Disclaimers:
We don't own any characters although it would be nice to borrow them sometime.
This is not really a science fiction, so the effects of any future technological advances are minimized - for all we know, Katie could have cloned Jessie.
Rating: A couple of love scenes, but nothing really smutty
===========================
CHAPTER 8: God and Other Musings
Sunday Morning
"Billie?" Katie groggily asked as she opened her eyes and reached out for Jessie. But Jessie wasn't around and it was only 8 in the morning, so she decided to lounge some more. She turned on the radio-alarm clock on the night stand and listened to the Boston Pops play "La Primavera" or Spring – the 1st movement from Vivaldi's "Le Quattro Stagioni", The Four Seasons.
Katie marveled at how she was feeling – she was in a state of total, utter contentment. Like every step she ever took in her life was necessary so she could find herself where she was at that very moment once more. Oh there were others, she knew that. She had spent other passionate nights with other people. But not one of them could ever compare to what she and Jessie shared. True, Jessie was not the best lover she had, others were almost like characters straight from the pages of Kama Sutra. But that was exactly the point – Jessie only needed to be next to her to take her into a different dimension away from the boundaries of physical reality. Making love to Jessie was almost a religious phenomenon, an almost surreal experience that definitely was never described in any literature, past or present. She was almost certain that nobody, not a single living creature in all of Creation, ever had the privilege of making love the way she and Jessie did and then feeling the depths of their happiness.
And really, she could not help right now but think that there is a God. Although raised as a Catholic, she was never one for organized religion. She had seen so much conflict in the Middle East, all under the guise of a God that was supposed to be all loving yet admonishing His creatures to kill one another, all in His name. One of her research papers actually incorporated religion into an econometrics equation. But right now, with all the utter purity of the happiness flooding her heart, Katie HAD to think of God, because really, no existing model of human interaction could have produced such a state of total bliss – not even the much theorized but never really proven state of perfect equilibrium.
"Hey Billie… " Jessie said as she quickly kissed Katie before putting her gloves on the dresser. "Have you been up long?"
"Uh-uh," Katie shook her head as she gazed at Jessie, trying to make some sense of how this human being could touch the deepest corner of her soul without doing much of anything other than simply breathe.
"I brought some bagels and the coffee is brewing, freshly ground from the hands of Juan Valdez," Katie said, smiling, as she sat next to Katie and reached out for her hand. "What are you thinking?"
"Nothing," Katie lied, "God, " she later corrected herself.
Jessie threw her an inquiring look, "I thought you were a heathen?"
"Oh, I am," Katie laughed, "but it doesn't mean I am not allowed to think of Him."
"You know, God could actually be a woman," Jessie reminded her, "but I think God does not have a gender, because He, or She, actually created us with cells that divide and multiply on their own without the benefit of any sexual identity."
"You think our cells are a-sexual?" Katie asked as she played with Jessie's hand on hers.
"Oh, definitely," Jessie answered, "All you need to do is look at them under a microscope while they divide into tiny other cells. It is quite amazing, really."
"Where did you go? Just to town to get bagels?" Katie asked.
"I went to mass – they have a 7 o'clock service at the parish", Jessie said very matter-of-factly.
"Did you pray for me?" Katie asked as she reached for her eyeglasses on the table.
"Always," Jessie smiled as she kissed Katie once more.
=========================
They decided to have breakfast at the balcony overlooking the lake. The fog was disappearing and it was such a wonderful morning to waste inside the confines of the cabin.
"You still go to church?" Katie asked as she sipped some coffee from a mug with the AMA logo on it.
"As a matter of fact, I do," Jessie answered proudly before she added, "That's what's kept me together all these years. Besides, don't forget Pascal's wager – I would not want to bet on the non-existence of God in case He, or She, actually existed because this lifetime is such a lame prize compared to Eternity."
"Do you want me to write down the proof for Pascal's wager?" Katie asked, referring to the French mathematician's algorithm.
Jessie smiled and shook her head.
"You know, I would not have thought of it… I mean you're training is in medicine and all and when you go back to the fundamentals, isn't it kinda hard to reconcile the idea of God with the exactness of science?" Katie continued, still a little baffled.
"On the contrary, my profession has been more of a catalyst than a detriment on the issue of Faith," Jessie answered, "because as a doctor, I am aware of what I can and cannot do. I am trained to work with my head and hands, I should have an idea of what the outcome should and shouldn't be. But every time somebody died even though you know you did everything you could in your power, while another one survived despite a graver prognosis, every time something happened that you could not really explain, then you really start to accept that you're not in charge. As a doctor, I am not in charge. And that's the paradox – this science versus religion thing. They're NOT really contradictory, they're complimentary…" Jessie finished off before she and Katie just sat there, an awkward silence between them.
"We better start packing soon," Katie remembered, "I don't want to hit NY traffic."
"I am not leaving. You can go ahead if you want to. I took the rest of the week off," Jessie said as she frowned at some kids who had now disturbed the crystal-like surface of the lake with their jet skis.
"You did?" Katie inquired because she could not believe what she just heard. "What are you going to do the rest of the week? How are you going to get home? Wouldn't the hospital want you back in case some Siamese twins come in conjoined through their noses?"
"Okay, A, you are not the only one with a laptop. I brought mine too. Noticed the briefcase by the cloak closet? It is mine, and you better believe that it contains more than just National Enquirer and People magazines. B, we have a pickup truck parked behind the cabin. It is a requirement when you live here, along with a red plaid flannel shirt, a shotgun that can blast a dozen wild geese with one bullet, and 3 pairs of skis for every pair of human feet. I could drive that truck home and bring it back the next time I come up here with friends. And C, the probability of a set of Siamese twins joined through the nose is like one in a gazillion, so I would likely not be called in," Jessie said as fast as she could without missing a beat.
"Come up here with friends?" Katie asked suspiciously, "What kind of friends, who, I mean, how often do you that?"
"I don't have to answer your question," Jessie defensively said. "I am not your girlfriend and I can very well bring whomever I fancy!" although Jessie knew that she was only referring to her old college roommate, Trish who now lives in the Berkshires, and Trish's husband Patrick.
"Okay, out of line," Katie resigned. "Wait here a moment", she yelled out as she ran, barefoot, outside in her animal-print pajamas to the parked Explorer.
"I am staying too!" Katie announced as she came back with her satellite video telephone, land mobile phone, her own stack of economic and political journals, and 2 other laptops in addition to the one she had already brought in.
Jessie looked, amused, as Katie proceeded to call someone with her mobile phone.
"Good morning, Helen, it's Katie," she heard Katie authoritatively said. "Listen, I hope I am not bothering your breakfast or anything, but I will not be back in the office tomorrow. In fact I will be back…" Katie put her hand on the mouthpiece and turned to Jessie, "When am I going to be back?"
"Next Monday," Katie said on the phone. "And unless the Third World War is about to begin, please don't call me. I will be working from here, so you can send me any important emails and you can forward any important phone calls to my global satellite phone number, but I stress the word IMPORTANT."
"Okay, Helen, I owe you," Katie said more playfully as she hung up the phone. She loved to torture her secretary who always got frazzled whenever she was not around because it was she, not Katie, who had to field the questions on her whereabouts from all these important people from all over the world. And frankly, Helen did not speak a word of French, Hebrew, or Arabic, languages all mandatory in Katie's job description.
==========================
Wednesday Afternoon
They had spread out a sleeping bag on the bedroom balcony facing west so they could bask in the late afternoon sun and wait for the sunset. Katie was sitting on the sleeping bag with her legs outstretched and her laptop on her…well… lap. A little satellite dish was on her right side; this allowed her fast Internet connection without having to attach to a cable or DSL line or Heaven forbid resort to that ancient means – using a landline via a modem!
Leaning on her left shoulder, with her back to Katie's side, Jessie also furiously typed on her computer which was lodged between her folded knees and her stomach, medical journals spread next to her, some pages carefully marked by little yellow post-it notes.
As Katie read a proposal from Mexico on how to allocate South American oil production to cover the reduced output from the Middle East, she glanced at Jessie's screen. Whatever it was, it seemed as boring as what she was reading, with tables and graphs and numbers.
"What are you working on?" she finally asked Jessie.
"Oh, my part of this article we're writing for the New England Journal of Medicine. We had a case last month of an apparent complete disappearance of HIV from this 6-month old baby born to a woman with advanced AIDS, without the benefit of any real synthetic chemical alteration or input – that's medication in peasant terms to you, " as Jessie threw her a mocking glance, "but it happened after I, I mean we, attached a portion of the baby's preserved umbilical cord to its colon to replace some damage intestines. That poor child has had more medical procedure done to him in 6 months than anyone could ever expect in a lifetime," Jessie sighed as she continued typing, periodically glancing at the journals in front of her.
"Amazing," Katie answered, "Simply amazing."
"Oh, it was amazing. But see the umbilical cord is…" Jessie started to say before Katie interrupted her.
"No, THIS is amazing," Katie said as she kissed Jessie while pointing to the laptops before them, "Because we are both working. We are actually freakin' working."
=================================
Saturday Morning
"So after Sabine, there was Nenushka then Claire…" Katie rattled off the names of her former girlfriends as she fingered Jessie's hair then running her fingers across Jessie's soft skin before settling on Jessie's hand.
"Katie, you ARE such a slut," Jessie said, pretending to say it in jest although she could not really hide her jealousy and pain.
"WERE, as in past tense," Katie corrected her. "But let's not talk about them anymore, okay? It's not really that important. Really. Let's talk about you. Name some names, I want to know who my replacements were."
"Nobody," Jessie said, "You were the first and the last, my Alpha and Omega."
"Really?" Katie did not believe what she was hearing. "Not even one? Not even a kiss?"
"Well, there were kisses…" Jessie said, but Katie interrupted her again, "Aha! I knew I was not the only slut!" Katie said.
"Katie, you were The Only slut," Jessie replied, "because kisses don't count. Kisses were like appetizers to help you decide whether you want to order the entrée. And I never ordered the entrée, not once."
"You were starving yourself again?" Katie said before Jessie gave her one of those looks. "Okay then, I was The Only slut. But really, I couldn't help it. I had the word "slut" tattooed in my arm before mom and dad brought me home from the hospital. I got my doctorate in slut science. I am Dr. Kathleen Singer, Doctor of Slutscophy," Katie said as she turned around to kiss Jessie's neck and caress her bare skin one more.
"Katie, I am so not finding this amusing," Jessie dismissed this display of passion, still giving Katie The Look.
"I know," Katie answered before she said, more solemnly, "But you abandoned me. Why did you have to live with your dad, when your mom stayed in Sinclair? Why did you have to go?"
"Katie, I asked my mother the same question many, many times. She finally gave me the answer before I left for medical school," Jessie said as she looked at Katie who eagerly awaited her answer, "And she said it broke her heart when I left because Eli was also leaving for college, but she said she had to let me go so I could experience living in another continent, experience another culture, taste and feel and see what other people outside America are doing. She said she could never possibly give me, not in a million years, the lessons I learned the 2 years I was in Australia."
"And was she right?" Katie asked, although she already knew the answer, for she too respected the lessons taught outside the safety of a classroom.
"I would not change a thing," Jessie replied.
============================
MASS. GENERAL HOSPITAL
Boston, MA
Following Monday
"Dr. Sammler, another one," Ruth said mischievously as she placed another bouquet of flowers, this time lilies and dandelions and other colorful spring flowers on Jessie's desk. It was only 10 in the morning and Jessie was in her office reviewing files before her next procedure scheduled that afternoon. She looked around – there were already 10 bouquets of flowers delivered to the 5th floor since that morning.
"Thanks, Ruth. Can you please close my door?" Jessie said as she picked up the phone.
"Dr. Singer's office, how may I help you?" Helen answered from the other line.
"Hi, is she available? Please tell her it's Dr. Sammler," Jessie quipped.
"Hold on, please, let me check," then Jessie heard some elevator music playing.
"The flower shop downstairs only had enough flowers to make 15 bouquets for today, and I did not want to deprive any really sick person of flowers so you are only getting 10," Katie said without even saying hello. "But I am having Helen track down the all other flower shops in the vicinity of the hospital so…"
"Katie, enough. I get it. We both had a fantastic time together, but really, I feel like I am in my own funeral," Jessie said, smiling at the flowers.
"Or wedding," Katie added.
"Ha-ha-ha," Jessie pretended to laugh trying not to pay attention to what Katie just said.
"Well, thanks for the flowers and please don't get me wrong, I appreciate the gesture and the thoughts but please don't send anymore flowers. Someone somewhere might really need them, especially if they just cheated on their wives, and we don't want them to go home empty-handed now, do we?" Jessie smiled.
"Well, expect a few more, I think Helen already placed the orders, but I promise I won't leave pandering husbands empty," Katie said.
"Well, I better go, I have to prepare for my one o'clock and I am still going through my emails. I have already deleted 118, all marked urgent, and I have 97 left to delete," Jessie said.
"Did you at least read them before you chucked them?" Katie asked, while looking at her computer screen.
"Hell, no," Jessie said.
"I'll call you later," Katie smiled, "What time are you off?"
"I'm on call for the next 3 days. I am paying for my sudden streak of unpredictability and adventure, so technically, I should be in the hospital premises for the next 72 hours but we do get a few hours break here and there, you know, to go home and shower, and sleep," Jessie answered.
"Well, I'll try all your numbers until I get you, and if I don't, I'll still keep on trying. How's that?" Katie asked.
"Sounds like a real stupid use of your time, but okay then," Jessie said as she hung up the phone.
========================
UN ECONOMIC COUNCIL
New York, NY
Katie did not know what just happened, but that conversation was bothering her and she did not really have the luxury of analyzing and decoding it right now. Jessie almost sounded … strictly professional…while she had not been able to concentrate the whole morning, busy grinning to herself and driving her secretary crazy with all her flower requests.
How could Jessie act so focused on her work while she was feeling giddy and stupid? And then she sighed… the high from the last week would eventually wear off and she too would plunge herself into her daily life.
True, Vermont was fantastic and their week was heavenly. But after she dropped Jessie home before she headed west on the Massachusetts Turnpike, the whole week began to fade into another beautiful memory – beautiful but nevertheless just that - another memory.
Katie sat and looked at the East River and wondered what she really accomplished, long term, in seeing Jessie again. She was an economist, dammit, and Long Term is always an objective.
There must be a pseudo equilibrium equation somewhere that she could use to maximize the effect of the positive aspects of their relationship while diminishing the inevitable negativity of distance and time. She proceeded to draw some formulas on her pad, not really knowing where this mental exercise would lead her but she had to find out anyway.
==================