If Not Wisely

by Nikilu

Set immediately Post-Wrecked, becomes AU after that. Buffy continues to struggle with her feelings for Spike, and the whole gang tries to help Willow with her magic problem.

20. The Pizza

If Not Wisely

Chapter 20:  The Pizza   

Spoilers:  Begins immediately post-Wrecked, becomes AU after that.

Rating:  R for swearing and some sexual situations.

Disclaimer:  Not mine.

Feedback:  Would be highly appreciated.  This is my first attempt at fanfic, and I would like to know how I am doing.  Constructive criticism is welcome.

Distribution:  So far, just here.  If anyone wants it, just let me know.

Summary:  Buffy continues to struggle with her feelings for Spike, and the whole gang tries to help Willow with her abuse of magic.

A/N:  Okay, here's the next chapter.  I know it seemed like forever since the last two were up so fast, but, what can I say, I'm a slacker.  Anyway, I know that I promised some people that this chapter would include Buffy and Dawn and Buffy and Spike, but Buffy and Dawn just wouldn't shut the hell up!  I was forced to allot more space for them  So, the next one will be all Buffy and Spike.  Thanks to everyone for the great reviews!  It really means a lot to me.  Hope everyone enjoys the next chapter.  Let me know what you think. 

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Buffy shut the door quickly on the pizza delivery boy.  She had written the check out for the exact amount, and she really didn't want to see the poor kid's face when he figured out that he wasn't getting a tip.  Hey, she figured that she needed it more than he did.  "Dawn!  Pizza's here!  We got free breadsticks!"  She walked carefully into the kitchen, balancing the precariously high pile of food. 

Dawn came bounding down the stairs.  "Thank God!  I am starving!"  She rushed into the kitchen and immediately dived for the food.  "Free breadsticks!  Awesome!"  Tearing the bag open, she began to rapidly devour a stick.

"Jeez, you'd think you haven't eaten in a month!"  Buffy found the fact that her sister could stay so skinny, despite eating like a pro-linebacker, to be the ultimate injustice.  Not that Buffy was fat, by any means, but she didn't eat one fourth of the crap that Dawn did.  "Use a plate!  Were you raised by wolves?"

Dawn, who was working on her first piece of pizza, sans plate, grunted around a mouthful of pepperoni.  She took the plate her sister was holding out and delicately placed the already half-eaten slice of pizza down.  "Sorry, I'm just really hungry.  Spike ran out of snacks, so I didn't eat anything after school."

Buffy helped herself to a piece of pizza.  "You're always hungry!  How you can eat like that, I'll never know.  You're really lucky that you're not fat!"

"Hey, I'm a growing girl!  Besides, I have a fast metabolism."  She reached for another breadstick.  "We got anything to drink?"

"Yep."  Buffy got up and grabbed the six-pack of soda that she had ordered with the pizza.  She held out a can to her sister.  "I got you Sprite.  I know you like it."

Dawn bit her lip and refrained from telling her sister that she liked Mountain Dew, not Sprite.  She had promised Spike that she would act like an adult and be nice to her sister.  Bratting off about soda did not satisfy either objective.  "Thanks."  She took the soda without any complaint and cracked it open. 

"No problem."  Buffy had been hoping that Dawn might've shown a little more gratitude for the Sprite.  She liked Diet Coke, herself, and she had gotten Sprite specifically to make Dawn happy.  Had she been that ungrateful when she was that age?  Probably.  Buffy took a can for herself and noticed that Dawn was looking at her with a worried expression on her face.  "What?"

"Um, Buffy, the pizza is great, and the soda too, but can we afford this?"

Buffy laughed.  "Dawn, it's pizza, not prime rib!  I don't think that it'll break us."  In reality, she probably had spent more than they could afford right then, but she was still on a high from her new money-making plan and had decided to throw caution to the wind.

Dawn still looked worried.  "Yeah, but we're broke, right?"

"Who told you that?"  The question had taken Buffy by surprise.  She hadn't thought that Dawn had a clue about their money problems.

Dawn fidgeted and looked nervous.  "No one had to tell me.  It's just something that I figured out for myself.  You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see that we have no viable source of income.  What was left of Mom's money ran out a long time ago, and that check from Giles was big, but not that big."

Buffy smiled sadly at her little sister.  "Sometimes, I forget how grown up you're getting."

"Yeah, about that, I've been thinking.  There's this kid in my Algebra class who works at the pretzel stand in the mall.  He has, like, a work permit or something.  So, maybe, I could, ah, get one of those, too.  I can probably get a job somewhere in the mall.  What do you think?"

"You want to get a job?"

"Yeah."  Dawn helped herself to another slice of pizza.

"Why?"

"You know, to help out.  I know that I wouldn't get paid that much, but it's gotta be better than nothing.  Right?"  She looked hopeful.

Buffy thought she might cry.  Was she that horrible as a parent that her fifteen year-old sister thought she had to get a job to keep the household running?  "Dawnie, you don't have to do that."

Dawn was trying her hardest to appear casual.  She didn't want Buffy to know how worried she was about their money situation.  "I know I don't have to, but I want to."  She thought that her sister looked to be on the verge of tears.  "Buffy, I just wanna help out, pull my own weight.  Maybe make things a little easier for you."

"No."  Buffy shook her head firmly.  "No, you are not getting a job.  Dawnie, you're a kid.  Your job is going to school.  I'm the adult here, and I can take care of both of us."

Dawn looked down and played with the silver tab on her soda can.  She didn't want to make her sister mad, she was just trying to be helpful.  "Okay, fine.  It was just an idea.  I know that you can take care of us.  It's just…are you gonna get a job, then?"

Buffy sighed.  This wasn't exactly how she had planned on telling Dawn the good news, but it looked like she was out of options.  "Well, I have a plan.  I was going to wait to tell you until I had more details, but I might as well just tell you now.  On Monday, I start work at the Magic Box."  She caught sight of the horrified look on Dawn's face.  "No, I'm not gonna be waiting on customers.  Just helping out with inventory and stuff.   Here's the best part.  Anya and I are working out a way that I can give self-defense classes in the training room.  She's going to let me keep most of the profits and everything.  So, in a couple of months, once things get off the ground, we'll be rolling in money.  Hopefully.  Not that this is like a get-rich-quick kind of thing, 'cause it's not.  I mean, I know that it's going to take a long time, and a lot of hard work, before we start showing any kind of profit.  At least until that happens, I'll  have a regular paycheck.  So, don't worry.  We're not going to starve.  And you don't have to get a job.  Maybe when you're a little older, if you want some extra spending money or something, then yeah, but not now.  Okay?"

There was a moment of absolute silence where Dawn sat open-mouthed and staring, and Buffy caught her breath.  A ramble like that required a lot of oxygen.  Suddenly, the silence was broken.  "Oh my God!" shrieked Dawn at an ear-splitting decibel.  She sprang from her chair and threw herself at her sister, knocking her plate, pizza and all, to the floor in the process. 

Buffy made a slight choking noise as all the air was forced from her lungs.  Dawn was practically sitting in her lap, and her arms were wound tightly around her neck. "Um, this is a good thing, right?"

Dawn laughed and released her death grip.  Pulling back slightly, she grinned at her sister.  "Buffy, this is fantastic!  This is so perfect!  It's like the best thing you could possibly do!  I am so happy for you, and I know you can make it work!"  She planted a big kiss on Buffy's temple, before retrieving her pizza from the floor and returning to her seat. 

Buffy watched in horror, as her sister proceeded to brush off her slice of pizza and cram the remainder into her mouth.  Well, at least she had scrubbed the floor that day.  Apparently, it really was clean enough to eat off of.

Dawn caught Buffy's horrified look and gave her a sheepish grin.  "Hey, I'm not wasting good food!  So, tell me all about it.  What do you have to do?   How did you come up with the idea?"

"I have a million and one things to do.  Anya started making a list, and it is, like, a mile long.  I am so glad that I took the idea to her instead of trying to do it by myself.  She definitely has a head for business, and, with her on my team, there's no way it can fail."  She took a sip of her soda, stalling for time.  "As for the idea, well, that was courtesy of Spike."

Dawn's eyes got big.  "Really?"

"Yep, really.  We were just talking about what kind of job I would be good at, and that's what he came up with.  Well, it was either that, or professional wrestling."  She smiled, remembering Spike's idea for a stage name.  Her smile widened, as she remembered that's Spike's other idea had been stripping.  Best not mention that to Dawn.  Oh, oh, Dawn was looking at her strangely.  What now?

"Oh, cool," was all Dawn said.  She took yet another piece of pizza.  "So, what kind of stuff was on the list?"

For the next ten minutes or so, Buffy rambled on about the Karate school, taxes and insurance.  She told Dawn about the fliers, and the women's groups and the lectures.  She went through the pros and cons of demonstrations and Puffy-Xander.  Through it all, Dawn sat transfixed.  She appeared to be hanging on every word, and Buffy could feel her own excitement growing.  She just might be able to pull it off.

By the time that Buffy had finished,  Dawn had eaten far more pizza than any normal fifteen year-old should've been able to.  "This is so exciting!  I can help out, you know, with the classes.  I could hand out little cups of water, during breaks.  Ooh, we could print up tee-shirts and stuff."  She drained her second can of soda.  "I can go talk to that guy at the Karate school if you want.  I'm a much better liar than you, and I'd take really good notes.  What do you think?  Hey, do we have anything for dessert?"

Buffy beamed at her little sister.  "I would love it if you would help, Dawn.  It could be something that we can do together.  Like a Summers family business.  You sure you want to help?  It's not going to be all fun and games."  Dawn nodded.  "Good, there's nothing I'd like better.  That will mean that we can spend more time together.  As for dessert, I think you're out of luck on that one.  Unless, you want a frozen waffle, sans syrup, or a handful of mini-marshmallows."

"I think I'll pass on that one."  She shuddered.  "Ick, monkey brains."

Buffy laughed.  "I never should've told you that!  The good news is that I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow.  So, write down anything that you really want me to get.  Oh, that reminds me, I forgot to ask Xander if he can give me a ride."  She was halfway to the phone, when she stopped and smacked herself on the forehead.  "I forgot to tell them about Willow!  God, I am the worst friend ever."

"Buffy, don't be so hard on yourself.  You were just excited about the self-defense classes."  The last thing that Dawn wanted was to see her sister's good mood disappear.

"That's true.  Plus, all the screaming and yelling didn't really help."  She picked up the phone and began to dial.

"What?"

Buffy held up a finger as the phone began to ring.  The answering machine picked up on the second ring, and she left a short message asking Xander if he could give her a ride the next day, and letting them know that Willow had moved home for a while.  She said that they should give her a day or so to cool off and then maybe call and see how she was doing.  She finished by telling Anya that she would talk to her soon about their new plans.  Hanging up the phone, she turned to her sister.  "They're probably still at the Magic Box fighting."

"What's going on?" Dawn wanted to know.

Buffy waved a hand dismissively.  "Oh, you know them.  Just more of the same.  Anya's upset because Xander is anti-demon, and Xander's upset because he had to admit that Spike might not be completely evil."

"Xander admitted what?"  The shock was evident on Dawn's face.

"I know," said Buffy.  "Pretty big, huh?"

"Pretty big?  Pretty big?  Try, earth-shattering.  I need details!"

"Okay, here's what I know.  Xander and Anya got in a fight, because of the anti-demon stuff.  Well, that, and that fact that Xander was afraid that Anya might be evil.  Anyway, Xander went to the Bronze to blow off steam and ran into Spike.  I guess they got to talking, and Spike convinced him that Anya wasn't evil.  So, Xander got to thinking, and decided that if Anya wasn't evil, then Spike really wasn't either."

Dawn looked confused.  "Wait, how did he make that leap?"

"From what I can tell, all the reasons why Anya wasn't evil, applied to Spike as well.  I guess Xander just thought it would be hypocritical to keep insisting that Spike was evil."

"So, why did he think Anya was evil in the first place?  I mean, she may be a little blunt at times, but I'd hardly call her evil."

Buffy hastily began gathering up the pizza remains and avoided looking at her sister.  "Well, I kinda said something to him the other night," she mumbled.

"What?" shrieked Dawn.  "You told him that Anya was evil?"

"No, not exactly."  She tried to stuff the pizza box in the garbage can, but only succeeded in showering her newly clean kitchen floor with crumbs.  "Damn!"  She shoved even harder, and the cardboard box was crushed under her Slayer strength.  She gave a satisfied smile and turned to her sister.  "You wanna save those breadsticks?"

"Quit changing the subject!  What did you say to Xander?"

"I'm not!"  Buffy hurried to the table and grabbed the remaining breadsticks.  "It's just…Okay, I didn't say that Anya was evil.  More like, I just pointed out how much she and Spike are alike.  You know, they're kind of in the same situation, former Big Bad, stuck with no powers...or bite, whatever."  She rummaged in a drawer and came up with a roll of tin foil.  "I'm gonna wrap these up."

 Dawn looked thoughtful.  "Hmm, you've got a point about Spike and Anya.  I've never looked at it that way before.  Why'd you bring it up, though?  I'll bet Xander was pissed!"

"Was he ever!  Pissed doesn't even begin to describe it."

"So, why'd ya say it?"

"I don't know.  I really wasn't trying to say that Anya was evil.  I was just, I don't know, maybe trying to figure out if Spike was.  Evil, I mean."

"Really?"  The smirk was already starting to form at the corners of Dawn's mouth.  "What brought this about?"

"Dawnie, stop smirking.  God, I hate it when you do that."  Buffy sat back down at the table and ran her fingers through her hair.  "Okay, it's kind of a long story.  You probably don't remember what Spike was like before.  Back when he first came to town, I was always trying really hard to shield you from stuff like that.  Hell, back then, Mom didn't even know what I was up to.  Anyway, he was bad, Dawnie, really bad.  Spike killed two Slayers, and he was proud of it.  He had quite a reputation, even Angel said he was bad news.  He had two goals in life, make Drusilla healthy again, and kill me.  He almost did.  God, he came really close a couple of times.  If Mom hadn't hit him with that axe, well, I would've been dead." Buffy smiled at the memory.

"Mom hit Spike with an axe?"

"Yeah, you shoulda seen her.  'Get the hell away from my daughter!'  She was one tough lady."

"Yeah."  Dawn smiled sadly.  "She was."

Buffy could feel her eyes getting misty, and decided to steer the conversation away from their mother.  "My point is, Spike was one bad dude.  I was probably more scared of him than I'd ever been of anybody except the Master.  Well, and Glory, because she threatened you."  She gave a little laugh.  "I keep getting off track.  Spike did a lot of bad things, Dawnie.  I know that you don't like to think about it, but it's true."

"Even after he got the chip, Spike wasn't exactly a good guy.  Sure, he helped us once in a while, but only in exchange for blood or money.  Before he found out that he could fight demons, he needed us for protection.  He was really just looking out for himself.  There were many times that he actually worked against us."

"But Spike is different now!" protested Dawn.

"I know that, Dawnie.  I'm just trying to explain why sometimes it's hard for me, for all of us really, to think of Spike as being anything other than an enemy."  Buffy could tell that her sister still wasn't understanding.  "Look, just because he appears to have changed, that doesn't mean that we can forgive and forget all of the bad things he's done."

"Yeah, but you forgave Angel, and he was much worse than Spike.  He killed Miss Calander, and he tortured Giles!  How could you just forgive that?"

Buffy found herself immediately on the defensive.  "This has nothing to do with Angel!  Besides, that wasn't even Angel, it was Angelus.  He didn't have a soul; he couldn't help it."

Dawn snorted.  "Oh, that is such a crock of shit, and you know it!  Angel and Angelus are the same person!  The only difference is that Angelus didn't have a conscience to hold him back!  Do you even listen to yourself?  'He didn't have a soul; he couldn't help it!'  Please!  Spike doesn't have a soul either, and he can help himself!  He can still choose to do good things, and he can still choose to love and care about me!"

"Dawn!"  Buffy voice was hard.  "We are not talking about Angel!  That's not the topic at hand, and I refuse to even discuss it with you!  You have no idea what you're talking about.  You have no idea what it was like."

Dawn was instantly contrite.  "I'm sorry.  You're right; I don't know.  I just get so mad that everyone seems to have a double standard where Spike is concerned.  He's done so much to help me, to help all of us, and no one ever gives him any credit."

Buffy sighed; the anger was gone.  "I know, Dawn.  I know how much he's done, and I can see how much he's changed.  That's what brought all of this about in the first place.  Look, I know we got really far off track here, but I was just trying to explain to you why it's hard sometimes to accept the fact that Spike's not really evil anymore.  I guess that I've been trying to find a way to prove that, and that's why I brought it up to Xander.  Can you understand that?"

"Yes, I do."  She got up to give Buffy a hug.  "I'm sorry that I brought up Angel.  I know it's a touchy subject."

Buffy hugged her back.  "It's okay.  You actually did have a pretty good point, even if I do refuse to think about it."

Dawn smiled.  "Hey, if you wanted to know whether or not Spike was evil, the you shoulda just asked me.  Anyone, vampire or not, who helps a hormonal teenager read and understand Shakespeare and watches The Great Pumpkin every Halloween can't possibly be evil.  I think that's, like, a fact or something."

"Is that so?"  Buffy smiled back at her sister.

"Yep!"  Dawn giggled, and then got serious.  "Buffy, I'm really sorry that I upset you.  It was great seeing you happy before.  I hate to be the one to change that."

"Oh, Dawnie."  She pulled her sister close for another hug.  "I know I've been acting strange since I got back.  It must be so hard for you, having this zombie walking around who looks just like your sister.  I promise, things will get better.  I'll try harder; I swear, I will."

Dawn hugged her big sister for all she was worth.  She could feel the tears welling in her eyes and the lump growing in her throat.  It was difficult to speak.  "I know," she whispered.  "It already is getting better.  I'll try harder, too.  I promise."

They stayed that way for a while, hugging each other and trying to choke back sobs.  Finally, Buffy let go and pulled back to wipe her eyes.  "Aren't we a couple of sad sacks?  Come on, let's get the rest of this mess cleaned up.  I need to patrol in a little bit."  She needed to see Spike.  So many things had happened in the past day, and there were so many things that she wanted to say to him.

"Okay."  Dawn picked up their plates and carried them to the sink.  "Hey," she called over her shoulder, "I finished Romeo and Juliet tonight."

"Good for you!  That didn't take too long."

"I know, Spike's been a really big help.  I swear, if it weren't for him, I never would've understood a single word!"

"That's great, Dawn.  I'm glad that Spike could help you.  God knows, I wouldn't have been any help.  You wanna know how to beat someone up?  I'm the one to talk to.  You have to read a four hundred year-old play?  You'd better find someone else!"

Dawn laughed.  "I'll keep that in mind.  Anyway, Spike said that he'd rent the movie for me, as a reward for working so hard.  So, is it okay if he comes over tomorrow night to watch it?"

Buffy, who was wiping off the kitchen table, paused mid-wipe.  She bit her lip.  Was it okay?  Could she have Spike in her house for an entire evening without jumping his sexy, undead bones?  Well, he had issued a moratorium on the hanky-panky.  "Um, sure.  I don't see a problem with that."

"Cool!  Maybe you could watch it with us?"   Like a family, she silently added to herself.  Buffy looked doubtful, so she added, "We could make popcorn and have hot chocolate.  It'll be fun!"

Buffy didn't need much convincing.  She wanted to spend an evening with Spike more that just about anything.  She just hoped she could keep her hands to herself.  "Sure, why not?  I guess it won't kill me to stay home on a Saturday night and absorb some culture.  He's gonna get the one with Leo, right?"

Dawn rolled her eyes.  "No!  He was raving on and on about some Franco-American guy.  No, wait, that's spaghetti, right?  Maybe it was Fred Zeppelin?  I can't remember.  Anyway, he's got some kind of a grudge against Leo.  Says this other movie is art.  If you can believe it."

Buffy couldn't help but grin.  "Dawnie, when it comes to Spike, I'll believe just about anything.  This movie's not in black and white, is it?"