Chapter 17: The Mirror Has Two Faces

She sat listlessly in her brother's gentle embrace, feeling drained and empty. Her grief had long spent itself, and there were no more tears left for her to cry. So many people had been taken from her, so many friends lost…her heart could not take much more abuse. Naze? I don't understand…"Why?" she whispered brokenly, the single word almost inaudible.

Keisuke looked helplessly at Chichiri and Tasuki, desperately wanting to comfort his sister, but not knowing what to say. Even he could feel the raw intensity of Miaka's pain…had held her as she had cried inconsolably, her sobs wracking her body until her voice was hoarse and nearly gone. He stared down at the top of her head, trying his best to offer comfort to her for something he did not really understand. He had only a vague idea as to what had happened…all he knew was that he and Taka had been released from whatever it was which had imprisoned them, thanks to Nicholas. But why did he suddenly turn on us? Why did he try to hurt her? he wondered in bewilderment.

"I think I know what happened, no da," Chichiri suddenly said quietly.

The flame-haired bandit who was leaning against a nearby wall glared at his fellow seishi through the orange curtain of hair which had fallen over his eyes, "Yeah, ya don't have'ta point it out. We all realise that Blondie tried to kill us! Again!" he spat angrily. I knew we couldn't trust him, bloody Seiryuu bastard, but he did not say it out loud, reluctant to cause Miaka more anguish. She was fiercely loyal to the people she cared about, and no matter how much Tasuki disapproved of her choice of friends, he knew that his miko had regarded Nakago as such…she shared a soul bond with the man for heaven's sake!

Chichiri sighed, "That's not what I meant no da, and Nakago did save Tamahome and Keisuke." He took off his mask, revealing his scarred face and stared at both Tasuki and Keisuke with his good eye before moving to crouch next to Miaka. He touched her shoulder lightly to get her attention, resisting the urge to look away when she turned red, swollen eyes to him. "Miaka," he began gently, "Do you remember what happened to Tamahome the last time he was kidnapped by Kutou?"

She stared blankly at the blue-haired monk for a moment, her mind struggling to process what he was saying, "He changed…He didn't remember me…us…and tried to—" Her eyes abruptly widened as the memory of Nakago lifting the glass vial to his lips flashed through her mind, "Kodoku…" she managed in a thin, grief-stricken whisper. "It must have been in the glass vial…we saw Nakago taking it…"

The blue-haired monk nodded grimly, "He probably had no choice. It must have been one of the terms of the exchange. Nakago would certainly have known, better than anyone, how Kodoku would affect a person…He knew what he would become." Chichiri turned his head to level a meaningful look at Tasuki, "He tried to warn us…told us to leave before it happened no da."

Tasuki let out a derisive snort, "You're sayin' he tried to protect you from himself or somethin'? How considerate of 'im," he muttered sarcastically, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "So what? Now all that matters is that we've got a freakin' psychopath with no conscience on our hands! And in case you've forgotten, he WANTS TO KILL US!"

Keisuke listened to the conversation, feeling Miaka trembling against him. He hated to see her like that. She looked so lost and distraught, like her heart had been broken and the entire world had been ripped out from under her feet. It was obvious that she had cared a great deal for Nicholas…Perhaps more than she would be willing to admit to anyone…even to herself. He had a theory concerning her feelings for the blonde man, but decided to keep his suspicions to himself. Instead, he cleared his throat nervously and addressed the question foremost in his mind, "Isn't there something that can be done? To turn him back?"

Both the Suzaku seishi fell silent. Miaka slowly lifted her head to meet his gaze, her eyes dull and empty. All the light had gone out of them, and they appeared almost black; making her look like a delicate porcelain doll…pale, fragile and lifeless.

"No," Chichiri said softly, sparing her the pain of answering. "Kodoku has no cure…" he told Keisuke, shaking his head sadly, "Not this time, no da."

She lay on her back, staring at the ceiling above the bed, as she had been doing for the past few hours. As ceilings went, this one was quite ordinary…not that it mattered to her anyway. She had been looking at it, but had not truly seen it, or anything else in Taiitsukun's palace since they had arrived. Someone had set a tray of food on the table nearby quite a while ago, but it remained untouched…she just wasn't hungry.

I can't believe he's really gone…

"Miaka? Miaka…daijoubu?" A voice intruded in on her reverie. "Please say something…"

She slowly turned her head to the source of the sound, not really hearing the words. She was so tired, and even the small movement was exhausting. People kept coming in to check on her…why wouldn't they leave her alone? She struggled to focus her eyes on the person beside her now, dark hair…not blonde…never blonde…

"Tama…home…?" she whispered faintly. A small part of her wondered how long he had been standing there before she had finally heard him. An even smaller part somehow managed to feel a twinge of guilt for the fact that she had not even spared thought for him for the last few hours. After all, he had been injured protecting her…had taken the full brunt of Nakago's attack which had been meant for her.

Twilight eyes regarded her seriously, "You need to eat something, Miaka," he said, a gentle reprimand in his voice.

Miaka stared at him, hearing the concern in his tone. Her eyes would have filled with tears if she had been able to cry…but she couldn't. Not now. She had no more tears left. I love Tamahome so much…I should be happy that he's back…I should be glad…Suddenly, she was almost thankful that she wasn't able to weep. It would be unfair to Tamahome if I grieved when I should be happy at his safe return…She could not do that to him; should not make everyone else suffer along with her…

She forced herself to sit up; to start interacting once again with the people who cared for her. "What about you? You're injured…" her voice sounded strange to her, as if she was listening to someone else speaking.

Taka smiled, "The Nyan-Nyans fixed me up," he tried to sound cheerful, giving an exaggerated mock shudder, "But those little girls are a bit scary…" he said with an awkward shrug. Not getting the smile he had expected from her, he seated himself on the bed close to her. Moving cautiously so as not to startle her, he slowly put his arms around her shoulders, giving her plenty of time to pull away from him if she wished. When she did not, he drew her into a tender embrace.

For the first time in hours, Miaka felt the icy chill which had enveloped her recede slightly. It had been so long since she had last been in Tamahome's arms…she had almost forgotten how warm and comforting it felt to be held by him. She buried her face in his chest, clinging on to him as he wordlessly rocked her like he would a small child.

After what seemed like an eternity, she felt him pulling back. She did not want him to leave her…did not want to be alone again. She looked up, only to feel his warm gaze on her as his dark violet eyes studied her, searching her face. She felt him tentatively stroke the curve of her cheek, and she let out a small sigh, leaning into the caress. Encouraged by her response, he dipped his head slightly, gently touching his lips to hers.

Tamahome…

How she had missed him. Miaka closed her eyes, allowing herself to drown in the sensation as he carefully deepened the kiss, his mouth firm and warm against hers. This is what it feels like to be loved and wanted, cherished…She felt like she was floating, surrounded by his scent, the feel of his body, everything that together made up Tamahome… If only this could last forever…

To her disappointment, the kiss ended all too soon, but before she could protest, he had moved to press another to the sensitive skin of her throat, right over her pulse point. Tamahome's hand slid over her own, lacing their fingers together as he eased her back down to lie on the bed. He leaned over her, brushing his lips soothingly over first one closed eyelid, then the other, causing Miaka to whimper softly as she began to tremble from the strange need he was arousing in her.

She tensed, when she felt him slowly undoing the top button of her uniform, then the next, moving lower…trailing kisses over her skin as it was exposed…

She had dreamed about this moment many times in the past, when they had been apart and she hadn't been sure if she would ever see him again; when she had missed him so badly during all those long lonely nights…

She had always wanted to be with Tamahome like this. She wanted this…didn't she?

Didn't she…?

Happy to have Tamahome back, glad to be with him…but…

…At what cost?

a tiny voice at the back of her mind questioned insistently.

Abruptly, she sat up, her hands pushing him away with something which came very close to panic. She scrambled off the bed; in her haste, her legs got tangled in the sheets, and she almost ended up in a heap on the floor by the bed. Stumbling free, she found that she could not summon the courage to meet his eyes, and remained with her back to him. "Tamahome…I…I'm s-sorry. I…c-can't. Not now…not when Nakago is—" her voice cracked and she almost choked on the difficult words. Wrapping her arms herself as if trying to ward off a chill, she stared at the ground in shame, unable to continue speaking.

"It's always about him, isn't it?" Taka's voice was bitter, sharp with the hard edge of jealousy. "He tried to kill you, Miaka! He tried to kill all of us! He isn't the same person anymore!"

She flinched visibly at his words, leading him to realise how harshly he had spoken to her. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down before trying again in a more reasonable tone, "Gomen nasai. Please understand, Miaka…I am grateful to him for getting me out but I would not be able to stand seeing him hurt you. You have to let him go," he implored.

Miaka felt her heart tear further, as if it was being pulled in two opposite directions. Why does this have to end this way? "But…"

He stood up, coming to stand behind her. Although he did not make any attempt to touch her, she could feel his presence acutely at her back. "We should try to find a way home and leave before anyone else gets hurt. The others told me that Taiitsukun might be able to send us back to our world."

She stiffened, feeling as though someone had emptied a bucket of cold water over her. Suddenly, she was angry...no, not merely angry; she was furious. She spun around to confront him, "How could you even suggest such a thing! You're asking me to leave him behind in this world? I won't! He is my friend, he got sent here in the first place because of me, and I will not leave him behind! I will find some way to bring him back to himself! Whatever it takes! I owe it to him!" she said fiercely with an expression of stubborn determination on her face.

Taka grabbed her wrist, his violet eyes almost seeming to glow for an instant; something strange and dangerous flashing through them. When he spoke, his voice was low and threatening, "Listen to me! Nakago isn't your friend. He will never ever be your friend again. If I didn't know any better, I would say that the scheming bastard planned all this right from the start so that he could get his powers back! He is not in enemy hands, Miaka…he IS the enemy!"

She looked at him in disbelief for a split-second…

Then she slapped him.

His head was jerked to one side as the hard blow connected with his face. Wrenching her arm out of his grasp, Miaka glared at her beloved, her small hands balling into tight fists, "Don't you DARE say that about him! DON'T YOU DARE! He SAVED you!" she hissed through clenched teeth, her eyes narrowing into angry slits.

Before he could stop her, she was already halfway across the room.

"Miaka!"

She paused in the open doorway, but did not turn back to look at him. "Out of everyone, Tamahome… you were the last person I had expected to be so insensitive," she said quietly, but somehow, her voice seemed to carry, echoing in the room, giving the illusion that the words had come from someone else…a different person altogether. Someone stronger and older…

The door slammed shut behind her.

She wandered aimlessly through the halls of Taiitsukun's palace, not knowing where she was headed and not really caring. She wanted to get as far away from her room as possible…from Tamahome. Why doesn't he understand that we can't just leave Nakago behind! How could he be so selfish? she fumed, bristling with righteous fury, still angry at him for even trying to convince her to abandon a friend just like that.

"…Love is such a useless emotion…" the speaker made a sound of disgust, "It makes people weak."

She stopped on her tracks in the hallway outside the shadowed room, horrified at what she was overhearing. That was…that was Tamahome's voice!…But with a tone of disdain she had never heard from him before. She carefully approached the open door as stealthily as she could, trying her best to avoid being detected. It can't be Tamahome! It just can't! I left him back there in my room! There was no way he could have made it to this room ahead of her…was there? Her heart sank when she peered into the room and saw that it was indeed Tamahome who was inside. Tamahome…why are you saying all these things? How could you be so cold and heartless?

"End this meaningless charade. Release him."

With a start, Miaka recognised the other voice as well as the being it belonged to…a slender, red-haired man. It was none other than Suzaku seikun. What's going on? Why is—

Taka chuckled, "I am rather enjoying this. All this is allowing me to truly appreciate how weak your people really are." He smiled pleasantly. Tamahome's smile. Miaka felt her heart twisting at the sight of it, shattering at his cruel words. How he could stand there in front of Suzaku and say all those hurtful things? How could someone so mean be the same person she had fallen in love with…?

"Release him," Suzaku repeated flatly. Golden eyes narrowed dangerously at Taka.

The dark-haired man shrugged insolently, "You have absolutely no sense of humour," a corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk. Abruptly, his body seemed to blur for an instant…then collapsed bonelessly to the floor, unconscious. In the place where he had stood just seconds before, a blue-haired man had materialised. He glanced indifferently down at the limp body at his feet before returning his gaze to Suzaku, "No need to get your feathers ruffled. He has not been harmed. His resentment and jealousy made him the perfect vessel. I was doing this pathetic mortal a favour; deep down, a dark part of him wanted this…It amused me to help him obtain his petty human desire."

Tilting his head slightly, his features seemed to smooth over, the handsome face falling into perfect, expressionless lines. "I almost succeeded in uniting with the dear Suzaku no Miko using his body. It was a pity that she was so stubborn."

Seiryuu, in Tamahome's body…and I almost let him…we almost…her stomach turned over and Miaka clamped a hand over her mouth, convinced that she was about to be violently sick.

Suzaku remained motionless, "You risk upsetting the balance of fate by meddling in human affairs. You had no right doing this to my seishi and my Miko…or even to Nakago—"

"I saw an opportunity. I took it," the terrifyingly familiar voice—one which she had heard just hours before—stated arrogantly. "The current emperor of Kutou is loyal to me, but the plan to conquer your pathetic little kingdom by poisoning its empress was all his own doing…All I did in the grand scheme of things was to give Nakago his memories, so that he would recognise and remember your miko when they met again in her world. It ensured that he would be by her side when she was absorbed back into the Shijintenchisho. With Konan under threat, I knew your miko would be unable to resist coming back to help, out of some misguided sense of loyalty." The blue-haired god smiled coldly, "The soul bond they shared had already made things laughably easy by leading him to her. That, my dear brother, I have you to thank for."

Miaka froze, her heart beginning to pound and her face paling at Seiryuu's words. This was the reason why Nakago had all his memories but not Tamahome? It was a trap…right from the start...? IIE! Chigau…It cannot be! I refuse to believe it to be so!

"And this 'exchange'?" Suzaku questioned quietly without emotion, "You left him with no choice."

Seiryuu did not even blink at the accusation, "It was a fair and reasonable exchange. Him, for two of them. Nakago came back to me willingly."

"The condition of this so-called 'exchange' of yours was that he had to take Kodoku. You brainwashed him with a powerful mind-altering drug…That hardly constitutes 'willingly'." The phoenix god was getting angry, and he allowed some of the anger to creep into his tone.

His dragon counterpart shrugged casually, "A small technicality. Emotions have made him weak. I merely remedied the situation."

Suzaku stared at the other god in distaste, mouth set in a thin, hard line, "You interfered in the mortal realm… Allowed Kutou to try and instigate a war with Konan…all this, just to get one of your seishi back?" It was more a statement of fact than a question.

"My most powerful seishi," Seiryuu corrected calmly, "He is far stronger than any of yours…and Nakago has always been my favourite." He paused slightly, the timbre of his voice lowering as he issued a warning, "This business is none of your concern. I suggest you keep your people out of this, Suzaku…if you do not wish them to get hurt."

Without warning, he turned the head of his human form to stare straight at Miaka, who was standing shock-still just outside the doorway, although he continued addressing Suzaku, "One more thing…In case you decided to try and interfere, a spell has been placed on the Kodoku drug that Nakago took. Even I cannot reverse it. The only way to break its influence would be for him to kill your precious little miko." A slow, reptilian smile spread across the dragon god's face before he vanished in a swirl of shimmering blue mist.

Miaka stumbled backwards, allowing the back of her head to hit the wall behind her with a loud thud before she slid down to the floor; burying her face in her hands, "Can't you help Nakago? Is there nothing you can do?" she beseeched her god.

Suzaku fixed her with compassionate and sympathetic golden eyes, as she heard a soft voice in her mind, I cannot undo what another god has done, unless I am summoned and the one summoning me wishes it to be so. I am sorry, my Miko.

There was a flash of bright red light, and he was gone.

She slowly knelt beside Taka's unconscious form, feeling guilty for having been angry at him. None of it had been his fault. Seiryuu had been controlling his body…It scared her, that the dragon god had been convincing enough to fool her, and that she was gullible enough to have been so easily tricked. I couldn't even tell the difference…I'm supposed to love Tamahome! I am supposed to know him! And I couldn't even tell the difference! she thought in despair. What would have happened, if she had not pushed him away? She balked at the thought and shoved it back into the recesses of her mind, not wanting to face the obvious answer.

She carefully brushed the dark hair from his forehead, her eyes sad, "Gomen nasai, Tamahome. Forgive me…for ever doubting you." It would be a while before he recovered consciousness. Physically, he was unhurt, but Seiryuu had drained all his energy when he had possessed Tamahome's body.

Miaka rose to her feet. She needed to sort out her thoughts. Alone.

She walked blindly into one of the great halls of Taiitsukun's palace with Suzaku's words echoing over and over again in her mind; abruptly coming to a stop in the middle of the vast room before she realised where she was.

All round her, were mirrors, reflecting back at her. Miaka cautiously ventured further into the deserted hall, passing in front of a multitude of mirrors of all shapes and sizes, most of them in ornate gold frames. There was a strange feeling overtaking her, and she felt as if there something drawing her to one mirror in particular at the far end of the hall…an invisible force urging her closer, until at last, she stood in front of it.

Compared to the others, it did not look impressive at all. Plain and unadorned at first glance, it did not even have a frame of any sort. However, on closer inspection, she found that there was intricate artwork etched onto the glass itself; the individual strands in the flowing design twining together to form an exquisite pattern, creating a border all around the edges of the mirror. Yet, as beautiful as it was, it seemed to be just another mirror, reflecting her image. Miaka's eyebrows drew together in a frown. It looked ordinary enough, but…She tentatively reached out to touch the smooth surface.

The moment her skin came into contact with the cool glass…she let out a gasp of surprise. The clear, shiny surface clouded over, until she was no longer able to see her own reflection. Just as suddenly, the swirling mist cleared…and she found that she was no longer looking at herself, but at an image of Kutou.

The imperial palace. The place where everything had fallen apart.

Nakago…

Somehow, she knew that this was the one chance she had. This mirror…Miaka stared into it, feeling a surge of renewed determination as new possibilities flooded into her mind at her discovery. The glass felt solid under her fingertips, but if she could—…She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, concentrating all her willpower into one single moment in time, putting all other thoughts out of her mind and allowing herself to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that she could do this…She recalled that when she had been a little girl, her mother had always told her that she could make anything happen if she just believed…

To believe in myself…

The hall was bathed in a pure red glow emanating from her. I am the Priestess of Suzaku, and I'm not going to give up without a fight, she vowed silently, her face set in resolve.She was going back, no matter what anyone else said. If Nuriko was here, he would say that I was crazy and stupid. Then he'd offer to come with me to help 'kick Nakago's butt', she smiled grimly at the thought. Tasuki was going to be furious when he found out what she had done, Chichiri and Tamahome would be distressed, and her brother was probably going to have a heart attack. I'm sorry minna…but this is something I have to do. I could never forgive myself if I didn't at least try.

She stepped through the mirror.

Its surface rippled like water at her passage, then solidified back into its original state…and the hall was dark and deserted once more.

Notes:

1) This has to do with Nakago, and is a query a few people have raised. Kodoku does not revert a person to his past self, rather, it brainwashes the victim, making him susceptible to outside control. Nakago's memories of being friends with Miaka have been erased or repressed and from his current point of view, the Suzaku no Miko is still his enemy.

2) If Taka seemed a little out of character in the "bedroom" scene, it was because everything that 'Taka' does to Miaka is really Seiryuu (who's having fun doing a little play-acting)! The dragon god possessed Taka's body and was using it to wreak havoc among the Suzaku team and convince Miaka to forget about Nakago...

3) And yes, the new emperor of Kutou is an evil, power-hungry megalomaniac who was behind the plot to conquer Konan by poisoning Houki (the whole conspiracy with the treacherous royal advisor and Hotohori's half-brother, remember?) right at the beginning of this story. (It seems that when Nakago killed the former emperor, and ordered his men to kill the ministers and royal family in the anime, they missed out someone. This emperor must be the one that got away…! Bummer. ) Seiryuu knew that Miaka would come back into the book to help Houki and took advantage of the situation by making sure that Nakago would be with her…and so the reason why Nakago has his memories is finally answered… O.O