If Not Wisely
Chapter 7: The Crypt
Spoilers: Begins immediately post-Wrecked, becomes AU after that.
Rating: R for swearing and some sexual situations.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Feedback: Would be highly appreciated. This is my first attempt at fanfic, and I'd like to know how I'm doing. Constructive criticism is welcome.
Distribution: So far, just here. If anyone wants it, just let me know.
Summary: Buffy continues to struggle with her feelings for Spike, and the whole gang tries to help Willow with her abuse of magic.
A/N: I was totally annoyed by the lack of Spike/Dawn interaction in tonight's episode, despite the fact that there were many prime opportunities. Look for some major Spike/Dawn chocolaty goodness to come. Please review, it makes it so much easier to write new stuff!
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After Buffy had dropped Dawn off at school and squared everything away with the attendance office, she decided to drop by Spike's crypt on her way home. She knew that he'd still be sleeping, but she wanted to warn him that Dawn had decided to come over straight from school. Plus, she had to fill him in on the whole Chaos Demon cover story. Dawn was sure to grill him about it, and Buffy wanted to make sure that their stories matched. No need to raise any more suspicion.
She was a little nervous about seeing Spike again, but she really didn't know why. It had absolutely nothing to do with the kiss they had shared the night before, that was for sure. Well, almost nothing. She ran a hand through her tangled hair, wishing that she'd had more time to get ready. She was wearing a pair of running pants and a long-sleeved T-shirt with sneakers. Hell, she hadn't had time to even put on make-up. But then again, why should Buffy care what she looked like? She was only going to see Spike, and that was no big. She'd done it a million times before, and this time was no different. `Except for the kiss.'
Buffy's thoughts immediately flew back to the events of the night before. She touched her mouth again, remembering. That had been their first real kiss. At least, it had been the first one that had had genuine emotion behind it and wasn't fueled by anger or hormones or a blind need to feel something, anything. It had really been quite...sweet. Okay, something was definitely wrong with this picture. Spike and sweet were unmixy things. Kinda like Buffy and driving, or Buffy and alcohol, or Buffy and...damn, she really didn't mix with much. So, Spike's kiss had been sweet, he was probably just trying to ensure that she didn't stake him after his little "I almost bit a girl and drained her dry" confession.
Thinking about how Spike had almost fallen off the people wagon--and right onto some poor girl--made Buffy more than a little uneasy. They would definitely have to talk some more about that issue. Despite his tearful declarations of the night before, she still wasn't sure if she could trust the vampire not to bite. Oops! She was supposed to be treating Spike like a man. Buffy figured that the best way to make sure she treated him like a man was to make sure that she always thought of him as one. Still, old habits die hard.
Before she even knew it, Buffy was standing in front of Spike's crypt. She paused outside the door. Suddenly, she was afraid to go in. No, not afraid, just cautious. She didn't want to take him by surprise and risk ending up on the business end of a stake. She had seen before how wary Spike was of unexpected visitors. It didn't help that most of the demon population in Sunnydale was gunning for him. `Because of me.' Still, she was being stupid. Just open the door and walk inside. `What is the problem here?'
Easing open the door, Buffy stepped inside the dark crypt. She was careful not to let too much sunlight in. Didn't wanna risk any nasty burns. "Spike? Are you awake?" Buffy deliberately kept her voice low. She knew that he wouldn't be awake yet, and some small part of her wanted to watch him sleep, just for a moment. She quietly made her was to the hole in the ground that led to the lower level. "Spike," she called again, peeking into the chasm. Oh well, she would just have to go wake him up.
Buffy hit the floor at the bottom of the ladder and turned to look at her sleeping...what? What the hell was he anyway? Her lover? Well, technically he was, but she would never use that term to describe him. Friend? Sometimes. Buffy couldn't help but think of all the times that she'd gone to him right after she had risen from the dead. At the time, he had seemed to be the only one who didn't want anything from her, didn't need anything from her. He had listened to her talk and kept her secrets. She could tell him anything without worrying how he'd react. Suddenly, Buffy knew exactly what Dawn had been talking about the night before. Buffy had told Spike all of the things that she had been afraid to tell her friends, and she hadn't had to worry how it would affect him. Without bidding, something that Spike had said--or rather, sung--to her on that fateful night, the night this whole big mess had started, came rushing back to her. "Whisper in a dead man's ear, doesn't make it
real." No, but that wasn't it. Buffy refused to believe that it was true. Spike was somehow...comforting. They could sit in silence for hours, and she would feel better just knowing that he was there. She really had been starting to think of him as a friend. That was, until he had told her to stop coming to him. At the time, Buffy had been really hurt by that, but, looking back, she could see his point. It must be hard for Spike to have her so close to him, always crying on his shoulder, but not really *have* her.
Buffy was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of Spike sighing in his sleep. She took a moment to look at him, really look at him. God, he was beautiful. In sleep, Spike's face looked so peaceful and gentle. All traces of his cocky smugness were gone, and all that was left was a thing of beauty. Unconsciously, she took a few steps closer to the bed. Except for the fact that he wasn't breathing, Spike looked just like a regular person, not an evil vampire. No one who stumbled upon this scene could possibly ever think that he was anything other than an extremely handsome man. Buffy smiled wistfully, wishing that that were the case. If only he wasn't a vampire, then things would be so much easier.
Without warning, the silence was broken. "Bloody Hell, Slayer! You gonna stand there all day? Get your cute little arse over here and into my bed."
"Spike!" Buffy hadn't known that he was awake. How long had he been pretending to be asleep?
"Not that this isn't a perfectly lovely wake up call, pet, but it's much to early for us vamps to be up and about. Now, come *on*!" He scooted over a bit in the bed and lifted up the sheet to allow her access. He was naked underneath.
"Spike," Buffy shrieked again, "You're naked!" Quickly, before she could see any more, Buffy spun around so that her back was to him.
"Bloody Hell! Haven't we already gone through this little song and dance, Slayer? There's no need for your little blushing virgin act. You've seen it all before." When Buffy still did not turn around Spike sighed and dropped the sheet back down. "All right, be that way. But I'm not getting up, and I'm certainly not getting dressed, so if you're not here to get in bed with me, then for pity's sake tell me why you *are* here. And make it quick; I need my beauty rest."
"You got that right!" Buffy was trying to act like the whole naked thing didn't bother her, but she didn't have the courage to turn around. After all, she couldn't be tempted by what she couldn't see.
"Come now, you're being ridiculous! Turn around, Slayer, I've got all my naughty bits covered now, I promise." Spike's voice was smooth as silk, and just listening to it made Buffy's stomach do strange things.
"You promise?"
"Bloody Hell!"
"Fine, I'll turn around, but you'd better not be lying, or I'll--"
"Let me guess," Buffy could hear the smirk in his voice, "you'll stake me good and proper. Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before. Sing me a new one, Slayer."
Buffy spun around quickly to face him. Thankfully, he was covered to the waist, but the way he was lounging there with his hands behind his head and that smug look on his face made Buffy want to scream. "Spike, I know that your one joy in life is annoying me, but now is really not the time. I need to talk to you."
The grin immediately flew from Spike's face, and he sat up abruptly. "What is it? Is the Little Bit okay? Did Red do something to her?"
"What? Oh...no...that's not it." Why had she come anyway? Suddenly, Buffy had no idea what she had wanted to talk to him about. "No, Willow didn't do anything to Dawn. She and I had a big fight this morning though."
"Who? You and Dawn?"
"No, me and Willow." Buffy walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, far away from Spike's naked body.
"You don't say. What happened?" Spike relaxed back down onto the bed and rolled on his side to look at her. He was relieved that the Little Bit wasn't in any danger, but he was still concerned.
"Oh, Spike, it was awful. Willow has totally changed. I barely even recognize her anymore. You should have seen her. She looked terrible."
Spike could see that her eyes were beginning to tear up, so he stretched out an arm to gently rub her back. "What happened, luv?"
Buffy turned to look at him. She could see the worry written all over his face. When had this happened? When had Spike turned from some psychotic vampire, whose only real goal in life had been to bag his third Slayer, into this kind and caring *man*? She gave him a little smile of thanks as Spike continued to rub the small of her back. More than anything, she just wanted to lie down in bed and let him wrap his arms around her and hold her until she felt better. But she couldn't. Maybe she shouldn't even be letting him rub her back. She didn't want to give him the wrong idea. Her feelings for him may have softened a bit since last night, but she still didn't think that she should let herself get involved romantically with a vampire. Then again, it felt so good. Why the hell not?
Slowly, she recounted the morning's events. She could feel Spike growing more and more agitated as she went on. When she got to the part about Willow starting to cast a spell on her, Spike shot up to a sitting position once again.
"WHAT? That crazy bint was going to cast a spell on you? She didn't hurt you, did she?"
"Calm down, Spike. No, she didn't hurt me. I don't even know for sure exactly what happened. Dawn said that she saw Willow's eyes go all black and stuff. I don't really know what that means, or even if that's what she really saw, but Dawn seemed to think that it wasn't a good sign."
"She's right. It's not a good sign. I've seen it before. It means that Red was channeling some serious mojo, black stuff."
"What?" Buffy was confused. "How do you know that?"
Spike sighed and flopped back down onto the bed. "Well, for one thing, I've been around for a century and a half, I think I've seen my share of dark magic. For another, I worked side by side with Red all summer, and I've seen her use that stuff more than once."
"But...Willow wouldn't...I mean, Giles has always told us...it's too dangerous." Buffy stammered wildly, trying to come to grips with the fact that Spike seemed to know her best friend better than she did.
"Yes, luv, she would, and as far as your Watcher goes, he was there all along. And, except for that little chewing out he gave Red that night in the kitchen, he never said one word about it."
"What?" Buffy frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"You remember, luv, it was that night when we sat on your back porch. You asked me what I knew about finances and told me all about your money troubles." Buffy was still staring at him blankly as Spike continued to try and jog her memory. Switching from his usual North London drawl to an exaggerated impression of Giles' upper crust accent, he said, "'You rank, arrogant amateur.' Ring any bells, luv?"
As soon as the words came out of Spike's mouth, all sorts of bells went off in Buffy's head. She winced at the memory of that night. Giles had been so upset with Willow for using black magic to bring Buffy back from the dead. At the time, she had been surprised by Giles' anger and a little bit hurt that he seemed to be saying that he wished she had never come back. That pain was intensified by the fact that Buffy herself wished that she had never been brought back. She had her own heaping helping of anger and resentment for Willow regarding that issue.
"I remember," she said softly. "So, that was the only time Giles said something to her? He must have seen this coming. *I* should have seen this coming. I guess I was just too wrapped up in my own problems to notice that Willow was in trouble." The tears were coming again, and Buffy fought to keep them back.
Spike's heart went out to her. "Don't say that, luv. You've had a lot to deal with, and it's completely understandable. Besides, you're not Red's keeper. She's a big girl, and she does what she wants."
"I know. You're right." Buffy smiled weakly and swiped at an errant tear with the back of her hand. "As usual," she added and saw Spike grin. "It's just that I'm a little surprised that Willow is using black magic. Out of all of us, she's always been the most practical."
"Practical," scoffed Spike, "what planet are you living on, and what color is the sky?" Ignoring Buffy's puzzled look, he continued, "Don't you remember that time, after wolf-boy dumped her? She cast that bloody `My Will be Done' spell? If I remember correctly, she made your Watcher go blind and you fall madly in love with yours truly. Come to think of it, that wasn't so bad after all." Buffy groaned and slugged him gently on the shoulder. "Okay, our little `engagement' aside, that was a very dangerous spell, and she did it for a very selfish reason. And, as I seem to recall, Willow suffered no consequences for it, aside from a few batches of cookies and a little detail job on the Watcher's car."
"You're right. She does tend to use magic for selfish reasons. Right before that, she tried to curse Oz in order to get revenge on him for sleeping with Veruka."
"You see? And none of her mates ever called her on it. Just a few weeks ago, she wiped out all of our memories and nearly got us killed in the process. Once again, nobody did anything about it. Well, except for her lover, she at least had the smarts to get the hell out of there." Spike could tell by the look on Buffy's face that talking about that day was still hard for her. He suspected that all of her painful memories coming back all at once must have been almost too much to bear. Still, he needed to make his point. "This time, she's gone way too far. She almost got Nibblet killed! You can't just let her get off with a slap on the wrist and a promise not to do any more magic. It's not enough. She's only going to do it again, and who knows what could happen next time?"
"I know!" snapped Buffy. "I know that I have to do something, but I just don't know what to do. I don't think she's going to listen to me. Hell, I don't even know what to say to her. I tried this morning and failed miserably. Spike, what am I supposed to do?"
Spike reached out to wrap her in a hug. "It's okay, you don't have to do this all by yourself. I'm here for you, and I'll help you in anyway I can. The rest of your mates will too." Spike pulled back to look into her eyes and said, "When are you going to learn that you don't have to shoulder every burden alone? Just because you're the Slayer doesn't mean that you can't ask for help sometimes."
Irritated, Buffy pulled out of his embrace and fixed him with a glare. "Actually, it does. I'm the first Slayer in history to have family and friends. I'm an anomaly. Slayers weren't built for it, and it's what killed me, twice." She noticed the pained look that crossed Spike's face at the mention of her death, but pushed on. "Every single Slayer before me had only her Watcher to rely on, and maybe the Council. But, hey, I don't even have a Watcher anymore, and we all know what the Council has tried to do to me in the past. So, it looks like I'm oh for two, and all that I really have left is me."
"Slayer," Spike tried to break in, but Buffy was having none of it. She was on a roll.
"The whole reason Giles left in the first place is because he wanted me to do this all on my own. He was sick and tired of my coming to him with every problem and relying on him for everything. He was my Watcher, he was supposed to...*watch* me, and train me and help me. I'm pretty sure all that stuff is in the damn Watcher handbook, but he just didn't feel like doing it anymore, so he left."
"Slayer."
Buffy's head snapped up sharply. "Why do you always call me Slayer? I don't go around calling you `Vampire.' I have a name, you know. It's Buffy."
Spike was surprised by the question. "I don't know, luv. I guess it's just that, well, calling you Buffy just seems so...intimate...and I don't think you're ready to...relate...to me on that level."
"Oh, I see. So, calling me by my first name is too intimate, but fucking me up against a wall in an abandoned house isn't? Jeez Spike, I'd like to see your definition of intimate!"
"Now Pet, don't be like that. I'm talking about two completely different things." He reached out to place his hand lightly on the crotch of Buffy's running pants, and she shivered at his touch. "You may have let me in here," he squeezed gently for emphasis, making her shudder, "but you haven't let me in here," he moved his hand up to her left breast, somewhere in the general vicinity of her heart, and smiled as he felt Buffy's nipple grow hard. Before she could get too excited, he moved the hand up to lightly graze her temple, "Or here. Buffy, you may have granted me access to your body, but you have yet to let me into your heart and mind. Why, I'd wager that you are still denying to yourself that you have any feelings for me at all."
The hand moved from Buffy's temple and immediately lost itself in her hair. Somehow, Spike's other hand had settled on her upper arm, but Buffy had no idea how or when it had gotten there. His nearness was intoxicating, and her head was swimming. All she wanted was to forget all of her problems and lose herself in him. Breathless, she wet her lips slightly and said, "Spike." It was almost a moan. With agonizing slowness, Spike moved his lips closer to hers, and Buffy parted her own in anticipation. Just was she was sure that a kiss was eminent, Spike spoke again.
"I guess you could say that my calling you Slayer all the time is just my own little defense mechanism. Kinda like your incessant denial. Gives me a little distance and keeps me from getting hurt too badly. But, I have to say, it doesn't always work." Spike let out a little chuckle when he saw the look in Buffy's eyes change from lust to disappointment. "Oh, I'm sorry, luv. Were you hoping for this?" Finally, he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to hers.
The spark was instantaneous. It began where their lips met and coursed throughout Buffy's entire body. The electricity was overwhelming, and she gasped at the sensation. Buffy had been expecting the kiss, had been longing for it really, but she had not been prepared for this. This heat, this fire consumed her, and she was drowning in it and burning up all at once. Without consciously summoning them, crazed thoughts flew into her spinning head. `I'm drowning in you, Summers.' No, it was she that was drowning. `I want the fire back.' But she had found it. Her fire lay here, in the gentle lips and searing touch of her former mortal enemy. `This isn't real; I just want to feel.' Was it real? Could anything that felt this incredibly wonderful, and so utterly sinful at the same time, possibly ever be real? Buffy had no answers. She had only this feeling, and, at the moment, it was all she wanted.
Buffy heard him murmur her name, her real name this time, and her eyes flew open (when had she closed them?). She was met with the sight of Spike's beautiful blue eyes locked onto hers. Again, he whispered her name, and she felt tears spring to her eyes. That look, his eyes. It was so intense, like nothing she had ever seen. His eyes were burning into her, peering into her very soul. There were so many emotions there that Buffy had a hard time discerning one from another. She looked into his eyes--the eyes of an evil, soulless killer--and saw love, desire, longing and...what was that...pain. It was too much. She couldn't look any longer, so Buffy lunged to hold him tightly. Her chin was over his shoulder, and her hands continued to dance over the smooth planes of his back. If she could look into his eyes and see all of those things, what was he seeing in hers? She suddenly felt so vulnerable, so naked.
Spike was panting. He didn't need to breathe, but she made him forget that. He held her tightly and gasped like a man drowning. `I'm drowning in you, Summers.' Spike had known the exact moment when he had finally penetrated her, had finally poked a hole in the ironclad fortress around her heart. He knew that it scared her, but right now he didn't care. He had seen it in her eyes. Yes, there was something there. She did feel something for him. Maybe not love, not yet, but it was there nonetheless. His unbeating heart sang at the possibility, not so farfetched now, that she might someday return his love.
Despite the happiness washing over him now, Spike was not stupid. He knew that the little bit of herself Buffy had just given him would be too much for her. He knew that she would probably get up and run out, or maybe start hurling insults at him again. It didn't matter. He'd had a small victory, and it was really all he needed right now. After all, he wasn't getting any older, and he could wait as long as was needed.
Spike had known it was coming, but he was still a little surprised when Buffy pulled out of his arms to look up at him. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, and he couldn't help but smile at her beauty. Being with her was probably as close to heaven as a vampire like him would ever get. His eyes traveled over her face, memorizing every single detail so that he might never forget the vision that was Buffy.
"Spike," the word was barely a whisper, and her voice broke slightly over the single syllable.
He smiled again, almost sadly, and reached out to brush a lock of hair out of her wide hazel eyes. "Shh, luv, it's okay."
"Spike, I--"
"I know, luv. I know." He was waiting for her to get up and run for the door. Any minute now. It was a kind of sweet torture, wishing she would stay, knowing she would leave, just waiting for her to do something.
"Spike, will you hold me?"
It was definitely not the reaction he had been expecting, but it was better than he could ever have imagined. His voice nearly failed him, but he managed to say, "Always," before sinking back down onto the bed, pulling her gently with him. Spike lay on his back, cradling Buffy in his strong arms. She rested her head on his chest, tucked under his chin, and flung one leg over his. Her free arm wrapped around his torso, and her grip was strong.
They stayed that way for what must have been hours. Neither one speaking and barely moving. Once in a while, he would plant a soft kiss on the top of her head. Occasionally, she would draw lazy circles on his chest with a tip of her nail, and sometimes his hand would trace delicate patterns on the small of her back. From time to time, Buffy would cry silently; the tears pooling on his chest and matting her hair with their wetness. When she cried, he would merely hold her more tightly. There were no words of comfort; words would only get in the way. They both just took the time to enjoy whatever was steadily growing between them. At times, weariness would overtake them, and they would sleep, separately or together.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Buffy pulled herself from his arms and sat up. Spike had been sleeping, but the loss of contact brought him awake with a start. "What's wrong, luv?" His voice was thick with sleep, and Buffy had never heard anything sexier.
"Nothing's wrong. It's getting late, that's all. Do you have any idea what time it is?" Her stomach was growling like Oz on a full moon. She hadn't eaten anything all day.
Spike stretched and sat up. "Dunno." He took a deep breath, sniffing the air. "Feels like it must be about 2:00, maybe 2:30."
"Oh my God! Dawn!" How had the time slipped away so quickly?
"What? Where?" Spike was almost comical in his confusion.
"She's coming here straight from school. I gotta get out of here! If she catches us...I gotta go." Buffy stood up and began hunting for the shoes she had kicked off earlier.
"You know, Buffy," her name again. It made Buffy's heart flutter to hear her name on his lips. "If Little Bit did catch us, she'd probably be happy about it. She likes me, you know. One of the select few who do."
Buffy smiled. "I know, Spike. She does like you. Actually, I was meaning to talk to you about that."
"Hey! No!" Spike's voice rose alarmingly. "There's nothing going on there. At least, nothing...you know...perverted or anything. I love her like my own sis."
She laughed. "Spike! I didn't...how could you think...that I would..." Suddenly, she was hit with a visual. "Ew! Spike!"
Spike looked majorly chagrinned. "Oh, that's not what you meant, then?"
"No! What are you, Chester the Molester?" Buffy laughed again, and then was serious. "What I wanted to say was...well, I wanted to thank you for being so good to Dawn. She really likes hanging out with you, and I think it's good for her."
Spike raised his scarred eyebrow. "You do?"
"Yeah, we had a long talk about you last night. You've really helped her, you know, with the whole key thing and with my being gone. I know that you took very good care of her when I couldn't be here. You kept your promise to me, and I'm grateful to you for that." Suddenly, Buffy was a little embarrassed from all that she had told him. "So, anyways, I just wanted to, you know, thank...you."
Spike was smiling from ear to ear. Nothing she had ever said to him had made his half as happy as he was now. "The Bit told you all that?"
"Yeah, she did. In fact, she was gushing about you so much that I nearly puked! I think she might have a tiny crush on you."
The wide smile quickly transformed into his trademark smirk. "Who could blame her, really? I'm quite a handsome bloke, if I do say so myself. Devilishly handsome, in fact.'
Buffy groaned at his arrogance. "Please! Like you even remember what you look like!"
"True, but the ladies just love Spike. What can I say? I've got animal magnetism!"
"You're an animal alright! Listen, I gotta go. She'll be here soon. Do me a favor and get dressed, okay? And make sure she does her homework before you start watching T.V. Oh, and can you manage to get her some dinner? She didn't eat much this morning and I'm sure she'll be hungry. I can give you some money if you need it. Oh, wait, I didn't bring my purse."
"Relax, Slayer," they were back to Slayer again. "I've got some money. I'll make sure Nibblet gets her dinner." Buffy opened her mouth to speak, and Spike quickly added, "And does all her schoolwork."
"Thanks, and don't forget to get her to the Magic Box by 9:00. You're going to stay for the meeting, right?"
"If you want me to, luv."
"Yeah, I do. Maybe after, we can patrol." She saw his eyebrows go up at this comment and hastily said, "Patrol, Spike. Demon slaying. Nothing else."
"You're the boss, Slayer." He tried not to let his disappointment show.
"Okay, I really have to go now. I'll see you later." She turned to leave, but paused at the base of the ladder. Turning to face him, she said, "Thanks, Spike. Thank you for...everything."
Spike smiled at her again, a real smile, and said simply, "My pleasure, pet."
Buffy smiled back. She climbed the ladder and walked out of the crypt without ever realizing that she had forgotten to tell him the Chaos Demon cover story. She had also neglected to collect her tank top and jacket that she had abandoned the night before.
Chapter 7: The Crypt
Spoilers: Begins immediately post-Wrecked, becomes AU after that.
Rating: R for swearing and some sexual situations.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Feedback: Would be highly appreciated. This is my first attempt at fanfic, and I'd like to know how I'm doing. Constructive criticism is welcome.
Distribution: So far, just here. If anyone wants it, just let me know.
Summary: Buffy continues to struggle with her feelings for Spike, and the whole gang tries to help Willow with her abuse of magic.
A/N: I was totally annoyed by the lack of Spike/Dawn interaction in tonight's episode, despite the fact that there were many prime opportunities. Look for some major Spike/Dawn chocolaty goodness to come. Please review, it makes it so much easier to write new stuff!
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After Buffy had dropped Dawn off at school and squared everything away with the attendance office, she decided to drop by Spike's crypt on her way home. She knew that he'd still be sleeping, but she wanted to warn him that Dawn had decided to come over straight from school. Plus, she had to fill him in on the whole Chaos Demon cover story. Dawn was sure to grill him about it, and Buffy wanted to make sure that their stories matched. No need to raise any more suspicion.
She was a little nervous about seeing Spike again, but she really didn't know why. It had absolutely nothing to do with the kiss they had shared the night before, that was for sure. Well, almost nothing. She ran a hand through her tangled hair, wishing that she'd had more time to get ready. She was wearing a pair of running pants and a long-sleeved T-shirt with sneakers. Hell, she hadn't had time to even put on make-up. But then again, why should Buffy care what she looked like? She was only going to see Spike, and that was no big. She'd done it a million times before, and this time was no different. `Except for the kiss.'
Buffy's thoughts immediately flew back to the events of the night before. She touched her mouth again, remembering. That had been their first real kiss. At least, it had been the first one that had had genuine emotion behind it and wasn't fueled by anger or hormones or a blind need to feel something, anything. It had really been quite...sweet. Okay, something was definitely wrong with this picture. Spike and sweet were unmixy things. Kinda like Buffy and driving, or Buffy and alcohol, or Buffy and...damn, she really didn't mix with much. So, Spike's kiss had been sweet, he was probably just trying to ensure that she didn't stake him after his little "I almost bit a girl and drained her dry" confession.
Thinking about how Spike had almost fallen off the people wagon--and right onto some poor girl--made Buffy more than a little uneasy. They would definitely have to talk some more about that issue. Despite his tearful declarations of the night before, she still wasn't sure if she could trust the vampire not to bite. Oops! She was supposed to be treating Spike like a man. Buffy figured that the best way to make sure she treated him like a man was to make sure that she always thought of him as one. Still, old habits die hard.
Before she even knew it, Buffy was standing in front of Spike's crypt. She paused outside the door. Suddenly, she was afraid to go in. No, not afraid, just cautious. She didn't want to take him by surprise and risk ending up on the business end of a stake. She had seen before how wary Spike was of unexpected visitors. It didn't help that most of the demon population in Sunnydale was gunning for him. `Because of me.' Still, she was being stupid. Just open the door and walk inside. `What is the problem here?'
Easing open the door, Buffy stepped inside the dark crypt. She was careful not to let too much sunlight in. Didn't wanna risk any nasty burns. "Spike? Are you awake?" Buffy deliberately kept her voice low. She knew that he wouldn't be awake yet, and some small part of her wanted to watch him sleep, just for a moment. She quietly made her was to the hole in the ground that led to the lower level. "Spike," she called again, peeking into the chasm. Oh well, she would just have to go wake him up.
Buffy hit the floor at the bottom of the ladder and turned to look at her sleeping...what? What the hell was he anyway? Her lover? Well, technically he was, but she would never use that term to describe him. Friend? Sometimes. Buffy couldn't help but think of all the times that she'd gone to him right after she had risen from the dead. At the time, he had seemed to be the only one who didn't want anything from her, didn't need anything from her. He had listened to her talk and kept her secrets. She could tell him anything without worrying how he'd react. Suddenly, Buffy knew exactly what Dawn had been talking about the night before. Buffy had told Spike all of the things that she had been afraid to tell her friends, and she hadn't had to worry how it would affect him. Without bidding, something that Spike had said--or rather, sung--to her on that fateful night, the night this whole big mess had started, came rushing back to her. "Whisper in a dead man's ear, doesn't make it
real." No, but that wasn't it. Buffy refused to believe that it was true. Spike was somehow...comforting. They could sit in silence for hours, and she would feel better just knowing that he was there. She really had been starting to think of him as a friend. That was, until he had told her to stop coming to him. At the time, Buffy had been really hurt by that, but, looking back, she could see his point. It must be hard for Spike to have her so close to him, always crying on his shoulder, but not really *have* her.
Buffy was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of Spike sighing in his sleep. She took a moment to look at him, really look at him. God, he was beautiful. In sleep, Spike's face looked so peaceful and gentle. All traces of his cocky smugness were gone, and all that was left was a thing of beauty. Unconsciously, she took a few steps closer to the bed. Except for the fact that he wasn't breathing, Spike looked just like a regular person, not an evil vampire. No one who stumbled upon this scene could possibly ever think that he was anything other than an extremely handsome man. Buffy smiled wistfully, wishing that that were the case. If only he wasn't a vampire, then things would be so much easier.
Without warning, the silence was broken. "Bloody Hell, Slayer! You gonna stand there all day? Get your cute little arse over here and into my bed."
"Spike!" Buffy hadn't known that he was awake. How long had he been pretending to be asleep?
"Not that this isn't a perfectly lovely wake up call, pet, but it's much to early for us vamps to be up and about. Now, come *on*!" He scooted over a bit in the bed and lifted up the sheet to allow her access. He was naked underneath.
"Spike," Buffy shrieked again, "You're naked!" Quickly, before she could see any more, Buffy spun around so that her back was to him.
"Bloody Hell! Haven't we already gone through this little song and dance, Slayer? There's no need for your little blushing virgin act. You've seen it all before." When Buffy still did not turn around Spike sighed and dropped the sheet back down. "All right, be that way. But I'm not getting up, and I'm certainly not getting dressed, so if you're not here to get in bed with me, then for pity's sake tell me why you *are* here. And make it quick; I need my beauty rest."
"You got that right!" Buffy was trying to act like the whole naked thing didn't bother her, but she didn't have the courage to turn around. After all, she couldn't be tempted by what she couldn't see.
"Come now, you're being ridiculous! Turn around, Slayer, I've got all my naughty bits covered now, I promise." Spike's voice was smooth as silk, and just listening to it made Buffy's stomach do strange things.
"You promise?"
"Bloody Hell!"
"Fine, I'll turn around, but you'd better not be lying, or I'll--"
"Let me guess," Buffy could hear the smirk in his voice, "you'll stake me good and proper. Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before. Sing me a new one, Slayer."
Buffy spun around quickly to face him. Thankfully, he was covered to the waist, but the way he was lounging there with his hands behind his head and that smug look on his face made Buffy want to scream. "Spike, I know that your one joy in life is annoying me, but now is really not the time. I need to talk to you."
The grin immediately flew from Spike's face, and he sat up abruptly. "What is it? Is the Little Bit okay? Did Red do something to her?"
"What? Oh...no...that's not it." Why had she come anyway? Suddenly, Buffy had no idea what she had wanted to talk to him about. "No, Willow didn't do anything to Dawn. She and I had a big fight this morning though."
"Who? You and Dawn?"
"No, me and Willow." Buffy walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, far away from Spike's naked body.
"You don't say. What happened?" Spike relaxed back down onto the bed and rolled on his side to look at her. He was relieved that the Little Bit wasn't in any danger, but he was still concerned.
"Oh, Spike, it was awful. Willow has totally changed. I barely even recognize her anymore. You should have seen her. She looked terrible."
Spike could see that her eyes were beginning to tear up, so he stretched out an arm to gently rub her back. "What happened, luv?"
Buffy turned to look at him. She could see the worry written all over his face. When had this happened? When had Spike turned from some psychotic vampire, whose only real goal in life had been to bag his third Slayer, into this kind and caring *man*? She gave him a little smile of thanks as Spike continued to rub the small of her back. More than anything, she just wanted to lie down in bed and let him wrap his arms around her and hold her until she felt better. But she couldn't. Maybe she shouldn't even be letting him rub her back. She didn't want to give him the wrong idea. Her feelings for him may have softened a bit since last night, but she still didn't think that she should let herself get involved romantically with a vampire. Then again, it felt so good. Why the hell not?
Slowly, she recounted the morning's events. She could feel Spike growing more and more agitated as she went on. When she got to the part about Willow starting to cast a spell on her, Spike shot up to a sitting position once again.
"WHAT? That crazy bint was going to cast a spell on you? She didn't hurt you, did she?"
"Calm down, Spike. No, she didn't hurt me. I don't even know for sure exactly what happened. Dawn said that she saw Willow's eyes go all black and stuff. I don't really know what that means, or even if that's what she really saw, but Dawn seemed to think that it wasn't a good sign."
"She's right. It's not a good sign. I've seen it before. It means that Red was channeling some serious mojo, black stuff."
"What?" Buffy was confused. "How do you know that?"
Spike sighed and flopped back down onto the bed. "Well, for one thing, I've been around for a century and a half, I think I've seen my share of dark magic. For another, I worked side by side with Red all summer, and I've seen her use that stuff more than once."
"But...Willow wouldn't...I mean, Giles has always told us...it's too dangerous." Buffy stammered wildly, trying to come to grips with the fact that Spike seemed to know her best friend better than she did.
"Yes, luv, she would, and as far as your Watcher goes, he was there all along. And, except for that little chewing out he gave Red that night in the kitchen, he never said one word about it."
"What?" Buffy frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"You remember, luv, it was that night when we sat on your back porch. You asked me what I knew about finances and told me all about your money troubles." Buffy was still staring at him blankly as Spike continued to try and jog her memory. Switching from his usual North London drawl to an exaggerated impression of Giles' upper crust accent, he said, "'You rank, arrogant amateur.' Ring any bells, luv?"
As soon as the words came out of Spike's mouth, all sorts of bells went off in Buffy's head. She winced at the memory of that night. Giles had been so upset with Willow for using black magic to bring Buffy back from the dead. At the time, she had been surprised by Giles' anger and a little bit hurt that he seemed to be saying that he wished she had never come back. That pain was intensified by the fact that Buffy herself wished that she had never been brought back. She had her own heaping helping of anger and resentment for Willow regarding that issue.
"I remember," she said softly. "So, that was the only time Giles said something to her? He must have seen this coming. *I* should have seen this coming. I guess I was just too wrapped up in my own problems to notice that Willow was in trouble." The tears were coming again, and Buffy fought to keep them back.
Spike's heart went out to her. "Don't say that, luv. You've had a lot to deal with, and it's completely understandable. Besides, you're not Red's keeper. She's a big girl, and she does what she wants."
"I know. You're right." Buffy smiled weakly and swiped at an errant tear with the back of her hand. "As usual," she added and saw Spike grin. "It's just that I'm a little surprised that Willow is using black magic. Out of all of us, she's always been the most practical."
"Practical," scoffed Spike, "what planet are you living on, and what color is the sky?" Ignoring Buffy's puzzled look, he continued, "Don't you remember that time, after wolf-boy dumped her? She cast that bloody `My Will be Done' spell? If I remember correctly, she made your Watcher go blind and you fall madly in love with yours truly. Come to think of it, that wasn't so bad after all." Buffy groaned and slugged him gently on the shoulder. "Okay, our little `engagement' aside, that was a very dangerous spell, and she did it for a very selfish reason. And, as I seem to recall, Willow suffered no consequences for it, aside from a few batches of cookies and a little detail job on the Watcher's car."
"You're right. She does tend to use magic for selfish reasons. Right before that, she tried to curse Oz in order to get revenge on him for sleeping with Veruka."
"You see? And none of her mates ever called her on it. Just a few weeks ago, she wiped out all of our memories and nearly got us killed in the process. Once again, nobody did anything about it. Well, except for her lover, she at least had the smarts to get the hell out of there." Spike could tell by the look on Buffy's face that talking about that day was still hard for her. He suspected that all of her painful memories coming back all at once must have been almost too much to bear. Still, he needed to make his point. "This time, she's gone way too far. She almost got Nibblet killed! You can't just let her get off with a slap on the wrist and a promise not to do any more magic. It's not enough. She's only going to do it again, and who knows what could happen next time?"
"I know!" snapped Buffy. "I know that I have to do something, but I just don't know what to do. I don't think she's going to listen to me. Hell, I don't even know what to say to her. I tried this morning and failed miserably. Spike, what am I supposed to do?"
Spike reached out to wrap her in a hug. "It's okay, you don't have to do this all by yourself. I'm here for you, and I'll help you in anyway I can. The rest of your mates will too." Spike pulled back to look into her eyes and said, "When are you going to learn that you don't have to shoulder every burden alone? Just because you're the Slayer doesn't mean that you can't ask for help sometimes."
Irritated, Buffy pulled out of his embrace and fixed him with a glare. "Actually, it does. I'm the first Slayer in history to have family and friends. I'm an anomaly. Slayers weren't built for it, and it's what killed me, twice." She noticed the pained look that crossed Spike's face at the mention of her death, but pushed on. "Every single Slayer before me had only her Watcher to rely on, and maybe the Council. But, hey, I don't even have a Watcher anymore, and we all know what the Council has tried to do to me in the past. So, it looks like I'm oh for two, and all that I really have left is me."
"Slayer," Spike tried to break in, but Buffy was having none of it. She was on a roll.
"The whole reason Giles left in the first place is because he wanted me to do this all on my own. He was sick and tired of my coming to him with every problem and relying on him for everything. He was my Watcher, he was supposed to...*watch* me, and train me and help me. I'm pretty sure all that stuff is in the damn Watcher handbook, but he just didn't feel like doing it anymore, so he left."
"Slayer."
Buffy's head snapped up sharply. "Why do you always call me Slayer? I don't go around calling you `Vampire.' I have a name, you know. It's Buffy."
Spike was surprised by the question. "I don't know, luv. I guess it's just that, well, calling you Buffy just seems so...intimate...and I don't think you're ready to...relate...to me on that level."
"Oh, I see. So, calling me by my first name is too intimate, but fucking me up against a wall in an abandoned house isn't? Jeez Spike, I'd like to see your definition of intimate!"
"Now Pet, don't be like that. I'm talking about two completely different things." He reached out to place his hand lightly on the crotch of Buffy's running pants, and she shivered at his touch. "You may have let me in here," he squeezed gently for emphasis, making her shudder, "but you haven't let me in here," he moved his hand up to her left breast, somewhere in the general vicinity of her heart, and smiled as he felt Buffy's nipple grow hard. Before she could get too excited, he moved the hand up to lightly graze her temple, "Or here. Buffy, you may have granted me access to your body, but you have yet to let me into your heart and mind. Why, I'd wager that you are still denying to yourself that you have any feelings for me at all."
The hand moved from Buffy's temple and immediately lost itself in her hair. Somehow, Spike's other hand had settled on her upper arm, but Buffy had no idea how or when it had gotten there. His nearness was intoxicating, and her head was swimming. All she wanted was to forget all of her problems and lose herself in him. Breathless, she wet her lips slightly and said, "Spike." It was almost a moan. With agonizing slowness, Spike moved his lips closer to hers, and Buffy parted her own in anticipation. Just was she was sure that a kiss was eminent, Spike spoke again.
"I guess you could say that my calling you Slayer all the time is just my own little defense mechanism. Kinda like your incessant denial. Gives me a little distance and keeps me from getting hurt too badly. But, I have to say, it doesn't always work." Spike let out a little chuckle when he saw the look in Buffy's eyes change from lust to disappointment. "Oh, I'm sorry, luv. Were you hoping for this?" Finally, he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to hers.
The spark was instantaneous. It began where their lips met and coursed throughout Buffy's entire body. The electricity was overwhelming, and she gasped at the sensation. Buffy had been expecting the kiss, had been longing for it really, but she had not been prepared for this. This heat, this fire consumed her, and she was drowning in it and burning up all at once. Without consciously summoning them, crazed thoughts flew into her spinning head. `I'm drowning in you, Summers.' No, it was she that was drowning. `I want the fire back.' But she had found it. Her fire lay here, in the gentle lips and searing touch of her former mortal enemy. `This isn't real; I just want to feel.' Was it real? Could anything that felt this incredibly wonderful, and so utterly sinful at the same time, possibly ever be real? Buffy had no answers. She had only this feeling, and, at the moment, it was all she wanted.
Buffy heard him murmur her name, her real name this time, and her eyes flew open (when had she closed them?). She was met with the sight of Spike's beautiful blue eyes locked onto hers. Again, he whispered her name, and she felt tears spring to her eyes. That look, his eyes. It was so intense, like nothing she had ever seen. His eyes were burning into her, peering into her very soul. There were so many emotions there that Buffy had a hard time discerning one from another. She looked into his eyes--the eyes of an evil, soulless killer--and saw love, desire, longing and...what was that...pain. It was too much. She couldn't look any longer, so Buffy lunged to hold him tightly. Her chin was over his shoulder, and her hands continued to dance over the smooth planes of his back. If she could look into his eyes and see all of those things, what was he seeing in hers? She suddenly felt so vulnerable, so naked.
Spike was panting. He didn't need to breathe, but she made him forget that. He held her tightly and gasped like a man drowning. `I'm drowning in you, Summers.' Spike had known the exact moment when he had finally penetrated her, had finally poked a hole in the ironclad fortress around her heart. He knew that it scared her, but right now he didn't care. He had seen it in her eyes. Yes, there was something there. She did feel something for him. Maybe not love, not yet, but it was there nonetheless. His unbeating heart sang at the possibility, not so farfetched now, that she might someday return his love.
Despite the happiness washing over him now, Spike was not stupid. He knew that the little bit of herself Buffy had just given him would be too much for her. He knew that she would probably get up and run out, or maybe start hurling insults at him again. It didn't matter. He'd had a small victory, and it was really all he needed right now. After all, he wasn't getting any older, and he could wait as long as was needed.
Spike had known it was coming, but he was still a little surprised when Buffy pulled out of his arms to look up at him. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, and he couldn't help but smile at her beauty. Being with her was probably as close to heaven as a vampire like him would ever get. His eyes traveled over her face, memorizing every single detail so that he might never forget the vision that was Buffy.
"Spike," the word was barely a whisper, and her voice broke slightly over the single syllable.
He smiled again, almost sadly, and reached out to brush a lock of hair out of her wide hazel eyes. "Shh, luv, it's okay."
"Spike, I--"
"I know, luv. I know." He was waiting for her to get up and run for the door. Any minute now. It was a kind of sweet torture, wishing she would stay, knowing she would leave, just waiting for her to do something.
"Spike, will you hold me?"
It was definitely not the reaction he had been expecting, but it was better than he could ever have imagined. His voice nearly failed him, but he managed to say, "Always," before sinking back down onto the bed, pulling her gently with him. Spike lay on his back, cradling Buffy in his strong arms. She rested her head on his chest, tucked under his chin, and flung one leg over his. Her free arm wrapped around his torso, and her grip was strong.
They stayed that way for what must have been hours. Neither one speaking and barely moving. Once in a while, he would plant a soft kiss on the top of her head. Occasionally, she would draw lazy circles on his chest with a tip of her nail, and sometimes his hand would trace delicate patterns on the small of her back. From time to time, Buffy would cry silently; the tears pooling on his chest and matting her hair with their wetness. When she cried, he would merely hold her more tightly. There were no words of comfort; words would only get in the way. They both just took the time to enjoy whatever was steadily growing between them. At times, weariness would overtake them, and they would sleep, separately or together.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Buffy pulled herself from his arms and sat up. Spike had been sleeping, but the loss of contact brought him awake with a start. "What's wrong, luv?" His voice was thick with sleep, and Buffy had never heard anything sexier.
"Nothing's wrong. It's getting late, that's all. Do you have any idea what time it is?" Her stomach was growling like Oz on a full moon. She hadn't eaten anything all day.
Spike stretched and sat up. "Dunno." He took a deep breath, sniffing the air. "Feels like it must be about 2:00, maybe 2:30."
"Oh my God! Dawn!" How had the time slipped away so quickly?
"What? Where?" Spike was almost comical in his confusion.
"She's coming here straight from school. I gotta get out of here! If she catches us...I gotta go." Buffy stood up and began hunting for the shoes she had kicked off earlier.
"You know, Buffy," her name again. It made Buffy's heart flutter to hear her name on his lips. "If Little Bit did catch us, she'd probably be happy about it. She likes me, you know. One of the select few who do."
Buffy smiled. "I know, Spike. She does like you. Actually, I was meaning to talk to you about that."
"Hey! No!" Spike's voice rose alarmingly. "There's nothing going on there. At least, nothing...you know...perverted or anything. I love her like my own sis."
She laughed. "Spike! I didn't...how could you think...that I would..." Suddenly, she was hit with a visual. "Ew! Spike!"
Spike looked majorly chagrinned. "Oh, that's not what you meant, then?"
"No! What are you, Chester the Molester?" Buffy laughed again, and then was serious. "What I wanted to say was...well, I wanted to thank you for being so good to Dawn. She really likes hanging out with you, and I think it's good for her."
Spike raised his scarred eyebrow. "You do?"
"Yeah, we had a long talk about you last night. You've really helped her, you know, with the whole key thing and with my being gone. I know that you took very good care of her when I couldn't be here. You kept your promise to me, and I'm grateful to you for that." Suddenly, Buffy was a little embarrassed from all that she had told him. "So, anyways, I just wanted to, you know, thank...you."
Spike was smiling from ear to ear. Nothing she had ever said to him had made his half as happy as he was now. "The Bit told you all that?"
"Yeah, she did. In fact, she was gushing about you so much that I nearly puked! I think she might have a tiny crush on you."
The wide smile quickly transformed into his trademark smirk. "Who could blame her, really? I'm quite a handsome bloke, if I do say so myself. Devilishly handsome, in fact.'
Buffy groaned at his arrogance. "Please! Like you even remember what you look like!"
"True, but the ladies just love Spike. What can I say? I've got animal magnetism!"
"You're an animal alright! Listen, I gotta go. She'll be here soon. Do me a favor and get dressed, okay? And make sure she does her homework before you start watching T.V. Oh, and can you manage to get her some dinner? She didn't eat much this morning and I'm sure she'll be hungry. I can give you some money if you need it. Oh, wait, I didn't bring my purse."
"Relax, Slayer," they were back to Slayer again. "I've got some money. I'll make sure Nibblet gets her dinner." Buffy opened her mouth to speak, and Spike quickly added, "And does all her schoolwork."
"Thanks, and don't forget to get her to the Magic Box by 9:00. You're going to stay for the meeting, right?"
"If you want me to, luv."
"Yeah, I do. Maybe after, we can patrol." She saw his eyebrows go up at this comment and hastily said, "Patrol, Spike. Demon slaying. Nothing else."
"You're the boss, Slayer." He tried not to let his disappointment show.
"Okay, I really have to go now. I'll see you later." She turned to leave, but paused at the base of the ladder. Turning to face him, she said, "Thanks, Spike. Thank you for...everything."
Spike smiled at her again, a real smile, and said simply, "My pleasure, pet."
Buffy smiled back. She climbed the ladder and walked out of the crypt without ever realizing that she had forgotten to tell him the Chaos Demon cover story. She had also neglected to collect her tank top and jacket that she had abandoned the night before.