Aishiteru, Kitto
I don't own Yugioh.
As soon as I find out how to say 'angel' in Romanized Japanese, I'm changing the title. This title goes better with one of my other fics, but I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO SAY ANGEL!!! **hint,hint**
Ok, Wildwolf actually does a shounen ai fic with non-official couplings! **gasp!** Yeah, Whitewolf's already bit my head off for it. You don't need to. This fic actually has an interesting history. I had read a humor zoo fic, but it had Seto bashing, so I decided to have my two Yugioh bishies star in one. But then I thought: 'What the hell, I can do a drama!' So I started on that, but then realized how kawaii Seto and Bakura looked together... Then I decided to try a sense of brotherly love and decided to just go full blown-out and do yaoi. Of course, Seto is mad at me and really dislikes the idea. Bakura doesn't care, it's my life.
Rated R- Hm, I'm actually doing an R-rated fic! Ok, rated R for language, attempted suicide, and sexual situations in later chapters. **nods** It's the side of Wildwolf you've never seen. But I do think it's good, and I criticize my work like hell, so that I only listen to my BETA's when it comes to posting cause I... don't like much of my work. Over-critical...
BETA reactions: Whitewolf basically bit my head off, scolding me for being a hypocrite. I said I'd never promote non-official yaoi couplings. I'm not promoting it, I'm experimenting. If I was promoting, I'd yell: 'THEY BELONG TOGETHER!' No, I'm just writing a kawaii but mature fic. There. Nuff said.
Icewolf was cool about it. She said the coupling was cute. Icewolf is more of a listener than Whitewolf, who criticizes everything. So I have Icewolf's support, and she read the rough draft of the first chapter and liked it...
Oh, another note: I'm doing a new program on this fic called 'Song of the Chapter' where I pick a song I like that goes with the chapter's moods and all. Some chapters may turn songfic, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's the song of the chapter. So there may be two songs.
The start of the fic is 3rd person, but the majority of the fic will be in Seto's POV. Some will be in Bakura's POV, some stuff that can ONLY be in Bakura's, or else it would seem bad. Um, a few scenes could be in Mokuba's POV... depends.
Chapter 1-
Seto Kaiba wanted to think. Correction, he needed to think. Between work, supporting Mokuba and himself, school, and being a teenager, he was on the brink of suicide.
He wanted to go to the park, but that was full of barking dogs and little yelling children with their babysitters while all their mommies and daddies were at work. Along the streets there were cars, screaming, and little old ladies scolding people to be more courteous.
He went to the zoo. It was his last resort. It would hopefully be quiet, what it being a weekday in the summer.
He fingered his Duel Monsters deck as I bought a ticket and entered. It smelled like an average zoo and looked like an average zoo. It was an average zoo.
His hand left his cards and swiped through his hair. Duel Monsters had been his passion, his life, his only love; but it seemed so empty now, after the Duelist Kingdom. After facing Pegasus and nearly losing Mokuba...
A patent glare wouldn't work here, so he didn't.
Instead, he went to the tiger exhibit and looked in. Seto stared at the imprisoned tiger. He had developed a fascination for the large felines. They were so much like him. Trapped, though it could be so much more...
The tiger stared back, as if jealous of the boy's –man's- freedom. Its golden eyes bore into his soul, searching for any weakness. He left the tiger exhibit, feeling naked, stripped of his cool exterior.
Of all things next were the eagles. There was a golden eagle from North America. It too looked over at him, but with a sense of ferocity. It reminded Seto of Yugi. Or, his other half. Graceful, beautiful even, and had the same look in its eye.
Regular Yugi was like... like a panda. Yeah, Yugi Mutou was like a big fuzzy panda. Seto laughed. It was a true laugh too, innocence in its purest form.
He made his way through the zoo, passing the mighty rhinos, the majestic leopards, quizzical elephants, powerful lions, the almost comical bears, and so many herd animals. Of course, he ate lunch somewhere in there, and mentally complained about the food.
But at last, he came to the last exhibit, which he was about to pass up. Arctic foxes, come on! But he watched anyway, and they were actually what interested him most. They were part of a breeding program, so there were two in there. They slept together, looking like the puppies Seto never had. But they also reminded him of someone, though who was unidentifiable.
Shrugging, he went to the souvenir shop to see if there was anything to pick up for Mokuba. Mokuba was with Yugi today, they had actually become good friends. Seto brought a stuffed panda to the counter.
"Hey Ka, how much do the pandas cost?" The girl at the register called.
"I don't know Amber, look at the tag. Courtney, help me restock!"
"Fine!" The two girls restocked the shelves while the one at the counter finally found the tag and scanned it. Spotting a postcard rack, Seto casually grabbed a card with one of the foxes on it. Twenty-five cents.
He paid, then made one more stop by the exhibit. But someone had taken his place on the bench. A small, frail, white-haired figure. Ryou Bakura.
"Hello Kaiba." Bakura smiled.
"What are you doing here?" Seto returned.
"I could very well ask you the same thing." Bakura laughed. Then his gaze went over to the exhibits. "I'm here because it's peaceful to come when there are no crowds and the animals are much more active. You?"
Seto was becoming annoyed by his overly-good nature, but answered anyway. "I've been feeling stressed. Between work and life in general, I don't see much point in living."
Bakura now looked at him sadly. "I would think your brother was a reason."
"He is the only reason."
Bakura scooted to the end of the bench. "You can sit down."
"I prefer to stand."
"Whatever."
"But you know how it is," Seto continued, though he didn't know why, "being a teenager. But add having to support you brother and running a multi-million dollar corporation, and you get to feeling suicidal."
"At least you don't have another self that is so violent and cruel and completely different from you." Ryou pointed out, though put himself in a bad position.
Now Seto felt sorry for him.
But Ryou's face brightened up. "Why don't you and your brother come over for dinner? Father and I could use the company." He shrugged casually.
"Mokuba is over at Yugi's." He stated simply.
"Ok, just you then. It would help to get out for a while."
Not even when hell freezes over. Seto thought bitterly. But what came out was: "Sure, whatever."
"Great!" He checked his watch. "It's about 3:00 now, so we should head back. Did... you come in a car?"
"No, I walked." He now wished he had driven, however.
"Oh, as did I." Bakura nodded. "Shall we go?"
"Ok." Seto knew he was just trying to be nice, as a lot of people used to do, but it seemed to work more affectively.
One of the foxes opened its eyes and peered at him curiously. Seto swore he saw the glimmer of Bakura's eyes in there instead.
Bakura's father was a great cook; that was the only way to describe it. He had sandy brown hair and gray-brown eyes. His skin was tanned a little, probably from his work as an archeologist. As his son was, he was also good natured.
They went on with the normal 'kid brings their friend over' standard conversation, including the 'So, you two know each other from school' and the classic 'You're a Duelist too?'
After finishing, Seto announced that he was to leave. After saying goodbye and bowing in thanks, he walked home.
~Seto's POV~
I guess you could say that I felt troubled from then on. It wasn't gratitude that I felt, nor ingratitude. It was something more. Could it be friendship? Maybe. I had never felt actual friendship before. Rather, I had been too full of work and too full of myself to even try to get along with others. I had become shadowed by my own aesthetic needs.
Oh great Seto, I told myself, you're becoming a poet. Stop while you're ahead.
Droplets of water started to fall as I reached the house. Closing the door, I shook my head to relieve myself of collected water. Automatically, I noticed the TV was on. Mokuba was home.
"Seto!" His head appeared over the couch. He had on his own unique grin. "Guess what, Yugi taught me how to play Duel Monsters! I'm gonna be as good as you someday." He had a look of determination reflected in his eyes that reminded me of myself when I was younger, before my life had gotten all fucked up.
I chuckled anyway and rubbed the top of his head. Yeah, he probably would become better than me someday. Knowing my usual self-esteem level... and the fact that he was in better living conditions than I was at his age. And he believed in his cards with childish innocence.
"Hey, you got something to eat, right?" I asked.
"Yeah." He answered, turning back to his TV program. A Duel Monsters tournament, the thing I used to care about more than anything. I may start back up, someday. But for now, retirement was the life.
I reached into my bag and pulled out the panda. I knew Mokuba was getting too old for toys like that, but still. Couldn't resist. "Hey, got you something." I set it on top of his head. He looked upwards and it fell into his lap.
"Thanks Big Brother!" He stood up on the couch. I bent down and he hugged me around the neck. Straining, I picked him up. He was growing up fast, but still my little brother. "Hey Seto?" He asked, looking at me.
"Yeah?"
"Are you going back to playing Duel Monsters? I mean, if you don't, then there may not be a reason for me to."
I set him down and he looked back up at me. "Mokuba, you play, ok? Be what I couldn't. Listen to Yugi, he's a good Duelist. But, don't tell him I said that."
"Ok, but you still didn't answer my question."
Damn, he's getting a lot smarter too.
"Well, I may. It all depends on how I feel." Hopefully, that was a suitable enough answer.
"Alright. Where were you though?"
"I was at the zoo. I met Bakura there and we hung out."
"Seto, if you can be friends with Bakura, can't you be friends with Yugi as well? I mean, they're all cool. You'd like hanging around with them."
"It's all about principles." I shook my head and smiled sadly. "Yugi and I are rivals. We both want to be the best at the game. It would be strange if we hung out, wouldn't it?"
He got the point, though it was lame. "Ok, but at least try, alright?"
"We'll see." I turned and walked upstairs to my room. I still got bad vibes from when Pegasus had sent him goons to try and kill me, but it was one of the safest places for me to be.
Mokuba was on my mind, blocking out any other thoughts that may have been in my mind previously. I love my brother. As I had told Bakura, he was my only reason for living. And I had almost lost him. And because of Yugi, I didn't. I was bitter, but was grateful. Strange feeling, eh? It happens.
Gozaburo, you fucking bastard. You may have gotten Mokuba and I out of the orphanage, but you brought us into hell. You gave us wealth, but pain and misery. You trained me like a dog and were so cruel to him. I didn't care what you did to me, as long as you didn't hurt him. All I wanted was a home for him, and for me to be there to protect him. But no, you wanted an heir to your corporation. Well, you got one dammit! A coldhearted jackass who can't even live a normal life anymore. I hope your happy, dad. You have a 'son' that rants to himself for absolutely no reason!
Enough of that Seto. I calmed myself down. Enough of that, back to normal life, as normal as it could be. Sleep was what I needed, though it was only around seven now. Yeah, sleep. But sleep was a luxury for those who could afford it. I could afford almost everything, but not that simple comfort. Sucks, huh?
But I undressed and tried anyway. And somehow I did.
~
There was Bakura and Mokuba. They were waving at me. Yugi was behind them. But so was Yugi's other self. And... a panda. Yeah, that's right, a panda. Weird.
A Blue Eyes White Dragon roared. I couldn't see it, but I could hear it. The only way I knew that it was a Blue Eyes was a feeling in my heart.
I looked behind me and Mokuba stood there. Looking the direction I was previously facing, I saw no one was there now. I turned back to Mokuba. But it wasn't Mokuba. It was me. Me as a little child with big eyes and scuffed up hair. He wore jeans and a T-shirt, not the attire I wear now.
"Hi Seto." He said in a childish voice, one that I remembered from... how long ago was it?
I bent down to him and put a hand on his shoulder, trying to see if he was real.
"Yeah, I'm real. I used to be you, but now... you see how you are. 'Coldhearted jackass'? Isn't that just a little harsh? Listen to Mokuba, make friends. I've been asleep for so long, dreaming of when I'd come back into the world. Wake me up, ok?"
He seemed to grow older, until he was a mirror image of myself, except in the same clothes as younger me. Large blue-white wings grew out of his back as he became a Blue Eyes White Dragon. With that, he flew off and I was left alone.
~
"Oh man, strange dream." I murmured to myself, trying to sit up. It was just... bizarre. I stretched, dressed myself, and then walked out into the hall. A smell caught my attention.
Walking downstairs, I watched Mokuba in the kitchen. He was cooking on the stove. Bacon, eggs, and pancakes. How the hell does he do all that...?
"Hey, who said you could use the stove?" I asked.
He shrugged nonchalantly. "I thought you could use a good breakfast, for once. It's Friday, why don't we go out and do something. I know you're vacation's almost up and you'll have to go back into work soon, so please."
I couldn't resist. "Fine. What to do?"
How did I end up here? I asked myself. I stood in front of the card store as Mokuba impatiently pulled on my sleeve.
"Seto, you promised."
"Fine." I growled. I opened the door and walked in.
"Kaiba?" The whole group asked.
"What are you doing here?" Jounouchi glared at me.
I pointed at Mokuba and left it at that. Jounouchi made me irritable. But obviously, I wasn't very popular within their little group of friends.
I made eye contact with each one in turn. Yugi, Jounouchi, Honda, Anzu, Bakura. They all seemed to stare back at me with a hard expression, except for Bakura. Well, at least he's accepted me.
"I-I brought him to hang out with us." Mokuba said.
Yugi looked down at him and smiled. "That's perfectly ok with me."
"With I as well." Bakura said with his English accent. It was strange to hear.
Jounouchi looked as if he would kill me if I just so opened my mouth, but he nodded anyway. As did Anzu and Honda.
"If Yugi's ok with it, I guess I am too." Anzu said.
"Well, welcome to the group Kaiba."
I had been accepted. Bakura looked over at me and smiled happily. A feeling came over me. I don't know what, but something. But I ignored it. Looking back on this, I should have tried figuring it out then. But at least I know that he was the first to accept me.
Song of the Chapter:
Superman
Five For Fighting
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
I'm more than a bird...I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd...but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won't you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me
Up, up and away...away from me
It's all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy...or anything...
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
It's not easy to be me