AN: Yay for Babyface, for writing this song! Yay for Chedes, for introducing this song to me! Yay for myself, for buying a CD with this song on it! Yay for M***** for making this song mean so much to me!
Disclaimer: Don't own characters, JK Rowling does. Don't own song, Babyface does. Do own plot. Do own anything else.
Dedicated to: Anyone who thinks this is good enough to review.
What If
I ran into a friend of yours the other day
"What do you want, Malfoy?" Parvati Patil frowned, hand on her hip. She had come to Hogsmeade to shop for Ron's birthday gift, not to run into old schoolmates. Annoying old schoolmates, that is. Draco raised an eyebrow coolly at her. "I want to talk to you." He stepped back, walking her into the Three Broomsticks. "May I buy you a drink?"
Parvati sighed… then nodded. Ron will have to wait.
And I asked her how you've been
Over two bottles of butterbeer and a few minutes of silence, Draco proceeded to ask Parvati, in a pretty friendly way, why are you here, what are you doing, where are you going, how are you doing? And then, the inevitable question.
"How is Hermione?"
It was Parvati's turn to raise her perfectly plucked eyebrow. She expected this question. After all, Draco was Hermione's ex-boyfriend.
She said "My girl is fine…"
"Oh, she's doing pretty well, ever since… the… since you…" Parvati waved her hand aimlessly, hinting at things of the past. Draco nodded. "Since we broke up." Parvati sighed, relieved. "Yes, since you broke up."
Just bought a house
"Where are you staying, Malfoy?" Parvati sipped her butterbeer. Draco frowned. "Call me Draco, please. I'm staying at my manor, where else?" Parvati laughed. "Oh, okay. Hermione got herself a nice little apartment here in Hogsmeade, and she absolutely loves having her own space. That's where we're celebrating Ron's birthday tomorrow and…"
Got a job
"Her own job, I mean, fully-trained Auror!" Parvati was getting warmer by the minute, and Draco let her talk, ignoring the dull ache in his heart. So she's getting along fine without me… doesn't she know what she did to me?
Real good man
"And well, maybe her space isn't really her own…" Parvati trailed off, eyeing Draco doubtfully. Draco started. "What do you mean?" Parvati shrugged, casually dropping the news that broke Draco's heart in a shattering of pain. "Well, she is living with Harry and all…"
I told her that I was glad for you
That's wonderful
Draco tried to hide the hurt, and through years of practice, succeeded extremely well. He smiled to cover up the sadness, and he straightened up to hide the hurt, and he placed the twinkle in his eyes to stop the tears. "Potter? The media must be having a field day." He tried to laugh, but Parvati knew how he felt, and she tried to avoid sensitive ground.
However, Draco must like pain, for his next question was equally hard to answer truthfully.
But does she ever ask about me
"Does she ever ask about me? I mean, we still share friendships with certain people, you, for instance…" Behind Draco's eyes shone a broken hope, which made Parvati extremely uncomfortable.
She said
"She's happy with her life right now…"
Parvati took in a deep breath, wondering how to break it to this somewhat pathetic young man that the only woman he ever loved, the only woman he really loves, had forgotten to love him back. "Oh, Draco… Hermione's an extremely busy witch, and…'
Draco leaned back in his chair, avoiding her eyes. "Yes, I understand."
"Let her go, let her be."
"Draco…" Parvati was a sensitive woman, and she had sympathy and a soft heart, and she felt sorry for this young man, sitting on the broken pieces of a hope once real. "Let her go. Let her live her life, and go live yours. Maybe you were never meant for each other…"
And I told myself I would
He held up a slender hand. "It's okay… I really didn't ask for sympathy. I just wanted to know how an… old friend is doing." Parvati knew better than to reply.
But something in my heart
Just would not let you go
They sat in silence for a moment, each lost in their own private lives… Parvati wondering what to wear tomorrow, and Draco wondering if he would ever be whole again.
I still want to know
He leaned forward, and Parvati snapped out of her reverie. "Yes?" He held her gaze in sad grey eyes. "Where do you think we went wrong?"
What if we were wrong about each other?
What if you were really made for me?
Parvati raised her hands helplessly. "I really don't know… please…" Draco stared down at the table top. "I hope Potter treats her well." Parvati heard this, and nodded vigorously. "Oh, yes! He does!'
What if we were supposed to be together?
Would that not mean anything?
What if that were supposed to be my house that you go home to everyday?
"They're really happy together, and he treats her as his best friend…" Parvati began to babble, but Draco shut her out. "Does she still love me?" He stared up at her, begging her for the truth, painful though it may be. Parvati closed her mouth, lost for words…
How can you be sure that things are better?
If you can't be sure you heart is still here with me…
Still wanting me.
"Is she really happy with him?" Draco twirled his empty bottle on the tabletop with graceful hands. Parvati shrugged helplessly. "I seriously don't know."
"Maybe she still loves me…" He whispered. Parvati was silent.
Your friend asked me if there was someone special
In my life
That I was seeing
Parvati groped for something to fill in the uncomfortable silence. However, the question she found wasn't really in need of an answer. Or, it would elicit a pretty touchy answer. Whichever way, Parvati found herself asking the question.
"So… do you have anyone special right now? Are you seeing anyone?"
Draco looked up at her, and Parvati shrank back in her seat. Oops.
I told her there was no one in particular
There's just I, myself, and me
"No… no one at all. I'm fine." Draco smiled. But deep down, he knew he wasn't fine, and he would never be fine.
I told her that I dream of you quite often
Draco traced a small circle on the tabletop with a lazy finger, avoiding Parvati's gaze. "I miss her. I still dream about her sometimes…" He suddenly stared up at her, as if realizing who he was talking to. "Never mind that…"
She just cut her eyes at me
She said
"You've got a home, you're very happy
So just stop your meddling."
Parvati frowned. "You have to get on with your life, Draco Malfoy! You can't keep following her around like a lost puppy forever…" Draco glared at her. "Love is the pits." he growled. Parvati stood up and began to gather her bags. "You should stop interfering with our lives, then. Just… get on with yours." She straightened up and looked at Draco.
"You're rich, handsome, charming and witty. Add some politeness and take away the pathetic lovesickness, and the girls would come swarming after you. Get on with your life, and leave Hermione to her own… promise me that."
I told her that I would
I said things were cool, but I guess I was wrong
I still can't move on
Draco watched her leave, and after a few moments alone, he stood up as well, throwing a handful of Sickles down to pay for the butterbeers. As he walked out into the blazing sunshine, he knew that he could never let Hermione go.
And he knew exactly what to do to get her back.
~*~
"Happy birthday, Ron!" Cheers and laughter rang out from Hermione's apartment the next night, and lights shone, and four very happy people ate cake and drank butterbeer, talking and joking the night away. However, this was all interrupted by the arrival of a stranger in their midst.
"What the hell?! Malfoy! What are you doing here?" Harry spluttered. Ron spat out his butterbeer, and Draco stepped back, eyes cold. "What do you want, Malfoy?" Ron asked angrily. "Funny you should say that. That's exactly what your girlfriend asked me yesterday." Draco glanced at Parvati, who was sitting on the sofa, very still, very pale.
"What's going on here?" Hermione appeared at the doorway, wiping her hands on her dress. Draco whirled towards her. "Hermione…" he whispered. She stared at him.
Harry stood up abruptly, pulling Hermione to him. "Get out of here, Malfoy, before we make you." He drew out his wand and pointed it at Draco, who watched him calmly. Parvati squeaked, and Ron rushed over to her.
Draco looked back at Hermione, their eyes met, and she stepped forward, face blank. "Harry, put down that wand. Draco… what is it?" She stared at him, almost pleadingly. "What do you want?" Draco stepped forward, and placed a hand on hers. "A word with you."
~*~
A few minutes later, Hermione found herself with Draco in the garden. She turned to him. "What is it? I don't really have all day, you know." Draco glanced at her, at that woman, illuminated by a single lantern, a thousand stars, and the light of his love, and he knew he could never let her walk away, especially into the arms of a certain Potter.
What if we were wrong about each other?
What if you were really made for me?
Hermione looked around her, suspicious of Draco. Suddenly… "Do you love him?"
She spun around to face him, and on his face was such a sweet, pathetic expression of sincere sadness, that she found herself telling the truth.
"No."
What if we were supposed to be together?
Would that not mean anything?
Draco came forward, and Hermione did not draw back, a sure sign that she trusted him. "Why did you leave me, then?" he whispered, eyes dark as the sky above. She shrugged, hopeful he might say something more. "Maybe I was wrong."
What if that were supposed to be my house that you go home to everyday?
She glanced back towards the building, where Harry was probably getting suspicious and restless, sighed and opened her mouth to speak. However, Draco stopped her. "Are you happy here? As happy as you were with… me?"
Hermione didn't answer.
How can you be sure that things are better?
If you can't be sure your heart is still here with me…
Still wanting me.
Draco took another step towards her, in his eyes a silent plea. "Hermione… answer me." He reached out to her, took her hand in his, and she didn't respond, her face turned away from him. "Tell me you still love me, and we can run away to our beautiful home in…"
Now that could be my car
That could be my house
"Venice is waiting for us, Hermione…" Draco took her face in his hands, a gentle gesture that Hermione had rarely seen from him. "We could be together once more, happy, blissful, peaceful… Hermione…" he moved closer, as if to kiss her.
But sharply, with one move that did not touch Draco, but instead, broke his heart, Hermione pulled away from him.
That could be my baby boy that you're nursing
"It just wouldn't be…" she whispered, voice weak, and full of tears. Draco touched her cheek, surprise etched into his eyes. "Why?" She turned away, clutching at her dress, tears sliding down her cheeks.
"I'm pregnant."
It was all a dream, then. A beautiful dream, beautiful because it is something you can never have. Like a soap bubble, floating through your mind. Try to touch it, keep it, cradle it next to your heart, and it disappears, leaving behind nothing but the scent of something that could never be.
That could be the trash that I always take out
That could be the chair that I love to chill in
That could be my food at the table at the end of the day
Draco stood there, face in shadows. But when he spoke, his voice told Hermione everything she needed to know. "Potter's?" A slight tremble, a pathetic note, a tinge of wistful pain, a bittersweet touch of tenderness. Hermione nodded, not daring to turn to look at him.
A sigh, sad enough to break your heart. "I see…" He came up behind her, placing his hands gently on her shoulders, resting his chin on her hair, something he used to do… way before, it seemed like years back then.
"All I ever wanted was a normal life. Something sweet, with touches of elegance here and there, dinner by moonlight on the open sea, a night lit by candles, a bath of rose petals and wine… with the kind of love that runs through your veins like liquid fire, the kind of love to quicken your breath and brighten your eyes…" His voice dropped to a whisper, and the tears still slid down Hermione's pale cheeks.
Hugs and kisses, all the love we make
"This kind of love. This love that surges through me when I touch your skin, breathe in your scent, run my fingers through your hair…" Draco closed his eyes, wishing nothing more that this moment to go on for eternity. "The problem is, I don't know if you feel it too."
What the hell do you expect me to say?
What if it's really supposed to be like this?
"I wish…" he murmured into her hair, his hand on her shoulder. "Yes…" she replied. "I wish." She turned around and faced him, the moonlight glinting off the tearstains on her face, rivers of moonshine. "But I just can't. Harry would be so…" She clutched her hand into a fist at her side, glancing up at the apartment building. "So broken." she finished.
What if you're really supposed to be with me?
Draco touched her, a light brushing on the hollow of her neck, drawing that slender finger down her body, between her breasts, onto her stomach, where only the slightest rounding began. "This could have been mine…" His eyes burned into hers with a sweet fire, and she stared defiantly, painfully back.
"I wish it was so."
What if we were wrong about each other?
"We were beautiful together, Hermione… weren't we?" He continued to sear his eyes into hers, and she held his gaze, a painful, white-hot thing. "A match unusual, yet a match that burned with passion."
"Maybe I'm not the arrogant fool you remember from back then. Maybe you aren't that prissy bookworm I used to tease." He leaned forward, and Hermione drowned herself in his scent, the scent of starlight on a rushing river of pure water.
"Maybe we still love each other."
"Maybe."
What if you were really made for me?
"I know we didn't seem like the most likely to hook up… Our days in Hogwarts proved that." Hermione listened to his breathing, slow, measured, sweet. His voice swirled around her, taking her in. "But we've changed."
What if we're supposed to be together?
"You and Potter are the dream couple, you know that…" A slight tang of bitterness laced Draco's voice, and his eyes narrowed slightly. "Voted Most Likely to Hook Up at the last Yule Ball of the year in Hogwarts, right?" He laughed dryly.
"But I love you. And… maybe, just maybe, you still love me too."
Would that not mean anything?
What if that were supposed to be my house that you go home to everyday?
Hermione stepped back. "No, Draco. No." She avoided his gaze, eyes firmly on the ground. "Harry loves me, I'm sure of that…" Draco snickered softly. "But do you love him? You said so yourself a while ago…"
"It does not matter what I did or did not say!" Hermione burst out, eyes gleaming angrily. "You do something to me… make my knees weak and my breath catch in my throat! You make tears well up in my eyes and my heart break slowly… you make me believe." she whispered, tears glittering like tiny stars in her eyes.
How can you be sure that things are better?
Draco watched her. He was afraid to go nearer, to touch her, to let this fragile soap bubble disappear. But he had no choice. "It's the baby, isn't it?" he asked, devoid of emotion. Hermione nodded tearfully, slowly. "Yes, it's the baby… Please, understand…"
Draco held up a hand. "I do. I love you, Hermione. That's easy enough to understand." Hermione choked softly, hand over her mouth. He drew closer, and pulled her to him. "And you love me. I can see it in the way you look at me, the way the tears shine in your eyes…" he touched her lips softly, eyes measure of his pain. "The way your heart beats."
Their faces were only inches away, and she closed her eyes for the kiss that never came.
If you can't be sure your heart is still here with me…
When she opened them again, tormentingly disappointed, torn apart, Draco was gone. In a swirl of starlight and dusky shadows, and two eyes of gray that burned into her soul, he was gone.
Still wanting me.