Author: Summer
Rating: R?
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters and all here are on loan for this fic. They belong to Joss, Warner Bros and Fox as well as Mutant Enemy.
Summary: Spike has been turned human because of the Ghorac Demons bite but is seriously ill. Will he tell Buffy? Can they get together before the end?
Authors note: Buffy never died. Set sometime in between seasons 5&6 but after Joyce died.
Feedback: That would be excellent I'd love it!
Chapter eleven
"Dead?" Buffy repeated "how? why? when?" she stuttered.
"We were on a routine field mission in Guatemala. Riley somehow got separated from his group. A couple of Fyarl Demons saw their chance and..................he put up quite a fight I'm sure".
Buffy nodded looking down at the floor trying her best to feel sad but all she felt was.......empty. She looked up and watched as the sergeant pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket.
"He wrote something in the infirmary before he died of his injuries. He wanted you to have it" handing Buffy the piece of paper he gave her a salute and headed back out the door. Turning he said "if you ever need anything you can contact us at this address" handing Buffy the small piece of card he left closing the door behind him.
Turning the piece of paper over in her hands Buffy struggled to gain the courage to open it. Taking a seat on the stairs she carefully unfolded the tattered remains.
Dear Buffy
If you have received this letter you know I am either dead or dying. I am so sorry if I have caused you any pain. I have constantly regretted leaving I am so sorry I cannot see you face.
I go now my darling to love you from heaven or hell if that is the case. Don't give yourself any blame but live your life completely without any shadow of regret and I will be there watching.
I love you always my sweet crusader.
Love Riley Finn
As Buffy closed the note a single tear slipped down her cheek. Getting up off the cold wooden steps pocketing both papers she quietly made her way back into the living room to face the rest of the Scoobies.
Spike looked up as Buffy entered. Seeing her frown he immediately started to get worried. "What's up Luv?"
"Huh?.......oh..nothing"
"Who was that at the door?" Dawn asked getting up from her place on the carpet.
"Oh....uh someone from the Initiative" Buffy continued to stare at the floor as if it could give her some answers.
"What? Riley's here?" Xander asked "Well, where is he?"
"No not Riley. He's........dead" Giles immediately started to rise to walking over to Buffy alone with Willow and Xander.
"Dead?" Xander asked again. Buffy nodded silently. "How?"
"A group of Fyarl Demons or something. They........." Buffy sighed finding it unbearable to continue. Xander put his arms around her while Dawn sat back down quietly staring at her shoes. She had had mixed feelings for Riley but she had to admit she'd never wanted anything like that to happen to him.
"Well, I can't say I'm sorry" Spike spoke up "having never liked the soldier boy in the first place"
"Shut up dead boy"
"I told you not to call me that monkey boy. Unless you want another broken nose"
"Just go ahead and try you impotent bleached..............."
"Oh stop it both of you" Buffy cut in turning towards Xander and Spike suddenly bursting into tears, running upstairs.
"I'll go to her" Willow said giving Xander and Spike disapproving glances.
"Now look what you did" Spike glared at Xander
"Me?"
"Yeah!"
"Your the one who started it off. Badmouthing Riley!"
"What? I only told the truth"
"Probably for the first time in your life"
"OK boys pack it in! Buffy needs your support right now not incessant arguing"
"Watchers right" Spike said moving over to sit down on the couch "we shouldn't be fighting it's not fair on Buffy"
"Fine, lets just call it a truce.........FOR HER!"
"FINE!" Spike said shutting up. All the while Giles giving them looks and thinking *I'm glad that's over* not to mention wiping his brow with his handkerchief from his pocket.
*******
Meanwhile upstairs:
Willow and Buffy are sitting on the bed in Buffy's room. Buffy has her head in her hands.
"Its okay Buffy, your allowed to feel sad"
"But that's just it Will. I don't! I feel kind of .........relieved. Is that selfish or what?" Buffy looked up at her best friend a painful smile on her face.
"Buffy................"
"I mean I should be able to feel something shouldn't I?"
"What do you feel?"
I don't know..........regret? Loss? I feel sorry for Riley but I don't feel.............."
"Love?" Buffy nodded
"That died some time ago" she added sadly.
"I guess I'm angry. Angry because...................I'm in love with someone else"
"Who?" Willow asked not that she needed to know. She already had a pretty good idea who it was.
Buffy looked down once more "Spike" she said quietly "I'm in love with Spike. I've been fighting it for some time now I guess...but when he kissed me......that was when I knew..........." Buffy broke down crying again.
"Hey, Buffy it's okay. It's okay if you love Spike" Willow pulled Buffy in for a hug.
"I so scared Will" she said sobbing into Willows shoulder. "What if I tell him..and he leaves me? What if I don't? I don't think I can handle any more rejection. I just can't".
"Shhhhh, it's okay" Willow whispered "Buffy, whatever you decide. It will be okay with me. Don't worry about what the rest of us think worry about yourself. You should do what makes you happy and...if that's with Spike.....I'd say go for it"
"You mean that Will?" Willow nodded "Thanks" Buffy said drying her tears and hugging her best friend one more time.
"I'm gonna go down, check on the others. Want anything? Need me to stay?"
Buffy shook her head "No thanks Will I think I'll just stay up here a few more minutes"
"If your sure" Willow said getting up off the bed "See you downstairs"
As Willow opened the bedroom door and stepped out onto the landing she was surprised to be greeted by a mischievous looking Spike. Trying his best to look innocent as possible he stepped aside for Willow to pass.
"I just came up to...see if you wanted anything to drink" Spike looked at Willow to see if she was buying his excuse.
"You were eavesdropping weren't you"
"Maybe, maybe not. I live here too you know!"
"Spike" Willow said warningly.
"OK all right, I was, but I only wanted to check if Buffy was OK"
"Don't upset her!" Willow warned turning and heading for the stairs.
Spike smiled to himself *she loves me* he thought *she actually loves me*. Once Willow was out of sight Spike saw his chance to confront Buffy. Knocking on her door waiting for her to say "come in" he entered.
Expecting someone else, anyone else Buffy looked up at the figure who entered.
"Uh.........come in" she stammered. Spike closed the door behind him. Walking further into the room he sat down on the bed beside Buffy.
"I'm so sorry Luv" he began
"I thought you hated Riley?"
"I do. I still do but that's not why I'm sorry. I'm sorry because your in pain. And I hate to think that somehow I'm a contributor to that pain".
Buffy was silent. Unsure of what to say she let him continue.
"Buffy I love you, you know that and I just want to tell you this" he paused for a second taking a deep breath "I will never leave you. I promise. I love you Buffy Anne Summers and I swear on my new life I'll love you forever".
Buffy didn't have any words to convey what she felt at that moment. Looking into his eyes something told her she could trust him. Trust him with her life, of course she'd done that before. Trusting with her heart and soul she wasn't so sure about.
Slowly she leaned forward pressing her lips to his. The kiss which started off slow ended up being a passionate embrace.
As the couple broke apart Buffy brought her hand up to touch his face.
"I love you too Spike" she said simply. He was just about to respond when she silenced him with another kiss.
TBC.....................................................
A/N: Sorry if this chapter is kind of fluffy it's all relevant to the story. Please review I love the ones I've got so far. Next chapter up soon and it's exciting!!!!!!