If Not Wisely
Chapter 9: Questions
Spoilers: Begins immediately post-Wrecked, becomes AU after that.
Rating: R for swearing and some sexual situations.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Feedback: Would be highly appreciated. This is my first attempt at fanfic, and I'd like to know how I'm doing. Constructive criticism is welcome.
Distribution: So far, just here. If anyone wants it, just let me know.
Summary: Buffy continues to struggle with her feelings for Spike, and the whole gang tries to help Willow with her abuse of magic.
A/N: Thanks to everyone who has sent feedback, especially Bella. I am so glad that people are actually enjoying this, because I'm having a lot of fun writing it. If you read this and like it, please let me know. If you absolutely hate it, please tell me why. Thanks!
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Buffy arrived at the Magic Box a half hour before the others were due to show up. She was hoping that Xander would be there, and that they might have a chance to talk. She really wanted to ask him what he thought of Anya's former life as a vengeance demon. Buffy knew that there were more important matters at hand, but she had been thinking about the parallels between Anya and Spike all afternoon. Hopefully, talking to Xander would help her clear things up a bit.
When Buffy entered the shop, Xander was the first thing she saw. He was sitting at the research table near the back, flipping through an X-Men comic. He looked up as Buffy came in., "Hey Buff! How goes it?"
"What can I say, Xander, it could go better, but it could also go a lot worse."
Xander gave a little chuckle. " I hear ya." He looked down at his watch and said, "Hey, aren't you a little early?"
Buffy walked over to the table and sat down in the chair next to Xander. "Yeah, I am. I kinda wanted to talk to you before everyone else got here."
Xander raised his eyebrows and gave her a goofy grin. "Me? You wanted to talk to me? Don't I feel special."
Buffy let out an obligatory laugh at his little "Who me?" routine, but then got serious. "Yes, you. It's, uh, kinda important."
Xander lost his grin, "I know. About Willow, right?"
Buffy was a little embarrassed. Duh, of course she should be talking about Willow right now, not trying to prove whether or not Spike was evil. "No, um, actually—"
"Hey," Xander interrupted, "How's Dawn? Is her arm okay? For that matter, where's Dawn?"
"Dawn? Oh, she's fine. She's with Spike. They're watching cheesy teenage soap operas in his crypt. But, what I actually wanted to talk to you about was—"
"Spike!" cried Xander. "She's hanging out with Spike? And this is okay with you?"
Buffy was a little surprised by Xander's reaction. "Why wouldn't it be okay with me?" she asked. "I mean, it's not like he can hurt her or anything. Besides, they're kind of friends, or something."
"Yeah, but, Buffy, do you really want your kid sister hanging out with Evil Dead? It can't be good for her."
"I dunno," said Buffy, "from what Dawn told me last night it seems like hanging out with Spike is good for her. Come on, how many times did you guys have Spike on Dawn duty while I was busy being a corpse? If you guys trusted him enough to take care of her then, then why should it be any different now?"
Xander flinched at Buffy's offhand reference to being dead. Even after all this time, he still didn't like to think about it. He preferred to pretend that Buffy had merely been out of town or something. Buffy was looking at him accusingly, and Xander decided that it wasn't worth it to argue with her. Holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender, he said, "Okay, okay, truce? If it's cool with you, then it's cool with me."
Buffy smiled at him, relieved that they wouldn't be getting into an argument. What she was planning on saying to him would probably make Xander mad, so there was no point in having him pissed off right out of the gate. "Thanks, Xan. Really, it's no big. It makes Dawn happy to hang out with Spike, and I want Dawn to be happy." She took a deep breath and plunged ahead with her original purpose. "Okay, but I really wanted to talk to you about Anya."
"Oh God," Xander groaned. "Did she say something really rude and inappropriate? 'Cause we're working on it, but these things take time," he said with another grin.
"No, no it's not that." Buffy looked over her shoulder and saw that Anya was busy helping a customer. Lowering her voice a bit, she leaned in and said, "I wanted to ask you what you thought about her past. You know, the whole demon thing?"
Xander looked confused. "What brought this about?"
Buffy stole another quick look at Anya. She seemed to be wrapping up her sale. Buffy stood up and grabbed Xander's arm. "Come on, let's go back to the training room. I don't want her to hear."
As Xander followed her into the back room, he called out to Anya that he was going to help Buffy train. She dismissed him with a small wave of her hand and an, "Uh huh." Almost as an afterthought, Anya shouted after them, "Don't hurt him, Buffy!"
Xander walked into to the training room and said, "Okay, Buff, what's with all the secrecy, and why do you suddenly wanna know all about Anya's past?"
Buffy groaned. "I don't want to know about her past per se, just how you feel about it," she said, somewhat impatiently.
Xander was still looked confused. "Again with the why? You're really not making any sense."
Buffy let out a small sigh and sank down onto the couch, motioning for Xander to join her. When they were both seated, she said, "Okay, here's the deal. Last night, Anya, Spike and I had a conversation about Willow. Spike and Anya brought up some stuff that just got me thinking."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Um, just stuff about power. Like how Willow must be feeling a real sense of power from her magic and that it's doubtful that she's just going to give it up without a fight."
"What does that have to do with Anya?" Xander asked.
"Well, it's just that Anya made some comments that made me wonder," said Buffy with a hint of apprehension in her voice. She knew that she was treading a fine line, and she didn't want to risk upsetting Xander.
Xander was starting to get curious. "What did she say?"
Buffy gave him an abbreviated version of Anya's comments from the night before, making sure to end with the fact that Anya had stated that she felt like she was much better off now. "So, basically, it just got me to thinking. I mean, Anya's human now, and I've never really thought much about all the stuff she did while she was a demon. I got to wondering if you ever thought about it."
Xander still didn't really understand where Buffy was going with this. He wasn't entirely sure what to say. "Sure, I think about it once in a while. Sometimes, I get a little weirded by the idea that my fiancée used to be a demon, but it's not that big of a deal. This is the Hellmouth, after all."
"Not that big of a deal!" Buffy was shocked by his nonchalance. "Xander, how can you say that? For over a thousand years, she killed and maimed God knows how many men. She cursed people and destroyed lives. That's kind of a big deal."
"Whoa, Buff, calm down," Xander said. "Okay, so I never really thought about that part of it, but, still, that's all in the past. It's not like she does that kind of stuff any more. She's human now."
"Yeah, it's in the past, but does that mean that we're all just supposed to forget about it?" asked Buffy. "She doesn't do that stuff anymore because she can't. Who's to say that, if she got her powers back tomorrow, she wouldn't do it again?"
"She wouldn't," replied Xander.
"But how do you know? How can you be sure?" Buffy wasn't letting up. She wanted answers, and she was determined to get them.
"I just know!" snapped Xander. "Look, Anya's good now. She's human, and she helps us. She's not evil anymore."
Buffy sighed. "Look, Xander, I'm not attacking Anya. I'm just trying to understand a few things, so please don't get mad." She looked at him pleadingly, and he seemed to calm down a bit. "Okay," she continued, "you said that Anya helps us, and that's true. Have you ever really thought about why she helps up? I kinda get that feeling that she only does it because she doesn't want anything bad to happen to you, or to the rest of us because you care about us. I mean, it's not like she really cares about being good for good's sake. She's kinda just looking out for her own."
Xander frowned, considering. "Yeah," he began slowly, "but isn't that kind of how everyone is? Nobody really cares that much about complete strangers. People care about their friends and family above anyone else, that's just the way it is."
Buffy pondered this for a moment. She had never thought about it that way. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm kinda the only one who has to worry about saving the whole world, and even I fight a little harder if one of you guys or Dawn is in danger." She gave a little smile and thought about it some more. She tried to apply her newfound discovery to Spike. Okay, so his actions sometimes seemed selfishly motivated, but almost everyone's were. "Thanks, Xan. You've helped me realize something."
"So," said Xander, hoping that this conversation was over, "feel better now?"
"A little," replied Buffy. "But I still have one more question that I want to ask you. It's kind of a biggie, so be warned."
"Consider me warned."
"Okay, here goes. Do you think Anya has a soul?" Buffy asked nervously.
"What?" shrieked Xander. "Of course she has a soul! Why wouldn't she? She's human."
"Well, it's just that it's never really been proven," she said. "Just because her body was turned back to her original human state doesn't necessarily mean that she got her soul back with it." Buffy could see that Xander looked skeptical, so she decided to go for broke. "Consider this, when Angel got his soul back, he was consumed with guilt because of all the people he'd killed. Anya doesn't seem the least bit sorry about all the damage she's done. In fact, she almost seems proud of it. She's always telling us stories about the men she tortured like it was nothing. Her lack of guilt over the whole thing just makes me wonder whether or not she even has a soul. Shouldn't the two go hand in hand?"
Xander was starting to get really mad at Buffy for bringing up all this stuff that he'd rather not think about. Why couldn't Buffy just accept that Anya was different now, and that she shouldn't be held accountable for all of the things she had done as a demon? It's not like she'd had any control over them, she had been a demon, after all. He decided to let Buffy know how much this entire conversation was pissing him off. He knew that the rest of the gang didn't really like Anya all that much, but this was going too far.
"Buffy, for someone that claims she's not attacking Anya, this sounds an awful lot like an attack."
"No!" exclaimed Buffy. "Xan, no, it's not an attack, really. I've just been thinking a lot lately, and I started wondering if maybe everything is not so black and white. I mean, there's gotta be some gray in there somewhere."
"Buffy, where are you going with this?" Xander demanded. "Why are you bringing all of this up now? Is it just because of what Anya said about power?"
"Kind of, but not entirely." She took a deep breath and felt fear creep in over what she was about to say. "I just sorta noticed how much Anya and Spike are alike," she said quickly before she could chicken out.
"What?" screeched Xander. "How can you say that? Spike is a soulless monster, an evil killer! Anya is not like that!" He made a move to get up, his face flushed red with anger.
Buffy put a hand on Xander's arm to stop him. "Please, Xander, just hear me out, okay? I'm not trying to say that Anya is an evil killer, please believe me. I guess, what I'm trying to say is that Spike isn't really any of those things either, not anymore."
Xander snorted in disbelief. "We are talking about the same Spike here, right?" he asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Bleach blond hair? Leather jacket? Bad attitude? VAMPIRE? That Spike? Gee, I'm sorry, Buffy, I didn't realize that vampires were taken off the evil killers list. Must not have gotten the memo!"
Buffy was starting to get a little pissed off at Xander's attitude. For God's sake, this was the same man who was marrying a former vengeance demon! She'd had more than enough of his holier-than-thou routine. "Whatever, Xander!" she cried. "If Spike's so freaking evil and such a dangerous killer, then why did you and the rest of the gang trust him alone with Dawn?" Xander sputtered, but had no response. "That's not even the point here. If you would just listen to me for one second without flying off the handle, maybe it will start to make sense."
"Fine," replied Xander tersely, "I'm listening. Make with the sense-making."
"Okay," said Buffy, "here's my point. Spike hasn't killed anything except demons in over two years, so he's really not even a killer anymore. Plus, when's the last time he did anything that you could honestly call evil? Add to that the fact that he has risked his life for Dawn and me, withstood the torture of a hell god just to protect Dawn, and he helped you guys patrol all summer long." Buffy paused, why was she suddenly singing Spike's praises? That hadn't been her intention at all when she had started this conversation.
Xander took advantage of Buffy's momentary pause and jumped in. "Buffy, you know damn well that the only reason Spike doesn't kill humans is because he can't. The chip stops him."
"No, we don't know that," said Buffy. "If you're going to stick to that reasoning and ignore all of the changes that Spike has made in the past couple of years, then you might as well say that the only reason Anya doesn't kill humans is because her powers were taken away." Xander tried to jump in again, but Buffy wouldn't let him. "I'm not saying that I think that's true. I'm just pointing out the fact that Anya and Spike are in pretty similar situations, and I'm wondering why we can all accept Anya for what she is now—for God's sake, you're going to marry her even—but no one is willing to give Spike the benefit of the doubt."
"But Spike was a killer. He killed so many people."
"Yeah, and so did Anya. Spike killed people for over a hundred years, but Anya was killing for over a thousand, yet she is completely absolved of it all," countered Buffy.
"Buffy," said Xander, "Spike has tried to kill us all on numerous occasions, in case you forgot."
Buffy sighed heavily. "Xander, do you remember Cordy's wish?" said asked quietly. "Do you remember what happened when Anya granted it? She created a whole alternate universe in which I had never come to Sunnydale. Xander, Anya did kill us all. Thankfully, Giles was able to reverse it, but the fact remains that Anya's actions resulted in most of our deaths, me, you, Willow, Cordy, Oz, all of us."
Xander felt sick to his stomach. He couldn't believe that his best friend was saying all of these horrible things about the woman he loved. Somewhere in the back of his mind, in a tiny corner that he refused to look into, he knew that what Buffy had said was true. Still, he refused to think about it. Anya was good, and Spike was bad, simple as that. He climbed shakily to his feet, glaring down at Buffy. "That's it!" he shouted. "I am not going to sit here and listen to any more of this shit! I know that you're not that crazy about Anya, but you've gone too far this time. This conversation if officially over!" With that, he turned of his heel and stomped out of the training room.
Buffy watched sadly as he left. She had not meant for things to turn out this way, and she truly felt horrible for upsetting Xander. Even worse, she still had none of the answers that she had been looking for. She certainly didn't know why she had been defending Spike so vehemently all of a sudden. Buffy sat there for a few minutes, lost in thought, before getting up to join the others. She fully intended on apologizing to Xander for upsetting him, but she didn't think that she could bring herself to apologize for the way she felt. Hopefully, Xander would forgive her, and this would all blow over quickly.
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Buffy emerged from the training room just in time to see her sister and Spike walk through the door. They were laughing and bickering playfully with each other. Buffy's heart almost skipped a beat at the sight of him. He looked so normal joking with her sister, his eyes lit up with laughter, that for a moment Buffy just wanted to say, "Fuck it all" and give into her growing feelings for him. Still, she couldn't. She wasn't ready, and she really needed to stop letting Spike affect her this way.
"Oh please," Spike was saying, "Joey is totally in denial! Of course she's brassed off that Dawson shagged Jen. Why wouldn't she be, he's the love of her life?"
"Whatever!" said Dawn. "That was like a million years ago. I am so over the whole Joey and Dawson thing. I'm glad he's moving on. Besides, I really want Joey and Pacey to get back together. They are so right for each other." Dawn smiled dreamily at the thought.
"Are you daft?" exclaimed Spike. "Joey never really loved Pacey." Suddenly, he noticed Buffy standing by the sales counter and added, "He was just convenient."
Buffy knew that Spike's remark had been directed towards her, but before she could even react, Xander spoke up. "Oh goody, Spike's here," he said acidly. Xander had gone back to his former place at the research table and was angrily turning the pages of his comic book.
Spike tore his eyes off Buffy to smirk at Xander. "Nice to see you too, Harris, you nit."
Dawn rolled her eyes and went over to set her backpack down on the table. "Now boys, play nice. Don't make me pull this car over." Her comment drew a smile from Spike and a surly pout from Xander.
"Got something for ya, Slayer," Spike said as he tossed a brown paper bag in her direction.
Buffy managed to catch the bag a split second before it hit her in the face. "What's this," she asked, "some kind of present?"
"Hardly," scoffed Spike. "It's your bleeding clothes, luv, the ones you left in my crypt."
Xander caught Spike's comment and the implication behind it. "Clothes? Buffy why are you taking your clothes off in Spike's crypt? What's going on?"
Buffy was stunned. She didn't know what to say. All she could do was stand there, clutching the rumpled bag and flushing with embarrassment. She opened her mouth once, but no sound came out.
Spike, on the other hand, was enjoying every second of it. He cocked his head to the side and said, "What's that? You didn't tell your mates what happened, then?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively and couldn't help but grin at Buffy's obvious discomfort.
"What?" squeaked Buffy. "Tell them? No, I—"
"Well then, by all means, allow me," said Spike.
There was a tone in his voice that made Buffy very uneasy. She glared daggers at him, hoping that he would shut his mouth before it was too late. Desperately, she looked over at her sister, hoping that Dawn might back her up on the whole demon-slayage story. Unfortunately, Dawn just stood there with a wicked grin and an evil gleam in her eye. So much for sister solidarity. Before Buffy even knew what happened, Spike was at her side and had draped an arm casually around her shoulder. She tried to shrug him off, but his grip was tight.
"So, you see, the Slayer and I had ourselves a little…slaying mishap," said Spike.
Upon hearing his words, Buffy let out a breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She'd thought for sure that Spike was going to spill the beans, but it seemed like he was just torturing her for the fun of it. Xander and Anya were staring at her strangely, so Buffy decided that she had better say something quick. "Um, yeah, slaying." Great, Buffy, that was brilliant. No room for suspicion there.
"You do have quite the way with words, luv." Spike moved his hand from Buffy's shoulder and slowly trailed it down her arm before letting it settle on her waist. He pulled her tightly against his side, taking note of the brief shiver that passed through her, as well as her accelerated heartbeat. "Tell them about the demon we killed, pet. What kind of demon was that again?"
Buffy scowled up at him and tried to move out of his embrace. What the hell was he doing? "Well, Spike, I think it was a…a…Chaos Demon?" It came out as more of a question than a statement of fact. Buffy wasn't entirely sure what she had told Dawn the night before. Finally, she managed to struggle out of his arms, her face burning with embarrassment. She moved a few steps away and crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at Spike.
Spike chuckled. "That it was, luv. So, don't be shy, tell them what happened. I'm sure the whelp over here is just dying of suspense."
"Shut up, Spike," snapped Xander. "Buffy, what in the holy hell is going on here?"
"Are you two boinking?" asked Anya.
Dawn laughed and muttered under her breath, "That's what I'd like to know."
"No!" shouted Buffy. "Anya, I am not boinking Spike!"
"Thank God for that," said Xander, "I was starting to worry."
"I can't believe you guys would think that!" If possible, Buffy's face was even redder than before. "Listen, it's not like that. Spike and I were patrolling last night and we came across this big nasty demon. It slimed me, I killed it, and Spike lent me a shirt to wear home. That's it! End of story. No boinking whatsoever! Spike, tell them!"
"The Slayer speaks the truth," said Spike. He walked over to Buffy and wrapped an arm around her once again. "I can assure you that absolutely no boinking took place—last night." Spike stared hungrily down at her and planted a quick kiss on top of her head before adding, "Or any night. Isn't that right luv?"
Seething with rage, Buffy reached out and pinched Spike viciously in the side, causing him to cry out and drop his arm. She smirked at him victoriously and said, "That's right!" Just as Buffy was preparing to turn and stalk away, Dawn piped up.
"So, Buffy, did the demon slime you before or after you fell in the puddle?"
"P-puddle?" stammered Buffy. She quickly turned to look at Spike, silently pleading for help, but he was merely smirking at her. "W-what puddle?"
"Come now, Slayer, I know you're embarrassed at your clumsiness and all, but I already told Little Bit about your swan dive into the giant puddle." Spike looked pointedly at Buffy, hoping that she would be able to get the drift.
"Oh," said Buffy, finally catching on, "that puddle! Oh, I almost forgot about it with the slime and all. Yeah, silly me, always the klutz. I fell right into the damn thing."
"Yes," said Dawn, "but was it before or after you got slimed?"
"Before, of course, because that's really the only way that makes…sense." Buffy didn't like the way that Dawn was looking at her. It was almost as if the girl knew something. But, that would be impossible, wouldn't it? There was no way that Dawn could know, not unless—"Spike! Training room. NOW!" Buffy spun on her heel and stomped angrily toward the training room. Halfway there, she looked over her shoulder, only to see that Spike had not moved an inch. "SPIKE!" she screamed again, "If you don't get over here right this minute, you'll be going home in an ashtray!"
Spike gave one last smirk to the rest of the group before turning to follow Buffy. As he made his way to the back of the shop, he could hear Dawn laughing. He had to hand it to that one; she was much sharper than her big sister.
Xander watched Spike go with a confused look on his face. He turned to look at Anya, who had gone back behind the sales counter. "What the hell was that?"
Anya looked up surprised. "Oh, I think they're boinking. Pretty obvious, really."
Xander was shocked. "Anya, don't say that! That can't be true! Oh, God, please say it's not true."
"What if they were?" asked Dawn. "Would it really be that big of a deal? They're both adults, and they can make their own choices."
"Dawnie," replied Xander, he had on his "you're just a stupid kid" voice. "It would be a big deal because Spike is a vampire. I know that he's your friend, but vampires are evil. It would be a big mistake for Buffy to get involved with him. Don't you remember what happened last time?"
"I remember, Xander. But this is different; Spike is not Angel. They are too completely different people, and you can't go around comparing them just because they both happen to be vampires. I like Spike, way better than Angel, and I think he's good for Buffy. If those two ever hooked up—and as far as I know, they haven't—I would be happy about it." Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and stared defiantly at Xander.
"Yeah, Xander," chimed in Anya, "why do you care who Buffy dates, as long as she's happy? Besides, I like Spike, too. I feel a certain kinship with him. He took me to a party once, you know; that time when I was mad at you and those ghostie things were attacking everyone. We had a pretty good time together. Plus, he's totally hot!"
Xander groaned. "Oh, I see, you're all ganging up on me now. Is that it? Am I the only one who remembers that the guy has fangs?" He looked from one girl to the other, but they were both ignoring him.
"He is pretty hot, isn't he?" said Dawn.
"Oh, yeah. Have you seen his arms? Way sexy."
"Definitely! And those eyes?"
Dawn and Anya continued to rhapsodize about the virtues of Spike, while Xander began to lightly beat this head against the table. Would his suffering never end?
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In the training room, Buffy was busy shooting stakes at Spike with her eyes. She couldn't believe that he would be so obvious about their current situation in front of her friends. What the hell was he thinking?
"Well, Slayer, what's got your knickers in a twist this time?"
"Spike! What the hell do you think you're doing? That was stupid, even for you."
"Come on, Slayer," said Spike, "I was just havin' a spot of fun. You forgot to fill me in on the whole Chaos Demon cover story, you know."
Buffy sighed. "I know, but you didn't have to be so obvious about it. They're gonna figure it out!"
"Really? And would that be so bad?" he asked with a teasing smile.
"Of course it would be bad! It would be beyond bad. It would be…well, whatever's worse than bad!"
Spike's smile turned to a scowl. "So, you're ashamed of me, then?"
Buffy had no answer; she just stared at him. What was she supposed to say? If she told him that she was ashamed, it would only make him mad, but if she told him that she wasn't ashamed, then he might very well insist that they come out to the whole gang. No way in hell was she letting that happen.
Spike took a few steps closer, until he was right of top of her. "Or, is it that you're ashamed of yourself? Feeling guilty about rolling in the dirt with a big, bad vampire? That it, luv? Do you feel all dirty? Don't want your mates to find out what kind of a girl you really are?" They were standing so close that Spike could feel Buffy's warm breath on his face. He stared straight into her eyes with an unwavering gaze.
Buffy felt her face grow hot and purposely looked away. As usual, Spike had managed to hit the nail right on the head. She was ashamed, and she did feel dirty. She also felt very turned on by the low, sexy tone in his voice, and by his close proximity. Why did he have this effect on her?
"Come on, luv. Do you really think that they're never going to find out? Please, I know that they're a pretty thick lot, but even the Nibblet's figured it out already. It won't be long before the rest of them do."
"What!" shrieked Buffy. "You told Dawn about us? Spike, how could you?"
"Bloody Hell, Slayer! No, I didn't tell the Little Bit. She figured it out for herself. She's not stupid, you know. As soon as she realized out that our stories didn't match up, she knew." Spike let out a little chuckle. "Little chit even asked me if we were having casual sex!"
Buffy groaned. "Spike, I can't believe you! You just admitted to it? You're a vampire, you're supposed to lie!"
Spike looked at her sternly. "Poor thing's been lied to enough, don't you think? Look, Slayer, she's a big girl now, same age as you when you were called. She doesn't need to be sheltered from the facts of life. She's not a little kid anymore. Relax, I didn't admit to anything. I just told her that whatever happened was between you and me, and that she had to ask you if she wanted to know any more. For Christ's sake, she thought I was your boyfriend!"
"Like that would ever happen," snapped Buffy. She immediately felt guilty when she saw the hurt in Spike's eyes.
"That's right," he said coldly, "because I'm beneath you, aren't I? I'm just convenient whenever you've got an itch you can't scratch. Save your breath, Slayer, I've head it all before." He glared at her accusingly. "I know that you would never stoop to being with the likes of me, and I don't need to hear it yet again." With that, he turned quickly around, duster flying, and stormed out of the room.
Buffy stared after him sadly. She hadn't meant to hurt Spike's feelings. She had just been wigged about the prospect of her friends finding out. "Fuck!" she muttered as she walked over to the punching bag. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," she continued as she rained punches down upon it. Buffy wished that she could take back everything she'd said, but it was too late. Who would have thought that a vampire could be so thin-skinned? For being an evil creature of the night, Spike was really quite sensitive. With one last curse, she hit the bag with a solid roundhouse kick, sending swinging wildly. She heard the shop's bell ring and realized that Tara must have arrived. Oh well, first thing's first. She could make things right with Spike later. Sighing dejectedly, she walked out of the room to start the meeting.