Zummi pulled open the library door and gasped,
"Ursa!"
The Barbic female was slumped over the Great Book, her tattered blond hair falling into fevered eyes. She was shaking in her stance, despite how hard she tried to hide it. She was using the stand on which the book rested to support herself.
"Ursa!"
The Barbic turned. Her eyes were glassy and there was a desperate need in them. She looked like someone who had lost his or her desire to live. It reminded Zummi of what Honori, Sunni's mother, had gone through when she found out her husband was dead and she was with a child.
Ursa squinted as she heard a voice. But she was so disoriented that she could not recognize who it was.
"Who…"
"Ursa…mit's ie…uh, it's me, Zummi."
"What are you doing here?"
"I…I could ask the same of you."
"Do you even have to ask…Zummi, in two days it'll be Buddi's twelfth birthday."
Zummi looked at her. Her voice was coarse, her eyes bloodshot and empty and she was struggling to stay upright.
"Ursa…"
"If I had …"
Zummi felt a surge of guilt shoot through his body. He'd been trying everything possible to get Buddi back. But nothing worked. He had thumbed through the Great Book almost page by page.
He'd always come up empty.
By Gum, why had he not insisted that Buddi do as Ursa said and go to bed? Why had he not obeyed his gut instinct that such a complex spell was dangerous? Why had he done so many things?
"Ursa!"
Gritty ran through the door and to Ursa. She tried to resist him but her arms were beyond frail and crumbled like glass under his strength. He looked at her.
"Ursa, you aren't helping anything this way!"
"I don't care! That's my child!"
"Ursa, I knocked you out with pressure points before. Please, don't make me do it again!"
Ursa growled at him and tried to break his grip but she couldn't do that when at her full strength; now with her strength all but gone, she barely managed to move her arms at all.
Gritty pushed her head against his chest and held her tightly. She resisted but eventually surrendered. She trembled and Gritty fingered her now dull blond hair. She sighed deeply, her eyes empty. Zummi watched all this with pity and guilt in his heart.
"Come on Ursa, you're tired. Please, Gum's sake, try to rest."
"But Gritty…my baby…"
Zummi spoke, "I'll keep looking. If I get any breakthrough, I'll let you know."
Gritty looked at Ursa, "How's that?"
Honestly, Ursa did not want to leave it at that but she knew Gritty would force her to, even if she did resist. So she gave in with a nod. Gritty let out a deep sigh of relief.
"Good," he wrapped his arm around her slender shoulders. They felt so weak and fragile under his powerful arm. Had he not known better, he would have been surprised she could still walk. But this was Ursa.
Ursa just went where she was led. She knew resistance would just weaken her more and she needed her strength to find Buddi. He was her life, her angel. So many times she recalled holding him or comforting him. Tending to his ailments when she was called upon by his young voice moaning,
"Mama Ursa…"
She swore she could hear his voice. But it wasn't the active, playful voice she knew so well. This voice she heard was scared, pleading, broken. She had not heard Buddi sound like that since…since the night the woods fell.
She closed her eyes at that thought. She remembered that night crystal clearly. They had gotten away and set up camp for the night. Since they had to make their tents quickly, the clan had roomed in pairs or sets of three, four, or five. She and Gritty had taken one, because it was small. Buddi was with Grubbi and Ryo. About halfway through the night, Buddi had come into their tent with red eyes. He had just flung himself at her and cried.
She had just held him until exhaustion put him to sleep. When she woke up the next morning, she had found a cub entangled around her, so tightly that he took up little more space than she did; his legs wrapped around her lower legs.
"Ursa?"
"Huh?"
She turned when she heard the voice break into her thoughts. Gritty was looking at her, concern in his remaining eye. Ursa sighed and reached into her temporary nightstand, withdrawing a golden flute.
Gritty sighed and sat down by Ursa's side. She fingered the metal as if holding it would somehow bring her closer to Buddi.
"Hang in there Ursa. Buddi'll find his way back. He's tough."
"But he's just a baby. He's too young to have to deal with this. And…he's my baby."
Gritty gave up arguing.
1359
"Bilo, lay off!"
Ola ducked under her mate's advances and spat,
"Gum Above, I'm pregnant, not helpless!"
Bilo sighed. His mate was almost due, in a week, give or take, they would have a baby. But Ola was stubborn and insisted on doing almost everything herself. Bilo wished that she would accept some help.
Ola was a pretty attractive Barbic and much more feminine than the other female, Ursa. When left down, Ola's brown hair had coarseness to it but Bilo loved it. She usually had it in a bun or low ponytail but today had it down so it fell to a little past her shoulders.
Ola was very short, only coming to Bilo's shoulder. She wore a long blood-red dress but it had slits up the sides so she could move about. She did not normally wear shoes but if she did they were knee high black boots. She had light brown fur with a patch of dark brown on her left eye.
Ola regarded her mate disparagingly. She was tired of being reminded that she could not fight as well as she could when without child. But she was still capable of handling herself. Bilo did not have her handicap.
Bilo was tall, even taller than Ursa. Ola was at her full height and barely came to his shoulder. He was a dark brown with deep brown, almost black hair that was unusually long and he kept it bound in a low ponytail. He wore a long black tunic and no shoes. He always kept his leather belt around his waist where he held his sword and other small weapons.
Ola sighed deeply. "I'll see you later, Bilo. For now, leave me alone."
That said, she swung out into the canopy. For now, she was happy to free and do what she wanted. But a movement below made her drop down. She was a caring Barbic, sometimes called 'soft' but that was not a compliment to Barbics.
Still, she dropped and approached the still form.
* * *
Buddi groaned as a piercing pain shot through his back. It burned like fire. And he had not eaten for several hours. That contributed to his discomfort. He sat up slowly but still that caused pain to cut through his body like a knife.
The cub looked around.
"Barbic Woods again? Fate, what did I do to you?!"
Tears erupted from his eyes and he slumped in his posture. Before he would never have acted this way. But he was crumbled; his spirit and will broken. Tears blurred his vision and he trembled as he sat there, sobbing.
"Hello?"
Buddi heard an alien voice and looked up. His eyes saw a blurred image so he wiped them and when he could see clearly again, he gasped and almost stopped breathing from the lump that formed in his throat.
The Barbic he saw was a female, small. She had a patch on one of her eyes.
"I…I…" he stammered.
"My name's Ola."
Buddi's face turned white and tears slid down his cheeks in silent streaks. He whispered to himself with a voice so distorted even he could not understand the words themselves,
"Mother,"
Ola stared at the cub. He looked about eleven or ten. He also looked a great deal like her! Maybe that was why she felt connected to him. She knelt down and said,
"Little one, what's your name?"
Buddi swallowed once and then again, trying to clear away the lump in his throat. He spoke, with a voice that shook like an earthquake.
"I…I…I'm B..B…B…"
"Here," Ola handed him a canteen which he accepted gratefully. He down a few gulps before he could say,
"B…Buddi. My…my name's…B…Buddi."
"Well, Buddi, you're badly sun burnt. How about I get some herbs for that while you tell me how you got here?"
Buddi took her offered hand and with shaking knees followed her up into a hut. Ola smiled at him but for Buddi he was unable to be mollified. This…he was in front of his mother. And judging by the way her stomach was bulging, she carried him inside her.
"Ola! Who's this kid?"
Ola smiled. "Bilo, this is Buddi. Buddi, my mate, Bilo."
Buddi trembled,
"Father,"
Bilo smiled and said, "Well, hey there. What's wrong kid? You look like you've seen a ghost."
In a sense, Buddi had. All he knew of his father and mother were the brief pieces of information he had asked Ursa about when he was younger. Now he had stopped because he thought it would be disrespectful.
Ola came out with a small wooden bowl and some small roots with her canteen.
"Here, Buddi. Let me help that burn on your back."
Buddi nodded and Ola lifted his tunic off his skin gently. Bilo smiled,
"Ola's gonna have a cub soon. She wants to practice but had no to play the cub's part…until now. Do you mind being her test subject?"
Buddi giggled for the first time in several weeks. He shook his head, "no."
Ola smiled and then scooped up some watered down sap. She began to rub it into the child's back, in gentle circular motions. Buddi sighed. Her fingers…they were soft, softer than Ursa's and they had a different texture to them. Ursa's were a little rougher, with an elder feeling to them. Ironic, considering that Ursa was in actuality quite a few years younger than Ola.
Ola finished and lowered the cub's tunic.
"there, does that help?"
Buddi nodded. "Ola…"
"Yes?"
"I…I mean, why…why did you and Bilo decide…"
"decide to have a child?"
Buddi nodded, he knew she would not live to see her baby. Ola smiled.
"I love cubs. Always have. But we don't have any. Someone must carry the tradition on. Our clan must survive. Ursa has no mate and in any case, she's sterile."
Buddi gasped. He didn't know that!
Ola turned red, much like Buddi did when he was embarrassed. First her cheeks turned pink, then red and gradually the color filled her face. She sighed,
"I shouldn't be blurting her secrets."
"I won't tell," Buddi promised.
Bilo chuckled, "Besides, Ola, she and Gritty went off hunting remember?"
Ola smiled, "Her first hunting trip. She was ecstatic."
Buddi smiled and Bilo went on.
"Ola's the softie."
Ola smacked him hard. Bilo chuckled,
"As long as you don't tell her that,"
Buddi was stunned. He was much the same way. He knew he was not meant to be a warrior but if anyone reminded him, he would strike out with anger, afraid of reticule from Ursa. Perhaps Ola was where he got it.
Ola rose, "well, Buddi, you're welcome to stay here for the time being. I'm afraid Bilo and I have some things to do with Theanrn. We have a few snacks around, in case you get hungry."
That said the two rose. Buddi started after them but they were gone in a few seconds. He stood by the railing, shaking,
"No, please, I barely know you."
But they had vanished. Buddi sat down and laid his face into his knees. Tears came swiftly but silently. He felt lost, homesick, scared, and confused.
Buddi cried. It wasn't fair. He finally saw his parents and they took off. The cub cried and cried until his voice choked up and his breaths came in gasps. He knew exactly what Ursa would say if she saw him this way,
"Toughen up and stop that useless crying! You're a Barbic!"
Buddi tried to. But he couldn't. Finally, it was as if Ursa actually was there, and in a caring mood. Her voice said,
"Stop it, baby, you'll make yourself sick."
He felt arms lift him up, help him walk. It wasn't Ursa. Her arms were stronger. No, it…it was Ola.
Ola was terrified to find a young cub in such a state. He was at least eleven, more likely twelve but his sobs sounded like a five year old child. Some feeling had urged her to return early and she was glad she did.
Buddi stumbled in his paces but his tears did not stop, no matter how hard he tried to force them to. They fell like an endless rain. He felt Ola help him over above a basin. The anxiety, the fear and the sorrow became an unendurable strain and the cub's stomach convulsed.
Ola held the child steady as he emptied his stomach. She did not know why he had become so upset but she knew that it was his terrible crying and fit that had caused it.
Ola wet a washcloth and wiped the cub's mouth as he finished.
"Shh, calm yourself. Calm down or you'll make yourself sick again."
Buddi fought to force the shakiness from his voice. A few minutes later, Bilo walked in. he took in the situation quickly and helped Ola guide the cub to a bed in their main chamber. Buddi was still shaking but he was starting to calm down. But now he was weak. It had been some time since he'd eaten and now any food he had eaten was emptied.
Buddi also knew that he was dehydrated. Ursa had told him that much. That was why she made him drink lots of fluids when he was sick and especially when he was nauseous. Buddi was trying to stop his tears. But they were not stopping. Slowing, yes but not stopping.
Ola wrapped her arms around Buddi and forced his head into her now much smaller lap, in hopes it would ease his belly.
It seemed to work. Ola started to smooth the cub's hair. She didn't know why but she felt a connection with this child. A connection she did not know the origin of. But in any event, she cared for him because he was a child and because she saw similarities. He acted very much like she did, even when upset.
Ola was one of the few Barbics not ashamed to shed tears.
Buddi trembled and felt his mother's fingers rush through his sweaty hair. He was struggling to calm down.
Ola and Bilo exchanged worried glances. They could tell the child had been through some great ordeal. But was it this immense?
Buddi realized how close he was to his mother and grabbed one of her hands in a tight grip. He inhaled as he brought her palm to his face, taking in her fresh scent.
Ursa had always smelt of rain and spions, tangy fruits that grew near the floor of the woods. This smell was soft, fresh, young. Ola had a scent of morning dew and morning irises, flowers that bloomed in the woods' canopy.
"Buddi?" it was Bilo. Buddi turned his head and tried to wipe away his tears. But seeing his father, his flesh and blood father was too much and the tears remained. He flung himself into Bilo's arms, crying like baby.
Bilo stared at his mate who shrugged but gave him a gesture that let him know she believed he should let the child cry. The Barbic nodded and stared at the cub he held in his arms.
Buddi inhaled his father's scent as if the aroma was air. Finally, he could finally feel his parents, touch them, and speak to them…
Ola removed a charm from her neck and draped it over the cub's. Buddi looked at her and she fingered the small pendant.
"It's an old belief of mine. Take a seed of the woods and a hair from each of your mates. It's supposed to be a charm, which gives strength. I took a seed of a tree and wove one of my hairs and Bilo's hair around it. I don't know what you've gone through small one, but you need strength. Judging by how you've broken down, I'm surprised you made it as far as you did before you shattered. You can't be more than eleven, am I right?"
Buddi nodded, staring at the small trinket, which appeared to have been sealed with sap to keep the hairs in place. He raised his face to meet Ola's. She hugged him briefly.
"Buddi, you're strong. But whatever you've seen has been terrible but you're holding it in. Don't do that. You're strong, you are but you're not that strong."
"You don't-"
"You're right," Bilo interrupted. "We don't know you. But I do know I would be proud to have raised someone with such a strong will. I don't know everything you've gone through, nor do I probably want to. But I would be glad enough if our child grows to be as strong as you are."
Ola smiled; Buddi would be the name of her boy, if she were to have one. She had never seen such determination, such a will as she had seen in this boy. That was why she let him cry. He needed it. She had seen in his eyes that he had gone through much without breaking but if he did not let it out he would snap in two.
Bilo rose,
"Ola, why don't we get Buddi something to drink?"
He wanted to talk to her. She nodded and Buddi, who had wrapped his arms around her, let her up.
But no sooner had they vanished then Buddi began to. Tears erupted again.
"NO! Not yet! I…I've barely been here! I still have questions! Fate, please, not yet!"
But Fate does not respond to tears.
Buddi faded away, still reaching out to where the two had gone.