Miaka had spent the entire morning and most of the afternoon avoiding him and glaring at him from afar. In fact, she was not the only one glaring at him…Tasuki and most of the bandits seemed only too happy to oblige as well. If looks could kill, Nicholas would have been on the ground minus a heartbeat and quite possibly a large number of vital body parts.
Luckily for Nicholas, he'd perfected the art of ignoring them, until it came almost as second nature to him. Harder to ignore, however, were Miaka's frequent experimental probes into his mind, trying to see if his mental shields were still in place.
They were, and he was taking great pains to keep them that way…but if there was one thing he had learnt about the Suzaku no Miko, it was that she never gave up, especially if she was looking for a way to get back at him. The angry stares and the silent treatment, he could handle; the prospect of her knowing his every thought and having to put up with her shrieking in his head…THAT, he could not.
It was purely by chance that he ended up walking directly behind her. She had lagged behind to talk to Kouji, while Tasuki led the way at the head of the group. She seemed very at ease when she spoke to the man, and Nicholas did not blame her. Although he did not converse with the dark-haired bandit any more than he did with anyone else, he found the man to be far more agreeable compared to the flame-haired Suzaku seishi.
She laughed at something Kouji said, taking her eyes off the path in front of her for a second…and promptly tripped over a fallen tree branch. "Aaaaaahhhh!" She pitched forward, sprawling ungracefully in the dirt.
"Itaaaiii…" she moaned, looking up at Kouji who was trying to hide a grin at her clumsiness. The bandit offered his hand to help her up, which she gratefully took.
It was not until she was up on her feet and beginning to dust herself off, that she finally noticed someone behind her. With dread, Miaka instinctively knew who it was. She let out a mental groan. Of all the people in the world, it just HAD to be Nakago who had witnessed—
A second realisation followed swiftly on the heels of the first. When she had fallen over, her short uniform skirt had flipped up... "YOU SAW IT!" she hissed angrily at her arch-nemesis, her face burning with humiliation. She experienced a stunning moment of déja vu. This had happened before…The same situation, in a different place…and with a different person.
Nicholas lifted an eyebrow at her, easily able to read her flustered thoughts. Of course he knew exactly what she was referring to…and he had indeed been treated to a first-class view of her underwear when she'd pitched over. Moreover, she was not going to believe him even if he denied it anyway…
…Which he wasn't.
His sensual lips curved into a slow, suggestive smile. "Nothing I haven't seen before," he informed her calmly, blue eyes gleaming with mild amusement. He watched her face turn an interesting shade of red, one which he had never seen before on anyone. He also noted that Kouji was standing on the sidelines, unabashedly listening to the conversation with undisguised interest.
Without warning, Miaka found her mind flooded with a series of images. Of her. In all the various states of undress Nakago had ever seen her in. Her blood boiled, and she barely managed to hold back a scream of rage at what he was doing. Of all the NERVE…! The damned man was projecting all those images directly into her head! He was letting her see exactly what he had seen!
(AAAARRRRGH! YOU…YOU HENTAI! ECCHI! PERVERTED CREEP! HENTAAAAIIIII…!)She wanted to die from embarrassment, mortified at how much of her he had already seen…And in full colour and glorious detail at that too.
(What's the matter, dear Miko? Run out of names to call me?) Nicholas thought back at her, the mocking words interrupting her mental diatribe. An arrogant smirk crossed his face as she spluttered with wordless outrage, so incensed that her mind was unable to form a single coherent thought.
Several of the other bandits had turned around to stare at them, looking curiously from one person to the other. Neither the blonde man or the girl had said a single word, and yet…the Suzaku no Miko seemed to become more and more furious with each passing moment.
There was the ominous crackle of high-voltage electricity building up. Uh-Oh…This isn't good, Kouji realised uncomfortably. He had only a vague idea as to what was really going on between the russet-haired miko and the blonde former shogun, but he knew that things were about to get very ugly if someone didn't do something soon. The Suzaku no Miko looked as if she was about to explode. He opened his mouth to say something, hoping to calm her down before she decided to launch herself at Nakago's throat …
"DAAAAAA!"
There was an ubiquitous puff of smoke, and the next instant, a blue-haired monk stood between Nakago and Miaka, smiling amiably and seemingly unaware of the fact that he had literally appeared right in the middle of an extremely hostile argument.
Miaka's mouth dropped open in shock, before a pleased smile swiftly replaced the anger on her face as she momentarily forgot about Nakago, "Chi—Chichiri!"
Chichiri's presence seemed to have a calming effect on Miaka, much to Kouji's relief. He half-listened to the monk talking to the Suzaku no Miko as he discreetly eyed Nakago. He knew that Miaka and the blonde man could communicate telepathically, But what in the world could Nakago have said to make her so angry? he wondered curiously. The relationship between the two of them confused him; a day ago, they had appeared to be on very good terms…if the passionate kiss he had seen them sharing was any indication. But now…they appeared barely able to stand the sight of each other.
Kouji shook his head. On second thought, given the identity of both parties and what he knew of them, he was not sure he wanted to know...
"Taiitsukun told you where we were?" Miaka asked softly, "Did she…say anything else?"
Her seishi stared at her quizzically, "Only that you needed my help to rescue Tamahome, no da." An expression of concern passed over his ever-smiling face, "Is something wrong, Miaka?" he prompted her quietly, noticing how pale and tired she looked.
She sighed, fingers massaging her temples in agitation, feeling a headache building behind her eyes. He has the right to know, she convinced herself. Haltingly, she told him about the soul bond she shared with a certain obnoxious blonde man, conveniently leaving out the part about just how they had managed to fully activate the mostly dormant psychic link.
The look of incredulous surprise which had taken up residence on Chichiri's face was almost too comical for words, but for once, Miaka didn't feel like laughing.
Miaka sat on her bed in the inn which they had decided to spend the night. They had reached the small town on the Kutou-Konan border without any further mishaps just before sunset, and the Mt. Reikaku bandits had reluctantly taken their leave in order to resume their search for the group who had been terrorising the villages in the area.
It was already very late, almost midnight, and she had not seen Nakago for several hours. She found that she did not know how to act around him anymore. Damn him, she thought wearily. He was probably the only person capable of making her so angry and confused at the same time with so little effort. She wondered how much of her mind he had already read…if he was already aware of the strange, conflicting emotions she had with regards to him. Miaka didn't know how she would be able to face him again if he ever found out.
She started violently at the sound of someone outside her room; her heart rate accelerating as the door slowly creaked open. In the moonlight streaming in through the open window, she could just make out the dark shape of a person moving towards her…
"Miaka?" a familiar voice whispered, an instant before she would have started screaming.
She put a hand to her chest and took a deep breath, willing her frantic heartbeat to slow down. "Tasuki? What are you doing here? You scared me!" she admonished him as calmly as she could manage, not wanting him to know how unnerved she had been by his unexpected visit in the middle of the night. Somehow, she could not shake the feeling of unease as she watched Tasuki making his way over to her. There's something not quite right…is it my imagination, or is Tasuki stumbling a little? Her seishi's usually confident swagger appeared unsteady, as if…as if he was dazed.
He wordlessly seated himself heavily on the bed beside her. The moonlight allowed her to see his face clearly, and his expression was uncharacteristically serious and darkly melancholic. He just sat there, silently staring at her, his amber eyes almost glowing in the darkness.
"Tasuki? Tasuki, what's wrong?" Miaka whispered urgently, suddenly alarmed at his strange behaviour. "What—"
Before her mind could process what was happening, he had lifted a hand and was stroking her cheek with his fingers. The caress was intimate, like something exchanged between lovers. She gasped, instinctively recoiling from his touch, startled by his actions. In the next instant, she found herself being pushed backwards and pinned down on the bed with Tasuki on top of her, still looking at her with that terrifying golden animalistic gaze.
She was suddenly afraid of him. Tasuki was her friend, but he was scaring her!
"Why did you pull away from me?" he questioned angrily, his face hovering mere inches above her own. "You would let HIM touch you, kiss you…but you can't bear for anyone else to touch you anymore, is that it? Tell me, Miaka…do you love him? Have you forgotten what that monster did to us? Have you forgotten that he killed Hotohori?" he hissed, his words searing into her panic-stricken consciousness like acid. He leaned further down, intending to claim her lips with his own…
His warm breath wafted over her face, laced with the strong smell of alcohol. She could feel the heat radiating from his skin, almost like he had a fever. Miaka turned her face aside, trying to avoid his kiss and began struggling frantically against him, "Tasuki! Stop it! You're drunk!"
Tasuki held both her wrists with one hand, effortlessly resisting her desperate attempts to push him off her. Easily shrugging the loose white shirt off his shoulders, he straddled her body, trapping her securely under him. "You don't know what you're doing, Tasuki…onegai...Please stop! Onegai…" she was sobbing now, the tears trickling down her cheeks. Don't do this…
He ignored her frightened pleas, delicately licking at the salty tear-tracks and nuzzling his face against her cheek. "If it is the only way to prevent you from bein' hurt by that blonde bastard…I'll take you myself. I'll make you forget him…" he said in a low, tense voice as he brushed his lips against her earlobe, "Has he touched you here?" he demanded harshly, sliding his hand up her thigh, stopping just under the hem of her skirt.
Miaka whimpered in terror, choking on her tears. Her reaction seemed to anger the flame-haired bandit, and he pushed her even more firmly into the mattress, tightening his grip on her wrists.
He was beginning to hurt her…
Yamete…
"Why don't you want me to touch you?" he ground out, his free hand coming up to roughly unbutton her uniform blouse as he continued whispering poisonously into her ear, "Or have you already betrayed Tamahome by letting Nakago fu—"
She squeezed her eyes shut, trying her best to block out the sound of Tasuki's voice as he began to utter the most vile of words.
However, Tasuki never got the chance to finish.
All of a sudden, Miaka felt him being forcefully torn off her. Barely a heartbeat later, there was the loud crash of a human body colliding violently with something, followed by a dull thud.
Silence.
Miaka held her breath; shaking uncontrollably as she listened fearfully to the footsteps approaching the bed. She huddled among the rumpled sheets, not daring to move; trying to make herself as small as she could, wishing she could turn herself invisible. Stay away! Please don't come any closer… Tears leaked out from under tightly closed eyelids. Go away…
(If I had stayed away, you, dear Miko, would no longer be a virgin,) a familiar voice remarked dryly in her mind. Despite the words, his tone was more matter-of-fact than mocking. If he had any hurtful comments to make, he kept them to himself, passing up the chance to torment her.
Nakago…? her mind whispered. For a brief moment, something which felt very much like concern brushed against her senses, but by the time she had identified the sensation, it was already gone.
"Miaka! Are you all right, no da? Wha—" Chichiri had appeared in the open doorway, anxiously scanning the room. His eyes widened as he caught sight of Tasuki lying in a crumpled heap on the floor. "What happened in here, no da?"
"Tasuki…he…H-He tried to…to…" she could not bring herself to say the words.
"He tried to force himself on her," Nicholas stated flatly, completing the sentence for her. Outwardly calm, he walked past the Suzaku monk and exited the room without a backward glance. The threat was gone, and there was no further need for him to stay around. He had no intention of telling anyone about how he had felt her fear and distress as if it had been his own, and how he had heard every single one of Tasuki's words to her, echoing in his mind as clearly as if he had been in the room with them. Unpleasant memories which he would rather have forgotten had come flooding back with a vengeance. He had been disgusted with himself even back then…that time in his tent in Hokkan, when he had almost done the same thing as what the idiot bandit had tried.
For one heart-stopping moment, he had not been sure if he would make it to her in time. He had been…afraid. For her. Seeing the bandit on top of her diminutive form had sent a surge of white-hot rage racing through him; the unfamiliar feeling surprising in its intensity. This time, Nicholas had not tried to suppress the emotion, letting it have free rein over his actions. He had hit Tasuki harder than had been necessary, finding malicious satisfaction in slamming the orange-haired seishi face-first into the nearest wall.
Miaka's bewildered gaze followed the departing blonde figure, continuing to stare numbly after him even when he had disappeared out of sight down the darkened hallway. She sat utterly still for a long moment, before slowly turning to stare at Tasuki's prone form. She cautiously approached her seishi, coming stand next to Chichiri, who was turning the bandit over and checking for injuries.
"Is Tasuki—…Did Nakago…kill him?" she asked hesitantly, her voice sounding strange to her own ears.
"No, he's just passed out, partly as a result of getting beaten up by Nakago, but mostly because he was drunk to start with…although he is going to have some very nasty bruises in the morning no da," the monk said carefully. He took in her dishevelled appearance, "Miaka, daijoubu?" His voice was quiet and serious, the smiling mask he usually wore was nowhere in sight.
"I…I'm okay," she managed shakily, crossing her arms tightly to hide the fact that her hands were still trembling badly. Taking a deep breath, she sniffed and clumsily wiped at her tears. "We need to get Tasuki back to his room," she finally muttered, avoiding Chichiri's concerned gaze.
The blue-haired monk nodded silently in agreement, tactfully choosing not to comment on what had almost happened.
Between them, Chichiri and Miaka managed to manoeuvre the unconscious man into an upright position. With both of them supporting Tasuki on either side, they half-dragged, half-carried him to his room; a task made all the more difficult by the fact that Tasuki was heavier than he looked. Once there, it took considerable effort on both their parts before they succeeded in getting him onto the bed.
Miaka stared down at Tasuki, who was now sprawled limply across the mattress. It wasn't his fault, she told herself firmly. She knew he had been seething with anger over what he had witnessed while spying on her and Nakago…but she knew Tasuki, and she refused to believe that he had really meant to hurt her. The misguided logic and irrational behaviour…the alcohol had seen to that. "It wasn't your fault," she whispered fiercely to the comatose man, even though she doubted that he could hear her.
Sighing, she reached out to gently brush aside the bright hair which had fallen across his closed eyes...
Things were going to be awkward in the morning, but she was determined not to lose Tasuki's friendship. Not now, and not over this.
She had spent the last hour or so tossing and turning restlessly in bed. She was tired, exhausted from the torrent of emotions she had recently experienced, but found herself unable to fall asleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the events of earlier replaying themselves over and over again in her mind.
Kicking off her blanket and getting to her feet, she nervously paced the length of her room a few times. The atmosphere had become stifling all of a sudden. I need to get out of here. Despite the late hour, she could still hear people talking and moving about below. Maybe I can get something to eat…There was nothing which calmed her nerves faster than food. The thought made her crack a small smile in spite of herself; even after all she had been through, some things would never change.
Miaka descended the wooden stairs which led to the ground floor. She was about halfway down when she froze on her tracks. The inn's dining hall was reasonably well-lit, and there were still a few customers around…but that was not what had caught her attention.
Nakago was sitting at one of the tables.
Her first instinct was to bolt back up the stairs and hide in her room. Nakago was one of the last people on earth she wished to see, after what had just happened with Tasuki. She had neither the emotional strength nor the courage to talk to him at the moment, and there were still so many things concerning him which she had yet to resolve. Until she could sort out the tangle of confused emotions, she did not want to face him…
…or at least that had been her plan. It was to her considerable horror, however, that she found herself already almost directly in front of him. Miaka did not remember her mind telling her legs to start walking towards him! Her feet had moved on their own accord while she had been debating with herself, taking her nearer and nearer to the table he was seated at. Oh no! This isn't supposed to happen! What am I going to say to him? I can't—…Miaka Yuuki! she reproached herself sternly, You are such a coward! You'll have to face him sooner or later! Let's just get it over and done with!
She warily approached him, nervously biting on her lip; trying not to give in to the powerful urge to turn tail and run like a frightened deer. Her apprehension turned into annoyance when he did not look up to acknowledge her; either unaware or indifferent to her presence. She ground her teeth together in irritation. She knew she was being unreasonable, but…damn the man! He wasn't making things any easier for her.
"Nakago?" Her voice came out softer and sounding more unsure than she would have liked. She frowned when he made no reply, her hazel eyes narrowing to look carefully at him. It was only then, that she noticed that his skin was slightly flushed and he was holding a half-empty cup of something which smelled just short of lethal.
He wasn't drinking it…just staring at it with an intensity which was unnerving.
Oh god…How many has he had?
Why did men have to resort to drinking when something bothered them? First Tasuki, now him! She felt the familiar panic starting to rise up in her throat. What was she going to do if Nakago tried to—"I'm not going to attack you," he said suddenly without looking at her, causing her to flinch violently. She had almost forgotten that he could easily read her mind whenever he wished, and she had yet to get used to his abrupt—and disconcerting—way of responding to her thoughts. He did not invite her to sit down, but she did anyway, forcing herself to take the seat opposite him before she lost her nerve. "I never thought I would actually have to rescue you from one of your own seishi," he continued, mild amusement colouring his tone. She relaxed slightly once she realised that Nakago seemed to be his normal insensitive self.
Miaka glared at him from across table, "You don't have to rub it in," she muttered unhappily through clenched teeth.
"Hmm," he made a non-committal sound in his throat which sounded halfway between a laugh and a purr. Under her disbelieving gaze, he lifted the cup and easily knocked back its contents in one long swallow. Whatever he was drinking smelled awful, and Miaka wondered how he managed that feat without gagging.
He set the cup down carefully, his movements controlled and meticulous, "He loves you deeply," he said simply, almost casually, as if he was stating the obvious and it was something she should have known all along.
"WHAT?" she spluttered, not believing her ears and gaping at him in astonishment. He couldn't have said what I thought he just said…could he? Tasuki…loves me? Chigau! I must have a ear infection or something, because I think I'm starting to hear things…
The blonde man in front of her chuckled, a low, throaty sound. Unmistakably masculine, and completely Nakago. It brushed against her senses like warm velvet on naked skin and caused the hair on the back of her neck to stand up. She shivered, and it had nothing to do with the temperature in the room. He finally looked her straight in the eye for the first time that night, and she found herself staring at him, unable to tear her gaze away.
His eyes were breathtakingly beautiful, the irises a soft misty blue, so different from what she was accustomed to.
"Not in the way you are thinking," his lips curling slightly in a gesture which indicated that he found her extremely amusing. "He loves you as a seishi should, and would do anything to keep you from getting hurt. He would die for you…probably jump off a cliff if you asked him nicely. Foolish, but brave."
His eyes focused on an imaginary point somewhere behind her, "Come to think of it, all the Suzaku shichi seishi were like that…Then again, there is a thin line between stupidity and bravery," he reflected. Nakago seemed distracted, as if he was thinking aloud and did not realise it. That in itself was disturbing. (You have no idea how fortunate you are, to have seishi who are completely loyal to you. The Seiryuu no Miko was not so lucky.) He said the last part into her mind, his voice sounding deeper, quieter, and more contemplative somehow.
She stared at him in consternation, not knowing how to reply to his unexpected words. It was the most she had ever heard him say outside of his verbal jabs at her…and this time, he wasn't even trying to insult her. Not really anyway. There was definitely something strange going on with Nakago. This was not like him at all. He was being almost…nice.
"Why are you telling me this?" she ventured softly, hazel eyes narrowing at him suspiciously. What is he up to? If this is part of one of his elaborate schemes to piss me off and mock me about what happened with Tasuki, I swear I'll—
He blinked slowly, making it look almost like a deliberate action. A corner of his mouth tilted up in a lopsided smirk, "I'm drunk, Miaka…were you expecting a commentary on quantum physics and Einstein's theory of relativity?"
Drunk? Quantum physics? Miaka had never heard of anyone admitting to being drunk so calmly. He wasn't even slurring his words, and his pronounciation was as precise as ever. For someone who was supposedly inebriated, the blonde former Seiryuu seishi appeared surprisingly lucid and composed. But then again, Nakago was not exactly the most normal of people…A feeling of unease swept over her once again, and she began inching away from the table, wanting to get as far away from him as possible in case he suddenly started acting like Tasuki had...
He did not seem to notice what she was doing, or perhaps he just didn't care. Her arch-nemesis had not moved from his position, simply sitting there and looking at her with innocent baby-blue eyes. I'm drunk, Miaka…he had said. Abruptly, she stopped her retreat, belatedly realising that he had used her name. He almost never called her by name unless it was under unusual circumstances. And there was the colour of his eyes…
She wrinkled her nose in disgust. Now that he had mentioned it, she noticed that he reeked of alcohol, leading her to wonder just how far gone he really was. On impulse, she tentatively reached out to him through their psychic link, probing into his mind as gently as she could.
She almost gasped in surprise. Instead of coming up against an impenetrable wall like she had every other time she had tried, this time, she could actually read his thoughts…
His mental shields were down.
Miaka found out that he had meant every word he'd said about Tasuki and the rest of her seishi. There were other things as well, although they were more emotion than actual thought…a strange sense of regret and wistfulness, along with other less readily-identifiable feelings.
And behind it all, there was hate. Sharp and biting; held tightly in check and forcefully suppressed.
She grabbed at the edge of the table to steady herself, stunned at what she was seeing in the depths of his mind. I never knew that…that—…Oh my god…
Nakago hated Tasuki with an intensity which terrified her.
Soi…
Nakago and Soi had been lovers.
He'd…cared…about the red-haired woman, as much as he had been able to care about anyone… and Tasuki had killed her.
The images were coming faster now, and clearer. A scene of Nakago, walking in the pouring rain, carrying Soi in his arms, cradling her body against his own as if she were merely asleep…searching for a suitable place to bury her. Someone like her deserved to be laid to rest in a beautiful place, not in a battlefield…it was the least he could do for her. The rain continued to fall, becoming heavier, soaking him to the skin, but he never noticed. Loneliness and regret enveloped him like a shroud, tearing apart whatever was left of his soul; knowing that she was gone forever…so many things left unsaid…so many harsh words which had been better left unspoken…
The last thing Miaka saw before Nakago's mental shields slammed into place was a distant memory of white cherry blossoms…A solitary tree. He had buried Soi there. It was nothing more than a memory from another lifetime, but the remembered pain…it was still there, even now. There had been so many times he had been sorely tempted to kill Tasuki; so many opportunities to take revenge for Kaen's death…
Kaen…?
"Not everyone is as forgiving as you are," he said tonelessly, his handsome face blank and unreadable. The only thing which betrayed him was the way his fingers wrapped so tightly around the fragile porcelain cup that his knuckles and fingernails had turned white.
Oh God…Nakago…I'm so sorry. I never knew…
She found tears stinging her eyes; the tears the blonde shogun had not been able to shed when Soi had died in his arms. Miaka desperately willed him to relax his grip on the cup before it shattered in his hand; suddenly having a horrible vision of him sitting there with his hands bleeding, not moving, not doing anything to stop the bloodflow...silently staring at her with those hauntingly beautiful silver-blue eyes… Iie! Kami-sama, please don't let him hurt himself, she prayed.She felt like the worst kind of voyeur, for having uncovered something so private…for looking into his heart. Her soul ached for him, experiencing the pain he had so carefully locked away. Nakago was an enigma, and she had always wanted to know what went on inside his head; but now she knew…she wished that she didn't.Miaka watched helplessly as he ignored her; acting like she did not exist…finally loosening his hold on the cup long enough to pour himself another drink from the almost-empty flask beside him.
She wanted so badly to comfort him…
Only, she didn't dare…and didn't know how.
Notes:
1) OK…I sort of stole the whole incident with Tasuki trying to force himself on Miaka from the OVAs. However, unlike in the OVA, there is no outside force at work here. Tasuki's just very, very drunk. In fact, the theme of this chapter is about the evils of alcohol…Hehhehheh…
2) Miaka actually gets a chance to peek into Nakago's mind and find out what makes him tick! She gets more than she bargained for though! On the surface, it does sound a bit like she's taking advantage of him since he's drunk…but is Nakago/Nicholas really as drunk as he claims? Or is he just pretending? That's up to you (and Miaka) to decide! O.O
3) Recap! In the anime, Tasuki threw the sword which killed Soi. He was actually aiming at Nakago, but Soi blocked it with her body (Nicholas gave Tasuki a taste of what it feels like to have something sharp and pointy thrown at you in the black widow spider incident in Chapter 13. We find out here that he really did want to kill Tasuki at the time, but apparently changed his mind at the last minute...on Miaka's account, perhaps?). Remember the cruel things Nakago said to Soi before that battle about her not being the one who could make him happy? Yep, he's regretting those, among other things...