If Not Wisely

Chapter 14:  The Bronze

Spoilers:  Begins immediately post-Wrecked, becomes AU after that.

Rating:  R for swearing and some sexual situations.

Disclaimer:  Not mine.

Feedback:  Would be highly appreciated.  This is my first attempt at fanfic, and I'd like to know how I'm doing.  Constructive criticism is welcome.

Distribution:  So far, just here.  If anyone wants it, just let me know.

Summary:  Buffy continues to struggle with her feelings for Spike, and the whole gang tries to help Willow with her abuse of magic.

A/N:  Hot of the presses, a little Spike and Xander bonding for ya!  I'm going to be out of town this weekend, so no new stuff for a couple of days.  Hopefully, this will tide you over.  Please review and let me know if you like it.  If you absolutely hate it, let me know why.  Thanks!

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The bartender at the Bronze set a pint of Bass and a shot of Jack Daniels on the bar in front of Spike.  "Thanks, mate."  The bartender just nodded and took a couple of bills off the stack left over from the previous three rounds.  Spike eyed his remaining money warily.  There wasn't much left, so it looked like he might have to hustle some pool if he wanted to keep his drink on.  With a sigh, he picked up the shot and downed it in a single gulp.  He took a cigarette from his pack and grimaced when he noticed that they were almost gone.  Would nothing go right for him?

Spike had woken up in a foul mood that afternoon, and with one hell of a hangover.  He'd cursed the Slayer for driving him to drink.  Not that Spike really needed anyone to drive him to drink, but it made him feel better to blame it on her.  To make matters worse, he'd spent the whole day obsessing over the strange dream he'd had.  He'd actually dug out his old and battered copy of The Collected Works of William Shakespeare and reread all of Romeo and Juliet looking for insight.  Rather than gaining any insight into his crazy dream, he had only ended up crying over the doomed lovers.  This had only served to intensify his worries that he and Buffy would never be happy together.  Hence, the drinking.  Spike didn't think he could stand another night of heavy brooding, so he'd just decided to get completely pissed.

When Dawn had shown up after school, Spike hadn't much been in the mood for company.  He was tempted to cancel their tutoring session, but he hated to let the Bit down.  So, he'd bravely withstood her interrogation regarding the events of the previous night, helped her get through all of Act II, and watched her devour the remaining Fritos.  For such a skinny little thing, that girl sure could eat.  Dawn had been immensely disappointed not to get any dirt from Spike, and he had been pretty darn proud of himself for managing to keep last night's shagging a secret.  He could also tell that his straight-to-business attitude had left Dawn feeling slightly hurt, but he didn't think he could handle hanging out with Bitty Buffy for one second longer than necessary.  She reminded him so much of her sister, and that was just a bit too much for him in his current frame of mind.  In the end, he'd felt bad for being so short with her and had ended up promising to rent the movie so that they could watch it together when she'd finished reading the play.  That had made her feel a little better.

Spike tried to push all thoughts of the Summers women out of his head as he took a sip of his beer.  He enjoyed the English ale well enough, but he would've preferred something with a bit more bite. A Boddington's, perhaps, but that was just a bit too exotic for Sunnydale tastes.  Really, he should be counting his blessings that he'd managed to get a Bass in the first place.  Spike decided just to drink the beer and be grateful, for it seemed that his blessings were few and far between these days.  He was about halfway through his pint when he heard a familiar voice next to him ordering a Miller Lite.  Great, just what he needed.  "So, Monkeyboy, does it really taste great, or is it just less filling?"

Xander got his change from the bartender and turned to glare at Spike.  "Just when I thought my night couldn't get any better,"  he said sarcastically.  "What are you doing here, Spike?"

"What's it look like, Special Ed?  I'm having a pint.  Don't see what business it is of yours."

Xander sat down on the stool next to Spike's.  "Aren't there some demon bars you should be patronizing?"

"Yeah right," snorted Spike.  "Haven't exactly been welcome in the demon establishments since I became a bloody Scooby."

"Spike, you are not a Scooby."

"Well you might not think so, but the rest of Sunnydale's demon population sure seems to."  Spike ground out his cigarette and blew the smoke in Xander's face.  "From where I stand, that's all that really matters."

"Yeah, 'cause it would really suck if you got wailed on by a bunch of angry demons," sniped Xander between coughs.  "What if someone actually managed to kill you?  I'd die of heartbreak."

"You're in a foul mood tonight.  What the matter?  Your little demon chit decide to stop putting out?"

"Ex-demon," clarified Xander.  "And her name is Anya."

"Right, 'cause that little Ex makes up for the millennium of maiming and torture," muttered Spike under his breath.  "So, that's it, then?  Not getting any?"

"Shut up, Spike.  You're the last person I want to discuss my relationship troubles with." 

"Ah, so you admit that you're having relationship troubles!"

"What?  Nah unh!  I didn't admit anything."

"Yes, you did," countered Spike.  "You said that I was—"

"Spike!  Just shut up, okay.  I'm really not in the mood."  Xander would rather eat glass than admit to Spike that he and Anya had just had a huge fight.  Never mind the fact that Spike was exactly what they'd fought about.

"Well, excuse me for trying to make conversation!"  Spike drained the last of his beer and sat the glass down with a loud thunk.  "Barkeep!  Another round!" 

Xander watched the bartender give Spike a wary look before going to fill another pint.   When he saw that the beer was accompanied by a shot of Jack Daniels, his curiosity was piqued.  "What's with you?" he asked.

Spike lifted his shot and slammed it down.  Wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his duster, he turned to look at Xander.  "What do you mean?"

"I mean, is there a reason why you're drinking yourself into a stupor?"

"What, I need a reason now?"  Xander gave him a look, and Spike decided to go with the truth.  Well, a carefully edited version of the truth, anyway.  "Same reason as you, I suppose."

Xander raised an eyebrow.  "And what reason would that be?"

"Woman trouble, mate.  Like there's ever any other kind."

Xander almost choked on his beer.  "What?" he sputtered.  "You have a girlfriend?  Oh God, don't tell me that Harmony took you back?  'Cause that's pathetic, even for her."

"No!" snapped Spike.  "It's not Harmony.  I'd take a hundred years of Dru's insanity over ten minutes of Harm's brainless prattle any day.  I couldn't stand that silly bint."

"Well, I guess that's one thing that we agree on, then.  Harmony was vapid and shallow when she was alive, and I can't imagine that being undead has made it any better."  The two men shared a brief smile.  "So, who is it?  And don't you dare say that looney-toon Drusilla is back in town!"

"What is this, twenty bloody questions?  No, it's not Dru, and it's none of your damn business!"

"Hey, you opened this can of worms.  No need to get so touchy."  Xander finished off his beer and ordered another.

"Yeah, well, now I'm closing it!"

"Fine by me!  Like I really care what psycho is crazy enough to date you!"

They sat in silence for a while, each working on their beers and thinking about the own problems.  Spike had smoked another two cigarettes and had almost finished his beer before Xander spoke again.

"Spike, you're evil, right?"

"Bloody well right I am!"  At least that's what Buffy kept telling him.

"And, you've been around for a long time."

"Yeah, 121 years and counting."

"So, it's fair to say that you've seen a lot of evil in your time?"

"Where exactly are you going with this?"  Spike was getting annoyed with the Whelp's stupid questions.  Couldn't a bloke just drink in peace?

Xander was a little afraid to ask the question that had been plaguing him for the past day, but he figured that Spike was probably the best person to ask.  "Um, I was just wondering…" he trailed off, unsure of how to phrase it.

"Bloody Hell, spit it out already!" 

"Do you think that Anya's evil?"

It was Spike's turn to choke on his beer.  "Are you daft?  What kind of question is that?"

Feeling pretty stupid for even asking, Xander tried to clarify.  "Well, it's just that she was a vengeance demon for like 1120 years or something.  She did a lot of horrible things.  I know, 'cause she's told me all about them."

"Of course she did a lot of horrible things.  She was a vengeance demon; that's what they do.  I've met a few in my time, and let me tell ya, not exactly pleasant to be around.  I'm not really seein' the point, here."

"I've just been thinking about it a lot lately.  Look, the only reason she's human now is because she lost her powers.  The only reason she lost her powers is because she screwed up a wish and her boss was punishing her.  I mean, it's not like she suddenly realized that was she was doing was wrong and decided to give up the whole evil thing, ya know?  She even tried to get her powers back once, but it didn't work."

Xander paused and took a sip of his beer.  Spike was looking at him curiously, but said nothing.  Xander had been tormenting himself about this issue ever since his conversation with Buffy.  He'd even brought it up to Anya, hoping that she would shoot down Buffy's theory and somehow prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was wholly and completely good.  To his utter dismay, Anya had agreed with everything
Buffy had said.  She'd even gone so far as to point out all the ways that she and Spike were alike.  Of course, Xander had argued with her, and Anya had accused him of Anti-Demonism.  From there, it had turned into a shouting match with Xander pointing out all the bad things about Spike, and Anya listing off all the good things he'd done.  Before he'd stormed out to go to the Bronze, Anya had screamed that if that's the way he really felt about demons, then it just proved that he really didn't love her at all.

He pulled himself from his thoughts to tell Spike the one thing that he most hated to admit.  "I guess what I'm saying is that Anya really isn't all that different from you.  You know, with the chip and all."

Spike looked thoughtful.  "Hmm, I guess  you got a point there.  What of it?"

"Well, if you're so evil, then doesn't that make Anya evil, too?"

Spike sighed and drained the rest of his beer before answering.  Bloody humans and their need to have everything black and white.  "Harris, you're a stupid git.  Since you've been together, have you ever seen Anya do anything even remotely evil?"

"No, but that's only because her powers got taken away."

"She doesn't need super powers to be evil, you ninny!  Did Hitler have super powers?  Did Stalin?  What about that Bin Laden fellow?  He got any powers I don't know about?  Anyone can be evil, not just demons.  Not all demons are even evil, for that matter.  The point is, if Anya wanted to be evil, she wouldn't need super powers to pull it off."  Spike was beyond exasperated.  Why were humans so narrow-minded?

Xander was starting to get it.  Maybe Anya wasn't evil after all.  "You know, that actually makes sense.  But what about all that stuff she did before?  I am just supposed to pretend like it never happened?  She doesn't even feel bad about any of it."

By this point, Spike was really wishing for another beer.  He started to call the bartender over again, when he noticed that he was out of money.  "Harris, if you're gonna keep bending my ear all night with this evil nonsense, then at least be a mate and buy a bloke a pint."

Xander grimaced, but he flagged the bartender down to order a beer for Spike and another one for himself.

When Spike had the new beer in front of him, he continued.  "The way I see it, all that matters is how she is now.  Why should you care that she made some poor bugger's willy fall off centuries before you were born?  I'll tell you what I told the Nibblet when she was all upset about this Key business; it doesn't matter how you start out."  He took a big gulp of his fresh beer and waited for Xander's reaction.

Xander was floored.  He'd never thought that he'd get the best advice of his life from Spike, of all people.  "Wow.  That was a pretty convincing argument, Spike.  You'd have made one hell of a lawyer.  Thanks, you've really helped me out."

Spike would've loved to come back with some kind of sarcastic reply, but it wasn't often that he was thanked by any of the Scooby gang, so he decided just to accept it for what it was worth.  "No problem.  And another thing.  You've got a good woman at home who loves you—although for the life of me I can't figure out why—don't go looking for reasons to screw it up.  Just love her with all you've got and let her love you in return.  Life's too bloody short."

It surprised Xander to see Spike being so mushy, but he decided that now would not be the best time to pick on Spike, not after he'd helped him out so much.  "I'll try to remember that."  He sipped his beer in silence for a while when, suddenly, a thought came to mind.  "Spike, you've really helped us out over the past year or so.  I don't know what we would've done without you last summer."

Spike raised an eyebrow at him.  "And?"

"And, I don't think any of us really ever bothered to thank you."

"I wasn't expecting to be thanked," said Spike.  "That's not why I did it."

"Why did you do it?" asked Xander.

Spike didn't like the direction this conversation was moving in.  He didn't exactly fancy pouring his heart out to Xander Harris.  "I promised Buffy, that's all."

"Yeah, but Buffy was dead."

"I know that, you nit!"  Spike hated to talk about Buffy's death.  It was just too painful.

"Well, she wasn't exactly around to see it, being dead and all.  So, what was in it for you?"

Spike fixed him with a hard stare.  "I wanted to honor her memory.  And, I never break a promise to a lady.  Never."

For the first time, Xander began to realize that maybe  Spike did actually love Buffy; that it wasn't just some little obsession after all.  He started to feel a little bad for being so mean to the guy.  "I guess when she came back, we kinda cut you out, huh?"

"You could say that."  Spike's voice was full of bitterness.  It had really bothered him that he'd gone back to persona-non-grata with the Scoobies after Buffy had come back.  After all he had done for them.

"Spike, would you still wanna help us out sometimes?"

"You know I'd help if it's needed.  I'd do anything to keep Buffy and Dawn safe."

"But, you're still evil, right?"

"Right."  Spike couldn't help but smile.

"So, how come you're not there hiring the Order of Taraka to kill the Slayer?  Or trying to open the Hellmouth?  Or starting up the Vampire Mafia?  How come you're not doing any of that, Spike?  I mean, if you're so evil and all."

"Sod off!"  Spike tried to sound menacing, but his heart just wasn't in it.  "Yeah, I'm a sorry excuse for a vampire.  No need to rub my face in it!  Maybe I just don't feel like doin' anything evil right now."

"Maybe," said Xander, "you're really  not all that evil anymore."

Spike snorted.  "Mind tellin' that to the Slayer?  Maybe if she decided that I wasn't evil, she might stop using my face as a punching bag."

"Buffy?  Oh, I think she may have already come to that decision."  Spike looked at him in confusion.  "Hey, she's the one who put all these stupid ideas in my head in the first place."

"How's that?"  Spike was intrigued. 

"She pointed out how much you and Anya are alike."

"Really?"

"Yep."  Xander drained his beer and stood up.  "Well, I'm gonna go home, apologize my ass off, and hopefully have some really good make-up sex."

Spike laughed.  "Good luck with that."

"Listen, Spike, I know that we're not exactly what you would call friends, but you've really helped me out tonight.  I appreciate it.  I'm sorry if I've been a little rough on you in the past."

"No worries, mate.  Bickering with you is one of the high points in my otherwise bleak existence.  Wouldn't do to have you being all nice to me now, would it?"  Spike tried to hide that fact that Xander's words had actually touched him.

Xander chuckled.  "You're right about that.  See ya later, Spike."  He turned to go, but at the last moment reached for his wallet.  He took out a twenty and laid it on the bar in front of Spike.  "Here, the rest of your drunken stupor will be on me."  Spike looked surprised.  "Hey, it's the least I can do.  I'm gonna get laid tonight because of you."

"Thanks."  It was all that Spike was capable of saying.  He didn't trust himself to expand on it, lest he start blubbering like a baby.

"Don't mention it."  Xander walked away and left Spike staring into his beer.

After Xander left, Spike spent several minutes reflecting on their conversation.  Never in a million years had he thought that he'd actually have a civil conversation with Xander Harris.  It was amazing really, how they'd almost been friendly to each other.  Out of all of them, Xander had always been the most vocal about his hatred for Spike.  He actually felt pretty good for helping the poor guy out, and maybe just a little jealous that Xander had something that he never would.  The love of the woman he cared about.  Although, he had mentioned that Buffy had been saying how much Anya and Spike were alike.  Maybe Buffy was coming around on the whole evil thing.  Spike hated to get his hopes up after they'd been smashed so many times, but it did look pretty good.  If he could just continue to stay on the straight and narrow, then maybe Buffy would have to admit that he wasn't evil after all.  He smiled to himself.  Things were looking up.  It couldn't hurt that Xander didn't seem hate him anymore.  If Buffy realized that her friends liked him, even a little, then she might not be so opposed to being with him.

Spike was about to order himself another beer with Xander's twenty when he heard the scream.  The music was loud in the club, and he only managed to catch it because of his enhanced hearing.  Quickly, he scanned the room for any sign of trouble.  In the far corner, back by the restrooms and the pay phone, he spotted a vampire.  He had some girl pinned against the wall, and it looked like he was getting ready to take a bite.  Spike wavered for a moment.  Should he do something?  It's not like anyone was there to witness his good deed.  If he did intervene, it's not like he'd get any credit.  Still, it was the right thing to do.  It was what Buffy would do.

He hurriedly stuffed the twenty into his duster pocket and pulled out a stake.  In a flash, he was across the room and right behind the vampire.  The guy was so busy trying to get his midnight snack, that he didn't even notice Spike coming up behind him.  He was dust before he could even turn around.  The girl, his dinner, took off running out the back exit without so much as a thank you.  Spike chuckled to himself.  "Not in it for the thanks, mate."  Still smiling, he decided that it was time to leave.  He really wasn't in need of a drunken stupor anymore.  He gave a quick look around to make sure that no one had noticed the vampire dusting in the middle of the Bronze before heading out, whistling a cheery tune.

Unbeknownst to Spike, there was someone who'd see the whole thing go down.  Xander had decided to stop by the restroom on his way out; those three beers had gone right through him.  He was finished with his business just in time to see Spike stake the vampire.  To say that he was astounded, would be putting it mildly.  Spike had just saved a girl without being paid and without expecting and credit.  That alone went against everything that Xander knew about vampires.  Coupled with their conversation from earlier, it shed a whole new light of the subject.  He decided that he should probably mention it to Buffy.   Slowly, Xander made his way toward the exit, amazed by this new twist in a night that had already been full of them.