Ranma 1/2 : Ministry of Confusion
Part 11
A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(Most characters copyright Rumiko Takahashi, obviously. If
I ever even considered claiming that these were my own
characters I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where
I'd be forced to eat my own lungs to live.)
-=-
Kodachi looked up through the rain at the towering painting.
Not a bad likeness, Kodachi thought. She was more surprised
at her officer's reaction, which although expected, was in the
extremes.
"Don't stare like that," she ordered. "You could get a
bloody nose."
"H... Hai, ma'am," the officer said, averting his eyes from
the thing.
Kodachi was actually very amused. Towering into the three
story range, drawn carefully around the windows, was a full body
picture of herself, with a cartoony talk balloon reading 'I've
got nothing to hide!'. Which was correct; the picture depicted
her completely naked.
"I have a MUCH better figure than that," she joked.
"Ma'am? What do you want us to do about this?" he asked.
"You just give the word and I'll have the boys go track down
these Ministry of Confusion perverts faster than you can say--"
"No thanks," she dismissed. "They're no threat."
"But... the text at the bottom?" the officer asked, pointing
without looking.
Kodachi reread it. The words 'YEAH, RIGHT!' were scrawled
in blood red letters near her knees, with a smaller, more legible
paragraph next to that :
We're looking for a few good freaks of nature! If
you're a rejected experiment into biogenetics of
Kodachi's and you're looking to get a little
disgruntled at your ex-employer, contact us at
an935@anon.serv2.mx. Friends and family of freaks
are invited in the fun too! We're ready to
believe you.
Kodachi frowned. "Have the boys infiltrate... what's the mx
stand for again? I'm not much on computers."
"Mexico, ma'am."
"Have the boys infiltrate Mexico and shut the server down,"
Kodachi suggested.
"Ma'am, I only see two failings of logic in that. One, we
can't invade Mexico. Two, wouldn't it just be easier to find
these guys and bring them in for questioning? I mean, this
painting isn't the FIRST one we've found--"
"I'm fully aware of the situation," Kodachi nodded. "At
least sixteen of these things... still, it is little more than a
prank, typical of the Ministry of Confusion."
"What about the bomb they set off yesterday at the shopping
mall?"
"What about it? You have your orders, soldier. Erase this
painting and the others and consider the matter settled. When
the time is right, we'll punish these terrorists. Not one minute
before."
"Umm, ma'am, we tried erasing them... the paintings won't
come off."
"Very well, then demolish the building!" Kodachi said. "Do
I have to think of everything myself? Honestly, what do I pay
you for?"
"Hai, ma'am! We'll see to demolishing all... sixteen...
buildings," the soldier said.
"And according to your files, you're late for a standard
dental checkup," Kodachi said, examining the clipboard she was
carrying. "See to it that you see the staff dentist."
"Ma'am, I just had a cavity drilled."
"That's not a standard dental checkup, now, is it?"
"No, I guess not. I'll go get a wrecking crew. Don't you
worry, ma'am, we'll get these paintings down."
"Glad to hear it," Kodachi nodded.
*
Ranma sat back on the rear porch of the dojo, observing the
wall.
The wall wasn't much to look at. Once, he thought, maybe
you would have been able to see the sky without bending your neck
backwards like a PEZ dispenser... now there were stories upon
stories of housing, business, commerce, stacked up beyond Tokyo's
normal stackness.
Even the Dojo had fallen prey to this... when it was built,
several layers of apartments were installed on top of it. More
efficient, apparently. Ranma never knew who lived up there; they
hopped on the rickety elevator and went up without a second
glance at the dojo.
He still, however, had the backyard. It was littered with
trash that the people towering above him would toss out rather
than schlep down to a MoS depot, particularly the fish pond;
which hadn't had a live fish in it in years. The water was still
there, though, an everpresent reminder of his new curse.
He was risking falling in simply by sitting on the porch,
but this was the quietest point in the house. He'd been avoiding
Akane, trying to keep his new Secret Agent Man job away from her,
as well as his curse.
Ranma sipped his root beer and watched the wall do
absolutely nothing of interest.
"Ranma? Are you okay?" Akane's voice called from the dining
room, beyond the closed door panel.
"Yeah, fine," Ranma shrugged off, taking another sip. Akane
ignored his response and opened the door, walking out to meet
him.
"So where were you today?" Akane asked.
"Doing stuff," Ranma said.
"Stuff with Yuriko?" Akane asked.
"In a way," Ranma said. "Lemme guess. You're rather
unhappy about her hanging around me."
"Why should I be?" Akane asked, a hint of bitterness in her
voice. "It's not like we'll be getting married. Go out and have
fun. Be the millionaire playboy with the bat suit in the
closet."
Ranma cringed at how close that hit to home. "Akane, you're
probably not going to believe this, but nothing's going on with
Yuriko. She's just a friend. Possibly not even that."
"You're right, I don't believe it," she said. "Whatever. I
met a new friend today myself, actually. She works at a
pizzeria... Want to hear something interesting?"
"Yeah?"
"In hindsight, I think I know who she was," Akane said,
grabbing a root beer out of the cooler next to Ranma's battered
lawn chair. "Remember Ryouga saying he modified an Akane
extender? She acted just like it. Some memory flashes, able to
break the law, and she gets lost a lot."
"Akane--"
"I know, I know, 'it's not good evidence and doesn't prove
you're human since it's not 100% fact', right?"
"Actually, sounds like a viable theory to me," Ranma said.
"Either that or someone modified ANOTHER Akane in a similar way."
"Which is unlikely."
"Right. I'm beginning to wonder if it matters if someone's
human or not. Sure, there are inhibitor thingys, but they're
alien to the organic system of the body. So are trademarks. So
once you remove all the add-ons, really, what does it matter?"
"So you think I am human?" Akane asked.
"Maybe," Ranma said, taking a tug at the aluminum can. "I
do know one thing, though. I'm not."
"Nani?" Akane blinked.
"I can't exactly explain how I found out," Ranma said, "But
I found out what Experiment-R was."
The first raindrops of the evening fell. Ranma cursed
silently, folded up his lawn chair, and dragged Akane inside
where it was nice and dry.
*
"That was really, really dumb, DT," Nabiki said, watching
the storm through her one way glass. "You had orders to get out
of there if Kodachi sent the goon squad in. Why didn't you?"
"Come on, NT, I couldn't exactly let them get caught," Deep
Thought shrugged.
"Why not? You told me yourself that there would be no way
for Kodachi to trace them back to us."
"That's no excuse to let them suffer and/or die at her
hands!" DT said. "Call it a judgement call, maybe it was bad,
but I made it. Not much came of it."
"Using a Ministry of Economics rocket launcher to take the
van out. I'd call that something. Plus, you didn't manage to
bring back a Tsubasa for examination. You're running out of
leads and I'm running out of time. Time is money, and my money
is running out on this expedition. So is my time."
"I thought you said time was--"
"The point," Nabiki interrupted, "Is that you've only got
two more shots for Ranma to uncover something we can use. I
thought you assured me the Experiment-J water would get him to
aid us. He let Hinako get away and he let Tsubasa get away."
"He didn't exactly have a choice," DT said. "If we wanted
Hinako, we'd be waiting a month. If we wanted Tsubasa we'd stand
a good chance of getting caught. Lord knows where those things
are now... I ran through the entire place with a heat tracker
looking for them, but they weren't hiding there anymore."
"Then there goes half your leads out the window. Put Ranma
on the Happousai case and let's put an end to this."
"Nabiki, please, he's only been at it for a day," DT said.
"Give the boy a chance to adjust here."
"I thought that's why we put off calling him until today."
"If we pile stress on him like this he'll snap. You've got
a lot riding on this gamble, and you shouldn't take risks."
"Risk is the only way to get anywhere in business and
government," Nabiki said. "However, I see your point. Alright.
I'll permit your boy wonder a few days to recover. Then I want
you getting him on the Happousai case. Got it?"
"Sheesh, pushy pushy," DT grumbled.
"I put up with your snide comments because you're the best
operative I've got," Nabiki warned. "Keep that in mind. You're
dismissed. Bring the results of Experiment-P up from the
Basement for auditing."
*
"That's... weird."
"I've heard weirder," Ranma shrugged. "I know it's still
not 100%, but I think it's close enough to consider true. I've
been finding lately that getting those last three percents are
incredibly hard..."
"No reason you shouldn't pursue them," Akane suggested.
"There's still a chance this other Ranma was lying... that he's
the clone and not you. What were you doing down there, anyway?"
"I got lost," Ranma said. "But that doesn't change the
matter : I'm a clone."
"How do you feel about it?"
"I don't know," Ranma shrugged. "I suppose I'm supposed to
be beating at the walls and shouting half mad rants to some
supreme being about the horror of my life, but I don't feel like
it. I don't want to go commit suicide, or whip out an Uzi at the
post office, or any number of other expected behaviors during a
life crisis. Do I really NEED to feel anything about it?"
"I guess not," Akane said.
"I think I like this idea, then. It's not denial, it's not
acceptance, it's just failing to care about the situation. It's
quite easy and relaxing once you get the hang of it. You might
want to consider it too."
"Huh?"
"Well, your status as a species is in doubt too," Ranma
said. "If it doesn't really matter for me, it shouldn't be a
problem for you either."
"Hey, these are two completely different situations," Akane
said. "I can remember my entire family life. Not little
flashes, a continuous stream. Just because I've got a little gap
where I was supposed to be dead doesn't make me a clone."
"I remember everything too, at least what they wanted me to
remember," Ranma said. "So it is the same situation."
"But it's... it's... weird," Akane said. "I can't
physically see myself as being some sort of cloned THING."
"It's not so much a 'thing' as it is an ordinary person
divided off at a certain point in time," Ranma said. "With you
being a continuation from there, which, via chaos theory, changes
considerably away from the original. That bunk about twins
leading identical lives far apart from each other is just that,
bunk."
"Where'd you hear something silly like that?"
"I found a copy of this handbook, 'Coping with Cloning'.
It's quite entertaining. You want to borrow it?"
"I don't need any stupid pamphlets!"
"Hey, I'm just trying to help," Ranma grumbled. "Sheesh.
Do a girl a favor..."
"I don't need your favors, okay?" Akane said. "I'm
perfectly alright by myself, as a HUMAN, thank you very much."
"There's no need to get mad at ME," Ranma protested. "I'm
not the one that cloned you off. Why'd you decide to volunteer
for this ridiculous technology with your sisters if you didn't
like the idea of walking xeroxes?"
"I don't know!" Akane said. "I wish Nabiki never came up
with this ridiculous idea. Maybe I'd be back at the Ministry of
Peace, keeping the country safe instead of stuck in some
pervert's dojo without knowing who I should be."
"Again with the pervert crack, always with the pervert
crack," Ranma said, groaning. "For crying out loud, Akane, I'm
not a PERVERT. I couldn't HELP but to look at you when you fell
out of that crate. You can't stick me with a label like that
just for one incident!"
"I can if I want!" Akane said, sticking out her tongue.
"And THAT," Ranma said, tapping the outstretched pink thing,
"Is why you're legally Tomboy Akane Saotome. You're so uncute
you could crack a mirror. Why would I want to gape at something
like that?"
"My name is Akane Tendo, you moron!"
"I say it's Tomboy!"
"Akane!"
"TOMBOY!"
"AKANE!!" Akane finished with, jumping to her feet. "I'M
AKANE! AKANE! Why can't you understand!?!"
With that, she ran out of the dining room, stomping down the
hall for her bedroom. The entire dojo and apartment complex atop
it shook with the force of her door closing.
Genma clicked his stopwatch, leaning in the doorframe.
"That's a new record for you, son. I think you're starting to
warm up to her."
Ranma calmly tossed his empty can at his father, without
looking. It bounced neatly off the elder Saotome's forehead.
"That's rude, boy," Genma commented.
"Whatever," Ranma said. "If that kawaiikune little tomboy
wants me to shut up so bad, I'll shut up. I don't see why I even
try talking to her anyway..."
"Don't quit now!" Genma insisted, walking over to the table
and sitting next to his son. "You two are just making progress."
"How on earth do you figure that?"
"Look at it this way. In the beginning, the only things
you'd exchange would be insults. Gradually the insults would
come after a few lines of dialogue. It's gotten to the point
where you go for entire HOURS before the insults are thrown!
That's amazing. You're doing good, boy, keep it up."
"You really think that, huh?"
"Really! Look, I know you're having your problems, but if
the trend I'm observing holds, you two'll be kissing cousins by
the end of the year."
"That's gross, pop."
"You get the point," Genma said, pushing up his glasses.
"Or would you rather argue until the end of time?"
"Aren't I supposed to?" Ranma asked, without really thinking
about it.
"Of course not! You're fiancees. You're supposed to
support each other, not pay each other's medical bills."
"Hey, I've tried!" Ranma said. "She keeps getting mad and
calling me names."
"And when she tries to be nice, the same thing happens in
reverse," Genma said. "You're as much at fault as she is, but it
only takes one of you to break that pattern. Trust me, boy. Try
this for your father. Put a hold on your temper and take
whatever she throws at you in stride. Don't ignore it, don't
counter it, just accept it. She'll see you're willing to be
sensible and will eventually calm down too."
"You think that'd do it, huh?" Ranma asked.
"Positive."
Ranma thought. Be... NICE to Akane? The tomboy?... okay,
MAYBE, and this is a definite maybe, she wasn't that much of a
tomboy. She was violent, though. Could that really be cured
just by throwing a little kindness at her and sticking to his
guns?
It would be nice not to have to yell so much...
"Alright, I'll try," Ranma said. "Even if it's just so we
don't get Ministry of Sanitation types bursting in here for
disturbing the peace. We're not getting married, you know. We
don't even LIKE each other."
"One step at a time, son, one step at a time," Genma nodded,
with an evil smile. "Now, there is one other thing I'd like to
mention."
"Yeah, pop?"
"Your training," Genma said, dropping the smile faster than
the speed of sound. "I haven't seen you train ONCE in days.
You've been too busy gallivanting around with that creepy looking
Yuriko person or arguing with your fiancee. You've got a backlog
of training time to catch up on."
"Hey, I'm still fit," Ranma said, flexing a bicep. "Just
try me."
Genma reached behind himself and slid the door open to the
backyard, which was already a muddy wasteland from the rains
raging outside.
"Sorry boy, but to knock yourself into shape, you must train
solo," Genma said, grabbing Ranma by the shirt. "OUT YOU GO!"
Ranma tried to protest, but was soaring through the air
before he could wriggle himself free. Please please god don't
let me land in the pond please please don't
Splash.
Either Neitzche was right or Ranma's guardian angel wore a
propeller beanie.
Ranma pulled herself out of the swamp muck that had formed
in the backyard pond, rising slowly out of the slop and gruel of
mother nature and father industrial waste. Muck dripped from her
hair in unpleasantly recognizable shapes.
"You can come back inside when you're done!" Genma said. "I
want you practicing your attacks for the next three hours, then
you go talk kindly with your fiancee. GOT IT, BOY?"
"I got it, I got it," Ranma whined, before remembering about
the voice change.
"Your lack of training shows, Ranma!" Genma laughed.
"You're starting to sound like a GIRL! Ha ha ha ha ha..."
With that, Genma slid the door shut, and locked it.
Ranma cursed and cursed and cursed and cursed, scraping mud
off of her clothing. The rain poured down, letting a better part
of the filth wash off, but she'd still look like bride of swamp
thing upon entering the house. Swamp thing could be dealt with;
bride couldn't.
How to change back, how to change back without anybody
noticing...
*
Kodachi paced around her office, waiting.
Someone was trying to find out her secrets. She didn't
appreciate this; the very nature of a secret was that nobody knew
it beyond the person who held it, after all. If a secret was
turned over to the public, it stopped being secret. Kodachi
never, ever lost a secret.
Perhaps it was Miss Hinako. Kodachi had been trying to reel
the little muppet of destruction in for weeks now,
unsuccessfully... thirty teams she had sent out, only three
bringing the girl back; and of those three times, she'd escape
again. However, Hinako didn't seem to have a warlike spirit, nor
did she seem to want to get involved with Kodachi again. No,
Hinako was simply annoying, not deadly.
The so-called Ministry of Confusion couldn't be doing it,
either. Kodachi had seen the expert system projections of their
behavior; the painting was a surprise, but once this new data was
fed in, it projected no threat. They'd probably find new ways to
annoy the city, but it didn't matter much to Kodachi. Let the
Ministry of Sanitation deal with scraping off the paint,
rewelding the mailboxes carved up to resemble Nabiki, etc.
Hmm. Nabiki had to be behind this. And in all probability,
Nabiki had set the situation up in such a way to prevent her from
being affected. She had done it before, certainly -- Kodachi
could count on two hands the suspected Ministry of Economics
covert ops people she had dragged in that had no evidence of
Nabiki's involvement -- but the girl had to slip SOMETIME. And
Kodachi would be waiting for that day, at least as long as she
had the patience for this godforsaken town.
"Ma'am?" her intercom buzzed. "We've got the enhanced video
from the furniture warehouse ready for your perusal. We even
have a positive ID lock on one of perpetrators."
Kodachi brightened, at least as far as was physically
possible for her. "Namely?"
"One Ranma Saotome, heir to some kind of dojo. We have him
on file as being pulled in once before--"
"Ranma darling!" Kodachi laughed, clasping her hands to her
heart. "Ah, such bittersweet treachery. That wicked Nabiki, to
use the one man I could never harm... much... as her agent!"
"Uhhh... eh?" the voice mumbled, confused. "Should we pull
him in again for questioning?"
"No thanks," Kodachi smiled, slapping the OFF button on the
intercom. Her computer displayed the digital footage, scanned
off videotape... bad quality, but her photo editing and
manipulation experts at the propaganda department could do
wonders with showing truth on film, whether it was there or not.
Sure enough, Ranma was there, along with some other blonde
haired boy. The crew hadn't been able to do much with the other
boy, since he had the luck not to be caught dead-face by any
cameras. He looked a bit like Ranma, actually... perhaps someone
in a cheap disguise.
Still... Ranma! Nabiki simply didn't know when to give up
her discarded toys, did she? That took balls, utilizing your own
secret project to further your cause. It was what Kodachi had
done with the Tsubasa horde, of course, but that's what they were
designed to do in the first place. At least until they went
brain-dead. Poor things... such good camouflage troops they
made! The near-perfect warrior.
That was the problem, wasn't it? Kodachi never managed to
make the perfect warrior species. Hinako had been a fairly cheap
conversion, shihatzu process simply lying in the open, waiting to
be picked up by someone who could use it... but she proved too
unstable, and untrustworthy. The Tsubasas were excellent, but
had a little problem with ignoring her orders when three o'clock
rolled around. Perhaps ordering them to remove the strange
person they chased was a bit much, but she had little choice; her
other troops were blown to kingdom come. Nobody else in the
vicinity could do it.
Who shot that missile? THAT was a threat, certainly. It
was a direct attack upon her Ministry, one that could not be
ignored. The time index on the tape had Ranma inside the
warehouse, as well as the blonde boy, so it couldn't have been
them. Did Ranma darling have a third little friend accompanying
him tonight?
There.
A mere ghost of a shadow, standing behind the boys during
the early moments of the tape. The photo crew must not have
noticed this third party... before her van exploded, this person
had left the camera range.
Kodachi rolled over the brief segment of tape, back and
forth, watching the dark blob on the screen. She tapped her
nails against the table, fourth and fifth fingers making no sound
as they tapped the ribbon dumped in a pile with her forms and
statistic files.
She tapped the intercom on again, and pushed the button for
propaganda.
"Propaganda," the gruff voice replied.
"I want an enhancement on the upper left corner of tape
seven... time index 0:00 to 2:00," Kodachi said. "I think I've
found someone I can truly let out my anger on."
"Roger. Do you want an ID lock and pull once we clear the
image up?"
"Negative, Propaganda. Too obvious. I think I may use the
specialist on this one."
"Ma'am, I thought the specialist died months ago..."
"I made sure to train a new one, anticipating such a need,"
Kodachi said, eyeing a duplicate form lying on her desk.
*
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
"Go away, Ranma!" Akane ordered, throwing a pillow at her
door. She returned to what she was doing.
"It's your father in law," Genma replied, slightly muffled
from behind the door.
"Oh!" Akane gasped, wiping her face off. "Okay. One
second."
She regained her dignity, straightened out her clothing and
went for the door. Genma filled the doorway, not seething with
rage at being treated rude.
"Gomen, Mr. Saotome," Akane apologized. "I just assumed..."
"It's okay, I can understand why," Genma nodded, walking in
and closing the door. "Ranma means well, you know. It's just
that he's not very good with words, especially not ones to the
opposite gender."
"Such a baka... what right does he have claiming I'm not
human?" Akane asked. "It's like he WANTS to make me angry."
"Actually, Akane, it's more like you want him to make you
angry," Genma grinned.
"..." Akane started.
"I've been observing you two," Genma noted, waving his
stopwatch around. "You like to fight. Shows you care."
"I don't care for that baka!"
"Then why have you been crying?" Genma asked.
"I have not!" Akane sniffled.
"Uh-huh. I can see the riverbeds. Don't worry, Akane, I'm
not here to insult you. I'd just like to ask that you give my
son a chance. If both of you can keep your tempers in check long
enough and ignore the urge to argue, maybe the dojo'll be a more
peaceful place because of it."
"There's no way I could get along with him," Akane denied.
"Never, ever, ever. He's just so... SO... I don't know. So
something that I can't explain."
"I know you're having a problem expressing it," Genma said,
"But give it a shot. Be nice to him for awhile. Try for me.
Please?"
Akane thought. NOT argue with that baka? The one who calls
her names, sticks his tongue out at her, what have you... but it
would be nice, just a bit nice for a change not to need to
argue...
"I'll try," Akane nodded, wiping her nose with a hankie.
"Ugh, I'm a mess. I think I'm going to go take a bath. Mr.
Saotome?... thanks."
Genma nodded, smiling, and headed out of the room.
*
While the two children were contemplating their future,
Genma was celebrating his.
Hah. And that ridiculous Psychology 101 teacher said he was
no better than a D+. Genma was busy basking in the glow of his
own ego, Genma the Relationship Doctor, Genma the Healer of
Broken Homes, Genma the Wise. Maybe he could get a radio show!
"Hello, you're live with Dr. Saotome... I'm listening," he
said to the air, chuckling and kicking back some beer.
Well, okay, maybe that was pushing it. But still... WHOA!
Single handedly got his kids back on the path of true happiness.
Nothing could stop the wedding now; Abigail Nodoka would be so
proud. What could possibly go wrong?
*
Ranma wiped the water out of her eyes for the fourth time.
She couldn't believe it. She had tried climbing the
building to no avail. The trees snapped easily with her weight.
The door was locked, and to rip through the paper covering was
simply unthinkable. There was no way around to the front of the
dojo... but the bathroom window was open. WIDE OPEN.
How could she not notice the PERFECT escape route?! Just
slip in there, run a hot bath, scrub up and go inside. Sure, pop
would be mad she didn't train, but Ranma did NOT want to catch a
cold in this horrible weather. She's go talk to Akane, see what
comes of it, and finally put an end to this weird day with a good
night's rest. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day.
Ranma eased herself up to the window, which was at head-
height, and pulled herself inside, expecting to land in the empty
bathtub.
Funny, she thought on the way in, how there was steam rising
from the tub...
Ranma plopped into the hot water, causing the tub to
overflow and water to run down the drain. His muscles rearranged
themselves to their original positions, with little or no
reaction; Ranma was too busy reacting to the other person in the
tub, who had just reacted his presence.
Akane squirmed away from the muddy, eye-popping Ranma,
trying to cover whatever she could. "AIEEEEEEE!" she stated.
"Aaaa... AKANE?!" Ranma gasped.
"YOU HENTAI!!!" Akane screamed. "And after I almost
considered... OOOOHHH!"
"Whoa, hold up, Akane, I can expl--"
" R A N M A N O B A K A ! " Akane thundered, rearing
back for a swing.
*
Genma choked violently on his beverage as an explosion
rocked the dojo, and the housing above. Dogs barked. Neighbors
screamed incoherently.
He dropped the half empty can and charged down the hall,
towards the source of the disturbance, only to see Ranma embedded
three inches into the wall, with Akane (wrapped in a towel)
trying to pull him out.
"HENTAI! HENTAI!" Akane shouted, slapping the dazed boy
around. Genma quickly slid to a halt, and grabbed Akane to pull
her away.
"Whoa!" he wheezed, using all his strength to peel the girl
away from his son. "What happened?"
"I was taking a bath and this peeping tom fell in from the
window!" Akane shouted, pointing to Ranma, whose eyes were
rolling around independently. "I should have never listened to
you. He IS a pervert, and an IDIOT!"
"Uuurggh..." Ranma groaned, stumbling out of his impression
in the wall. "If YOU would sit still for a minute and listen to
my explanations before getting violent, you'd KNOW what that was
all about."
"I don't want your excuses! I had you pegged as a weirdo
from the start, and it looks like I'm right," Akane said,
wrestling out of Genma's grip. "I HATE YOU!"
"That's mutual!" Ranma yelled back. "How could ANYBODY
marry a violent maniac like you? I'd be murdered before my
wedding day over choice of dinnerware pattern!"
"You're the meanest... no, meanest is too POSITIVE for what
you are!" Akane said. "Ranma, you're meaner than mean. You're
just evil!"
"Ehhhh... ummmm..." Genma started, not quite sure where his
mystical powers over the human psyche went. "Can I say
something?"
"NO!!" both kids shouted, air currents physically knocking
Genma over.
"Look, Akane, you're can't go exploding over every little
thing I do!" Ranma said. "Honestly, you've got to calm down once
in awhile! You're practically wired to explode twenty four hours
a day!"
"You're one to speak, always calling me -- and even NAMING
me -- a Tomboy," Akane reminded. "I don't have to sit here and
take this abuse from you."
"Neither do I, for that matter!" Ranma said. "If I didn't
live here I'd be out the door like THAT."
"What, so you're saying you want me to leave?" Akane asked,
snarling.
"What? No, but--"
"Then fine, I'm out of here!" Akane proclaimed, stomping off
to her room. Ranma groaned, muttered something about cuteness
and followed.
"I just wanted to say..." Genma started, before realizing
there was nobody left to talk to.
*
"Akane, you can't be serious," Ranma said, watching the
whirling ball of annoyed girl toss whatever possessions she had
into a shopping back. "You can't move out. Where would you go?
You don't have a job, you don't have anywhere to stay, you don't
have any friends--"
"I do too have friends," Akane said, grabbing her schoolbag
off the floor. "Lots of friends. A list. You're not on that
list, of course."
"I'm not surprised. Alright, if you want to jump to
conclusions about me, storm out of here and get killed on the
streets, fine by me. Serves you right."
Akane paused to smack Ranma one across the cheek, and was
right back into her angry stomp towards the door.
"TOMBOY!" Ranma called to her, rubbing his face.
"PERVERT!" she shouted, without a backwards glance. The
door opened, the door slammed, the building shook and that was
that.
Hmph. Well, it's probably better this way, Ranma reasoned.
Clearly she didn't like life here and I clearly didn't like
having her around, yelling at me and beating me up. Maybe now
that she's gone my life will settle down a little--
Ranma felt himself being lifted off the ground. He derailed
his train of thought and looked up, directly into Genma's eyes.
If it was possible, they would have been burning red with the
very fires of hell.
"YOU FOOL!" Genma insulted, tossing Ranma against the
nearest wall. "What happened to calming down? What happened to
your promise to get along with Akane?"
"It's not my fault," Ranma objected, sliding up against the
wall. "If she would have shut up and listened--"
"It was BOTH of your faults," Genma said. "And if she's
leaving this house, so are you!"
"I wish she'd... eh?" Ranma stopped.
"Pack and get out," Genma said, pointing to the door. "And
you're not coming back until you've got Akane with you!"
*
Akane charged blindly through the rain, not particularly
caring where the currents took her. The water was leaking into
her open shopping bag, probably drenching her only material
possessions in life, but she didn't care about that either.
"Ranma no baka," the muttered to herself, picking up her
running pace a little more. Anything to get her away from that
dojo.
She realized this was probably a mistake, but there wasn't
any turning back now. It was expected of her to leave now and
not come back... to come running and crying after a scene like
that was simply, well, stupid. No. She had to keep going.
Maybe she could get Wrong Way to put her up, or maybe go see
Gosunkugi--
Her forward momentum resulted in a very nasty bounce as the
red-suited officer stepped out from a nearby alley. Akane lost
her balance, and landed rear first on the wet concrete.
Henry Tuttle Wataru stepped out after the massive trooper.
"Out for a bit of a stroll, miss?" he asked, grinning.
End of File
Ministry of Data record GH.3704.7734.11
Private use only
Part 11
A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(Most characters copyright Rumiko Takahashi, obviously. If
I ever even considered claiming that these were my own
characters I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where
I'd be forced to eat my own lungs to live.)
-=-
Kodachi looked up through the rain at the towering painting.
Not a bad likeness, Kodachi thought. She was more surprised
at her officer's reaction, which although expected, was in the
extremes.
"Don't stare like that," she ordered. "You could get a
bloody nose."
"H... Hai, ma'am," the officer said, averting his eyes from
the thing.
Kodachi was actually very amused. Towering into the three
story range, drawn carefully around the windows, was a full body
picture of herself, with a cartoony talk balloon reading 'I've
got nothing to hide!'. Which was correct; the picture depicted
her completely naked.
"I have a MUCH better figure than that," she joked.
"Ma'am? What do you want us to do about this?" he asked.
"You just give the word and I'll have the boys go track down
these Ministry of Confusion perverts faster than you can say--"
"No thanks," she dismissed. "They're no threat."
"But... the text at the bottom?" the officer asked, pointing
without looking.
Kodachi reread it. The words 'YEAH, RIGHT!' were scrawled
in blood red letters near her knees, with a smaller, more legible
paragraph next to that :
We're looking for a few good freaks of nature! If
you're a rejected experiment into biogenetics of
Kodachi's and you're looking to get a little
disgruntled at your ex-employer, contact us at
an935@anon.serv2.mx. Friends and family of freaks
are invited in the fun too! We're ready to
believe you.
Kodachi frowned. "Have the boys infiltrate... what's the mx
stand for again? I'm not much on computers."
"Mexico, ma'am."
"Have the boys infiltrate Mexico and shut the server down,"
Kodachi suggested.
"Ma'am, I only see two failings of logic in that. One, we
can't invade Mexico. Two, wouldn't it just be easier to find
these guys and bring them in for questioning? I mean, this
painting isn't the FIRST one we've found--"
"I'm fully aware of the situation," Kodachi nodded. "At
least sixteen of these things... still, it is little more than a
prank, typical of the Ministry of Confusion."
"What about the bomb they set off yesterday at the shopping
mall?"
"What about it? You have your orders, soldier. Erase this
painting and the others and consider the matter settled. When
the time is right, we'll punish these terrorists. Not one minute
before."
"Umm, ma'am, we tried erasing them... the paintings won't
come off."
"Very well, then demolish the building!" Kodachi said. "Do
I have to think of everything myself? Honestly, what do I pay
you for?"
"Hai, ma'am! We'll see to demolishing all... sixteen...
buildings," the soldier said.
"And according to your files, you're late for a standard
dental checkup," Kodachi said, examining the clipboard she was
carrying. "See to it that you see the staff dentist."
"Ma'am, I just had a cavity drilled."
"That's not a standard dental checkup, now, is it?"
"No, I guess not. I'll go get a wrecking crew. Don't you
worry, ma'am, we'll get these paintings down."
"Glad to hear it," Kodachi nodded.
*
Ranma sat back on the rear porch of the dojo, observing the
wall.
The wall wasn't much to look at. Once, he thought, maybe
you would have been able to see the sky without bending your neck
backwards like a PEZ dispenser... now there were stories upon
stories of housing, business, commerce, stacked up beyond Tokyo's
normal stackness.
Even the Dojo had fallen prey to this... when it was built,
several layers of apartments were installed on top of it. More
efficient, apparently. Ranma never knew who lived up there; they
hopped on the rickety elevator and went up without a second
glance at the dojo.
He still, however, had the backyard. It was littered with
trash that the people towering above him would toss out rather
than schlep down to a MoS depot, particularly the fish pond;
which hadn't had a live fish in it in years. The water was still
there, though, an everpresent reminder of his new curse.
He was risking falling in simply by sitting on the porch,
but this was the quietest point in the house. He'd been avoiding
Akane, trying to keep his new Secret Agent Man job away from her,
as well as his curse.
Ranma sipped his root beer and watched the wall do
absolutely nothing of interest.
"Ranma? Are you okay?" Akane's voice called from the dining
room, beyond the closed door panel.
"Yeah, fine," Ranma shrugged off, taking another sip. Akane
ignored his response and opened the door, walking out to meet
him.
"So where were you today?" Akane asked.
"Doing stuff," Ranma said.
"Stuff with Yuriko?" Akane asked.
"In a way," Ranma said. "Lemme guess. You're rather
unhappy about her hanging around me."
"Why should I be?" Akane asked, a hint of bitterness in her
voice. "It's not like we'll be getting married. Go out and have
fun. Be the millionaire playboy with the bat suit in the
closet."
Ranma cringed at how close that hit to home. "Akane, you're
probably not going to believe this, but nothing's going on with
Yuriko. She's just a friend. Possibly not even that."
"You're right, I don't believe it," she said. "Whatever. I
met a new friend today myself, actually. She works at a
pizzeria... Want to hear something interesting?"
"Yeah?"
"In hindsight, I think I know who she was," Akane said,
grabbing a root beer out of the cooler next to Ranma's battered
lawn chair. "Remember Ryouga saying he modified an Akane
extender? She acted just like it. Some memory flashes, able to
break the law, and she gets lost a lot."
"Akane--"
"I know, I know, 'it's not good evidence and doesn't prove
you're human since it's not 100% fact', right?"
"Actually, sounds like a viable theory to me," Ranma said.
"Either that or someone modified ANOTHER Akane in a similar way."
"Which is unlikely."
"Right. I'm beginning to wonder if it matters if someone's
human or not. Sure, there are inhibitor thingys, but they're
alien to the organic system of the body. So are trademarks. So
once you remove all the add-ons, really, what does it matter?"
"So you think I am human?" Akane asked.
"Maybe," Ranma said, taking a tug at the aluminum can. "I
do know one thing, though. I'm not."
"Nani?" Akane blinked.
"I can't exactly explain how I found out," Ranma said, "But
I found out what Experiment-R was."
The first raindrops of the evening fell. Ranma cursed
silently, folded up his lawn chair, and dragged Akane inside
where it was nice and dry.
*
"That was really, really dumb, DT," Nabiki said, watching
the storm through her one way glass. "You had orders to get out
of there if Kodachi sent the goon squad in. Why didn't you?"
"Come on, NT, I couldn't exactly let them get caught," Deep
Thought shrugged.
"Why not? You told me yourself that there would be no way
for Kodachi to trace them back to us."
"That's no excuse to let them suffer and/or die at her
hands!" DT said. "Call it a judgement call, maybe it was bad,
but I made it. Not much came of it."
"Using a Ministry of Economics rocket launcher to take the
van out. I'd call that something. Plus, you didn't manage to
bring back a Tsubasa for examination. You're running out of
leads and I'm running out of time. Time is money, and my money
is running out on this expedition. So is my time."
"I thought you said time was--"
"The point," Nabiki interrupted, "Is that you've only got
two more shots for Ranma to uncover something we can use. I
thought you assured me the Experiment-J water would get him to
aid us. He let Hinako get away and he let Tsubasa get away."
"He didn't exactly have a choice," DT said. "If we wanted
Hinako, we'd be waiting a month. If we wanted Tsubasa we'd stand
a good chance of getting caught. Lord knows where those things
are now... I ran through the entire place with a heat tracker
looking for them, but they weren't hiding there anymore."
"Then there goes half your leads out the window. Put Ranma
on the Happousai case and let's put an end to this."
"Nabiki, please, he's only been at it for a day," DT said.
"Give the boy a chance to adjust here."
"I thought that's why we put off calling him until today."
"If we pile stress on him like this he'll snap. You've got
a lot riding on this gamble, and you shouldn't take risks."
"Risk is the only way to get anywhere in business and
government," Nabiki said. "However, I see your point. Alright.
I'll permit your boy wonder a few days to recover. Then I want
you getting him on the Happousai case. Got it?"
"Sheesh, pushy pushy," DT grumbled.
"I put up with your snide comments because you're the best
operative I've got," Nabiki warned. "Keep that in mind. You're
dismissed. Bring the results of Experiment-P up from the
Basement for auditing."
*
"That's... weird."
"I've heard weirder," Ranma shrugged. "I know it's still
not 100%, but I think it's close enough to consider true. I've
been finding lately that getting those last three percents are
incredibly hard..."
"No reason you shouldn't pursue them," Akane suggested.
"There's still a chance this other Ranma was lying... that he's
the clone and not you. What were you doing down there, anyway?"
"I got lost," Ranma said. "But that doesn't change the
matter : I'm a clone."
"How do you feel about it?"
"I don't know," Ranma shrugged. "I suppose I'm supposed to
be beating at the walls and shouting half mad rants to some
supreme being about the horror of my life, but I don't feel like
it. I don't want to go commit suicide, or whip out an Uzi at the
post office, or any number of other expected behaviors during a
life crisis. Do I really NEED to feel anything about it?"
"I guess not," Akane said.
"I think I like this idea, then. It's not denial, it's not
acceptance, it's just failing to care about the situation. It's
quite easy and relaxing once you get the hang of it. You might
want to consider it too."
"Huh?"
"Well, your status as a species is in doubt too," Ranma
said. "If it doesn't really matter for me, it shouldn't be a
problem for you either."
"Hey, these are two completely different situations," Akane
said. "I can remember my entire family life. Not little
flashes, a continuous stream. Just because I've got a little gap
where I was supposed to be dead doesn't make me a clone."
"I remember everything too, at least what they wanted me to
remember," Ranma said. "So it is the same situation."
"But it's... it's... weird," Akane said. "I can't
physically see myself as being some sort of cloned THING."
"It's not so much a 'thing' as it is an ordinary person
divided off at a certain point in time," Ranma said. "With you
being a continuation from there, which, via chaos theory, changes
considerably away from the original. That bunk about twins
leading identical lives far apart from each other is just that,
bunk."
"Where'd you hear something silly like that?"
"I found a copy of this handbook, 'Coping with Cloning'.
It's quite entertaining. You want to borrow it?"
"I don't need any stupid pamphlets!"
"Hey, I'm just trying to help," Ranma grumbled. "Sheesh.
Do a girl a favor..."
"I don't need your favors, okay?" Akane said. "I'm
perfectly alright by myself, as a HUMAN, thank you very much."
"There's no need to get mad at ME," Ranma protested. "I'm
not the one that cloned you off. Why'd you decide to volunteer
for this ridiculous technology with your sisters if you didn't
like the idea of walking xeroxes?"
"I don't know!" Akane said. "I wish Nabiki never came up
with this ridiculous idea. Maybe I'd be back at the Ministry of
Peace, keeping the country safe instead of stuck in some
pervert's dojo without knowing who I should be."
"Again with the pervert crack, always with the pervert
crack," Ranma said, groaning. "For crying out loud, Akane, I'm
not a PERVERT. I couldn't HELP but to look at you when you fell
out of that crate. You can't stick me with a label like that
just for one incident!"
"I can if I want!" Akane said, sticking out her tongue.
"And THAT," Ranma said, tapping the outstretched pink thing,
"Is why you're legally Tomboy Akane Saotome. You're so uncute
you could crack a mirror. Why would I want to gape at something
like that?"
"My name is Akane Tendo, you moron!"
"I say it's Tomboy!"
"Akane!"
"TOMBOY!"
"AKANE!!" Akane finished with, jumping to her feet. "I'M
AKANE! AKANE! Why can't you understand!?!"
With that, she ran out of the dining room, stomping down the
hall for her bedroom. The entire dojo and apartment complex atop
it shook with the force of her door closing.
Genma clicked his stopwatch, leaning in the doorframe.
"That's a new record for you, son. I think you're starting to
warm up to her."
Ranma calmly tossed his empty can at his father, without
looking. It bounced neatly off the elder Saotome's forehead.
"That's rude, boy," Genma commented.
"Whatever," Ranma said. "If that kawaiikune little tomboy
wants me to shut up so bad, I'll shut up. I don't see why I even
try talking to her anyway..."
"Don't quit now!" Genma insisted, walking over to the table
and sitting next to his son. "You two are just making progress."
"How on earth do you figure that?"
"Look at it this way. In the beginning, the only things
you'd exchange would be insults. Gradually the insults would
come after a few lines of dialogue. It's gotten to the point
where you go for entire HOURS before the insults are thrown!
That's amazing. You're doing good, boy, keep it up."
"You really think that, huh?"
"Really! Look, I know you're having your problems, but if
the trend I'm observing holds, you two'll be kissing cousins by
the end of the year."
"That's gross, pop."
"You get the point," Genma said, pushing up his glasses.
"Or would you rather argue until the end of time?"
"Aren't I supposed to?" Ranma asked, without really thinking
about it.
"Of course not! You're fiancees. You're supposed to
support each other, not pay each other's medical bills."
"Hey, I've tried!" Ranma said. "She keeps getting mad and
calling me names."
"And when she tries to be nice, the same thing happens in
reverse," Genma said. "You're as much at fault as she is, but it
only takes one of you to break that pattern. Trust me, boy. Try
this for your father. Put a hold on your temper and take
whatever she throws at you in stride. Don't ignore it, don't
counter it, just accept it. She'll see you're willing to be
sensible and will eventually calm down too."
"You think that'd do it, huh?" Ranma asked.
"Positive."
Ranma thought. Be... NICE to Akane? The tomboy?... okay,
MAYBE, and this is a definite maybe, she wasn't that much of a
tomboy. She was violent, though. Could that really be cured
just by throwing a little kindness at her and sticking to his
guns?
It would be nice not to have to yell so much...
"Alright, I'll try," Ranma said. "Even if it's just so we
don't get Ministry of Sanitation types bursting in here for
disturbing the peace. We're not getting married, you know. We
don't even LIKE each other."
"One step at a time, son, one step at a time," Genma nodded,
with an evil smile. "Now, there is one other thing I'd like to
mention."
"Yeah, pop?"
"Your training," Genma said, dropping the smile faster than
the speed of sound. "I haven't seen you train ONCE in days.
You've been too busy gallivanting around with that creepy looking
Yuriko person or arguing with your fiancee. You've got a backlog
of training time to catch up on."
"Hey, I'm still fit," Ranma said, flexing a bicep. "Just
try me."
Genma reached behind himself and slid the door open to the
backyard, which was already a muddy wasteland from the rains
raging outside.
"Sorry boy, but to knock yourself into shape, you must train
solo," Genma said, grabbing Ranma by the shirt. "OUT YOU GO!"
Ranma tried to protest, but was soaring through the air
before he could wriggle himself free. Please please god don't
let me land in the pond please please don't
Splash.
Either Neitzche was right or Ranma's guardian angel wore a
propeller beanie.
Ranma pulled herself out of the swamp muck that had formed
in the backyard pond, rising slowly out of the slop and gruel of
mother nature and father industrial waste. Muck dripped from her
hair in unpleasantly recognizable shapes.
"You can come back inside when you're done!" Genma said. "I
want you practicing your attacks for the next three hours, then
you go talk kindly with your fiancee. GOT IT, BOY?"
"I got it, I got it," Ranma whined, before remembering about
the voice change.
"Your lack of training shows, Ranma!" Genma laughed.
"You're starting to sound like a GIRL! Ha ha ha ha ha..."
With that, Genma slid the door shut, and locked it.
Ranma cursed and cursed and cursed and cursed, scraping mud
off of her clothing. The rain poured down, letting a better part
of the filth wash off, but she'd still look like bride of swamp
thing upon entering the house. Swamp thing could be dealt with;
bride couldn't.
How to change back, how to change back without anybody
noticing...
*
Kodachi paced around her office, waiting.
Someone was trying to find out her secrets. She didn't
appreciate this; the very nature of a secret was that nobody knew
it beyond the person who held it, after all. If a secret was
turned over to the public, it stopped being secret. Kodachi
never, ever lost a secret.
Perhaps it was Miss Hinako. Kodachi had been trying to reel
the little muppet of destruction in for weeks now,
unsuccessfully... thirty teams she had sent out, only three
bringing the girl back; and of those three times, she'd escape
again. However, Hinako didn't seem to have a warlike spirit, nor
did she seem to want to get involved with Kodachi again. No,
Hinako was simply annoying, not deadly.
The so-called Ministry of Confusion couldn't be doing it,
either. Kodachi had seen the expert system projections of their
behavior; the painting was a surprise, but once this new data was
fed in, it projected no threat. They'd probably find new ways to
annoy the city, but it didn't matter much to Kodachi. Let the
Ministry of Sanitation deal with scraping off the paint,
rewelding the mailboxes carved up to resemble Nabiki, etc.
Hmm. Nabiki had to be behind this. And in all probability,
Nabiki had set the situation up in such a way to prevent her from
being affected. She had done it before, certainly -- Kodachi
could count on two hands the suspected Ministry of Economics
covert ops people she had dragged in that had no evidence of
Nabiki's involvement -- but the girl had to slip SOMETIME. And
Kodachi would be waiting for that day, at least as long as she
had the patience for this godforsaken town.
"Ma'am?" her intercom buzzed. "We've got the enhanced video
from the furniture warehouse ready for your perusal. We even
have a positive ID lock on one of perpetrators."
Kodachi brightened, at least as far as was physically
possible for her. "Namely?"
"One Ranma Saotome, heir to some kind of dojo. We have him
on file as being pulled in once before--"
"Ranma darling!" Kodachi laughed, clasping her hands to her
heart. "Ah, such bittersweet treachery. That wicked Nabiki, to
use the one man I could never harm... much... as her agent!"
"Uhhh... eh?" the voice mumbled, confused. "Should we pull
him in again for questioning?"
"No thanks," Kodachi smiled, slapping the OFF button on the
intercom. Her computer displayed the digital footage, scanned
off videotape... bad quality, but her photo editing and
manipulation experts at the propaganda department could do
wonders with showing truth on film, whether it was there or not.
Sure enough, Ranma was there, along with some other blonde
haired boy. The crew hadn't been able to do much with the other
boy, since he had the luck not to be caught dead-face by any
cameras. He looked a bit like Ranma, actually... perhaps someone
in a cheap disguise.
Still... Ranma! Nabiki simply didn't know when to give up
her discarded toys, did she? That took balls, utilizing your own
secret project to further your cause. It was what Kodachi had
done with the Tsubasa horde, of course, but that's what they were
designed to do in the first place. At least until they went
brain-dead. Poor things... such good camouflage troops they
made! The near-perfect warrior.
That was the problem, wasn't it? Kodachi never managed to
make the perfect warrior species. Hinako had been a fairly cheap
conversion, shihatzu process simply lying in the open, waiting to
be picked up by someone who could use it... but she proved too
unstable, and untrustworthy. The Tsubasas were excellent, but
had a little problem with ignoring her orders when three o'clock
rolled around. Perhaps ordering them to remove the strange
person they chased was a bit much, but she had little choice; her
other troops were blown to kingdom come. Nobody else in the
vicinity could do it.
Who shot that missile? THAT was a threat, certainly. It
was a direct attack upon her Ministry, one that could not be
ignored. The time index on the tape had Ranma inside the
warehouse, as well as the blonde boy, so it couldn't have been
them. Did Ranma darling have a third little friend accompanying
him tonight?
There.
A mere ghost of a shadow, standing behind the boys during
the early moments of the tape. The photo crew must not have
noticed this third party... before her van exploded, this person
had left the camera range.
Kodachi rolled over the brief segment of tape, back and
forth, watching the dark blob on the screen. She tapped her
nails against the table, fourth and fifth fingers making no sound
as they tapped the ribbon dumped in a pile with her forms and
statistic files.
She tapped the intercom on again, and pushed the button for
propaganda.
"Propaganda," the gruff voice replied.
"I want an enhancement on the upper left corner of tape
seven... time index 0:00 to 2:00," Kodachi said. "I think I've
found someone I can truly let out my anger on."
"Roger. Do you want an ID lock and pull once we clear the
image up?"
"Negative, Propaganda. Too obvious. I think I may use the
specialist on this one."
"Ma'am, I thought the specialist died months ago..."
"I made sure to train a new one, anticipating such a need,"
Kodachi said, eyeing a duplicate form lying on her desk.
*
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
"Go away, Ranma!" Akane ordered, throwing a pillow at her
door. She returned to what she was doing.
"It's your father in law," Genma replied, slightly muffled
from behind the door.
"Oh!" Akane gasped, wiping her face off. "Okay. One
second."
She regained her dignity, straightened out her clothing and
went for the door. Genma filled the doorway, not seething with
rage at being treated rude.
"Gomen, Mr. Saotome," Akane apologized. "I just assumed..."
"It's okay, I can understand why," Genma nodded, walking in
and closing the door. "Ranma means well, you know. It's just
that he's not very good with words, especially not ones to the
opposite gender."
"Such a baka... what right does he have claiming I'm not
human?" Akane asked. "It's like he WANTS to make me angry."
"Actually, Akane, it's more like you want him to make you
angry," Genma grinned.
"..." Akane started.
"I've been observing you two," Genma noted, waving his
stopwatch around. "You like to fight. Shows you care."
"I don't care for that baka!"
"Then why have you been crying?" Genma asked.
"I have not!" Akane sniffled.
"Uh-huh. I can see the riverbeds. Don't worry, Akane, I'm
not here to insult you. I'd just like to ask that you give my
son a chance. If both of you can keep your tempers in check long
enough and ignore the urge to argue, maybe the dojo'll be a more
peaceful place because of it."
"There's no way I could get along with him," Akane denied.
"Never, ever, ever. He's just so... SO... I don't know. So
something that I can't explain."
"I know you're having a problem expressing it," Genma said,
"But give it a shot. Be nice to him for awhile. Try for me.
Please?"
Akane thought. NOT argue with that baka? The one who calls
her names, sticks his tongue out at her, what have you... but it
would be nice, just a bit nice for a change not to need to
argue...
"I'll try," Akane nodded, wiping her nose with a hankie.
"Ugh, I'm a mess. I think I'm going to go take a bath. Mr.
Saotome?... thanks."
Genma nodded, smiling, and headed out of the room.
*
While the two children were contemplating their future,
Genma was celebrating his.
Hah. And that ridiculous Psychology 101 teacher said he was
no better than a D+. Genma was busy basking in the glow of his
own ego, Genma the Relationship Doctor, Genma the Healer of
Broken Homes, Genma the Wise. Maybe he could get a radio show!
"Hello, you're live with Dr. Saotome... I'm listening," he
said to the air, chuckling and kicking back some beer.
Well, okay, maybe that was pushing it. But still... WHOA!
Single handedly got his kids back on the path of true happiness.
Nothing could stop the wedding now; Abigail Nodoka would be so
proud. What could possibly go wrong?
*
Ranma wiped the water out of her eyes for the fourth time.
She couldn't believe it. She had tried climbing the
building to no avail. The trees snapped easily with her weight.
The door was locked, and to rip through the paper covering was
simply unthinkable. There was no way around to the front of the
dojo... but the bathroom window was open. WIDE OPEN.
How could she not notice the PERFECT escape route?! Just
slip in there, run a hot bath, scrub up and go inside. Sure, pop
would be mad she didn't train, but Ranma did NOT want to catch a
cold in this horrible weather. She's go talk to Akane, see what
comes of it, and finally put an end to this weird day with a good
night's rest. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day.
Ranma eased herself up to the window, which was at head-
height, and pulled herself inside, expecting to land in the empty
bathtub.
Funny, she thought on the way in, how there was steam rising
from the tub...
Ranma plopped into the hot water, causing the tub to
overflow and water to run down the drain. His muscles rearranged
themselves to their original positions, with little or no
reaction; Ranma was too busy reacting to the other person in the
tub, who had just reacted his presence.
Akane squirmed away from the muddy, eye-popping Ranma,
trying to cover whatever she could. "AIEEEEEEE!" she stated.
"Aaaa... AKANE?!" Ranma gasped.
"YOU HENTAI!!!" Akane screamed. "And after I almost
considered... OOOOHHH!"
"Whoa, hold up, Akane, I can expl--"
" R A N M A N O B A K A ! " Akane thundered, rearing
back for a swing.
*
Genma choked violently on his beverage as an explosion
rocked the dojo, and the housing above. Dogs barked. Neighbors
screamed incoherently.
He dropped the half empty can and charged down the hall,
towards the source of the disturbance, only to see Ranma embedded
three inches into the wall, with Akane (wrapped in a towel)
trying to pull him out.
"HENTAI! HENTAI!" Akane shouted, slapping the dazed boy
around. Genma quickly slid to a halt, and grabbed Akane to pull
her away.
"Whoa!" he wheezed, using all his strength to peel the girl
away from his son. "What happened?"
"I was taking a bath and this peeping tom fell in from the
window!" Akane shouted, pointing to Ranma, whose eyes were
rolling around independently. "I should have never listened to
you. He IS a pervert, and an IDIOT!"
"Uuurggh..." Ranma groaned, stumbling out of his impression
in the wall. "If YOU would sit still for a minute and listen to
my explanations before getting violent, you'd KNOW what that was
all about."
"I don't want your excuses! I had you pegged as a weirdo
from the start, and it looks like I'm right," Akane said,
wrestling out of Genma's grip. "I HATE YOU!"
"That's mutual!" Ranma yelled back. "How could ANYBODY
marry a violent maniac like you? I'd be murdered before my
wedding day over choice of dinnerware pattern!"
"You're the meanest... no, meanest is too POSITIVE for what
you are!" Akane said. "Ranma, you're meaner than mean. You're
just evil!"
"Ehhhh... ummmm..." Genma started, not quite sure where his
mystical powers over the human psyche went. "Can I say
something?"
"NO!!" both kids shouted, air currents physically knocking
Genma over.
"Look, Akane, you're can't go exploding over every little
thing I do!" Ranma said. "Honestly, you've got to calm down once
in awhile! You're practically wired to explode twenty four hours
a day!"
"You're one to speak, always calling me -- and even NAMING
me -- a Tomboy," Akane reminded. "I don't have to sit here and
take this abuse from you."
"Neither do I, for that matter!" Ranma said. "If I didn't
live here I'd be out the door like THAT."
"What, so you're saying you want me to leave?" Akane asked,
snarling.
"What? No, but--"
"Then fine, I'm out of here!" Akane proclaimed, stomping off
to her room. Ranma groaned, muttered something about cuteness
and followed.
"I just wanted to say..." Genma started, before realizing
there was nobody left to talk to.
*
"Akane, you can't be serious," Ranma said, watching the
whirling ball of annoyed girl toss whatever possessions she had
into a shopping back. "You can't move out. Where would you go?
You don't have a job, you don't have anywhere to stay, you don't
have any friends--"
"I do too have friends," Akane said, grabbing her schoolbag
off the floor. "Lots of friends. A list. You're not on that
list, of course."
"I'm not surprised. Alright, if you want to jump to
conclusions about me, storm out of here and get killed on the
streets, fine by me. Serves you right."
Akane paused to smack Ranma one across the cheek, and was
right back into her angry stomp towards the door.
"TOMBOY!" Ranma called to her, rubbing his face.
"PERVERT!" she shouted, without a backwards glance. The
door opened, the door slammed, the building shook and that was
that.
Hmph. Well, it's probably better this way, Ranma reasoned.
Clearly she didn't like life here and I clearly didn't like
having her around, yelling at me and beating me up. Maybe now
that she's gone my life will settle down a little--
Ranma felt himself being lifted off the ground. He derailed
his train of thought and looked up, directly into Genma's eyes.
If it was possible, they would have been burning red with the
very fires of hell.
"YOU FOOL!" Genma insulted, tossing Ranma against the
nearest wall. "What happened to calming down? What happened to
your promise to get along with Akane?"
"It's not my fault," Ranma objected, sliding up against the
wall. "If she would have shut up and listened--"
"It was BOTH of your faults," Genma said. "And if she's
leaving this house, so are you!"
"I wish she'd... eh?" Ranma stopped.
"Pack and get out," Genma said, pointing to the door. "And
you're not coming back until you've got Akane with you!"
*
Akane charged blindly through the rain, not particularly
caring where the currents took her. The water was leaking into
her open shopping bag, probably drenching her only material
possessions in life, but she didn't care about that either.
"Ranma no baka," the muttered to herself, picking up her
running pace a little more. Anything to get her away from that
dojo.
She realized this was probably a mistake, but there wasn't
any turning back now. It was expected of her to leave now and
not come back... to come running and crying after a scene like
that was simply, well, stupid. No. She had to keep going.
Maybe she could get Wrong Way to put her up, or maybe go see
Gosunkugi--
Her forward momentum resulted in a very nasty bounce as the
red-suited officer stepped out from a nearby alley. Akane lost
her balance, and landed rear first on the wet concrete.
Henry Tuttle Wataru stepped out after the massive trooper.
"Out for a bit of a stroll, miss?" he asked, grinning.
End of File
Ministry of Data record GH.3704.7734.11
Private use only