Superficial, Unofficial Super Smash Brothers Melee!
by Sunflower Seed.
My first Smash Bros fic and it's a break from my normal serious stuffâ€" (ok, that's fair warning.....this is ridiculously "light" humor...plus I'm finally getting around to posting stuff that's been sitting a while on my computer.)
The music begins.
A hand grabs the Mario trophy, plops it down inside the mock Olympiad arena, and suddenly Mario's trophy turns to real life!
Ness: Show off...
Samus: I could've done better than that.
New Foe: Marth: [curses in Japanese]
Link: What the hell was that supposed to be?
Other Character: Don't pay it any attention. That guy just thinks all games are centered around him.
Link: [looks at the person standing behind him in line, noticing the rust- colored jumpsuit and the goggles and muscles rippling all over the guy] Captain...Falcon?
Captain Falcon: Yeah.....Hey, and it's Link, right?
Link: Yes sir.
Captain Falcon: [chest out, stomach in] Ahh kid, you don't have to get all formal with me, okay? I'm just another guy, that's all. Hey, where's that pretty lady of yours, that Princess Zelda?
Link: She's not my lady. We're just friends.
Captain Falcon: Oh, oh yeah, that's what they all sayâ€"
New Foe: Excuse me, you got the time?
Captain Falcon: Falco!
Falco: Hey Falcon, what's up?
Captain Falcon: That's Captain Falcon to you, buddy.
Meanwhile, Luigi's across the lawn doing target practice with a standard issue laser gun and notices the beams are red.
Same Old Foe: Luigi: I object to this!
Falco: [shakes his head pathetically] What'a woos. He's gonna be easy bait.
Captain Falcon: No contest for us old guys, right Falco?
Falco: [arms folded] That's Mister Lombardi to you, bucko! Anyway,I'm not old. You're old.
Captain Falcon: Hey....I'm in the prime of life!
Falco: Stats say you're almost forty. Sorry pal but for video game characters I'd say that's nearing the end of life. Just look at that Mario guy? I say one more platform game and they let him go for good...and what the hell else is he gonna do after that, huh?... [suddenly something catches Falco's sharp eye] ....But that pretty Princess Peach, now there's one hot chick! She'll be around long after he's outta here...and I can't wait.....
Link: [under his breath] ....horny bastard...
Falco: [glares at Link] You say something, kid?
Captain Falcon: Leave 'im alone, the kid's been here before and he's pretty good.
Falco: Oh yeah? How's he good, luggin' around that sword and shield and all? A bow and arrow, too? You've gotta be kiddin' me. He's no Marth.
Link: [squints] Who?
Princess Peach approaches the trio with a clipboard and pen.
Falco: Takin' orders, babe? How about a sweet little peach just for me?
Peach: Look I'm not here for dumb questions I'm here to judge who gets in and who doesn't!
Falco: Oooh yeah, baby, I'm getting' in...
Captain Falcon: [taunts] Show me your moves!
Falco obliges with an uppercut to Captain Falcon then keeps kicking him up into the air until Falcon finally plummets off in the air sounding like he's upchucked his lunch.
Peach: [sneaks a smile on Falco and checks his name on her clipboard, then she looks at Link] And so, how about you? And please, show me something better than that arrow thing you did last time?
Link takes his sword and swipes it across Peach's dress, shredding it just like Antonio Banderas did to Catherine Zeta-Jones in Mask of Zorro, and Falco's eyes just about pop out of his head as Peach runs off clutching her clipboard and screaming.
Falco: Man, you're really askin' for it. Now that Mario jerk's gonna come lookin' for you.
Link: [taunt=gracefully strokes hand through hair]
Ness: Who's afraid of big bad Mario? I'm not afraid of him!
Falco: Shaddup, ya little brat!
Ness: Oh yeah? Who's gonna makeâ€"
Yoshi shows up, licks out his tongue and swallows Ness, then shits him out in a green spotted egg that flies off the side of the battlefield arena and disappears into blackness and explodes.
Audience: OOOAAAAH!
Meanwhile, Mario, Luigi, Bowser, and Fox are planning to gang up on Link.
Luigi: But we can't do that! There's only enough room for four players at a time! That means only three of us can team up against him!
Bowser: Who gives a pig's fart about limitations?
Fox: Multi-man Melee only uses Zelda and Captain Falcon in wireframe, that's a limitation.
Bowser: Who asked you, Kazooie!
Fox: [takes the laser gun from Luigi and starts shooting Bowser between each word he speaks] FOR-THE-LAST-TIME-I-AM-NOT-BANJO-KAZOOIE!
Bowser is shot to the edge of the screen and explodes.
Another one bites the dust....
by Sunflower Seed.
My first Smash Bros fic and it's a break from my normal serious stuffâ€" (ok, that's fair warning.....this is ridiculously "light" humor...plus I'm finally getting around to posting stuff that's been sitting a while on my computer.)
The music begins.
A hand grabs the Mario trophy, plops it down inside the mock Olympiad arena, and suddenly Mario's trophy turns to real life!
Ness: Show off...
Samus: I could've done better than that.
New Foe: Marth: [curses in Japanese]
Link: What the hell was that supposed to be?
Other Character: Don't pay it any attention. That guy just thinks all games are centered around him.
Link: [looks at the person standing behind him in line, noticing the rust- colored jumpsuit and the goggles and muscles rippling all over the guy] Captain...Falcon?
Captain Falcon: Yeah.....Hey, and it's Link, right?
Link: Yes sir.
Captain Falcon: [chest out, stomach in] Ahh kid, you don't have to get all formal with me, okay? I'm just another guy, that's all. Hey, where's that pretty lady of yours, that Princess Zelda?
Link: She's not my lady. We're just friends.
Captain Falcon: Oh, oh yeah, that's what they all sayâ€"
New Foe: Excuse me, you got the time?
Captain Falcon: Falco!
Falco: Hey Falcon, what's up?
Captain Falcon: That's Captain Falcon to you, buddy.
Meanwhile, Luigi's across the lawn doing target practice with a standard issue laser gun and notices the beams are red.
Same Old Foe: Luigi: I object to this!
Falco: [shakes his head pathetically] What'a woos. He's gonna be easy bait.
Captain Falcon: No contest for us old guys, right Falco?
Falco: [arms folded] That's Mister Lombardi to you, bucko! Anyway,I'm not old. You're old.
Captain Falcon: Hey....I'm in the prime of life!
Falco: Stats say you're almost forty. Sorry pal but for video game characters I'd say that's nearing the end of life. Just look at that Mario guy? I say one more platform game and they let him go for good...and what the hell else is he gonna do after that, huh?... [suddenly something catches Falco's sharp eye] ....But that pretty Princess Peach, now there's one hot chick! She'll be around long after he's outta here...and I can't wait.....
Link: [under his breath] ....horny bastard...
Falco: [glares at Link] You say something, kid?
Captain Falcon: Leave 'im alone, the kid's been here before and he's pretty good.
Falco: Oh yeah? How's he good, luggin' around that sword and shield and all? A bow and arrow, too? You've gotta be kiddin' me. He's no Marth.
Link: [squints] Who?
Princess Peach approaches the trio with a clipboard and pen.
Falco: Takin' orders, babe? How about a sweet little peach just for me?
Peach: Look I'm not here for dumb questions I'm here to judge who gets in and who doesn't!
Falco: Oooh yeah, baby, I'm getting' in...
Captain Falcon: [taunts] Show me your moves!
Falco obliges with an uppercut to Captain Falcon then keeps kicking him up into the air until Falcon finally plummets off in the air sounding like he's upchucked his lunch.
Peach: [sneaks a smile on Falco and checks his name on her clipboard, then she looks at Link] And so, how about you? And please, show me something better than that arrow thing you did last time?
Link takes his sword and swipes it across Peach's dress, shredding it just like Antonio Banderas did to Catherine Zeta-Jones in Mask of Zorro, and Falco's eyes just about pop out of his head as Peach runs off clutching her clipboard and screaming.
Falco: Man, you're really askin' for it. Now that Mario jerk's gonna come lookin' for you.
Link: [taunt=gracefully strokes hand through hair]
Ness: Who's afraid of big bad Mario? I'm not afraid of him!
Falco: Shaddup, ya little brat!
Ness: Oh yeah? Who's gonna makeâ€"
Yoshi shows up, licks out his tongue and swallows Ness, then shits him out in a green spotted egg that flies off the side of the battlefield arena and disappears into blackness and explodes.
Audience: OOOAAAAH!
Meanwhile, Mario, Luigi, Bowser, and Fox are planning to gang up on Link.
Luigi: But we can't do that! There's only enough room for four players at a time! That means only three of us can team up against him!
Bowser: Who gives a pig's fart about limitations?
Fox: Multi-man Melee only uses Zelda and Captain Falcon in wireframe, that's a limitation.
Bowser: Who asked you, Kazooie!
Fox: [takes the laser gun from Luigi and starts shooting Bowser between each word he speaks] FOR-THE-LAST-TIME-I-AM-NOT-BANJO-KAZOOIE!
Bowser is shot to the edge of the screen and explodes.
Another one bites the dust....