. "Sorry about that you guys. I guess I still get pretty worked up at the mention of Giles' name. Okay, back to Willow. You were both right. I was naïve to believe that she would give up magic, just like that. We need to do something to help her. I really do think that she wants help. She practically begged me to help her last night. There's got to be something we can do. It may not be easy, but we can do it."
"Good," said Spike. "So, what's the plan then, Slayer?"
"Plan? I hafta have a plan? Okay, how about we call an emergency Scooby meeting for tomorrow night? Can you both meet here? Say nine `o'clock?" Both Spike and Anya nodded their heads yes. "Good," continued Buffy. "Ahn, do you know if Xander will be free?"
"As far as I know," replied Anya. "Once I tell him what happened with Dawn, wild horses couldn't keep him away."
Buffy smiled; she was right. "Okay, and what about Tara? Don't you think she should be here too?"
"Yes! Tara," exclaimed Anya. "She'll know what to do. I can call her. She gave me her new number."
"Well folks, there's the plan. Well, the plan to make a plan anyway. We'll all meet here at nine tomorrow. If we all put our heads together, I'm sure we can think of something." Buffy looked at her watch. "I'd better get Dawn home and make her dinner. Dawn! Let's go!"
Buffy turned and started to walk away, but Spike got in front of her. "Patrol later, luv?" He tried not to sound too desperate. He knew that his plan was pretty much shot, but he couldn't just stand back and watch his slayer cry. It destroyed him.
"Yeah, Spike. I'll come by your place as soon as I get Dawn settled in for the night. Okay?" She gave him a pointed look, and Spike tried not to let his hopes climb too high. Was she finally going to talk to him? Would she finally admit her feelings?
"Sounds good, pet. I'll be waiting." Spike fought to keep his voice even. Please don't let her see how much this means to me. His battered ego couldn't take another brutal rejection. "Nibblet! Come say goodbye!"
"Finally," came Dawn's voice from the loft above. "It's about time someone remembered I was here!" She came stomping down the stairs with a scowl on her face.
Spike couldn't help but smile at her agitation. Poor thing hated being left out. "Cheer up Little Bit. Dawson's Creek is on tomorrow night, and the whole gang is bound to find out that Dawson shagged Jen. Maybe if you're good, big sis will let you come over and watch it with me. I might even be able to nick, I mean, pick up some popcorn and sodas. What do ya say?"
Dawn's eyes lit up at the invitation. She turned to look at her sister and practically squealed, "Buffy, can I? Can I, please?"
Buffy looked warily at Spike. She didn't like the sound of this. Spike coolly met her gaze and it was almost as if she could read his mind. She needs to feel included. Still, she really didn't want her little sister wandering around cemeteries at night and hanging out in crypts with the undead. "I don't know Dawn, it's really not safe for you to be going over there at night."
Spike saw Dawn's face crumble and quickly jumped in. "Come on, Slayer. She can come over before it gets dark and I can walk her back here in time for the meeting. She's safe with me. You know that."
Dawn saw her sister's resolve begin to waver, and she decided to try again. "Please Buffy?" She made the puppy dog eyes that she knew worked every time.
"Yeah, Slayer, please?" Now Spike was giving her his version of puppy dog eyes.
Buffy laughed. There was no way she could hold out against these two. "Fine, you can go. But that means that you have to be extra good tonight and go to bed early. You have to go back to school tomorrow, remember."
"Thanks Buffy!" Dawn wrapped her sister in a big hug. "You're the best sister ever!" She turned to wrap Spike in a similar hug. He stumbled back a bit, surprised by her enthusiasm. "Thanks, Spike!" She further startled the vampire by giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow. `Night, Anya," Dawn called as she bounced merrily toward the door.
Buffy looked over at Spike and saw that he was absently touching his cheek where her sister had kissed him. He still had a slightly dazed look about him. She laughed again. Spike was quite the paradox. The Master Vampire undone by one kiss from a fifteen year-old girl. "Okay, I'll see you later." Buffy leaned in and said so quietly that only vampiric ears could hear, "I wanna talk, okay?"
Spike almost keeled over. He honestly didn't think he could take any more surprises that night. Dumbfounded, all he could do was nod. As he watched the two Summers girls leave, a huge smile spread across his face.
Chapter 3: The Magic Box
Spoilers: Begins immediately post-Wrecked, becomes AU after that.
Rating: R for swearing and some sexual situations.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Feedback: Would be highly appreciated. This is my first attempt at fanfic, and I'd like to know how I'm doing. Constructive criticism is welcome.
Distribution: So far, just here. If anyone wants it, just let me know.
Summary: Buffy continues to struggle with her feelings for Spike, and the whole gang tries to help Willow with her abuse of magic.
"Ow!" Dawn winced and clutched her head in pain.
"What?" Buffy looked up from her Mocha, alarmed. She had been lost in thought, remembering the feel of cool white hands on her hot body and the taste of his lips. Those soft, tender lips.
"Ow, ice cream headache," whined her little sister.
"That's what you get for slurping your shake like a little pig!" Buffy felt the blood rush to her face, embarrassed by what she had been thinking. She hoped that it wasn't written all over her face.
"Hey," pouted Dawn, "how's about a little sympathy for wounded girl over here?"
Relieved that her sister had not seemed to notice, Buffy began to tease her. "Oh, I'm sorry Dawnie. Does the little crippled girl need help drinking the big, bad shake? Do you want me to make little airplane noises and feed it to you one spoonful at a time?" She grabbed the spoon that Dawn had decided not to use and scooped up a spoonful of the thick, chocolate concoction. "Here ya go, Dawnie. Open the hanger, here comes the plane." She began to swirl the spoon in front of her sister's mouth, making little buzzing noises all the while.
"I'm not a baby," laughed Dawn, swatting the spoon out of the way and sending a big blob of shake flying. "Stop it," she giggled. "Buffy!"
Buffy finally relented and put the spoon down. "Sorry, couldn't resist." She looked at her watch, almost 4:00. "Hey, what do you say we take these to go and run on over to the Magic Box? I want to talk to Anya about Willow. She and Xander seemed pretty worried about her a few nights ago, and I kind of blew them off. What do you think?"
"Fine with me," replied Dawn. "I need some signatures for my cast anyways." Her face brightened, and she said, "Hey, maybe Spike will be there! I really want to thank him again for helping me out last night. Do you think he might be there?"
Once again, the mention of the blond vampire's name caused Buffy to stiffen slightly. Shit, she hadn't even considered that. Of course Spike would want to check on Dawn. It was amazing, really, how sweet and gentle he had been with her sister. He had been so worried about Dawn, and he'd hovered protectively over her the whole time they were waiting in the Emergency Room. Buffy had been surprised by his tenderness, and she remembered thinking that he could be that tender with her, if she would only let him. No, that wasn't a possibility. She would not let this evil, undead thing get that close to her. Their night together had been a mistake. Sure, it had felt good--God, it had felt wonderful--but it was wrong. She could not allow it to continue. Slayers should not be fucking vampires. It went against her very nature. Okay, so she had done it with Angel, but look what had come of that. Besides, Angel had a soul, and Spike didn't. Although, Buffy frowned as she thought it over,
sometimes it seemed like Spike had more of a soul than Angel ever did. How could that be possible? Spike claimed that he loved her, and, she had to admit, she was kind of starting to believe it herself. Yet, when Angel had lost his soul, he had been incapable of such feelings. How could the two vampires be so--
"Hello! Earth to Buffy!" Dawn's voice brought her out of her revere. "Are you even listening to me?"
"Wha'? I'm sorry, did you say something?" Buffy was still a little dazed from her deep thoughts.
"I said, can we stop by his crypt if he's not at the shop?"
"Um, his crypt? I dunno, Dawn. It's going to be getting dark soon. I really don't want you running around the cemetery at night." Buffy was trying to sound all big-sisterly and authoritative, but inside she was freaking. She really didn't think she could handle seeing Spike right now. What if she lost control and just jumped him? That would not be good, especially in front of her little sister.
"Come on Buffy," whined Dawn. "You'd be right there with me. It's not like you can't protect me. Besides, I really want to thank Spike. You guys never give him the recognition that he deserves. He helps us out a lot you know."
"I know," Buffy said softly. She knew that Spike did help a lot, and he wasn't even getting paid for it now. Dawn had told her how he had helped the rest of the gang patrol every single night while she had been...gone, and how he had taken care of Dawn more times than they could count. Buffy also knew that she didn't thank Spike as often or as profusely as she should. Maybe they should stop by and see him. "Well, let's just play it by ear, okay?"
"Fine!" Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. "But if you won't take me tonight, then I'm going over tomorrow. He's my friend, and I wanna thank him."
"Dawn," Buffy's voice took on a warning tone, "I said we'll see."
Realizing that she probably wasn't going to win this one, Dawn gave up. She picked up what was left of her shake and turned in the direction of the Magic Box. "Let's just go."
Ten minutes later, they arrived at the shop, and the first thing that Buffy saw when she walked through the door was a tattered old blanket flung over a chair. Great, he was there. What should she do? How should she act? Buffy tried not to let her confusion show on her face as she walked calmly into the store.
Dawn saw Spike right away and was delighted. Her eyes lit up, and she ran straight to him. "Spike! I'm so glad you're here," she cried, launching herself into his arms.
A huge smile spread across the vampire's face as he wrapped his arms tightly around the girl, careful not to jostle her broken arm. "Hey Nibblet. How's the patient today?"
"Oh, I'm fine. It hardly hurts at all anymore," came the reply.
"That's my girl. You're a tough one, aren't ya?" Spike carefully took Dawn's arms from around his neck and examined the cast on her arm.
"Tough as nails," laughed Dawn. "Grr."
Spike laughed and playfully ruffled her hair. "That's what I like to hear!" His face suddenly grew serious and he cupped Dawn's chin in one of his hands. Gently raising her face so that their eyes met, Spike asked, "You sure you're okay, pet? You know that you can tell me if you're not. I was very worried about you last night. Still am, as a matter of fact. I don't want anything bad to ever to happen to you."
Dawn gave a small sigh and lunged to wrap her arms around the vampire once again. She stood on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. "Thank you for taking care of me Spike. Your friendship means more to me than you'll ever know. I am so glad that you're here and that you care about me so much. I was really scared last night, and I won't deny it. But I'm okay, and I feel much better now. I'm still really angry about what happened though, and I don't think I'll be going anywhere near Willow for a long time. I can't trust her anymore, and she frightens me. I don't know what we're going to do." Dawn broke off her whispered confession and hugged him a little closer.
Hearing Dawn's words had caused Spike's eyes to tear up, and he was afraid that he couldn't hold back the flood much longer. He didn't know how or why it had happened, but he cared about this little girl more than his own unlife. If anything ever happened to her, he'd...well, he didn't know what he would do. Spike cleared his throat to get rid of the lump that had formed there and squeezed her back. "Don't worry, Nibblet. The Big Bad will protect you."
Dawn gave a little laugh and pulled slightly away to look at his face. "Come on, Spike! I'm badder than you! You're just a big softy." Seeing the look of outrage on the handsome vampire's face, she quickly amended her statement. "I take it back. You're the biggest, baddest Big Bad of them all!" Dawn dropped her arms and twirled away as Spike made a playful grab at her.
"And don't you forget it," came his reply.
Dawn went over to show her cast to Anya, and Spike finally noticed Buffy. She was standing just inside the door and looked frozen in place. He saw that her eyes were fixed intently on him, and he figured that she had probably been watching the whole time. Spike looked back at her, unsure of what to do. He wanted to run to the beautiful slayer and sweep her into his arms. He wanted to hold her and kiss her and ask how she was holding up in light of recent events. It took every ounce of his strength to turn away from her, to tear his eyes off her lovely face. He gave her a slight nod and walked over to the counter and join Anya and Dawn.
Buffy had been watching her sister and Spike. Once again, she was amazed at how gentle this formally brutal killer could be. Buffy knew that Spike loved Dawn and that he would protect her with his life, or unlife, as the case may be. What she couldn't figure out was why. At first, she had assumed that Spike was just using Dawn to get on her good side, but she didn't believe that anymore. He had kept his promise to protect the girl until the end of the world, despite the fact that Buffy was no longer around to see it. No, she could no longer pretend that Spike's affection toward Dawn was just part of some master plan to get into the Slayer's pants. As much as she hated to, Buffy had to admit that Spike's affection was true. He cared about Dawn; that was a fact.
Thinking about Spike's feelings for her sister threatened to overwhelm Buffy, and she had to fight the urge to run over and hug him. She wanted to tell him how grateful she was for all he had done. For everything he still continued to do. The only thing that stopped her from doing just that was Spike's reaction to her, or, actually, his lack of reaction. Buffy wasn't sure exactly what she had expected, but that surely wasn't it. For a moment, she felt hurt that he hadn't been glad to see her, and that he had barely acknowledged her presence. Then, she remembered that she felt nothing for this creature and shouldn't really care how he greeted her. What did she expect, that he'd run to her and profess his love, and they'd live happily ever after? She should have realized that Spike had just used her in order to get another notch on his Slayer belt. He was, after all, an evil, undead thing that was incapable of love. He does love you; he's proved it many times. It didn't matter
anyway. She didn't need him. It was wrong. He'd even said so himself.
Dawn noticed that Buffy had gone into some sort of daze again. She'd been doing that all day. It was kind of weird, but she decided to chalk it up to worries about Willow. Determined to bring her sister out of it, Dawn spoke up. "Hey, Buffy, Anya offered to let me fondle the money! Do you want a turn?"
Buffy came back to reality to see her sister and Spike laughing. Anya, on the other hand, was scowling.
"Dawn," moaned Anya, "I said that you could fondle the money. On account of your broken arm and all. Buffy doesn't have a broken arm, and I don't think that she should be allowed to fondle my money. It is my money after all. Well, I suppose some of it belongs to Giles, but he's gone now, so it's mine. All mine. Mostly mine."
Buffy smiled at this very Anya-like tirade and made her way over to the rest of the group. "It's okay Anya, I think I'll live if I don't get to fondle the money."
"Good," snapped Anya, "'cause you don't get to!"
"Buffy, look!" Dawn waved her cast in front of her sister's face. "Spike signed my cast. Isn't it cool?"
Buffy looked at the cast and saw that Spike had drawn a happy face with fangs sticking out. There were a few drops of blood falling from the fang on the left, and underneath he had written "Get Well Little Bit" followed by his signature. Buffy grimaced and said, "Cute, Dawn. Real cute. I'm sure you'll have that thing filled up in no time. Listen, why don't you go look at those new crystals that Anya just got in. I hear they're pretty cool. I need to talk to Anya and Spike for a minute."
"Come on, Buffy," wailed Dawn. "I know what you're going to talk about, and I think that I deserve to be here for it. It does have to do with me, you know. When are you going to stop treating me like a kid?"
"Dawnie," pleaded Buffy, "you're right, it does have to do with you. And you have every right to be included. It's just that it will be easier for me if you're not here right now. I promise, you will be included in on any future discussions. Okay?"
"But-"
"No buts. Please, for once, just do as I say?"
Dawn wasn't ready to give in, and she turned to Spike, looking for support. To her dismay, he just shook his head and said, "Go on, Little Bit. Do as big sis says. We'll tell you all about it later."
Sighing, Dawn turned on her heal and stalked away, mumbling under her breath about how much it sucked to be a kid.
Buffy looked at Spike, surprised that he had taken her side. "Thanks," she said quietly. Spike merely nodded in return. Why won't he talk to me? Okay, something was definitely wrong with this picture. One minute she was complaining that he wouldn't shut up, and the next she was complaining that he wouldn't talk to her at all. No, not complaining, just curious. She didn't really care either way.
Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Buffy turned to Anya. "Do you know what happened last night?"
"Yeah," replied Anya, "Spike told me all about it before you guys got here. I knew something like this was going to happen. Didn't I tell you? You were all, `Oh, it will be fine. She's a big girl; she can handle it. But she's so level-headed.' Didn't I tell you that it's those responsible types that you have to watch out for? Didn't I-"
"Yeah, Anya, you did," Buffy broke her off. She didn't want to think about the fact that she could have possibly averted this tragedy if only she had listened. "You were right, and I should have taken you more seriously at the time. But, as they say, hindsight..." she trailed off.
"What are we going to do? She's dangerous. Look what she did to Dawn. What if she hurts Xander?" Anya's voice began to rise, and she was on the verge of sounding hysterical.
Buffy was about to jump in and try to calm her down when Spike suddenly spoke up. "Don't worry. Now that everyone finally realizes exactly how bad Red has gotten, we can do something to stop it. She won't have a chance to hurt anyone else."
Spike's voice was almost a growl, and it made Buffy very uneasy. If not for the chip in his head, she might have thought that the vampire was planning on draining her friend, or something even worse.
Anya, however, seemed to find comfort in his words. She looked up at Spike with a small glimmer of hope in her eyes. "Really? We can stop her?"
"Yes, we can, and we will." Spike reached out and patted the ex-demon's shoulder somewhat awkwardly. It was funny how, after a century of delighting in the pain he had caused, he could no longer stand to see the sight of these women suffering. Bloody poofter!
Pushing away her surprise at Spike's attempt to comfort Anya, Buffy spoke up. "Listen you guys, it's really not as bad as all that. We had a long talk last night, and Willow knows that she has a problem. She's agreed to stop using magic." Buffy looked at Spike and gave him a small smile. "So, there's no need to make with the `Grr', okay?"
Buffy took one look at Spike and immediately saw that her feeble attempt at lightheartedness had not gone over well. The vampire's blue eyes flashed, and he was clenching his jaw tightly. This small movement only served to further accentuate his already prominent cheekbones. Oh, those cheekbones...Buffy had to fight the desire to reach out and run her finger lovingly down his beautifully sculpted face. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I-
"Dammit, Slayer! When the hell are you going to wise up? Are you too bloody blind to see what is right in front of you?" Spike's voice was shaking with rage.
Shocked by his outburst, Buffy unconsciously took a step backwards. "Spike? What? I...what are you..." she stammered.
"Slayer, remember that time when Red was hell-bent on getting payback against that Glory chippie after she brain sucked Tara? Remember how you calmed her down and talked her out of it that time? Remember how Willow went after Glory anyway? Remember how both of you almost ended up dead?" Some of the rage had gone from Spike's voice, but his blue eyes continued to flash with anger. Buffy kept her eyes averted, unable to meet his penetrating gaze. "Doesn't seem to me like your little speeches and clam rationalizations do much when it comes to Red. Do you really think that one little talk with you is going to be enough this time? Do you really think that she's just going to stop? It's not that easy, and you know it. You're just too bloody stubborn to admit it!"
Realizing that Spike was right, and hating every minute of it, Buffy finally raised her eyes to meet his. "Do you really think it's going to be that hard for her to quit? "
Spike sighed heavily and ran his hands through his hair in exasperation. "Yeah, Slayer, I really do." He turned from her and began to pace. As usual in times of great agitation, his hands automatically reached for his smokes. He knew that Anya would bitch if he lit up in her shop, but he didn't care. Bugger all; he needed a smoke. Spike lit a cigarette and took a long, hard drag. He turned toward Anya and effectively silenced the complaint forming on her lips with a pointed look. The shopkeeper acquiesced, and he was grateful. Exhaling the smoke in one long stream, he turned back to Buffy.
"Do you have any idea what real power feels like?" Buffy started to speak up, but the vampire raised a hand to silence her. "Yeah, I know. You're little Miss super-strength and all, but I'm talking about real power. The kind of power that takes over, fills you up, makes you feel invincible. Power that seeps into every ounce of your being until it becomes you, defines you, rules you. I've felt that kind of power. I've given in to it; let it overtake me. It's not something you give up willingly." Spike broke off to take another hard drag from his cigarette. He could tell by the look on Buffy's face that he was getting through. Some of this had to be sinking in.
"Remember what I was like when those commandos put this bleeding chip in my head? I tired everything I could think of to get my power back. I didn't want to live without it. I wanted to find those wankers and rip every single one of their bloody heads off. I wanted to make them pay. I wanted to reclaim what was mine. It took me a long time to get where I am today, and no little talk with you could have ever gotten me to this point. I-:" Spike suddenly broke off and resumed his pacing. Bollocks! He had gotten so wrapped up in thinking about himself that he had forgotten where he was going with this. Luckily, Anya chose that moment to speak up.
"He's right Buffy." Anya spoke quietly, but there was definite resolve in her voice. "I've felt that kind of power too. I spent over a thousand years as a vengeance demon, and I relished every second of it. Spike's right. The power takes you over until that power is all that's left. You are the power. Don't you remember what happened when my power was taken away and I became mortal?"
Buffy did remember. Anya had tricked Willow into helping her perform some sort of spell in order to try and get her amulet, the source of her powers, back. Of course, the spell had gone wrong and they had unleashed some sort of evil Willow doppelganger on the world. Buffy winced, remembering the havoc that had been created. She had been so devastated when she thought her best friend had been turned into a vampire. She had also been shocked when the ex-demon had been prepared to let Vamp Willow kill the real Willow just so that Anya could get her powers back. God, if they were right about this..."I remember," said Buffy. She looked at Spike, "I remember everything."
"Good," Anya seemed relieved, "then you're starting to understand. I hated being stuck in the body of a normal 12^th grade human. For over a millennium, I had caused pain and suffering. Mortal men quaked at the mere mention of my name, and scorned women everywhere worshipped me like a god. Now what am I? Nothing. Just a stupid human who can't even get a spell right and gets carded for beer. It wasn't easy Buffy, and it took falling in love with Xander and running this shop to help me realize that I am much better off now. Right now, I wouldn't want my powers back for anything, but back then, I would have stopped at nothing." A small smile crept over Anya's face as she finished, and as she looked down at her engagement ring, it only intensified.
There was a moment of silence in which Anya continued to beam at her ring, Spike continued to smoke, and Buffy let it all sink in. God, they were right. She had no idea what that kind of power felt like, but she didn't doubt that her friend must be feeling it now. Willow had even said as much. Magic is what made her special. Of course, Buffy knew that it wasn't true. She knew that Willow had been special long before she even learned how to float a pencil, but the witch couldn't see it. Well, they would just have to make her see it. They could show Willow that her incredible heart, her wit and intelligence, her loyalty and inner strength were her true powers, not just magic. They would find a way to get through to Willow, some way to make her see in herself what all of her friends already saw. It would be hard, but they could do it.
Feeling a new sense of determination, Buffy looked at Anya and Spike. It was funny; she'd never really realized how much those two had in common. They'd both been very powerful, very evil beings dedicated to death and destruction. They'd both had their power ripped from them against their wishes, and they had both had to adjust to a new way of life. Neither one of them had been exactly happy to be forced into this new white-hat role that they were currently in. Even now, neither the vampire nor the ex-demon fought against the forces of darkness for the sake of good itself. No, they fought only to keep their loved ones safe. If whatever the current evil was didn't immediately threaten them or any of those they cared about, Buffy seriously doubted that either Spike or Anya would care. Wow, they really were a lot alike, but for some reason, Anya got all the breaks, and Spike never got a one. It didn't seem fair.
Buffy frowned to herself as she considered this. Why did her little gang treat these two ex-enemies--who were really very much alike--so differently? Well, Anya was human now and therefore, theoretically at least, had a soul. Spike, on the other hand, was still a vampire and had no soul. Spike didn't regret his past crimes like Angel did. He didn't feel a single speck of remorse for all that he had done. Then again, Anya didn't seem to regret her past actions either. In fact, she seemed to take a strange delight in recounting all of the awful things she had done to thousands of men over the centuries. Don't forget that Anya had a body count stretching out over more than a thousand years. Spike had, what? 120? Hmm, Buffy was starting to get a bit wigged by the fact the Anya and Spike didn't seem different at all. Okay, Spike had tried to kill them all on numerous occasions. Wait...Buffy's mind raced, trying to remember something. Yes, there it was, Anya had told them once how
she had come to town to grant Cordelia's wish. Anya had actually killed them all; it had just been in an alternate universe. Add that to the thousand extra years of death and destruction, and Anya seemed even worse than Spike.
Buffy's head was starting to ache from all this heaving thinking, and she was getting seriously wigged. If Anya and Spike weren't really all that different, how could she keep on treating them so differently? How could she let the rest of the gang? But what should they do? Did her new revelation mean that Spike was good and should be treated like a member of the group, same as Anya? Or did it mean that Anya was still evil and should be shunned just like Spike? Oh God, she needed Giles. He would know what to do. Too bad Giles was back in England. Too bad Giles had decided that Buffy had to handle everything on her own from now on. Okay, so she couldn't go to Giles. Maybe she would talk to Xander. She wasn't planning on bringing up the Spike angle--Xander hated the vampire enough already. Maybe she would just ask him if he ever thought about Anya's past and how he felt about it.
"We need Giles." Anya's voice brought Buffy back to reality. How long had she been standing there lost in thought? She'd been spacing off all day. It was time to quit obsessing over her own petty problems and start dealing with the issue at hand. It was strange how Anya had just said the exact same thing that Buffy had been thinking only moments before. Too bad it wouldn't do any good.
"Giles? No." Buffy's voice was strangely cold as she spoke of her ex-watcher. "In case you forgot, Giles went back to England because he was tired of dealing with all of our problems. No, this is our problem and we have to deal with it ourselves. We can't go running to Giles anymore."
"Slayer," Spike broke in, "I know that you're still upset about his leaving, but-"
"No!" It came out with more force than Buffy had intended, but she pushed on. "You don't know anything about me! You have no idea how I feel, or what I've been going through." She felt the tears welling up in her eyes and had to turn away before Spike realized the extent of her pain.
It was too late. Spike could tell just how much his slayer was hurting, and he quickly went to her side. Placing a hand gently on her shoulder, he spoke in a quiet voice. "Yes. I do. I know how you feel. I know how hard this has been on you. I can see what you're going through." Buffy still refused to look at him, so Spike gently turned her to face him. "You forget that I know you, luv. Better than you know yourself. I can see right through you." He reached out and gently brushed a strand of hair off her face. "I can help you, if you let me."
Buffy's lower lip began to tremble from the effort of holding back her tears. She finally lost the battle and one lone tear managed to slip out and make its way down her cheek. God, he knew her so well. He was right, he did see right through her. Why did he have to be so damn perceptive? Why did he have such a powerful effect on her? Buffy wanted to throw herself into Spike's arms and let him hold her and console her. She wanted to hear him whisper words of comfort in her ear and feel his strong hands stroke her back. Spike reached out to wipe away the renegade tear, and Buffy shivered at his touch. He could help her, but she was afraid to let him. Somewhere, buried deep inside herself, Buffy knew that giving in to her growing feelings for Spike would be good for her. She knew that being with him made her feel better. Hell, he made her feel, period. She'd been so frozen for so long, and the only time that Buffy felt herself begin to thaw was when she was with Spike. But it
was wrong. That knowledge forced her to keep denying her true feelings, to Spike, to herself, to anyone that would listen. The only problem was that every time she pushed away her feelings for him, they just came back twice as strong. Maybe she should just stop fighting it. Maybe it would be worth it. How could something so wrong feel so right?
Spike continued to gently touch Buffy's face, all the while looking into her tear-filled hazel eyes. He could see that there was a battle raging inside of her. He was afraid to move or speak lest he accidentally tip the scales out of his favor. He could scarcely believe it, but it looked like the stubborn girl might actually be coming around. Spike was afraid to allow himself that small hope.
Suddenly, Anya cleared her throat. She had no idea what the hell was going on with Buffy and Spike, but it was starting to make her uncomfortable, and Anya was rarely uncomfortable. Her small action was rewarded with the sight of two blond heads turning to face her. Neither the vampire nor the slayer seemed to know what was happening, so Anya just gave them a "What the Fuck?" look, hoping that they'd get the point.
Buffy was the first to collect herself. Damn, she was having a major emotional moment, and Anya was staring at her like she'd just grown another head. Well, she could talk to Spike later. Right now, she just wanted to wrap this up and get the hell out of there. "Sorry about that you guys. I guess I still get pretty worked up at the mention of Giles' name. Okay, back to Willow. You were both right. I was naïve to believe that she would give up magic, just like that. We need to do something to help her. I really do think that she wants help. She practically begged me to help her last night. There's got to be something we can do. It may not be easy, but we can do it."
"Good," said Spike. "So, what's the plan then, Slayer?"
"Plan? I hafta have a plan? Okay, how about we call an emergency Scooby meeting for tomorrow night? Can you both meet here? Say nine `o'clock?" Both Spike and Anya nodded their heads yes. "Good," continued Buffy. "Ahn, do you know if Xander will be free?"
"As far as I know," replied Anya. "Once I tell him what happened with Dawn, wild horses couldn't keep him away."
Buffy smiled; she was right. "Okay, and what about Tara? Don't you think she should be here too?"
"Yes! Tara," exclaimed Anya. "She'll know what to do. I can call her. She gave me her new number."
"Well folks, there's the plan. Well, the plan to make a plan anyway. We'll all meet here at nine tomorrow. If we all put our heads together, I'm sure we can think of something." Buffy looked at her watch. "I'd better get Dawn home and make her dinner. Dawn! Let's go!"
Buffy turned and started to walk away, but Spike got in front of her. "Patrol later, luv?" He tried not to sound too desperate. He knew that his plan was pretty much shot, but he couldn't just stand back and watch his slayer cry. It destroyed him.
"Yeah, Spike. I'll come by your place as soon as I get Dawn settled in for the night. Okay?" She gave him a pointed look, and Spike tried not to let his hopes climb too high. Was she finally going to talk to him? Would she finally admit her feelings?
"Sounds good, pet. I'll be waiting." Spike fought to keep his voice even. Please don't let her see how much this means to me. His battered ego couldn't take another brutal rejection. "Nibblet! Come say goodbye!"
"Finally," came Dawn's voice from the loft above. "It's about time someone remembered I was here!" She came stomping down the stairs with a scowl on her face.
Spike couldn't help but smile at her agitation. Poor thing hated being left out. "Cheer up Little Bit. Dawson's Creek is on tomorrow night, and the whole gang is bound to find out that Dawson shagged Jen. Maybe if you're good, big sis will let you come over and watch it with me. I might even be able to nick, I mean, pick up some popcorn and sodas. What do ya say?"
Dawn's eyes lit up at the invitation. She turned to look at her sister and practically squealed, "Buffy, can I? Can I, please?"
Buffy looked warily at Spike. She didn't like the sound of this. Spike coolly met her gaze and it was almost as if she could read his mind. She needs to feel included. Still, she really didn't want her little sister wandering around cemeteries at night and hanging out in crypts with the undead. "I don't know Dawn, it's really not safe for you to be going over there at night."
Spike saw Dawn's face crumble and quickly jumped in. "Come on, Slayer. She can come over before it gets dark and I can walk her back here in time for the meeting. She's safe with me. You know that."
Dawn saw her sister's resolve begin to waver, and she decided to try again. "Please Buffy?" She made the puppy dog eyes that she knew worked every time.
"Yeah, Slayer, please?" Now Spike was giving her his version of puppy dog eyes.
Buffy laughed. There was no way she could hold out against these two. "Fine, you can go. But that means that you have to be extra good tonight and go to bed early. You have to go back to school tomorrow, remember."
"Thanks Buffy!" Dawn wrapped her sister in a big hug. "You're the best sister ever!" She turned to wrap Spike in a similar hug. He stumbled back a bit, surprised by her enthusiasm. "Thanks, Spike!" She further startled the vampire by giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow. `Night, Anya," Dawn called as she bounced merrily toward the door.
Buffy looked over at Spike and saw that he was absently touching his cheek where her sister had kissed him. He still had a slightly dazed look about him. She laughed again. Spike was quite the paradox. The Master Vampire undone by one kiss from a fifteen year-old girl. "Okay, I'll see you later." Buffy leaned in and said so quietly that only vampiric ears could hear, "I wanna talk, okay?"
Spike almost keeled over. He honestly didn't think he could take any more surprises that night. Dumbfounded, all he could do was nod. As he watched the two Summers girls leave, a huge smile spread across his face.